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Miles Bridges Has Invested In His Own Longevity

Raise high the roof beams, analysts, because Miles Bridges is about to smash through the ceiling.

Sappho had Ares in mind when she penned the Archaic poem, and while Bridges’s dunks, raining down hard on the heads of Steven Adams, Clint Capela and Dennis Schröder, feel ferocious, it would be inaccurate to bracket him alongside the Greek god of war, who was all heady savagery, no exactitude. Because the ball, in the hands of Bridges this season, hasn’t only become a weapon, a variable heat-seeking missile intent for the basket, but a wrecking ball against any preconceived expectations, a bouncing beacon for quiet ambition, and a conduit of opportunity for his teammates.

In his fourth season with the Charlotte Hornets, Bridges has seamlessly made the jump from second option to starting mainstay. Toggling fluidly between offensive assignments inside and out, and defensively being asked to dig in at the five against against some of the league’s strongest, Bridges has been able to capitalize on his athleticism and strength while evolving entirely new facets of his game.

Watching Bridges — swapping from his dominant left hand to right mid-air for snaking layups, getting vertical on a dime for dogmatic blocks, unhurriedly shaking Kevin Durant for a step-back three — it can be tempting to assign his ease and brightness as inevitability, but doing so would discount the more difficult thing. Every step Bridges has taken, from his controversial choice to stay a second year at Michigan State down to lifestyle adjustments like hiring a personal chef, has been in service to a wider ambition. To play not just good, competent and flashy basketball, but to invest in his own longevity by honoring the work it took to get here.

“I was raised in Flint. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad community, but there’s a lot of violence there,” Bridges says on a call with Dime during the Hornet’s recent road trip. “Seeing my mom being able to take care of me and my sister. And my dad, when I was younger, showed me that any position that you’re in, you can make it out of.”

“What I learned from my family is how to keep going in life,” Bridges says.

There was plenty of second-guessing Bridges’ choice to stay with the Spartans for his sophomore season, rather than declare for the NBA Draft. Reporters made the trek to Michigan State, an hour and a half drive west from Detroit, to trail Bridges and his teammates around campus for clues, as if embedded in sociological fieldwork. But considering Bridges had turned down offers from Oregon, Kentucky, Kansas and others, the answer was actually pretty simple.

“I loved Michigan State my whole life. I was away from home for three years at Huntington Prep, so, with the team coming in, Cassius Winston, Tum Tum [Lourawls] Nairn, Josh Langford, Nick Ward, I had guys that I knew going to Michigan State, so I’d be comfortable there,” Bridges recalls. “I just wanted to go home.”

Bridges wound up on so many Big Ten and All-American lists at the end of his freshman year at Michigan State that a high Draft position for him was assured, but as he would eventually tell Spartans coach Tom Izzo on a trip to Cynthia Bridges’ (Miles’ mom) house in early April 2017, he didn’t feel like he was ready. He wanted to stay.

“I almost drove my car off the highway,” Izzo recalls over the phone with a laugh, “Long story short, he told me he wanted to stay to win a championship. I told him that was a bad idea, because it’s such a long shot to win one.”

During the remainder of that drive, Izzo pressed his young star for a deeper explanation, sensing his trepidation. Bridges eventually told his coach that he wanted to get better, to be “mature enough and good enough” to ensure, as best he could, that when he got to the NBA he’d be skilled enough to stay there.

“When we did the announcement, he was just so classy and so humble,” Izzo remembers of the presser set up for Bridges to declare his intention to stay at Michigan State a second year. From the crowd — bouncing to keep warm in hoodies under Spartans jerseys — to the tentative magnolia buds on trees in the background, everything about the announcement was hopeful. Bridges, fidgety with nerves until he says he’s “got some unfinished business here, I’m just saying, I want to stay,” buries his head into his chest, grinning with relief.

“Like all of us, he had to grow,” Izzo says.

There is no trace left of that nervous freshman. With Charlotte, Bridges has become the team’s most vocal leader, leveling honest criticism about defense after losses or what could have been done better, while simultaneously encouraging his teammates to take care of their bodies, to rest, to get in the gym. Bridges credits his first vets, Kemba Walker and Marvin Williams, for teaching him “how to be a real professional in how to talk to your team and gather everybody around,” as much as he does that second year at Michigan State, when Izzo made him Captain of the team.

“Some guys lead by example, and that’s okay. I’m not big on leading by example,” Izzo says, when asked about naming Bridges a team captain. “I’m big on guys that lead by dragging people with them. By example, somebody’s got to be watching. And if they’re not watching, then you’re not really leading them. I was big on encouraging him to become more of a vocal leader, more of a leader that dragged other people with him. And if he thought that helped then I’m really excited, because that’s one of my big beliefs, in the maturation of an 18-year-old, a boy to get to be a man, to be honest.”

miles bridges
Getty Image/Ralph Ordaz

The Charlotte Hornets have broken audaciously into the NBA Playoff race this season. While due in no small part to the bluster and electricity of LaMelo Ball, deftness of Gordon Hayward, and adept roleplaying of Terry Rozier, the most crucial ways the Hornets have clicked this season have come from the surefooted versatility of Bridges.

To prepare, Bridges found himself where he does every summer, back in the gym with his trainer, Chris Johnson. “That’s the only way you get better,” Bridges says. “A lot of guys, they get complacent, but I just like to go in the gym and try to push myself past exhaustion every time.”

While the biggest personal jump for Bridges and boon for the team has come in his scoring ability — a recent career-high night against the Knicks saw him put up 22 points in the first quarter and 38 in the game — the more important numbers are in where else he’s helping. The Hornets are currently 3rd overall in assist ratio, at 27.2 percent, 4th in offensive rating at 112.4, and second overall in pace. For such a high-flying, offensively minded team, Charlotte’s best and brightest wins come when everyone in the lineup is getting their hands on the ball and working within the team’s clear chemistry and Bridges, with his intuition and explosiveness, has found fast success as a playmaker.

“He showed glimpses of being a decent passer in his first year, second year, and once we started seeing that it was like, instead of just, ‘Hey Miles, make this pass’, now let’s pull some plays for him,” Hornets assistant Dutch Gaitley says of the team working with Bridges to showcase his playmaking.

Gaitley notes that with Bridges playing the minutes he is this season (36 per game, 12th overall in minutes played league-wide) there isn’t “a ton of time for reps and practice”, so a lot of what Bridges is doing is mentally honing himself through film work. But Bridges has taken to the work so well that it’s got Gaitley and Charlotte’s coaching staff adding more.

“Now, we’re trying to add the part of drive left, can we still make those same passes? Which, him being left handed, you’d think differently, but he’s able to drive right, finish right, he’s able to drive left, finish left. Now it’s like, can we play-make going both ways?” Gaitley says, his voice falling into a fast rhythm. “He’s a great finisher at the rim, he can shoot threes, now we can add the playmaking aspect to it, and now we can really add a lot to his game.”

“We put the ball in his hands a ton,” Hornets head coach, James Borrego, said of Bridges playmaking after the team’s win in New York. “Miles is one of those guys that can make plays off the bounce to score for himself or getting to the rim. Obviously, he is elite getting to the rim but he’s also done a great job playmaking for us, making decisions — putting the ball in his hands to create, kick to a teammate or go finish.”

For his part, Bridges sees the ball being in his hands more this season as a responsibility to his team: “I have the points and I have the rebounds, but if I can’t set up my teammates, then I’ll be liability on the court, ‘cause that’s how we play.”

It’s Bridges’ egoless approach to the game, and where he fits into it, that’s clear when he talks — preferring to speak with greater emphasis and praise about his teammates and staying succinct when it came to himself — and that came up unprompted in conversations with the people around him.

“He gets along with people,” Izzo says. “I can’t think of a teammate he didn’t get along with — even the opposing team. Miles was an incredible worker. Some superstars, especially when they come in as top-10 picks, McDonald’s All-American, they just play on their talent. Miles was one of the more humble guys I’ve had, maybe the most humble guy with the talent that he came in with. That’s what made it so much fun to coach him. He was truly a team guy.”

Izzo also noted that Bridges never shied away from people “telling him the right thing, not just what he wants to hear” during his time at Michigan State, or later, when Borrego might text Izzo to say he needed more out of Bridges. Izzo likened that unflinching approach to honesty to another former Spartans alumni and close friend of Bridges, Draymond Green.

“He’s got a different personality than Draymond, but what he’s got [in common] is that ability to sacrifice to win,” Izzo recalls. “Winning is important to Miles. It wasn’t him getting 30 points. He just wanted to win. There are so few people like that now, where winning is the priority. Everybody says it is, probably 90 percent. I think that’s one thing he learned from Dray, just be a good winner.

“Being a winner and being a good teammate, those are skills. They’re just like having a good jump shot.”

Gaitley, who was brought on by Borrego in May 2018, began working with Bridges in his second season, and noted his willingness to accept that there were gaps in his game and take that on as a challenge to get better.

“I think the willingness to hear my suggestions of hey, this is where you have to improve, and him being comfortable being vulnerable,” Gaitley says. “Comfortable saying, I do need to get better at these things, I can’t be a two-foot finisher my whole career. I need to improve jumping off my right leg, jumping off my left leg. And I may have to sacrifice a couple catch-and-shoot threes for passes for my teammates, knowing that it’s going to come back on the other end.”

And for Bridges, it’s come back in spades. He’s frequently the outlet for some of Ball’s handiest no-look passes, which he’ll punctuate with an emphatic dunk or tricky hook shot, as he is the off-ball option for Rozier, Cody Martin, and Hayward. In terms of collaborative spacing, Bridges will apply relentless pressure at the rim one possession only to slip out beyond the arc in the next, all as if to say, there isn’t going to be a safe place you can put me.

miles bridges
Getty Image/Ralph Ordaz

Where the Hornets tend to glitch is on defense. Turnovers, unnecessary fouling, and untethered rotations are often a calling card of young teams, and Charlotte’s tend to come when the team gets a step ahead of itself in transition, or the pace proves too breakneck.

“The main thing defensively for him, and for all young players, is the off the ball stuff,” Gaitley says, “I think Miles, when it’s a one-on-one drive and we’re playing ISO guys, he does a great job of shoving his hand and using his chest to be physical. But off the ball, they’re running a pick-and-roll and your man’s not involved, [so] what is your rotation? And the only way to learn that is with reps and with time.”

“You gotta know what the defense is giving you each night, cause there’s 29 different defenses [you’re facing] in the NBA,” Bridges says, adding, “Knowing guys tendencies, knowing how they play, knowing what they want do. Me being locked in on the mental side helps me with that.”

Still, a silver lining is that most of the Hornets errors are the result of the team being self-generative, pushing beyond what’s comfortable. Gaitley makes the point that defensively, the team does that with Bridges by giving him such a wide range of assignments that he might cover everyone on their roster just to get a feel for what each coverage requires.

“He does a good job of understanding what our schemes are, where we want to force guys on the floor,” Gaitley says. “Now it’s combining the schemes plus the physicality. Not just doing one or the other. Not being overly physical and maybe getting fouls. How do we mesh both of those so that we’re doing what we want to do defensively, but also doing it physically?”

Coach Izzo sees it too.

“He came in as a three man, but then we had all these injuries,” Izzo says of Bridges’ time in East Lansing. “So he had to play the four, he had to cover big guys, small guys. I think that started here. But then you get to the pro level, and those guys are so much better.”

Where modern, young teams like the Cavaliers and the Raptors are shifting toward positionless play, stacking rosters with 6’9” stretch bigs with wingspan to spare, the Hornets have a unique anomaly of power and speed in an “undersized” athlete like Bridges. At 6’6, he shouldn’t have the reach but is averaging 7.4 rebounds per game anyway; at his strength, he shouldn’t be the one flying down the floor in transition, nimbly converting a striped ball into a wide open dunk, but is, leaving dumbfounded defenders in his dust.

On top of it all, Bridges has the torque and control closer to a gymnast. Making contorted plays — like when he shook three defenders, lobbed the ball up to hang, and met his own pass at the rim to finish — look graceful.

“There’s times where you watch on the court and you’re like, man, guys are bouncing off him left and right,” Gaitley says of Bridges athleticism, “We joke around in his pre-game warm-ups, we do one move where he shoulder bumps me, and I’ve started to exaggerate and throw my body into the basket stanchion. But there’s times when he’s caught me with a couple of shoulders to the chest and I gotta take a break and say take two free throws, let me catch my wind.”

When something is so intrinsic, so habitual, it can be hard to break it down outside of the body doing it. From his perspective, Bridges is just moving naturally, even if it might look like his steps are choreographed.

“Ahh,” Bridges sighs, when asked to at least try to explain how he’s able to read and react to the game from such a wide lens. “I mean, I really can’t explain it. It’s hard to make decisions within a split second. I think it just comes from me playing basketball all my life, and me knowing the game. I play off instincts most of the time.”

Cerebral is another way to describe players who are able to read the game and adjust themselves to action as it comes, plus preempt what their team needs, as if two steps ahead. Asked if that’s a correct assessment to give Bridges, and Gaitley both reply quickly, “Absolutely.”

“Going from small-ball five to the four, to maybe even three, and that’s maybe only on offense. Now we’re going to put you on [Dennis] Schröder, now we’re going to have you guard LeBron [James], now you’re on Russell Westbrook, now you’re on the five. Those things are not easy to do,” Gaitley stresses. “He was not capable of doing this his rookie year. His rookie year, we said you have to stay on the three because it was going to be hard. There’s so much room for improvement for Miles, the sky’s the limit for him. We wouldn’t throw all this stuff at him if he wasn’t showing success in those different roles.”

miles bridges
Getty Image/Ralph Ordaz

Since last season, when the team was fourth in the East until much of the team went down with injuries or with COVID, Charlotte’s been moving toward one pointed objective — the postseason. Poised, in Bridges’ words, to “make some noise” if they get there, it’s not a stretch to say that so long as the team clamps down on where it bleeds points and momentum in defense, and up their free throw percentage, they will.

Teams like the Hornets and players like Bridges, who are used to flying under the radar, find the work of proving people wrong a blue-collar part of the job, something steady, rather than emotional.

“I usually have, like, what? Five good games and throw in a bad game here and there,” Bridges says. “I’d like to just throw those bad games away.”

That on to the next mentality makes Charlotte a ready bounce-back team, not putting too much weight on the wins or the losses, just the next one. As the sixth-youngest team in the league, the Hornets have energy to spare for the ups and downs now, but staying power takes endurance. From now until April, Bridges wants the same thing out of his game as he does his team.

“We’re a young team, but that’s still no excuse, because we’ve been together for more than a year. I think what we have to get better at is being locked in, finishing games, and limiting our fouls. If we limit our turnovers and play the game the right way, I feel like that’s when we win,” Bridges says, adding lightheartedly. “We’re 30th in the NBA in defense, so, we definitely gotta get better at that too.”

Regardless of how the rest of the season shakes out for the Hornets, Bridges is in a contract year, and like his last big decision, this will determine where he goes next. Izzo, who says Bridges called him at the beginning of the season to say he was going to have a good year, sees his former player making his next big choice the same way he always has.

“He’s putting himself on the NBA map right now, and he’s done it by working his way there and not getting all the accolades,” Izzo says. “It’s got a lot to do with his teammates, with his coach there. And it’s got a lot to do with Miles.”

Hindsight is not always 20/20, sometimes it’s a funhouse mirror, or a completely parallel reality.

In his media day presser before this season, Bridges was asked whether he expected to get many minutes. Go back even farther, to his Draft scouting reports, and Bridges was billed as a potential role player, but without much chance of turning into a high-level scorer or All-Star. Four years in, to little fanfare but as the result of that stake in his own longevity, Bridges is poised to see career scoring and was top-10 in fan voting for All-Star.

“As far as those guys that rank him, they can only rank the skill they see,” Izzo notes diplomatically, when asked about the initial limitations placed on Bridges. “They don’t rank the six o’clock in the morning workouts, or him in the weight room. They don’t rank him in a locker room after a bad loss, and how he feels and how he takes it. And they don’t rank him as far as what he’s like in a huddle when it’s winning time — ‘Coach, I can make this shot’. Those things never get ranked, but they’re very, very, very important things.”

But the best part of the NBA is once a player gets there, rankings go out the window.

“I think his best basketball is still ahead of him,” Izzo adds.

And with the way Bridges has widened his scope, and lifted his ceiling, there’s no point in calling it a prediction. It’s as true as ancient history.

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Shohei Ohtani Is ‘MLB: The Show 22’s Cover Athlete As The Game Finally Comes To The Nintendo Switch

MLB: The Show is without a doubt the best baseball simulation game out there. Some might even argue it’s the best sports simulation game overall. Its popularity has made the PlayStation Studios developed game a must have for sports fans. It’s so popular that MLB made PlayStation start making what was originally an exclusive game to the Xbox.

Of course, that left Nintendo Switch owners in the dark for a brief period of time. That will no longer be the case with the upcoming MLB: The Show 22. In a trailer revealing Shohei Ohtani as the cover athlete, it simultaneously showed everyone that MLB: The Show will be coming to a Nintendo console for the first time in the franchise’s existence. It seems fitting that one of the biggest stars Japan has ever produced will be the debut cover athlete on Japan’s most popular console. Ohtani is also the first Asian player to be the franchise cover athlete, via ESPN.

Ohtani said he was “honored” to be the first Asian athlete on the cover of The Show.

“I know I’m sure there’s a lot of Asian people that don’t know me yet,” Ohtani said. “Hopefully by being on the cover of The Show, you get my name out there to those people who don’t know me yet.”

Speaking of Ohtani, there’s nobody more fitting to be on the cover of MLB: The Show 22. He just finished one of the most incredible seasons in the history of baseball. Not only did he win the 2021 AL MVP award, but he did so while being a dominant starting pitcher and one of baseball’s best hitters. He’s a two way player not seen since the early days of baseball when Babe Ruth was pitching for the Red Sox. He’s a once-in-a-lifetime player and it’s ridiculously cool that he gets to be on the cover.

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People Think Rihanna And ASAP Rocky’s 2013 ‘Fashion Killa’ Video Is Prophetic Now That She’s Pregnant

Huge news broke this morning — Rihanna is expecting her first child with rapper ASAP Rocky. Rumors that the pair were dating began to swirl back in November of 2020, and reactions were all over the place, including thoughts that their kids would be pretty perfect. Now that the couple are official, as in, ASAP called Rihanna the love of his life official, people are pretty floored that all the Twitter speculation about them having a child together has come true. And what happens when two celebrities announce the birth of their child? People start looking backwards to see if there’s been any clues along the way that the love story would work out so well.

And in the case of Rihanna and ASAP Rocky, there’s at least a couple cultural artifacts to consider. The most relevant of which is definitely ASAP’s 2013 “Fashion Killa” video, which Rihanna co-starred in with him. Even back then, a whopping nine years ago now (!), the pair were soooo flirty in the clip that the video sparked dating rumors all the way back then when it came. At the time, both parties insisted they were just friends, but now, clearly, people are revisiting it with brand new eyes. Check out the video above in case you need a refresh or haven’t seen it yet, and some of Twitter’s best reactions below.

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Meat Loaf’s Iconic 1977 Album ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ Achieves A New Chart Peak After The Legend’s Death

Earlier this month, rock icon Meat Loaf passed away at 74 years old, leaving behind a body of work that includes the legendary 1977 album Bat Out Of Hell. The LP is one of the best-selling albums of all time: It’s on the all-time top-ten list, potentially as high as No. 4. Despite that, it wasn’t actually a major chart hit in the US. While it topped the charts in some countries, it only managed a peak at No. 14 on the Billboard 200 chart in 1978.

After Meat Loaf’s death, though, sales and listening activity on his work shot up, so much so that Bat Out Of Hell has achieved a new peak on the Billboard 200 chart dated February 5, as it has risen to No. 13. Before this, it last appeared on the chart in October 1979. Furthermore, the 1993 album Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell also returns to the chart after a long gap, popping up at No. 91 for its first appearance since 1994. When the album was initially released, it became Meat Loaf’s first and only No. 1 album.

Meat Loaf was apparently gearing up to expand his discography, too: In one of his final interviews, he spoke about plans for a new EP, as well as a world tour and a game show.

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The ‘Righteous Gemstones’ Halo Report: Learning Where The Bodies Are Buried, Literally

The Righteous Gemstones Halo Report is a weekly recap feature that assigns between zero and five halos to people, things, events, and general topics from each episode. There is very little to this beyond an excuse to highlight cool stuff from a good show and make jokes. And do crappy drawings of halos in MS Paint. We’re having fun.

ZERO HALOS

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UPROXX

Getting called out on Christmas morning for abandoning your family at a pet store in the mall

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HBO

Merry Christmas to everyone, but especially to me/us, as we were all treated to another flashback episode this week. The last time Gemstones took us back in time, we were introduced to “Misbehavin.’” This time, while we got some songs and some cufflinks, things were slightly less festive. We’ll get to the bodies and squabbles momentarily but first…

Aimee Leigh was not wrong to call out Billy for jetting on his family. She was right. I still hope a 40-year-old Harmon shows up later this season, just as evil as all hell, wearing black leather head-to-toe and eating an apple with a knife he carries on his belt. Big tattoo on his neck. His whole name shaved into the side of his head. I’ve been thinking about Harmon a lot.

Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah. Aimee Leigh, call someone into the next room before you air out the family business. The kids are there. They know Billy is a scumbag. Everyone does. But still.

Getting murdered and buried the cement of what will eventually become a religious-themed amusement park

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HBO

We throw around the phrase “where the bodies are buried” pretty liberally considering what it’s actually saying. We use it as a shorthand for any dark secret or shady steps taken on the road to success. The Gemstones mean it literally. There is straight-up a money laundering Memphis wrestling promoter buried in the cement under the roller coaster at their Jesus theme park. That is… something. It’s definitely something! Merry Christmas.

It also adds a fascinating new layer to the “Eli riding the roller coaster by himself in a moment of personal crisis with just no joy or emotion at all on his entire face” thing from last week. He built a thrill ride on the bones of his previous life. Again, literally. There are layers at play here.

Stephen Root not being on this show yet

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HBO

How has Stephen Root not been on this show yet? This might be the most “guest-starring Stephen Root”-ass show I’ve ever seen, at least since Justified, which he guest-starred on as a pistol-packing Kentucky judge. Something has to be done here. Cast him as a rival pastor. Cast him as a corrupt politician. Cast him as a rival pastor who became a corrupt politician.

I don’t care. Just do it. Fix this. Call him today.

ONE HALO

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Eli Gemstone

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HBO

Tough sledding here for Eli. His ambition is on full display, in all its ugly iterations. He wants to grow, now and a lot, and is considering corner-cutting to do it, which is how he finds himself once again roped in with Memphis hucksters. He’s got no real handle on his kids. His brother-in-law is already starting to suck money and energy out of the family like a leach. He’s firing accountants for kind of telling the truth and covering up murders and really just making a slew of shaky decisions all in a row.

It all kind of adds up, though. You can see all of this on his face in the present, all the sacrifices he made and all the work he put into building an empire his spoiled kids are now trying to push him out of. Which, again, brings us to the sad roller coaster rides. It’s not ideal.

Glendon Marsh

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HBO

Is he as sleazy as can be? Sure.

Did he end up dead and buried in cement? Of course.

Did I kind of fall in love with him as soon as he dropped a modified “we’re not so different” on Eli? Folks, you know I did.

TWO HALOS

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Old school arcade games

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HBO

Here’s the thing about old-school arcade games: they stunk. Big and clunky and stupid and something people remember fondly because they had fun slipping a $10 bill into a machine and getting a big pile of quarters and running amok on Mortal Kombat or Cruisin’ USA while their moms looked at blouses and bulky blazers in JC Penney, but like, no.

This was the way you knew they were actually junk: If you had a rich friend who had one, like in a garage or basement or rec room, you’d be blown away by it for like 30 minutes but then the charm would wear off and it would become just like another place people hung wet clothes to dry. The past wasn’t always that cool, or at least not as cool as you remember. We didn’t even have, like, DVR back then. If you missed an episode of a show and weren’t the kind of rocket scientist who could program a VCR, you just never got to see it. It was weird. And bad. Come on.

Granddaddy Roy

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HBO

Man just wants to stumble around in his underpants with a shotgun in his hands, blasting holes into shady characters who are harassing his son. Leave him alone. He’s earned that much.

THREE HALOS

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Baby Billy

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HBO

See, the temptation here is to deduct multiple halos from his score for offenses like “abandoning his family” and “mooching off anyone he can” and “having a big empty hole inside his body that he fills with various resentments and grievances” and “giving everyone cufflinks for Christmas and then pouting until he realized they got him a boombox,” but… I mean…

The Marlboro sweatshirt. Have you ever seen such a perfect little touch? Like, as soon as I saw him in it I was like “yes, of course, this feels so right that I’m angry I didn’t realize it before.” I’m very proud of everyone involved.

Aimee Leigh

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HBO

I don’t know why I’m not giving Aimee Leigh more halos here. I should, by any reasonable standard. She’s a good woman who tries her best given her ambitious husband and scumbag brother and snotty children. She has tremendous glasses. I feel like I might just be punishing her because she and Billy didn’t perform a holiday-themed version of “Misbehavin’” about, like, Jesus being born in the manger. It’s not fair. I know that. But here we are anyway.

FOUR HALOS

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UPROXX

Twirling a gun menacingly while thinking about your enemies

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HBO

This show is so blessed to have Eric Roberts on it. Look at him up there. Have you ever in your entire life seen someone look so convincing as a vengeance-seeking slimeball? It’s almost enough to make me forget about the thing where Stephen Root hasn’t been on the show yet.

Almost.

Having a massive mural of lions above your bed

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HBO

Give me an entire episode about the commissioning of this mural and the painting of it and the reactions to it by various friends and families as they step back and look at the entire scene and say something like “That’s… cool.”

It fascinates me. I must know everything about it. I also now want a similar mural above my bed, but instead of this scene, with the lions and such, I want a heavenly recreation of Nick Foles catching a touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. Go Birds.

The casting department on this show, generally

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HBO

God, Young Judy and Young Jesse are so perfect. They’re so perfect that I almost forgot that these are entirely different people playing the characters, like for a second my brain was just willing to accept that this was the young version of the same people, like they had a real time machine. Good job, everyone.

FIVE HALOS

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UPROXX

Anton Chekhov, 19th-century Russian playwright

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HBO

Anton Chekhov was a legendary writer who would have been influential and important even if he hadn’t been credited with one of the most famous storytelling rules in history, but he did do that, so let’s just go ahead and quote the theory of Chekhov’s Gun once again:

“Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

Granddaddy Roy showed up in Act I brandishing a weapon and by the end of the episode he had used that weapon to blow a hole straight through the torso of a man who had his sights set on ruining everything we already know ends up getting built. This is all very straightforward. Chalk up another victory for Chekhov.

Martin

gemstones MARTIN
HBO

Martin was already rocketing up the list of Brian’s Favorite Characters on Television and then he went and showed up 30 years in the past with a luxurious mustache and a willingness to help dispose of a body for a man he just met a few weeks earlier. Under a roller coaster. On Christmas.

Martin is an extremely solid dude. The most solid dude on the entire show, easily. I now want nothing but the best for him forever. And I want a Martin in my own life. I feel like I’d be much more productive and happy. And I would have help disposing of bodies. If it ever comes to that. I’m not planning on it or anything. But… you never know, you know?

Tater tots

gemstones TOTS
HBO

Wildly underrated side dish. Delicious. Should be offered on more restaurants menus, either in addition to or in place of french fries. No one has ever seen a bowl of piping hot tater tots and been like “nah.” You’re definitely snagging one if you see that. Especially while they’re hot and crispy. I feel like I should get credit for waiting this long into the recap to say all this. If I had been like 15 percent hungrier, this whole sucker would’ve been like 1500 words about tater tots and then a sentence at the end about the murder.

Tater tots are good.

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Kanye Sold One Of His $500K Tanks With A Broken DVD Player Stuck Playing A K-Pop Video On Repeat

During the rollout of his album Jesus Is King, Kanye West could often be seen cruising around in a tank-like ATV, chasing antelopes on his ranch in Wyoming, giving away Yeezy sneakers in his native Chicago, and gifting them to his rapper friends like 2 Chainz. Today, TMZ reports that we might be seeing fewer ATV-related shenanigans from the rapper, though, as he has sold one to the stars of the Discovery Channel reality show, Diesel Brothers.

Dave “Heavy D” Sparks, one of the two titular “brothers” (they are actually friends in real life, not siblings), told TMZ that initially, Kanye had contacted them to do some work on the Ripsaw EV2 vehicles, but timing prevented them from ever being able to actually do it. However, last October, a rep told them that Kanye wanted to sell the truck, which he’d reportedly bought for $500,000. According to Sparks, there’s a DVD player built into the dash that only plays one K-Pop music video on an endless loop. Maybe it’s one of North’s? The “brothers” say they can’t get it to stop without yanking the whole DVD player — which would be a prime reason for getting rid of the whole vehicle, in my opinion.

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Halsey Announced Their Love And Power Tour Dates With Openers Beabadoobee And PinkPantheress

Following up their massive fourth album, If I Can’t Have Love I Want Power, Halsey has announced a full tour behind the album as well. A departure from her past work in some ways, this new record was a collaboration with Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross of Nine Inch Nails, a band that has been an inspiration to the artist for years. In a period that also included Halsey going through the pregnancy and childbirth process for the first time, and officially updating their pronouns to both “she” and “they,” the pandemic has definitely been a year of transition for her.

No doubt their new tour will reflect some of these changes, and, of course, other pandemic protocol like masking, testing, and proof of vaccination. Dubbed The Love and Power tour, Halsey will kick it off on May 17 in Palm Beach, Florida at the iThink Financial Amphitheatre, and run through a final July date in Irvine. And the support for the tour is even more incredible — both Uproxx cover star Beabadoobee and rising UK producer PinkPantheress will join Halsey as openers, making this one of the first must-see bills of 2022. Check out the full dates below, tickets will be on sale this Friday here.

Halsey 2022 Tour Dates:
5/17 — West Palm Beach, FL @ iThink Financial Amphitheatre
5/19 — Tampa, FL, MIDFLORIDA @ Credit Union Amphitheatre
5/21 — Gulf Shores, AL @ Hangout Music Festival
5/24 — Nashville, TN @ FirstBank Amphitheater
5/27 — Charlotte, NC @ PNC Music Pavilion
5/29 — Detroit, MI @ Pine Knob Music Theatre
6/01 — Boston, MA @ Xfinity Center
6/03 — Cleveland, OH @ Blossom Music Center
6/05 — Toronto, ON @ Budweiser Stage
6/08 — Columbia, MD @ Merriweather Post Pavilion
6/11 — New York, NY @ The Governors Ball
6/16 — Seattle, WA @ White River Amphitheatre
6/18 — Portland, OR @ RV Inn Style Resorts Amphitheater
6/21 — Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl
6/24 — Mountain View, CA @ Shoreline Amphitheatre
6/26 — Phoenix, AZ @ Ak-Chin Pavilion
6/28 — Dallas, TX @ Dos Equis Pavilion
6/30 — Atlanta, GA @ Cellairis Amphitheatre at Lakewood
7/02 — Milwaukee, WI @ Summerfest
7/03 — Chicago, IL @ Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre
7/06 — Denver, CO @ Red Rocks Amphitheatre
7/09 — Irvine, CA @ FivePoint Amphitheatre

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Lily Collins Is ‘Dying’ Over Peyton Manning’s ‘Emily In Paris’ Obsession On ‘SNL’

Lily Collins has given her approval to a hilarious “Weekend Update” segment where Peyton Manning couldn’t stop talking about the hit Netflix series Emily in Paris instead of the recent NFL playoff games. Following the Saturday Night Live sketch going viral, Collins weighed in on Instagram, and she had nothing but love for Manning’s performance.

“Peyton Manning in a beret is everything I didn’t know I needed,” Collins wrote. “Still dying over the @emilyinparis-inspired Weekend Update on @nbcsnl last night…”

Collins’ Emily in Paris co-star Ashley Park couldn’t help but gush about the sketch in the comments where she wrote: “Beyond 😂❤

You can see Collin’s full post below:

In the segment, Weekend Update anchor asked Manning for his thoughts on the teams heading to the Super Bowl. However, Manning only had one thing on his mind, and it was the whimsical Netflix series, which he admits he watched instead of the games.

“Oh my god, Colin. This show has everything,” Manning gushed. “Romance, adventure, sensuality, culture, a fresh take on feminism — finally — not to mention a culinary tapestry so rich, I could only describe it as ‘food porn.’”

After Jost attempted to get things back on track by asking Manning about reports that Tom Brady might actually retire, you’ll never guess which show the football star worked into the conversation.

“Yeah, I’m not sure it’s true,” Manning said. “I think it’s probably just speculation. But if it were me, I probably would retire, too, if it gave me more time to watch Emily in Paris.”

(Via Lily Collins on Instagram)

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How Three Artists Galvanized Black Women To Assume Their Place In The Self-Care Movement

Self-care, as it relates to Black women, is best defined by poet and writer Audre Lorde. “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence,” she wrote. “It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

The implications of Black women caring for ourselves above all else are, as Lorde said, political. As the world continues to expect more and more from us, we owe it to ourselves to take care — whether we are given the room to do so, or have to create it from nothing. The rise of self-care gave way to three records in the last decade of R&B music: A Seat At The Table by Solange, CTRL by SZA, and Shea Butter Baby by Ari Lennox. These records carved out three distinct paths in the same lane, creating space for Black women in the idea of preserving the self.

Solange’s A Seat At The Table, released right before the 2016 election, remains a monument of the time. The record’s centerpiece songs, such as “Don’t Touch My Hair” and “Weary,” were instantly topical, acting as a comfort blanket to protect against the increasingly fraught energy surrounding, well, everything. Originally conceptualized as an homage to her family’s Southern roots, and taking up space through documenting Black personhood, Solange lays out all of her failures and triumphs on her fourth record, giving way to truths that are ultimately universal. Her pillowy voice, warm bass, and delicate neo-soul keyboard sounds provide a soft place to land as we confront all of the things that are ugly in this world.

Solange gave the Black image a distinct place in the self-care movement as we know it today: the album cover features her best Mona Lisa, smiling slyly with multicolored hair pins holding the perfect waves framing her face. She presents the idea that before we can care for ourselves, we have to be sure that we are safe. Solange asserts this idea on “F.U.B.U” (which stands for “For Us By Us”), envisioning a world in which it is safe for Black women to rest, to live.

Establishing self-care as both a political and artistic act set the stage for SZA — Solange’s protege of sorts, and the adored singer behind CTRL, her well-loved debut and one of 2017’s most successful albums.

SZA’s video for “The Weekend,” directed by Solange herself, was a beautiful, slow-moving affair. The sleek, minimal track is about a mixed-up love affair, with multiple people vying for the time and attention of one person. This sounds like normal R&B fodder: a relationship gone wrong, a narrator who is upset at the way they’ve been treated. But, “The Weekend” became a beacon of sorts (and a platinum hit without being a single) — it is an admission of weakness if you look further. SZA admits that she is lonely, wanting to replace all of the someone elses in question.

CTRL was not a planned concept. After signing a major deal, SZA wrote and recorded as much material as possible, condensing it down to fourteen songs. And this is evident in the way it plays out; CTRL is a confessional booth, a diary, the ear of a best friend.

On “Supermodel,” the album’s show-stopping, sparse opener, SZA lets us know that she wants to be beautiful for us, and she has a hard time believing that she can. This admission of her lack of confidence establishes honesty as another important tenet of self-care. The album’s closer, “Pretty Little Birds” is a beautiful manifestation for good after everything that SZA has told us went wrong. She has covered the good, the sensual, the messy. She tells us that everything that she needs from her lover, and from us is to see and to be seen. When SZA sings, it is deeply about the self, with feelings examined from each angle with a goal in mind: to grow.

By the time Shea Butter Baby arrived in 2019, Ari Lennox was gaining attention for being the first woman to be signed to J Cole’s Dreamville label. Self-care had been largely established as a worldly, commodifiable interest, rather than a way to create comfort. Shea Butter Baby served as a balm to this concept, a reminder that the journey to self is messy.

Shea Butter Baby is distinctly feminine, the album’s title track featuring Cole himself serving as an ode to the beauty that is Black self-care on a physical level, silk sheets and soft, shiny skin. But, self-care is more than skin deep and Lennox makes sure that we do not forget this. On “Speak to Me,” Lennox is at her most vulnerable, wishing to know the truth about where she stands with someone who she loves. The delicate punch of “I Been” tackles the allure of escapism, Lennox so desperately wanting to be somewhere else while everything is going wrong. On “Static,” the album’s closer, Lennox implores us to save ourselves from drowning beneath all that is unimportant — reminding us that we are in control of our own destinies. Shea Butter Baby finds and cherishes the freedom that it takes to care for the self.

These three records charted distinct journeys for each of these artists on the same course to understand the self. The portraits of Black womanhood that each of these records paint represent different people at distinct points in time, striving to understand what it is that makes us who we are. That quest for closeness to the self is what makes self-care so important, and what makes each of these records a crucial snapshot of what that means for us. These records highlight the need to seek community, growth, and comfort: all necessary pieces to the self-care puzzle.

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‘Yellowjackets’ Star Melanie Lynskey Got Real While Pushing Back At Bodyshamers: ‘B*tch You Don’t See Me On My Peloton!’

Showtime’s Yellowjackets is already planning next season’s soundtrack, including Tori Amos and Nine Inch Nails, and it sure seems like either of those artists would do well in a scene featuring Melanie Lynskey’s badass housewife character, Shauna. The Castle Rock actress is taking a scorched-earth view, too, of bodyshaming that has come her way since the show’s mid-November debut.

The show spawned plenty of fan theories, of course, but there’s no lack of clarity from the show’s stars after Lynskey told Rolling Stone about how crew members remarked upon her body, saying “I’m sure the producers will get you a trainer. They’d love to help you with this.” Lynskey detailed how her co-stars (including Juliette Lewis, Christina Ricci, and Tawny Cypress) expressed concern about this behavior to producers. And Lynskey has now pushed back *hard* at body shamers while quoting a (now-deleted) tweet from bestselling author and body-positivity advocate Ashley C. Ford.

“The story of my life since Yellowjackets premiered,” Lynskey wrote on Twitter. Most egregious are the ‘I care about her health!!’ people…b*tch you don’t see me on my Peleton! You don’t see me running through the park with my child. Skinny does not always equal healthy.”

The “b*tch you don’t see me on my Peleton!” is a nice touch. And as much anguish as the spin-bike maker has received over the past few months from TV shows, I’m pretty sure Shauna could crush tons of rides with no issue if a bike miraculously popped up in Yellowjackets Season 2. Just a thought!