It got lost among all the talk about microwaves blowing up, but during an early pandemic interview with GQ, Robert Pattinson shared that he didn’t want his Batman to look like a CrossFit member. “I think if you’re working out all the time, you’re part of the problem. You set a precedent. No one was doing this in the ’70s. Even James Dean — he wasn’t exactly ripped,” he explained, adding, “Literally, I’m just barely doing anything.”
It was a very 2020 mood, but nearly two years later, Pattinson swears he was kidding. “That really came back to haunt me. I just always think it’s really embarrassing to talk about how you’re working out,” he told MovieMaker. “I think it’s like an English thing. Unless you are in the most unbelievable shape, where people are just genuinely curious, going, ‘How have you achieved, like, physical perfection?’ or whatever.”
He clarifies, “You’re playing Batman. You have to work out.” He laughs. “I think I was doing the interview when I was in lockdown, as well, in England… I was in a lower gear of working out.”
Michael Keaton once told a story about the time Jack Nicholson saw him exercising on the set of 1989’s Batman. “He looks at me and he goes, ‘What are you doing?’ So I said, ‘Working out.’ And he goes, ‘What for?’ And I stopped sweating and I went, ‘I don’t know.’ Then he just walked away, and I thought, ‘He’s right’ because I’ve got the suit and the suit makes me look good.” See, Robert Pattinson? The moral of the tale: you don’t have to work out to play Batman (Robert Pattinson) or watch Paddington 2 on the couch (me).
There was a time not too terribly long ago when if “single malt” came up in a conversation, it’d almost definitely be about Scotch or Japanese whisky. Scotland and Japan have dominated the single malt game for centuries, especially Scotland — where “single malt” and “Scotch” are often (wrongly) treated as interchangeable terms. But the spirits industry has seen an explosion of craft distilling (especially in the U.S.), making single malt whisk(e)y a truly international spirit.
Below, I’m going to blindly taste some classic Scotch single malt whiskies against crafty American single malt whiskeys. Can the so-called new kids on the block from America beat the distilleries that define the style and push it forward? …Maybe? This is an uphill battle but it certainly sparks my curiosity.
Our (unpeated) lineup today is:
Glendronach 15 Revival (Highlands, SCOTLAND)
Westward American Single Malt Whiskey (Oregon, USA)
Courage & Conviction American Single Malt Whiskey (Virginia, USA)
Dark berry brambles with tart and sweet fruit, stems, thorns, and even a little black dirt draw you in on the nose with a hint of walnut shell and cherry pie. The palate is a creamy-yet-bitter dark chocolate orange that leads towards a semi-savory fig countered by ripe apricot. The chocolate comes back with cinnamon spice and more dark berries and walnut on the end.
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
There’s a mix of cream soda, wet applewood, soft yet spicy malts, and orchard fruit on the nose. The taste has a nice vanilla tobacco vibe with a nutmeg-heavy eggnog creaminess, a little dry leather, and a pretty big dose of dry cacao. The chocolate vibe drives the mid-palate towards the finish with a powdered edge and a slight wet wicker feeling on the end.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear bourbon caramel and vanilla note with a buttery edge that leads towards a chalky multivitamin vibe on the nose that’s … interesting. The palate is all about red berries, dry cedar bark, more of that vitamin, and a dark chocolate softness. The finish stays very soft with the chocolate leading towards a mildly warming maltiness.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This is like a fresh herb garden with dill and fennel leading the way on the nose next to fresh bushels of green apples and soft and supple vanilla. The palate has a savory fruit note that’s part fig and part squash next to fancy pear candies and an orchard in full bloom. The finish marries those florals, orchard fruits, and vanilla and then circles back around to a bundle of fresh, green, sharp, and slightly savory herbs.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This has a nose full of ripe apples and pears with stems and cores alongside soft and damp cedar and a chewy vanilla-laced toffee. The palate counters with grapefruit pith, silken vanilla cream, and apple butter brimming with dark spice. The finish comes about with a singed cedar bark feel next to soft powdery spices, orange oils, and a very light vanilla ice cream scoop.
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
A hint of leather leads towards rich honey dripping through freshly shelled pecans, cinnamon-laden peach cobbler, and light and dry green herbs on the nose. The palate has a stewed pear vibe with a hint of saffron next to a well-made apple soda, cinnamon sticks, milk chocolate, and dry orchard wood towards the finish.
Taste 7
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Leather meets Chery Coke on the nose as vanilla pudding and brown spices mingle in the background. The taste is all about the malty spice with more of that Cherry Coke next to ropes of black licorice. A hint of anise arrives late and brings about a finish that indulges in a spicy oatmeal cookie with raisins and walnuts.
Taste 8
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This opens plummy and leathery with dashes of orange oils, dark cacao, honey, sweet oak, and crushed almonds on the nose. The palate is part ripe and bright cherry and part meaty and dark prune next to more orange oils, dark chocolate, and this vibe of what feels like a really densely packed bale of dry hay. Vanilla cream drives the mid-palate towards a finish full of soft chocolate-covered brandied cherries, spicy stewed plums, and a light note of soft tobacco resting in an old cedar box.
Taste 9
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose dances between Almond Joys, banana bread full of walnuts and winter spices, and a bright peach/pear mix. Gingersnaps open the palate up with cream soda, creamy hot chocolate spiked with pepper, and sweet apple candy. The mid-palate bursts with apricot and toffee that leads towards a rum-raisin and vanilla landing.
Taste 10
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This opens with buttery and sugary shortbreads cut with lemon oils and good vanilla with a hint of soft leather and just … softness. The taste is all buttery toffee, soft oak, and mild dark spices attached to malts. Fresh ginger warms things up a bit more before the finish arrives with creamy vanilla pudding and more of that buttery shortbread.
Part 2: The Ranking
Zach Johnston
10. Courage & Conviction American Single Malt Whisky 2021 Edition — Taste 3
Virginia Distillery is one of those craft distilleries you’re going to be hearing more and more about in the coming years. This expression is a single malt blend of 100 percent malted barley distillate that’s aged in ex-bourbon, ex-sherry, and ex-Cuvée wine casks. The blend is a split of 50 percent from the bourbon cask and an equal measure from the sherry and Cuvée casks.
Bottom Line:
That multivitamin note threw me on this tasting. It wasn’t off-putting by any stretch. I just couldn’t square it in the flavor profile. Otherwise, this was a lovely dram.
9. Westward American Single Malt Whiskey — Taste 2
Portland’s Westward Whiskey has its roots in Pacific Northwest craft brewing culture (similar to most craft distilleries in the PNW). This juice is emblematic of how important the first step of whiskey — the fermented mash that is, basically, beer — is to the whiskey-making process. That craft transfers into the 100 percent malted barley whiskey every step of the way.
Bottom Line:
This whiskey didn’t really feel “younger” or “lesser” in any way. It was very tasty but didn’t quite pop the same way as so many others did on this list.
8. Boulder American Single Malt Whiskey Bottled in Bond — Taste 7
This Colorado whiskey is a fascinating experiment — asking what a single malt that’s treated like a bottled-in-bond bourbon might taste like. The juice is made from 100 percent malted barley. Then is spends four years in a bonded warehouse aging in new American oak. It’s bottled at 50 percent ABV, per federal regulations.
Bottom Line:
I wrote in my notes, “Well, that was nice.” There’s really not much else to say besides that this is a well-rounded and easy-drinking single malt but not much else.
This Island’s whisky is all about reaching over the pond. The 100 percent malted barley juice is aged exclusively in ex-bourbon barrels (for an undisclosed amount of time) before it’s vatted, proofed, and bottled as-is.
Bottom Line:
I really like this. In fact, I could see this ranking in the top three of a different blind tasting. That means, the next six whiskies are all killers, and only really separated by a tiny margin.
This Highland malt has made a roaring comeback (the expression went on hiatus from 2015 to 2018). Revival 15 takes its sherried nature very seriously. The juice is aged in a combination of Pedro Ximénez and Oloroso sherry casks for 15 long years. Those casks are married and this whisky is brought down to a very easy-drinking 92 proof with that soft Highland water.
Bottom Line:
I’m shocked this ranked sixth. I generally love this whisky at home. Still, the fact that such a gorgeous whisky can rank so low goes to show the heavy-hitting quality of the brands at play in this blind tasting.
5. Cedar Ridge The QuintEssential Signature Blend — Taste 9
This whiskey is all about a grain-to-glass experience. The juice is made with 100 percent 2-Row Pale Malted Barley (the same stuff used in some of the biggest craft beers) from up in Saskatchewan. The whiskey is matured in ex-bourbon barrels for an undisclosed term. That whiskey is then finished in a combination of brandy, rum, wine, port, and sherry barrels before it’s vatted. The whiskey is blend is then made using the solera method — where the vat is never fully emptied before the next barrel is added.
Bottom Line:
This is another killer dram. The only reason is ranked slightly lower is that there weren’t quite as much going on or quite as many unique notes popping. Still, this was super easy-drinking and truly tasty.
This single malt starts with Golden Promise malted barley in the mash with proprietary ale yeast and local Texas water. The distilled juice is then loaded into used barrels like all of the world’s great single malts. After a few years of aging under the hot Texas sun, the whisky is transferred into French Sauternes casks, bringing a distinct dessert wine vibe to the juice. Finally, the whisky is bottled at cask strength from very small, one-off batches.
Bottom Line:
I would have put money on this ranking number one. I actually drink this whisky a fair amount at home. It’s really damn tasty but was, again, up against serious contenders today. So, here we are.
This dram from Glenmorangie is a much-loved Highland malt. The juice is matured in ex-bourbon barrels for an undisclosed number of years. The whisky is then transferred to French Sauternes barrels which held sweet dessert wines where it spends two more years finishing.
Bottom Line:
“Golden Nectar” feels like the perfect name for this. Delicious. No faults. It’s very straightforward though, which is why it isn’t number one. Again, delicious.
A’bunadh (ah-boon-arh) means “the original” in Gaelic and the juice in this Highland bottle represents that for Aberlour. The whisky is matured in old Olorosso sherry casks exclusively. The juice then goes into the bottle at cask strength, unfussed with.
Bottom Line:
This would have been the other single malt I’d have put money on picking as number one. And, damn, was it close. This whisky is phenomenal, deep, and insanely sippable. You cannot go wrong with this whisky (even if you’re not into “scotch” yet).
Cragganmore is an iconic Scottish distillery. The whisky is matured in sherry casks for 12 years. It’s then transferred into American oak casks that held port for a final maturation phase before proofing and bottling.
Bottom Line:
This is so damn unique and delicious. While there were a lot of whiskies on this list that came close to the top, this really pulled away thanks to that mix of savory greens and bright fruits. This is a world-class whisky that does, indeed, wow.
Part 3: Final Thoughts
Zach Johnston
I’m honestly not that surprised an American single malt didn’t break into the top three. The competition amongst these bottles was fierce. Though, I am still surprised GlenDronach 15 ranked so low. I guess it is what it is.
Overall, unpeated single malt at this level (whether American or Scottish) tends to be subtle, fruity, and delicious (as you can tell by the number of mid-ranking drams that I still absolutely raved about). Any of these bottles would be worth checking out. But it’s really the top three that you ought to hunt down, spend your hard-earned cash on, and savor. They each offer something a little different — each interesting in its own way for a drinker with an expanding palate. Plus, that Cragganmore is one of the more unique (and tasty) whiskies available today and it comes in at a pretty accessible price point.
The failed Cyber Symposium czar is being slapped with a cease-and-desist order from the state of Idaho, and a defamation suit from another voting machine maker for his claims that both committed ballot tampering, leading to Donald Trump’s eventual loss. Lindell’s beef with Idaho stems from his earlier accusations that votes for Trump were electronically manipulated and switched over to Joe Biden in several counties. Lindell threw such a stink about it that Idaho officials decided to conduct an investigation, auditing three counties at random and finding no evidence of voter fraud. Despite this, Lindell has continued to push his conspiracy theory, placing Idaho as one of the many states responsible for Trump’s loss on his ‘Big Lie’ chart. Not only is the state demanding he removes false statements about Idaho’s election process from his website, they’re also billing him for over $6,000 — which is what it cost to run the election audit.
“Despite knowing your statements about Idaho’s elections are false, you have not removed your ‘Big Lie’ chart and continue to perpetuate your false statements,” a letter, sent to Lindell from state officials (via East Idaho News), read. “Those false statements injure Secretary of State Lawerence Denney’s reputation and subjected him to public threats, criticism and ridicule. Your false statements caused the same harm to the honest and hardworking civil servants and volunteers that supported the election process in Idaho.”
But it’s not just Idaho that coming for Lindell.
Smartmatic, a UK-based voting machine company, filed a defamation lawsuit against the MyPillow guy after he claimed their voting machines switched ballots for Trump to Biden. The company is seeking unspecified monetary damages in its suit, though Lindell’s current battle with Dominion Voting Systems — a company suing him for $1.3 billion in damages — might set a precedent for how much Smartmatic ends up asking for in its suit.
Mike Lindell knows exactly what he is doing, and it is dangerous,” Smartmatic said in its filing. “Lindell intentionally stoked the fires of xenophobia and party-divide for the noble purpose of selling his pillows.”
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — We’re going to do one last job
The facts are important here, so I am going to start there. The Rock was a guest on the playoff edition of the Manningcast this past Sunday, for the game between the Rams and the Cardinals. That alone is kind of a lot if you think about it. Imagine explaining to someone 20 years ago that the Manning brothers would be hosting a wildly popular simulcast during an NFL playoff game and one of their guests is The Rock, who is now one of the 10 biggest action movie stars in the world. I assume the person from 20 years ago would be blown away by this. Once they got over the thing where time travel exists. Big day for them.
Anyway, more important business here: While Rock was on the Manningcast, while he was discussing playoff football, there was, just sitting there, a massive Tyrannosaurus Rex skull behind him. Here, look.
Uproxx’s Robby Kalland — a good man and a tireless investigator — already did some legwork here. The T-Rex is named Stan. The original version of Stan, one of the most complete dinosaur skeletons ever discovered, sold at auction recently for somewhere just north of $30 million. There are also Stan replicas floating around for much more reasonable prices. I choose to believe it’s the real one, though, mostly because it would be funnier (when presented with two equally plausible options, you should always choose the funnier one), but also because it allows me to remind everyone about the time Nicolas Cage outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a dinosaur skull and then later had to return it to the Mongolian government when he discovered the skull had been stolen. It is maybe my favorite thing ever.
As it turns out, the skull had been stolen from the Gobi Desert in Mongolia, and the buyer was Nicolas Cage, an actor who among his dozens of films has starred in a movie franchise about the hunt for rare treasures.
A publicist for Mr. Cage confirmed that he bought the skull from the Beverly Hills gallery I.M. Chait in 2007, according to Reuters. The Department of Homeland Security contacted Mr. Cage about the skull last year, and the actor agreed to turn it over.
Perfect, all of it. I love that dinosaur skull collecting is a thing in Hollywood. If you click that link up there, you’ll see that DiCaprio is at the center of multiple dino Venn diagrams. He got outbid by Cage for the stolen Mongolian one, and when Russell Crowe was selling his dinosaur skull (Russell Crowe owned a dinosaur skull, obviously), the paperwork revealed that he bought it from, you guessed it, Leonardo DiCaprio. I choose to believe they have a secret dinosaur club and have meetings in Leo’s house. You cannot convince me otherwise.
Anyway, not the point. Kind of the point, maybe, but also not. The point is more straightforward: We should steal The Rock’s dinosaur skull. A whole Ocean’s operation. Lasers, wires, misdirection, disguises, all of it. I bet Cage would help. He’s probably still sore about the Mongolia fiasco. It could even be a movie, I guess. Nicolas Cage as himself stealing a dinosaur skull from The Rock, also as himself, to replace the stolen one he had to return to the government of Mongolia, which is again, a real thing that happened. Sucker writes itself.
But it would be more fun to do it in real life. This much is undeniable. Please picture a world where you wake up some morning and open the social media platform of your choice and are greeted with a headline like “TEAM OF HI-TECH THIEVES STEAL THE ROCK’S $30 MILLION DINOSAUR SKULL IN DARING MIDNIGHT HEIST.” Imagine how thrilling that would be. It might honestly be the best day of my life, and that’s before we get to follow up headlines that include phrases like “NICOLAS CAGE SUSPECTED” and “BANKROLLED BY LEONARDO DICAPRIO” and “OUTLINED IN AN INCRIMINATING ARTICLE BY A BLOGGER WHO IS ALSO A SUSPECT.”
The only catch here is that we need a getaway driver. Cage could do it but he’ll be too busy verifying the skull for us. We need someone with experience behind the wheel. Someone who maybe has an ax to grind with The Rock. Someone who, just spitballing here, lives his or her life a quarter-mile at a time…
UNIVERSAL
I need this. I am not joking. The last few years have been so weird. John Wick 4 got delayed until 2023. I need some excitement. I deserve some excitement.
Let’s steal The Rock’s dinosaur skull.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — I know I’m on record saying there are too many reboots, remakes, and continuations but this one is okay, actually
FX
What we have on our hands here is yet another Two Things Can Be True At Once situation. In this case, those things are as follows:
There are entirely too many reboots, remakes, re-imaginings, and continuations, and it would be nice if our smartest, funniest, and most creative minds dedicated more energy toward creating cool new things instead of going back to previously fruitful wells over and over
I don’t know. I am strangely at peace with this hypocrisy. Some of that is because the band is all getting back together. (Showrunner Graham Yost is back. Longtime director Michael Dinner is back. Freaking Timothy Olyphant is back as Raylan.) Some of that is because I am a simple man. And some of it is the premise.
The show returns to Givens’ story eight years after he’s left Kentucky and now is based in Miami, balancing life as a marshal and part-time father of a 14-year-old girl. A chance encounter on a Florida highway sends him to Detroit and he crosses paths with Clement Mansell, aka The Oklahoma Wildman, a violent sociopath who’s already slipped through the fingers of Detroit’s finest once and wants to do so again.
This is fine. It’s good. It’s good and fine. Justified was a great show, one of my favorites ever, and one I still return to every now and then even while acknowledging that its “shoot first, ask questions later and maybe never get around to asking questions at all” lead character didn’t age beautifully since it premiered. I’m going to be super happy to re-visit it all with a new story and a new perspective, even — apparently, although let’s not rule it out completely — if it comes without my beloved lawbreaker Boyd Crowder attached. Again, I’m at peace with this hypocrisy. The lessons here are twofold:
It is okay when I do and/or want things but stupid and bad when other people do and/or want them
I still want a spinoff about notes criminal weasel and women’s tennis aficionado Wynn Duffy and I want it to be titled All I Do Is Wynn
This was a good talk.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — I have no notes here
NBC
We’ve talked about the upcoming Hulu series Pam & Tommy. The trailer was an incredible piece of art, in part for reasons relating to stars Lily James and Sebastian Stan looking kind of a lot like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, in part because it contains a shot of Seth Rogen strumming an automatic weapon like a guitar while wearing pearls and three watches, and in part because… like, all of it. It’s cool and a lot. I love stuff like that.
And it gets better. Varietyran an article this week that previewed the action, and at the risk of spoiling a potentially historic television moment for you, that article contained this passage…
But we’re beating around the bush here. Once viewers catch Episode 2 of “Pam & Tommy,” they’ll all be talking about a specific scene in which Tommy, who had just met Pamela, wonders whether he’s falling in love — and discusses it in a heart-to-heart talk with his penis.
The penis tête-à-tête is inspired by an actual passage in “Tommyland”: In the series, Stan, as Lee, is seen carrying on a conversation with the chatty organ (voiced by actor Jason Mantzoukas)
Perfect. All of it. Especially the part where Tommy Lee’s talking penis is voiced by Jason Mantzoukas. Jason Mantzoukas is the greatest. He’s one of those guys who pops up in everything and makes everything he pops up in a little better. Sometimes a lot better. He has this perpetual chaotic energy that works even when it shouldn’t. This isn’t one of those situations, though. His energy is pretty much ideal for “voice of an extremely famous celebrity penis. I am so proud of everyone involved here.
Let’s read on.
From a technical perspective, Gillespie describes shooting the scene as “just awkward. You’ve got four puppeteers working with an animatronic penis. And then, how much is too much, and do you start to lose his emotional torment of what’s going on? Hopefully it works.”
Meanwhile, Stan says he eventually approached the scene like working with any other acting partner. “By the end of it, I treated it like it was an intimate buddy conversation that one might have when they’re falling in love.”
The ambition on display here is commendable. Like, why not shoot a scene where the damn Winter Soldier talks to a magical penis that is operated by numerous puppeteers and voiced by Rafi from The League? Why not just go ahead and try to have it all? You are only limited in this life by your own imagination. It’s good to remember that sometimes. It’s even better when the reminder is delivered by a talking penis puppet. I have always said this.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Go Birds
West Virginia TV reporter @toriyorgeytv gets hit by a car but finishes her shot.
Okay. The important thing here is that this lady is fine. She got hit by a car on live television and brushed it off like a champ, explaining — in a fascinating twist I would love to unpack more at some point — that it’s not even the first time she’s been hit by a car. She’s fine. I want to be very clear that I am establishing this so I can move on to the next thing without you yelling at me for being insensitive and brushing over her health. She’s fine. Everything is okay. I’m going to move on now.
Did you hear it? Did you hear her slip into her regional accent in the aftermath of the car hitting her? Did you hear her say “I gawt ‘it biya corr” in a deeply pronounced suburban Philly accent? I did. I clocked it immediately. This is because I’m a maniac who has spent his entire life in Eastern Pennsylvania and has a lot of opinions about the food selection at Wawa. It sounded like home to me. Like “heaume,” if you will.
But I wanted to be sure. I wanted to double-check just in case I was projecting my own biases onto things. So, I poked around a bit and ended up on her Twitter profile. And I looked at her bio…
TWITTER
There are a couple of things worth noting here:
I knew it
It is wild how panic and adrenaline — and alcohol, in some cases, although not this one — will stir up otherwise-dormant pronunciations of words, almost as though they slip through while the body’s defenses are distracted or operating at a deficit
I watched these two clips again while writing this and now I have a craving for a soft pretzel. So… off to Wawa. I am less of a human being than a caricature. It’s fine.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Let’s just keep interviewing Brian Cox every week or two for the rest of this year
HBO
Everyone should talk to older people more. Older people are the best. They’ve seen so much and they have so many stories and eventually they get to a point where they stop caring so much about biting their tongues in the name of politeness. It’s great. Go call your grandparents. Ask them about stuff. Ask follow-up questions when they answer those first questions. You’ll get more out of it than they will.
This brings us to Brian Cox. Brian Cox rules. He rules because he plays Logan Roy on Succession, sure, but he also rules because he just says whatever the hell he wants when people interview him. He’s been doing it for a while, too. Here’s an interview from 2016 where The Guardian asked him a bunch of boring boilerplate questions, one of which was “What’s your guiltiest pleasure?” And Brian Cox said, “Licorice. And cannabis.” It’s beautiful. He did not have to say “cannabis” there. He could have just said “licorice.” He did that for us.
And he did it again this week. Here’s an interview he did with Deadline to promote his new book. It is wild. Both the book and the interview. He talks trash about his friends and his enemies, calls out Johnny Depp by name, and gets way into the whole Jeremy Strong thing. You remember that. The profile where Jeremy Strong discussed his process. Here’s what Brian Cox said about all that.
Because he does what he does and he does it brilliantly, but it’s also exhausting. Particularly exhausting for him, but it’s also exhausting for the rest of us from time to time. But we weather it because we love him and because the result is always extraordinary, what he does, but at the same time, there is the double-edged sword that goes with it.
Which is refreshingly honest. But also the kind of thing that might get him in trouble down the line. Which the interviewer brought up. Which led to one of the best answers to any question I’ve ever seen.
DEADLINE: Do you worry that you’ve done that to yourself to some degree with the book?
COX: What?
DEADLINE: Put yourself in a vulnerable position?
COX: No, no. Listen, I’m too old, too tired and too talented for any of that shit.
Yeah. Let’s go ahead and pencil in one Brian Cox interview every week for the rest of this year. Ask him about whatever. Ask him about pizza. I’ll do it if I have to. This is serious.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Drew:
I don’t think we’ve made a big enough deal out of the gravy dispenser in the chicken restaurant on this week’s episode of The Righteous Gemstones. I’ve been thinking about it all week long. I have a million questions about it. Are gravy dispensers with multiple flavors and styles of gravy something that exists in the Gemstones universe? Are they common things that are in other restaurants? Do people have them in their homes? Why don’t they exist in real life? Do they exist in real life and I just haven’t found one yet?
I feel like you have questions, too. Please help me… no, the world, correct this injustice.
Buddy, you are correct on multiple fronts. We did not talk about it enough AND I have a million questions about it. This is on me, kind of. I can and will do better going forward. But before we get into it in any more depth, let’s post the GIF so the people are all on the same page.
HBO
Okay, I have three additional questions:
How do they prevent the gravies from contaminating each other considering they all come out of the same nozzle?
Has anyone ever been kicked out for putting their mouth right on the nozzle and drinking gravy straight from the tap?
What do you think would happen if you mixed all the gravies in a cup and poured it over your mashed potatoes?
I’ll stop here, not because I’m done as much as because I don’t think I can top the idea of Gravy Voltron. This was a good email, Drew. Thank you.
A tourist made a big impression in a Key West bar by ordering drinks three times on New Year’s Eve without leaving a tip. That enabled the staff to easily track him down after police released webcam video showing vandals setting fire to a Christmas tree.
The first and most important takeaway here is to not be the kind of person who doesn’t tip bartenders and lights Christmas trees on fire. That is some big-time Grinch activity. You are better than that. I believe in you.
The second and third takeaways are TIP YOUR BARTENDER. Jesus Christ. I know that’s technically one thing and that I already mentioned it in the first paragraph, but come on. Tip everyone: bartenders, waiters, anyone in any service industry. Tip well, too. Start at 20 percent and go up as the mood strikes you. It feels good and is good and, in some situations, can avoid you getting arrested for crimes you’ve committed. There is no losing here.
The arson caused more than $5,000 in damage to the city’s landmark buoy marking the southernmost point in the United States, and sent the island’s “coconut telegraph” gossip chain into high alert, the Miami Herald reported Tuesday.
Another takeaway: Key West rules. I went there on vacation a long time ago and I’ve never been anywhere that gets the general concept of life any better. Just a whole town filled with eccentric goofballs drinking umbrella drinks. I think about it every winter. Let’s all rent a house and stay there until May.
Like other locals across the city, bartender Cameron Briody watched the video, and recognized the 21-year-old man who had stiffed him at Irish Kevin’s on Key West’s famous Duval Street. “I knew immediately that I had served him and that he had used a card, so his name would be on the slips,” Briody told the Herald.
TIP
YOUR
BARTENDER
The bar’s general manager, Daylin Starks, turned to recordings from the “ton of cameras” that watch over the bar each night, and matched credit card receipts to time-stamped videos of the man and his 22-year-old friend.
“We could follow them the whole time, in and out of the bar,” Starks said. “We could see them getting rejected from all the girls they were trying to hit on.”
This is objectively hilarious and a perfect little bow on the story. Not only did these losers get arrested for torching a Christmas tree in Good Vibes City, not only did they get dragged publicly for being cheapskates who don’t tip service workers, but they also got roasted by the bar’s manager in print for whiffing on their sad little pickup attempts. A perfect news story. Let’s recap:
Fresh off her recently released single, “Belaire Bleu,” Jucee Froot co-signs another big-name brand with an assertive performance for UPROXX Sessions. The Memphis rapper shows off her razor-sharp flow and flashy fashion sense at the same time with “Balmain,” snapping off a stream of rapid-fire punchlines over a trunk-rattling trap beat while decked out in a studded white jacket. The performance is a whirlwind showcase of breath control, confidence, and charisma, sure to capture a few new fans as she begins her 2022 campaign.
Although she’s still a relative newcomer, Jucee is no stranger to the rap game. She’s been steadily grinding her way up from the Memphis underground, earning the respect of city legends like Juicy J on the way. It’s paid off, too; in 2020, she featured on the soundtrack of Issa Rae’s hit show Insecure, landed a placement on the DC Comics girl-power adventure Birds Of Prey, and dropped an attention-getting debut mixtape Black Sheep featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, Juicy J, and Rico Nasty. While she took a bit of a break during 2021, she returned strong toward the end of the year with her Grinch-y video for “Christmas List.” After opening the year with “Belaire Bleu,” she’s set for an even bigger breakout in 2022.
Watch her UPROXX Sessions performance above.
UPROXX Sessions is Uproxx’s performance show featuring the hottest up-and-coming acts you should keep an eye on. Featuring creative direction from LA promotion collective, Ham On Everything, and taking place on our “bathroom” set designed and painted by Julian Gross, UPROXX Sessions is a showcase of some of our favorite performers, who just might soon be yours, too.
Jucee Froot is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Chicago rapper Saba’s third album, Few Good Things, is only a few short weeks away from release, and today, he announced that it would be preceded by a short film of the same name, sharing a minute-long teaser suggesting poignant moments, illuminating storytelling, and lush musical accompaniment. The album was previously supported by two singles, “Stop That” and “Come My Way” featuring Krayzie Bone. Saba will also tour the album in the US beginning in April.
Few Good Things: The Short Film is slated to premiere on January 31 with a follow-up screening on February 1 via the premium social live media platform Moment House. Along with the film debut, journalist Brandon “Jinx” Jenkins will host a live discussion with Saba and the film’s director, C.T. Robert. You can see the premiere times below and purchase tickets here.
In the press release, Saba said of the film, “The concept of Few Good Things is the realization of self after a search for exterior fulfillment. It is the satisfaction and completeness you gain by simply living a life that is yours. ‘Few’ is a small number, but ‘few’ is not lonely. In the face of all adversity, a ‘few good things’ is recognizing and accepting blessings. Few is to count them, one by one – an empty glass is full of air, an empty bank is full of lessons, and an empty heart is full of memories. ‘Few good things’ is to grow comfortable with the empty, and despite that, finding your fullness.”
Watch the trailer for Few Good Things: The Short Film. The album is due February 4 via Pivot Gang, LLC. You can pre-save it here.
LIVESTREAM DATES/TIMES BY TERRITORY
1/31 – 6pm ET – North + South America (East)
1/31 – 6pm PT – North + South America (West)
2/1 – 6pm JST – Asia + Australia + New Zealand
2/1 – 6pm GMT – Europe + UK + Africa
As COVID cases continue to spike in the US, movie studios are forced to make decisions about upcoming theatrical releases. Despite movies like Spider-Man No Way Home and Scream continues to crush at the box office, Disney has decided to release their latest flick Turning Red on Disney+, instead of in theaters. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Pixar employees are feeling disappointment over the decision.
“Everyone is really bummed, but most of us get it. Families just aren’t going to the movies,” an insider says. As many young kids are still unable to be vaccinated, many families with children under five are staying in instead of going out.
Turning Red is the third Pixar movie to be released straight to streaming over the last two years. Both Soul and Lucawere released in 2020 and 2021, respectively. “We were told that Soul brought a ton of subscribers to Disney+. Luca started off slower but essentially did the same,” says the Pixar source.
The movie, which stars Rosalie Chiang, Sandra Oh, Ava Morse, Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, Hyein Park, Orion Lee, Wai Ching Ho and James Hong, is the first Pixar movie to be directed solely by a female director. It follows a young girl who turns into a red panda when she is experiencing intense emotions.
It was a bad week for the Trumps — but a potentially good week for people waiting for the family to face consequences for [waves in the gentle direction of the last five years]. New York Attorney General Letitia James found “significant evidence” of the Trump Organization committing fraud (“That’s believable, certainly more believable than a pattern of business at the former-president’s fraud,” Stephen Colbert joked), while the Supreme Court rejected Trump’s request to block the release of White House records to the House January 6 committee. The committee also asked Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, to cooperate with its investigation; she’s reportedly “annoyed” by the request.
Things seem pretty bad for the former-president, but Trump biographer Tim O’Brien cautioned against counting any fried chickens before they hatch.
“Every time there is an investigation of Trump, the media becomes invested in [it] being a possible death knell,” the author of the 2005 book TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald, told the Washington Post. “Donald Trump has nine lives not because he’s a master dodger, but because it’s hard to prove fraud. It’s worth stepping back and looking at the realities of the legal proceedings and at the bars the prosecutors have to overcome to make a case.” He added, “Bad behavior doesn’t amount to fraud.”
“It hinges on whether [James] can prove Trump or the children knew they were doing something wrong and did so anyway,” he said. “Behaving badly is not a crime.”
Madison Cawthorn is showing his age (and his ass, again). The 26-year-old congressman from North Carolina has been in office for just over a year, and has quickly made a name for himself in political circles—all for reasons unbecoming. Most recently, he decided that the best time to clean his gun would be in the middle of a virtual House Veterans Affairs Committee meeting.
On Wednesday, Newsweek reports, Cawthorn was part of a three-hour virtual meeting in which the dangers of burn pits were being discussed. But the political newbie lacked either the interest and/or the attention span to pay attention to the stories of veterans who were part of the hearing and testifying about the devastating health effects caused by being exposed to the many toxic chemicals found in these repositories, which includes everything from munitions to human waste.
In the middle of the meeting, with his camera on for any and all participants to see, Cawthorn could be seen giving his firearm a polish. He chose to do this while Jen Burch, an Air Force veteran who was stationed in Afghanistan, spoke about the dangers she and her fellow veterans face in being exposed to burn pits, and detailed her own breathing issues as a result of the exposure.
Cawthorn’s lack of interest in the proceedings did not go unnoticed. Lindsay Church, co-founder and executive director of Minority Veterans of America, was on the call and took a screen shot of the congressman’s artillery bath time session, which he posted to Twitter.
Imagine you showed up for a Zoom meeting and a colleague decided that was when he needed to clean his gun. Because that’s what happened today in a Congressional roundtable on toxic exposure. We’re better than this. pic.twitter.com/ePJGKdspfY
John Feal, a 9/11 first responder who was on the call, had some harsh words for Cawthorn, whom he described as “immature” and “a child.” “He lacks common sense,” Feal told the Daily Beast. “I think the congressman was overcompensating for something that he lacks and feeling inadequate among the heroes on that call.”
Burn Pits 360 founder Rosie Lopez Torres wasn’t looking at Cawthorn while Burch was speaking, but told the Daily Beast that he seemed distracted at other times during the call. When she saw the screenshot of him during the meeting later, her first response was: “Oh wow.” Torres said that he showed “Total disregard and disrespect to America’s war fighters. He was so bored with the topic. Those that are sick and dying and the widows in his district should see how much he cares about the issue.”
Speaking to Task & Purpose, Burch herself noted that “Here we are taking time out of our day, including the representatives, to talk about a very important issue—a life or death issue for many veterans—and it’s like, ‘I’m sorry am I boring you? You’re not paying attention.’”
Breanna Stewart is one of the biggest names in a loaded free agent class this offseason, and apparently, the two-time WNBA champion is entertaining the idea of moving back to the east coast. According to Chris Haynes of Yahoo Sports, Stewart, who is from upstate New York and played her college ball at UConn, held a meeting in Los Angeles with the New York Liberty earlier this week.
Haynes reports that the Liberty sent a who’s who of the franchise’s decision-makers to the meeting, including its owners, Joe and Clara Tsai, along with head coach Sandy Brondello.
Free agent WNBA superstar Breanna Stewart – in move that could end Seattle Storm tenure – met with New York Liberty this week in LA and it included owners Joe and Clara Tsai, full front office staff, business leads and head coach Sandy Brondello, league sources told @YahooSports.
Stewart is not the only former UConn standout to sit down with the Liberty. It had been reported by Annie Costabile of the Chicago Sun Times that Stefanie Dolson, who was one of Stewart’s teammates with the Huskies, also met with the Liberty, which Haynes confirmed.
Breanna Stewart – a New York native – taking a meeting with the Liberty comes on the heels of her UCONN teammate and fellow New York native Stefanie Dolson also meeting with the franchise earlier this week. https://t.co/O51XUuZIl6
The Liberty are coming off of a 12-20 season, and while they earned a postseason berth for the first time since 2017, the team fell in the first round to the eventual league runners-up Phoenix Mercury. The team boasts an intriguing young core with the 1-2 punch of Sabrina Ionescu and reigning WNBA Rookie of the Year Michaela Onyenwere, while Betnijah Laney is coming off of an All-Star campaign and Natasha Howard, a former teammate of Stewart’s with the Storm, joined via trade last year.
Stewart has won just about everything a person can win during a basketball career, and is coming off of a campaign in which she was a first-team All-WNBA and second-team All-Defensive selection. Stewart averaged 20.3 points, 9.6 rebounds, 2.7 assists, 1.7 blocks, and 1.2 steals in 33.4 minutes per game last season.
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