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Hughie Campbell, arguably more than anyone else, goes through a lot on The Boys. From the very first episode‘s opening moments, we witness his trauma, and it’s so visceral that one wonders how actor Jack Quaid was able to get through the scene without losing it. Because the sight of him covered in fake blood and holding a pair of disembodied hands is almost too much, and now, I cannot stop imagining him laughing his butt off while shooting the scene. Why? Because The Boys Twitter account has exposed Quaid as a guy who cannot keep it together while attempting to film very serious moments.

“Wow, @jackquaid92 takes his job WAY too seriously,” wrote the smarta** (hi!) who’s running The Boys account. From there, we’re treated to two minutes of takes where Erin Moriarty (as Annie January/Starlight) and Karl Urban (as Billy Butcher) as they try to get through the scene where Hughie’s supposedly unconscious and Butcher’s declaring, “Every morning, he slaters his bum with creamy Desitin.” The not-so-subtle implication, of course, is that Hughie’s got some adult diaper rash, and for the life of him, Quaid can’t get through this scene.

From there, the speculation can begin. Naturally, one can assume that the infamous “Whale” sequence, which left Hughie shell-shocked inside of a giant, bloody mammal carcass, probably took forever to complete. And let’s not get started on the “Herogasm” episode that’s forthcoming and can’t get here soon enough.

The Boys Season 3 should have a release date… soon? Fingers crossed.

Earl Watson, who played for 13 years in the NBA before becoming the Phoenix Suns head coach in 2016 for just over a season, was one of the main sources in ESPN’s detailed report in alleged racist and misogynistic behavior from Suns owner Robert Sarver.

The report has led to plenty of questions about the Suns organizational culture and sparked an NBA investigation into the matter, with some wondering if Sarver could be removed as owner similarly to Donald Sterling from the Clippers. Watson was one of 70 people interviewed for the story, but was among the few that were willing to speak on the record with their name attached.

In a statement issued on Thursday evening after the story’s publication, Watson appreciated those who came forward to speak out about Sarver and the culture in Phoenix, and said he will have more to say later but would prefer not to speak on it constantly.

“I am not interested in engaging in an ongoing battle of fact. Instead, I want to applaud the courage of the numerous players, executives, and staffers for fighting toxic environments of racial insensitivity, sexual harassment, and micro-aggressions with their truth. Basketball and 17 years in the NBA has allowed me financial privilege to speak my truth, but we can’t forget about those who must remain silent for fear of losing their jobs,” he continued. “While our fortitude assists with progress, there is still more work to be done in the name of equality, and I believe that one of the strengths of our league is its ongoing commitment to justice. This has been a traumatic experience, one that has affected my profoundly, and I am not willing to relive it every day. But I will not forget it, and I will address it more fulsomely at a point in the future when I feel ready.”

Watson was with the Suns organization as a coach from 2015-2017, first as an assistant and then as head coach. In an 2018 interview with Yahoo!, he said that his dismissal by the Suns was ‘bigger than basketball’, but the ESPN story is the first time Watson’s allegations against Sarver have been made public. Watson is now an assistant with the Toronto Raptors.

I feel like the phrase “bucket list” gets thrown around way too much these days. To the point where it almost loses its cachet. When everything is a bucket list experience is anything actually a bucket list experience?

But even in the world of seemingly endless “Insta-worthy” locations, some truly stand out. For me, Cloud Camp is absolutely one of those.

In simplest terms, Cloud Camp is a luxury adult summer camp. An oasis at above 9,200 ft of elevation, you truly feel as if you are sleeping in the clouds. If the clouds had five star dining, cedar hot tubs, and unlimited drinks, that is. And that’s just the beginning.

Let’s break down why this hotel should be on your bucket list.

Why It’s Awesome:

Cloud Camp is truly one of a kind. Situated over 3,000 ft above Colorado Springs in the Rocky Mountains, it is at once secluded and accessible. After checking in at the main Broadmoor property you are whisked away in an Escalade up 16 switchbacks (through the renowned Cheyenne Mountain Zoo and past the Will Rogers Shrine) on a private road to your home above the clouds.

The thing I love most about staying at Cloud Camp is that it truly is exclusive — the only people who can ever access the property are the guests and staff. It has the amenities of a five star resort with the charm of a mountain getaway. Just my style.

In House Food and Drink:

There aren’t any bars or restaurants at Cloud Camp per se, but the food and drink options are some of the most memorable parts of a stay. Cloud Camp is small and all inclusive — with five star dining and service at every meal. Breakfast, lunch, snacks and drinks are at your leisure while the multi-course dinner is served at the dreamy long table in the grand lodge.

I was hesitant at first about the group dinner as a solo traveler, but it quickly became one of my favorite parts of the experience. It’s the perfect place to meet new interesting people (just remember the altitude and don’t get too sloshed, because you will be seeing them the next day).

Amenities/Activities:

• Hiking
• Horseshoes
• Pickleball
• Lawn Games
• Crafts
• Archery Instruction
• Disc Golf
• Hot Tubs
• Bird Watching
• Stargazing
• Board Games
• Mule Rides
• Social Hours

Room Types:

There are a variety of room types at Cloud Camp — from lodge rooms to cabins to the ultimate bucket list experience: the fire tower suite. I was lucky enough to snag the fire tower suite on my first visit to Cloud Camp and it was unequivocally the most amazing stay I have ever experienced. Situated 145 steps above the main lodge, the fire tower suite has a private cedar hot tub that is carved into the foundation, and boasts two levels of living space — the bedroom and bathroom on one level and an observation deck/office on the top. There are wraparound windows and decks that provide 360 views into the Rocky Mountains and down into Colorado Springs.

Best Things to Do/Eat/Drink Within a 10 Minute Walk:

Cloud Camp is literally on the top of a mountain only accessible by private shuttle, hiking, or mules. But while that may seem like it would limit your options, it’s actually the exact opposite. There are several hiking trails that originate from the main lodge area, two cedar hot tubs that overlook the mountain vistas, a pickleball court (the 2nd highest in elevation of its kind in the country), mule rides, hammocks, archery, yoga and even cooking classes and crafts.

Remember what I said about adult summer camp? It’s starting to ring true, right?

Before you arrive a concierge connects with you to create an itinerary of activities or you can book them when you arrive. You can also cancel them all and just relax in the crisp mountain air with a glass of wine. There is no pressure here, which makes everything that much sweeter.

Best Things to Do/Eat/Drink Within a $20 Cab Ride:

You can’t take a cab from Cloud Camp, but if you are staying multiple days you aren’t exactly stuck on the mountain. You can arrange shuttles down to Colorado Springs and The Broadmoor Resort to golf at one of their three world renowned courses, dine at one of the eighteen in house restaurants, enjoy the spa or one of the other wilderness excursions (including a zip line course, falconry program, and fly fishing).

You can also spend some time exploring some of the most beautiful scenery in the country down below the mountain. It is just minutes fromGarden of the Gods park, and the cog railway up Pikes Peak.

Bed Game:

I don’t know if it was waking up for sunrise at 9,200 ft or the bed itself I was waking up on — but I had some of my best nights of sleep ever at Cloud Camp. The Broadmoor is known for luxury — it is rated as the number one hotel in Colorado and the sixth best resort in the United States — and that is apparent even in the more rustic cabins at Cloud Camp.

There is an attention to detail that is unmatched and it definitely extends to the beds, pillows, and linens.

Score: 10/10

Sexiness Rating:

Cloud Camp is definitely sexy (especially the fire tower suite), but the overall vibe to me is definitely more relaxed. Despite my dream of adult summer camp there are occasionally families who book a cabin so it’s not some sort of hedonistic playground in the sky.

Score: 8/10

Instagrammability:

When I post photos of Cloud Camp on Instagram I’m always surprised by how many people have never seen or heard of it. Because it is basically an Instagrammers dream. Everywhere you look is another sweeping Rocky Mountain vista ready to take your breath away. From the hot tubs seemingly in the middle of nowhere at over 9,000 ft. to the free flowing wine on the terrace overlooking the city lights — its view after view after view.

Score: 10/10

Best Season to Visit:

Due to the elevation, Cloud Camp is open seasonally, generally April through November. I have only visited in the fall, and I have to recommend it. There are cooler temps and the aspens put on a beautiful show turning from green to gold. But at the extremely high elevation, there will always be weather-related surprises — so you do have to prepare for anything, especially in the shoulder seasons.

If I Had to Complain About One Thing:

It’s only open seasonally. I would love to visit in the winter after a fresh snow and warm up by the fire. It’s also fairly expensive, but you get a lot — lodging, transportation, activities, food and drinks (even tips!) — are all included on the bill. When you consider the cost for two people it is more than fair, but for one it could be a stretch.

Definitely a spot for a special occasion planned further in advance.

Book Here:

Cloud Camp is booking for next season here. It fills up fast so make your plans now.

Room Rate: $950-$1200/ night, all-inclusive.

Instagram Images Taken at Cloud Camp:

If you haven’t kept up with the latest QAnon shenanigans, well, no one could blame you. They’re a very active bunch, and it’s hard to keep up, but let’s talk about the latest mess. Earlier this week, those cultists gathered in downtown Dallas, where they were convinced that JFK Jr. (who died in a 1999 plane crash) was going to show up and proclaim himself a Trump follower and a VP candidate for the Trump-Kennedy 2024 ticket. I mean, sure. No one can talk any sense into anyone who actually believes that, but of course, JFK Jr. did not materialize on the scene.

Not to be deterred, the QAnon followers decided that JFK Jr. would instead surface at a Rolling Stones concert in Dallas. Well, that did not happen either, but they’re not giving up. Instead, they’ve hatched more theories as relayed by the Rolling Stone publication, and somehow, these thoughts are growing ever more outlandish. All of the Dealey Plaza-gathered crowd declared that they didn’t believe that NASA’s sent anyone to the moon, and then someone whipped out a claim that MyPillow guy Mike Lindell is truly JFK Jr. in disguise. No, really:

[M]ultiple attendees at the Dealey Plaza gathering described their beliefs that various dead celebrities were secretly alive, either in a form of witness protection or living out their lives in sophisticated disguises. “Mike Lindell is actually JFK Jr. in a mask,” said a man named Greg, who said he was a military veteran. “They’re extremely sophisticated.”

These people seem fixated on JFK Jr. in particular, given that they’ve been expecting him to show up since July 4, 2019. And then came a transcript from a followup Telegram chat, in which members speculated that the Stones’ decision to play (their very popular classic song) “Sympathy for the Devil” was a signal, since the lyrics include, “I shouted out, who killed the Kennedys?/ When after all, it was you and me.”

Hmm, that really makes you think… something. Then there’s speculation that Mick Jagger looked “healthy” because he and Richards were “using ‘adrenochrome’ to stay virile, building on years of conspiratorial speculation about their ability to stay healthy despite their lifetime of libertine antics and hard drug use.” And that’s somehow tied to the long-running QAnon theory that “is basically a reformed version of the century-old anti-semitic ‘blood libel’ theory.” In other words, they’ve launched a conspiracy theory that certain rock stars “harvest their essential body fluids” from children.

Yikes. How do these cultists have so much energy? Someone needs to make up a conspiracy theory about that.

(Via Rolling Stone)

When you take a deep breath, it’s good to know what you’re breathing in. If living in the wildfire West has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t always rely on your nose to know how clean the air is. On really bad Air Quality Index (AQI) days, we see and smell smoke, but the AQI can still be unhealthy even if the air seems clear.

A new ProPublica analysis of data from the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) shows that some of us may be living in places with toxic air pollution from industrial chemicals and not know it. Air polluted with hazardous chemicals can cause various kinds of cancer, but until now it wasn’t simple to see what your own household risk was.

With ProPublica’s interactive, neighborhood-level map, now you can.

And you might want to—especially if you live in Texas, which apparently has a quarter of the 20 hot spots with the highest excess cancer risk. Nothing like getting rid of those pesky environmental regulations, eh?

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As explained in ProPublica’s article about the first-of-its-kind map:

“At the map’s intimate scale, it’s possible to see up close how a massive chemical plant near a high school in Port Neches, Texas, laces the air with benzene, an aromatic gas that can cause leukemia. Or how a manufacturing facility in New Castle, Delaware, for years blanketed a day care playground with ethylene oxide, a highly toxic chemical that can lead to lymphoma and breast cancer. Our analysis found that ethylene oxide is the biggest contributor to excess industrial cancer risk from air pollutants nationwide. Corporations across the United States, but especially in Texas and Louisiana, manufacture the colorless, odorless gas, which lingers in the air for months and is highly mutagenic, meaning it can alter DNA.”

Yeah. Not great.

Also not great is how people of color are more affected by toxic air pollution. ProPublica shared these statistics: “Census tracts where the majority of residents are people of color experience about 40% more cancer-causing industrial air pollution on average than tracts where the residents are mostly white. In predominantly Black census tracts, the estimated cancer risk from toxic air pollution is more than double that of majority-white tracts.”

After reviewing the map, Wayne Davis, an environmental scientist formerly with the EPA’s Office of Chemical Safety and Pollution Prevention, told ProPublica, “The public is going to learn that EPA allows a hell of a lot of pollution to occur that the public does not think is occurring.”

Most people’s air is within a safe range, but there are certain hot spots near industrial plants where cancer risk is many times higher than what the EPA deems acceptable. The EPA examines air pollution from certain types of facilities and industries in isolation, not taking into consideration how hazardous air might compound in a cluster of hot spots and put the people living near them at much higher risk.

Matthew Tejada, director of the EPA’s Office of Environmental Justice, told ProPublica it would take “working back through 50 years of environmental regulation in the United States, and unpacking and untying a whole series of knots” to address these high-risk hot spots.

The whole ProPublica report, which you can find here, is worth a read. You can access the interactive map here. (Scroll down a bit to find the bar to enter your city, zip code or street address.)

Dogs are keen observers of the human condition. They can become very attuned to our daily behaviors and have the ability to recognize our facial expressions. A dog’s amazing sense of smell also gives them a unique window into our health and emotions.

A dog’s sense of smell is up to 10,000 times more sensitive than a human’s. That gives them the ability to notice if we are ill by recognizing the changes in our body chemistry. They can also tell if we’re depressed by noticing changes in our feel-good hormone levels.

That’s why dogs are known for nuzzling up to people when they feel down.

A pair of dogs in England’s ability to know when something was wrong with their owner may have saved his life.

A 71-year-old man was walking his two dogs, a golden retriever and a black labrador, on Saturday when he became unconscious and collapsed. The man and the dogs were hiking through Braithwaite How, a mountain summit in the Cockermouth to Newlands region in the northern part of the country.

Braithwaite How has an elevation of 564 feet.

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After their owner fell to the ground, the two dogs broke up into a rescue team. The black labrador ran down the trail and found a hiker who had walked past them a few minutes before. The labrador barked and motioned for the woman to follow it down the trail.

While one dog was out getting help, the loyal golden retriever stayed by the man’s side to protect him and keep him company. How’s that for teamwork?

When the woman found the man, the golden retriever was right by his side. She then called the emergency number, 999, for assistance.

The dispatcher summoned the Keswick Mountain Rescue Team who sent out a team of 12 people. By the time they arrived, the man had regained consciousness and felt well enough to walk down the hill into an awaiting ambulance. He was then taken to the hospital for further checks.

The rescue team had to be amazed that his dogs were able to coordinate a two-dog rescue plan to keep him safe. They thanked them for their bravery on Facebook.

“Many thanks to the passing walker and the amazing dogs,” the rescue team wrote.

The man who collapsed did a good job in picking the right dogs to accompany him on a hike. Labradors are known to be one of the smartest dog breeds and the golden retriever, among the most loyal.

The smart labrador knew to run and find another human to help and the loyal golden retriever stayed by his side the whole time.

Let’s hope that both dogs got a bowl full of treats when they got home that night because they are a wonderful example of why dogs are known as “man’s best friend.”

“Old Marley was as dead as a doornail.”

Charles Dickens’ line from “A Christmas Carol” is probably the most famous example of the phrase “dead as a doornail,” but it’s certainly not the only one. Shakespeare used it in Henry IV Part 2: “Look on me well: I have eat no meat these five days; yet, come thou and thy five men, and if I do not leave you all as dead as a doornail, I pray God I may never eat grass more.” An unnamed poet used the idiom for the first time in print in a poem published in 1350, but it’s still not uncommon to hear it used today.

“Dead as a doornail” obviously means dead, deceased, definitively not alive. But why a doornail and not just a nail? All nails are dead by their nature of being metal, right? So why even use a nail at all? Why not “dead as a door” or “dead as a rock”? Those are dead, too. What makes a doornail specifically deader than other dead things?

There’s a surprisingly interesting answer to that question. As it turns out there really is a good reason for specifying a doornail to convey being really, truly dead.

YouTube creator Malcolm P.L., who mostly makes videos about the history of armor, shared an explanation as well as a demonstration of what a doornail actually is:

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So it turns out that a doornail isn’t just a nail in a door, but a nail that cannot be removed and reused. Way back when, nails were made by hand and quite valuable. People would salvage and repurpose nails whenever they could. The way doornails were bent and driven into the backside of a door made it virtually impossible for them to be reused as a nail.

So not only are doornails dead simply because they’re nails, but because their future potential for any other use is also dead. They are doubly dead, if you will. Extra deceased.

How many other idioms do we commonly use without knowing their full origins? Let the cat out of the bag? The whole nine yards? Spill the beans? Get someone’s goat?

Language is so fascinating. Time to do some Googling.

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Dallas jukebox pic.twitter.com/Dp2T1QMaMK

— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) October 22, 2021

I mean, the whole “when to start playing Christmas music” debate has been a source of contention for years. I personally cringe when November 1 rolls around and carols permeate the radio stations, but clearly this bar had an even stronger stance. The paper was tweeted by a critic for National Review. From there, the tweet went viral.

Those familiar to retail had a shared trauma response. “If you haven’t worked retail then let me explain.The song plays 50 times a day on the store radio from November 1 (maybe earlier) to December 25. It’s hell,” wrote one “victim.”

If you haven’t worked retail then let me explain.

The song plays 50 times a day on the store radio from November 1 (maybe earlier) to December 25.

It’s hell.

— Tet (@765Tet) November 3, 2021

Another (soon to be divorced) man wrote: “I need to print this out for my wife,” which received the prompt response of “How about you let your wife enjoy things she likes before she decides you aren’t one of those things?” Yup, holiday drama is already coming in hot.

One Twitter user responded with “Is this the war on Christmas I’ve heard about?” which caught the attention of Carey herself.

Carey’s response? In a word, iconic. The pop singer posted a photo of herself from a 2015 ad for the mobile video game “Game of War,” completely decked out in battle armor and holding a sword. Move over Xena, there’s a new warrior princess in town. And she’s ready to defend her Christmas kingdom.

https://t.co/FMk3NERimD pic.twitter.com/teGgY45mcj

— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) October 28, 2021

Carey was quick to garner support from her fans. Like this person, asking where to join her army.

Where can I join your army? pic.twitter.com/fBcV5cwiXM

— Jess {fan acc} (@britneyxmariah) October 28, 2021

Another wrote “me on my way to fight for the queen” accompanied by a video of Carey on a jet plane and singing yet another holiday song. That’s some kind of allegiance, if you ask me.

me on my way to fight for the queen 👑 🎉 🎄⚔️ 🐑 🦋 🐑 🌬

pic.twitter.com/jfmTqeiKcH

— m (@likeadisguise) October 28, 2021

Carey posted another video on Instagram, showing three jack-o-lanterns sitting in a row with the words “it’s not time.” Scary, sinister music plays and a bell tolls. Carey, wearing a sparkly red gown and sky high heels sneaks in through a door holding a giant candy cane the size of a baseball bat (you might see where this is going). With a swing of her candy cane, Mariah destroys one of the pumpkins, changing the message to “it’s time” while her famous-slash-infamous song plays. If a war on Christmas is what they want, a war on Christmas is what they’ll get.

This got even more fan responses, including the person who wrote, in all caps, “MARIAH INVENTED CHRISTMAS.” Not historically accurate, but the sentiment is palpable.

If you think that’s something, check out the other Twitter user who wrote “SHE IS CHRISTMAS SHE IS SANTA SHE IS THE GODDAMN TREE.” Seriously, don’t mess with Mariah fans.

Though that one bar in Texas might have won the battle, the victor in this War for Christmas is still Queen Mariah, most definitely. She’s already promoting her new Apple TV special “Mariah’s Christmas: The Magic Continues,” following up last year’s “Mariah Carey’s Magical Christmas Special.” Which might be maddening to some, but to many, it embodies a fun, cheeky, more modern way to invite the holiday spirit. And hey, at least you know TV specials don’t play on repeat while you do your Christmas shopping…

Tucker Carlson generally makes headlines for his adversarial stances, including this week’s admission that he’s never actually understood critical race theory, despite complaining about it for the better part of a year. Strangely enough, however, news has surfaced surrounding a medical procedure that reportedly went down on that the same day of that declaration. Page Six reported in their “We Hear” column that Tucker underwent Carlson reportedly had been ailing for “several weeks,” and one of his producers drove him to the hospital on Tuesday night following election night coverage. He had surgery early Wednesday and popped back on the Fox News airwaves by Wednesday evening, and throughout all of this, he never missed a show.

Vice reports more details via its Motherboard blog, which reported that Tucker described the incident as “one of the most traumatic things that’s ever happened to me in my whole life, ever.” Details on what prompted the severe back pain remain unclear, but here’s more from Vice, including statement from Fox News:

“Tucker Carlson had emergency back surgery yesterday and did the show anyway. He thanks all those who tuned in and watched closely.” But before Wednesday night’s broadcast of his Tucker Carlson Tonight program, Carlson–who by all accounts doesn’t drink or use drugs–spoke in detail on set to his production team about what he experienced, and said that because he was treated with intravenous fentanyl and other powerful painkillers, he now understands America’s opioid crisis in a deeper way.

Perhaps we’ll hear more from Tucker on-air, although one thing is clear: if Tucker wants to talk about it, he will talk, and if he doesn’t (as with his vaccination status), then we won’t hear anything at all.

(Via Page Six & Vice)

Wes Anderson movies: we love to rank them, don’t we, folks? It’s both one of the most hack listicles a movie writer could write, but also dishonest not to write. Sure, I could pretend I’m above it; that I’m better than ranking Wes Anderson movies, that I can simply enjoy things without assigning numbers to them. But let’s be honest, I’m 100% not above that. I’ve seen them all, I have strong opinions, and pretending otherwise would just be an affectation. KNIFE FIGHT ME, COWARDS! Meet me behind the internet at dawn.

It’s fair to say that I have a love/hate relationship with Wes Anderson movies, as I do with most things smug and overeducated (for the simple reason that I’m both but I try not to be). I get about as fed up with his precious, fussy, practiced kitsch as any inveterate Wes Anderson hater. Yet I still find myself mostly enjoying all his movies, even when parts of them press hard on my gag reflex. Once you reach a certain level of liberal arts education I believe you’re simply powerless to resist Wes Anderson’s bullshit.

Or maybe it’s that he’s usually just vulgar enough — think the vagina painting in Grand Budapest Hotel, Max Fischer bragging about handjobs — that I forgive him for being so twee, and for probably being the reason I ever learned the word “twee.” Whatever you think of him, he’s one of the most easily parodied directors working, possibly the most easily parodied director that ever lived. He wears his tics on his tweed sleeves, with an instantly recognizable style (a “shtick,” one might even call it), and a list of interests and affinities that seems to carry through all of his movies.

Having seen them all at least once, here is an incomplete list of things that Wes Anderson loves:

Mustaches
Uniforms
Warm colors
Centered frames
Mid-century modern styling
Precocious children
Yellow text
Overwrought prose
Little kids falling in love
Lists
Child-like drawings
Sons desperately trying to please emotionally withholding father figures
Precocious boys desperately trying to please female authority figures whom they are also horny for
Berets
India
France
Rascals
Hucksters
Bureaucratic jargon
Motorcycles with sidecars
Trains
Harpsichord music
German convertibles
Social clubs
Pun names
Girls with too much eye make-up
Men with interesting noses
Men with bandaged noses
Man servants
Pets
Funerals

Now then. Let’s begin:

9. The Darjeeling Limited (2007)

This was always one of my least favorite Wes Anderson movies, so I rewatched it this week to see if maybe I had been wrong about it. While there are definitely things to love, it still feels somehow both overlong and incomplete, even clocking in at barely 90 minutes.

Jason Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, and Adrien Brody (the unique nose crew, I call them) play three brothers who have come to India following the death of their father (Bill Murray, in the briefest of flashbacks) for a journey of self-discovery and also to track down their mother, played by Anjelica Huston. The Darjeeling Limited is the name of the train on which they travel.

A trip through India on a train is, visually, a perfect Wes Anderson setting: colorful, retro, and orientalist, but there’s something shallow about the whole endeavor. The scene in which the boys try to save three Indian boys from a rushing river and one of them drowns seems to confirm this shallowness. A little boy drowning as an emotional anchor for Adrien Brody’s disaffected rich guy with daddy issues? It mostly just ends up being offputting. Irrfan Khan gets 15 seconds of screentime and then the boys just sort of carry on trying to figure out their family, with a father we never really learn much about and a mother who has fled to Tibet to live at a monastery.

What the hell was the deal with that mom, anyway? It seems like Anderson may have had some kind of emotional reckoning planned but couldn’t quite make it come together. So instead we’re left delving the emotional issues of a family that feels remote and a little esoteric. I don’t quite relate and just sort of leave feeling, “Rich people sure are weird, aren’t they?”

8. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Moonrise Kingdom is perhaps Wes Anderson’s most mixed bag. A story about a delinquent-ish “khaki scout” who goes AWOL with a raccoon-eyed Francophile girl on the fictional New England island of “New Penzance” (always with the fucking pun names), Moonrise Kingdom is a film with a promising opening and a glorious crescendo at the end that forces us to watch a lot of pre-pubescent love in between. The ending, set amidst a massive storm as foreshadowed by The Flood, an opera the local children are staging, is so magnificent, and yet the love story it bookends feels like a Hallmark movie sponsored by Stella Artois.

Coming on the heels of The Life Aquatic, Darjeeling Limited, and Fantastic Mr. Fox, three movies that feel like Anderson doing his best to expand his repertoire, Moonrise Kingdom always felt to me like Anderson going back to the well. The story feels a little like the Royal Tenenbaums subplot where Margot and Richie run away to the museum stretched into an entire film. Only it doesn’t work as well, because Margot and Richie we knew as adults. Sam and Suzy are just two little kids.

And yet… those actors. That setting. The ending. It’s hard to hate entirely. Wes Anderson’s ability to stage a genuinely heartfelt finale always saves him in the end.

7. Isle Of Dogs (2018)

Another movie where a kid with a drawn-on mustache falls in love with a kooky blonde? Jesus, man, see a shrink.

This movie came out just three years ago and yet I barely remember anything about it, other than that it was still mostly a good time. Animation does have a freeing effect on Wes Anderson. In some ways, it even feels like his true form. He can just stick characters exactly where he wants them for the sake of his picture-book compositions without having to worry about constraining the actors and making their performances seem awkward or stilted.

In that sense, Isle Of Dogs was fun, it looked cool, and it had lots of dog jokes, which is something you can get away within a movie called “Isle Of Dogs.” Still, it felt more like a bloated short than a feature in its own right. I’m not sure if that’s a failing on Wes Anderson’s part or on the film business as a whole, for their fairly rigid notions of what constitutes a feature. Isle of Dogs clocked in at 90 minutes, when the content only justified about 70.

And that would’ve been great! The world could use more 70-minute features.

6. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004)

Life Aquatic is arguably the hardest film on this list to fit into a ranking. In one sense, it feels like Anderson taking big swings, making admirably bold narrative choices, even if they don’t always work out. It’s also the only Wes Anderson movie that, on some level, I plain don’t get. Even with The Darjeeling Limited, I think I have a sense of what he was trying to accomplish.

I have some very basic questions about Life Aquatic. When is it even supposed to be set? The film tells the story of Steve Zissou, clearly inspired by Jacques Cousteau (the red cap, the “Zissou Society”) but also with Zissou intended as the down-on-his-luck Salieri to a more famous Cousteau-type played by Jeff Goldblum. Clearly, the sets and tech and costumes are all 1970s-inspired, but Zissou is also a deliberate anachronism. He’s exactly the kind of character who would have out-of-date clothes and equipment. Does that mean The Life Aquatic is set in the eighties? The 90s? In 2004, when it came out? Does it matter?

There’s also the stop-motion animated animals. In an otherwise realistic-ish, live-action film about dueling sea explorers, the sea creatures themselves are almost purposefully unrealistic. The animated “sugar crabs,” the “crayon ponyfish,” “electric jellyfish,” and Zissou’s Ahab-esque obsession, the “Jaguar Shark,” they all feel a bit like Jim Henson-esque psychedelia. Which is… fine? Except the rest of the movie mostly isn’t that. And Wes Anderson doesn’t really seem like a “drug guy.” Meanwhile, there are real orcas and more real-looking dolphins (that the dolphins aren’t very smart or useful is one of Life Aquatic‘s better running jokes).

Anderson also seems to have just let the actors do whatever silly accent they wanted, from Owen Wilson’s antebellum southerner (supposedly a modern man from Kentucky) to Willem Dafoe’s German to Cate Blanchett’s Brit Girl Friday. Seu Jorge plays an ever-present intern who sings David Bowie songs in Portuguese, a character who seems to exist solely for vibes. The Life Aquatic combines expensive, incredibly complex and refined production design with a story that feels like a group of excitable high schoolers are making it up as they go along.

I enjoy the mushroom-trip qualities of Life Aquatic, its exuberant surrealism, its deadpan jokes — but every time it tries to do scenes with life-and-death stakes it falls flat. Are we even watching the film’s objective reality or is this all filtered through Steve Zissou’s addled mind somehow? Wes Anderson should probably just take the Dogme 95 pledge and never film another gunfight or murder.

5. Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

The end credits of Grand Budapest Hotel read “inspired by the writings of Stefan Zweig.”

This week I finally started reading Zweig’s The World Of Yesterday: Memoirs Of A European. Written by a Jewish writer from Vienna who was born in the Belle Epoque and lived to see two world wars, it consists of romantic musings by an author who grew up in a place that no longer exists. Zweig, who killed himself in 1942, is so eloquent but open-eyed about his childhood, both nostalgic for and critical of a time period that seems so many generations past but that he actually lived through. It’s romantic and heartbreaking, and reading it made me feel like I finally understood exactly what Anderson was going for in Grand Budapest Hotel. It also brings into focus all the ways the movie falls short.

Visually, it’s certainly one of Anderson’s best. It’d be hard to think of a more ideal setting for his particular talents than an Alpine spa in inter-war Europe. The story is framed around a present-day monument to a European writer, presumably a fictionalized Zweig. Tom Wilkinson plays this author at one point, narrating one frame of the story, with Jude Law as the author’s younger incarnation, pressing aging hotelier “Mr. Moustafa” (F. Murray Abraham) for his story in the post-war years in another frame. This frame in turn leads into a flashback to Mr. Moustafa as a young Lobby Boy named Zero (played by Tony Revelori) being mentored by the hotel’s squirrely concierge, M. Gustave (Ralph Fiennes). This is back in the 1930s, when the bulk of the story takes place.

The F. Murray Abraham frame is by far the strongest. Abraham has the perfect face and voice for conveying that sense of intense sadness and loss, while filtering it through a mask of elaborate Victorian manners and restraint. The abrupt way his tale of M. Gustave ends — “What happened to him? Well, they shot him, of course” — hits like an emotional gut-punch (Anderson is generally very good at endings, truly a rare skill).

Yet GBH is also, unfortunately, glib and cutesy. M. Gustave actually seems a lot like Mr. Norris, a vain and effeminate huckster in 1930s Berlin created by another inter-war writer, Christopher Isherwood, who likewise lived through those decadent years that gave us the Nazis. Like Norris, Gustave is a courtly bullshitter, and there are times Anderson gets so lost in Gustave’s flowery nonsense that it drags down the film. There’s a lengthy subplot about Gustave inheriting a piece of famous artwork from a widow played by Tilda Swinton, leading to a wacky prison break and eventually a droll shoot-out, in a film that should be neither wacky nor droll. Farcical, maybe, but not zany.

Meanwhile, Zero has a fake mustache he draws on every morning and his girlfriend (Saoirse Ronan) has a birthmark on her cheek shaped like Mexico. Probably the two most infuriatingly cute elements of any Wes Anderson film. Couldn’t we have gotten more of Jude Law and F. Murray Abraham? Of Edward Norton’s reluctant fascist? You can occasionally see what Grand Budapest Hotel is going for, and it’s wonderful, but when it misses it’s excruciating.

4. Bottle Rocket (1996)

I had this ranked much lower last time I wrote these rankings, but I rewatched it again and… I don’t want to say I was wrong about it before but I think I was unfair in some ways? Maybe I was overly influenced by the number of people I hear say this is their favorite Wes Anderson movie. Which to me is mostly just another way of saying “I liked him before he was cool.”

That aspect of it aside, Bottle Rocket is, essentially, Wes Anderson’s origin story in the business. It all started with a short film written by Anderson and Owen Wilson:

Mr. Wilson and Mr. Anderson, who had met in a playwriting class at the University of Texas at Dallas, were sharing an apartment when they decided to make a movie. Their original plan was to shoot a 16-millimeter black-and-white feature. Thirteen minutes of film and $10,000 later, they were broke. So they decided to call what they had of “Bottle Rocket” a short and submit it to the Sundance Film Festival, where it was shown in 1993. –New York Times, February 4, 1996

After that, nothing happened for a while, until they eventually found a champion in Peter Bogdanovich’s ex-wife and former producing partner, Polly Platt.

The screenwriter L. M. Kit Carson, a friend of the Wilson family, had sent the “Bottle Rocket” script and a video of the short to the producer Barbara Boyle, who in turn sent the material to Ms. Platt. Ms. Platt, a successful producer and production designer, was then the executive vice president of Gracie Films, Mr. Brooks’s production company. Under an arrangement with Columbia Pictures, the studio had agreed to finance a low-budget feature of Mr. Brooks’s choice. When Ms. Platt found “Bottle Rocket,” she knew she had the movie.

“Mr. Brooks,” of course, was Oscar-winner, Simpsons executive producer, etc James L. Brooks. This is one of those stories that seems to illustrate why any good movie ever getting made at all is damn near a miracle. Wes Anderson, now recognized as precocious and polished an artist that ever lived, managed to scrape together $10 grand to make a short, managed to get it into Sundance, and even after all of that, he was lucky that he just happened to know someone who knew a producer who knew another producer who worked for James L. Brooks. Who, luckily, loved the short and agreed to expand it into a feature. A feature that ultimately grossed just over half a million dollars in 49 theaters, having been seen by dozens of people. Don’t kid yourself, this making movies shit is hard.

Aaaanyway, the movie. Bottle Rocket was Anderson’s first feature and lowest budget, and because of these logistical challenges, it’s clear that he didn’t have the time and money that he would have on later films to meticulously plan every composition. For other filmmakers, this might be a bad thing, but with Wes Anderson, it might be a benefit. He didn’t have the time or money to be so fussy. Characters seemed to have more freedom to just act naturally, rather than try to fit themselves into some elaborately choreographed camera move.

The feature version cost just $5 million to make and James Caan, who had a small part, was the most famous actor in it. Caan plays “Mr. Henry,” an older eccentric, idolized by Wilson’s Dignan, who Caan’s character later double-crosses (they originally wanted a director for the role, Tarantino or Oliver Stone or Peter Bogdanovich). If Bottle Rocket had been made after Wes Anderson was already famous you can imagine them spending at least half that $5 million just on the sets for James Caan’s character alone. Instead, Anderson had to convey Mr. Henry’s faux worldiness with a shell necklace, one stuffed ocelot, and a sort of modernist-looking couch. Mr. Henry ends up seeming like a character out of a Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite) movie, or early Danny McBride. That makes Bottle Rocket feel a little like Trader Joe’s Wes Anderson, made back when he was an artiste but still living in Texas, with caviar tastes on a burrito budget.

The rest of the plot is about Dignan trying to convince Luke Wilson’s Anthony, whom he “breaks out” of a mental hospital (Anthony was always free to go) in the first scene, to do harebrained heists with him. As always with Wes Anderson, there is a decided lack of stakes in the heist scenes. In real life, it would’ve probably ended with Dignan getting shot 37 times by Texas cops.

Mostly, Bottle Rocket feels like what it is: a promising first effort by a future auteur more than a masterpiece in its own right. It’s strong on memorable images and enjoyable dialogue, but you also get the sense Anderson and the Wilson’s spent a lot more time thinking about what would be cool for these characters to do than who they were.

I hear Royal Tenenbaum asking “Characters? What characters? All I saw were a bunch of little kids running around in costumes,” so many times while watching Wes Anderson movies that I wonder whether the line actually grew out of Anderson’s own self-criticism.

3. Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

It seems to me that there are two types of Wes Anderson movies, Grand Statement Wes Anderson and Playtime Wes Anderson. He tends to alternate between the two. Fantastic Mr. Fox, coming just after The Darjeeling Limited definitely feels like Playtime Wes Anderson, an attempt to do something light after something heavy. And it works. Wes Anderson’s style might not be the ideal fit for Indian boys drowning or the rise of Fascism, but it does seem very well-suited for a story that asks “What if there was a rascally fox?”

There’s also an obvious advantage to Wes Anderson doing animation: he doesn’t have to worry about actors struggling to seem natural while moving about in highly choreographed ways for very specific compositions. In that way, Fantastic Mr. Fox combines the breezy casualness of Bottle Rocket with the elaborate compositions and ornate production design of The Life Aquatic. There isn’t much about Fantastic Mr. Fox that has necessarily stuck with me, thematically, but it sticks out in my mind as a fun time at the movies, and that’s enough.

2. The French Dispatch (2021)

In my mind, this is my favorite Wes Anderson movie. The only reason I don’t have it higher is that I just saw it, and without any distance from it it’s hard to know what how much of it will stay with me five or six years from now.

But right now, Bill Murray’s character’s exhortation to his staff at the French Dispatch, “Whatever you write, just try to make it seem like you did it on purpose” is echoing around my head the way Royal Tenenbaum’s line about little kids in costumes has been for the last 20 years. It’s another perfect Wes Anderson line that doubles as an apt criticism of Wes Anderson movies. I spent half of Life Aquatic wondering “did he mean to do that?”

Told in the form of newspaper sections separated by title cards, The French Dispatch is a kind anthology, a collection of shorter stories a la The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs. Like Buster Scruggs, the French Dispatch‘s episodic structure feels more revealing of its creator than a single storyline would’ve been, bringing all of their pet themes into sharper focus. It’s genuinely horny where some Wes Anderson movies are merely cute, vulnerable where others deflect, heartfelt where others are dry, and above all, it’s a map of Wes Anderson’s three primary obsessions: trying to fuck, trying to please a withholding father figure, and trying to please an authoritarian mother figure (who you also want to fuck).

Because it’s told in the form of a newspaper with a team of overly-enthusiastic writers, it’s also something of a love letter to overwrought prose. Wes Anderson is never funnier than when he’s satirizing overwrought prose.

1. Rushmore (1998)

1. Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

It’s always tough for me to choose between Rushmore and Royal Tenenbaums (both co-written with Owen Wilson). They represent the yin-yang of Wes Anderson obsessions. Rushmore is about a precocious, artistic youth. Royal Tenenbaums is about precocious, artistic youths all grown up. Rushmore is about a protagonist trying to screw his teacher. Royal Tenenbaums is about a withholding father figure. Rushmore has two of Wes Anderson’s best characters, Max Fischer and Herman Blume. Royal Tenenbaums has the other two, Royal Tenenbaum and Eli Cash.

Tonally, Rushmore is Wes Anderson’s best movie. It has an anarchic spirit that some of the others lack. Max Fischer is such a perfect shithead that he might be the world’s only punk rock Little Lord Fauntleroy. It has some of Andersonia’s most memorable images, like Bill Murray ascending a diving board with a scotch and a cigarette, and Max Fischer’s towheaded protege (remember what I said about Wes Anderson loving manservants?) hocking a looch on the hood of Herman Blume’s car. The exchange “These are OR scrubs, Max.” “Oh, are they?” might be the best dumb joke in any Anderson movie.

Then again, Royal Tenenbaums has Richie Tenenbaum’s tennis meltdown. It has Royal Tenenbaum shitting on his daughter’s play, and it has Eli Cash the hack novelist, easily the best Wilson-brother character in the Anderson canon.

The phrases “what my book presupposes is, maybe he didn’t?” and “Characters? What characters?” are basically seared into my brain for all eternity.

Certainly, both have their flaws. Royal Tenenbaums is stilted at times, and I probably could’ve done without the Dalmatian mice. It has characters your most obnoxious friend has probably dressed as for Halloween at least once. Rushmore is gimmicky at times, and the Scottish bully feels like he escaped from a different, worse 90s comedy. Tenenbaums drags more in the middle, but crushes harder in the ending.

I go back and forth, but as of today, I’m calling this fight a draw.

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.