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A Man Apparently Spent Most Of His Fraudulent PPP Loan On A Single Pokemon Card

It may feel like just yesterday that Christopher Moltisanti and his crew of Sopranos family agents were hijacking a shipment of Pokemon cards at the turn of the millennium on HBO, but two decades later, the trading card game based on the Nintendo series is arguably more popular than ever.

Packs of cards are flying off the shelves amid the latest trading card boom, and sales of older cards have skyrocketed as people have gone back home to mine their closets for a nice payday. And while there’s a lot of speculation that these big sales have something sketchy behind them, the government has apparently found proof of at least one illegal sale of a single Pokemon card that cost five figures.

As the Washington Post detailed, the federal government released details of the few people who misused the bevy of pandemic-related business programs and loans floated to people over the last two years as a result of pandemic-related hardships. Some of that went to Vinath Oudomsine, who apparently used two-thirds of his loan on a single card that cost the Georgia man $57,789.

On July 14, 2020, according to prosecutors, Oudomsine sought a loan for a business that he said had 10 employees and revenue of $235,000 over a year. The next month, court documents state, the SBA deposited $85,000 into a bank account in Oudomsine’s name.

Court filings give few details about the alleged Pokémon card purchase — such as which “Pocket Monster” it carried — simply stating that Oudomsine bought it “on or about” Jan. 8 of this year.

Collectible gaming cards can fetch big sums — this year, one unopened box of first-edition Pokémon cards sold for more than $400,000.

Interestingly, they did not get specific about which card it is, though the most likely candidate is the Charizard card many have long coveted from the base set. Still, no matter how nostalgic you want to get about your Pocket Monster-filled youth, try not to break the law along the way.

[via WaPo]

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Saweetie Shut Down Twitter Speculation That She’s Dating Roddy Ricch

Saweetie wants to make it clear that she’s not dating a new rap suitor at the moment after fans on Twitter ran away speculating that she’s found her replacement for Quavo in Roddy Ricch. When the two California rappers were photographed together at a Lakers game, fans immediately jumped to conclusions but Saweetie was quick to shut down the rumors with a tweet of her own lamenting how quickly fans connected the “couple” over such minimal evidence as a photo or two.

The two rappers were seat neighbors courtside at Friday’s game between the Lakers and the Phoenix Suns at Staples Center, but it seems that it was more of a coincidence than a date. However, when The Shade Room posted about them on Instagram the implication was obvious. A similar post on the Female Rap Room Twitter account received similar responses from fans, and Twitter lit up with chatter about the potential pairing.

Saweetie herself, however, was less than amused. “So avoid sitting next to men in public places,” she wrote later. “Otherwise the world assumes y’all are dating.”

Something similar happened to another set of stars at another basketball game recently, when Chloe Bailey and Gunna were seen sitting together at the Hawks home opener in Atlanta. In that instance, though, some fans focused more on Chloe’s beverage than any possible coupling that might have been taking place. Incidentally, both Roddy and Saweetie are working on their albums, with Saweetie promising that Pretty Bitch Music is completed and Roddy aiming for a “full-blown masterpiece.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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‘Halo Infinite’ Will Shake Up The Series With An Open-World Campaign

The Halo series is one of the most popular FPS’s in the world, and for good reason. The original five games on Xbox and Xbox 360 are some of the best shooters ever made because the campaigns and multiplayer are extremely fun. Halo 4 and Halo 5, on the other hand, didn’t quite live up to those same expectations. They aren’t bad games by any means, but they didn’t capture the same magic of the original Halo releases.

Why Halo 4 and Halo 5 don’t create that same feeling is anyone’s guess, but 343 Industries must have felt one part of it was the format for the campaign. Halo has always been a traditional FPS where a player begins a level and shoots their way to the end. There have certainly been variations on those levels here and there, Halo: Reach, in particular, had some fun variety, but the games have always kept a level structure.

Halo Infinite will be the first game to break from that mold completely. On Monday, 343 Industries released an overview for the upcoming game’s campaign and it was revealed that it will use an open world structure. Instead of traveling from level to level, Master Chief will explore a vast world with outposts and objective points. This is a huge change from how Halo has traditionally been played and the reactions to it varied.

On one side, we have traditionalists who feel that Halo is at its best when it follows the same structure as the original games. It’s also odd to see a sudden change to open-world when so many games have already gone that direction. Halo still had a structure that was unique to itself. Now it’s just going to be another open-world shooter in an ocean full of them.

On the other hand, Halo and 343 Industries needed a breath of fresh air. This is the developer’s chance to do something unique with the IP instead of chasing past ghosts from when Bungie was originally developing the game. It also gives the player the freedom to make Master Chief more powerful than ever before. The overview trailer did a good job of this by showing the incredible movement potential with the new grappling hook as well as the vehicles.

If 343 hits Halo Infinite out of the park, then nobody is going to be complaining about how this game isn’t like the previous Halo releases. However, if it’s a third straight disappointment, then fans are gonna be wondering if it’s worth paying for the campaign when multiplayer is free. The pressure is on for 343 Industries and they know it.

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Adele’s ‘Easy On Me’ Is No. 1 On The Hot 100 Chart And It’s Historically Not Even Close

Adele’s comeback has so far been a resounding success. Her new single, “Easy On Me,” recently destroyed Spotify’s single-day streaming record, for example. Now, the track is coming for the Billboard charts: On the Hot 100 dated October 30, “Easy On Me” is No. 1.

“Easy On Me” is Adele’s fifth No. 1 on the Hot 100, following “Rolling In The Deep,” “Someone Like You,” “Set Fire To The Rain,” and “Hello.” As for “Easy On Me,” the song didn’t face any significant hurdles towards its race to No. 1. In fact, it has more than double the chart points of the No. 2 song this week (The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber’s “Stay”). It’s just the 25th song to do that since 1991 and the first since Olivia Rodrigo’s “Drivers License.”

This actually isn’t the debut week on the chart for “Easy On Me.” The song was released five hours before midnight ET last Friday, so those five hours of tracking activity counted towards the previous week. Even in that short time, “Easy On Me” still managed to debut at No. 68 on the chart dated October 23.

Aside from 30 itself, Adele fans have plenty more to look forward to, perhaps most notably her upcoming two-hour primetime TV special.

30 is out 11/19 via Columbia. Pre-order it here.

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Jensen Ackles Posted A Heartbreaking Tribute To His Late ‘Rust’ Colleague, Halyna Hutchins

The death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins is one of the most heartbreaking on-set tragedies in recent history and with each new testimony and detail that emerges, it only gets harder and harder to process. Following the tragic accident last Thursday in which Alec Baldwin reportedly discharged a prop firearm that was loaded with a live bullet, ultimately killing Hutchins and wounding director Joel Souza, Baldwin and other Hollywood names have come forward to express their shock and offer condolences to Hutchins’ family. Late last night, fellow Rust co-star Jensen Ackles became the next to break his silence on the incident, sharing an heartfelt message on Instagram.

In his post, Ackles called the accident “a tragedy of epic proportions that we are all still processing.” He then proceeded to share one of the last moments he and Hutchins had together, in which he complimented her on her work and the pair exchanged a laugh and hug:

“Earlier last week I felt compelled to tell Halyna just how awesome I thought she was. I told her how incredible I thought her camera shots were and just how exciting it was to watch her and her team work. Truly. She laughed and said thank you and gave me a hug. I’ll forever be thankful we had that moment. She had a spunk and passion that infected the entire crew from the top down. She was an inspiration. My heart and prayers go out to Halyna’s husband, son and the rest of her family. There just aren’t enough words to express what an immense loss this is. She will be incredibly missed by all of us who knew and admired her.”

Following Hutchins’ passing, the American Film Institute has created a memorial scholarship fund in the cinematographer’s name. According to AFI, the fund will help ensure Hutchins’ “will live on in the spirit of all who strive to see their dreams realized in stories well told.” In addition, a Go Fund Me has been created to help raise funds for Hutchins’ husband of 19-years, Matthew, and their 9-year-old son. While the Go Fund Me only asked for $10,000, as of publishing the campaign has already raised over $205,000. Ackles shared the link to both the memorial fund and Go Fund Me on his Instagram post, revealing both he and his wife/fellow actor Danneel had donated to both causes before asking for those who are “able and compelled” to do the same.

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‘Inside College Football’ Gives Fans Their Fix Of Football And Fun

Adam Zucker, Aaron Taylor, Brian Jones, Randy Cross, and Rick Neuheisel get together every Tuesday for what each of them calls the best part of their week: Inside College Football on CBS Sports Network.

All of them have been with the show for more than a decade at various times. This particular quintet in its eighth season, which creates a bond and camaraderie that is rare in the ever-changing landscape of sports television. While most shows see analysts or hosts come and go, Inside College Football has managed to find continuity, which has led to one of the most comfortable sets in the business.

Four of the analysts liken the vibe to being in a great locker room, one where there is respect, trust, and plenty of jokes and banter. However, what makes it work as a show isn’t just that the group gets along. It’s that they collectively know each other’s strengths and play to them.

“I always liken it to our locker room,” Jones says. “It’s the only locker room we have remaining. So, the camaraderie works because we genuinely like each other, one. Two, everyone has their own unique way of conveying the information that’s at hand, and we don’t step on each other’s toes from that standpoint. We’re all just unique in our own way and how we present the information. We give you all the information, the pertinent information, you get on other shows. We just have a damn good time presenting it.”

“You get four different kind of styles of it, which I think is something that’s unique to what we do,” Cross adds. “Because there’s very little redundancy, outside of we may be picking the same teams. But what Rick says, and I say, and Aaron says, and Brian says is usually kind of our own version — not of the same thing, but of what we think.”

Those varying viewpoints are one of the great strengths of the show, as each person has carved out a different niche. When brought together, they are able to provide a comprehensive look at games from four distinct viewpoints that few shows are capable of matching, much less willing to offer.

“We got a great quarterback in Adam,” Neuheisel says. “He is a TV man and then some. I tease him all the time that he’s got a cape that says ‘TV Man.’ He could literally go and grab a camera and shoot the show, he can go write the show. He’s a phenom as our quarterback, the point guard. And then we got a bunch of people who come from different places in the world of football: A couple of Hall of Famers in Aaron and Randy, who give you insights from the trenches; Randy has found a way to become the guy who has more intelligence of how the numbers break down a game than anybody in the business; and then Brian and I, we give analysis from a defensive side and from a coach’s side. So, it works.”

It’s an approach that only works when everyone is comfortable being themselves on TV, which is one of the benefits of having analysts that have spent so much time in the business. They aren’t worried about venturing out beyond their area of expertise, because they have learned to be comfortable in simply talking about what they know best.

“I come from the viewpoint that I know what I know, versus what I did when I was young in my career, when it was like, I wanted to win an Emmy and hit a home run on every game, whether I’d seen the team play or not, and I was BS-ing,” Taylor says. “And what I do now is I’ll stop and think about what do I know about this team. And if there’s nothing I know — I hadn’t seen Michigan play live, so I downloaded their tape against Rutgers so I could watch it offline on the airplane and I started ripping through film, and right away, I saw how much more physical their offensive line is. Right away, I saw their tight end was getting after it and he was bringing his backside shoulder and backside knee, and at the point of attack, they were as physical they had been under Harbaugh in the last three or four years.

“So that’s what I chose to talk about,” he continues. “It’s like, those are the things I see instead of talking about the quarterbacks and what’s going on in the [Heisman] race and looking up some statistic that I want to build my comment around.”

Embracing how their experiences can shape their discussion also allows them to dive into bigger, more important topics with a nuance and openness that is typically lacking on other sports shows. Those conversations, like one this past week about mental health, are part of what separate Inside College Football. The trust built in their locker room makes everyone on the show willing to, as Brian Jones mentions, talk about traumatic shared experiences openly on television. It’s assisted by a show format and longer time slot that allows them to push those conversations further and deeper than a 30 minute or hour show could.

All of this works in balance; the serious conversations, the in-depth ball talk, and all the jokes and “yucks,” as they like to call them. Striking it isn’t easy, but it’s the product trial and error and a near-constant conversation about how things can be done better. After years of being guided by Tim Weinkauf, the past two years have seen Amy Salmanson, who started her career at CBS working on the show, take over as executive producer. From a booth perspective, leading the show is about letting those conversations go where they need to and being willing to change plans on the fly to allow the guys to have fun and go off on tangents. At the same time, that ability to be flexible is what makes the show what it is.

“I say every week in the control room, and last night I said I think four times, ‘I’ve lost total control.’ And I don’t really mean that, I have it. They listen to me. We rein it in. We get on time. All that. We get everything we need to. But you just have to know when there’s a moment you let it go, and there’s always somewhere else you can take that time from,” Salmanson says. “Some stuff just goes on, or if it’s a good conversation … like the roundtable segments are something that wasn’t in the show when I used to work on it and started coming back in. That’s something that I think is really important, to have other topics that we can talk about. Sometimes they’re quick and sometimes they go way longer than they’re scripted for. But going into every week, I just have a plan of, you know something’s going to be great that you’re not expecting with this group. It just is going to happen. So, you just have to be prepared for it and bob and weave and adjust, and make sure that you take the time from somewhere else and let those moments play out and let them happen.”

That trust from the booth also builds comfort on the set. There isn’t as much panic if a segment goes long, because they know there’s slack on the leash and they’ll just pull it back later. It’s also where having a two-hour show helps, because it naturally offers more room for going off-plan, and that lends itself to a more natural and comfortable feel both for the guys on set and the viewer at home.

“It’s a luxury, the time. And if you do games — and we’ve all done games or are doing games — it’s such a stark contrast to your window in a game that is, like, 5-10 seconds compared to the windows you get in this format,” Cross says. “And I’ve been on studio shows that were also two hours long that were so rigidly formatted, that really, what you thought didn’t have anything to do with what you were going to eventually be saying on TV. It was, here’s the point, here’s what we’re doing, and here’s your opportunity. So it’s really very, very refreshing. I guess I’m by virtue of age, the most experienced of the group [laughs]. I’d say that the way this thing is set up, just sort of dovetails into our styles, and the way that we like to work.”

“You have to stay inside the lines on Saturday, but on Tuesdays, we get to finger paint,” Neuheisel adds. “I go back to the longform format, the ability to be a little bit more conversational because of the big grant of time that we’re given. I think all of us feel like this is a nice little TV show. We feel like we’re going to talk ball to everybody who really likes ball, and we’re going to do it in a way that we’re going to enjoy each other’s company along the way. And that’s rare when you’re talking about the value of TV time and getting to the next commercial and what have you.”

Steering the ship and working as the bridge between the booth and the analysts is Zucker, who directs traffic, sets up talking points, and moves the show along as best he can despite what can devolve into a bit of chaos on set when jokes are flying. Zucker is both ringmaster and antagonist, knowing exactly how to wind up all four of the analysts to set them off, but also having just enough control to get them back on track and make sure the show hits all of its marks.

“Adam is so above the show in terms of, he sees it like a producer or a coordinating producer where he knows what’s coming,” Taylor says. “He knows what the elements are. He knows that he’s got time to get the zinger in, he knows what we talked about off set and he’ll bring that in to get me to, say, the offensive line at Syracuse and how bad they are. I watch what he does, and it’s like, I feel like I watch Adam do his job at times like I used to when I got off the bench in Green Bay to go watch Barry Sanders run. It was like, ‘I’m on the same field is Barry Sanders, I’ve earned my right to be on that field and I hold my own, but that dude’s doing something different that I wasn’t given.’”

To a man, everyone on the show speaks glowingly about each other and what they bring to the table. They crack jokes and tease each other in the way great friends do, but it all comes from from a place of genuine respect and friendship that is rare in the world of television. Every show wants to create that comfortable feeling and welcoming vibe for an audience, but it’s hard to do that when pieces change constantly. After eight years with the same group, they don’t have to worry about that, and their comfort and excitement to talk ball with each other is a separator in a crowded landscape of football studio shows.

“It was always, ‘Be somebody that someone would watch on TV and want to hang out with.’ I think that’s who we are, and sometimes I feel like I’m just hanging out on the show,” Zucker says. “Saturdays are a million miles an hour. You’re watching 20 games on screens. You’re trying to regurgitate stuff to the viewer as soon as you can. It’s raw. Tuesday, it’s been digested and we’re kind of the bridge between weeks. I feel like we capture the spirit of college football, whether that can feel like a locker room or just like five guys hanging out. Rick and BJ and I are together on the weekends, but Randy and Aaron have been at games. There’s always so much to talk about among us, whether it’s alma maters, or we all watch the same thing, and it’s constant. We text each other like crazy on Saturdays. Saturday is like buying a present on your way to a birthday party and dropping it off, but Tuesdays, we’ve put it all together and got it in a nice bag with all the tissue paper, and we get to have a blast with it.”

“We genuinely care about each other, I love these guys and Amy,” Jones says. “I get so giddy when I’m headed to that studio — albeit I’m always late. I just love it. When I show up, there’s a pep in your step. You know you’re about to go in there with your buddies and, essentially, your family – your football family – and make magic. And it never gets old. It’s never stale. You get your football fix and you’re gonna get your fun fix with Inside College Football, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wanna have a damn good time no matter what it is I’m doing.”

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Little Simz Confronts Her Father In The Heart-Torn ‘I Love You, I Hate You’ Video

During the run-up to the release of her new album Sometimes I Might Be Introvert, Little Simz released the poignant single, “I Love You, Hate You,” addressing her conflicted feelings about her father. Now, she’s released an equally poignant video for the song, depicting visually the narrative of the growing distance between herself and her dad.

Simz’s album rollout also included videos for “Introvert,” “Woman,” and “Point And Kill” with Obongjayar, and recently announced her 2022 North American tour. You can see the dates for that below.

Aside from releasing the above-mentioned videos, Simz also raised her profile in a few other interesting ways. In August, she made her US television debut on The Tonight Show with a performance of “Woman” and gave a cozy Tiny Desk Concert performance. Most recently, she remixed her 2019 song “Venom” for the Sony/Marvel film of the same name.

05/01/2022 — Portland, OR @ Hawthorne Theatre
05/02/2022 — Seattle, WA @ The Crocodile
05/05/2022 — San Francisco, CA @ The Independent
05/11/2022 — Los Angeles, CA @ El Rey Theater
05/15/2022 — Chicago, IL @ Reggie’s
05/17/2022 — Toronto, ON @ The Axis Club
05/19/2022 — Boston, MA @ The Sinclair
05/21/2022 — Philadelphia, PA @ Foundry
05/23/2022 — Washington, DC @ Union Stage
05/25/2022 — New York, NY @ Webster Hall

Watch Little Simz’s “I Love You, I Hate You” video above.

Sometimes I Might Be Introvert is out now via Age 101. Listen to it here.

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Ed Sheeran Previews Every Song On His New Album ‘=’ With A Series Of YouTube Shorts

In a matter of days, Ed Sheeran’s new album = will be out in the world. Until then, though, fans must wait, but today, they’ve been given an opportunity to get an early look at the album, as Sheeran has shared snippets of every song from it. This comes as part of a series of YouTube Shorts.

Each of the clips run for somewhere between 14 and 30 seconds, and in them, Sheeran shares some video related to the song. For example, he gets in an ice bath for “Shivers” while “First Time” is a sweet and romantic clip.

Sheeran says of the clips, “I had a really fun day shooting my YouTube Shorts. I’ve always really enjoyed the music video process, so it was fun to explore a new way of doing that by channeling each song’s theme in a unique way, while also giving you a sneak peek of the album!”

Lyor Cohen, Global Head Of Music at YouTube, also notes, “From day one, I knew Ed and his music would have a lasting, global impact and that remains true today. Ed Sheeran is a storyteller and I am so stoked he is using YouTube Shorts to give his fans an audio and visual preview of his incredibly powerful new album. This is going to be an unforgettable moment.”

Check out all the shorts above and below or find the YouTube playlist here.

= is out 10/29 via Atlantic Records. Pre-order it here.

Ed Sheeran is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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The ‘Cowboys For Trump’ Founder Has Finally Turned On Donald, Right In The Middle Of A QAnon Conference

Life comes at you fast. Back in May 2020, Cowboys for Trump founder Couy Griffi merrily rode down a nearly deserted 5th avenue in New York City, as seen in the above photo. Yes, of course he was on a horse and wearing the customary regalia for a guy who founded a group called Cowboys for Trump. Fast forward less than 18 months, and it’s been a hell of a ride for this formerly die-hard MAGA. He also recently withstood, as a county commissioner in southern New Mexico’s Otero County, a recall effort, and he hasn’t been afraid to back up approximately 70 insurrectionists who were jailed following the January 6 siege on the U.S. Capitol.

However, Griffi feels quite differently these days about Donald Trump, so he’s renouncing his fandom. As Raw Story reports, he feels disillusioned and silly for believing that Trump really wanted to lock Hillary Clinton behind bars, and now, Donald is hanging out at Mar-a-Lago and whining about Fox News commercials while his (presidentially-spurred-on) insurrectionists sit behind bars. Here’s what Griffi said, onstage, during a Las Vegas QAnon convention over the weekend:

“We supported President Trump because of his fight for justice as well, and for four years we cried ‘Lock her up. Lock her up. Lock her up.’ … What did the president tell us? ‘If I was in charge of the law, you’d be in jail.’ OK, Mr. President, you were in charge of the law for four years. At the end of your four year time, the only ones that were locked up were men like me, and others like me, that have stood by the president the strongest.”

Yep, it sounds like Griffi’s finally seen the writing on the wall, and unlike many of his QAnon colleagues (including the infamous Shaman), at least he still has his freedom. Also, good luck to us all for hearing about “Cowboys for Trump” and being able to get a certain Pantera riff out of our heads in the next century.

(Via Raw Story)

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‘Succession’ Report Card: Everyone Wants To Be King Potato

The Succession Report Card is a weekly recap feature where we attempt to assign grades to the important people, things, and themes from each episode of Succession. The grades are entirely subjective and the criteria for scoring will change from week to week and occasionally mid-week. Someone might get detention. It’ll probably be Roman.

FAILING

Roman

HBO

It feels weird to put Roman in the Failing category. He had a decent episode this week, between getting off a bunch of good lines and working his little power play with Gerri and having Logan go to him to ask if Shiv is “solid.” He was kind enough to pick up pastries from the airport. Things have been worse for him.

And yet… not great. Logan is clearly just using him to get information on the favored children, and multiple people are saying how stupid his plan to not cooperate with the government was, and Shiv was so mean to him that he stormed out of a child’s bedroom about it all, and he called Gerri to ask for her advice about a situation that could ruin her. He remains an eight-year-old boy at all times and everyone knows it but him. I sometimes expect an episode to open with him just banging toy trucks together.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Finishing puberty

Various Franks, Karls, and Karolinas

HBO

Just once, I want an episode where Karl and Frank go golfing together and talk a bunch of crap about their jobs. Like, that’s the whole episode. They’re just golfing and talking and taking/ignoring calls and plotting about leaving Waystar to start their own business but knowing deep down they’ll never follow through. I bet Karl is a great golfer. I bet he could shoot a 77 without hitting the range first. I bet Frank launches a dozen balls into the trees every round. I think about these things a lot.

GRADE: F

MUST IMPROVE: Career strategy, not tying their sensitive parts to runaway trains.

Tom

HBO

Tom is up to something. The wheels are turning. Shiv is hiding things and not really feeling enthused about giving him the “I love you” he needs sometimes. He sees Logan tossing children to the lions and even Greg making moves. Tom is going to do something drastic.

Or, like, he won’t. You can never tell with him. He moves from bully to coward so quickly sometimes that I wonder if this is a situation like The Prestige and there are actually two Toms. I call this the Two-Tom Theory.

GRADE: D+

MUST IMPROVE: Getting his partner to show any affection at all, not being one step away from becoming the sacrificial lamb at all times.

Kendall

HBO

Kendall does this thing where he flips back and forth between triumph and failure without ever stopping in the middle. It’s got to be an exhausting way to live. Look at the scene in his daughter’s bedroom. He has his siblings there and is giving this high-minded and borderline delusional speech about the future of the company and/or the world and thinks everything is falling into place, but then, yoink, everything goes sideways and bad and he ends up shouting the word “teets” at his sister more than once. It’s not great. He’s like if Charlie Brown had a billion dollars and a full head of hair and a lingering problem with amphetamines.

He’s back on an island now. Even Greg is wavering. He’s going to make so many sad hangdog face next week and I’m going to screencap them all. We all have a part to play.

GRADE: D

MUST IMPROVE: Remembering children’s names, not shouting things like “teets,” finding something resembling a middle ground for once in his life

TREADING WATER

Gerri

HBO

To recap:

  • Was installed as CEO and took a picture of the television screen as the announcement scrolled across the ticker, as though she is not now the CEO of a massive multimedia company who can just get a copy of the video or even a hi-res screenshot emailed to her within the hour
  • Is kind of getting bossed around by Roman of all people?
  • Is looking more and more like a puppet who will be tossed aside at some point as a way to wash everyone’s hands of the situation

Not ideal!

GRADE: C-

MUST IMPROVE: Making screencaps.

Connor

HBO

Connor is a doofus and a zero, generally, but I’m starting to feel bad for him. A little. I think it was the face he made when Logan called him “kiddo” and “number one,” but like, lazily, like Logan couldn’t even be bothered to give it the B- manipulation he gives the other kids.

I don’t know. I need to think about this one some more. If I’m not careful, I might end up claiming he’s my favorite character on the show, just out of pity. This can’t happen. I must remain vigilant.

GRADE: C-

MUST IMPROVE: I mean, uh, just kind of “life,” generally.

Lia, Greg’s 1L friend

HBO

Imagine being her professor and getting a text from her, at night, about a legal situation involving a Fortune 500 company with political connections out the wazoo that is in the middle of a very public crisis involving sexual harassment and assault.

I suspect the reply was something like “RUN.”

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Decisions, career choice, etc.

Logan

HBO

Logan notes:

  • It is deeply funny to me that at least one of his children uses a picture of Saddam Hussein for him on their phone
  • Let’s all agree to try to shout the phrase “I’M LOSING JUICE” at least once this week, if only because it seems fun
  • It says a lot about his relationship with his children that he can send them a dozen donuts and send them into separate and distinct tailspins about it all

Also, not a rush but still important, I need one of you to open up a little place called Relevant Donuts, preferably near my house. Nothing fancy. Just donuts and breakfast sandwiches and coffee. I’ll come every Saturday.

GRADE: C

MUST IMPROVE: Juice retention

Shiv

HBO

Real good news, bad news kind of week for Shiv. The good news is that she’s apparently getting installed as a high-ranking executive in the company to be Logan’s eyes and ears after a brief flirtation with joining Kendall, until Kendall did, you know, the whole thing Kendall does sometimes. Shiv is somehow the most competent of the Roy children and also a complete disaster who gets yo-yoed around by Logan constantly through the giving and withholding of attention/affection/respect. We are still technically in the good news section of our discussion. This speaks volumes.

The bad news is, uh, almost everything else. She’s kind of flailing right now, leaping between whichever situation looks better in the moment and having weird phone conversations with her mostly cuckolded husband and getting burned by high-powered attorneys she considers friends and kind of being juuuuuust a little too mean to Roman while lounging on a bed that belongs to her niece.

Shiv is interesting right now. Things could go a lot of different ways for her. We will continue to monitor this.

GRADE: C+

MUST IMPROVE: Not saying the meanest thing possible to people she allegedly cares about, taking responsibility

Pugh, the incredibly intransigent socialist lawyer

HBO

I feel like I am going to like this guy a lot. Still too early to tell. But meeting a new client and promptly informing him that one of your two primary goals — after his safety and protection, of course — is exposing and undermining the entire theory of capitalism using him as a wedge… I mean, yeah. I feel like I am going to like him. I hope this case ends up in front of the Supreme Court and he comes rolling into oral arguments 20 minutes late with a trail of loose papers blowing through the air behind him.

GRADE: B

MUST IMPROVE: Organization, using email

HEAD OF THE CLASS

Ewan

HBO

Ewan is here to ruin Logan and maybe save the environment and use as many large words as he can in the process. There was a thing in this episode where he described Kendall’s press conference as “histrionic and meretricious” to Greg and Greg, with no clue what either of those words meant in that context, replied, “Tell me about it.” They are a wonderful comedy team. I want them to go on a road trip together to Burning Man.

GRADE: B+

MUST IMPROVE: Longevity, if only so he gets to keep doing all of this

Cousin Greg

HBO

My sweet boy is in crisis, getting harangued by lawyers and torn between wealthy family members and worrying, adorably, if he’s too young to be getting pulled in front of Congress this much. He’s also started throwing around the word “necessarily” a lot, like it’s a little forcefield to deflect getting yelled at. He did it like four times on the phone with Tom and I started giggling a little harder each time.

All that said, and even just now remembering the thing where he heard a knock on a door and immediately went into “OH GOD WHAT NOW” panic mode, my favorite Cousin Greg moment of the week, by far, was him unfolding his lanky body out of an Uber while saying, out loud, “five stars.”

GRADE: A-

MUST IMPROVE: Leave him alone

Stewy

HBO

All Stewy does lately is take secret meetings on scenic Greek islands or on the sidewalk in stylish leather jackets or inside $100,000 SUVs while still wearing the stylish leather jacket from the sidewalk thing. I should hate everything about him, in theory. He’s just a crappy money vulture who brings nothing of value to any situation and exists to create chaos when he smells vulnerability. We could do without people like him. We’d be fine.

And yet… I love him. Very conflicting.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: I feel like Stewy should get a cat and just sit there petting it during more of his secret meetings

Jess Jordan

HBO

Jess Jordan continues to rocket up the list of characters I want a full-on origin story about. How did she end up here, of all places, shuttling Roy children into and out of various bedrooms and apartments? It’s fascinating to me. She does this thing sometimes where she looks at her phone and her eyes light up with alarm and she rushes into or out of a room in silence and it is probably my second favorite character reaction on the show right now, just behind that little sigh/wheeze/chuckle thing Roman does at the end of a sentence sometimes.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: Anything that will allow her to look at her phone less

Marcia

HBO

Marcia is maybe the most cutthroat operator on this entire show and I respect and fear her a great deal for this. She knows she’ll never get a real apology from Logan for the various humiliations and infidelities he’s put her through, but she also knows her value and sees the angle. No groveling? Fine. But she is going to get her financial position secured, believe that. Logan won’t “eat shit” in person because that’s not his way, but he’ll sure as hell sign off on a check with a bunch of zeros. She knows that. They’re both great white sharks, they just hunt differently. It’s a good match.

GRADE: A

MUST IMPROVE: I don’t want to list anything here because I’m afraid of the look she’ll give me if she sees it