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Beyonce, whose last album was the iconic 2016 LP Lemonade, has become an investor none other than Lemon Perfect, an Atlanta-based flavored water brand.

“I don’t typically enjoy drinks without added sugar, but Lemon Perfect is delicious,” Beyonce wrote in a statement on the Lemon Perfect website. “It was an easy decision to invest in something that not only tastes great and is healthy, but also, and most importantly, allows choosing a healthier lifestyle to be affordable and accessible to everyone.”

Lemon Perfect founder and CEO Yanni Hufnagel stated: “We are honored and humbled that Beyoncé has become a part of the Lemon Perfect family. She is a worldwide icon whose talent, character, and positivity are unsurpassed. Her investment and the energy it sparks will accelerate Lemon Perfect’s rise toward its goal of becoming the number one brand in the multibillion-dollar enhanced water category by market share.”

Meanwhile Beyonce also recently wished Lizzo a happy birthday with a baby picture of Lizzo. The “Truth Hurts” singer took to Twitter with excitement but also confusion: “Where u get this pic?? I ain’t seen this since I was born [crying emoji].”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

In all the talk about whether Jack Harlow has surpassed Lil Dicky’s career aspirations (and how he definitely surpassed Asher Roth’s), we’ve all been overlooking two very important members of the melanin-challenged rappers’ coalition: Logic and Russ. Fortunately, they’ve both returned to remind us they deserve consideration too — and, happily, they’ve done so on the same track. “Therapy Music” finds the Def Jam lyricist recruiting the indie champion for a throwback, boom-bap production to address their personal mental health journeys with some extremely flexy raps.

Logic particularly sounds revitalized, which is a good thing, since he’s working on a new album called Vinyl Days. If the new track is any indication of the sound on that project, it looks like Logic has been blasting “Lofi Beats To Study To” and collecting his best material to address the backlash against his prior albums. But although he does sound disappointed in the reception to his prior efforts to talk about mental health, he can at least rest easy in the knowledge that those efforts at least had some positive impact.

Meanwhile, Russ, one of Uproxx’s latest cover stars, is launching his own label, seeking yet another route to disrupt the music industry and return power to the hands of the artists.

Listen to Logic’s “Therapy Music” featuring Russ above.

Jurassic World: Dominion‘s original release date was June 11, 2021. The film ended up being the first big-budget movie to return to shooting amid pandemic conditions, but still, that delay was a pain in the butt. The new release date: June 10, 2022, and they’re sticking with it.

In that spirit, current lead dino wrangler Chris Pratt shared a throwback clip of when he was gearing up for the Jurassic World global premiere. He was goofin’ (although not New Boot Goofin’) and nerding out and decided to casually climb into a dinosaur’s mouth. That swiftly led to a handler rushing up and insisting, “Sir, out of the dinosaur.”

Well, he did comply and promptly hopped away from that expensive replica as directed. And there was absolutely no, “Do you know who I am?” to be found. In showing this clip, perhaps he’ll vanquish chatter of him being the Worst Chris, although perhaps it’s also time for the Internet to finally move on from that fight.

In the meantime, we can look forward to seeing reunited Jurassic Park O.G. trio Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, and Sam Neill in the upcoming latest edition to the long-lived franchise. And hopefully, we’ll see some short of throwback joke to when Goldblum decided to improvise and show off his heaving chest because “Costa Rica is really hot and so was I.” And I still hope that Laura Dern busted his chops on the subject. Life will find a way, after all.

Jurassic World: Dominion arrives on June 10.

It appears the viral moment caused by a Drake follow and DM has become too much for Toni Bowen, who took to Instagram on Thursday to address the drama. In an Instagram Story, Bowen says despite receiving hate and unwanted attention, she and her husband Ceddy Bowen find the situation amusing and are very happy with one another. While some may use this opportunity to promote a clothing brand or new single, Bowen says she has no interest in being famous.

She found herself in Drake’s cross-hairs earlier this week after the rapper commented on Chris Matthews’ (aka @lethalshooter) Instagram post supporting and defending Ja Morant’s father, Tee. Drake said, “Imagine your son makes the league and he’s Ja or Melo or Lonzo, all you can do is be elated and competitive and over supportive, and it’s a right of passage to that the OG’s talk shit.”

Ceddy replied to Drake’s comment with a joke about ghostwriting and Adonis, to which Drake said he was going to follow Ceddy’s wife because she is probably miserable and needs some excitement in her life. The moment went viral, spawning endless laughs and conversations about what different men would do if The Boy DM’d their girls.

While the situation’s 15 minutes of fame have expired, this is just another example that one should be wary of crossing the “Petty King.”

WARNING: Spoilers for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness below.

After seemingly saving the very fabric of reality, Benedict Cumberbatch’s Stephen Strange is ready to enjoy some downtime in the Big Apple, which is quickly cut short in the end credits scene for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. While briefly enjoying an afternoon stroll, Strange is approached by Charlize Theron in a wild sorceress outfit, who immediately confronts the good doctor. She tells him that he’s caused an incursion then opens a portal and asks Strange if he’s ready to fix it. Naturally, Strange is up to the task as he transforms into his mystical robes and departs with Theron’s character into the portal, but not before revealing the third eye in his head from using the Darkhold in the film’s climax.

But what does it all mean?

Who Is Charlize Theron’s Character?

As revealed in the Multiverse of Madness credits, Theron is playing Clea, who is a well-known recurring character in the Doctor Strange comics. In fact, she’s currently the Sorceror Supreme in the Marvel books. Like Strange, Clea is a powerful wielder of the mystic arts, and the two have been on and off romantically over the years. Considering the Multiverse of Madness wrestles with Strange missing out on a chance at love with Rachel McAdams’ Christine Palmer, Clea’s presence is an interesting choice.

What Is An Incursion?

In the film, an incursion is described as the collision of two realities, which does not end well for both worlds’ inhabitants. The Stephen Strange of Earth 838 accidentally causes one while attempting to use the Darkhold to defeat his reality’s Thanos, and it appears the Earth 616 Strange that we know has caused a new incursion by his use of the Darkhold. It’s a fascinating development considering incursions were a major plot point during Marvel’s Secret Wars event in the mid-2010s. In those books, the Illuminati learn that reality is collapsing on itself as worlds begin to collide at an accelerating rate. The end-result is a new reality forged by Doctor Doom and Doctor Strange where Doom rules as a God Emperor. Considering Multiverse of Madness marks the first official introduction of the Fantastic Four in the MCU, that means Doom is out there waiting to reveal himself. Granted, Marvel has taken extreme liberties with translating comic stories to the screen and the story could go in a very different direction, both the Fantastic Four and incursions showing up in the same film seem like too much of a coincidence.

What About Strange’s Third Eye?

This one is going to remain a mystery. Obviously, Strange has been affected by his use of the Darkhold’s magic, but whether the third eye represents an evolution in his mastery of the mystic arts or a curse will presumably be addressed when he returns for his next adventure.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness opens in theaters on May 6.

After tackling Dave Chappelle onstage during the comic’s recent show at the Hollywood Bowl, an aspiring rapper was charged with four misdemeanors and no felonies, despite being armed with a knife at the time of the attack. According to ABC News, 23-year-old Isaiah Lee has been charged with battery, possession of a weapon with intent to assault, and two charges related to interfering with a performer. County prosecutors determined that “evidence, as presented, did not constitute felony conduct,” which has some commenters scratching their heads.

One of those commenters, of course, was 50 Cent, who’s never seen a headline he couldn’t turn into a joke or a post on social media. This time, he posted a headline declaring that the attacker wouldn’t be charged with a felony, expressing his disbelief — and some “light” queer-phobia — in the caption. “Is the LGBTQ gonna kill dave right in front of us?” he wondered (circumstances point to: “not bloody likely, chief.”). “He had a weapon a gun, knife how he or she don’t get charged? The world is over, Fvck this.” He also compared the attack to recent incidents involving his “protege” DaBaby. “@dababy they would have charged your ass for thinking about doing that.”

Sigh. It’s always funny when rappers break kayfabe (remember, this is the guy who walked around with “guns the size of Lil Bow Wow” in his rhymes), but the double-dose of speculation that Lee might be trans or that the queer community is responsible for the attack is just irresponsible. It’s also disappointing that 50 didn’t read beyond the leading headline (and I could write another 300 words about how irresponsible the headline is) to know that Lee has been charged, just not with a felony.

By the way, lest we forget, DaBaby has now shot two people in self-defense without being charged, one of whom died. He’s also been caught on camera repeatedly lashing out at several people, many times for little reason at all, so it’s safe to say he’s earned his charges too. Meanwhile, Lee likely has much less access to high-priced lawyers to negotiate his consequences down to something like probation, let alone the resources to get any mental help he may need. We love ya, 50, but maybe this ain’t the hill to die on.

Paramore bandleader Hayley Williams recently launched her own podcast called Everything Is Emo. She explained that the show is “meant to feel like a conversation with other fans of the genre, young and (ahem) old. There’s going to be plenty of interaction, which I hope will feel somewhat reminiscent of the message boards and forums I used to frequent as a teenage scene kid.”

On this week’s episode, the “Misery Business” singer discussed the influence that Foo Fighters had on her. This is in the wake of the tragic death of their drummer Taylor Hawkins. She said that Foo Fighters “are a really important band to everyone, the whole world,” continuing, “But such an important band to Paramore. When I first met the guys, there were a few albums that we talked about a lot, that we referenced a lot, Foo Fighters was a band that always came up.”

“A friend that lived in town lent [Paramore drummer Zac Farro] a drum kit – which he ultimately gave to him – and it belonged to Taylor Hawkins first,” she explained. “For our first shows and tours, it’s like we stole a blessing from Taylor Hawkins. It’s like we took it as him saying, ‘Yes, go forth and continue.’”

She added, “I think about Taylor Hawkins a lot when I think about Zac’s playing. I don’t want to center myself or Paramore in the conversation around Taylor Hawkins’ death, but it’s just to say that he meant a lot to so many people and there are so many stories I’m sure we’re yet to hear about him, and things that he’s done for people, ways that he’s touched peoples’ lives.”

Arcade Fire has one of the week’s defining releases with We, their new album that’s out now. While fresh tunes would have been enough good news, the band offers more today, as they’ve announced a run of 2022 tour dates for the latter half of the year.

The trek starts with a European tour between late August and early October, bringing them to Ireland, the UK, France, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, the Netherlands, and Poland. Feist will support on these shows.

After a few weeks off, the band will then start a North American tour, which runs between late October and early December. They’ll perform in Washington DC, New Jersey, Brooklyn, Boston, Connecticut, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Toronto. Beck is set to open those concerts with an acoustic set.

Check out the tour dates below.

08/30 — Dublin, IE @ 3Arena *
09/02 — Birmingham, UK @ Utilita Arena Birmingham *
09/03 — Manchester, UK @ AO Arena *
09/05 — Glasgow, UK @ OVO Hydro *
09/08 — London, UK @ The O2 *
09/11 — Lille, FR @ Zenith*
09/12 — Antwerp, BE @ Sportpaleis *
09/14 — Cologne, DE @ Lanxess Arena *
09/15 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena *
09/17 — Milan, IT @ Mediolanum Forum *
09/18 — Munich, DE @ Olympiahalle *
09/21 — Madrid, ES @ WiZink Center *
09/22 — Lisbon, PT @ Campo Pequeno *
09/23 — Lisbon, PT @ Campo Pequeno *
09/25 — Bordeaux, FR @ Arkea Arena *
09/26 — Nantes, FR @ Zenith de Nantes *
09/28 — Amsterdam, NL @ Ziggo Dome *
09/29 — Berlin, DE @ Mercedes-Benz Arena *
10/01 — Warsaw, PL @ COS Torwar *
10/28 — Washington, DC @ The Anthem ^
11/01 — Camden, NJ @ Waterfront Music Pavilion ^
11/04 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center ^
11/08 — Boston, MA @ MGM Fenway Music Hall ^
11/10 — Uncasville, CT @ Mohegan Sun Arena ^
11/12 — Chicago, IL @ United Center ^
11/13 — Minneapolis, MN @ The Armory ^
11/16 — Los Angeles, CA @ The Kia Forum ^
11/19 — San Francisco, CA @ Bill Graham Civic Auditorium ^
11/22 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena ^
11/25 — Vancouver, BC @ Rogers Arena ^
11/27 — Edmonton, AB @ Rogers Place ^
12/01 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena ^

* with Feist
^ with Beck (acoustic)

Award shows are stupid, acting shouldn’t be a competition, etc. But come on: it’s a crime, one that even Lalo wouldn’t commit, that Better Call Saul star Rhea Seehorn hasn’t been nominated for an Emmy. She’s on arguably the best show on TV, giving inarguably the best performance. I’d say “it’s time,” but it’s been time since season one.

Variety posted their predictions for the Best Supporting Actress category at the 2022 Emmys this week, led by Sarah Snook (Succession), Julia Garner (Ozark), J. Smith Cameron (Succession), and Seehorn. It’s a stacked category — other potential nominees include Jung Ho-Yeon for Squid Game, Christina Ricci for Yellowjackets, and Sydney Sweeney for Euphoria — but Odenkirk believes in his co-star.

“Everybody wise up!” he tweeted in response to Variety’s Twitter account wondering whether the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will “finally recognize” Seehorn’s performance. Garner should be considered the favorite, considering she won in 2019 and 2020, but as Variety points out, Seehorn’s “added exposure” as a director could help her case. And if she doesn’t win this year, there’s always part two.

As for the rest of Saul‘s final season, Seehorn said that it will “blow people’s minds. I can’t wait for it to come out.” The people need to know what Lalo has been up to.

(Via Variety)

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Congrats to Spooge

My position on prequels is that they are weird. They can be good, sure, and they often are, but mostly they are weird. We already know what happens to all or most of the characters. We’re just filling in the stuff before all the other stuff we already saw. Again, it can work. But again, it’s… weird. This is high-level professional television criticism. It also brings us to Better Call Saul.

Better Call Saul is the prequel to Breaking Bad, which you probably know. It’s been a blast pretty much all the way through. We’ve seen old friends like Saul and Mike and Gus, we’ve met a slew of terrific new characters like Kim Wexler and Lalo Salamanca, and we’ve seen lots of little callbacks to the original series. There was one from this week’s episode that cracked me up. It happened just as the man we met as Jimmy McGill was full-on turning into Saul Goodman, working for cartels and opening new offices and all of it.

Specifically, it was this moment.

I actually did not catch this at first. I wrote up a whole recap without acknowledging the fact that we had seen Spooge before. Luckily, if you are wrong on the Internet, people will tell you. And people told me. A few times. And then I went on the Breaking Bad Wiki and looked up Spooge and remembered. He was in an episode from season two, about 13 years ago. He was a drug-addled mess in that episode and he and his drug-addled wife kidnapped Jesse and had a stolen ATM in their living room and he kept calling her “a skank” and then… let’s just let the Wiki summary take this one.

Jesse comes to and finds Spooge’s wife aiming his own gun at him while Spooge rifles through Jesse’s pockets. Later, Spooge leans the ATM against a chair and positioned himself underneath to drill into its base. Spooge once again argues with his woman and calls her a skank, in response, she pushes the ATM upright, crushing Spooge’s head. Nonplussed, Spooge’s wife grabs some dope off his body, crosses the room, and passes out on the couch. A shocked and panicked Jesse retrieves his gun from the body and begins wiping his fingerprints from around the house and off the ATM. As he does so, its door suddenly swings open and cash spills out.

I feel like a visual will help. It helped me. Also, I made this GIF and now I really want to use it. So… here we go.

I need you to take a few minutes to think about this one over the weekend. This guy — David Ury, who has been in everything, including my beloved Lodge 49 — got a call in 2022 to reprise a role he played in 2009 where he got his head crushed by an ATM and was named Spooge. Imagine being his agent and listening to that whole pitch and taking it to him and it all working out. It’s basically a miracle. We should have been talking about this all week. Some of us were. The people who were yelling at me, mostly.

I do appreciate it all. I like that Peter Gould and Vince Gilligan are doing it, just getting the whole band back together piece by piece, one instrument at a time, even if dopes like me who have little goldfish brains whiff on the recall the first time through. It made for a fun journey for me again this week. I got to reacclimate myself to the legend of Spooge. And I got to make that GIF. I didn’t even know how to make GIFs when that episode first aired. We’ve all come so far. You, me, Spooge, all of us.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — This is just a lovely piece of business

A few things here are not in dispute:

• Weird Al is the best
• Someone should have made a movie about Weird Al a long time ago
• It’s good that someone finally did

It’s also good that the movie about Weird Al is, well, weird. Super weird. The movie appears to be for music biopics what a Weird Al song is to the original version, which is to say that it keeps the general structure but makes everything about 200 percent sillier. I appreciate this, and him, so much. My colleague Josh Kurp wrote about the trailer when it was released this week and had this to say.

In the teaser trailer above, Radcliffe is a ripped, hard-drinking Yankovic, who in real life doesn’t drink and has never done drugs. “I’ve been around people that smoked dope, pot, Mary Jane, reefer. I enjoyed being around those people in college because it was very easy to make them laugh. But it was never my thing and my parents drilled into me not to ever take drugs, so out of respect for them I never did,” he told Rolling Stone. “Maybe when I’m 75 years old I might be ready for them. We’ll see what happens.”

This is just all really cool and I’m happy it exists. I’m also happy for Daniel Radcliffe, who is playing the fake ripped Weird Al in the movie about Weird Al’s alleged life. The dude made a ton of money playing Harry Potter throughout pretty much his entire youth, and was one of the most recognizable teenagers on the planet for all of his teens. Lots of kids don’t make it out of that in great shape, or at least take some time to right the ship. Daniel Radcliffe seems to have his head on pretty straight. He’s doing fun and goofy projects and not melting down in public and, again, playing a ripped version of Weird Al in a fake Weird Al biopic. That’s cool.

Good job by everyone here. Including me. I admittedly did less than Weird Al and Daniel Radcliffe to make all of this happen, but I did post the trailer and say how cool it was, which is not nothing. It’s just a tiny bit more than not nothing. But still. Not nothing.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — Barry remains a good show

Are you watching Barry? I hope, both because Barry is a great show and because it will make this next thing a lot easier to explain. It’s a scene from the second episode of this new season. It aired on Sunday. I saw it in a screener a few weeks ago and full-on shout-laughed at my computer, and I have been waiting for to it air ever since so I could talk about it. It was torture. I have a very difficult and serious job.

Anyway, short version, with as few spoilers as possible because, again, you should start watching Barry if you’re not: Henry Winkler’s character, acting coach Gene Cousineau, is running from a dangerous man who had just kidnapped him. As soon as the chase gets heated, though, the action cuts to a conversation at a dinner table between the couple in that screenshot up there. They are breaking up. The woman on the left is trying to figure out why the woman on the right is ending it. They go back and forth a little, and then you see Henry Winkler pop up in the yard behind them (he’s back there in the screencap), and then you see him tear off in fear, and then you see…

Well, this.

It was maybe the hardest I’ve laughed at any non-Holey Moley thing I’ve seen on television this year. Just perfect. The mixture of menacing and strange and stupid — I mean this as a compliment, I swear — created just about the best 90 seconds of television you can possibly make. I watched it a second time to grab these images and I cracked up all over again, even though I knew it was coming. Barry is a good show.

Speaking of Barry, there’s also this: Liz Shannon Miller interviewed Anthony Carrigan — my beloved NoHo Hank — last week. I had the pleasure of interviewing him last year. He’s a lovely man. Which is how and why you get answers like this when you ask him what you think is a straightforward question.

Looking forward — like, let’s say the show goes on for another few seasons and NoHo Hank survives, what’s something you’d really love to see him get to do?

Oh, wow. You know, let’s see. I don’t know. [Laughs] Maybe I should just say something that’s so unrealistic — maybe NoHo Hank going to Disneyland. Like, just that as a montage on its own, I feel like I would watch that. I would watch that as its own episode.

Hmm. Yes, I would watch that episode, too. I kind of need to watch that episode now. Hell, make it a two-parter. Give Hank a whole arc at Disney. Show me him riding Space Mountain. Show me him posing with Goofy and Pluto. Show me NoHo Hank with the little Mickey Mouse ears hat on. I was kind of joking when I started typing this paragraph but now I’m serious.

Bill Hader, if you’re reading this, please send NoHo Hank to Disney. Please. For me. And Anthony Carrigan. For me and Anthony Carrigan. Thank you.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I think about this a lot

There’s a great article about Jeopardy over at The Ringer this week. It’s by Claire McNear, who quite literally wrote the book on Jeopardy, so there was already an expectation it was going to be good, but then it also was really good. It’s nice when things work out like that. The whole thing is about the awkward little chat the host and contestants have coming out of the first commercial break, and specifically about how tough it is to keep coming up with quick and fun anecdotes to share about yourself when you’ve already won a slew of games in a row and burned through your best stories. It’s also about how it can sometimes be deeply, deeply funny (please watch that video up there), but mostly it’s about that first thing.

I think my favorite part was this bit about Jeopardy superchamp and noted rascal Ken Jennings.

With his games stretching across nearly six months, Jennings has said that coming up with fresh fodder to discuss with Trebek proved to be a real challenge—so much so that he started to get creative. “After my first round of shows, I was out of fun stories,” Jennings told Vulture in 2020. “But every week, Jeopardy! would call and be like, ‘You’re taping again next week, we need more stories for your cards!’ I didn’t have any other stories to share. I’m gonna admit that sometimes I’d make things up. I wouldn’t pretend to be a hero or anything, but you can put anything on those cards. The show doesn’t fact-check that stuff. Alex would look at my card and be like, ‘Hey, Ken, it says here you really like airline food.’ And I’d be like, ‘I do Alex, I kind of think it’s a fun treat!’”

While getting into the upper reaches of winning streaks means that the well of factoids starts to run dry, Roach says, it does have its advantages. “The thing that’s nice about getting into the higher numbers in terms of a run is like, at a certain point, I do think that you’re able to make up anecdotes that are basically just talking about how you’ve won a bunch of games,” she says. Indeed, what could be more relevant to Jeopardy! than having already won double-digit episodes of Jeopardy!?

That’s great. I love the idea of someone just lying in these. Who would know? Your family and friends, I guess, but that’s it. Say you climbed a mountain. Say you won a quiche bake-off in college. Say you have a dog named Randy Montreal. There’s really nothing stopping you.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what my first Jeopardy anecdote would be if I ever end up on the show. (I say “first” here because I expect to win many times.) I think I would have to go with the time in high school when I was pitching in a baseball game and I beaned the same kid twice in one inning. That’s a good story. Although, it does dawn on me now that you guys might think I’m making this up. I did just go through a whole thing about how I would lie on the show. But I’m serious about this. It really did happen. As far as any of you know. But it did. They batted around the lineup on me and he came up the second time batting from the opposite side of the plate with a snotty little smile on his face. I would never lie about this. Again, as far as you know.

In conclusion…

It would be hilarious to hear Paddington explain the entire plot of Paddington 2 in little 90-second blips over the course of like a 35-episode winning streak. That’s the main thing you should take away from this.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Impostors at MarkWahlberg dot com

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

I’m sorry for shouting but this is probably the single most incredible email address I’ve ever seen. It’s been days and I’m not over it. It might be weeks before I even start getting over it. I don’t see how to even start. This is my problem, not yours, but mostly I’m hoping that typing it out a bunch like I did up there will help exorcise it from my bra-…

IMPOSTORS AT MARKWAHLBERG DOT COM

Welp. So much for that.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Lee:

I think about this Tiktok a lot and devote an unreasonable amount of mental energy trying to manifest it into reality. I enjoy it because it’s true to the character while showcasing what makes Matt Berry so enjoyable. Do you have an actor or actress that you think would shine doing voice acting that differs from their regular body of work, and what would you cast them as?

I hope you’ve been well, as always you are one of my favorite writers to read and you radiate good vibes. Haven’t been writing in because I’ve been too present, distracted by the moment. Sorry but thank you.

To be clear, I did not leave that last paragraph in there because of the compliment. I am not that insufferable. (I am insufferable, just not that insufferable.) I would have cut it out, I swear, but I left it in because it references one of the greatest tweets ever and I wanted an excuse to post it again.

Anyway, I have two answers here. One is Rosie Perez. I might have picked her before I heard her narrate a chapter of the Beastie Boys Book audiobook, but I am definitely saying it after hearing that. It’s amazing. I know I talk about it all the time but the reason I talk about it all the time is that it’s amazing. Go listen to it. Rosie Perez is the greatest.

The second answer is Lance Reddick. I want to hear him bring this kind of intensity and gravitas to pretty much anything.

There are others, probably. I bet I’ll think of a million of them right after this publishes. But these are a good start. Make a show where they play an animated husband and wife who steal priceless artwork. Listen to me.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Washington!

Firefighters rescued a woman who had tumbled into a Mt. Walker vault toilet while attempting to fish her lost cellphone out from the waste on Tuesday afternoon.

Look.

This happens.

You see it all the time.

Let’s not make a big deal out of it.

Brinnon Fire Department Chief Tim Manly said the woman, who was at the top of Mt. Walker, had been using her phone and had dropped it down into the vault. After she disassembled the toilet seat, she used dog leashes to try to retrieve the phone and eventually used the leashes to tie herself off as she reached for it, he said. That effort failed and she fell, horrifyingly, into the vault, headfirst.

This is yet another one of those situations where two things can be true at once. The first is that I feel awful for this woman. The second thing is that if you filmed this and put it into a Ben Stiller movie from the early 2000s, I might still be laughing today.

But I feel awful for her.

But still.

“They didn’t work very well and in she went,” Manly said.

Well said.

The woman was washed down and “was strongly encouraged to seek medical attention after being exposed to human waste, but she only wanted to leave,” the department said.

“She only wanted to leave.”

I mean… yeah.

Understandable.