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Lil Baby is certainly one of rap’s biggest artists and it’s something that he’s proven over the past couple of years. In 2020, he released his sophomore album My Turn which was heralded as rap’s album of the year, and the following year, he teamed up with Lil Durk for their joint album, Voice of The Heroes. Both of the aforementioned albums debuted at No. 1 on the album charts and Baby is aiming to extend that streak to three with his upcoming full-length effort. While there’s no timeline for when his next project will arrive, he arrives to give anticipation for it a boost with two new singles: “In A Minute” and “Right On.”

The two tracks mark Baby’s first official releases of the year and they’re both strong efforts. “In A Minute” is a more relaxed record that features a sample of Ellie Goulding’s “Don’t Say a Word” which was most famously used in Drake and Jay-Z’s “Pound Cake.” On the flip side, “Right On” is a bit more lively and vibrant as it presents a quicker tempo thanks to the song’s production. Despite their differences, Baby uses both records to speak confidently about himself and remind listeners about his status and talents ahead of his upcoming third album.

Lil Baby’s new songs arrive after he teased a summer takeover last month. “It’s Gone Be A Nastyyyyy Summer,” he wrote in one tweet. In another, he added, “Drop a video every few weeks until [exploding head emojis],” and it seems like that plan is officially in motion.

You can listen to “In A Minute” and “Right On” in the videos above.

Former 60 Minutes correspondent Lara Logan has been about as welcome a presence on Fox News over the past several months as Rudy Giuliani. Up until November 2021, Logan was a familiar face to audiences… until she made the unfortunate decision to compare Dr. Anthony Fauci to Josef Mengele—yes, the Nazi “Angel of Death,” who performed monstrous experiments during the Holocaust.

Fox viewers have yet to see the 51-year-old anchor reappear on their screens since. And while Fox has kept relatively mum on Logan’s future with the channel—or even to acknowledge that she is indeed a human being who does exist in this world—Logan has her own ideas about why Fox has shipped her off to news person Siberia.

As Mediaite reports, Logan resurfaced on Wednesday to chat with a conservative radio personality named Eric Metaxas. After gushing over how “wonderful” it was to see her face on Fox News each day, Metaxas got right to the matter at hand and asked the question on everyone’s mind: Has Logan been officially fired by Fox News, or did she make the decision to leave?

“No, I was definitely pushed out,” Logan said. “There is no doubt about that.” But rather than admit that her comments about Dr. Fauci may have been, well, a lot bit heinous, she seems to stand by her previous comments and placed the blame squarely on Fox News.

“They don’t want independent thinkers,” Logan said. “They don’t want people who follow the facts regardless of the politics.”

Believe it or not, there was a time—in the not too distant past, in fact—when was a pretty respected journalist. Yes, the same Logan who recently accused Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky of having ties to Satan and the occult. It’s a bizarre allegation, but not a particularly surprising thing to hear coming out of the mouth of a woman who blocked the Auschwitz Museum on Twitter after they denounced her comments about Dr. Fauci.

(Via Mediaite)

Thanks to a healthy hand from TikTok and other social media platforms, Foushee worked her way into the spotlight in 2021. Her rise tracks back to 2020 thanks to the release of “Deep End Freestyle,” which went viral on TikTok following a remix from Sleepy Hallow. Last year, Foushee went on to release her debut project Time Machine which was propelled by tracks like “Paper Plane” and “My Slime.” Since then, Foushee has worked with the likes of Vince Staples, Ayra Starr, Lil Wayne, Saba, and more. Less than a year after she dropped Time Machine, Foushee’s ready to roll out her next body of work.

It begins with “Double Standard.” Just like the rest of her catalog, the new single is quite the genre-bending record that see Foushee throwing up a middle finger to the societal norms that restrict her desired way of life. In a press release, she said the song addresses “outdated gender roles that I have experienced in past relationships and rebelling against them.” She adds, “The imbalance frustrates me. Don’t expect anything from me that you wouldn’t give me, including respect and loyalty. I match energy.”

Along with the new song, which is the first single from her upcoming project, Foushee also released quite an interesting visualizer for the song. It features her and Steve Lacy enjoying each other’s company and locking lips in the middle of a grassy field. “I wanted to feature Steve Lacy in the visualizer/artwork to mostly to stir up thought,” she said. “It’s kind of a bold move to make out with someone on artwork for the world to analyze, but that’s what the song represents. Breaking the rules.”

You can listen to “Double Standard” in the visual above and stay tuned for more from Foushee.

In just a matter of weeks, Jack Harlow will release his sophomore album Come Home The Kids Miss You. The project is set to be the follow-up to 2020’s That’s What They Say which featured popular records like “What’s Poppin” and “Tyler Herro.” So far, Harlow has released one single from Come Home The Kids Miss You, that being “Nail Tech.” The track is a classy and flashy record that was very much on-brand for Harlow and he keeps that theme alive on his latest single.

With less than a month until Come Home The Kids Miss You, Harlow returns with “First Class.” The track gained traction on social media thanks to its wonderful sample of Fergie’s 2006 song “Glamorous,” which fans got a tease of thanks to a preview from the rapper. Harlow uses the classic record to create an enticing invitation to the mile-high club for a special lady in his life all while teasing the perks of flying above the clouds.

In addition to sharing the release date for Come Home The Kids Miss You, Harlow also unveiled the cover art for the project. It depicts him in front of a white backdrop as he sits on a stool with a mic stand beside him.

You can listen to “First Class” in the video above.

Come Home The Kids Miss You is out 5/6 via Atlantic.

Jack Harlow is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Everything changed for BIA in 2020. The Massachusetts native spent years trying to work her way towards a spotlight moment and it finally arrived with the viral success of Whole Lotta Money. The song eventually led to the release of her For Certain EP which presented guest appearances from Lil Durk, Doe Boy, and 42 Dugg. Her success carried over into 2021 when Nicki Minaj delivered a remix to “Whole Lotta Money,” and that release led to the arrival of a deluxe reissue of For Certain with new guest features from G Herbo and Sevyn Streeter.

However, all of that is in the past now as BIA can only use her prior success as stepping stones to reach newer heights. An example of that comes with her latest song, “London.” The new track calls upon another rap superstar, this one being J. Cole. Together, the rappers dip their toes into British culture and even show off their best Top Boy impressions through their lengthy verses. “London” also comes with a matching visual that places the duo in the bustling England city as they shop at the mall, cruise on speedboats, and talk a slick game with their crew behind them.

The track arrives as J. Cole’s latest guest verse in what appears to be the second feature run of his career. He’s recently worked with Earthgang, YG, and Benny The Butcher. More recently, he gathered his Dreamville team to craft their D-Day: A Gangsta Grillz Mixtape with DJ Drama.

You can listen to BIA and J. Cole’s “London” in the video above.

42 Dugg is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

In 2020, Chloe Bailey and her sister Halle stood out thanks to their incredible album Ungodly Hour. The project was the Chloe x Halle duo’s sophomore release, and by the end of the year, it was heralded as one of the year’s best R&B projects. In 2021, the Baileys took a page out of The Internet’s book and opted for some time to work on solo projects while stressing that they were not done as a duo. So far, that decision has resulted in incredible individual covers from Chloe and Hailey and the release of Chloe’s debut solo single, “Have Mercy.”

Now, in 2022, Chloe continues her journey as a solo act with “Treat Me.” It’s a record that she’s teased on TikTok and other social media platforms for quite a while now. “Treat Me” is carried by production that sports quite a bounce, which gives Chloe more than enough room to show off her dance moves and once again impress viewers. The track was also released with an accompanying music video that sees her being her most unapologetic self as she showcases her best attributes in a provocative message to her unnamed recipient.

Hopefully, “Treat Me” will grant Chloe the same collection of moments that “Have Mercy” did. After releasing the latter record, Chloe performed it at the MTV VMAs, the AMAs, and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

You can watch the video for “Treat Me” above.

Last May, Dave Chappelle sat down with Joe Rogan to spend several hours talking about everything and nothing, as guests of The Joe Rogan Experience tend to do. At one point, the topic turned to their early days as working comedians, and The Chappelle Show star revealed that back before The Wire made Idris Elba a household name—and long before he was being nominated for Emmys, BAFTAs, or Golden Globe Awards—the future MCU star used to sell him weed.

It’s been nearly a year since Chappelle first dropped that fun little nugget, and now Elba has finally responded—and confirmed that, yep, it’s all true. As Entertainment Weekly reported, Elba recently paid a visit to The Jess Cagle Show, where the London-born actor talked about his early struggles trying to make it as an actor. The way the Luther star tells it, his acting career “fell flat on its face very quickly for about four years” when he first moved to New York City. “I did a lot of things,” Elba said of how he made ends meet, “some things I’m not proud of.”

Cagle, likely knowing where the story was going, pressed for further details, and Elba supplied them:

“I used to sell weed. Can I say that on the show? I did that for a little bit just to, you know, help pay the way. I DJ’ed quite a bit. I was a doorman. I was a doorman at Carolines comedy club, which is fascinating now, when I meet the comedians that you kind of remember the English guy. Tall English guy with the funny accent and the little hair.”

And yes, Elba acknowledged that Chappelle was indeed one of those comedians. “David Chappelle remembers me ’cause he used to buy weed from me,” Elba confirmed. “Anyway, moving on. Yeah, I did all kinds of things to be honest, all kinds of things.”

Ultimately, Elba’s entrepreneurial spirit only serves as further proof that he was perfectly cast in the role of The Wire’s Stringer Bell, who never stopped raising the bar on his goals. After all, as String would say: “There’s games beyond the f***ing game.”

(Via Entertainment Weekly)

Snot, who is just 24 years old, earned himself a healthy amount of attention in 2020 with the release of his debut project Beautiful Havoc. Earlier this year, he followed up that project with his sophomore effort Ethereal. It was led by two singles, “Go” and “Doja,” with the latter causing a bit of controversy thanks to a line that was misunderstood by many, even Doja Cat herself. Ethereal arrived with 14 songs and guest appearances from ASAP Rocky, Trippie Redd, Kevin Abstract, Juicy J, Joey Badass, and Teddi Jones. Nearly two months after the project’s release, Snot returns with a new visual for folks to enjoy.

A new video for “Benzo,” one of the standout songs from Ethereal has arrived. In it, Snot sits on a car as it pierces through daytime city traffic while his crew cruises on motorbikes beside him. Things calm down for a brief moment when Snot stops by a friend’s house, but the party continues once he steps inside the house.

The video arrives after Snot received some flack from Snot The Band after they dissed nu-metal band Limp Bizkit. It came after Limp Bizkit’s decided to bring the young rapper on their upcoming Still Sucks Tour rather than Snot The Band.

You can watch the video for “Benzo” in the video above.

Ethereal is out now via 300 Entertainment. You can stream it here.

Snot is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

If there’s one person who could save us from ourselves, it’s probably Dolly Parton. The legendary singer/songwriter/actor/philanthropist/novelist/goddess is also quite the philosopher, and has a way of seeing the world that somehow makes everything clear.

Take, for example, the very complicated and geopolitical matter of climate change. Just ahead of Earth Day, the Tennessee native sat down with National Geographic to chat about her love of the Great Smoky Mountains she grew up surrounded by, calling her home state “one of the most beautiful places in the world.”

Parton is putting her money where her mouth is, too. The American Eagle Foundation, a nonprofit organization that rescues, rehabilitates, and educates the public about eagles, owls, vultures, and other birds of prey, counts Dollywood—Parton’s iconic theme park in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee—among its largest sponsors, and operates a bald eagle sanctuary from the park. Through her partnerships as well as her own actions, Parton hopes to encourage others to feel the same sense of stewardship over not just the places they live, but the world at large.

As Amy Alipio writes for National Geographic:

Respecting the music, the land, the people—all that lies at the heart of Parton’s hopes for the future. Parton is unafraid to stomp her glittery heel when it comes to caring for the environment—her message is clear and she is increasingly amplifying it wherever she travels. How can she be wrong?

“We should pay more attention. We’re just mistreating Mother Nature—that’s like being ugly to your mama,” Parton says. “We need to take better care of the things that God gave us freely. And that we’re so freely messing up.”

We don’t deserve Dolly!

(Via National Geographic)

This week on Top Chef Houston, it was time to celebrate Houston’s greatest export: the girlboss. It was a themed challenge in which the chefs were to prepare dishes meant to celebrate five Texas trailblazers.

And what better way to honor a girlboss than with a themed cooking challenge? What would Eleanor Roosevelt eat? What would Joan of Arc eat? What would Kris Kardashian-Jenner eat? Waiter, I shall have your finest BOSSFOOD, extra femininely, of course.

Ah, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Girlboss Cuisine was for the Elimination Challenge. Before we get to TALENTI GELATO that, I should TALENTI GELATO explain the Quickfire TALENTI GELATO Challenge, in which the TALENTI GELATO chefs, working in TALENTI GELATO teams, were tasked with TALENTI GELATO combining salty and sweet TALENTI GELATO flavors they’d chosen, in the TALENTI GELATO hopes of creating a TALENTI GELATO salty and sweet dessert that could TALENTI GELATO inspire the next TALENTI GELATO flavor of Talenti Gelato.

Which would win them ten thousand TALENTI GELATO cream dollars.

Did I mention this challenge was sponsored by Talenti Gelato? I feel like I should because the sponsor mentions were so subtle and seamless that you could barely tell. Meanwhile, Padma wore this:

Hmm, collar, epaulets, belt, and four pockets? Seems… a bit much. Is that a cargo dress? As Coco Chanel once said, 0ne should always remove at least one set of pockets before one leaves the house. It looks like she’s heading to The Matrix for the first time and wanted to make sure she had room for all her stuff.

Anyway, that challenge was introduced by lovable former competitors Kelsey Barnard Clark (season 16 winner) and Nini Nguyen. Aw, remember season 16? I had so much nickname fodder then.

NINI: On this side of the kitchen are 10 food items that are salty, like me.

KELSEY: And on this side are 10 that are sweet, like me.

I really feel like they could’ve played up this joke a little more. If Kelsey has never hucked an empty beer car in the direction of a cop I’ll eat my shirt (God, I miss her).

After that, it was time for the Elimination Challenge, which, as previously mentioned, paid tribute to famous Girlbosses throughout Texas history. Specifically, the chefs were tasked with creating dishes “in honor of five trailblazing Texas women”: Ann Richards, Selena, Barbara Jordan, Babe Didrikson-Zaharias, and Bessie Coleman. Ah, yes, good, there’s nothing I love more than receiving a history lesson from my reality cooking show contestants.

That also meant that it was TIME TO GET CONCEPTUAL, Y’ALL!

This whole challenge reminds me of that old Mitch Hedberg bit, about how in Hollywood, people are always asking if you can do other things. All right, you’re a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That’s not fair. That’s like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I’m a really good cook, they’d say, “OK, you’re a cook. But can you also farm?”

This is sort of like that, but even better. “Okay, you’re a cook, but can you also metaphor? Fix me up a seabass in the style of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s iconoclasm.”

RESULTS:

Quickfire Top: Nick-Ashleigh*. Damarr-Monique. Jo-Evelyn.
Quickfire Bottom (as implied by they’re not being in the top): Luke-Buddha. Jackson-Jae.

Elimination Top: Evelyn*, Jackson, Buddha.
Elimination Bottom: Luke, Monique**, Ashleigh.

*Winner
**Eliminated
—

10. (-3) ((Eliminated)) Monique Feybesse

AKA: Pebbles Flintstone. Henrietta Hawk. Stretch.

When it came down to Luke and Stretch in the final two, I was convinced Stretch would be saved by virtue of not being a white guy. Surely they’re not going to eliminate a female chef on the Girlboss episode, are they?? They did!

Not a criticism, by the way. Monique here has had her ups and downs throughout the show, and for her dish honoring Barbara Jordan, the first Black politician elected to the Texas Senate after Reconstruction, Monique took the fairly straightforward approach of trying to use ingredients that would’ve been popular/available in Barbara Jordan’s neighborhood growing up.

This took the form of a fried oyster over beans in pancetta broth with pickled okra. I love a fried oyster and beans are whatever, but this presented several logistical issues. Would the watery broth turn the nice crispy oyster soggy? Would the oysters be too big? These were apparently Monique’s biggest concerns, which she “solved” by cutting the oysters in half (losing all the juice in the process — Tom was AGOG over this one) and skimping on the broth. Leading to a dish of bland dry beans topped by a dry fried oyster.

Beans and oysters? I dunno, man. Feels like a poorly thought-out dish. Girlboss or not, it seemed like she deserved to go home for that one.

One thing left unsaid: when this challenge was introduced, they noted that the winner would be decided by an even vote from all the attendees. Was the loser chosen this way too, or did the main judges hash it out amongst themselves like normal? A benevolent dictatorship is very ungirlboss.

Notable Critiques: “Did anyone else get a half-cut oyster in their bowl?” “The oyster was nicely fried.” “It didn’t wow me, and Barbara Jordan was a wow.” “It reminded me of a three-bean salad out of a can.”

9. (+1) Ashleigh Shanti

AKA: Moon Juice. Sugar Hillcountry.

I love that the judges pulled Ashleigh out of Last Chance Kitchen purgatory at the beginning of the show and then had her crying from their cruel critiques by the end. That kind of brutal culinary capriciousness is what keeps me watching this show.

Ashleigh opened the show strong, teaming with Nick for the gelato challenge, for which their ginger-pork rind crumble cake thingy won top honors. I think it probably helped that they had Alabama-bred Kelsey and New Orleans-raised Nini judging the dishes. Those are two girls who probably don’t mind a little pork skin now and again. “Ginger-Pork rind” honestly sounds like a pretty good combo, dessert or not.

That won Ashleigh $5,000 and immunity, flying high heading into the elimination challenge. As the producers illustrated by showing Ashleigh freestyling into the mirror. I physically recoiled as soon as the mirror rap began, but it’s a credit to Ashleigh that it wasn’t nearly as cringe as you’d expect a Top Chef contestant freestyling into a mirror to be. Takes a high degree of natural cuteness to pull that one off. Still, freestyling on a reality show is a bit like cooking chicken breast — if you’re insanely talented it might not suck, but not-sucking is about the best you can hope for out of it.

Ashleigh stuck to her “Afro-lacchian” brand in the elimination challenge, cooking candied pork with “killed lettuces” (lettuce wilted in bacon grease, which sounds pretty good, actually) and salt-and-vinegar potatoes. That all sounded so good that if this episode had been a menu, this is the dish I probably would’ve ordered. Unfortunately, it was apparently so bad that it had a blind lady complaining about the texture and prompted a ballerina to say, “Sometimes you have to be able to see someone’s baby and be able to say, ‘I’m sorry, your baby is ugly.’”

Note to producers: bring that Ugly Baby lady back as a guest judge, she rules.

They were so harsh that they made Ashleigh cry, and she wasn’t even in the room to hear the part where they compared her dish to an ugly baby. She probably would’ve gone home, except, oops! She had immunity. That was a fun twist!

8. (even) Luke Kolpin

AKA: Liddell. Die Hard. Meekus. Eurotrip. Noma… Noma… Noma gonna be in this competition much longer, anyway.

How the f*ck is this dude still in the competition? It seems like he finishes second to last every episode!

Luke teamed up with Buddha for the quickfire, thinking their combination of miso and honey was a classic one. Yet I’ve noticed on this show that team challenges tend to go better when you team a conceptual weirdo like Luke with a homestyle chef. That way the space food wizard can up the homestyle chef’s plating game and the homestyle chef can edit the wizard’s ideas when he strays too far from Earth food. Putting Luke and Buddha together is concept-on-concept, and even after sculpting leaves out of miso gel or some shit and serving them inside a miniature zeppelin filled with liquid nitrogen or whatever, the two failed to crack the top three of five teams.

Luke drew Bessie Coleman in the elimination challenge, and after revealing his learning disability, took his inspiration from the fact that Bessie Coleman had moved to Europe early in life to pursue her career in pilotry. Hey, that’s just like how LUKE moved to Europe early in HIS career! Wait, has Luke lived in Europe? I hadn’t heard.

For his dish, Luke “cured” a salmon in seaweed and cilantro (to honor Coleman’s Native American forebears, who introduced cured salmon to the colonists) and served it with “chicken fudge,” which is apparently a compound butter made from chicken fat. There was also some sort of crumble in there. That actually sounded fairly appetizing for a Luke dish (much better than room-temperature pumpkin, certainly) but apparently, it was once again bland. Tom was all, “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH CHICKEN FUDGE HERE, IDIOT! DADDY DEMANDS FUDGE!”

Something like that. Anyway, I can’t believe Luke is still here, he never goes more than three challenges without being on the bottom.

7. (+2) Jo Chan

AKA: Sarge. Smiles.

Jo got lots of monologues this episode about how this Girlboss challenge was just so important right now, in this time and this place — one of those clichés that has become basically an instant groan from me. Amazing how the “this is the movie/show/dog food brand/condom America needs RIGHT NOW!” has seemed to crop up once a week for the past 10 years.

Not everything can possibly be this important for this long. We need to start triaging some shit before I lose my mind. Also, I don’t know about you, but a reality cooking competition show isn’t something I watch because it’s important.

Aaaanyway, they probably ginned up a soundbite like that from every contestant this week and it just so happened they used the one from Jo.

Jo drew Ann Richards, who apparently loved Thai food (a type of food that’s just so, so important right now), inspiring Jo to prepare a Thai-style gulf shrimp. To mixed reviews, unfortunately.

Notable Critiques: “It’s unfortunate that it was so sweet, because sweet isn’t what I think of when I think of Ann Richards.” “She could’ve pumped up the flavor a lot.”

6. (even) Jae Jung

AKA: Noodles. Jae West. Hilaria.

Ah, Jae, I love this weirdo. In a season lacking in eccentrics, Jae teamed with Jackson for the Quickfire Challenge, describing him as “like a little horse.” Because he’s “always jumping around. You know, like a little horse?”

Yep, horses, definitely the first animal that comes to mind when I think of a person who jumps around. Hey, are you guys enjoying the bounce house? You’re like a herd of little horses in there!

Sadly for Jae, this was an elimination challenge that prized metaphors and confident bullshitting above all else, leaving Jae at a distinct disadvantage, both as a non-native English speaker and a person who seems to speak in confusing riddles. Jae drew Babe Didriksson-Zaharias, and as she explained it to the camera, Babe was a fighter, which reminded Jae of her first boss, Leah Chase, who taught Jae to cook gumbo. That was a bit of a stretch, but a fairly coherent story!

Unfortunately, when Jae got up to try to repeat it in front of the Top Chef judges and a roomful of legends, she dissolved in a puddle of tears, and one of the few parts of the story anyone could make out was how “Leah used to tell me that if I screwed up the gumbo she’d punch me in the face.”

Haha, great story, Jae!

Notable Critiques: “I’m obsessed with this okra kimchi.” “I do feel like it lacked a bit of that depth of flavor you expect from a gumbo.”

5. (-3) Nick Wallace

AKA: Domingo. Chocolate Mormon. The Count.

I feel reasonably confident about the bottom of these rankings, but the top five are turning into a pick-’em. Nick drew the pork rinds at the top of the episode. He tried to sandbag himself like a pork rind dessert was going to be beyond him, but c’mon, Nick, no one’s buying that shit. You’re a chef from Mississippi, people expect you to know some damn pork rinds.

Naturally, he did (though technically he let Ashleigh handle the actual pork rinds) and they won, earning, as Nick charmingly described it “Five one thousand dollars.”

The Chocolate Mormon (remember, Nick has six children whose names all begin with N) drew Ann Richards in the elimination challenge, taking inspiration from Ann Richards’ conversion to healthy eating during her long struggle with cancer. Oh no! Never make healthy food on Top Chef! There is literally no upside! You idiot, you absolute fool.

Nick ended up cooking a potato-encrusted red snapper with beet risotto, kale romesco, and “mushroom-shaped potatoes.” Which are just potatoes shaped like mushrooms for some reason. It’s almost like Nick wanted to double down on the lack of upside with a healthy dish and make something with even less upside. One thing I never worry about when I’m eating potatoes is whether they’re shaped like mushrooms.

The judges mostly liked the food overall (a testament to Nick’s talent that he can make something this ill-conceived and still succeed) but Tom called those mushroom potatoes “cute,” in a tone of voice that suggested he was about two beers away from an actual dismissive wanking motion.

I like to think Tom was paying tribute to powerful women by not saying what he really meant and disguising an insult as a compliment there– I’M KIDDING, I’M KIDDING, STOP CANCELING ME.

Anyway, Nick has the goods, but he’s going to need better decision-making skills than he showed this episode.

Notable Critique: “The potatoes, you know, they’re cute.” “I have to say, my mom would’ve loved this dish.”

4. (+1) Buddha Lo

AKA: Mr. International. Big Pun. Asian Ben Mendolsohn.

Buddha, as we’ve noted, teamed with Luke in the quickfire, which seemed to only exacerbate some of his worst impulses. Buddha was just spinning around the kitchen like a Tasmanian devil where some liquid nitrogen, a foam, and edible seaweed sculpted into the shape of a bunny for some reason would occasionally fly out.

They didn’t land in the top three (putting them in the bottom two, by process of elimination) and Buddha seemed legitimately perplexed by this. He gave a look that seemed to say, What the fuck? I made you fuckers another tuile and you betray me like this?

Buddha loves tuile so much. It’s like he conceives every dish tuile first. By the way, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to think of a new tuile-based nickname for Buddha and I’ve got bupkis. The tuiiiiiiiile in the skyyyy keeps on turrrrrniiiiin…

For the elimination challenge, Buddha drew Bessie Coleman, and showing that he’s still the king of puns (he would’ve knocked that tuile shit out in a heartbeat) Buddha prepared a riff on “poulet en vessie” (chicken cooked in a pig’s bladder), which he called “poulet en Bessie.” Which paid homage not only to Bessie Coleman’s name, but also to her early adulthood in France.

His version involved sous vide chicken breast, which he served over Paris Mash (aka fancy mashed potatoes) in a figure of eight shape, one of Bessie’s signature tricks. Yep, Buddha is a master of this metaphor stuff. He added popcorn for crunch, and when Tom asked “What does the popcorn represent?” Buddha threw back, without missing a beat, “Because when you see Brave Bessie fly, you’re gonna need some popcorn.”

Crushed that ad-lib, bro.

The judges loved his dish so much that Buddha ended up in the top three. Which is insane, because as we discussed, he made a chicken breast. Chicken breast is the highest risk/lowest reward food on earth. It’s like taking a test pass/fail knowing that 95% of the class is going to fail. The best you can do with a chicken breast is “edible.”

Buddha’s biggest weakness in this competition is his tendency to get overly conceptual at times. His biggest strength is that, other than being a pretty good chef, he’s the only one in this show who seems almost psychopathically competitive, going full Draymond every time he doesn’t win. Which is pretty funny coming from a cuddly Australian guy with a lisp.

3. (even) Jackson Kalb

AKA: Magoo. Andrew Lunk. Leghorn. Lurch. Bateman. Big Bird. Big Nerd. Napholeon Dynamite.

I keep trying to make these nicknames nicer, just in case I have to interview the winner at the end of the season. I don’t want them asking my why I nicknamed them “Shit For Brains” or whatever. But I feel like Leghorn keeps daring me to wedgy him every episode.

The Big Magoo drew Barbara Jordan this episode, who, according to Magoo, had a “lot of heart and guts.” Inspiring The Big Magoo to make a Big Ragu with chicken hearts and offal. Which he noted that he wanted to include offal, but not taste awful, a pun he underlined by fully spelling out the second homophone (A-W-F-U-L). Clearly assuming that wasn’t explanation enough, Jackson also made this face, to ensure we knew not just how awful is spelled, but what it looks like:

Thanks for that close-up, producers. Gonna be honest here, this cursed image of Drew Magary‘s Oh Face was not something I needed in my life.

But damned if this brilliant goober didn’t make a hand-cut tagliatelle that landed him in the top three. He’s going to be around at least three or four more episodes, making more faces that haunt my nightmares.

2. (-1) Damarr Brown

AKA: Catchphrase. James Beard. Screech.

Damarr somehow ended up once again on a team with Monique, once again preparing a dessert cornbread. Only on Top Chef could a person somehow manage to make multiple dessert cornbreads in the same competition. Of course, the judges loved it, and they landed in the top three.

I have to give it up for Damarr: In a kinda tryhard, kinda cringey Girlboss-themed episode of Top Chef, that attempted to position a cooking show challenge as “important” (blechh), Damarr was still so preternaturally goddamned authentic that he managed to introduce his dish in such a way that this whole thing actually felt genuine. Did I almost just choke up watching Top Chef? This was so deftly delivered it borders on sorcery. Damarr is like a Warlock of Realness. He deserves an Emmy for this.

He was also a man after my own heart, drawing Selena and choosing to make pozole, which he said he thought evoked “family.” That actually makes perfect sense to me.

The editors tried to make a big deal out of Damarr attempting homemade flour tortillas, which are indeed pretty hard — my flour tortilla game is strong, but I doubt I could do it without my go-to written recipe. He even pulled out the tortilla press (editor’s tip: never use the damn press for flour tortillas, I find it way easier to get them to the desired thinness free-hand with a rolling pin) and screwed up a few for good measure.

In the end, he did it so well that he had Padma all horned up, gushing “the tortilla was really soft and delicious and beautiful.”

How the hell did he not end up in the top three? He had this whole group crying into their cilantro broths.

1. (+3) Evelyn Garcia

AKA: Cuddles.

How can you compete with the Texas Latina who draws Selena? You can’t. Evelyn didn’t need a damned dossier for a Selena dish, which was so firmly in her wheelhouse that she based her entree on her favorite Selena song, “Como La Flor,” which means “like a flower.”

That was the inspiration for Evelyn’s flower-shaped ceviche with aguachile broth, which didn’t sound quite as good as Damarr’s green pozole, but I wasn’t tasting it and are you really going to deny the Houston Latina in a Selena challenge? Evelyn was the only woman in the top three of the women-themed challenge and perhaps not surprisingly, took home the victory.

You could call that a lucky draw, but this was also Evelyn’s second elimination challenge win in a row with a top-three quickfire sandwiched in between. No matter how much I think Damarr is the favorite I can’t deny Evelyn the top spot after that.

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Read the rest of our Top Chef Power Rankings here. Vince Mancini is on Twitter.