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Confidence isn’t something that’s difficult for Los Angeles singer-songwriter Sunni Colon to conjure. He knows he’s talented but isn’t overly verbose about it. It’s refreshing for an artist to find what feels like a balance of boastfulness and humility. Plus, it doesn’t come without a level of credibility — with a degree in civil engineering from California State University, Long Beach, Sunni is able to use his understanding of space to serve as an architect for multimedia world-building.

Sunni thinks of himself as more than just a musician — he’s also an artist, a film director, and an innovator. Amongst collaboration credits with artists like Kaytranada and SebastiAn, Sunni has also contributed his signature silky ’70s R&B vibe to the soundtracks for TV shows and films like Insecure, Dear White People, and HBO’s Ballers. “The dream for me was to be in this position right now,” Sunni told Uproxx while on set for his photoshoot as a part of The Next 9 by Porsche. “My biggest dream, as a musician, is to be the greatest musician of all time. And it doesn’t have to be now, while I’m alive. It can be once I’m transported to another place. Five years from today, hopefully, I can put other people in [similar] positions.”

To get into the creative headspace, Sunni makes a point to talk to someone he admires every day, whether that be a friend, his parents, or one of his siblings. Finding inspiration from other individuals has enabled and empowered Sunni to branch out from music into other artist spaces, including film and graphic design. He even started a design agency in 2017 called Testu with a mission to create enveloping and immersive soundscape experiences. “I do love design,” he explains. “I love being able to be innovative, and inspire other folks by their viewpoint of design, break rules, and show other approaches to design and creation.”

All of these seemingly disparate influences both inform and work in tandem with one another to create a singular Sunni Colon universe.

Sunni’s multifaceted creative approach lends itself perfectly to his inclusion amongst these other innovators and trailblazers in The Next 9. It’s not difficult to picture someone listening to Sunni’s music while driving a Porsche, but it’s also not difficult to understand how Sunni the artist thinks about his work in a similar way to Porsche designers think about their own work. “I love Porsche,” he notes, excitedly. “I feel like we live on parallel planes as far as what they’ve been standing for since the beginning of the automotive industry. I think Porsche has always been about legacy and longevity, originality. Porsche has always been innovative. They’ve always created literally the best sports cars in the world. And in my industry, I strive to do the same.”

Listening to Sunni Colon’s music and engaging with his visual work, it’s clear to see that he is working toward a North Star, one that will continue to elevate the singer-songwriter.

“I want my legacy to be that I’ve always been the individual that I am always been, staying original to what I want to do.”

For more on The Next 9 series, check out our hub page.

Love Actually is part of the Christmas movie canon (even though it’s not very good), and the film’s most memorable moment involves Keira Knightley, Andrew Lincoln in his pre-Rick Grimes era, and a bunch of notecards. The scene has been parodied a million times, including by Saturday Night Live, Dua Lipa, and Gritty, and it also inspired a “creepy” encounter between Knightley and an overzealous fan of the romantic-comedy.

“I did actually get stuck in traffic once and someone in the car next to me did the whole sign thing,” the actress told Yahoo! Entertainment while discussing Love Actually‘s legacy. “It was quite creepy, but it was also quite [laughs]… It was a bit awkward being stuck in traffic next it. But it was also quite sweet, there was nothing [scary].” Knightley added, “[It was] creepy, yeah [laughs]. I mean, it would have been much better if I could have just driven straight off, but I couldn’t. We were very much stuck there for awhile.”

Knightley should have responded to the fan with a notecard that read, “To Me, You Are Creepy.” It’s what Lincoln probably would have done.

“He is a stalker,” the actor said about his character. “That was my question to [director] Richard Curtis, ‘Do you not think we’re sort of borderline stalker territory here?’ And he said, ‘No, no. Not with you playing it, darling. You’ll be alright.’” Richard Curtis was wrong (not for the first time, either).

(Via Yahoo! Entertainment)

HBO Max’s R-rated Santa Inc., a stop-motion animated series about an elf voiced by Sarah Silverman who wants to become the first female Santa, has a three percent audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s not good. Over on IMDb, it has an even worse rating of 1.1 out of 10. Either Santa Inc. is bad, or it’s pissing off the right people.

Seth Rogen think it’s the latter.

“We really pissed off tens of thousands of white supremacists with our new show #SantaInc which is now available on HBOMAX!” Rogen, who voices Santa in the eight-episode series, tweeted, adding, “Please read the responses to this tweet for confirmation.” You should absolutely not do that, because here’s what you’ll find:

There are only a few professional reviews of Santa Inc. out there, but the ones that do exist are not exactly positive (“In elevating itself above its subject matter, Santa Inc. ends up feeling dour and heavy, a televised lump of coal,” reads the Variety review). But it’s hard to believe that the show is “three percent on Rotten Tomatoes”-level bad, considering the talent involved. There is likely some level of review-bombing afoot.

“What happens when you get together 2 of Hollywood’s most disliked actors? This monstrosity. I must admit, I did not watch the whole series, but I saw enough to beg able to review it,” reads one of the top reviews on IMDb. “What is wrong with Hollywood? Seriously, I just dont get it. Why must politics be brought into EVERYTHING today? Why must race be brought into EVERYTHING today? Today’s generation has enough issues to deal with….but the media and Hollywood are making them even worse.” The Rotten Tomatoes reviews are equally full of words like “Hollywood” and “woke.”

Silverman also tweeted about the response to Santa Inc.:

You can judge for yourself on HBO Max.

Through the first 18 games of his career, Scottie Barnes took 19 threes and knocked down five of them. Over his past three games, he’s taken 21 long balls and connected on ten. Reportedly, that shift is partly the result of Toronto Raptors head coach Nick Nurse encouraging the tantalizing rookie to let it fly from deep more often.

As Fred VanVleet views that dynamic, Barnes’ willingness to heed said advice indicates Barnes possesses the most important traits for improvement.

“I think it just speaks to being accountable and being coachable, and that’s part of the thing that you don’t really talk about a lot,” he said. “We are very pampered, spoiled guys and we make a lot of money, and everybody in our world is telling us how great we are, but sometimes, you gotta have people to tell you the truth and you’ve gotta be able to accept that.”

“Whether that’s Nick pulling him after he threw a crazy behind-the-back pass or telling to shoot more, he steps up and he looks like he’s been shooting all his life. … Being accountable and being coachable, and that’s the best way to improve.”

VanVleet’s growth curve during his NBA tenure is starkly impressive, so clearly, he’s well-versed in what’s required to improve in this league and with the Raptors organization. Barnes is off to a tremendous start in his career and looks as though he’s already adding parts to his game and is receptive to coaching to become even better.

The HBO dramedy series Insecure has offered a wealth of beautiful new music thanks to its soundtrack curated by show creator/star Issa Rae, with each season featuring tunes from R&B and hip-hop’s bounty of rising stars. The current season is the fifth and final one of the show, but it’s keeping that proud tradition alive, offering tracks like Mereba’s “Glock Peaceful,” Saweetie’s “Get It Girl,” and now, Thundercat’s moody “Satellite” featuring avant-garde pop songwriter Genevieve Artadi and instrumentalist Louis Cole, collectively known as (ahem) Knower.

It’s a groovy track shot through with an undercurrent of melancholy, which makes it a perfect representation of the show’s final season. While Thundercat sings “it’s gonna be alright,” there’s a strain to both his delivery and the counterpoint offered by the ghostly production that suggests a strong, unspoken “but.” The show’s characters are certainly feeling this way now — Issa’s BLOCC business is finally flourishing but that brings its own array of complications. And although Molly’s found her footing at her law firm, she’s still looking for love — on her terms — while dealing with her aging parents’ failing health and the need to be their hypercompetent hero. Then, there’s Lawrence.

Anyway, listen to Thundercat’s “Satellite” above and catch the final season of Insecure Sundays on HBO.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

After teasing Magic Mike fans last month, HBO Max has finally whipped out the full trailer for Finding Magic Mike, a new reality competition series from executive producers Channing Tatum and Steven Soderbergh. While the original Magic Mike and director will remain behind the scenes, Adam Rodriguez, who starred in the first film and its sequel Magic Mike: XXL, will be handling hosting duties. Joining him will be guests Whitney Cummings, Nicole Scherzinger, and Nikki Glaser (who is getting used to working with muscle bound dudes thanks to her stint on FBoy Island).

In the new trailer for Finding Magic Mike, the contestants put it all out there not just from the waist down, but emotionally and physically as well. The dance routines are no joke — despite the presence of the top female comedians — and the trailer makes it clear that not landing a move just right can have dangerous results. Channing Tatum (who will soon appear in Magic Mike’s Last Dance) made it look easy on the big screen, but these fellas are about to find out that having a tight six-pack isn’t even half the battle.

Here’s the official logline:

Ten regular guys who have “lost their magic” are put through the paces of a Magic Mike Live bootcamp, baring their souls – and more – as they learn to perform sexy and daring dance routines with one being crowned the real Magic Mike. The winner will pocket a cash prize.

Finding Magic Mike will work its abs all over HBO Max on December 16.

Neil Olshey‘s tenure as the general manager and president of basketball operations for the Portland Trail Blazers has come to an end. The team announced on Friday afternoon that the previously-announced independent investigation into “concerns and complaints around our workplace environment at the practice facility” had come to an end, and because of its findings, Olshey had been immediately terminated.

The team stressed that it would not discuss the findings of the investigation “out of respect for those who candidly participated,” and announced that director of player personnel Joe Cronin will take the reins as general manager in the interim as the franchise works to find a permanent replacement. Jake Fischer of Bleacher Report indicated that a pair of former NBA players who have made the transition to working in front offices are among those who will be considered for the role.

A bombshell report by Chris Haynes of Yahoo Sports indicated that the franchise was going to authorize an investigation due to “10 years of mistreatment leading to mental and physical stress” by Olshey, which led to a toxic work environment under his watch. After starting his front office career with the Los Angeles Clippers, Olshey joined the Portland Trail Blazers as the franchise’s general manger ahead of the 2012 NBA season.

In June this year, Polo G earned his first-ever no. 1 album with Hall Of Fame, his third studio album featuring appearances from The Kid Laroi, Lil Wayne, Roddy Ricch, Young Thug, and more. Today, a little under six months later, he’s followed up with the deluxe edition, Hall Of Fame 2.0, looking to extend the shelf life of his hit album through the end of the year.

To mark the release, he’s also dropped the Ryan Lynch-directed video for “Young N Dumb,” one of the 14 new tracks that appear on the deluxe edition. In the video, Polo and his crew visit fallen friends at the cemetery and share an introspective walk on the beach.

Along with “Young N Dumb,” the new version of the album also includes the Michael Jackson-sampling “Bad Man (Smooth Criminal)” and the NLE Choppa-featuring “Jumpin.” The new tracks also include appearances from Lil Baby, Lil Tjay, Moneybagg Yo, and YungLiV, marking reunions for Polo with both Lil Baby, with whom he released “3 Headed Goat” last year alongside Lil Durk, and Lil Tjay, who appeared on Polo’s breakout 2019 single “Pop Out.”

Watch Polo G’s “Young N Dumb” video above.

Hall Of Fame 2.0 is out now via Columbia Records. You can stream it here.

Over the past few months, Joyner Lucas has greatly expanded his collaboration pool and the results largely speak for themselves. Beginning in April this year, the formerly iconoclastic Joyner began working with some of hip-hop’s hottest names including Lil Baby (“Ramen & OJ“), Rick Ross (“Legend“), Lil Tjay (“Dreams Unfold“), J. Cole (“Your Heart“), and Ty Dolla Sign (“Late To The Party“). Today, he continues that streak by tapping Chicago’s Lil Durk for the boastful “Rambo.”

On “Rambo,” Durk and Joyner keep things simple, employing the obvious metaphor of comparing the titular film character’s prowess with firearms to their own rap skills — although it could be argued that Durk is talking about the actual weaponry he has amassed over the years, considering his usual content. “I got the sniper on top of the roof,” Joyner brags on the hook. “You’ll never hear when I shoot.”

Joyner’s stylistic reinvention over the past two years has seen him tap into both his creativity and his sense of humor. While his personality may come off brusque and self-serious, by releasing videos like the visually impressive “Will” and the tongue-in-cheek “Zim Zimma,” he’s humanized himself a lot and made himself more endearing than his beefs with Logic and Lil Nas X suggested.

Listen to Joyner Lucas’ “Rambo” featuring Lil Durk above.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Joe and John, my sweet boys

We are living inside a powerful moment for awkward gentlemen whose names begin with the letter J. Right now, on television and/or online if that’s your preference, you can watch new episodes of both Joe Pera Talks With You and How to With John Wilson every week. This is… it’s kind of wonderful. I recommend both shows as strongly as I can recommend any shows. Sometimes I like to watch an action movie like a John Wick or a Fast Five and zip right into one of these episodes just for the whiplash effect of it all. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up.

I’ve written about Joe Pera before, sometimes in this column, sometimes a lot. I love his show a lot. It runs on Adult Swim on Sunday night in back-to-back little 10-12 minute episodes, and the first two seasons are on HBO Max. It’s almost impossible to explain, like most good shows. Pera plays a high school choir teacher named Joe who lives in Michigan and speaks directly to the camera sometimes. He’s a sweet man. Each episode takes on a single topic — examples include “Joe Pera Reads You The Church Announcements” and “Joe Pera Talks With You About Beans” — but eventually reveals itself to be about much more. There’s always a twist. Sometimes it’s charming, sometimes it’s absurd. Sometimes he just cooks pierogies for his drunk girlfriend.

It’s one of those five percent shows, where the jokes and style and general vibes of the show will land with about five percent of the general population, but that five percent will love it deeply. The most recent episode was about Joe flying a drone around Michigan and it was honestly kind of profound and beautiful. It’s a good show.

Speaking of good shows that are kind of profound and beautiful, How to With John Wilson is back for a second season on HBO. This is terrific news. The first season was… also kind of hard to explain. Wilson sets up each episode as a guide to teach the viewers how to do various things — examples include “How to Make Small Talk” and “How to Cook the Perfect Risotto” — but, again, reveal themselves to be about much more. Like, the entire human experience. It’s a lot. I adore it.

Wilson has been making the rounds for interviews to promote the new season, which premiered last week. He spoke to our Jason Tabrys in an interview I will link to here and encourage you to click on because it’s good. He also spoke to Alan Siegel at The Ringer, which I will blockquote now to highlight two important facts. First:

This season, journalist and bestselling author Susan Orlean and absurdist comedian Conner O’Malley joined Wilson, Michael Koman, and Alice Gregory in the writers’ room. Both brought their own sensibilities to the show. It was Orlean who came up with the idea that formed the basis of the upcoming episode “How to Throw Out Your Batteries.”

It is cool/wild that Susan Orlean is a writer on this show. It makes sense because Susan Orlean rules, which I would say about anyone who has written articles about both teen surf girls and absurdist horse-based Twitter accounts, but still, just cool. Also cool: Conner O’Malley being involved. Which brings me to my second blockquote.

Their first meeting, however, didn’t go well. “I really pissed him off,” Wilson says. “I had a hand buzzer with me, during a very annoying phase of my life. I hand-buzzed his friend, and his friend got really upset. This was years ago. Conner didn’t want to talk to me.” But they eventually reconciled, he adds, and “I ended up approaching him to write on the show. He was super into it.”

And now here’s the best part: I get to bring it all full-circle. Conner O’Malley is also a writer/actor in Joe Pera Talks With You. And he’s in a bunch of sketches from I Think You Should Leave. It’s really cool that these three shows — all different and weird and funny and a little groundbreaking — have this one unifying figure. He’s like the Forrest Gump of strange little comedies your friends who are too online tell you to watch. (Hi.) He was also in the Samberg-Milioti comedy Palm Springs, which a) is great/weird, b) is on Hulu, c) features him doing whatever this is.

The lessons here are as follows:

• Please watch the shows/movies I have mentioned here
• All of them
• In any order you want

I do recommend watching Joe Pera Talks With You at bedtime, though. That show is a peaceful delight. This was a nice little chat.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — Speaking of strange little things I enjoy…

It appears we have found ourselves in yet another situation where two things can be true at once. This time those things are:

• I still have a massive case of Game of Thrones fatigue after everything that went down in the last season, which ended about two and half years ago, which somehow feels both too long ago to be right and too recent to be right
• I am wildly excited about one of the proposed spin-offs that HBO is tinkering with, titled Dunk and Egg and based on a series of novellas that I have not and will not read

These two things appear at odds. And they would be at odds, had there not been an announcement this week that the potential series will be written by Stephen Conrad, creator of both my beloved Patriot and Ultra City Smiths. Variety had the announcement, the highlight of which I will paste into this box riiiiiiight now.

Steve Conrad has been tapped to serve as writer and executive producer on the potential series under his Elephant Pictures banner. As Variety exclusively reported in January 2021, the one-hour show would be based on the series of fantasy novellas by George R. R. Martin, which follow the adventures of Ser Duncan the Tall (Dunk) and a young Aegon V Targaryen (Egg) 90 years prior to the events of “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

This is awesome. Not so much that there’s more Game of Thrones stuff coming because, again, the fatigue. But the thing where Conrad is getting to take this swing. The two shows I mentioned earlier, Patriot and Ultra City Smiths, were legitimately unlike anything I’ve seen on television, in a really cool way. Funny and heartfelt, dry and absurd, one of them (Patriot) about a depressed spy and folk singer running around doing missions for a character played by Kurtwood Smith who loves breakfast and cocaine equally and a lot, the other (Ultra City Smiths) a stop-motion musical about a detective investigating the death of a wealthy local businessman. They’re so weird. I love them a lot. Please go watch them and come over and then we can watch them again together and talk about them.

So, yes, I am now in on the Game of Thrones spinoff. This one, at least. Because they did a good thing and I want to support that, and also because I like good things and Steve Conrad has a track record of making good things I like. I mean, the man created a puppet called The King of the Night who was voiced by John C. Reilly and would only answer a detective’s questions if that detective defeated him in a dance fight.

It’s good. I like it. I still don’t care too much about the Thronesiness of it all, but I don’t think I cared about stop-motion murder mystery musicals too much before Ultra City Smiths. I’m willing to keep an open mind here.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — What if the third Magic Mike is just my sweet glistening boys traveling the world and thrilling various gas station employees with impromptu striptease performances?

Well, guess what: There’s a third Magic Mike movie on the way. Channing Tatum announced it on Twitter and then everyone else caught up and got the rest of the facts out as fast as they could. Facts, for example, like these at Entertainment Weekly:

Provocatively titled Magic Mike’s Last Dance, the new screenplay is apparently written by Reid Carolin (who wrote both of the previous films) and will be directed by Soderbergh, who helmed the first entry in the series but took a step back for Magic Mike XXL. Soderbergh shot and edited the sequel but it was ultimately directed by his longtime collaborator Gregory Jacobs. Jacobs returns for the third film but as a producer alongside Carolin, Nick Wechsler, and Peter Kiernan.

The Magic Mike movies are so good. They are so, so good. And the coolest thing is that they’re good in such different ways. The first one was kind of like if Rocky had been a stripper from Florida instead of a boxer from Philly. Like, a real, serious piece of cinema. The second was an absolute blast, a road trip movie about a squad of oiled-up dancers traveling to a big convention and learning and growing on the way. If the first movie was like Rocky, which I just said it was and will not take back here or ever, then the second was like Rocky IV, but fun on purpose.

It also contained this scene…

… which resulted in easily a Top Ten Hardest I’ve Ever Laughed In A Theater moment. I was howling. I laughed again just now watching it while putting this together. I might stop typing this sentence and watch it again. And I did. It’s a beautiful piece of filmmaking.

And now they’re all getting together for one last job… er, dance. I hope, for reasons that can be but do not have to be explained, they rob a casino this time. Or a museum. Or the home of a Tampa billionaire who wronged them. Just thrusting between lasers in a well-guarded room, redirecting the beams by letting them bounce off their glistening torsos. The people need and deserve it.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Rest in peace to Brandy the Pig

Good news and bad news, everyone. The good news is that Pig, starring Nicolas Cage as a truffle hunter who “returns to Portland to find the person who stole his beloved pig,” is still a real movie that is still getting good reviews and you can watch it anytime you like on Hulu or your VOD streaming outlet of voice. What a world, you know?

The bad news, however, and it pains me to say this, is that Brandy, the real pig who played the pig in Pig, apparently passed away last year and no one bothered to tell us (me) until someone went and interviewed director Michael Sarnoski about it.

We couldn’t afford a trained acting pig so we just had to go to farms and find a pig that had a nice personality and looked nice. Brandy just looked very sweet and she was mostly sweet, although she was a pig and you know, did not love being on set sometimes and got a little moody about it. There was something very adorable and special about her. I’d never quite seen a pig that looked like that. They’re just an adorable breed. She was a huge challenge to work with but also one of those things where when it worked, it was just really fun to see emotion coming across from this pig. It was a great joy and a great difficulty.

I just heard that she died.

She did. She got a jaw infection, actually, at the beginning of COVID, and the sad thing is because of COVID all of the vets weren’t taking, like, new clients, so they couldn’t treat her. So she passed away, which was really sad. But she actually was pregnant while we were shooting Pig, so she does have some piglets still running around today.

What a freaking emotional rollercoaster this section turned out to be. I’m sorry for doing this to you on a Friday. I’ll try not to do it again. No promises, though.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — I might just go ahead and make “Talk Your Shit, Ridley Scott” a recurring section

So, here’s what’s happening: Ridley Scott, the legendary director who has made everything from Alien to Gladiator to The Martian, made House of Gucci. I haven’t seen it yet but everyone who has says it’s… a lot. Just over-the-top and wild and fun, with huge performances galore and some liberties taken and Lady Gaga and Adam Driver doing truly powerful nose-related acting. I have no issue with any of this.

I am not, however, as far as I know, a member of the Gucci family. They do have an issue with it. A bunch of them. They put out a whole statement and everything. Here, look:

“The production of the film did not bother to consult the heirs before describing Aldo Gucci — president of the company for 30 years [played by Al Pacino in the film] — and the members of the Gucci family as thugs, ignorant and insensitive to the world around them,” the statement said.

It added that the pic attributes “a tone and an attitude to the protagonists of the well-known events that never belonged to them.”

“This is extremely painful from a human point of view and an insult to the legacy on which the brand is built today,” it noted.

Which was great news for me because, as we’ve discussed before, Ridley Scott rules and has no qualms about responding to things like this in the press, loudly and colorfully, as is one’s right when one has made both Alien and Gladiator. And he did respond. And it did not disappoint me even a little, even with my sky-high expectations. Please, read this. All the way to the end.

“The people that were writing from the family to us at the onset were alarmingly insulting, saying that Al Pacino did not represent physically Aldo Gucci in any shape or form,” Scott says. “And yet, frankly, how could they be better represented than by Al Pacino? Excuse me! You probably have the best actors in the world, you should be so f*cking lucky.”

I cannot express just how happy this makes me. I don’t think I know enough words. It’s a problem because communicating with words is quite literally my job but, I mean, look at this. The man made a movie about the Gucci family and the Gucci family got mad about it and he said, basically, “YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS!” To the Guccis! He said it! And now they’re probably going to respond, too. And I’ll read that response and be excited about it. It’s a perfect feud because I don’t know either party personally and they’re all millionaires and everyone will be fine even though they’ll convince themselves the world is ending.

Make a movie about this next. Cast The Rock as Ridley Scott and Vin Diesel as all of the members of the Gucci family, Nutty Professor-style. And let Ridley Scott direct it. Screw it. Let’s do it all.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Brandon:

This is going to sound weird but I’m curious about your screencap system. From following you on Twitter and reading you at Uproxx for years now, I know you have a lot. Do you have them sorted into folders by show? By topic? By reaction? How does one go about cataloguing hundreds of images of Mike from Breaking Bad and GIFs from Zoo? I just want to know how the sausage is made, I guess.

Oh, Brandon. Oh, buddy. It is adorable that you think I have anything resembling this kind of system. I suuuuuper do not. Everything gets saved as a string of letters and words I think I might remember and then it gets plopped onto my Desktop and then I search for it later when I’m hoping to find it. Like, all my Succession screencaps start with “succ” and then a character name, except for this one, which is named “Roman Fart.”

Is this helpful or useful in any way? No. Do I laugh every time I open it because I immediately think about a person whose name is Roman Fart? Of course. Was I able to pull up this image in seconds because I knew exactly how to find it? Well, yes.

You know how sometimes there’s a character in a movie or television show whose office is a mess of piles everywhere, tumbling over and spread over any surface flat enough to balance them, and whenever someone asks them about a specific piece of paper they’re like, “Ah, yes, one second. I think I just saw it over by the window”? That’s me with files on my computer. I’m that guy. It’s a miracle anything ever gets done around here. Especially with all the extra wasted time giggling about Roman Fart.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Europe!

It is called the “wine train,” and every weekend it rumbles out of the port of Tilbury, east of London, on a 100-mile journey to a depot in central England. It looks pretty much like any other freight train, but it carries an unusual cargo: Almost 650,000 bottles of wine.

STEAL THE WINE

SOMEONE

SOMEONE STEAL THE WINE FROM THE WINE TRAIN

WINE TRAIN ROBBERY

WINE HEIST

ANYONE

PLEASE

This 32-car, 1,600-foot-long traveling wine rack is the latest, and one of the more creative, answers to the supply shortages that have bedeviled Britain and caused the government to fret about disruptions to the Christmas holiday.

CHRISTMAS WINE HEIST

THEY CAN WEAR LITTLE SANTA HATS

A CREW OF SANTAS

STEALING THE WINE

FROM THE WINE TRAIN

BROSNAN

STATHAM

HATS

The wine train has been running from this busy port for a month or so, reducing the reliance on truck drivers, who have been in short supply in Britain, and ensuring that Britons will at least have a decent stock of alcohol during the holiday.

KELSEY GRAMMER IN MONEY PLANE 2: WINE TRAIN

GIMME

WRITE IT

HURRY

GIMME

Freightliner suggested that the weekly deliveries on the wine train — whose cargo takes several hours to load — had not yet satisfied the demand during the holiday season.

“We are looking to increase the frequency of this service to daily,” the company said.

DAILY WINE TRAIN

MOTHER GOD

PEOPLE

SOMEONE

ROB THE TRAIN

FOR ME

FOR CHRISTMAS

WINE HEIST