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After being on vacation for the past few weeks, Stephen Colbert returned to The Late Show on Tuesday night where he promptly went to town on the latest right-wing fad dominating social media: Ivermectin. The horse drug’s manufacturer, Merck, and medical experts have been clear that the drug does not “cure” or treat COVID-19.

So if doctors aren’t prescribing ivermectin, where are right wingers and Joe Rogan devotees getting it? The livestock store. No, really. Folks have been buying up ivermectin horse paste, and Colbert immediately tackled the subject with a Mister Ed parody called “Doctor Ed.” In the short cold open, Doctor Ed walks into the middle of a surgery being performed and recommends ivermectin for everything. Except a broken leg, where he recommends a shotgun.

More bitingly, the parody video ends with a twist on the Mister Ed theme song: “A horse is a horse, of course, of course/don’t trust it as a medical source/that is of course unless the horse/is the famous Doctor Ed.”

Following the Mister Ed parody, Colbert kept the jabs coming as he mocked people complaining about the taste of the horse drug. “Ivermectin is ineffective against COVID, and when used incorrectly, it can kill you. Worst of all, it tastes yucky,” Colbert quipped. Via HuffPost:

“The terrible taste led one Facebook user to ask, ‘Can I squeeze the paste into my anus instead of my mouth?’” Colbert noted, then answered the question: “Last time I checked, this was America. You bet you can!”

In fact, he added, “It says right on the label: for a horse’s ass.”

Not to beat a dead horse here, but for the record, don’t ingest livestock medicine. It’s not safe, Willllburrr.

After Britney Spears spoke about her conservatorship in court this summer, many of her peers in music came forward with messages of support. That group includes Iggy Azalea, who collaborated with Spears on their 2015 single “Pretty Girls” and performed with her at at 2015 Billboard Music Awards. Now, in a new Instagram post, Spears reminisces about that performance and thanks Azalea for her support.

Sharing photos from the show, Spears wrote, “Me and Iggy on stage!!! It was so much fun working with such a strong, badass woman like her …. I haven’t met her new baby but if she’s reading this God bless you and thank you for all your kind words!!!! Pssss although the name of the song is Pretty Girls I think the concept is more like revenge of the NERDS !!!!”

In the comments, Azalea responded, “I absolutely adore you more than words (and I still have the barbies you gave me). Loving you always you brilliant, too-genius-for this-world-to-understand, kind hearted, gracious & beautifully ethereal being. We are definitely two big ole goofballs in the best way possible.”

Meanwhile, there has been a positive development on the #FreeBritney front: Spears’ father Jamie recently filed a petition to bring the years-long conservatorship to an end.

After a two-week vacation, Stephen Colbert returned to The Late Show stage on Tuesday night. And while much has happened in his absence—“there was continuing plague, war, floods, fires,” according to the host—there was really only one thing on viewers’ minds: What was that fuzzy white thing perched dangerously close to Colbert’s upper lip? Turns out, Colbert grew a mustache… or at least what he claims to be a mustache. He knew his viewers had a lot of questions, and took a proactive move in answering them:

“I’m sure you all have a lot of questions, like: Why? And: Really? And: Really, why? Well, it’s kind of a complicated story. I went on a vacation, and I didn’t shave. And then I shave this part of down here. Now, the reverse Abe Lincoln here has not gone over well with some—or so far, any. For example, my executive producer Chris, who is almost angry at my face right now.”

When Colbert asked Chris whether his fear was that the new facial hair was going to lose them viewers, his response was a confident: “Undoubtedly.”

Meanwhile, Twitter was indeed talking about Colbert’s new facial accouterment—and there were a variety of opinions, none of them a straight-up positive review. Some people just told it like it is: “Colbert’s mustache looks like he ate a powdered doughnut.”

Others simply begged the host to shave. Now: “Here to say I despise Stephen Colbert’s mustache. Well, ALL mustaches, really.”

While one person was truly angry: “Stephen Colbert with a mustache should be illegal and it makes me irrationally angry!! And I simply want to scream and throw a tantrum over this because there is already too much instability in my life rn!! And I just have so many questions. But the most important one is WHY??!!”

Others used memes to express their indifference:

One person, in what might have been a compliment, likened him to a broadcasting icon: “Stephen Colbert looks like Walter Cronkite with his mustache.”

But not all the comments were negative: “Do I only like Stephen Colbert’s mustache because I’m gay?”

Something tells us Colbert’s ‘stache will be a short-lived experiment—especially if his executive producer has anything to say about it.

You’re probably well aware by now that Texas enacted an oppressive new abortion law that not outlaws the (medical) practice at six weeks, and that’s not all. The law also allows any private citizen to sue someone (including doctors or anyone who even gives a patient a ride to a clinic) who assists a woman in getting an abortion. It’s scary stuff and a law that will disproportionally affect those women without the financial resources to head elsewhere to secure an abortion. And if one looks at the room full of white dudes who were present when Gov. Greg Abbott signed this thing into law, hoo boy.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (who has revealed herself to be a sexual assault survivor) saw straight through the bullsh*t of Abbott announcing that he planned to quickly round up all the rapists in the state of Texas, as well as his claim that six weeks is plenty of time for a woman to secure an abortion. During a discussion with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, AOC had no patience for Abbott’s clear misunderstanding of how the female anatomy works: “He speaks from such a place of deep ignorance, and it’s not just ignorance. It’s ignorance that’s hurting people.” That was only the beginning.

“I don’t know if he is familiar with a menstruating person’s body,” AOC said while laying the truth bare. “In fact, I do know that he’s not familiar with a female or menstruating person’s body because if he did he would know that you don’t have six weeks… In case no one has informed him before in his life, six weeks pregnant means two weeks late for your period.”

And it’s not even as simple the sheer math of the situation. AOC added that it’s quite normal, actually, for a period to run a few weeks late, which “can happen if you’re stressed, if your diet changes, or for really no reason at all.” So it is definitely not uncommon for a woman to not realize that she’s already six weeks pregnant. Not only that, but one actually cannot get an abortion until at least five weeks of pregnancy, so that only really gives a woman a week to get an abortion, and that’s if she immediately realizes that her late period is due to pregnancy.

AOC wasn’t done yet. She had some harsh truth to deliver about Abbott’s claims that he’ll handily round up rapists. “These aren’t just predators that are walking around the streets at night.” Rather, AOC pointed out that these are often relatives, family friends, teachers, and so on. “And when something like that happens it takes a very long time first of all for any victim to come forward,” let alone before six weeks into a pregnancy.

This Twitter reply to the CNN clip really says it all when it comes to Texas’ love of gun rights and absence of women’s rights.

Credit transcendent guests, luck, or underlying chemistry between guest and host, but sometimes late-night interviews can move from being inoffensive content to being a lot of fun and a great example of the form. This is exactly what happened on the latest Late Night with Seth Meyers when John Mulaney stopped by (for the first time since November 2020) to share the intimate details of his most eventful year. Really, it’s quite remarkable. Look down. See all these remarks?

I’m sure you know this, but for context’s sake: Meyers and Mulaney are long-time friends and colleagues, working together as writers on Saturday Night Live. Mulaney also had a brief stint writing for Meyers’ late-night show prior to going into rehab last year for substance abuse.

As the internet’s comedy boyfriend, the ups and downs of Mulaney’s life have drawn a lot of focus over the last 10 months. Well wishes and high anxiety over his struggles colored the moment when it was announced that he was going to rehab — a rare example of unified human empathy. But then we found out that he was getting divorced and rumors popped up — first that he was dating Olivia Munn and then that they were having a kid together — causing the internet to lose its sh*t because that’s not the narrative we picked out for him and his dog, Petunia.

Mulaney was all smiles on Late Night las… early this morning (I know days end at midnight but doesn’t it feel like it should be conversationally 5AM?), lavishing praise for Munn’s ability to weather his post-rehab self before confirming that he’s about to be a dad. Which is great. Mazel Tov! But that’s not the big takeaway from his appearance on Late Night.

No one owes anyone access into the sh*ttiest moments of their life, but it’s nevertheless interesting to see Mulaney casually converse on the timeline of his relapse and the apparently star-studded intervention that helped spur him to get help. He and Meyers are funny throughout — this isn’t a “very special episode” of Late Night — but the interview’s also unyielding in talking about the jeopardy Mulaney was in. And while it primarily stands as an example of A) the bond and trust between Mulaney and Meyers and B) Mulaney’s intent to keep diving into this part of his life as he gets out on the road as a part of a stand-up tour, it also incidentally helps to destigmatize conversations about falling down and reaching out for help. Which is a nice thing. Way to go, Kid Gorgeous.

When it comes to cocktails, few elicit more eye rolls from “bartenders” than the espresso martini. That’s sort of bullshit. I’ve worked in plenty of high-end cocktail bars and, trust me, this is not a hard cocktail to make. Nor is it insufferably loaded with ingredients or intent on masking the flavor of booze with sugar.

Sure, it takes longer than, say, a daiquiri but it’s really not any more difficult. And while there’s some sweetness, this is no appletini.

The crux of this drink is in the shot of espresso that goes into the mix. Some bars will have a bottle of pre-chilled espresso at the ready or they’ll make their own cold brew. Others will pull a shot of espresso for each espresso martini they shake (which is really what you want to do).

What you can’t do is cut a corner by using drip coffee or, gasp, instant coffee. If you don’t have an espresso machine on your counter, better grab some high-quality espresso cold brew from the supermarket — it’s a great fix in a pinch.

Okay, let’s get shaking!

Espresso Martini

Ingredients:

• 2-oz. vodka
• 1-oz. espresso
• 0.75-oz. coffee liqueur
• 0.25-oz. simple syrup
• Coffee beans
• Ice

I like to use higher-end vodka with this. You want one that adds a little something — vanilla, citrus, nuttiness, something. So in this case, I’m using one of my all-time favorites, Absolut Elyx.

As for the coffee liqueur, Kahlua is going to be your best bet. Sure, you can find some bespoke local distillery craft versions if you like. But there’s rarely been a coffee liqueur as good or reliable as Kahlua.

The last element is the espresso. I have an espresso machine on my counter. So I’m using that with a strong “creme” espresso bean from Italy. You can use a thicker cold brew or cold espresso but you won’t get quite the same textural experience. Drip coffee isn’t going to cut it. It’ll be too thin and not bring the depth you need for this cocktail.

But just to be clear: To get that really nice “cocktail bar” vibe to this cocktail, you need to pull a fresh shot of espresso. The creaminess on the top of that shot is a crucial textural element to this drink. Take a look at the espresso shot in the image below. Ideally, that’s what you want to start with.

What You’ll Need:

• Coupe, martini, or Nick and Nora glass
• Cocktail shaker
• Cocktail strainer
• Fine-mesh strainer
• Jigger

Method:

• Pre-chill your glass (preferably overnight).
• Make a shot of espresso.
• Pour the vodka, coffee liqueur, simple, and espresso into the cocktail shaker.
• Add about two handfuls of ice, affix the lid, and shake vigorously for about 30 seconds.
• Remove the glass from the freezer.
• Remove the lid from the shaker and double strain it into the waiting glass.
• Let the drink rest for at least 30 seconds, allowing the cocktail to settle and the foam to thicken on the top.
• Gently place a coffee bean in the center of the drink. It should float.
• Serve.

Bottom Line:

There’s no underselling how good one of these is after a long week, weekend, or just day. The coffee liqueur creates this almost creamy and nutty underbelly to the rich and equally creamy espresso.

The vodka works more as a thinner to cut through the thicker ingredients while adding a touch of minerality and maybe orange citrus. The simple syrup adds a slightly sweet edge. I like mine less sweet (or more sweetened from the Kahlua), so I dial it back. A lot of recipes call for equal parts simple and coffee liqueur and I think that’s just too sweet. But that’s just me.

Overall, this goes down very easily. It’s also pretty simple to make. Aside from making your own coffee (which, again, you don’t have to do… but should), this takes about 90 seconds to make from start to finish. That stretches out to just over two minutes when you add in pulling a shot of espresso.

So if a bartender ever rolls their eyes at you when you order this, know they’re full of shit. This is an easy, delicious, and relatively fast drink to master. Press them to try it or tell them you (and your date?) will just make your own back at your spot.

Cheap bourbon is getting better and better as the whiskey boom drives into its second decade. These days, you can find pretty killer bottles between $10 and $25 on pretty much every shelf around the country. Just to be clear, these aren’t going to be bottles stacked with unique flavor profiles or insanely high ABVs. But they will be perfectly drinkable, mixable, and crushable.

Honestly, what more can you ask for at this price point?

In our never-ending endeavor to better understand bourbon and share that knowledge with you, we decided to blind taste test and rank some cheap bourbons. We’re adding a twist this time though, I’m going to try and call out the brand of each of these bottles — completely blind. A lot of these bourbons are mainstays on my shelf for weekend mixing, so I feel like I know them pretty well. That being said, some of these bottles were pretty dusty when I pulled them down, so clearly I don’t reach for them that often.

Our lineup today is:

• Evan Williams Green Label ($11)
• Benchmark Old No. 8 ($11)
• Early Time Old Reserve ($14)
• Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 ($17)
• Jim Beam ($13)
• Buffalo Trace ($24)
• Wild Turkey 101 ($22)
• Bulleit Bourbon ($24)

I know I can spot Jack Daniel’s, Jim Beam, Wild Turkey, and Evan Williams from across the room. The other four on this list are a little less of my jam, so let’s see if I can logic this all out based on taste alone. If you want to try this challenge yourself, just click on the prices to grab your own bottle.

Let’s dive in!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of 2021

• The Best Bottles Of Bourbon Whiskey For Under $20, Ranked
• Our Favorite Bourbon Whiskey From Every Price Point Between $10-$200
• All 19 Brands From The Buffalo Trace Distillery, Ranked
• Here’s Who Won Our Big Barrel Proof Bourbon Whiskey Blind Taste Test
• The Best Bourbon Whiskeys To Drink Neat, From $50 On Up

Part 1: The Taste

Taste 1

Tasting Notes:

This has a solid layer of vanilla, caramel, and dry corn — think unpoped popcorn. The taste is pretty slight with notes of orange candy next to cornmeal, a touch of spice, and the idea of oak.

I’m using this as a calibration. I’ll start guessing brands on the next dram.

Taste 2

Tasting Notes:

This has a lemon candy nose with a touch of honey and then … nothing. The palate is classic vanilla and spice notes next to a slight buttery edge with a warm honey tobacco end.

This isn’t too bad but I don’t really recognize it. So I’m going with being Benchmark or Early Times for now.

Taste 3

Tasting Notes:

This opens with vanilla, butterscotch, and very light spice. The palate is warm but thin with a hint of dry wood next to the bitterness of apple and pear pits and maybe seeds. The end is thin and fades almost instantly.

Again, this is pretty new to me. So, I’m going with either Benchmark or Early Times again since those remain the two I’m least familiar with.

Taste 4

Tasting Notes:

Huge notes of buttery vanilla and rich cherry candy greet you on the nose, and this is Jack Daniel’s, baby! The palate is a balance of cinnamon spice, wet oak, dry corn, and banana bread with a slight walnut vibe. Still, the big fruit notes dominate this whole experience.

The nose gives this away immediately with all that bold cherry. But it’s really the texture of this sip that is undeniably more refined.

Taste 5

Tasting Notes:

This opens with a note of sweet corn next to caramel apples, a touch of cherry Coke, and a nice hint of spice. The taste is all about the wood with a dry edge leading towards caramel corn candy, a touch more spice, and a short and sweet cherry end.

This is Jim Beam through and through. That corn+cherry+wood makes this brand the world’s favorite bourbon for a reason. Admittedly that is a very similar flavor profile to the JD above, but this is much rougher (a lot woodier) and less “bam!” on the palate, comparatively speaking.

Taste 6

Tasting Notes:

Raw leather, Caro syrup, and eggnog spices? Hello, Buffalo Trace. That raw leather note drives the palate towards a nice mix of those spices next to bright red berries, rich vanilla, a touch of wet cedar bark, and a final sweet honey note.

That raw leather note is hard to get past and gives this one away immediately.

Taste 7

Tasting Notes:

Creamy vanilla, cedar notes, and a holiday cake spice and candied fruit matrix immediately mark this dram as Wild Turkey. The palate of rich vanilla pudding, brunt sugars, fruity tobacco, and butter toffee only confirms that fact.

This is also really complex and deep comparatively.

Taste 8

Tasting Notes:

This opens with vanilla next to damp oak, mild brown spices, and a touch of leather (meaning it’s certainly a little more expensive). The cinnamon drives the palate towards salted caramel apples with a hint of masa lurking in the background. The end is sweetened with brown sugar and a touch of buttery toffee.

I’d say this is Bulleit.

Part 2: The Ranking

First of all, I’m going to call out each brand for each taste.

• Taste 1 is Evan Williams. Though this was thinner, it still had that Evan vibe.
• Taste 2 is … I’m going to say this is Benchmark since the Buffalo Trace (taste 6) also had that same honey note.
• Taste 3 has to be Early Times then. I don’t know this well enough for it to be anything else.
• Taste 4 is Jack. There was no question.
• Taste 5 is Beam. See above.
• Taste 6 is Buffalo Trace. That raw leather on the nose really gives this away.
• Taste 7 is Wild Turkey. This is one of my favorite cheap bourbons and probably one that I know the best (besides JD).
• Taste 8 has to be Bulleit then.

8. Early Times Old Reserve — Taste 3

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $14

The Whiskey:

This is an interesting whiskey. The brand was just sold to Sazerac but Brown-Forman is still distributing the bottles (and this juice is from the Shively plant in Kentucky for now). Still, this isn’t a “straight” bourbon and was aged in both new and used oak, meaning that it’s more a blended whiskey at the end of the day.

Bottom Line:

“Meh…” was the main reaction to this. It’s perfectly fine for a cheap bourbon and will kill in bourbon and Coke or bourbon and ginger. But that’s about all there is to say.

7. Buffalo Trace — Taste 6

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $24

The Whiskey:

This is the whiskey that heralded a new era of bourbon in 1999. Famed Master Distiller Elmer T. Lee came out of retirement to create this bourbon to celebrate the renaming of the George T. Stagg distillery to Buffalo Trace when Sazerac bought the joint. The rest, as they say, is history — especially since this has become a touchstone bourbon for the brand.

Bottom Line:

My reaction to this is kind of like when Kurt Russell told Leo in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood “I just don’t dig him,” about Brad Pitt’s Cliff Booth. I can’t get past that raw leather vibe. The rest of the taste is fine but this is one of those bottles that collects dust on my shelf.

6. Evan Williams Green Label — Taste 1

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19 (1.75-liter bottle)

The Whiskey:

This is Heaven Hill’s signature bourbon mash bill with a touch of rye: 78 percent corn, 12 percent malted barley, and ten percent rye. That mash is the same for their much-beloved Elijah Craig and Henry McKenna labels. This juice is aged for four years before it’s proofed all the way down to 40 proof with soft limestone water.

Bottom Line:

This is fine. It’s a little thin, but that’s the point. This is built as a cheap mixer for the Kentucky market.

5. Jim Beam — Taste 5

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $13

The Whiskey:

This bourbon has a low-rye mash bill. It’s aged for four years before the barrels are blended and it’s cut down to 80 proof. This is a lot of folks’ entry point into the wider world of bourbon because it’s a quaffable whiskey that’s very affordable and on pretty much every liquor store shelf right at eye level.

Bottom Line:

This is, again, perfectly fine. It’s made for mixing and shooting. So stay in that lane when drinking it and you’ll be set.

4. Benchmark Bourbon — Taste 2

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $11

The Whiskey:

The juice in this bottle is from Buffalo Trace’s Mash #1, which has a scant amount of barley and rye next to mostly corn. This is the same mash that’s used for bigger hitting brands like Eagle Rare, Stagg, and E.H. Taylor. In this case, this is a four-year-old bonded that’s sort of like a proto-E.H. Taylor Small Batch.

Bottom Line:

This wasn’t bad — a testament to Sazerac’s ability to elevate even the cheap stuff over at Buffalo Trace. Don’t get me wrong, this is a mixer through and through but it’s a nice one at that.

3. Bulleit Bourbon — Taste 8

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $24

The Whiskey:

This whiskey embraces a high-rye mash bill that’s comprised of 68 percent corn, 28 percent rye, and four percent malted barley. The juice is then rested for six years before blending, cutting down to proof, and barreling.

Bottom Line:

I rarely reach for this and I often forget why. This really hit nicely today. Maybe I should move it to the front of the shelf.

2. Jack Daniel’s — Taste 4

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $17

The Whiskey:

Nathan “Nearest” Green and Jack Daniel’s created this Tennessee whiskey after the Civil War, thanks in part to Green utilizing the Lincoln County Process when making his whiskey. The low-rye (eight percent) sour mash is made with that iconic soft limestone water and then filtered, drop by drop, through ten feet of sugar maple charcoal. The juice is then aged for at least four years in new oak.

Bottom Line:

Hopefully, we’re starting to get past the too-cool-for-school whiskey drinkers slagging off this juice. It’s goddamn delicious and really hits that workhorse vibe perfectly as a great shooter, on the rocks pour, highball base, and mixing whiskey.

1. Wild Turkey 101 — Taste 7

ABV: 50.5%

Average Price: $22

The Whiskey:

A lot of Wild Turkey’s character comes from the hard and deep char they use on their oak barrels. 101 is a high-rye and high-ABV bourbon that leans into the wood and aging, having spent six years in the cask. A little of that soft Kentucky limestone water is added to cool it down a bit before bottling.

Bottom Line:

The fact that this is around $20 is kind of a miracle. This is a really solid bottle of booze that’s as sippable as it’s mixable. It’s also the deepest flavored and most well-rounded of the whiskeys on this list. Where Jack is eye-opening and bold, this is subtle yet deep. It’s just damn good.

Part 3: Final Thoughts

As someone who drinks upwards of 200 drams a month (or more), a lot can get lost in the mix. Cheap bourbon is often what gets lost and it really shouldn’t. There are some real gems in this ranking. That being said, I wasn’t surprised at all with it. I love Jack Daniel’s and Wild Turkey for very different reasons but I do drink a lot from those two brands.

As for calling out the brands, I scored 8/8.

What can I say? I do this for a living and live and breathe this stuff on a day-to-day basis. Even when I’m on vacation, I’m usually meeting up with friends in the industry who are collectors or bar owners and I still find myself trying and drinking new whiskey. It truly never ends. So, yes, I can call out a lot of brands on nose alone — that’s just part of the job. Still, it’s fun logic-ing out the ones that I don’t know and finding those small nuances that make each brand unique.

It’s a fun gig, passion, and life. Hopefully, it makes for some fun reading, too!

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As a Drizly affiliate, Uproxx may receive a commission pursuant to certain items on this list.

“In a society constantly driven to distraction by our phones, email, Instagram, etcetera, there’s something deeply, almost sub-consciously alluring about hot sauce and the pain it causes,” says Denver Nicks. “Hot sauce — especially really spicy hot sauce — commands your full attention.”

Nicks would know. The author and (and Uproxx contributor) wrote a book on the subject, titled Hot Sauce Nation: America’s Burning Obsession. His choice of subtitles was fitting back when the book was released in 2016 and has only grown more so. Complex’s “Hot Ones” is still a YouTube juggernaut and the number of sauces on supermarket shelves has continued to expand exponentially.

Nicks sees all of this as a good thing, further evidence of America’s culinary melting pot.

“It’s not just the sheer number of immigrants we have in this country,” he says, “but how they have transformed and enriched American culture, transformed all of us, and made hot sauce fiends out of many more of us than there were before.”

He makes a great point. But it does make picking the two or five (should be more like 10, if you’re really into heat) hot sauces that you decide to spend your money on a little tougher.

What elements make one particular hot sauce better than another? Is it just about Scovilles? Is it the chilies used? Vinegar ratio? Hype?

This year’s hot sauce list — sourced from a few of our writers, with lots of entries from yours truly — hopes to offer up a hot sauce for every occasion. Habaneros get lots of love but serranos make a showing, too. And let’s not sleep on ghost peppers. We also have an Italian hot sauce, a honey hot sauce, a curry hot sauce, and a peri-peri hot sauce — all are new (to this list, if not new to the world).

So here it is, the essential hot sauces of 2021. If we missed one you love, definitely be sure to tell us about it in the comments.

— Steve Bramucci, Editor, Uproxx Life

Poirier’s Louisiana Style Hot Sauce

Followers of the UFC can tell you that interim champ Dustin Poirier, aka “The Diamond,” knows two things well: how to punch people out and hot sauce. Hailing from Louisiana, Poirier grew up around cajun cooking and the southern sauces that come with it.

The profile harkens to those family dinners, with a winning mix of aged peppers, sea salts, celery, and garlic. Its heat is present, but dialed down on purpose, to allow for easy enjoyment.

“It’s got a kick for sure,” says Poirier. “But the burn doesn’t linger.”

The goal was to create a flavor that was so savory that it wasn’t relegated to the condiment shelf, becoming a key ingredient during the cooking process as well. And much like Poirier’s most recent bout, this sauce is a win. Heads up: Since the fighter took down Conor McGregor this stuff has been flying off the shelves even faster than before — so you might struggle to find it if you wait too long.

— Charles Thorp

Heat level: Bit of a kick, but not a roundhouse.

Price: $12

Marie Sharp’s Fiery Hot Pepper Sauce

On my first trip to Belize, I came home with a suitcase full of the hot sauce found in every Belizean restaurant. One taste and it’s clear why this carrot and habanero concoction is so ubiquitous: it’s freakin’ amazing. Even Hillary Clinton, famously a hot sauce aficionado, gave Marie Sharp’s a shoutout in her memoir, calling it her favorite.

She wasn’t wrong. Fiery Hot packs heat, but the burn is tamped down by the potent blend of carrot and habanero mixed with the uniquely Central American-Caribbean tang of onions, garlic, and lime juice. The velvety texture makes it easy to limit how much hot sauce you pour out, but even with only a few drops are needed per dish I still go through so much of this stuff that I’ve genuinely considered ordering their gallon option (hey, it comes with a free pump!).

— Ali Wunderman

Heat Level: Hot but sweet, like the perfect lover.

Price: $7

Queen Majesty Scotch Bonnet And Ginger

Queen Majesty was reccomended to us by Sean Evans, star of Hot Ones, and… what can I say? Dude knows his sauces.

This Scotch Bonnet & Ginger expression is more like a fruit puree than a thin, traditional “sauce.” The flavor captures the sweet notes of the peppers but balances them with the bright tang of ginger (rather than a lot of vinegar). What you end up with is a sauce that fits well with a variety of dishes.

As a longtime proponent of Jamaican beef patties, I’ll go out of my way to note that this is a great play for that dish. Also, it does great in a range of curries.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: It’s not going to scorch you, but it will make you sit up straight.

Price: $10

Zatarain’s Cajun Hot Sauce

This is a new love of mine. Zatarain’s is a big Louisiana brand that makes everything from rice to gumbo mix. Recently, I was wandering around the grocery store (maks on, not actually wandering, etc.) looking for hot sauces and came across this one. The label promised aged chili and garlic in one bottle. I was intrigued. I brought it home and placed the sauce on my shelf next to my Valentina’s Extra Hot and made some chicken breasts in the ol’ sous vide.

I doused the sauce onto the chicken and it was a revelation. Zatarain’s Cajun isn’t overly hot but packs a nice little punch. The garlic is 100 percent present. There’s a light vinegar tang going on that’s sweeter than tart and way less egregious than standard Tabasco tang. Overall, this is a great sauce to have on hand when you want a subtle spicy bump with a garlic base.

— Zach Johnston

Heat Level: Mild and breezy, like the Big Easy.

Price: $2.28

Frank’s RedHot

Frank’s RedHot is simple — cayenne peppers, distilled vinegar, water, salt, garlic powder — cheap and readily available everywhere (your favorite fast food joint keeps it behind the counter, just ask) and yet when it comes to hot sauce it’s nearly unparalleled.

Rare and interesting peppers, a beautiful label, and a fancy bottle design?

Frank’s RedHot has none of them. But pass me a bottle and I hold in my hands the perfect accompaniment to wings, chicken sandwiches, French fries, eggs, stir-fries, and whatever the hell else you put hot sauce on.

Frank’s RedHot is made using aged cayenne peppers, giving it a nice spicy kick but unlike some of the other entries, you don’t spend too much time thinking about what makes Frank’s RedHot good. Instead, it’s a hot sauce that forces you to shut up and focus on your meal. That’s why it’s the GOAT.

— Dane Rivera

Heat Level: Medium

Price: $4.72 (for 23 ounces)

6LACK’s 600 Degrees Hot Sauce

Six months go, amid a summer that was shorn from its most enjoyable aspects, Atlanta-born singer 6LACK announced he would return with a new project. The upcoming effort, which would eventually be his 6pc Hot EP, was his first release in almost two years. However, it wasn’t just music the singer delivered to his fans. With the extended play came his new hot sauce brand, 600 Degrees.

As a big fan of 6LACK, I took interest in the hot sauce. His Atlanta roots drove even more curiosity, since that city is responsible for some of the best wings I’ve ever had. So I made the purchase, and I have to say — good call on my part.

For all of you veteran hot sauce lovers, you can take pleasure in 6LACK’s 600 Degrees without a glass of water beside you. The sauce is a melodic blend of age red peppers, distilled vinegar, and salt — pretty standard. The latter elements coat the tongue with a sour lime-like presence similar before the red peppers step in to provide the flavor and spice.

600 Degrees finds a happy medium between nonexistent spice and an intolerable heat, bringing just enough to wake the taste buds from their slumber. This hot sauce is defnitely worthy of a spot at a future cookout, but for now, keep it handy for your socially distanced dinners.

Heat Level: Very managable.

Sambal Olek

For me, there’s hot one sauce that rises above them all — Sambal Olek.

What pushes this one to the top is its simplicity. It’s a blend of spicy chilis, salt, and vinegar. That’s it. It’s thick and often gooey. There’s always a jolt of joy when you sit down at a table and there’s a tub of sambal on it with one of those tiny spoons for scooping all that hot peppery goodness onto any dish.

Seriously, you can scoop it on each bite of your burrito or throw a nice big dollop in a bowl of noodle soup or fry some up to spice up fried rice. That’s versatility.

— Zach Johnston

Heat Level: Medium to warm, depending on the brand.

Price: $2.38

Tabasco Habanero Sauce

I already like regular Tabasco. You really can’t make an old-school Bloody Mary without one. But, I get that’s it mild and very vinegar forward. This version, on the other hand, is not mild, still hits on those Tabasco notes, and packs some serious flavor.

The habanero really comes through with a clear earthiness and heat. That combines with the almost fruity vinegar for a really solid hot sauce worth using on multiple applications. I put this in my chicken soup, dose it on tacos, I’ve even put it on steak.

But, the best use remains a Bloody Mary. Nothing will both sober you up and prep you for another day of partying faster.

— Zach Johnston

Heat Level: Medium, full

Price: $2.08

The Last Dab XXX

This is created by the team at Complex’s The Hot Ones and my god is it good. It’s just the right amount of sweet on the front end and then… BLAM the heat comes.

And what heat. Two hybrid, lab-created peppers — Pepper X and Chocolate Pepper X — add so much fire to this that a few drops will endanger your whole meal. If you can handle it, this is a sauce that has all the fire without sacrificing taste. Plus you’ll sympathize with the celebs who go on The Hot Ones in a whole new way.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: Meal-dominating type heat.

Price: $20

Price: $14.99

Texas Pete

Some items in the fridge or the cabinet just feel right. Whether they’re from childhood or simply regional standards (shouts to White Lily Flower, Duke’s Mayo, and Bertman’s Ballpark Mustard), there’s something to be said for sticking to the classics. For me, a hot sauce I’ll never do without is Texas Pete.

Sure, part of it is knowing its origins are every bit as intertwined with Winston-Salem as the college I went to, Wake Forest. But it’s also been on hand for some really important moments — from fish frys to backroads barbecue pilgrimages to dinners with friends — that helped crystalize my love for food and travel.

Pete’s is complex enough to stand on its own, beats the pants off most of the other major brands, and brings out the flavor of the food you’re eating rather than just masking or burying it. It’s just as adaptable in fried foods (a must on hush puppies) as it is in chilis or soups, and is killer with a BLT or a pimento cheese sandwich.

When I found it at Smart & Final in Long Beach, I audibly gasped. You never know when or where home will find you.

— Martin Rickman

Heat Level: Baseline burn

Price: $5.59

Dragon’s Blood Elixir

Apparently, the secret to dragon’s blood is apples, because this stuff has apple cider syrup, apple cider vinegar, and apple puree. You don’t necessarily taste the apples, but what you do get is a very fruit-forward flavor before the heat comes on. I love chilis for their taste, not just their spice, and Dragon’s Blood does an ace job highlighting the uniqueness of the habanero here.

You’ll want a solid few dollops to make it work, but there is heat there. It comes on late and doesn’t linger long, allowing the other flavors to shine and not disrupting your meal.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: The exact level that makes a person say, “Oh, this is spicy.”

Price: $8

Pique

When Sol Food hit the scene in Marin County, the Puerto Rican restaurant brought some much-needed flavor and color to the region. This was, in part, thanks to painting their building a vibrant lime green, sticking out in a sea of beige. But mostly it was the delicious flavors of Puerto Rico, exemplified by their in-house hot sauce, Pique.

My husband always orders their choripan sandwich – chorizo, ham, and Swiss cheese baked between French bread — and it’s incomplete without a side of the bright orange hot sauce to dunk the whole mean into. This medium-spicy, vinegar-based hot sauce was so beloved by diners that Sol Food had no choice but to sell it online. It’s packed full of a variety of peppers — from spicy, fresh jalapeños and serranos to nutty, dried chile de arbols. The branding makes no effort to elevate itself, but trust me, you’ll want this on hand next time anything even remotely tropical lands on your plate.

— Ali Wunderman

Heat Level: Overt tang, covert heat.

Price: $14

Mago Ghost Pepper

Mago, made in Laguna Beach, has been on my radar for awhile now, but this isn’t an expression I’d tried until recently. I had a pretty horrible experience with ghost peppers a few years back and the name was scaring me off. I’m glad I circled back for this one.

Don’t get me wrong, Mago Ghost Pepper is spicy, but it’s also fragrant with carrots and bell peppers and features a nice note of smoke (not chipotle pepper intensity). The sweetness of the carrots has the same effect here that it has in some of the habanero-based sauces on this list: calming your mouth and activating a different part of your palate.

Since Mago isn’t very vinegar forward, I use it in a wider variety of dishes — from fried rice to garlic shrimp to stewed mushrooms. Even with big-flavor foods like those, this isn’t a sauce that lets you forget it’s there.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: “Are those beads of sweat on your forehead?”

“Yes. Yes, they are.”

Price: $8

Secret Aardvark

Put simply, Secret Aardvark is a spicy, liquid version of your taco seasoning packet. If you like that sort of thing, as I do, you’ll love it. The peppers here are fire-roasted and you taste that smoke. There’s also a nice texture that comes from finely blended but not fully liquid tomatoes. Most of all, it’s the sweet/spicy balance and the nice fruitiness that makes this Portland-based sauce liven up dishes so well.

This one has been popular for a good long while, but it lives up to the enduring hype. Just as good (and similarly fruit-forward) is their drunken Jerk Sauce. It literally brings me back to Jamaica, and the jerk chicken shacks that line the road there, every time.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: “Whew, it’s spicy for sure. Whew.”

Price: $8

Skinny Fats — Jãlatcha

I’ve been stanning for ketchup around these parts for a long time. When someone talks smack about it, I fight back.

Why? Because flavor-profile-wise the tang of ketchup is a fantastic counterbalance to many an umami-rich, carb-heavy meal (eg burgers and fries). You know what could make ketchup even better though? The most unsung of the chilies — jalepeño.

The flavor of a fresh jalepeño is bright and fruity and the heat comes in late, like a slow-rolling wave. It’s a joy and pairs really well with ketchup. Trust me, your hot dog will never be the same.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: A nice bright kick, not a long, deep burn.

Price: $4.95

El Yucateco Chipotle

I love hot sauce. I put it on everything from mac and cheese to pizza to eggs. But I don’t need it to be so hot that it drowns out what I’m eating. That’s why I love El Yucateco Chipotle. In their line of sauces, it’s probably one of the mildest, but it has a smoky, sweet flavor with enough heat to make it worthwhile.

This sauce is made from chipotle peppers and clocks in at 3,400 Scoville units. Is that a lot? I actually have no idea. What I do know is that El Yucateco is fantastic.

— Chris Osburn

Heat Level:

Price: $2.75

Gringo Bandito Spicy Yellow

Remember the band Offspring? This is part of the line of sauces created by the band’s frontman, Dexter Holland. While that turn of events might sound strange, even stranger (and more interesting) is the fact that Holland, a Ph.D. in molecular biology, takes the sauce game very seriously and produces one hell of a product. (I’m not in love with the label or name, though.)

The Spicy Yellow is the best of the Gringo Bandito line. It utilizes scotch bonnets and habaneros and carries the fruity flavors of those two chilies throughout. There are also some nice garlic, onion, and black pepper notes. It’s an excellent pick for eggs and tacos and a step up from the brand’s own, more popular, traditional red sauce.

— Steve Bramucci

Heat Level: Warm but not overpowering.

Price: $7.50

Salsa Valentina

The first thing you should know about Salsa Valentina is that you can put both of your hands around the jar. This is no dainty, bottleneck hot sauce bottle. It doesn’t have an artisanal wooden cap like Cholula. Hell no. It’s a chubby, thick barrel-shaped glass container with a wide mouth plastic spout that lets you throw down thick streams of hot sauce all over your hash browns.

If I see it in someone’s cupboard, my respect for them goes up tenfold. If I had a one night stand and was offered this with eggs the next morning, I’d probably try to marry the guy. Valentina’s two distribution companies are in California and Texas, so expect to see it primarily in the Southwest. In New York, I found it in the regional food aisles of grocery stores, and very good diners, but it was scarce elsewhere — a shame because this is a well balanced, flavor-forward sauce that’s as cheap as they come.

— Caitlin White

Heat Level: Classic “hot sauce” level and not a bit more.

Price: $1.84

Truff — White Truffle Infused Hot Sauce

Look, I don’t know what to say. This stuff is hyped as hell (what hot sauce has 125K followers on Instagram?), Oprah chose it as one of her “favorite things” (twice!), and truffle oil is plaaaaayed out, but still… It’s freaking good. Like really good.

The heat and umami richness of the truffles are, quite literally, the perfect match. You get a hot sauce that hits those high, bright chili pepper notes and manages to have an “of the earth” mushroom quality. The fact that the sauce uses white truffle oil means it’s got a silkiness to it that most sauces lack and the heat, though it has a nice punch, doesn’t linger too long. In fact, I could use it turned up a quarter-notch.

Be warned: This sauce is pricey ($35). But if you’re having a dinner party post-pandemic and want a special bottle on the table that will elevate food rather than just making it spicier, this is a winner. The flavors are potent and the bottle is elegant.

Heat Level: Very Manageable

Price: $34.99

THE FINAL ENTRY — Two-Shack “Como El Otro” Hot Sauce

This hot sauce was included in the book Cooking With Spices by Mark Stevens (who writes for Uproxx). In the ultimate small world moment, it comes courtesy of John “Two-Shack” Nicks, father of Denver Nicks, interviewed above. As Two-Shack notes, there’s a lot going on. You can make it hot as you want by adding additional cayenne.

From the man himself:

“Many hot sauces are comprised of a mixture of vinegar, pepper of one or more varieties and salt. I like to make a more complex hot sauce. I liked the ‘Two Dick Billy Goat’ sauce at the Thunderbird Restaurant in Marfa, Texas. I tried to duplicate it and came up with this. It will not be too hot for most people.”

Ingredients:

• 1 cups apple cider vinegar
• ½ small can tomato paste
• 1 small tomatillo or green tomato, chopped
• 4 dried cayenne peppers, chopped
• 3 Pasilla Bajio chilies, seeded (or keep seeds if you want more heat)
• 2 Anaheim Peppers, pith removed (or mild Hatch Peppers, if available)
• 1 ½ tsp sea salt
• 1 small carrot, shredded
• 1 small red onion, chopped
• 1 ½ tsp of date molasses or blackstrap molasses as a substitute

Instructions:

Mix all ingredients together. Refrigerate

Legendary rapper Big Daddy Kane is continuing work on his upcoming Netflix documentary, Paragraphs I Manifest. The film places a spotlight on the art of emceeing and it will feature a number of notable rappers from the past and present to help tell Kane’s story. One of the artists involved in the film is J. Cole and his upcoming interview with Kane was teased in a recent video posted to Instagram.

“A lot of people out there right now are coming to people such as myself and many others, giving us our flowers and whatnot while we’re still here,” Kane says in the video as Cole stands beside him. “But listen – I wanna give this young brother right here his flowers like on the real.” Cole is taken aback by Kane’s comments and simply says, “Damn.” Kane adds, “I want this brother right here to know that he is my favorite MC out here right now. This is the brother right here that makes me feel like Hip Hop is still alive and it’s here to stay when I listen to this here brother spit and listen to his music. Love you, fam.” In response, Cole says, “Love, bro. Thank you, man. I appreciate that, bro. Legendary. Thank you. Sh*t.”

In the Instagram post’s caption, Kane confirmed that he added Cole to the growing list of guests for Paragraphs I Manifest. While speaking to HipHopDX, he also revealed another act he wants to include in the show. “I still gotta interview MC Lyte and turn it in for editing,” he said. “I swear, though, this J. Cole interview was the glue.” In addition to the aforementioned names, Kane has also interviewed JAY-Z, Common, Eminem, Doug E. Fresh, and KRS-One for the upcoming documentary, which has yet to receive an official release date.

You can watch Big Daddy Kane’s video with J. Cole above.

Pretty much everyone who likes fast food can agree that the Popeyes chicken sandwich is extraordinarily good — a culinary bit of bioluminescence in a sea of bland fast food options. It isn’t a lunch break compromise or something that you eat simply because it’s convenient. Eating this fried chicken marvel is an event unto itself.

But the Popeyes phenomenon has led to a terrible plague. One in which every fast food establishment on earth decides to try their hand at at fried chicken sandwhich… to varying degrees of success. This year we got new entries from Carl’s Jr., McDonald’s, and Burger King — though in BK’s case it was really more of a chicken SADwich (Zing! “I’m here all week,” etc.).

A few of the entries are solid. None of them hold a candle to Popeyes.

Last week Taco Bell entered the fray. Yes, a chicken sandwich from a chain restaurant that urged us to “think outside the bun.” This is unarguable proof that the chicken sandwich wars have finally gone too far. I mean, they could’ve brought back the Mexican pizza — they have ALL of the ingredients — but instead, they’re f*cking around with fried chicken. Again.

To save you time, money, and the possibility of an unsatisfying meal, we naturally had to try the thing. Our review can be found below along with a menu hack that makes this average dish into a star.

The Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco/ Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco

The Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco features two tiny chicken tenders marinated in jalapeño buttermilk seasoning and breaded in a mix of flour and crushed tortilla chips, served inside of a thick flatbread with a generous slathering of creamy chipotle sauce smeared inside. Altogether, it’s surprisingly good.

With just three ingredients, everything pulls its weight here. The chicken breast — while by no means a top three chicken tender — is really flavorful and juicy, with notes of garlic, white pepper, and chili powder. It’s certainly one of fast food’s most interestingly seasoned fried chicken offerings. The chipotle sauce, which is made from buttermilk and spices, brings a tangy sort of brightness that mellows into a nice bit of mouthwatering heat. It’s not “spicy” but it does linger on your tongue between bites. The flatbread… gets the job done. I can’t say that a tortilla would’ve been better. Or worse.

All in all, a very solid, if not at all inspired, entry into the fried chicken sandwich pantheon.

Alas, the spicy version of this sandwich has got to be the laziest attempt to make something spicy I have ever witnessed. It’s the same exact thing, only they toss two, yes, just two, tiny slices of jalapeño into the mix. And they think that makes it spicy. Sorry, it doesn’t.

Sure, you should get the jalapenos because more flavor is a good thing, but if you’re looking for a spicy sandwich, this isn’t that. Not unless you douse it in FIRE sauce.

This is my main problem with Taco Bell’s new crispy chicken sandwich flatbread taco thing: it’s such a lazy missed opportunity. It’s good but not thrilling. And here’s the crazy thing: Taco Bell has all the ingredients to make this actually something worth ordering. They just didn’t trust their audience enough to take a real risk.

So? We did it for them! Check out our (much improved) menu hack, below:

Introducing The Uproxx Crispy Chicken Flatbread Torta

Why Taco Bell didn’t see this as an opportunity to make a torta is something I just don’t get. We won’t go as far as to ask for a second flatbread, but we can make this three-bite sandwich into something a lot better by thinking about it like a torta. The creamy chipotle sauce that comes in the sandwich is good, it adds a lot of flavor, but we don’t need it, so ditch the sauce and add some beans instead (ask for a nacho cheese cup side, they’ll likely hand it over for free).

Let’s also add a three cheese blend on top of that chicken, as well as guacamole (the only add that will cost you anything — again, you just need the nacho cheese cup size), the jalapeños, and your favorite Taco Bell hot sauce (we went with FIRE).

Feel free to add lettuce. I didn’t, but you do you.

“I’ll have the chicken sandwich-taco thing with a small side of guac and a small side of beans, please!”

Tear the flatbread in half and now you have something that’s bursting with flavor, has a considerably more pleasing mouthfeel, and is a lot more indebted to Mexican food than whatever the hell Taco Bell is trying to sell you. Don’t do Popeyes Taco Bell, do Taco Bell.

Our version gives you the crunch of the chicken, an umami bomb of earthy flavors via the avocado and beans, delicious melted cheese, the pleasing burn of hot sauce and jalapeños, and a thick flatbread to hold it all together. Hell, if you really want to, you still have room for the creamy chipotle sauce in there.

Had Taco Bell given us something this good, it would’ve been worth revamping our chicken sandwich ranking. But we’re not doing that. As it is, it just feels like Taco Bell made a menu item for the novelty and the internet clicks.

If clicks are their strategy, they should take our advice and make our menu hack official. It’s tastier than their version and a whole lot more inspired.

The Bottom Line:

Don’t order the Taco Bell Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco (though it’s not terrible, by any means). Order our torta instead.