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My best friend in the late 1990s and early 2000s was named Kyle. It was a rough time for him, because whenever me and the other losers in our posse wanted to get under his skin, we would start singing “Kyle’s Mom’s a B*tch” from South Park. Was it wrong of us to copy Cartman and call someone, let alone someone’s mom, a “b*tch”? Probably, but it was a different time; kids saying the b-word on TV was still a novelty (also, the song’s catchy). But things are different in 2022 — now our crass comedy songs are played by orchestras.

Ahead of the season 25 premiere of South Park, Comedy Central has released a 30-piece orchestral version of “Kyle’s Mom’s a B*tch” featuring vocals from Nikki Renee Daniels, Tamar Greene, Jeff Kready, and Elizabeth Stanley. “I was thrilled to get to reimagine these South Park classics in a more traditional orchestral concert setting,” arranger Stephen Oremus told the Hollywood Reporter (they previously performed the theme song and “Gay Fish”). “It was so much fun getting to blow them up and give them such proper classical renditions. I called some of the best musicians and singers I knew — friends and colleagues who I have worked with on Broadway and TV, and we got to make music and dress up and laugh our asses off for a few days.”

The time has come for the orchestra to perform “What Would Brian Boitano Do.” That’s what Brian Boitano would do. You can watch the video above.

South Park returns on February 2, and nearly every old episode is on HBO Max.

Earlier this month, Ocean Child: Songs Of Yoko Ono, a covers album curated by Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard, was announced. He got a great roster of artists involved with the project, including David Byrne, Jay Som, Sharon Van Etten, The Flaming Lips, and Japanese Breakfast, that latter of whom shared her cover of “Nobody Sees Me Like You Do” today. The cover lets Michelle Zauner’s vocals shine, as the lovely rendition features just vocals and piano.

Japanese Breakfast previously covered the song during her May 14, 2020 livestream concert, the proceeds from which benefited her touring band and crew.

Gibbard previously said of the project, “This is an artist whose output has run the gamut from avant-garde to bubblegum pop, often across a single album. For years, it has been my position that her songwriting has been criminally overlooked. She has consistently created melodies as memorable as those of best pop writers. As a lyricist, she has always written with poignance, sophistication and deep introspection. Some of her best songs have been covered and compiled here by a generation-spanning group of musicians for whom her work has meant so much. It is my sincere hope that a new crop of Yoko Ono fans fall in love with her songwriting due in some small part to this album we have put together.”

Listen to Japanese Breakfast’s cover of “Nobody Sees Me Like You Do” above.

Ocean Child: Songs Of Yoko Ono is out 2/18 via Canvasback Music/Atlantic Records. Pre-order it here.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Look, say what you want about Eminem‘s late-career output, but one thing the man does still do well is creating the perfect gym playlist music. So, he’s probably the perfect artist to join Peloton’s Artist Series, unleashing his catalog for artist-specific workouts such as “Eminem Core Strength,” “Eminem Thunder 45,” and “Eminem Bike Bootcamp.” In addition, though, the boxing enthusiast will be hosting a boxing class, as he announced on his Twitter feed.

Eminem’s classes will just be the start of Peloton’s planned boxing programming, which the company is offering free to new members for two months. According to Peloton’s press release, “The Peloton Eminem Artist Series Kicks off on January 28 with a special one-night Boxing event,” with three live boxing classes which will all be released for replay on-demand afterward. Then, throughout the weekend, a series of live cycling and other training classes with the platform’s roster of trainers will premiere featuring Em’s most motivational tunes.

Eminem’s interest in boxing has been evident throughout his career, with his song “Phenomenal” appearing on the soundtrack of the Antoine Fuqua boxing drama Southpaw — in which Em was at one point set to star. You can see a full class schedule on Peloton’s site.

Melania Trump‘s adventures in cryptocurrency are off to a rough start. After dipping her toes in the NFT waters last month by selling an image of her “cobalt blue eyes,” the former First Lady hit a significant snag this week when she attempted to auction off a white hat (above) that she wore during French President Emmanuel Macron’s visit to the White House in 2018. While part of the proceeds will go to providing foster children with computers, tablets, and internet access, the rest would go into Melania’s pockets.

There’s just one small problem, Melania is only accepting bids in Solana, which like most of the crypto market, took a huge hit in the most recent crash. Via The Washington Post:

Melania Trump’s hat auction may have become unlikely collateral damage in the crisis, a prime example of what happens when risk-taking intersects with terrible timing. The only cryptocurrency accepted on Trump’s website is Solana (SOL), which has been one of the hardest-hit, falling more than 40 percent over the previous week. The Solana blockchain (a distributed database that stores a secure and decentralized record of digital transactions) also had an outage on Friday and Saturday, further adding to its free fall. Had this auction taken place in December 2021, Trump would have been accepting bids in Solana during a surge in which its value had increased 11,150 percent since the beginning of the year.

The Solana price crash could cause Melania a nearly $90,000 loss, should the auction close at its current price. According to the Post, the auction was already frowned upon, given that most former first ladies go into philanthropic endeavors and don’t sell their formal attire for a profit. Taking a bath on the hat auction is just further embarrassment for Melania.

(Via Washington Post)

Man, Ted Cruz never learns. When he tweets about TV or movies, it never ends well for him, and he (a lawmaker) should have realized this after completely bungling the meaning of Watchmen while framing “rabid environmentalists” as the real supervillains. He (of course) did not learn, as the noted The Princess Bride superfan proved while feuding with Cary Elwes, and now, Ted’s wading into David Fincher territory.

Yes, the much maligned senator from Texas tweeted about Fight Club. Granted, this didn’t happen out of the blue. The Brad Pitt and Edward Norton-starring picture popped up in the news after China censored the 1999 film and gave it a new ending to counter the story’s radical ideology. (SPOILER ALERT.)

China (after 23 years) decided that the incel-esque, terroristic lead character (and that alter ego) were too much for anyone to handle watching, so Chinese streaming giant Tencent Video whipped out a new outcome, which ends the film before climactic anarchy (explosions and credit-card chaos) in favor of a “happy” title card that sees Norton’s character apprehended and institutionalized.

Cruz is now suggesting that 20th Century Fox somehow caved to pressure here. “The second rule of Fight Club,” Ted tweeted, “[I]s ‘we will do and say whatever the Chinese communist censors tell us to do and say.’”

No one (beyond Chinese authorities) is arguing that the film should have been edited this way. It’s right in line with Chinese censors’ usual M.O. (they ever recently, as Variety notes, somehow edited Bohemian Rhapsody to eliminate all gay references). The studio appears to have nothing at all to do with this, but Ted’s attempting to twist the situation to fit the far-right agenda on China, when really, it’s China being China with their standards. And Cruz got lit up for tweeting about pop culture again and not proving a point.

Did the Cancun stuff come up? Of course, and so did Ted’s groveling to Tucker Carlson.

Just gonna leave this here in parting… again, Ted will never learn.

While many of us have opted to use the extra time at home we’ve had during the COVID-19 pandemic to watch Squid Game and decide for ourselves whether sipping on a can of Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew is truly as horrible as it sounds, Joshua Swiger has opted for a different path. As Fox News reports, the former Jeopardy! champion has turned what has been an emotionally trying time into an opportunity to focus more on himself and his health. Over the past year and a half, he has shed more than 200 pounds.

Swiger appeared on Jeopardy! in January 2020, where he won $16,400 during his first appearance. That triumph occurred just weeks before the country—and the world—went into a global lockdown. Yet Swiger had no idea that even bigger wins were on the horizon for him.

Swiger, who told Fox that he had been “morbidly obese” for 20 years, had tried—and failed—to lose weight on his own several times over the preceding decades. So in July 2020, he met with a doctor to discuss his possible candidacy for bariatric surgery, believing that was his last and final hope for dropping weight from his then-400-pound frame. As part of the surgery routine includes the prospective patient attempting to lose weight on their own before going under the knife, Swiger once again attempted to lose weight on his own. Only this time he learned more about nutrition and physiology ahead of time, so went in armed with more information.

“I was able to stick with it long enough to see consistent results,” Swiger said. “Instead of losing 20 or 30 pounds and then giving up when things got difficult, I learned to just hang in there and keep going and eventually, start losing the weight again.”

Because of the pandemic, Swiger was also out of work. He had run his own private tour company, which was forced to shut down when quarantine procedures went into effect. While it wasn’t an ideal situation, Swiger admitted that running his own company was stressful, and he often turned to food for comfort. With that stressor removed, focusing on his health goals became easier.

“When I gave up on doing it my way, that’s when I learned how to do it the right way,” Swiger said. He opted to adopt a low-carb lifestyle, because “that’s the easiest place to cut calories out. Because you need some fats and you absolutely need protein, but you can get by without carbs. I don’t necessarily say everybody should do low-carb, but that’s what worked for me.”

Cut to: January 2021. Swiger never underwent that surgery, because he didn’t need to. Establishing new eating patterns and sticking with them was the key for Swiger, who has now lost more than 200 pounds.

He has also made a change in profession: Swiger now works as a personal trainer, helping others to learn about nutrition and find out what works best for their individual bodies.

“There’s somebody out there who weighs more than I did who’s going to be an even bigger success than me and I can’t wait to help that person,” Swiger told Fox News.

Swiger has been documenting his journey on Instagram and YouTube.

(Via Fox News)

Listening to Rudy Giuliani speak today, it would be hard to imagine that the disgraced attorney could mastermind what to eat (or drink) for breakfast, let alone a massive conspiracy to overturn the results of a very legitimate presidential election. But as authorities continue to gather information about Team Trump’s attempts to capsize the results of the 2020 presidential election, at least on paper, most of the roads appear to be leading back to Rudy, even though he himself admitted that he didn’t investigate the election fraud claims before very publicly slamming them. And at least one prominent legal expert thinks the former New York City mayor should be “very worried.”

As Raw Story reports, CNN’s Erin Burnett welcomed former federal prosecutor Shan Wu onto her show, Out Front, to talk about the massive fraud that was reportedly planned in submitting fake electors to Congress in order for Trump as the winner of the 2020 presidential election that, as you probably remember, he did not win. And how Giuliani may have been more than just the face of these attempts to certify Trump as president, but the mastermind.

Wu said that Giuliani “should be very worried, legally” about his involvement in this subversive plot. “[Giuliani] says that he wouldn’t ‘associate himself with anything false,’ and there he is doing exactly that. And these evidences coming out that he was in charge of this, his own representations of his role sounds like he is a mastermind, a key player. That’s going to be a big problem for him here.”

While Wu admitted that there could be some defenses Giuliani might put up, from a legal perspective, he maintained that “overall, if the Department is looking at this and they charge, they are going to charge the whole kit and caboodle. And I would be very surprised if he is not charged, frankly, if this continues.”

You can watch the full segment below.

Also: Do they serve scotch in prison?

(Via Raw Story)

Warpaint’s most recent album is their well-received late-2016 effort Heads Up. That was nearly six years ago, which is a long gap between albums, especially in today’s fast-paced music industry. Now, though, the band is finally ready to return, as they announced today that Radiate Like This, their fourth album, is set for release on May 6.

They also shared “Champion,” a new single that is driven by the band’s signature subdued groove and atmospheric sounds. The group said of the inspiration behind the song, “Being a champion to oneself and for others. We are all in this together, life is too short not to strive for excellence in all that we do.”

Last April, the band’s Theresa “TT” Wayman noted of recording the new album, “We got really lucky because the foundation of what we’ve recorded was recorded together. It would feel really disjointed if we had to write it from scratch from afar. It’s actually been amazing that we’ve been separate and had time to record the top layers and we can get even more considered with them. It’s really helping us that there are no time pressures and money constraints. […] I’ve been thinking a lot about lyrics and so I’ve been thinking about [Bob] Dylan a lot and how he strings a story together. He finds these perfect ways to say something that is so normal, it’s something that everyone experiences, but he unlocks this great metaphor for it.”

While it’s been a few years since the band’s last album, Warpaint members have kept busy. Since 2016, Stella Mozgawa has contributed to albums like The xx’s I See You; Sharon Van Etten’s Remind Me Tomorrow; Kurt Vile’s Bottle It In; Courtney Barnett’s Things Take Time, Take Time (which she co-produced with Barnett); and Vile and Barnett’s Lotta Sea Lice. Wayman also dropped her debut solo album, LoveLaws, in 2018.

Listen to “Champion” above and find the Radiate Like This art and tracklist below, along with Warpaint’s upcoming tour dates.

1. “Champion”
2. “Hips”
3. “Hard To Tell You”
4. “Stevie”
5. “Like Sweetness”
6. “Trouble”
7. “Proof”
8. “Altar”
9. “Melting”
10. “Send Nudes”

05/09 — Paris, France @ La Cigale
05/11 — Bristol, England @ O2 Academy
05/12 — Manchester, England @ Albert Hall
05/13 — Glasgow, Scotland @ SWG3 Galvanisers
05/14 — Dublin, Ireland @ National Stadium
05/17 — Bexhill, England @ De La Warr Pavilion
05/18 — London, England @ The Roundhouse
05/20 — Berlin, Germany @ Huxleys
05/21 — Cologne, Germany @ Live Music Hall
05/22 — Hamburg, Germany @ Fabrik
05/24 — Amsterdam, Netherlands @ Paradiso
05/26 — Brussels, Belgium @ Ancienne Belgique
05/28 — Warsaw, Poland @ Progresja
06/01 — Istanbul, Turkey @ Zorlu Performing Arts Center
06/03 — Barcelona, Spain @ Primavera Sound

Radiate Like This is out 5/6 via Virgin. Pre-order it here.

Call me crazy, but I’m of the belief that it’s never a good idea to storm the Capitol building. But — and hear me out — it’s an especially bad idea to storm the Capitol building without scrubbing your social media first, as one rioter is discovering.

Jeremiah Caplinger was part of the failed coup on January 6, and he’s already pleaded guilty to “stepping on, climbing, removing, or injuring property on Capitol grounds,” according to Business Insider. He faces up to six months in prison, and prosecutors are using a Game of Thrones quote that Caplinger posted on social media as proof of intent.

Prosecutors explained the plot of a “Game of Thrones” episode to argue that a Capitol rioter who quoted the character Cersei Lannister on social media showed proof of criminal intent, according to a sentencing memorandum filed Tuesday. Two days after the insurrection, Jeremiah Caplinger, 25, posted an image of a soldier from the American Revolution with the caption: “As said by Cersei Lannister ‘I choose violence,’” according to the document.

The quote comes from the season six episode, “No One,” when Lancel, the religious fanatic who was previously in a romantic relationship with Cersei, tells his cousin, “Order your man to step aside or there will be violence.” She replies, “I choose violence.” The filing argues that “in stating, ‘I choose violence’, Cersei Lannister embraced — and then carried out — mass murder to achieve her political ends. In the context of Caplinger posting this just two days after January 6, Caplinger’s adoption of this quote is alarming and provides insight into his mental state and intent in storming the Capitol.”

You know nothing, Capitol rioter.

(Via Business Insider)

In a recent interview, Ye (aka Kanye West) claimed he recovered a laptop from Ray J that contained a second sex tape Kim Kardashian and Ray J had made together, saying, “I met this man at the airport, then got on the red-eye, came back… delivered it to her at 8 a.m. in the morning. I gave it to her, and she cried when she saw it. You know why she cried when she saw that laptop? It represents how much she’s been used… It represents how much people didn’t love her, they just saw her as a commodity.”

While Kardashian isn’t denying the story of Ye getting the laptop for her, it appears the computer may not have actually had another sex tape on it.

People reports they obtained a statement from a Kardashian representative that reads, “After review, there was nothing sexual unseen, only footage on the plane on the way to Mexico and footage at a club and restaurant on the same trip. Kim remains firm in her belief that there is no new second tape that exists. After 20 years, she truly wishes to move on from this chapter with focus instead on the positive things she continues to do as a mother, entrepreneur and advocate for justice reform.”

In a 2021 interview, Kardashian told The Los Angeles Times of the original tape, “I do think that, obviously, as producers, I’m sure they loved it. And loved [us] wanting to talk about the elephant in the room. And I probably wouldn’t have, unless it was for the show. Sometimes I feel like, ‘OK, I know I should probably deal and get this over with. Someone’s gonna ask me, so I might as well just go ahead and do it.’ In a way, filming has helped us deal with things, instead of sweeping them under the rug. At the end of the day, I was always open and honest and wanted to share whatever I was going through. I wasn’t gonna hold back.”