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The 3 things you learn after your mother dies.

My mother died from ovarian cancer when I was a young child.

I’m in my late 30s now, and I’m still navigating this loss as I move through life. I’ve lived most of my life without my mother at this point, but I still miss her.

Here are three things I’ve learned since losing Mam:


1. Grief is not linear and is not solely expressed through tears.

Someone you love has been taken away from you, and your heart has broken into pieces. It’s natural to grieve, but we all grieve differently. Grief shows up in anger, sorrow, guilt, fear, and sometimes peace. It is unpredictable and, at times, exhausting.

I cried when my mother died, and I cried at her funeral when my school choir sang “Be Not Afraid.” I didn’t cry much in the immediate years that followed — not directly as a result of Mam’s death, but probably indirectly related to it. I certainly felt fear and anger and other emotions related directly to my loss.

Then sadness hit me like a ton of bricks one day when I was in my early 20s. A compassionate friend asked me about Mam, and as I hadn’t spoken about her to anyone outside the family, I broke down. It was a good release. The years have brought many stages of grieving.

Mother’s Day is never easy. Shopping for my wedding dress without my mother brought up intense feelings of loss. And sometimes it just hits me hard, on a regular day, yanking me out of my pleasant thoughts. A mother in a dressing room with her daughter, and they’re trying on clothes together, admiring how the other looks. The mother telling the daughter how beautiful she is.

Or a friend of mine, meeting her mother for lunch and I can’t even imagine what that would be like! I can’t even fathom the amazing joy of having lunch right now with Mam! And then I get that heaviness in my chest and my stomach feels bad.

There’s no closure. My grieving stems from having loved so deeply. I have learned to tune into the emotions I’m feeling and to acknowledge the love, the pain, and the loss.

2. There are no replacements.

Nobody can replace your mother. We love our mothers in our own individual ways. Our mothers care for us when we’re sick, guide us in life the best ways they can, listen to us, and love us unconditionally.

For a mother, her child is always her first priority. And we sense this. We feel it. We know it, even if she doesn’t say it.

Carmel and Mam. Image courtesy of Carmel Breathnach.

My mother was beyond happy when I was born a healthy baby girl. I was told that she called me her little angel. She carried me in her womb for nine months.

By the time I was born, we had that unbreakable bond, and she knew me from that first second of my existence. There’s never going to be a replacement for that person who loved me probably more than she loved herself. The joy in her eyes when she saw me, the warmth of her arms wrapped around me, the pain in her eyes when she had to say goodbye are all ways that I remember the deep love she had for me.

Mam prepared lunches for me every day to take to school, named muffins after me because they were my favorite, and surprised me with the best doll she could find when I was a few years old. She repaired my soft toys when they tore, taught me to have manners and sit up straight, wiped my eyes when I cried and my nose when I was sick.

Today I look for certain qualities in people. I look for a warmth, a radiance, a compassion and kindness that Mam had. I look for humor, a voice of sense, and strength of character. These are traits that my mother had. I find some of them in others.

But it’s never the same. There’ll never be another Mam. She’s irreplaceable on so many levels.

3. There are other people who will love you and other people for you to love.

Family members and friends will love you. They might not know exactly what your needs are or how to address them, but it’s worth reaching out to them. People struggle with different things.

Perhaps family members cannot love you or be there for you, and we may have to look around, let go, and reach further than we might want to in order to find the people who really love us, but there is someone out there to love you, and there’s someone in need of your love.

I was blessed with the kindest, most devoted father who gave my brother and me all the love and care we needed. My dad is a gem in my life. He calls me to hear my news and to share his. He worries when I’m not feeling good and is overjoyed when I’m happiest. He listens to my concerns and trusts me to make the right decisions.

My dad has helped me so much in dealing with my loss, through caring for me and loving me unconditionally. I have the most wonderful fiancé who loves me to no end. And I’ve friends in my life who I know truly care about me.

I’ve been blessed with a lovely family, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t reach out to others. I’ve reconnected with old friends after years of distance. I’ve discovered things I have in common with others and opened up to new friendships.

Having people to love is truly healing. I was a kindergarten teacher for 10 years. I loved the children in my care, and they showed me so much love in return. By spreading love, we invite more love into our lives. Try volunteering or working in a school or a hospital. There are people everywhere in need of love.

Our world is so big and yet so small now in this age of technology. We can reach out to others across continents.

Our mothers were the first to show us the true meaning of love. In honor of our mothers, let’s spread that love wherever we can.

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10 times Ryan Reynolds used Twitter jokes to teach valuable, yet dark, parenting lessons.

This article originally appeared on 04.26.16

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13 comics use ‘science’ to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

This article originally appeared on 11.30.16


Norine Dworkin-McDaniel’s son came home from school one day talking about Newton’s first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that “an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force.”

“It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games,” she joked.


A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

“Newton’s First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest … until you need your iPad back.”

And just like that, she started creating “The Science of Parenthood,” a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton’s first law of parenting

2. The sleep geometry theorem

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

4. The carnival arc

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

6. Schrödinger’s backpack

7. The naptime disruption theorem

8. Calculation disintegration

9. Chuck e-conomics

10. Plate tectonics

11. Silicaphobia

12. Delusions of launder

13. The Costco contradiction

Norine and Jessica’s work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

“Even, at the worst possible moments, you’re standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you’ve opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it’s not really that bad,” Norine said. “You will be able to laugh at this at some point.”

“It gets better. You’re not alone in this parenting thing.”

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A 10-panel comic explores a subtle kind of racism many people of color experience.

If we’re being honest, we all make assumptions about other people, right?

We look at their skin, their clothes, and their car, and we make guesses about them that we don’t even realize we’re making. Everyone does it.

You ask a pregnant female coworker if she’ll keep working after the baby is born — but you wouldn’t think to ask that question of a guy who was about to become a dad.


You ask that nice girl behind the counter at the bagel shop whether she’ll ever go to college so she can get a better job — only to learn that she’s an underemployed Ph.D.

You ask a hipster-looking guy on the subway whether he’s into artisanal pickles — but he just happens to be a bad dresser who has no idea what you’re talking about.

The fact is, though, that people of color deal with other people’s assumptions constantly.

Research shows that other people’s expectations can have a profound effect on us. They can determine our success or failure. And black women deal with this nonsense more than others. In a recent study, nearly half of the female black and Latina scientists polled reported being mistaken for janitors or administrative staff.

Let’s agree to fix this.

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This glacier was featured on a postcard in 1900. A camera captured where it is today.

116 years ago, the Pasterze glacier in the Austria’s Eastern Alps was postcard perfect:

Snowy peaks. Windswept valleys. Ruddy-cheeked mountain children in lederhosen playing “Edelweiss” on the flugelhorn.


But a lot has changed since 1900.

Much of it has changed for the better! We’ve eradicated smallpox, Hitler is dead, and the song “Billie Jean” exists now.

On the downside, the Earth has gotten a lot hotter.  A lot hotter.

The 15 warmest years on record have all occurred since 1998. July 2016 was the planet’s hottest month — ever.

Unsurprisingly, man-made climate change has wreaked havoc on the planet’s glaciers — including the Pasterze, which is Austria’s largest.

Just how much havoc are we talking about? Well…

A series of stunning photos, published in August, show just how far the glacier has receded since its heyday.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

First measured in 1851, the glacier lost half of its mass between that year and 2008.

The glacier today. Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

A marker placed in 1985 shows where the edge of the glacier reached just 31 years ago. You can still see the ice sheet, but just barely, way off in the distance. In between is … a big, muddy lake.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

The view from the glacial foot marker from 1995 — 10 years later — isn’t much more encouraging.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

Even in just one year, 2015, the glacier lost an astounding amount of mass — 177 feet, by some estimates.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

Ice continues to melt daily, and while the dripping makes for a good photo, it’s unfortunate news for planet Earth. Glacial melting is one of the three primary causes of sea-level rise.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

According to a European Environment Agency report, the average temperature in the Alps has increased 2 degrees Celsius in the last 100 years — double the global average.

Beautiful, but ominous, fissures in the glacier. Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

It’s not unreasonable to assume that that’s why this mountain hut has been abandoned by the flugelhorn-playing children who once probably lived in it.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

Is there anything we can do to stop climate change besides look at scary glacier photos?

Climate change is, unfortunately, still a robust debate in the United States as many of our elected officials refuse to acknowledge that we humans are the ones doing the changing. As of last year, that list included a whopping 49 senators. Calling them to gently persuade them otherwise would be helpful. Not voting for them if they don’t change their minds would be even more so.

There is some tentative good news — the Paris Agreement signed in December 2015 commits 197 countries, including the U.S., to take steps to limit future global temperature rise to 2 degrees Celsius. While it may be too late for the Pasterze glacier, if we really commit as a world, we might be able to stop ourselves from sinking whole countries and turning Miami into a swimming pool and stuff like that.

And who knows, with a little luck, and a little more not poisoning the sky, we just might recapture a little of that Alpine magic one day.

OK, these guys are Swiss. But who’s counting? Photo by Cristo Vlahos/Wikimedia Commons.

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Report: Aron Baynes Is In The Hospital With Nerve Damage In His Neck And Might Miss Next Season

An injury Aron Baynes suffered while suiting up for Australia during the Tokyo Olympics could end up costing him the entire 2021-22 NBA season. Baynes got hurt during the Boomers’ group play matchup against Italy and ended up not taking the floor again in the tournament, although the team was optimistic he’d be able to “recover in the coming weeks.”

Baynes, however, did not join his countrymen when they accepted their bronze medals during their win over Slovenia in the third-place game, and according to Shams Charania of The Athletic, that’s because his injury is worse than previously thought. The now-former member of the Toronto Raptors is apparently in the hospital due to nerve damage in his neck, and now, next season is in jeopardy.

“I am really disappointed that I can’t continue in the Olympics,” Baynes said in a statement after he got hurt. “I along with the rest of the team have been working so hard in our quest for an historic Olympic medal and I am gutted that I can’t complete the journey with the boys, but I have every confidence that they will get the job done.”

The news comes a few days after the Raptors waived Baynes, who is now an unrestricted free agent.

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Ben Shaprio Was Mocked For Bragging That He Sleeps On A ‘Bed Made Of Money’ During Heated Debate

Ben Shapiro isn’t only one of the loudest and most frequently dunked members of the far-right. He’s also a bit of a snot. He has a short temper and, when confronted, he gets flustered and responds with withering sarcasm and childish boasts. Maybe you remember the time he got slammed for telling noted British conservative journalist Andrew Neil, during a heated debate he was badly losing, that “I’ve never heard of you.” So of course when he ventured outside his bubble and humiliated himself on Real Time with Bill Maher, his only response was to be act like a jerk.

The Daily Wire co-founder and former Breitbart employee was granted a platform by Maher, there to promote his new book The Authoritarian Movement. Is it a tome about Donald Trump and the Republican Party’s descent into actual fascism? Of course not. It’s about…cancel culture and the left being mean to conservatives and such. One critic of Shaprio’s latest doorstop is Malcolm Nance, a former Navy officer and current MSNBC contributor. As it happens Nance was also on Maher’s show, sitting next to Shapiro.

“It’s a nice title for his book, and I think a lot of people who would assume that he’s talking about real authoritarianism could be trapped into giving you $28.99,” Nance quipped. He also pointed out that it would maybe be more apropos to write about Trump instigating a failed coup on Jan. 6, not, as he called it, “Twitter gossip.”

Shapiro did what he often does: try to change the subject. He attempted to move the conversation to Critical Race Theory. After Nance addressed it, Shapiro did it again. But Nance wasn’t biting. “Is this what you do on your show? Because it sucks.”

But Shapiro had a clever rejoinder: “You know, Malcolm, I… I appreciate that, but I will comfort myself tonight by sleeping on my bed made of money.”

The comeback earned lots of mockery on social media.

Others marveled at how thin-skinned Shapiro is.

And others enjoyed watching Shapiro get owned.

You can watch the full segment in the video above.

(Via The Daily Beast)

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Elton John Covered BTS’ ‘Permission To Dance’ While Showing Love To The Band

Weeks after releasing their summer song “Butter,” BTS returned with their third single of the year, “Permission To Dance.” The song is co-written by Ed Sheeran and Snow Patrol and it’s been a favorite of many. One of them is Elton John, who hopped on Twitter to share a cover of the track.

In the video, Elton John takes on the song’s chorus, singing, “When the nights get colder, and the rhythms got you falling behind,” before adding, “Thanks BTS, and Love to the ARMY.” His cover also seems to be a response to a video of BTS’ RM singing the part on “Permission To Dance” that says, “When it all seems like it’s wrong, just sing along to Elton John.” After RM completes the line, he swipes the camera away as if Elton John was beside him to continue the song. Only hours after uploading the video, John uploaded his.

The cover arrives after BTS earned the longest-running No. 1 song of the year with “Butter,” which it continued to do just last week. Olivia Rodrigo’s “Drivers License” previously held the title for the longest-running chart-topper of this year.

You can watch the videos from BTS’ RM and Elton John above.

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Kevin Durant And Draymond Green Hopped Onto IG Live And Called Out Everyone Who Predicted Team USA Wouldn’t Win A Gold Medal

The United States men’s basketball team won its fourth consecutive Olympic gold medal on Friday evening. The Americans got the chance to exercise something of a demon in the championship match and made the most of it, taking down a France team that knocked them out of the 2019 FIBA World Cup and in their opening game of group play in Tokyo, 87-82.

In the aftermath of the game, two former NBA teammates who reunited on the international stage took a moment to celebrate by calling out those who thought Team USA was going to come up short. Kevin Durant and Draymond Green, while heading over to a postgame press conference, took a moment to hop onto Instagram Live and celebrate winning gold despite some folks expressing doubts.

Durant’s attention was on some power rankings that had the U.S. behind Slovenia, while Green focused his moment on IG on ESPN’s Kendrick Perkins.

“Talkin’ about they catchin’ up to us, like, are you serious?” Durant asked. “This skill is unmatched, you dig? Shout out to everybody that won this gold, everybody that chipped in and helped out. We goin’ to the press conference, but I had to talk my sh*t real quick.”

While the U.S. were betting favorites during the tournament, there were some people who believed this was a vulnerable team. After they lost to France in their group opener, Evan Fournier said that the Americans were a bunch of excellent individual talents, “but they can be beaten as a team.” Perhaps that was true early on in their time together — they did lose to Nigeria and Australia during their pre-Olympic exhibitions — but whatever was going on got sorted out, and as a result, Team USA are champions once again.

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Britney Spears’ Father Claims There Are ‘No Grounds Whatsoever’ For His Potential Removal As Her Conservator

Last week, Brintey Spears’ new lawyer Matthew Rosengart filed the necessary paperwork to begin the process of having the singer’s father, Jamie, removed from her conservatorship. The documents from her team called the case a “Kafkaesque nightmare” while pointing to “serious questions abound concerning Mr. Spears’s potential misconduct, including conflicts of interest, conservatorship abuse and the evident dissipation of Ms. Spears’s fortune.” While a decision has yet to be made, Jamie offered a blunt response to their efforts.

According to The Guardian, during a court hearing on Friday, Jamie claimed there are “no grounds whatsoever” for his removal from the conservatorship. He also claims that he’s “dutifully and faithfully served as the conservator of his daughter’s estate without any blemishes on his record.” Elsewhere, in the filing, Jamie says court-appointed professional Jodi Montgomery — who is in charge of Britney’s life decisions while he manages her money — called him last month to ask for help in dealing with the singer’s mental health struggles.

However, Montgomery claims Jamie “misrepresented and manipulated” the call for his own advantage in court. In a statement through her attorney Lauriann Wright, Jodi admitted to being concerned about the singer’s behavior and mental health but added that Jamie’s removal from the conservatorship would aid in improving Britney’s well-being.

The filing comes after Britney’s mother Lynne Spears said Jamie has “exercised absolutely microscopic control” on their daughter through the conservatorship.