Everyone who’s seen his The Simpsons impressions knows Ted Cruz isn’t funny. But lots of people aren’t funny. Like me, for instance, or anyone who thinks it would be amusing to go as Joe Exotic this Halloween. But the Texas senator is a special kind of unfunny — he’s profoundly unfunny, as comedian Paul F. Tompkins explained on Twitter.
In response to an article about Patton Oswalt canceling tour dates because certain states (ahem Utah AHEM Florida) refuse to take COVID seriously, Cruz tweeted, “Both of his fans were disappointed.” Cruz has 4.5 million followers on Twitter; Oswalt has 4.7 million. But beyond that, the senator’s joke (“joke”?) doesn’t make a lick of sense.
“It’s not just that Ted Cruz isn’t funny, it’s that his premises are faulty. Anyone can be unfunny but to start with a premise that is not based on reality is the sign of someone who truly does not know how comedy works,” Tompkins tweeted. “All the people who liked the tweet and think this is a good burn suffer from this same condition. They don’t know what is actually funny, they just like things to sound like something they themselves would have said.” The BoJack Horseman star added, “To say nothing of the fact that Ted Cruz is, of course, vaccinated.”
I fully expect Cruz to respond to PFT with a “you’re right… NOT” joke.
It’s not just that Ted Cruz isn’t funny, it’s that his premises are faulty. Anyone can be unfunny but to start with a premise that is not based on reality is the sign of someone who truly does not know how comedy works. pic.twitter.com/cYMgi1wJbj
You know who knows how comedy works? Patton Oswalt! (Ted needs to stop picking fights with comedians.) “Okay Ted, here we go… Not as disappointed as Texas was when you cut your Cancun vacation short and came home,” he responded to Cruz, along with, “Ted, you Tweeted this at 1am. Put the phone down and return to liquid form for a few hours” and “I’m so flattered you took time from your porn scrolling for this, Ted.”
While doing some promotional press for the fight — which sees Evander Holyfield face off against Vitor Belfort in the boxing match absolutely no one asked for — Trump felt the need to challenge his political opponent to a meeting of fists. Trump told reporters he knew exactly who he’d like to face in the ring when quizzed on who he’d think he’d best in a fight, and the answer was, predictably, the guy who beat him in the 2020 election.
“Well if I had to pick somebody in the world, not a professional boxer because I’ll take a pass on the professional boxers,” Trump said (via Raw Story), “I think probably my easiest fight would be Joe Biden because I think he’d go down very, very quickly. Very, very quickly. He’d be in big trouble. I think Biden would go down within the first few seconds.”
Just to reiterate, Trump, a man who sits behind a desk all day long drinking diet cokes and eating ungodly amounts of fast food, thinks he could outlast Biden, a former military guy who works out five days a week and has a Peloton bike, in a bout of fisticuffs. We just don’t see it.
When it comes to drinking whiskey, there are a lot of choices. You can go the simple route and enjoy a glass of bourbon, scotch, or rye neat, on the rocks, or mixed into your favorite cocktail. Or you can ramp up your autumn drinking by sipping on a flavored whiskey that attempts to capture the season.
Wait! Wait! Don’t leave yet!
We get it, flavored whiskey is a bit of a sore subject. There are countless low-quality, cloyingly sweet whiskeys that taste more like ethanol mixed with corn syrup than actual whiskey. In fact, we have a proud history of flavored whiskey skepticism. But while there is a lot of trash out there, we’re starting to see some well-crafted choices emerge as well.
Below, you’ll find eight of our favorite fall-themed flavored whiskeys. From pumpkin to caramel to apples to smoked maple — we’ve got all your seasonal flavors represented. Check the list, click on the prices to try them yourself, and then tell us in the comments whether we’re wrong and these are swill.
If you’re a pumpkin ales drinker, you likely know all about Southern Tier Pumking. It has all the pumpkin, fall spices, and richness of the beer in a 70 proof whiskey.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is filled with notes of pumpkin pie, buttercream, fall spices, and vanilla. The flavor is all fall with hints of pumpkin, cinnamon, cloves, caramel, vanilla, and Graham crackers. With all that flavor, it manages to still be fairly drinkable and not overpowering.
Bottom Line:
If you want to drink a pumpkin pie in whiskey form, it’s hard to beat Southern Tier Pumking Whiskey. This 70 proof flavored whiskey delivers exactly what it promises.
One of the highest regarded flavored whiskeys on the market, Knob Creek Smoked Maple also might be the best sipper on this list. Unlike many of the flavored whiskeys on the market, this one is surprisingly potent and complex. It’s simply a straight bourbon blended with smoked maple flavors.
Tasting Notes:
Complex aromas of wood smoke, maple candy, and sweet vanilla are prevalent on the nose. The palate swirls with more smoke and maple syrup as well as buttery caramel, rich oak, and a nice vanilla backbone. The finish is mellow, slightly sweet, and nicely smoky.
Bottom Line:
When it comes to flavored whiskeys suitable for fall sipping, there is none more balanced than Knob Creek Smoked Maple.
This flavored whiskey starts with a base of the brand’s award-winning straight bourbon. It’s infused with roots, herbs, and various spices. This results in a sweet, rich, caramel backbone that’s only complemented by the addition of spice.
Tasting Notes:
You’ll first be met with aromas of cracked black pepper, cloves, caramel corn, and various other wintry spice. The palate is spicy with notes of pepper, clover honey, buttery toffee, and vanilla beans. It all ends with a nice sweet to spice ratio.
Bottom Line:
This is an indulgent fall sipper that’s spicy and robust enough to enjoy well into the colder winter months.
If you’re a fan of Canadian whisky, you’ve probably enjoyed a glass or three of Crown Royal over the years. If you really want to add a little tang to your fall, you’ll grab a bott of the brand’s Regal Apple. This flavored whisky is made using Crown Royal’s blended whisky base that’s then infused with crisp Regal Gala apple flavors.
Tasting Notes:
On the nose, you’ll be treated to scents of cinnamon, spices, caramel apples, and slight vanilla. The palate is a great combination of crisp, tart apple, sweet caramel, slight spices, and rich, oaky whisky. The finish is filled with more apple and caramel sweetness.
Bottom Line:
This is definitely a whisky for fans of strong apple flavor. But it’s not just sugary apple flavor. It’s complex, sweet, and highly mixable or sippable.
By now, we’re sure you’ve tried a cinnamon-flavored whiskey like Fireball. We also know there are better options available. This includes Jim Beam Kentucky Fire. This blend of cinnamon liqueur and straight bourbon whiskey is a perfect sipper for cool fall weather.
Tasting Notes:
The aroma is all Red Hots candy. There’s cinnamon, caramel, vanilla, and a nice, rich charred oak scent. Sipping it brings forth notes of caramel apples, spicy cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, toasted vanilla beans, and more oak at the very end.
Bottom Line:
This is the spicy, cinnamon whiskey you should be drinking this fall. It’s the perfect warmer for a tailgate or end-of-season backyard barbecue.
Ole Smoky made its name with moonshine, but the Gatlinburg, Tennessee distillery is also cranking out great flavored whiskeys. This includes its Salty Caramel whiskey. This 60 proof corn-based whiskey is known for its salted caramel and boozy flavor.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is sweet cream, salted caramel, sweet corn, and subtle spices. The palate is filled with hints of brown sugar, sea salt, buttery caramel, vanilla beans, and more corn. It’s exactly what you expect from a salted caramel whiskey.
Bottom Line:
This salted caramel whiskey is so decadent it should be enjoyed as an after-dinner dessert drink. Or, better yet, pour it over vanilla ice cream for a boozy, fall treat.
Ballotin is a brand that does one thing, but it does it really well. It produces chocolate-infused whiskey. It also comes in a variety of flavors including Peanut Butter Chocolate. This 60 proof whiskey has a peanut butter cup on the label because it’s a whiskey that’s blended with, you guessed it, chocolate and peanut butter.
Tasting Notes:
This whiskey smells like a peanut butter cup. There are notes of roasted peanuts, caramel, fudgy chocolate, and some vanilla beans thrown in there. The flavor is more peanut butter, and milk chocolate, and caramel candy, along with some cinnamon and toasted marshmallow.
Bottom Line:
If you could melt down a peanut butter cup and add a nice whiskey flavor, this is exactly what it would taste like. Since that seems like a lot of work, we suggest drinking this whiskey instead.
Wild Turkey makes honey-infused and it’s definitely well-suited for fall sipping. It’s pretty tasty. But if you want to add a little spice to the fall, try the spicier American Honey Sting. It’s a blend of Wild Turkey Straight Bourbon, real honey, and spicy heat from the addition of ghost peppers.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is highlighted by sweet clover honey, slight pepper, and corn sweetness. Sipping it reveals more honey, buttery caramel, toffee, cinnamon sugar, and just a hint of peppery heat at the very end. The honey and hot peppers work in unison to temper each other.
Bottom Line:
Some fall days are downright chilly, and they require an extra kick to warm you up. This spicy, peppery, sweet whiskey is perfect for those days.
As a Drizly affiliate, Uproxx may receive a commission pursuant to certain items on this list.
Blood Brothers: Malcolm X & Muhammad Ali (Netflix film) — This documentary shines light on the friendship of the iconic twin-figures of Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali, whose extraordinary friendship (and falling out) reverberated throughout the 20th century. Kenya Baris and director Marcus A. Clarke celebrate the legendary bond in question with the help of family members and luminaries including Cornel West and Al Sharpton. In the end, their positions within the Nation of Islam’s leadership sees ups and downs and, overall, a legendary retelling of what really went down.
Kin: (AMC+ series) — Charlie Cox stars in this new Irish series about a tight-knit crime family that’s drawn into wartime mode with a mighty drug kingpin. The family soon discovers that this is an unwinnable war, yet as the losses begin to mount, it becomes clear that the cartel is at one distinct disadvantage: they’re not bound by unbreakable blood bonds. The cartel does, however, have a host of exotic pets and some snazzy costumes and celebrity status, so this is a heck of a story.
Frogger: Season 1 (Peacock series) — The classic, squish-filled arcade game gets the adaptation treatment from Holey Moley producers Eureka Productions. Damon Wayans Jr. hosts as contestants attempt to conquer a series of lily pads while attempting to win the cash prizes that are, surely, more valuable to them than the moving vehicles or flooded streets that they attempt to conquer. Obstacles will include Frogs in Space and Frog Skull Island, so you can’t resist watching at least once.
It Couldn’t Happen Here: Season 1 (Sundance TV and AMC+ series) — Hilarie Burton Morgan hosts this look at stories that have taken a back seat to the more sensational true-crime accounts out there. In doing so, she helps to examine local stories that tear apart the very fabric of the communities in which they surface, with a glimpse of the unique challenges of each afflicted community.
What We Do in the Shadows (FX, 10:00 & 10:30pm) — Well, well, well. Guillermo turned out to be a vampire killer, which sure as heck came as a surprise to Nandor, Nadja, and Laszlo, and Colin. The four Staten Island roommates must figure out how to handle this conundrum, along with tackling the other challenges of this season. Those include dealing with wellness cults and gym culture, along with gargoyles, werewolves who play kickball, casinos, and more. In addition, the vamps also receive a higher level of powers while Nandor experiences an eternal-life crisis, which forces him to examine whether he should be a bachelor for eternity or embrace love. This week, an ancient vehicle and an old flame both see resurrection.
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert — Sarah Paulson, Kacey Musgraves
The Other Two: Season 1 (HBO Max series) — Lorne Michaels of SNL fame executive produces this series that’s created, written, and also executive produced by Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider (formerly co-head writers of SNL). The cast includes Drew Tarver, Heléne Yorke, Case Walker, Ken Marino, and Molly Shannon, and the plot follows a showbiz family, in which a 14-year-old pop star decides that it’s time to officially retire. Meanwhile, the family’s 53-year-old matriarch (Shannon) is enjoying ubiquity of her own, so “The Other Two” will do everything they can to shine as well.
Star Trek: Lower Decks: Season 2 (Paramount+ series) — This animated series from Rick and Morty writer (and Solar Opposites creator) Mike McMahan takes things to the year 2380 (after the original Star Trek beginning in 2265), where the U.S.S. Cerritos aren’t the heroes that you’re expecting. These are junior officers who are not pleased at their lack of power while confronting bizarre alien anomalies like enormous bugs and other such comedic-slanted creatures. This violent show’s got a PG-13-like feel.
One of the most beloved games ever is Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. The Star Wars RPG from Bioware received almost universal praise from both video game fans and those who love the franchise because of how it took the universe, told an incredible story, and gave players the choice to be on the side of the Jedi or the Sith. However, it’s been almost 20 years since the game was originally released and fans have been asking for a continuation, remake, or something related to that universe ever since.
On Thursday, fans finally received their wish … sort of. A remake of Knights of the Old Republic is currently in development. This means that fans will finally be able to return back to the Star Wars universe and replay a the story on modern hardware.
This is a remake that has been a long time coming. Fans have been begging for a return to the KOTOR formula for years, but it always felt like it was never going to happen. The original developer, Bioware, is currently more focused on other IPs such as Mass Effect and Dragon Age. It never felt like they had the time, or resources, to make a remake for KOTOR. However, with this being developed by Aspyr, that obviously will not be a problem.
Immediate questions that we want answers to: How faithful is this remake going to be? Is it going to be the exact same game but with better graphics, or do they take some liberties and try to improve on the classic? We’re just going to have to wait for more information as the game goes through the development process, but ultimately, those who love Knights of the Old Republic will certainly be excited with what’s in the cards.
It took a minute, but GoldLink has finally gotten around to dropping a video for his single “Raindrops” featuring Flo Milli after debuting the song itself earlier this summer. The video borrows from a few different inspirations throughout, including the video game Dance Dance Revolution, millennial-era MTV video countdowns, and Drake’s meme-launching video for “Hotline Bling.” Opening with a meta look at the trappings of a video shoot, much of the clip focuses on GoldLink dancing inside a glowing, color-changing cube — sound familiar? Meanwhile, Milli appears in a relatively straight shot in a hot pink ensemble to perform the hook.
“Raindrops” was the second single released from GoldLink’s third album Haram!, which dropped in June and featured appearances from Flo Milli, NLE Choppa, Pressa, and Santigold. GoldLink announced the album in June with “White Walls,” and with the release of the video for “Raindrops” and the Flo Milli feature, he looks to keep some momentum going.
A new 30-day pilot program at the Miami International Airport has enlisted man’s best friend to help stop the spread of COVID-19. Cobra and Beta are among the world’s first canines trained to sniff out the virus and they are using their skills to detect potentially infected travelers before they board flights.
“We’re blessed in Miami-Dade County to have the first COVID-sniffing dogs — actually, we have a couple of them — and it’s the first airport anywhere that’s utilizing this type of technology in our four-legged friends,” Miami-Dade Commission Chair Jose “Pepe” Diaz said, adding that they’re a “big win for the community.”
Early studies show they’re incredibly good at their new jobs.
“The dogs are 97% accurate,” an airport official said. “I mean, it’s the same as a PCR test, so it’s a great thing.” The dogs have been trained to detect the scent of COVID-19 on face masks and when they come across the virus, they jump to alert their handlers.
The dogs are part of a program with Florida International University (FIU) and were taught to detect the virus by smelling face coverings from recovering COVID-19 patients at the Baptist Health South Florida hospital.
Researchers used ultraviolet light on the masks to kill the virus without eradicating its smell. Then the dogs were exposed to masks with and without the virus to learn how to differentiate between the two.
The dogs’ trainers say they’re one of the most reliable ways to detect the virus and they will not need special training to recognize new variants.
Although the research on dogs and COVID-19 isn’t robust, there have been a few reports of dogs getting the virus. But according to the Centers for Disease Control, COVID-19 doesn’t pose much of a risk to them.
“Of the pets that have gotten sick, most only had mild illness and fully recovered,” the CDC says on its website. “Serious illness in pets appears to be extremely rare.”
If this pilot program is successful it could be a huge win for public health. COVID-sniffing dogs could be used at just about any large gathering of people to detect those with the virus. Authorities could pull aside those who set off a dog’s covid senses and they could be given a rapid test to confirm the results.
Cobra and Beta are able to detect the smell of COVID-19 because they have a sense of smell that is so developed it’s nearly impossible for humans to imagine.
It’s estimated that dogs can smell anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 times better than humans. They have 100 million sensory receptors in their nasal cavities compared to a human’s six million. The area of the canine brain that processes scent is 40 times larger than that of a human.
Let’s hope that the test goes well and that man’s best friend can give us one more option to protect ourselves from the coronavirus.
September 11, 2021 marks the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Two decades, yet in many ways it still feels like yesterday.
We’ll never know how much worse the attack could have been, how many more buildings would have been hit if flights had not been grounded after two planes hit the World Trade Center and another hit the Pentagon. But we do know that the heroic acts of passengers and crew members on Flight 93 prevented one attack, likely on the U.S. Capitol or the White House.
After learning about the attacks in New York, passengers and crew aboard Flight 93 realized they were part of a planned attack and took matters into their own hands. A group of them stormed the cockpit and foiled the plan. The terrorists ended up crashing the plane in a rural area of Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania, east of Pittsburgh. No one survived the crash.
To honor those on board Flight 93, Pittsburgh-based chalk artist Erik Greenawalt (also known as The Chalking Dad) and a team of artists are creating chalk portraits of each passenger and crew member at the Flight 93 National Memorial site.
The Flight 93 National Memorial shared photos of some of the portraits in progress on Wednesday, and they are stunning.
The 10 artists are using photos from the National Parks Service to create the portraits on 3-foot by 5-foot charcoal-covered canvases, which can be moved under cover if inclement weather hits. Visitors to the memorial can watch the artists work while they tour the grounds.
“I think it gives people who walk by a chance to stop and sort of absorb a little bit more of who they were—to see them as individuals,” artist Shelley Brenner told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “They were people with families, neighborhoods, their own lives.”
For those who knew the passengers and crew personally, the portraits honoring their loved ones are particularly mpactful.
“The Chalking Dad” has been busy creating chalk portraits of the heroes of Flight 93 ahead of the 9/11 anniversary.… https://t.co/FqH08DkITh
Art is a powerful tool for creating a collective experience, so a live art installation that commemorates the 40 individuals whose lives were lost while stopping a terrorist attack feels like a fitting tribute.
Thank you, artists, for always helping us process our emotions and experiences in the most beautiful way possible.
In case you missed it, Drake and Kanye West don’t currently have a thriving interpersonal relationship. The pair is beefing at the moment, and as part of that, Drake premiered an unreleased West song while guest-hosting Sound 42, his SiriusXM radio show on the OVO Sound channel. Furthermore, the track, titled “Life Of The Party,” included some shots at Drake.
The song apparently existed in other forms before it became targeted at the Toronto rapper, since Tyler The Creator says he heard an earlier version of the song. He was a big fan of it, too, as he exalted it on Twitter yesterday, writing, “man i heard life of the party a few months back and lost my mind. song is beautiful man i want to eat it. very anita baker styled progression. original verse was so warm and true. pretty.”
man i heard life of the party a few months back and lost my mind. song is beautiful man i want to eat it. very anita baker styled progression. original verse was so warm and true. pretty
It appears the song has had free real estate in Tyler’s head for the past few days: Last weekend, he quoted some lines for it on Twitter and showed love to Andre 3000’s performance on the track. The admiration is mutual, as Andre wrote in a statement about the song after it leaked, “I just want to work with people that inspire me. Hopefully I can work with Kendrick [Lamar] on his album. I’d love to work with Lil’ Baby, Tyler and Jay-Z. I respect them all.”
Fleetwood Mac have certainly had their fair share of ups-and-downs as a band over the years, some of which culminated in 2018 when former guitarist and Stevie Nicks ex Lindsey Buckingham parted ways with the group. Buckingham claims he didn’t learn about being fired from the band themselves, but instead received the news through his manager. Now, Nicks has spoken out about what exactly transpired three years ago, claiming Buckingham’s account isn’t quite accurate.
Buckingham recently sat down with Rolling Stone for a lengthy interview about his new solo album. During the conversation, Buckingham claimed Fleetwood Mac let him go because he had asked them to delay a tour so that he could release a solo album. To him, Nicks was at fault.
“I think she wanted to shape the band in her own image, a more mellow thing, and if you look at the last tour, I think that’s true,” Buckingham said, going so far as to compare Nicks to Donald Trump. “I think others in the band just felt that they were not empowered enough, individually, for whatever their own reasons, to stand up for what was right,” Buckingham continued. “And so, it became a little bit like Trump and the Republicans.”
But Nicks didn’t let Buckingham’s slight go unanswered. Responding to Rolling Stone‘s request for comment, Nicks called Buckingham’s recollection of events “factually inaccurate”:
“It’s unfortunate that Lindsey has chosen to tell a revisionist history of what transpired in 2018 with Fleetwood Mac. His version of events is factually inaccurate, and while I’ve never spoken publicly on the matter, preferring to not air dirty laundry, certainly it feels the time has come to shine a light on the truth. Following an exceedingly difficult time with Lindsey at MusiCares in New York, in 2018, I decided for myself that I was no longer willing to work with him. I could publicly reflect on the many reasons why, and perhaps I will do that someday in a memoir, but suffice it to say we could start in 1968 and work up to 2018 with a litany of very precise reasons why I will not work with him. To be exceedingly clear, I did not have him fired, I did not ask for him to be fired, I did not demand he be fired. Frankly, I fired myself. I proactively removed myself from the band and a situation I considered to be toxic to my well-being. I was done. If the band went on without me, so be it. I have championed independence my whole life, and I believe every human being should have the absolute freedom to set their boundaries of what they can and cannot work with. And after many lengthy group discussions, Fleetwood Mac, a band whose legacy is rooted in evolution and change, found a new path forward with two hugely talented new members.”
Read Rolling Stone‘s full interview with Buckingham here.
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