A pair of Golden Age pillars, Common and Pete Rock, made a comeback this week with the announcement of their new album, The Auditorium Vol. 1, and a new single, “Dreamin’.”
J. Cole made his own return from musical exile with the video for “Trae The Truth In Ibiza.”
Atlanta native Quavo dropped a new single, “Mink,” quoting Sexyy Red.
Here is the best of hip-hop this week ending June 14, 2024.
Albums/EPs/Mixtapes
Don Toliver — Hardstone Psycho
Don Toliver
Don Toliver trades in his silk shirt for biker gang colors on his latest release, but keeps his signature melodic raps and thumping trap and drill beats. Tapping Cash Cobain, Future, Kodak Black, Teezo Touchdown, and Travis Scott, Hardstone Psycho continues expanding Don Toliver’s world.
JasonMartin & DJ Quik — Chupacabra
JasonMartin & DJ Quik
Problem — now known by his government name — reunites with fellow Compton star DJ Quik, who once again handles the beats on a modern masterclass in West Coast sounds and styles. Along for the ride are a who’s-who of LA standouts, from OGs Big Hit and Suga Free to mainstays like The Game and Dom Kennedy.
Moneybagg Yo — Speak Now
Moneybagg Yo
Originally planned for a 2023 release, the Memphis native’s latest was held back to make sure it received just the right feature. Moneybagg hasn’t revealed just which of the featured artists — which include Lil Durk, Rob49, and country star Morgan Wallen — might have held up the process but it’s a moot point now… and the album bangs, so it was probably worth it.
NxWorries — Why Lawd?
NxWorries
Eight years after their last release as a group, Anderson .Paak and Knxwledge reunite. Once again, Knxwledge’s soulful production lays the foundation for .Paak’s slick-talking P game. This time around, the chemistry is improved upon by a collection of collaborators including Earl Sweatshirt, Charlie Wilson, H.E.R., and Snoop Game.
Singles/Videos
Action Bronson — “Sega”
Action Bronson’s new album Johann Sebastian Bachlava The Doctor is on the way, and if its first handful of singles are any indication (they are), it’s jam-packed with all the wrestling references, off-kilter punchlines, and left-field samples you could ask for from the Queens native.
Kaliii — “Gas You Up” Feat. Hunxho
In something of a departure for the Atlanta rapper, Kaliii shows off some vocal chops on her latest, sliding easily from melodic deliveries to sing-song raps over a smooth R&B-inspired beat. Fellow ATLien Hunxho appears to offer a masculine counterpoint to her coy come-ons, making it one of the more balanced songs from either artist’s growing discographies.
LL Cool J — “Saturday Night Special” Feat. Rick Ross & Fat Joe
I don’t know why this feels so unexpected. After all, all three artists here share a generational aspect. They’ve even been on the same labels, for the most part (both Ross and Joe were on Atlantic at separate times, while both LL and Ross were on Def Jam). But I can’t remember the last time LL has sounded so… energized (he always sounds energetic, which is a different thing). It’s not a beat style we’ve heard him on much, but it feels like the sort of beat he should have been utilizing for the last decade. “Saturday Night Special” isn’t the most cohesive, but it’s a prime example of elder statesmen aging gracefully.
Smino — “Polynesian”
Technically, this song’s been out for a week, but the video just dropped today, so I’m putting it here. The world needs more Smino, and while the title refers to his overabundance of sauce, the video’s setting makes for a fitting visual double entendre.
We often see Saturday Night Live cast members dabbling in other projects like Verizon commercials and Homes.com commercials and…just a lot of commercials. So it’s nice to see a comedian like Chloe Fineman appear in one of the most divisive movies of the year, Francis Ford Coppola’s Megalopolis. As it turns out, even she wasn’t sure why Coppola asked her to join the movie, but it has to do with Melania Trump.
Hannah Einbinder and Fineman recently met for a Variety interview where Einbinder asked the comedian how she landed the role in the film, which has a massive ensemble cast.
Fineman explained, “Sometimes people go to weird shows that you don’t expect. It was 2019. I was [performing a sketch of] Ivana Trump and Melania FaceTiming,” she said. This is something she does often. “And I guess Francis was there, and he offered it from my weird Melania thing. You just never know who’s there.”
That performance was enough on its own for Coppola to ask Fineman to appear in his passion project, which has been polarizing fans and critics alike, who have called it both “masterwork” and a passion project gone “horribly wrong.” Fineman should be used to controversy, as she has been on Saturday Night Live for almost five years.
The movie also stars Adam Driver, Aubrey Plaza, Nathalie Emmanuel, Giancarlo Esposito, Shia LaBeouf, Jason Schwartzman, Talia Shire, Grace VanderWaal, Laurence Fishburne, Kathryn Hunter, and Dustin Hoffman. Shockingly, it does not have a release date at this time!
Death and dying isn’t a pleasant subject to talk about, though there’s likely not one living person who has not been touched by death in some way. But the finality of death makes people wonder if people have any regrets from their life that they wish they could do over.
Author, Matthew Kelly decided to ask hospice nurses what they’ve heard patients reveal regretting before they died. The list was fairly long but also heartbreakingly simple. Many people spend their entire lives trying to figure out how to make more money in order to feel financially secure enough to vacation regularly or even retire.
Of course there would be some regrets around working too much, but that regret only made the list once. There are 23 other regrets people seemed to share and we’ll get into them below.
One of the first ones on the list is, “I wish I had more courage to just be my self.” Oof. That stings a bit. People spend so much time trying to make sure they’re well liked by others that it seems that some people forget to focus on just being themselves. People may hide their true selves for a multitude of reasons such as safety or fear of abandonment depending on what part of their identity they were hiding.
Another common regret is, “I wish I had taken more risks.” Risks can be hard when you have other people depending on you for survival. It makes sense that some people might look back on their life and think of all the risks they didn’t take, whether it be due to anxiety or security.
Listen to the whole list below:
So many regrets on the list are things that people can start doing now. Like wishing to love more or taking better care of themselves. It’s never too late to start caring for yourself or being outwardly more loving. In fact, nothing on the list is overly complex. They’re all heartbreakingly simple things that people have the ability to do before their time comes.
Maybe this list will inspire others to make a few tweaks in their life to work towards doing these things while they still can. Maybe it will cause people to realize they’re already well on their way to not having any of the regrets listed. Either way, it’s serves as a reminder to live life in the best way that you can while still being true to yourself.
With one week to go until the release of their fourth studio album, Crash, Kehlani has shared the official tracklist. Crash will feature 13 tracks, including the previously released singles “After Hours” and “Next 2 U,” and guest appearances from neo-soul pillar Jill Scott, rising Nigerian star Omah Lay, and Puerto Rican rapper Young Miko.
Kehlani hyped the release on New Year’s Eve last year, telling their fans, “Describing the year would take more words than I have. Everything led to this. I accept all of God’s plan for me: twists, turns, and gifts alike. ’24, my luckiest number. See you then.”
So far, 2024 has brought at least one unexpected surprise for the singer, who was tapped by the WNBA’s newest franchise, the Golden State Valkyries, to narrate the new team’s announcement video. Given the Bay Area’s commitment to employing local musical talent across sports (P-Lo and Saweetie’s 49ers anthem, E-40 and Too Short’s trip to the White House with the Warriors), it’s probably safe to say this isn’t the last we’ve heard of Kehlani’s association with the league — especially since they’ve already got a strong working relationship.
Now that Charli XCX’s BRAT is over a week old, I think we can all comfortably say it’s the album of the year, or at the very least, the album of the summer. Of course, for Angels (the Charli XCX fan community) we’ve been considering this the album of the year since back when Charli announced she’d be reconnecting with the producer A.G. Cook in 2023. But that’s just kind of what it means to be a Charli XCX fan. We always think, or should I say, recognize, that Charli Baby is miles ahead of the game and since the release of Vroom Vroom in 2016, we’ve all been waiting for you slugs to catch up.
Well, it looks like it’s finally happened, BRAT is both a critical (a perfect 10 from Fantano) and commercial success, and truly, we’re happy you can enjoy this moment with us. Even if at the same time we’re asking “what the hell took you all so long!?”
I’ve already listened to BRAT more times than any other album of the year, diving deep into the songs, and getting into arguments with friends over which are the best, but it’s time for me to draw a line in the sand. So I’m naming the five best songs on BRAT and because this is party music we’re talking about, I’m assigning each a cocktail that embodies the spirit of each song and captures the song’s delicious essence.
Getting f*cked up while listening to BRAT just feels right — it’s an album designed for nightlife. And since Charli is currently on tour (with another upcoming tour with Troye Sivan to follow) we know all the angels out there are going to need some ideas on how to turn up before the show. To that end, we’ve gathered five cocktails crafted by our departed whisky and cocktail expert Zach Johnston so that you can get lit with a little guidance.
How We Decided On These Cocktails
It’s a vibe, not a science. I attributed each drink to a song based on the flavor profile, name, look, and how it makes me — and hopefully you — feel drinking it. All of these drinks are just so BRAT. You know it when you feel it.
Let’s drink — here are the five best songs (no bonus tracks allowed) from BRAT and the cocktails to pair with them.
”Sympathy is a knife” — The Pornstar
Zach Johnston
“Cause I couldn’t even be her if I tried. I’m opposite I’m on the other side.”
Why We Chose This Drink:
“Sympathy is a knife” is not only my favorite song on BRAT, I think it best exemplifies the album as a whole. It’s raw, it’s direct, it’s emotional, and yet, a whole lot of fun. So we needed a cocktail that could exemplify Charli herself, which is why we went with the Pornstar, a cocktail that combines vanilla vodka, passionfruit, lime juice, simple syrup, and chilled prosecco into a refreshing and dessert-like drink.
Not only does it sound like a drink Charli would order based on the name alone, the Pornstar is part glamour part grime. What better way to represent Charli? Charli has always had a strained relationship with her fame, she’s not like the other super put-together pop girls out there, she’s messy, and it’s why we love her, and BRAT is a messy album.
There are rumblings in the fan community that “Sympathy is a knife” makes reference to Taylor Swift and we’re not going to get into all of that, but what other pop artist would leave a trail of breadcrumbs in a song that would even allow people to entertain the thought it could be about Taylor, a person with the most insane fan community? Only Charli.
Tasting Notes:
Vanilla-forward and dessert-like. Imagine a passion fruit upside-down cake with a deep creamy flavor and a lip-smacking citrus brightness.
Ingredients and How To Make:
• A coupe or cocktail glass (prechilled)
• 2 oz. shot glass
• Cocktail shaker
• Cocktail strainer
• Fine strainer
• Jigger
• Hand juicer
• Pairing knife
1. Prechill your glasses. 2. Add the vodka, passion fruit puree, simple, lime, and passion fruit liqueur to the cocktail shaker. Add a large handful of ice, affix the lid, and shaker vigorously for about 20 seconds. 3. Double-strain the cocktail into the prechilled coupe. 4. Garnish with a dried orange wheel or passion fruit wheel (if you’re using fresh fruit) and serve with a two-ounce sidecar of prosecco.
For a full list of tools and techniques, click here.
”Everything is romantic” — Classic Mai Tai
Zach Johnston
“Early nights in white sheets with lace curtains. Capri in the distance. In a place that can make you change, fall in love again and again.”
Why We Chose This Drink:
The Mai Tai, with its tropical combination of Jamaican rum, orange curaçao, and lime juice is one of the most iconic cocktails of all time, and because of that, it’s one of the most copied. That reminds me a bit of our girl Charli, whose sound is so unique and next level that we’ve seen the undeniable effect her artistry has had on modern pop music, even if most people don’t know it.
Simply put, hyperpop wouldn’t be the cultural force it is without the work of Charli and her collaborators like A.G. Cook, Easy Fun, and the late Sophie. Also special shout out to El Guincho, one of the producers of this track and another artist whose sound holds an equally strong and underappreciated influence on modern pop.
This song, like the Mai Tai itself, is infectious. The sweeping strings at the intro, the way the clattering beat hits for the first time, the imagery — it’s pop music perfection and the first song on BRAT that gave me chills on my initial listen. I can picture myself sipping a Mai Tai on a warm Italian night, looking out at the ocean, Capri in the distance.
Tasting Notes:
Complex and elevated, yet easy to fall in love with. It has a bright lime and orange-forward flavor with a deep nuttiness and a complex lush finish. A balance of tropical notes and woody spice.
Ingredients and How To Make:
• 2 oz. aged Jamaican rum
• 0.5 oz. Orange Curaçao
• 0.5 oz. fresh lime juice
• 0.5 oz. orgeat
• Crushed ice
• Fresh mint
• Lime wheel
1. Add the rum, Orange Curaçao, fresh lime juice, and orgeat to the cocktail shaker with a large handful of crushed ice. Affix the lid and shaker vigorously for about 10 to 15 seconds. 2. Pour the whole drink with ice into the waiting glass. Add a little more crushed ice to the top of the cocktail and then garnish with fresh mint and a lime wheel. Serve.
For a full list of tools and techniques, click here.
”I think about it all the time” — The Pain Killer
Zach Johnston
“Cause maybe one day I might, if I don’t run out of time. Would it make me miss all of my freedom? I think about it all the time.”
Why We Chose This Drink:
Next to “So I,” “I think about it all the time” is one of the most emotionally bare moments on BRAT. It has Charli contemplating her fame, her values, and her future and it really puts into perspective how multidimensional an artist she is.
Charli, in one song contemplates putting the party days behind her and becoming a mother, only to say in the next song “Should we do a little key? Should we have a little line?” I love the songs on BRAT always feel in dialogue with one another, and “I think about it all the time,” feels like Charli in dialogue with herself.
This was the hardest song to assign a cocktail, but we’re going to go with The Pain Killer, a frothy and fruity cocktail that puts an elevated spin on the Piña Colada. It’s fully crushable and party-ready, but with its use of nutmeg and its complex flavor, it feels a bit mature. If that’s not “I think about it all the time,” I don’t know what is.
Tasting Notes:
A wonderful balance between sweetness and tropical acidity. It’s bright and easy on the palate, yet complex. The nutmeg really deepens the flavor here and gives your palate something nuanced to focus on.
Ingredients and How To Make:
• 2 oz. dark Caribbean rum
• 4 oz. pineapple juice
• 1 oz. fresh orange juice
• 1 oz. cream of coconut
• Nutmeg
• Pineapple wedge
• Cocktail cherry
• Ice
1. Add the rum, juices, and coconut to a cocktail shaker with a large handful of ice. Affix the lid and shake vigorously for about 20 to 30 seconds until the shaker is ice cold and the drink is nice and frothy. There’s a lot of liquid in the shaker with this one, so start slowly and build up speed. 2. Fill the glass with fresh ice — about 3/4 full. Strain the cocktail into the glass. Dash nutmeg over the top of the drink and garnish with a pineapple wedge and cherry. Serve.
For a full list of tools and techniques, click here.
”Girl, so confusing” — The Spicy Cucumber Margarita (El Pepino)
Zach Johnston
“You’re all about writing poems but I’m about throwing parties.”
Why We Chose This Drink:
Because BRAT and Charli are all about the party, we couldn’t make this list without a true people-pleaser party drink, and what better cocktail than the Spicy Cucumber Margarita? AKA El Pepino, this drink takes everything great about a margarita and turns it up a level by adding cucumber and fresh jalapeño for a spicy and vegetal twist.
“Girl, so confusing,” feels like a true encapsulation of what makes A.G. Cook’s production such a natural pair for Charli’s songwriting. It’s bubbly, cute, and aggressive. It’s a reflection of Charli as much as a throwback to the sound A.G. Cook helped popularize. There are moments in the song that make me think of the early days of PC Music, its club music through an aggressively feminine filter.
Tasting Notes
Refreshing, savory, and spicy. It has a snappy tartness and a subtle heat that is absolute joy for the tastebuds. This takes a simple margarita and deepens the flavor and experience.
Ingredients and How To Make:
• 1.5 oz. blanco tequila
• 0.5 oz. Cointreau
• 0.5 oz. lime juice
• 0.5 oz. cucumber juice
• 0.5 oz. simple syrup
• 1/2 slice of fresh jalapeno
• Ice
• Chili Salt for the rim
• Lime wheel
1. Add the tequila, juices, and Cointreau to a cocktail shaker with the fresh chili and a large handful of ice. Affix the lid and shake vigorously for about 20 seconds or until the shaker is ice-cold to touch. 2. Wet the rim of the glass with the lime wheel dip the glass into the chili salt and then add fresh ice to the rocks glass. 3. Double-strain the cocktail into the glass, drop the lime wheel in the glass, and serve.
For a full list of tools and techniques, click here.
”360/365” — Gin Basil Smash
Zach Johnston
“I’m everywhere I’m so Julia.”
Why We Chose This Drink:
Surprise! Okay, I kind of cheated a bit here, this is technically two songs, but they are the bookends of the album and are very much iterations of one another. This was the hardest song to pick, and there were many other tracks that I considered in its places (shout out “Club classics,” “Von Dutch,” and “So I”). Ultimately, I settled on “360/365” because the cocktail it reminds me of came to mind the fastest.
This song is without a doubt a Gin Basil Smash — it’s sharp, bright, spicy, and come on, look at that color, it’s the album color in liquid form! It’s a simple but classic cocktail with just a few ingredients. The drink is a showcase for how simple elements can come together to make something greater than the sum of their parts, much like this pair of songs which are relatively minimal and yet, huge sounding.
Tasting Notes:
Bright, and spicy with a mix of mint and citrus flavors and a wonderful herbaceousness. Everything element of this drink works in perfect harmony.
Ingredients and How To Make:
• 2 oz. London dry gin
• 0.75 oz. fresh lemon juice
• 0.25 oz. simple syrup
• 2 large basil sprigs
• Ice
• Extra fresh basil for garnish
1. Add the basil and simple syrup to the bottom of a cocktail shaker. Use the muddler to bruise the basil leaves and break up the stems a tad. Add the gin, lemon juice, and a large handful of ice to the shaker. Affix the lid and then shake vigorously for about 20 seconds. 2. Add a large ice cube to the rocks glass. Double strain the cocktail into the rocks glass and then garnish with a fresh basil sprig. Serve.
For a full list of tools and techniques, click here.
Lyrical Lemonade’s Summer Smash has become Chicago’s biggest hip-hop-oriented music festival. With this year’s fest headlined by Travis Scott (billed as Cactus Jack, suggesting a few friends joining him onstage), Playboi Carti, and Chief Keef, not only are some of the biggest names in hip-hop represented, but one of Chicago’s favorite sons gets to put on a show for his hometown for the first time in ten years. Keef’s legal troubles kept him from being able to perform in the Windy City, but he recently resolved them, allowing him to make his homecoming (you can read more about it here).
Below, you can find the set times for this weekend’s festival, which runs from today, June 14, to Sunday, June 16, at SeatGeek Stadium in Bridgeview, Illinois. So far, only the set times for today, Friday, June 14, have been revealed by Lyrical Lemonade, but this post will be updated as the set times for Saturday, June 15, and Sunday, June 16, are announced. You can also download the Summer Smash app for updates, maps, and more.
Friday, June 14
Lyrical Lemonade Stage
Qari X Lotto (4:05-4:30), Vonoff1700 (5:00-5:25), BLP Kosher (6:05-6:35), Big Sean (7:05-7:45), Destroy Lonely (8:15-9:00), Cactus Jack (9:45-11:00)
Spkrbx Stage
DJ Simmy (3:35-4:00), Kami (4:35-4:55), Yung Bans (5:30-6:00), Bktherula (6:40-7:10), Flo Milli (7:40-8:10), That Mexican OT (8:50-9:30)
Drink Lyrical Tent
Elijah Wallace (3:10-3:25), BossFTR (3:35-3:50), Clip (4:00-4:15), Dom Corleo (4:25-4:45), F1lthy (4:50-5:15), Uneek (5:15-5:25), Lazer Dim 700 (5:35-5:55), Black Kray (6:05-6:30), Osamason (6:40-7:10), Famous Dex (7:25-7:55)
One of the best reviewed movies of 2024, director Jane Schoenbrun’s A24 coming-of-age film about two outcasts (played by Justice Smith and Brigette Lundy-Paine) who bond over a cult show is now available on digital. You can buy or rent I Saw The TV Glow on Amazon, YouTube, Kaleidescape, and many more platforms. There’s no streaming debut date yet.
Even if you’ve seen the film (which also has a killer soundtrack), there’s incentive to watch it again. “now that it’s out digitally can’t wait for ppl to find the biggest TV GLOW easter egg that hasn’t been discovered yet. As the tagline says, look a little closer,” Schoenbrun tweeted.
now that it’s out digitally can’t wait for ppl to find the biggest TV GLOW easter egg that hasn’t been discovered yet. As the tagline says, look a little closer 🙂 pic.twitter.com/si9vOR7mjE
Teenager Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious late-night TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen’s view of reality begins to crack.
I Saw The TV Glow also stars Ian Foreman, Helena Howard, Fred Durst (yes, that Fred Durst), Danielle Deadwyler, Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s Amber Benson, and Michael C. Maronna and Danny Tamberelli from Nick favorite The Adventures of Pete & Pete. You can watch the trailer below.
Seriously, though, if you need proof that Gen X is fabulous, look no further than our playlists. The generation born between the mid-60s and the early 80s might just have the most varied and eclectic of all musical tastes. Our hippie/classic rocker parents passed down their 60s and 70s tunes, then we got the 80s in all its power ballad glory, then a brief 50s music revival during the 80s, then the rise of hip-hop, rap and grunge in the 90s.
A Gen X mom shared a video demonstrating the wide range of music she listens to ,and it’s 100% familiar to those of us in our 40s and 50s.
As Word up with Jen points out, Gen X was “born in the 70s, raised in the 80s and partied in the 90s,” cementing every decade’s jams in our memory, from Anne Murray to Snoop Dog. Watch:
Ya never know what you’re gonna get 🤷♀️ #genx #70sbaby #raisedinthe80s #partiedinthe90s #carjams
The comments confirm that Gen X really does have the bead on everyone’s beats.
“I’m glad I’m not the only polyjamorous gen x out there.”
“So I’m not the only one with a playlist that looks like it belongs to some with multiple personalities? This is a relief.”
“Gen X is the only generation that covered so many genres of music AND decades of music. Don’t give me the aux unless ur ready for a lesson in music.”
“SO true!! You may get Metallica, you may get NWA, you may get Donny Osmond,you may get Duran Duran…who knows? 😂👏”
“I can relate 100%! It’s not just one genre or decade. If you knew songs by NWA, Dre, Snoop, you also knew country songs by Shania, Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw and metal songs from Metallica to Pantera and so on. Even if you had a specific genre of music like me (90’s hip hop/rap/pop) you also knew Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns n Roses by the very first riff and rocked the hell out of it lol. Love Gen X life!”
“I think Gen X hit the jackpot culturally. Signed, a Millennial.”
Naturally, every individual has their own musical tastes, and people from other generations can certainly appreciate different music genres. But Gen X really has had the biggest exposure to a mix of musical styles during our formative. years. Our ingrained musical knowledge would make us excellent “Humm…ble” competitors, and we can sing along with pretty much anything pre-Y2K. (Some of us got Mom Brain in the 2000s that ruined us for memorizing lyrics to newer songs, but we can sing “Hotel California,” “Sister Christian” and “Baby Got Back” in our sleep.)
The funniest thing about this is that the younger generations only know “playlists” as digital collections. Never will they know the hours of work that went into creating the “playlist” known as the mixed tape. Especially a mixed tape from the radio, where you curse the DJ for talking through the entire intro of the song. Even making mixed CDs took a lot of effort compared to few clicks it takes today to piece together a playlist.
Gen X may have its issues—all that angst didn’t come out of nowhere—but when it comes to music, we are the unbeatable generation.
In a revealing interview with Steven Bartlett on his “Dairy of a CEO” podcast, former Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shared how to get people to do what you want them to do.
The key, according to Poumpouras, is to understand what motivates them. Once you know the psychological framework behind what makes them tick, you can persuade them to behave as you like.
Poumpouras is the co-host of Bravo TV’s “Spy Games” competition series and author of “Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, Live Fearlessly.” She served in the Secret Service’s Presidential Protective Division for President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama and protected George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush.
Poumpouras says that to get a “good read” on someone, it’s essential to listen.
Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want
Former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras shares how to get someone to do what you want 👀 #podcast #podcastclips #stevenbartlett #diaryofaceo #specialagent #secretservice #security #evypoumpouras
The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot,” Poumpouras said in the video clip. “Steven, if I’m doing all the talking and you’re doing all the listening, you’re learning everything about me. You’re learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems, getting a good read on me and I’m learning nothing about you.”
The former Secret Service Agent says that you should listen to determine the subject’s motivational mindset. Are they motivated by money, sex, admiration, status, freedom, relationships, or safety?
“Everybody’s motivated by something different. But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is. Everybody’s purpose is different,” she continued. “If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you.”
It’s also a wonderful tactic because your subject will have no idea they are part of a manipulation because they are the ones doing the talking. It’s nearly impossible to give yourself away when you’re sitting in silence.
Understanding what motivates people is essential when protecting the safety of the nation’s most important assets and dealing with shady, dangerous people. However, it can also benefit the layperson by giving us a framework to understand people better. Knowing what motivates someone is very important, whether you’re on a date, in a business deal, or in a leadership role at work.
Understanding your personal motivators is also essential for making the best choices in life. It helps us determine which actions will be genuinely beneficial. It’s also a great way to ensure that we are involved with people, organizations, and activities for the right reasons.
Productivity consultant Ashley Janssen says the key to understanding your motives is knowing your values.
“When you know what you value, you can identify how an activity or goal will support and foster those values,” Janssen writes. “When you decide to try something, consider whether it’s what you think you should want to do or what someone else has said you should do. Those conditions are often not enough to sustain a behavior or activity. It’s hard to keep moving forward on something that you don’t really care about or are not invested in.”
Even for those who love the thrill of making vacation itineraries…it’s work. And obviously when the planning has to be done for an entire family, there’s even more effort needed to be put in. Imagine going through all the rigamarole of booking flights, hotels, rental cars, restaurant reservations, entertainment venues, last minute store runs for toiletries…without getting so much as a “thank you.”
Odds are you’d be a little miffed, even if planning is your thing.
This was the scenario that a mom Alexis Scott found herself in after planning a summer vacation for her husband and two teen children. Thankfully, the now-viral TikTok post venting her frustrations inspired several folks to give her some much deserved support.
In the video, Scott began, “I’m on a family vacation right now with my two teenagers and my husband. We flew in late last night. We think we got in at like 12:15 a.m. and headed to get a rental car and then got to our Airbnb. And I am frustrated.”
Scott had tried and tried to get any input from her family about what they might want to do, and each time got the same reply: “‘Whatever you want, mom. I don’t care. Okay. I don’t care.’”
“Great. Glad I’m planning this vacation for everybody to not care,” Scott lamented.
Still, she did the planning—cause someone had to do it. But as soon as the vacation started, all her decisions were met with complaints. From being called “cheap” for getting too small of an SUV rental car to being told “Mom is never going to be in charge of booking the Airbnb again. She can’t even this, that and the other,’” after the family found out their AirBnb was three stories with quite a few stairs.
“Then this morning, we wake up and it’s an urban setting. We live in a very quiet suburban setting and my husband’s saying how he barely slept and this and that. And I’m just like, enough!” she said.
All of this happened within the first 24 hours of the trip. It’s easy to see why Scott needed to vent.
Her video concluded with:
I have been the only one to put in all the effort in planning this trip. And I know there’s videos on mental load, but this is prime time example of me. I’m shouldering the mental load for my entire family and everybody has something to say about it. So, yeah, I’m frustrated. Please pray for me that we can all turn our attitudes around and have a great day.”
Down in the comments, viewers could totally empathize with Scott for feeling burnt out and disappointed.
“Oh gosh the mental load of planning every detail and then knowing is something goes wrong or isn’t’ perfect it’s all on you. Been there,” one person shared.
Another added, “I tell my husband that I haven’t been on vacation since I was a child and he’s alway confused bc to him, ‘we’ go on vacation every year. Only other moms would understand what I mean.”
Many suggested that she do something for herself instead.
“Just Irish goodbye one morning, go to brunch alone, hit the spa or a pool and come home after dinner,” one person wrote.
“Go and do whatever you want to do!! Spa day sounds perfect and take yourself out for fabulous meals!!” echoed another.
On a positive note: this story does have a happy ending. In a follow-up video, Scott shared how she showed her family the TikTok video she made, and it did turn things around.
“We have actually had a really, really great day today,” she said. “Everyone has had positive attitudes. I’ve heard a lot of thank yous and my kids have been buying their little side purchases with their own money and not even asking me to pay for it… but they have been really self-sufficient in that space.”
All in all, Scott recognizes that her family is “human,” and a big part of being human is apologizing when a mistake is made and moving forward.
“We love each other. This was a learning experience.”
By the way, Scott’s entire TikTok is dedicated to relatable mom content. You can follow along here.
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