How is Mike Lindell’s multi-day Thanksgiving “marathon” to overturn the result of the 2020 presidential election going? Let’s see: he called it quits for the night after 90 minutes; he disappeared to eat his Thanksgiving dinner (“Maybe some of you have already had your Thanksgiving meal. I haven’t had mine yet”), and the teaser for his interview with former-president Donald Trump was met with yawns. It’s going great! Lindell also claimed that the “whole world” would be watching his marathon. About that…
Just after midday, Mr. Lindell claimed: “There are probably millions of people watching right now.” However, just 24 people were tuned into his Freedom Patriot Network YouTube channel.
On Mr. Lindell’s World-Wire website, which was also streaming the broadcast, it wasn’t clear how many people were watching, but around 90 people were participating in a live chat at the time.
I know it’s all my family could talk about during Thanksgiving dinner. “Wow, I can’t believe that’s how Mike Lindell wrote ‘Get Back.’ What a great song, and it was made right there in the studio!” Wait… Mike Lindell wasn’t in the Beatles? Never mind. We didn’t talk about him, or his frequently debunked conspiracy theories, even once.
In this week’s special Thanksgiving episode, Steve and Ian return to the Indiecast Hall Of Fame. In case you don’t recall, the honor was designed to honor albums in the indie rock and alternative rock realm that were influential and beloved at the time of their release, but have since been lost to the test of time and sadly — some might say shamefully — left out of the widely accepted canon of the genre. After paying tribute in past episodes to albums by Counting Crows, The Promise Ring, Saves The Day, Secret Machines, and many more, Steve and Ian are now turning their attention to albums from Jane’s Addiction, Robbie Robertson, The Stills, and The Jealous Sound.
In this week’s Recommendation Corner, Ian is vibing with Frailty, the new album from dltzk that is the first digicore album he’s ever really liked. Steve is enjoying Highway Butterfly’s The Songs Of Neal Casal.
New episodes of Indiecast drop every Friday. Listen to Episode 67 on Spotify below, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts here. You can submit questions for Steve and Ian at [email protected], and make sure to follow us on Instagram and Twitter for all the latest news. We also recently launched a visualizer for our favorite Indiecast moments. Check those out here.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Christmas is a time for getting together with your loved ones and doing things that have meaning to you, like singing carols and making cookies and punching someone at a toy store on Christmas Eve so you can get the last Wobblebot or whatever off the shelf and keep the next morning from turning into a chaotic mess of tears and shouting. Also, movies. It’s always great to sit around and watch Christmas movies, preferably with a fire raging in the fireplace and the tree up in the corner, hopefully a safe distance from the raging fire, for reasons related to the aforementioned tears and shouting. And there are so many of them. You have an almost endless supply of choices.
One that I watch every year is The Muppet Christmas Carol, released in 1992. I had it on VHS as a kid and I’ve tracked it down in other forms over the years. It’s on Disney Plus now, along with all the other Muppet productions, including my beloved Great Muppet Caper. I really recommend you watch it if you haven’t, especially if you have kids or can borrow some. It’s adorable, and funny (like, legitimately funny in parts), and it captures the spirit of the season about as well as any movie can. I could talk about it for an hour. But since finding each of you, individually, to discuss it would be pretty inefficient, I guess I’ll just write about it. That seems simpler.
Let’s talk about The Muppet Christmas Carol.
1. The plot of The Muppet Christmas Carol is the same as any version of the original story written by Charles Dickens, in its broad strokes. Scrooge is a cheap uncaring creep, Scrooge is visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve, Scrooge wakes up a new man and starts throwing money and turkeys around town on Christmas morning. (I mean, spoilers, but…) The fun of it all is in the execution. And seeing Michael Caine interact with Muppets. Michael Caine shouts at so many Muppets. We’ll get to that in a bit, but it’s important to have a baseline from which to begin. That’s all we’re doing in point number one.
2. This brings us to Gonzo. The film is narrated by Gonzo, as Charles Dickens, who pops up on screen periodically to explain what’s happening and why, and who is accompanied by Rizzo the Rat. Rizzo is the best. His purpose in the film is to serve as a kind of Greek chorus, pointing out the absurdity of the more absurd moments and repeatedly questioning Gonzo’s claimed identity. He also gets injured. A lot. He flies over fences and gets lit on fire and at one point Gonzo smashes him into a window and wipes him back and forth to clean off a layer of grime, as though a Dickensian street rat is a squeegee. The two of them make a really fun comedy team and it turns the whole familiar story maybe 30 degrees to the left, just enough to make it original. More films should be narrated by Gonzo and Rizzo. Like, the next John Wick movie, maybe. I’m barely kidding.
DISNEY
3. As we discussed earlier, Michael Caine plays Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol, which raises two important questions: One: Why would we let anyone other than Michael Caine play Scrooge? Two: We should not. Admittedly that second thing is not a question. But it’s still important. He is just so good.
A big part of that is the way he plays the role. He’s dead serious throughout. Director Brian Henson explained it in an interview with The Guardian: “When I met Michael Caine to talk about playing Scrooge, one of the first things he said was: ‘I’m going to play this movie like I’m working with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I will never wink, I will never do anything Muppety. I am going to play Scrooge as if it is an utterly dramatic role and there are no puppets around me.’”
DISNEY
It’s important here to note that Scrooge’s bookkeepers, the castmembers he is treating like the Royal Shakespeare Company, in addition to Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit, are played by a slew of mischievous rats. And it’s also important to note this from a recent GQ interview with Caine, which is just fun and I want you to see it.
Have your grandkids seen it?
Oh yeah, yeah. They’ve seen it. They loved it. They can’t believe it was their grandpa—and me singing! People say to me, Have you ever sung? I say, Yes, I sang in a movie. They say, Who with? I say, Kermit the Frog.
The best.
4. The film replaces Jacob Marley with “the Marleys,” plural, which one can only assume was an excuse to have Statler and Waldorf roast Scrooge. A great decision, regardless.
DISNEY
5. Spirits in The Muppet Christmas Carol, ranked:
Present – Big fat forgetful guy who loves food. These kinds of dudes are my people.
Past – Creepy partially translucent young girl who insists on making you go back and relive your biggest regrets. No thanks.
Future – Faceless reaper who shows you your own grave instead of cool future stuff like flying cars and Roombas. Come on, guy.
You will never change my mind on this.
6. It is and always will be a little hilarious to me that the two best movie adaptations of A Christmas Carol feature Michael Caine shouting at Muppets and Bobcat Goldthwait chasing Bill Murray around a television studio with a shotgun.
7. If I have one complaint about The Muppet Christmas Carol, it would be this:
DISNEY
Now, the issue of if and how Kermit and Miss Piggy can ever have children has been around as long as the first overly inquisitive viewer saw a pig lusting after a frog and arched an eyebrow, so much so that there’s an entire page devoted to it on Muppets Wiki that opens with a declaration that the question “has been the subject of debate and turmoil throughout the years.” But what in the barnyard hell is happening here? All the male children are frogs and all the female children are pigs. That’s… that’s unsettling. I get that Disney and Henson Studios probably didn’t want to frighten its mostly young audience with some sort of terrifying cross-species abominations bouncing all over the house. And I get that there’s probably no “right” answer or simple way out of it once you establish that a pig and frog are in a monogamous relationship. But I just have so many questions. So, so many. So many that if I find someone who can answer them I will keep going until they have security drag me away as I shout “IS THIS MEANT TO IMPLY THAT ALL FROGS IN THE MUPPET UNIVERSE ARE BOYS AND ALL PIGS ARE GIRLS? I’M JUST ASKING YOU TO CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF THAT. IT’S A FAIR POINT. I’M NORMAL.”
And do you know who else has questions about all of this? Guess. Did you guess Larry King? You probably did. It makes sense. Anyway, I really must insist that you watch this entire video.
This aired on CNN in primetime in 1993. You could make a very good argument that this was the best thing that ever happened on cable news and that the whole industry hopped on a bullet train straight to the crapper as soon as the credits rolled on this episode. Also, picture them on, like, Hannity, today. “Drain the swamp” has never been such a personal threat.
8. Speaking of things that could be sad and disturbing to children, here’s a fact: The home video version of the movie, the one I practically wore out on VHS, contains a song titled “When The Love Is Gone,” sung by Scrooge’s girlfriend during his trip back to the past. It is a little devastating. It’s all about how he’s choosing money over love and it ends up being the pivotal moment in him becoming an old miserly crank. It’s some heavy stuff for a kid’s movie. Which is why Disney’s then-CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg demanded it be removed and replaced with something lighter for its theatrical release. And yet, the frog/pig children remain. Hypocrites, all of them.
9. That decision didn’t help much at the box office, though. The Muppet Christmas Carol got smoked, coming in sixth in its first week, behind A Few Good Men, Home Alone 2, The Bodyguard, Aladdin, and The Distinguished Gentleman. Nothing gets you in the mood for the holidays quite like Jack Nicholson yelling at Tom Cruise and Eddie Murphy playing a con man who gets elected to Congress. I have always said this.
10. Okay, let’s take a quick second to discuss The Muppet Christmas Carol’s place in the Christmas movie genre. I maintain that it is the best Christmas movie. But to be fair, let’s look at some other contenders:
Home Alone: Good, but not narrated by a tiny blue monster and a talking rat
A Christmas Story: Overrated, Michael Caine does not yell at Muppets
Die Hard: Okay, look, if we’re going to do the whole “action movies that just happen to take place at Christmas count as Christmas movies” thing, then that’s fine, but we have to have a long talk about whether Die Hard is really better than the first Lethal Weapon movie, which also takes place at Christmas and ends with Gary Busey fighting Mel Gibson to the death in Danny Glover’s front yard
Lethal Weapon: Also not as good as The Muppet Christmas Carol
Thanksgiving weekend is upon us, which means that you are probably already a little bit tired of turkey and tofurkey and everything in between, especially canned beets. To that end, it’s time for a real escape into entertainment, so head to your nearest streaming device and fire up the Netflix. This week, there are a few holiday-ish offerings, including a chocolatey series and a super spooky series that’s about nightmarish elves, which might make you reconsider those mantle declarations, at least for the moment.
Otherwise, the content floweth overboard this week with the most recent batch of Kevin Smith’s Masters of the Universe: Revelation series. Bill Burr’s animated show also receives a fifth heaping helping, and there’s also the joint limited series project starring Wesley Snipes and Kevin Hart. Halle Berry also stars in and directs a female fighter movie, and when you’re finished with all of that, there’s a Mark Millar series and the three eldest Jonas Brothers roasting each other. Netflix knows that the time is right for digestion, and they’ve got the couch fuel to help meet that goal.
Here’s everything else coming to (and leaving) the streaming platform this week.
Masters of the Universe: Revelation: Part 2 (Netflix series streaming 11/24)
Kevin Smith channelled his childhood, blood, sweat, and literal tears into this show. Sure, some people overreacted, but overall, the first batch of episodes hit a home run while staying loyal to the O.G. show’s spirit and putting some real stakes behind the He-Man vs. Skeletor rivalry. This second edition picks up with Skeletor holding the Sword of Power while Eternia’s heroes must square off against an actual threat to, well, eternity.
Wesley Snipes and Kevin Hart star in this Philly-set story about a famous comedian who touches down in his hometown for a tour stop. In the process, his personal life rears its head, of course, and he must confront existential dilemmas, including the importance of protecting what’s near and dear to one’s heart. A lot of that drama comes from the comedian’s brother, which proves that no one knows you better (and worse) than your own family.
Waffles + Mochi’s Holiday Feast (Netflix special streaming 11/23)
No word on whether Michelle Obama returns for this special, but the adorable duo returns, at least. Waffles has made up her very own holiday, and then they must figure out the menu, which leads (somehow) to an international quest (to Norway) and more hijinks than anyone expected. This is all about making food and memories with good friends, and good on this show for being irresistible, even for curmudgeons like myself.
F Is For Family: Season 5 (Netflix series streaming 11/26)
Bill Burr returns to the 1970s with his animated fever dream of a time when no such thing as political correctness (or helicopter parenting). Not only is the voice of Burr back but also Laura Dern, Justin Long, Sam Rockwell, and more.
Halle Berry lands in the director’s seat for the first time and also in the cage as a disgraced MMA fighter working toward redemption (both on the professional and personal levels). A classic tale! Really though, Halle’s here to redeem sports movies, as well, which could use some sprucing up following the Space Jam 2 mess. The Oscar winner portrays Jackie Justice who’s full of regret over the shambles her life has become and attempts a career comeback when her soon unexpectedly pops back into her life.
Jonas Brothers Family Roast (Netflix special streaming 11/23)
The Jo Bros are back and making music, so of course, this is also a great time for the trio to roast the hell out of each other. The special aims to prove that no one can get to the root of a roasting quite like another family member, and everyone’s gonna pick on Kevin, right? Expect some special guests along the way to help juice things up even more.
Super Crooks: Season 1 (Netflix series streaming 11/26)
Another Mark Millar title hits streaming, and hopefully, this one will fare better than the Jupiter business. These small-time thieves end up with super powers, somehow, and they’re recruited for “one last job, so hopefully, they’ll actually gain some luck. The animation arrives courtesy of Japanese anime studio Bones, so at least we know it’ll look fantastic.
School of Chocolate: Season 1 (Netflix series streaming 11/26)
Do you want some pastry envy in your life? If you’re stuffed after Thanksgiving and can’t eat another bite but still want to live vicariously, do stop by to visit these pros as they do battle for Amaury Giuchon, a master chocolatier who’s chocolate snowpieces are to die for. Who will be the Best in Class? All of them, as far as I’m concerned.
This surprisingly spooky show revolves around a family who believes that they’re going to reconnect on a remote island, but then fierce creatures that are actually elves make themselves known. If that wasn’t awful enough, then a fiercely religious human population is there to make things even weirder. There’s a tenuous balance at work, though, and this family sure as heck disrupted it, so this turns into a survival tale. Yikes.
Here’s a full list of what’s been added in the last week:
Avail. 11/20 Arcane
New World
Avail. 11/22 Outlaws
Vita & Virginia
Avail. 11/23 Masters of the Universe: Revelation: Part 2 Reasonable Doubt: A Tale of Two Kidnappings
Waffles + Mochi’s Holiday Feast
Avail. 11/24 A Boy Called Christmas
Bruised
Robin Robin
Selling Sunset: Season 4 True Story
Avail. 11/25 F is for Family: Season 5
Avail. 11/26 A Castle For Christmas
Dig Deeper: The Disappearance of Birgit Meier
Green Snake
Light the Night
School of Chocolate
Spoiled Brats
Avail. 11/28 Elves
And here’s what’s leaving next week, so it’s your last chance:
Leaving 11/29 Man Down: Seasons 1-4
Leaving 11/30 3 Days to Kill
A Knight’s Tale
American Outlaws
Are You The One: Seasons 1-2 Battlefield Earth
Chef
Clear and Present Danger
Freedom Writers
Glee: Seasons 1-6 The Happytime Murders
Ink Master: Seasons 1-2 Letters to Juliet
The Lincoln Lawyer
Million Dollar Baby
Peppermint
Pineapple Express
Rake: Seasons 1-4 Richard Pryor: Live in Concert
School of Rock
Stargate SG-1: Seasons 1-10 TURN: Washington’s Spies: Seasons 1-4 Waterworld
While many of us celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday by getting together with family and/or friends, Ye spent his Turkey Day sharing his “Thanksgiving Prayer,” a five-minute video in which the rapper speaks about what he’s thankful for, as well as his shortcomings.
A significant portion of the spoken-word piece (backed by some Sunday Service gospel music) is dedicated to family. The artist formerly known as Kanye West says, “All I think about every day is how I get my family back together and how I heal the pain that I’ve caused.” He later discusses the impact his politics had on his family: “Good Lord, my wife did not like me wearing the red hat. Being a good wife, she just wanted to protect me and our family. I made me and our family a target by not aligning with Hollywood’s political stance and that was hard for our marriage. Then I ran for president without proper preparation and no allies on either side. I embarrassed my wife in the way that I presented information about our family during the one and, thank God, only press conference.”
Elsewhere, he discusses his mental health, alcohol issues, and more, so watch the video above and find a full transcript of it below.
“Boom, boom, boom. Westside. Kanye West. Conway West Side. You never noticed that, did you?
The uh… Hello, my name is Ye and this is my super, super, super, super, super long Thanksgiving Prayer.
On this Thanksgiving, I’m so thankful for family, my blood family, my fans, and our haters. We love you, too. On Thanksgiving, on Christmas morning, not the night before or the day, just the morning.
We’re thankful for our current civilization of 8 billion people, our ancestors, and our children. I’m writing this prayer on my way back from taking my Mini Me to his first football game. Saint got to play catch with Tom Brady before the game. This is a God’s dream.
My Mini Me is a mix of two of my favorite things: Me and my wife’s face. All I think about every day is how I get my family back together and how I heal the pain that I’ve caused.
I take accountability for my actions. New word alert: Misactions. The one thing that all my successes and failures have in common is me.
Let’s start with A: alcohol. I would drink to take the stress away, to knock the edge off. Drinking affected my health and the health of people around… around me, because I already had a hair-trigger temper and this just heightened it.
B: episodes. I went into a manic episode in 2016 and I was placed under heavy medication. Since then, I went on and off the medication, which left me susceptible to other episodes, which my wife and family and fans have had to endure.
Ego. My ego has a tendency to go past the threshold of being motivating and entertaining to just being overbearing. There are ways to show confidence without arrogance.
Temper. Now I know, none of y’all would ever picture this, but sometimes I scream. And that screaming might have helped me tell off everyone who doubted me in music, but that screaming did not help me keep my family together.
Religion. Self-righteous Christian behavior. When I got saved, it did not immediately make me a better person. It made me a self-righteous Christian. Mix that with being rich, famous, and very, very, very, very, very attractive and you got a Molotov cocktail ready to be thrown through the window of anyone who ever disagreed with me. I was arrogant with my Jesus, like I just got me some Jesus at the Gucci store with a stimulus check.
Let’s go with politics here. Good Lord, my wife did not like me wearing the red hat. Being a good wife, she just wanted to protect me and our family. I made me and our family a target by not aligning with Hollywood’s political stance and that was hard for our marriage. Then I ran for president without proper preparation and no allies on either side. I embarrassed my wife in the way that I presented information about our family during the one and, thank God, only press conference. All my dad had to say afterwards was, ‘Write your speech next time, son.’
F is for finances. I spent money like crazy. I mean, it’s the craziest thing I’ve done, and I’ve done a lot of crazy things. As the priest of my home, I must watch my own money and secure our finances. This is America, so people don’t consider stealing to be stealing. They just chalked it up to greed, consumerism, and capitalism.
I’ve let people use me. I’ve had giant entourages. People around me just to make me feel good about myself. I’ve had to learn that I have to take accountability. We always judge and tell other people what they should do, but we can only take accountability for ourselves and our children.
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the family that my wife has given me, I’m thankful for the life that God has given me, and I’m thankful for your time, attention, and patience. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
We don’t talk about Jack Black enough. It’s something I blame most of our societal problems on — this collective silence when it comes to giving one of the greatest comedy actors of our generation his due. We don’t talk about his eclectic filmography, his wholesome bro-next-door persona, or the fact that, despite archaic Hollywood standards trying to cage his sex appeal, he is, in fact, extremely bangable.
But we really don’t talk about his rom-com leading man potential, something that’s on full display in the timeless festive classic, The Holiday.
The Nancy Meyers-directed, Christmas-themed romantic dramedy currently streaming on Netflix is an oft-overlooked holiday treat. It hit theaters in the early 2000s when Black was battling for supremacy amongst a lineup of comedic heavyweights at the box office — blockbuster arch-nemeses like Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Zach Galifinakis — and the rest of the stacked cast, names like Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, and Kate Winslet, were in the prime of their careers. Its plot synopsis is of the generic Hallmark variety: two women with troubled love lives named Iris (Winslet) and Amanda (Diaz) decide to swap houses for a hastily planned Christmas vacation. Diaz heads to a tiny English hamlet where she quickly finds love with Law’s character, a single father and book publisher who manages to ooze sex appeal even when a napkin is covering his face. Theirs is the more conventional, predictable pairing.
Winslet’s West Coast vacation takes her down an infinitely more interesting route to find love, one that involves aging Hollywood icons and annoyingly-persistent ex-boyfriends and, eventually, Jack Black. It’s that final ingredient in the Matzo Ball soup — this film also recognizes Hanukkah which feels revolutionary compared to any other winter-set rom-com you’ll see — that elevates the whole film to something unique, perhaps even unforgettable.
You see, Black has spent decades honing his on-screen charisma. He’s a ball of chaotic energy, all disheveled hair, and curved eyebrows, and sardonic smiles. His stocky, short frame often regulates him to best friend roles despite his inherently magnetic presence on screen. His confidence and self-assuredness can be played for laughs — like in the quirky wrestling comedy Nacho Libre and in Stiller’s action-comedy Tropic Thunder — or it can be used for more dramatic effect — like in Peter Jackson’s divisive King Kong remake. In either case, Black always imbues his characters with a sense of earnestness, and an almost boyish desire to do good, or at least, do better. Even when he’s starring in dark comedies about morticians who murder aging widows, he’s likable, relatable, tangibly real in a way so many leading men with their carb-deficient physiques and polished press junket personalities just aren’t.
And when he’s really in his element, combining his love of music with his theater troupe background like he did for the seminal musical comedy School of Rock, he’s in a league of his own. Charming as hell, invested in his storytelling, easily lifting the performances of a cast comprised of child actors — Black is capable of making audiences forget that the premise of this film is about a struggling musician who impersonates his best friend to acquire a teaching position before turning his classroom into a month-long rehearsal space for a local band competition. He’s that good.
Which brings us back to The Holiday, a film that could’ve saddled Kate Winslet with another boring male hunk but instead gave her Black who improvises and interacts with the material in a way that throws the normal rhythm of a movie like this delightfully off balance. He’s apologizing for boob grazes at sushi spots, he’s delivering glorious music lessons within the hallowed walls of a Blockbuster (R.I.P), he’s hosting movie nights, attending Hanukkah parties, and helping Winslet’s character find herself. He’s a friend before he’s a romantic interest, which feels wildly refreshing. And, he gets perhaps the most swoon-worthy scene of the entire film when he not only crafts a song to represent the object of his growing affections but then tells Winslet’s Iris he “used only the good notes.”
I say again, how is this man not on the cover of every romance paperback?! Where is his Tom Hanks era?
The Holiday is a lovely film, but it’s made so much better by Black — as is every movie he’s in. If we’re being honest, life has been made better by Jack Black, especially during a pandemic when some A-listers offered cringe sing-a-longs and hollow tweets of encouragement. Black spent the past year hosting a Youtube channel with his kids, donning ridiculous costumes to convince people to get vaccinated, and playing Wesley in a virtual table read of The Princess Bride. He’s the only reason anyone’s going to go watch that live-action Mario monstrosity. He’s been putting in the work to be Hollywood’s next leading rom-com hero. He’s ready. The world is ready.
Anderson Valley/O’Fallon/Samuel Smith/Founders/istock/Uproxx
Oatmeal isn’t just for your breakfast table or the base for cookies. It can also be found in your favorite pint of beer. And no, we’re not talking about pouring milled oats into an IPA and then attempting to choke down the gooey, sticky mess you’ve just created. We’re talking about the classic oatmeal stout.
Like many beers, the oatmeal stout was first popularized in England in the 1700s. This beer style is made by using a high percentage of oats in the brewing process along with barley. While you don’t taste “oats” as you do in a cookie or bowl of oatmeal, their addition imparts an almost velvet-like mellowness to the stout due, to their relatively high fat and protein content. While the style’s popularity waned in the early 1900s, it’s made a comeback in recent decades with countless examples available today.
To find some of the best, we asked a handful of notable brewers and beer experts to tell us their favorite oatmeal stouts to drink this fall, winter, and all year long. Keep scrolling to see all of their picks.
O’Fallon Dad’s Oatmeal Cookie Stout
OFallon
Stephen Hale, founding brewer at Schlafly Beer in St. Louis
O’Fallon Brewery Dad’s Oatmeal Cookie Stout because of dad’s oatmeal cookies. It literally tastes like what would happen if you dipped an oatmeal cookie in a stout. It’s rich, sweet, and delicious.
Founders Breakfast Stout
Founders
Manny Salvatori, lead brewer at The Bronx Brewery in Bronx, New York
One oatmeal stout I would drink forever is Founder’s Breakfast Stout. Notes of coffee and chocolate make this one great. My favorite part of that beer is that its sweetness and bitterness are so well balanced and that you don’t realize how strong it is until you finish the whole bottle.
Hoppin’ Frog B.O.R.I.S. The Crusher
Hoppin
Brad Bergman, director of brewing at Sycamore Brewing in Charlotte, North Carolina
While technically a Russian oatmeal imperial stout, I think this still fits the category. This beer is big, rich, super malty, creamy, soft, but is balanced by a firm bitterness and comes across as fairly dry, which helps it achieve great drinkability for such a big beer. I respect how they achieved complex flavor and drinkability all in one package.
Brew Gentlemen Mexican Coffee
Brew Gentlemen
Clayton Homa, expert beer guide for City Brew Tours in Pittsburgh
ABV: 6.5%
Average Price: Limited Availability
Why This Beer?
The one oatmeal stout I’d drink forever is Mexican Coffee from Brew Gentlemen. It’s the perfect balance of roast, spice, and creamy mouthfeel. It’s especially satisfying when the weather cools down, but it’s something I’ll drink in any weather.
Anderson Valley Barney Flats Oatmeal Stout defines the style with its rich, full-bodied, smooth texture and hardy chocolate, coffee, and toffee flavors. It’s complex but accessible. It doesn’t overwhelm but will impress.
Voided Oatmeal Stout by Counter Weight Brewing Company is a classic example of an oatmeal stout and it’s executed really well. This beer is on the stronger side, making it perfect for winter. It’s full-bodied, sweet, roasty, chocolaty, and hits all the right notes, which makes it my all-time favorite.
This beer has won gold medals in both the Great American Beer Fest and the World Beer Cup. It’s rich and chewy with chocolate and hazelnut flavors. Unfortunately, Iron Springs is closing its doors permanently and I won’t be able to drink this oatmeal stout forever.
Thanks, Iron Springs for all the great beers over the years.
Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout is my pick. Resurrected in 1980 after being put out to pasture after World War II, it’s fermented in vast open fermenters built entirely of slate. It’s almost a session beer by today’s oatmeal stout standards, weighing in at 5 percent ABV. The body is not watery but welcoming and toasty with the oats smoothing over the rich roast and burnt characters of the chocolate and black malts.
Alongside a very clean and earthy hop finish, you’ll swear you can taste the creamy chalk of the slate.
Velvet Merlin from Firestone Walker is my pick. This beer is so smooth and generally available commercially. It has creaminess upfront with deeply textured coffee and chocolate malt layers while still finishing dry. It’s a super-balanced stout.
This oatmeal stout was brewed with maple syrup and cocoa. The result is smooth, creamy beer with notes of dark chocolate, caramel malts, and maple candy. It’s warming, rich, and well-suited for drinking on a back porch on a chilly fall day or at an autumnal tailgate.
In my past grocery store food rankings, I was tasked with ranking jarred marinara sauces and jarred alfredo sauces, respectively — the first of which I would never buy and the latter of which I only begrudgingly recognize as food. This week, thankfully, I’m ranking dry pasta brands — a product I can say that I actually do buy and consume on a regular basis. In fact, I’ve even wondered whether one brand was any better than another.
I’m doing a public service! Please prepare my medals.
I’ve sung the praises of fresh pasta many times. I think it’s easier than you’d imagine and something that should be in everyone’s repertoire. But that doesn’t mean there’s no place for the dry kind. Plenty of pasta dishes actually work better with dry macaroni. In fact, in doing this blind taste test, I was fairly shocked to learn how good plain dry pasta actually is, with even just a little bit of nice olive oil. Try it! It’s delicious!
It’s liberating to learn that you don’t really have to work that hard for good pasta.
But How Will The Tasting Work?
In this case, it was the logistics of the testing that proved the biggest challenge. You can’t just throw dry pasta in the micro and taste it 30 seconds later like you can with jarred sauce. Dry spaghetti generally takes about 10 minutes to cook. And you can’t boil all the pastas at the same time, they’ll get mixed up. Nor would it be fair to use the same water to cook all the pastas, because the more pasta you cook, the more starch builds up in the water, changing the flavor and texture of the pastas cooked later (which is often actually a good thing — lots of restaurant pastas cooked in that starchy water come out nice and sticky by the end of the night, soaking up more sauce and flavor).
To make matters worse, my terrible stove only has two functioning burners. That necessitated, you guessed it, lots of time waiting for water to boil.
To make things as fair but also as fast as possible, we cooked each pasta with four cups of water (sort of the minimum to immerse the noodles, but small enough to maximize the boiling speed) and one tablespoon salt. For each sample, we would boil for the amount of time listed on the package or, if no time was listed, sort of eyeball it. Then drain, shock with cold water, and eat.
General Thoughts
Coming into this I didn’t have a “favorite” dry pasta brand, at least not based on anything other than packaging. Having done it, I had a slight favorite of the non-flavored, non-gluten-free varieties. But for the most part, they were reeeeally hard to tell apart. In contrast to virtually every other type of tasting I’ve done — from whiskey to beer to sauce — I mostly lacked the vocabulary to even describe the minute, barely detectable differences between regular dry pasta brands. Most of them had just one ingredient: durum wheat semolina (a type of wheat flour). If you wanted to choose based on which one happened to be the cheapest that day, I can’t say you’d be wrong.
The gluten-free varieties did have a lot more variation, ranging from not-much-worse-than-regular-pasta to emergency only.
PART 1: Blind Taste Test
Sample 1.
Smells: Like pasta! Tastes: like pasta. Pret-tay, pret-tay good. There’s a butter quality to this one that the others seemed to lack.
Sample 2.
Smells and tastes: Like pasta! Few surprises here, folks. Nothing much to complain about.
Sample 3.
Nose: Uh… regular? Smells just like pasta should. Flour, water, salt. Tastes fresh and good.
Sample 4.
Lighter in color, with a slightly… vegetal smell? Taste-wise it’s pretty similar to the others.
Sample 5.
This one is slightly darker in color, and smells slightly different. A more complex smell, what is that… mustier? Taste-wise it’s classic pasta. Actually very good, this one might be my second favorite.
Sample 6.
Also slightly darker. Is that a greenish tint? These are thinner noodles than the others. Flavor is good, but maybe a fraction chalkier?
Later, I went back to note: “Still, distinctly better than sample 7.”
Sample 7.
Sunny yellow color on these, lighter color. Eggy smell. These ones have a distinctly different, grainer, chewier chew to them. They stick to my teeth a little more. Flavor is… good, or at least inoffensive.
It’s almost like they don’t have a taste.
Sample 8.
Paler yellow in color. Smells… just like flour and water. Tastes like regular pasta. Clean taste. Pretty good.
Sample 9.
Clearly an alternate grain pasta, you can’t fool me! Reddish in color. Smells like… bean powder? Lentils or something? Yikes. Tastes: chalky/powdery/beany. There’s no elasticity to it and it kind of just dissolves in your mouth, and not in a pleasant way. Not a big fan. I can also smell it from like five feet away.
Sample 10.
Pretty red color. Slight beany/vegetal nose but not overpowering or off-putting.
Has a weird, non stretching texture and a slight powdery texture, but of a vegetal aftertaste. Definitely not as good as regular pasta but it’s not revolting.
Sample 11.
Green. Smells… like spinach? Is that what that is or is it just my mind just trying to make sense of the green? Definitely has a green vegetable flavor, and it’s a little strong for my taste. Otherwise pretty standard pasta-like flavor and texture.
PART II: The Rankings
11. Sample 9: Veggie Craft Spaghetti, Made With Cauliflower
Veggiecraft
I wouldn’t say this Veggiecraft gluten-free, vegan, dairy-free, keto-friendly, soy-and-nut-free vegetable pasta was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted; I could see it being acceptable if you’re allergic to any of the many ingredients that notably aren’t in it. In a battle against regular pasta though, it’s going to lose.
The taste wasn’t that bad, but the texture was weird and vaguely gelatinous (something something your mom) and it was stinky in the way cauliflower and broccoli are kind of stinky, but without the sense of eating a fresh vegetable that usually comes with eating those.
10. Sample 10: Barilla Red Lentil Spaghetti
Barilla
Again, maybe my censors are fried after sampling 15 jars of Alfredo sauce, but none of these pastas were that bad. This one, made from pure legumes, had a weird, non-stretchy texture and a vaguely powdery and vegetal aftertaste, but… it wasn’t terrible. If you absolutely had to have pasta made from beans for some reason, you could.
9. Sample 11: DeCecco Spaghetti no. 12 With Spinach
DeCecco
I always did wonder how much different those pretty green spinach noodles actually tasted and how much was just for looks. In the case of this dried version, I can now say: they do taste quite different. The spinach flavor was quite noticeable, even with other greenish pastas in the mix. Fresh spinach pastas are a different animal, but my verdict on this is basically: I like spinach. I like pasta. I don’t need spinach in my pasta.
It’s not a bad pasta I just don’t really see the point of it.
8. Sample 7: Gluten Free Full Circle Gluten Free Pasta Made From Corn And Rice
Full Circle Market
This corn and rice flour pasta definitely had a different, sort of chewier, grainier chew to it than regular pasta, but it really wasn’t bad. At worst it was a little tasteless. It did have a pretty yellow color.
7. Sample 8: Dreamfields Healthy Living Spaghetti
Dreamfields
This Dreamfields Healthy Pasta Living spaghetti touts itself as “vegan” on the package, which is true, though… most traditional dry pasta is vegan, on account of the only ingredients are wheat flour and water. I guess the deal here is that it’s regular pasta with added fiber. Ingredients: Durum wheat semolina, inulin, wheat gluten, xanthan gum, wheat protein isolate, pectin, potassium chloride, niacin, iron (ferrous sulfate), thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid.
Judged against the gluten-free and keto varieties, this is a little better (which makes sense, it’s neither gluten free nor keto). Judged against the regular pastas, it’s ever-so-slightly worse. Worse by a barely perceptible amount. I guess it depends how much taste you’re willing to sacrifice for about three more grams of fiber.
I’m not here to decide for you, you’ll have to discuss with your priest.
6. Sample 6: Barilla Protein+ Spaghetti
Barilla
I suppose there are two ways to look at this. On the one hand, this Barilla product made with lentil, pea, chickpea, barley, and spelt flour was better than all the gluten-free options, and all the other lentil spaghettis. On the other, it’s not actually gluten free, so of course it is. Again, I guess it all depends on how much you need your pasta to be multi-grain and packed with legume protein. Taste wasn’t much different than the non-multi-grain options, so in that sense, why not? But it is just a little bit worse than those.
5. (tie) Samples two, three, and four. Garofalo Spaghetti, American Beauty Spaghetti, De Cecco Spaghetti No. 12
GarofaloAmerican Beauty
I came into this wondering whether there was a difference between the pasta brands I normally choose. The answer, it seems, is “a little,” but for the most part “no.” The difference between all the non-gluten free varieties was so negligible it was almost impossible to detect. With all of these, my notes were variations on “yep, tastes like pasta,” and I couldn’t tell these three apart at all.
They’re all good! Buy whichever one you want.
2. Sample 5: Barilla Artisanal
Barilla
According to the website, Barilla does sell two types of spaghetti, the classic blue box and this “Collezione” version, “crafted using traditional Italian bronze plates for a homemade ‘al dente’ texture.”
My local supermarket only had this one so it’s a bit of a moot issue, but: this was great pasta! Which is to say it was infinitesimally (and I mean, the difference was incredibly small) better than the previous three. I won’t speculate as to what might account for that, but it’s what I thought. This one was slightly darker in color than the other non-gluten free varieties, with a slightly more complex aroma.
1. Sample 1: Rao’s
Rao
I swear I’m not being paid by the Rao’s company — I tasted all of these blind. I didn’t even really know they made dried pasta before this. And again, the difference between this and the other non-gluten-free varieties was vanishingly small, but the Rao’s had a just-barely-perceptible butteriness to them that the other ones lacked. I have no idea what accounts for this. It contains the same two ingredients as all the others, semolina flour and water, and like the Collezione, it also touts itself as being cut on traditional bronze dies.
All I can say is that if you want a pasta that’s so infinitesimally better than the others that probably no one will notice, go for the Rao’s.
Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can check out his film review archive here.
Whether you enjoy white, spiced, or dark rums, there’s probably a rum out there that’s pretty well-suited to your palate. The spirit has so many iterations from all over the planet that it’s incredibly diverse and eclectic. An aged dark rum and an unaged rhum agricole literally couldn’t taste more different.
That, in our opinion, makes rum one of the most fun spirits categories to explore year-round. But with so much of it out there, we understand that it can be intimidating. That’s why we once again turned to our friendly neighborhood bartenders. This time around, we tasked them with revealing their favorite undervalued bottles of this sugarcane (or molasses)-based spirit.
We’re talking underappreciated, under-used, and sometimes forgotten bottles that should be on your radar. Keep scrolling to see which bottles bartenders think deserve more love.
For a spiced rum, Sailor Jerry is very versatile, and the spices and vanilla notes are really prominent. I would be willing to pay more for what it is going for in most stores.
Dos Maderas Rum PX
Dos Madeiras
Lauren Parton, general manager of Viceroy in Chicago
Aged rums are, in general, undervalued or under-appreciated. I hope we see that change soon. I’d pay $60 per bottle for this. It’s aged in both oak casks and ex-wine casks from Spain. It’s very sweet on the nose and palate, and at the end you get the hints of fruit and that sherry cask.
This is another one that is best to have on its own to savor.
Diplomatico Mantuano
Diplomatico
Nicholas Karel, director of bars, lounges, and beverages at Windsor Court in New Orleans
Diplomatico Mantuano is a blend of rums aged up to eight years. This is a truly amazing rum for the price point. With flavors of plum, oak, spice, and vanilla, it’s a great rum for a cocktail and delicious as a sipper.
My favorite value rum is Wray & Nephew White Overproof. It’s been made in Jamaica for hundreds of years so they know what they’re doing. If you’re brave, you’ll find this 126 proof rum is actually still sippable with an ice cube or two. It hits with a little burn at first but that gives way to a molasses undertone and notes of banana.
Of course, the high proof means it mixes great in classic rum cocktails like a mai tai or jungle bird. You can pick it up for about $25, but a little goes a long way and I’d pay twice that.
Don Papa 10
Don Papa
Kevin Smith, food and beverage manager at The Vinoy Renaissance in St. Petersburg, Florida
Don Papa 10-year-old Rum loses a lot of the spotlight to some of the other more popular rums, but it is one of the best rums out there. It has superior flavors of honey and candied fruits. It’s a sweet and light rum that is great for both sipping and mixing.
It’s so good, I would pay $20-$30 more than the asking price.
Flor de Caña 12
Flor de Caña
Christopher Rodriguez, lead bartender at Lucy Restaurant & Bar in Yountville, California
The most undervalued bottle of rum is Flor de Caña 12. It does super well in cocktails and is good to drink on ice. Many people think the cheaper the price, the lower the quality. But this rum disproves that.
Bacardi Superior White Rum
Bacardi
Emily Lawson, bartender and founder of Pink House Alchemy in Fayetteville, Arkansas
Bacardi Rum is clean and fresh on the front end. A perfect daiquiri can be accomplished with a bit of lime juice, Bacardi White Rum, and Pink House Alchemy’s cardamom syrup. In addition to its delicious taste, it’s very affordable and won’t break the bank.
Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva
Diplomatico
Pascal Pinalt, director of restaurants and bars at The Confidante in Miami
Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva is an amazing sipping rum that is made almost entirely from sugar cane honey. The result is an exceptional rum showing characteristic fruity and sweet flavors to a level of concentration. The finish is chocolate, orange, and melted vanilla ice cream.
I would easily pay twice the amount for the rum.
Smith & Cross
Smith & Cross
Nick Baitzel, beverage director of restaurant group Sojourn Philly in Philadelphia
Smith & Cross Rum is easily one of the best rums on the market. This aged Jamaican rum has a bit higher proof and is perfect for tiki cocktails and traditional cocktails alike. It’s geat for a hurricane or a rum punch, and definitely worth more than its price.
Real McCoy 3 Year is an absolutely incredible rum produced in Barbados. It is soft and creamy with caramel and vanilla, as well as bright citrus fruits and spice to keep it fresh and energetic. Perfect in a Daiquiri, perfect on the rocks.
Cruzan 9 Spiced Rum is super layered and complex in flavor but super smooth, making it easy to drink by itself. It’s also a great base for a rum cocktail. Someone could easily mistake it for a $40 bottle in a blind tasting.
Ron Zacapa 23
Zacapa
Christopher Devern, lead bartender of Red Owl Tavern in Philadelphia
Ron Zacapa 23 is a full-bodied and delicious rum. For those who don’t like sweeter spirits, I highly recommend you at least give it a chance. $50 is a fair price for a rum that can be appreciated in many ways. It’s not your typical cola mixing rum.
I’d be willing to pay $60-$70 for this rum, considering I haven’t found many on the shelf that compares to its quality.
With the world regaining some sense of “normal” in recent months, a problem that didn’t really exist during the height of the pandemic is returning to our lives — the early morning coffee rush. Who amongst us hasn’t been twenty minutes late to work because we took a chance on a Starbucks drive-thru that deep down we knew we didn’t have time for? These days, it feels like there are even more drivers on the road than in pre-pandemic times. Couple that with many fast food chains’ inability to attract workers, and we’re experiencing the slowest drive-thru times we’ve had in a good long while.
Is that going to stop us from attempting that last-minute Starbucks run? Not a chance.
But for those mornings where the drive-thru lines seem particularly punishing, when cars tangle through parking lots and spill out into the street causing even more traffic, you should know that you have a lot of other options that aren’t Starbucks. Almost every fast food restaurant these days has some form of coffee — be it blended or sweetened — and some of them are just as good if not better than the sugar-loving Seattle chain. So we went on a quest to rank all of the best fast food iced coffees we could find to help satisfy your morning coffee cravings.
Why iced coffee? Because we figure if you’re waiting in a drive-thru line for Starbucks, you’re probably not getting a hot black coffee with cream and sugar — you can make that sh*t at home in less time. So we went with a crowd-pleaser: sweetened vanilla iced coffee. Why vanilla? Because judging by a lot of fast food menus out there, it’s the most popular besides straight black.
Before we begin, let me define what makes a good iced vanilla coffee in my opinion. Ideally, you have a nice balance between the rich and complex flavors of a quality coffee blend, and the creamy textures and sweetness of milk and vanilla. A good roast will have an earthy bitterness to it that contains the nutty and sometimes buttery flavors of roasted coffee beans perhaps featuring a subtle natural fruitiness or floral sweetness, all balanced with some acidity. My first job was working as a barista in Southern California, so I’ve had all kinds of different coffee blends hailing from the best coffee-producing regions from South and Central America to Africa to Jamaica to Hawaii.
Living in Los Angeles has also left me spoiled with good coffee options. So I’m the perfect person to call out the best and worst iced coffees in the fast food game. Now let’s get to drinking!
10. Burger King — BK Cafe Iced Coffee Vanilla
Burger King
Calories: 201
The Coffee:
Burger King isn’t good at anything they make, and that extends into the BK Café branded line of coffee beverages. If you follow our fast food rankings you’ve probably picked up on the fact that Burger King consistently ranks at or near last place, trust me when I say this, it brings me no joy. I wanted this to be good, but it’s just not. It has absolutely nothing going for it.
The coffee here is highly acidic giving off a sort of rotten quality to it that there isn’t enough vanilla in the world to mask. Yes, this drink is sugary sweet with a whopping 26 grams of sugar, but it’s not the sort of drink that tastes worth the high sugar dose. The BK Cafe iced vanilla won’t make you feel like your indulging your sweet tooth and pampering yourself with a decadent treat, it’ll just make your stomach turn.
The Bottom Line:
Why are you even at Burger King? Seriously, do you have any other options? Order a Coke if you have a caffeine craving.
The Wendy’s Frosty-ccino is a disgrace to the Frosty name. Okay, that sounds harsh, and in truth, Frostys aren’t actually that good in the first place, but the Frosty-ccino totally fails to deliver anything worth spending your money on. I wouldn’t even drink one of these if it were free, but I’d happily take an actual Frosty for some fry-dipping ecstacy.
The Frosty-ccino tastes like bitter dirty water, you only get the sense that you’re drinking coffee because of the blunt unwelcoming bitterness that dominates the aftertaste. The vanilla is somehow barely there despite this drink packing 28 grams of sugar. The first time I had a Frosty-ccino, I figured they just made it wrong, but after drinking this one a few times it’s been consistently watery and flavorless, so I guess that’s just what it tastes like!
The Bottom Line:
Don’t let the Frosty name fool you, this is shockingly bad and incredibly bland. Real bottom of the barrel trash.
I really appreciate Jack in the Box for not loading its Vanilla Sweet Cream Iced Coffee with a large amount of sugar to mask the undoubtedly low-quality coffee beans used as the base for this drink, unfortunately, they probably should have. This coffee just isn’t good, it tastes burnt with an overly blunt flavor that holds a sickly sour aftertaste that will instantly give you bad breath.
The vanilla doesn’t really add sweetness, it just tames the bitter burnt flavor and makes it a little more palatable. The end result is not horrible, but there is absolutely no reason to ever order this.
The Bottom Line:
The only time I’d suggest drinking this poison is if you’ve woken up with a hangover but have a full day of work ahead of you. The caffeine will get the job done, but you won’t enjoy drinking it. Luckily your head is probably pounding and your stomach is turning, so the way coffee tastes is of little concern.
Carl’s Jr’s Vanilla Cold Brew is a massive step up from what Jack in the Box is selling. I wouldn’t exactly describe this coffee as good, but it certainly isn’t bad. Unlike the lower-ranked iced coffees on this list, this Vanilla Cold Brew doesn’t have an overly roasted burnt flavor. The coffee is a lot more delicate here with subtle floral notes, and that light roast packs a powerful punch of caffeine that really helps to sharpen the mind and get you in the zone.
The vanilla and cream are used subtly here, it’s not overwhelmingly sweet, it adds the slightest hint of creaminess and really compliments the roast. I’m actually surprised at how drinkable this stuff is, totally serviceable, and won’t make you regret hitting the undoubtedly shorter Carl’s line over Starbucks.
The Bottom Line:
Carl’s Jr’s iced coffee has no business being nearly this good. This noticeably lighter roast is delicate and creamy whereas most fast food coffees are burnt and overly sugary to hide that.
Sonic doesn’t generally rank very highly for us in any fast food category but the drive-thru chain’s coffee offerings are pretty damn good and surprisingly flavorful. The French Vanilla Cold Brew has a very appealing smoothness to it, it’s delicate and creamy while still containing that soothing earthy bitter bite. It’s almost chocolate-y. Notes of cherry hover gently over a smooth and subtly sweet roasted flavor that is unfortunately sullied by the artificial French vanilla flavoring.
I’d strongly suggest passing on the flavoring here and opting to take this coffee black or with only the sweet cream. The roast is complex and flavorful enough on its own.
The Bottom Line:
It’s good because of the coffee, so skip the flavoring on this one for a distinct blend that tastes complex, naturally sweet, and expresses itself in delicious waves across your palate.
Starbucks is obviously the crowd favorite and I’m sorry but, it earns its place comfortably in the middle of this list. I ordered my iced coffee with whole milk and three pumps of vanilla syrup which is the standard amount for a small… sorry, “tall,” and I was pleased to find that the drink had just a hint of sweetness, with the perfect balance of creamy flavors and bitter chocolatey coffee. All of the elements of this coffee really work harmoniously, but the weakest link is the coffee itself, and when we’re talking about iced coffees that’s kind of a problem.
Starbucks coffee just… isn’t very good. It’s roasted to the point that the coffee comes off as more bitter than it should. It’s a little acidic and has a slight chocolatey quality to it, but it just leaves your mouth tasting very flat and in desperate need of gum. I also don’t feel a very significant kick from this drink, it’s refreshing, but doesn’t really provide me with that jolt that I rely on coffee to provide.
The Bottom Line:
It’s well balanced but at the end of the day, Starbucks coffee just doesn’t taste very good. It’s over-roasted, I realize Starbucks utilizes a lot of dark roasts, but this isn’t rich, complex, or distinct like dark roast coffee should be, it’s flat.
Dunkin’ is a chain that consistently surprises me. I didn’t grow up with Dunkin’ Donuts, so I don’t have a lot of experience or nostalgia regarding the chain as I’ve always gotten my donuts from the corner mom & pop donut shop. I rarely frequent chains like Dunkin’ or Krispy Kreme but every time I try anything Dunkin’ related I’m taken aback by the focus on flavor the brand puts into everything it does.
This iced coffee is definitely on the sweeter end, so it’s hard to really taste the coffee and decipher the flavors, but the result of Dunkin’s coffee base and their vanilla swirl tastes deliciously buttery, like a homemade cookie. It’s a little decadent and will get you incredibly wired from caffeine, but I’ve yet to have a coffee from Dunkin’ that wasn’t an absolute pleasure to drink from first sip to last.
The Bottom Line:
It leans on the sweeter side so if that’s your vibe, you’re going to love it. If you like your coffee a little closer to black, Dunkin’s iced coffee is fully customizable, from milk choice to sugar and flavoring. I’ve just never felt the need to go light on the sugar here, when in Rome!
You might know a few people who swear by McDonald’s coffee and always roll up with a cup in hand, believe the hype, McDonald’s coffee is actually surprisingly good. Yes, that comes down to the fact that like everything at McDonald’s, the flavored coffee is packed with sugar, but the combination of espresso and vanilla here is buttery and inviting, with a cool refreshing flavor that is artificial for sure, but not in an off-putting way. It’s a bit like the Starbucks iced coffee, but with a better coffee flavor that tastes nutty and deep, not bitter and bland.
Technically this isn’t an iced coffee, it’s a latte, so it has a lot more milk and utilizes espresso rather than a coffee extract base or a cold brew. That helps the flavors come off more balanced here and a lot creamier than a lot of the other iced coffee drinks on this list. Maybe that’s cheating, but who cares, it tastes good and will give you a strong kick of caffeine.
The Bottom Line:
Believe the hype, McDonald’s coffee is way better than similar flavored drinks from Starbucks. Starbucks has the edge on variety, but when it comes to vanilla-flavored coffee drinks, McDonald’s is superior.
Starbucks needs to learn a lesson from Panera, this is how to make a dark roast coffee. Panera’s cold brew coffee is a bouquet of flavors with a bittersweet finish that makes drinking it incredibly addicting. The coffee here is rich and bold, with a lot of toasty depth and a sweet cherry flavor that is elevated by Panera’s high-quality vanilla syrup, giving the experience a delicious dessert-like quality.
That probably comes down to the fact that Panera uses half and half in place of milk here, which makes the drink come off as noticeably creamier than the competition.
The Bottom Line:
Good enough to savor, Panera’s Madagascar Vanilla Cream Cold Brew offers rich and complex flavors that deserve to be slow sipped on a relaxing day, rather than guzzled down before work. This is the best choice for the coffee drinker who loves and appreciates the subtleties of good well-roasted coffee.
It pains me to give Chick-fil-A the top spot in any category, but this is simply the best coffee drink you can get from a fast food drive-thru. You can really tell Chick-fil-A brews its coffee fresh each day, the blend here is rich with a light butterscotch flavor that features a smooth toasted body with distinct citrus top notes that cut through the sweet vanilla syrup.
The finish highlights the vanilla flavoring, leaving a sweet stain on the palate that is more pleasant than the stale bitter taste left behind by the bottom five on this list. When Chick-fil-A serves you a cup of cold vanilla iced coffee, it comes in this beautiful unmixed marbled state with ribbons of cream that brush against dark cold brew coffee. It’s pretty to look at, but don’t drink it like this, make sure you give it a good mix.
When I say “good mix” I don’t mean a few shakes of the wrist before you sip, use that straw and make sure you stir from the bottom until you’re left with a consistent cream color.
Then sip and enjoy layers of flavor that ricochet between sweet and creamy notes, and a rich and complex earthiness.
The Bottom Line:
Rich, complex, sweet, creamy, everything a good iced coffee should be. Chick-fil-A crafted a drink here that combines complementary flavors that truly add up to something greater than the sum of its parts. If Chick-fil-A could find a way to add a sprig of fresh mint into this thing, it might even rival the sort of iced coffee you’d get from your favorite neighborhood barista.
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