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Logic is back — and we never even had a chance to miss him. Just a year removed from the declaration of his retirement, the Maryland rapper turned video game streamer (technically) bounced back last week with the release of his return mixtape, Bobby Tarantino III. Though technically, he did work out some of his itches to rhyme earlier this year with Planetory Destruction, the thinly-disguised, Kool Keith-like endeavor he dropped as Doctor Destruction, and the YS Collection Vol. 1, a collection of older songs cut from the Young Sinatra mixtape series that he was able to clear after a decade.

And look, we understand. When you have a long-lasting love for a thing that has been your whole life — literally, your job, your hobby, and your semi-living arrangement — for over a decade, it’s hard to let go. Logic is hardly the first rapper to have gone through separation anxiety upon realizing that retirement would upend his entire way of being. It was Jay-Z who first coined the bar, “Can’t leave rap alone, the game needs me,” nearly 20 years ago on “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” from his career-defining album The Blueprint. Yet, just two albums later, Jay had decided to gracefully bow out with The Black Album, only to return two years later with Kingdom Come.

Rappers, it seems, have a hard time committing to retirement in general. While they love to announce that they’re stepping away from the hustle of the rap game and hanging up their mics for good, they’re rarely able to stay on the wagon for very long. Here’s a short list of the rappers who have retired only to unretire shortly thereafter when they realized that while the game may not actually need them, they most certainly need the game.

The Game

The Compton rapper said he was done with the rap game with his 2019 album Born 2 Rap (a threat he’d already made once before), but it looks like he may have taken the title pretty literally. His manager Wack 100 recently told AllHipHop that Game’s been back in the studio working on a new album titled 30 For 30. He also dropped the single “A.I. With The Braids” in November of 2020, implying more material on the way, which would bring his total collection of projects to 30, including studio albums, mixtapes, compilations, and independent releases.

Jay-Z

The most infamous rap retiree on the list, Jay-Z famously delivered his swan song, The Black Album, in 2004, accompanying the farewell project with a massive show at Madison Square Garden, a documentary titled Fade To Black recording the creation of the album, and a press tour that saw him collecting his flowers ahead of his final curtain. However, it didn’t take long for him to feel the hunger again. After remixing a number of his songs for the Linkin Park mashup album Collision Course, Jay began popping up on other artists’ songs to find his sea legs before dropping the uneven (but still criminally underrated) Kingdom Come, garnering plenty of both fanfare and criticism, as the brevity of his retirement made it seem more like a gimmick to sell records.

Nicki Minaj

Midway through 2019, Nicki decided that she was finished with the rap game, deciding to trade in her lucrative career for the family life, despite a number of recent examples of women in music who have apparently been able to do both, such as Beyonce and Teyana Taylor. However, it took her all of a day to begin backtracking, posting on social media that she was “still right here” before making her unofficial return in February 2020 with “Yikes.” Although that song didn’t make much of a splash, she renewed her cultural ubiquity with appearances on Doja Cat’s “Say So” and Tekashi 69’s “Trollz,” and recently began teasing a new album after re-releasing her breakout mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty to DSPs for the first time.

Young Dolph

March 2020 was an eventful month for the Memphis mogul, who recanted just 15 days after making his initial retirement announcement by teasing the upcoming release of his album Rich Slave. Then, he followed up the release of his joint project with protege Key Glock, Dum And Dummer 2, with another retirement in March of this year before coming out and admitting straight up in a July interview that he can’t commit to it. “I can’t do it, real talk,” he said. “I’m the spokesperson for all of the street n****s.” His most recent release wound up dropping the same day as Logic’s own comeback, with the Paper Route Empire compilation album Paper Route Illuminati.

Meanwhile, even more rappers, from Denzel Curry to NLE Choppa to T.I., have announced their own intentions to walk away from the rap game after releasing a few more projects. T.I. is said to be working on Kill The King, his final album, while Denzel Curry said that he had three more releases planned before punching the clock for good. NLE Choppa wants to switch to selling natural health products, Chika and Noname are over the poor treatment they feel they’ve received at the hands of the industry, and even DaBaby gave himself a five-year limit — although recent events may have forced him to unwillingly accelerate those plans.

Time will tell whether any of those names manage to stick to it, or transition into other outlets for their creative faculties. But as long as rappers’ retirement announcements make headlines, it seems that they’ll keep making announcements — even if they can only stay retired for a few months at a time.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Taylor Swift is continuing with her plan to re-record each one of her albums in light of the drama with her former label. Since releasing her Fearless (Taylor’s Version) album, the singer confirmed that her Red album is next on the list. Today, she returned with an insanely cryptic preview of the upcoming effort, and fans are convinced Phoebe Bridgers will make an appearance on the LP.

Swift, who’s known for dropping Easter eggs and vague clues about her music, posted a short video to social media depicting a number of jumbled words. After putting the letters into various crosswords and word search puzzles, fans think they’ve successfully cracked the code. Many speculate that Swift’s video confirms Bridgers’ involvement on a song, and they’re beyond excited.

Fans rushed to Twitter to trade their conjectures and revel in their collective anticipation about the Bridgers collaboration.

Others remarked that adding Bridgers to the album may give it a “sad girl” sound.

Bridgers lending her vocals to a Swift song wouldn’t be the first time she’s collaborated with a major pop star this year. The singer may be known for her wistful indie music, but she joined forces with Lorde for the singer’s sunny comeback single “Solar Power” in June. “So talented, so cool and I’ve never had any other voices on my songs,” Lorde said about Bridgers’ contribution. “This is the first time people were singing with me.”

The Chicago Bulls missed the play-in last year, a fate they seem determined not to repeat in 2021-22. After making a win-now move at the trade deadline by dealing for Nikola Vucevic (and trading what became the No. 8 pick in this year’s Draft to Orlando), Chicago entered this offseason with a plan in place to not just shuffle the deck, but buy an entirely new set of cards.

That started with a sign-and-trade for Lonzo Ball, a point guard they long coveted as a counterweight to their superstar two-guard in Zach LaVine, at a price tag of $85 million over four years. To get Ball, they had to ship out Tomas Satoransky, leaving a hole at backup point guard they quickly filled with the defensive-minded Alex Caruso, who was pried out of L.A. on a 4-year, $37 million deal. At that point, it would have been reasonable to assume the Bulls would be done with major moves, but rumblings lingered about their continued interest in DeMar DeRozan via a sign-and-trade as his market seemed to be drying up due to cap space evaporating around the league.

The result was a sign-and-trade in which Chicago sent a 2025 first-round pick to San Antonio along with Thaddeus Young and Al-Farouq Aminu for the right to give DeRozan a 3-year, $85 million contract and build out a core that immediately vaults them into the thick of the Eastern Conference playoff race.

There will be ample debates to be had in the coming months about where exactly these deals place Chicago in the hierarchy of the East, but the likely answer is somewhere in the second tier with the Hawks, Heat, and Celtics, all vying for the non-play in spots behind the trio of expected favorites in the Nets, Bucks, and Sixers.

That, of course, begs the question: What is the value of going all-in for what figures to be a mid-seed?

The Bulls have certainly paid the price to get here, but once they made the Vucevic move at the deadline, their bed was made. There were no half measures to be taken once you’ve shuttled off picks and youngsters. It was full steam ahead and, considering the circumstances, they’ve done admirably to build the best possible roster available to them. Risk aversion seemed to be the preferred path for the Bulls in the GarPax era, because you can never lose it all if you hold something back. Arturas Karnisovas seems ready to show Bulls fans that won’t be the case anymore, swinging for the fences in his first full offseason in charge where he had some money to spend.

Chicago will not be the favorites, but there is so much more joy in building something worthy of at least an inkling of hope compared to a resignation to fate. This Bulls team will get buzz as a dark horse capable of a run, a team poised to pounce on an opportunity if it presents itself, even in the face of an apparent juggernaut in Brooklyn and the reigning champs running it back in Milwaukee.

It’s easy to point to the Nets and Bucks and kick the can down the road, promising to give it a go once the current super teams age out, but the secret is, there’s always a new one to fill the void. For years, it was, “Well, when LeBron leaves, that’s when the East will be gettable.” Within two years, the East had new overlords in the form of a two-time MVP in Giannis Antetokounmpo and a dormant superteam in Brooklyn, just waiting for health to arrive. Now, those teams seem fully formed and the Bulls still were willing to push chips in, because their own opportunity to do so had a finite window.

The Bulls have an emerging young superstar in LaVine, set to hit free agency next summer and needing the Bulls to prove why he should stay in Chicago, which meant giving him a roster to believe in. They have at least shown the effort this offseason in doing so and for the first time since the Thibs era, there seems to be real belief from the Chicago faithful that the Bulls may just be back.

Far too often the conversation about basketball shifts to the financial costs, as we’ve been conditioned to show concern for the bottom line of ownership by celebrating savvy cap moves to skirt the luxury tax or discussing how much an addition would “actually cost” once in the tax. In reality, the only people who should be concerned about that should be the owners and the people they pay to worry about that, while fans should be concerned with whether their team is putting together a product they can enjoy. The Bulls have done that this summer and there is something welcome about that, seeing a team say enough is enough and put together something new and exciting, fully understanding that there are no guarantees it works.

There are some odd fits and questions to be resolved with rotations and backcourt/wing combinations, but Billy Donovan gets paid handsomely to find those answers. For now, they are a team with ample talent and an opportunity to vault into the conversation in the East, something Chicago’s been waiting for over the past five-plus seasons.

Ultimately, what the Bulls have done this summer will be judged by the results of this season, but in the moment they have captured the attention of the NBA in a way no team outside of Miami and L.A. has done during this offseason, and there’s something to be lauded about that effort.

Before Adam Driver became an Oscar-nominated actor and centaur, he was in the United States Marine Corps, so presumably he has experience with firearms. That could prove handy if Quentin Tarantino ever makes a Rambo movie.

While promoting the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood novel on The Big Ticket podcast, Tarantino discussed wanting to adapt David Morrell’s Vietnam War novel First Blood, the basis for Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo franchise. He would stick closer to the source material, however. “If I just wanted to make a good movie, that I knew would be good, I would take David Morrell’s novel for First Blood and do the novel. Not the movie that was made out of First Blood. I would do the novel,” Tarantino said. He continued:

“Kurt Russell would play the sheriff, and [Adam Driver] would play Rambo. Every time I read it, the dialogue is so fantastic in the David Morrell novel that you’re reading it out loud. It would be so good. But now I want to do more than that. But if it was just about to make a good movie, that’s out there.”

Tarantino has long said that his 10th movie will be his final movie. Guess what? His next movie is his 10th movie. Adam Driver as John Rambo is undeniably intriguing, but it would be a let down for QT to bow out with an adaption, instead of an original idea. He acknowledged as much (“I want to do more than that”), so maybe he has something else planned for Driver. I’d say the same for Kurt Russell, but of course Kurt Freaking Russell will be in Tarantino’s final film. It wouldn’t be right otherwise.

(Via Indiewire)

While updating fans on the successful surgery to remove a portion of her lung following a cancer diagnosis, comedian Kathy Griffin revealed that she’s already stopped taking painkillers out of fear of falling back into addiction. After the 2017 controversy surrounding the infamous photo of Griffin holding Donald Trump’s severed head, the comedian went through a period of addiction that culminated in a suicide attempt in 2020. It’s not a struggle that the comedian is looking to repeat, and Griffin opened up to fans about switching to Tylenol after her cancer surgery. Via Twitter:

To be honest, this cancer surgery was a little more than I had anticipated. Tonight will be my first night without any narcotic pain killers. Hello Tylenol, my new best friend! The last time I was in a hospital in June 2020 when I tried to take my life and overdosed on prescription pills. With over a year clean and drug free, I now know I can do this and anything I want without those devil pills Y’know what? I fear drugs and addiction more than I fear cancer. So, I think I’ll be ok.

Considering she’s never been a smoker, Griffin’s lung cancer diagnosis arrived as a surprise, but the comedian has remained optimistic throughout the ordeal. In her initial announcement, she also made it a point to tout the importance of the COVID vaccine, which prevented her situation from being far worse.

“Of course I’m fully vaccinated for Covid,” Griffin wrote. “The consequences for being unvaccinated would have been even more serious. Please stay up to date on your medical check ups. It’ll save your life.”

(Via Kathy Griffin on Twitter)

Big Red Machine have already released a handful of singles from their upcoming album, How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last?, including one of the best songs of the year, “Renegade,” a collaboration with none other than Taylor Swift. But as much as fans love Taylor collaborating with, you know, just about anyone, there’s a lot more going on with Big Red Machine than the Swiftian angle. Other previewed tracks include Fleet Foxes And Anaïs Mitchell joining in on “Phoenix” and Aaron Dessner unexpectedly taking over lead vocalist duties on “The Ghost Of Cincinnati.”

Of course, every song here includes Dessner and Justin Vernon, but today they’ve shared “Mimi” which features yet another collaborator, Ilsey, and both artists shared a bit about what the song means to them.

Aaron Dessner said he named the song for his youngest daughter:

“I named this song Mimi for my youngest daughter… I was thinking about how grateful I am for my children and how they light up even the darkest days. Justin, Ilsey and I wrote words and melodies to this in isolation and we decided to interweave them, like characters in a book, full of longing and gratitude. Later James Krivchenia came to visit and brought the song further to life with his drums. Musically I feel like maybe we were seeking the open air and road of a Tom Petty song, just accidentally in an odd meter. So grateful to Ilsey for joining this collaboration — it felt so natural and joyful.”

And Ilsey shared that the song mirrors the way it was created:

“This song is almost a mirror to the process of how we made it. Aaron, Justin and I wrote and recorded all of the parts separately. The lyrics of the chorus reflect a longing for closeness and connection, but that longing is made to feel safe and less pained next to Justin and Aaron’s lyrics which have this strong theme of gratitude. All of this to say, what could have been a lonely chorus was made hopeful, and what could have been a lonely process was made joyful in getting to work with these two wonderful people.”

Check out the new single above.

How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last? is out 8/27 via Jagjaguwar/37d03d. Pre-order it here.

The spirits world (whisky in particular) is extremely complicated for the newcomer to wade through. There are some overrated expressions out there that get a ton of press based on name recognition alone. On the flip side, many expressions are deserving of adoration and grab headlines because of their high quality, flavor, and craft. Then on the flip-flip side, you have underrated whiskies that don’t get the mainstream love they deserve.

Today is their time to shine.

Since we’re in the business of helping you along on your drinking journey, we’re going to highlight some of these lesser-known offerings today. To offer the assist, we asked a handful of our favorite bartenders to tell us their picks for the most underrated Scotch whiskies to drink this summer. If nothing else, it’s intriguing to see how they define “underrated” — because some very big brands get shouted out.

Check their answers below!

The Glenlivet Founder’s Reserve

Michael Parish, head bartender at Jia in Miami

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $40

Why This Bottle?

The Glenlivet Founder’s Reserve is my pick. If you’re a fan of single malt Scotch whisky, then try The Glenlivet Founder’s Reserve and I guarantee it’ll become your new go-to. Deliciously smooth and sweet from hints of citrus fruit.

Aberlour 12

Andy Shannon, co-founder of Candra Drinks in London

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $59

Why This Bottle?

It’s difficult to say if this is underrated or not, but it should be in even more bars and homes. Aberlour 12 is an all-time favorite Scotch whisky. With toffee and spice notes it packs a lot of flavors and won’t break the bank. It’s always a win.

Bruichladdich Islay Barley 2012

Daniel Yang, lead bartender at Rosina inside The Venetian Resort in Las Vegas

ABV: 50%
Average Price: $65

Why This Bottle?

Bruichladdich’s unpeated Islay Barley any day of the week. While it’s not the most well-known Scotch — especially since they’re an unpeated Islay scotch — the light notes of oak and barley make this selection exquisite. I enjoy this either on a single rock or even in Penicillin.

Chivas Regal Mizunara

Rustyn Lee, beverage director at Atomic Saloon Show in Paradise, Nevada

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $49

Why This Bottle?

Chivas Regal Mizunara is my pick. Utilizing the Mizunara barrels leaves this Scotch a little lighter in style and shows some interesting flavors, including heather and anise.

The Balvenie Caribbean Cask 14

Adam Mason, cocktail specialist at LouVino in Louisville

ABV: 43%
Average Price: $85

Why This Bottle?

The Balvenie Caribbean Cask is aged in rum barrels and is under-peated so it’s one of the most approachable Scotches to help whisky drinkers dip their toe into something new. It’s not commonly found in the American market but is easily one of if not my favorite Scotches to drink.

The Glenlivet Nadurra Oloroso

Source: Michael Lay, assistant director of bars for MINA Group in San Francisco

ABV: 60.3%
Average Price: $90

Why This Bottle?

Glenlivet Nadurra Sherry Cask is a great pick for summer sipping. It has no age statement but it’s cask strength so you can throw a big ice cube in it. It’s rich and nutty. Very flavorful.

Glenfarclas 17

Young Kim, beverage director at Fine & Rare in New York City

ABV: 43%
Average Price: $100

Why This Bottle?

If you like sherried and non-peaty Speyside single malts, try Glenfarclas 17. It is complex yet balanced with dried fruit, baking spices, butterscotch, toasted nuts, and even some coffee on the finish. It’s been owned by the same family for 6th generations, and they focus more on making family whisky than marketing which brings the cost down.

Glenfiddich 12

Jeremy Williams, mixologist at MDRD at the Amway Grand Plaza in Grand Rapids, Michigan

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $49

Why This Bottle?

With so many terrific single malts available today, I find it easy to stray from the classics. Glenfiddich 12 is a wonderful example of what makes the Speyside so special. Sophisticated notes of pear leather, dry citrus, and shortbread are met with wood spice and biscuity barley. The finish is long and oh so smooth.

Johnnie Walker Black Label

Lyndee Sadler, bartender at Bamboo Willie’s Beachside Bar in Pensacola, Florida

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $39

Why This Bottle?

Johnnie Walker Black Label is the most underrated Scotch whisky. The price point sometimes makes customers change their minds, but the combination of fruit and vanilla allows for a very smooth taste. You can taste the oak in it as well.

Dalwhinnie 15

Jacob Mata, bar manager at Garden & Grain in Pensacola, Florida

ABV: 43%
Average Price: $79

Why This Bottle?

Scotch whisky is a category of whiskey that is filled with heavy hitters. When it comes to Scotch, people tend to be very particular and usually know what they like to drink. One bottle that gets passed over more than it should have to be Dalwhinnie 15. This Scotch is something that can be enjoyed by seasoned scotch enthusiasts and novices alike. The delicate flavor is crisp and clean. Dalwhinnie 15 has a bright aromatic nose with notes of apple blossom, honeysuckle, and a touch of smoke. On the palate, you get a balanced malt character and a gentle smoke note. This Scotch has a lasting finish of malty and nutty flavors. A small measure of water will go a long way to open up all the flavors this Scotch has to offer.

Chivas Regal Extra

Chaz Gallo, director of food and beverage at The Bristol Hotel in Bristol, Virginia

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $40

Why This Bottle?

Chivas Regal has been doing this for a long time and recently released Chivas Regal Extra. This creation from legendary master blender Colin Scott has handpicked and rare whiskies aged in Oloroso sherry butts with a perfectly balanced sweet and spice.

Bruichladdich The Classic Laddie

Liam Odien, beverage director at Playa Provisions in Playa Del Rey, California

ABV: 46%
Average Price: $59

Why This Bottle?

Bruichladdich The Classic Laddie. I’m not sure if I’d call it underrated, so much as underknown– everyone who tries it enjoys the heck out of it. Bruichladdich focuses explicitly on terroir, and they source their barley entirely from Scotland. The Scottish barley showcases malt and molasses. The Classic Laddie is an unpeated Islay, so you get all the nice coastal minerality and salinity without having to wrestle with peat to find it.

Springbank 12 Cask Strength

Ryan Anderson, complex director of beverage at Ace Hotel in New Orleans

ABV: 56.1%
Average Price: $100

Why This Bottle?

During summer I want to drink lighter Scotch. I usually go for Springbank 12 from the Springbank distillery located in Campbeltown, Scotland. They make lighter expressions of Scotch that focus on the natural quality of the water and barley being used. It’s so smooth and packed with subtle flavor. Campbeltown is an underrated area for Scotch production, losing sales to its more famous neighbors like Islay or Speyside. This is fine with me because there’s usually more Springbank to go around on the shelves.

Compass Box Glasgow Blend

Matt Nicholas, bar manager for The Kennedy Bar in Pensacola, Florida

ABV: 43%
Average Price: $39

Why This Bottle?

Glasgow Blend By Compass Box is a bold, lightly peated, sherry finished blended Scotch whisky with a wonderful price for what is in the bottle. Rich, sweet, slightly smoky, perfect for summer evenings.

Cutty Sark

Scott Wenger, bartender at The Continental in Tampa

ABV: 40%
Average Price: $15

Why This Bottle?

I have long been a fan of Cutty Sark. A blended whisky, it is not as heavy on the peat and very smooth and even a little bit citrusy. Really great with just soda water or your favorite soft drink. I tend to go for the original blended Scotch, but the Prohibition Edition is great too.

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As a Drizly affiliate, Uproxx may receive a commission pursuant to certain items on this list.

Less than a year ago, Seth Rogen published an autobiographical book full of essays, Yearbook, which contained truly wild stories about his celebrity encounters and friends, and somehow, he didn’t need to take a storytelling breather in order to, you know, gather up more stories. Nope, he quickly whipped out one of the best Paul Rudd stories of all time. Amid all of that, he made an outstanding point about cancel culture, and yup, it sure looks like Seth’s got more random entertainment to share with all of us.

On that note, Seth decided to post a photo of his statue at the Hollywood Wax Museum in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. He had a question, though. “I will never understand why,” the An American Pickle star tweeted. “[T]he Myrtle Beach wax museum has me in a tuxedo standing next to the Mona Lisa.”

That’s a fair thing to wonder about, but Seth’s mom, Sandy, who previously had a very mom-like statement about Yearbook, had a question, too: “Is that a wax you ?”

“Get with it mom!” Seth responded. Sandy wasn’t deterred, and this is delightful.

Man, I hope my kid is famous someday, so I can tweet these kinds of questions at her, too. Faux-embarrassment makes for a wonderful bonding experience!

It’s not uncommon that Ice-T finds himself in some pretty wild Twitter discourse, but the latest debate involved Coco Austin, his wife of nearly two decades. Austin is pretty candid with how she chooses to parent their children, but people were incredulous when she revealed she continues to breastfeed their five-year-old daughter. Ice-T has come to Austin’s defense, making it clear he doesn’t mind with some NSFW comments.

Austin addressed on her decision to continue breastfeeding their daughter, Chanel, in a recent interview with US Weekly. “Chanel still likes my boobs. It’s a big bonding moment for a mother and your child,” she said. “Why take that away from her?” Austin added: “If she doesn’t want it, all right, that’s where you stop it. But I’m not just going to say no.”

Many took to Twitter after hearing Austin’s comments, prompting Ice-T to join the conversation. The rapper defended his wife’s actions endlessly, saying they still feed Chanel solid food.

Ice-T attempted to quell the Twitter uproar by telling users to stop worrying about his child. “That’s what’s weird.. Now go back in the basement,” he wrote.

The rapper ended his Twitter saga by brushing off the haters and giving himself a new nickname.

Kombucha is like the avocado toast of brunch foods. It’s an essential component in the regular diet of basic b*tches everywhere, myself included. If you’re not familiar with the bubbly libation, kombucha (“booch”) is fermented black or green tea (originated in Northeast China) that’s made from SCOBY – symbiotic cultures of bacteria and yeast. Sounds… intriguing, I know. But the result is a carbonated fruity drink that’s slightly sweetened, a tad tart, and downright refreshing.

Over the past decade, kombucha has grown in popularity here in the United States for its antimicrobial properties and probiotic benefits. Because it’s fermented, it naturally contains some alcohol (about 0.5%). But by adding an additional yeast strain to the fermentation process you can turn the alcohol level up to match that of a beer or hard cider (anywhere from 4.5% to 8%). This is typically called “hard kombucha” and it’s become a serious growth segment in the drinks world.

As someone who loathes pretty much any beer besides a Blue Moon, I hopped on the hard kombucha train as soon as I discovered it was a thing. I mean, it’s made with fermented tea. So it’s, like, healthy, right? But with more brands than ever hitting the shelves, I’ve begun to wonder which brands are best.

Yep, it’s time for another Uproxx LIFE blind taste test.

After three grocery store runs, two online orders, and little to no room left in my refrigerator, I gathered nine hard kombucha brands. Here’s the lineup:

1. Flying Embers
2. KYLA
3. Elossa Hard Kombucha
4. JuneShine
5. Bambūcha
6. Kombrewcha
7. Dr. Hops
8. Whalebird Kombucha
9. NOVA Easy Kombucha

PART I – THE BLIND TASTE TEST

I measured my booch satisfaction level on fizziness, fruitiness, and “oh sh*t that’s good”-ness. Since there are no real established kombucha tasting conventions, you’ll just have to trust my expertise.

TASTE 1

The moment I tipped the glass upward I got a slightly overwhelming whiff of ginger, so I expected tons of flavor once I took a sip. However, I didn’t find there to be much zest after all. The flavor I did taste? Not amazing, TBH. It also didn’t ignite that super bubbly sensation I typically expect from kombucha.

Overall, not the best place to start. Cheers to hoping it gets better from here!

TASTE 2

Again before even tasting it, I got strong hints of berry smells. Unlike taste number one, I could hear the kombucha bubbles sizzling as I went in for the initial sip. To my delight, that first gulp was like pouring a bag of pop rocks into my mouth. This kombucha is a little more on the bitter side, but the combination of tart, sweet, and carbonated is on point.

I’m a fan.

TASTE 3

This kombucha made me say, “meh.” It wasn’t great, but it also wasn’t horrible. It was a little flat and just kind of average overall. There were satisfying hints of flavor, but it wasn’t super strong. We’ll see how this one stands up against the remaining options.

TASTE 4

The berry, sweet scents are strong with this one. It almost smelled a bit like a slushy from the movie theater (as in: chockful of artificial syrup). After taking the first sip, I could quickly confirm that it was the sweetest option so far.

I honestly really enjoy this one, but the sweetness makes me think I could only have a few sips before wanting something else. It also tells me that the potential hangover from drinking one too many of these is no joke.

TASTE 5

My first reaction to this taste was “Oooh, that’s nice.” It’s sweet without being too sweet, ya know? It could be a little bit more bubbly, but in my opinion, the mix of flavors is just right. I’d say that this is definitely one of my top few picks so far.

TASTE 6

The first thing I have written down in my notes says, “Yum.” So, that’s a good sign. The flavor of this one is on the warmer side. There’s a hint of something different, but I can’t put my finger on it. It’s something more fun and more unique than the other tastes so far. It also covers up any tastes of alcohol pretty well.

I like it a lot, but this doesn’t really taste how experience has led me to believe kombucha is supposed to taste – if that makes sense.

TASTE 7

Whoa, this kombucha has a whole medley of flavors going on. And I love it! It tastes tropical, light, and refreshing. According to my taste-testing notes, “I would drink this on a summer day at the beach.”

TASTE 8

Holy fizziness! Taste number eight has a bubbly kick. The fruity flavor is delicious but slightly overpowering. This is definitely one of the sweeter hard kombuchas of the bunch. It sort of reminds me of an alcoholic otter pop, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

From my notes: “This is hovering somewhere in the middle of all the kombuchas I’ve tasted thus far.”

TASTE 9

Again, this is floating somewhere in the middle. The flavor is sweet and quite… eccentric compared to the rest. I genuinely like this one and would probably drink it from time to time. However, some of the other kombuchas piqued my taste buds’ interest a little more.

PART II – THE RANKING

9. KYLA (Taste 1)

Price: $4.99 / 16 oz can

Taste Test Flavor: Pineapple Ginger Colada

Info:

From the website: KYLA Hard Kombucha is a fermented and fizzy, light and refreshing, alcoholic kombucha beverage brewed in Hood River, Oregon. Lower in sugar, calories, and carbs, and filled with live kombucha cultures, it’s most likely your favorite drink.

Bottom Line:

Maybe the heavy ginger taste just isn’t my thing, so I’d like to try one of the other flavors. But for the purposes of this taste test, it’s a no for me. If you like ginger, give it a shot.

8. Elossa Hard Kombucha (Taste 4)

Price: $8.99 / 6

Taste Test Flavor: Berry Ginger

Info:

From Instagram Page: It’s fruity and zingy, with the perfect amount of fizz.

Bottom Line:

I do like this kombucha a lot, but the sweetness level was a bit much compared to the other options. I’m actually surprised at how low I ranked this because this is usually the brand I typically buy – it’s also one of the only hard kombucha brands that’s available at Trader Joe’s, where I do most of my grocery shopping.

7. Dr. Hops (Taste 3)

Price: $6.99 / 16 oz can

Taste Test Flavor: Rosé

Info:

From the website: The most potent, pleasurable, and raw hard kombucha on the planet. No B.S.

Bottom Line:

Saying Dr. Hops is the most pleasurable kombucha on the planet is a bold claim. Now that I realize I was tasting the wine-inspired flavor of kombucha, it makes sense that I noticed something off (I called it “eccentric”) about it.

It’s good, but there are certainly better options.

6. Whalebird (Taste 6)

Price: $32.99 / 8

Taste Test Flavor: Electric Feel

Info:

From the website: A fragrant bouquet of lavender electrifies the palate and pairs with the subtle sweetness of rose hips and the zesty kick of lemon myrtle in our balanced black tea kombucha.

Bottom Line:

I honestly agree with their statement above. The hints of rose mixed with the warm flavors of the tea were nice and smooth. I also liked that its flavorful kick camouflaged the alcohol. However, the strong flavors were slightly overpowering in that, as I said during the tasting, it didn’t really even taste like kombucha.

5. NOVA (Taste 9)

Price: $36 / 12

Taste test Flavor: Mango, Ginger

Info:

From the website: A rare combination of health, balance, and shockingly great taste.

Bottom Line:

Claiming that an alcoholic beverage is healthy, even if it is kombucha, is a tad questionable. However, I will say the uniqueness of the tropical mango flavors caught my attention in a good way. Overall, this kombucha was decently tasty, earning it a top-five ranking.

4. Flying Embers

Price: $29.99 / 12

Taste Test Flavor: Watermelon

Info:

From the website: A little sweet and slightly tart with a dash of sea salt. A culinary combo straight from the garden that brings together two of summer’s most delicious flavors.

Bottom Line:

I can see why this brand is a popular one, and this flavor in particular really is the ultimate summer concoction. It was surely a contender for my top three spots, but the remaining brands pulled through for the bronze, silver, and gold medals.

3. Bambūcha (Taste 5)

Price: $45.99 / 12

Taste Test Flavor: Hawaiian Hibiscus

Info:

From the website: A tart Hawaiian hibiscus flower infusion paired with the essence of citrus zests creates an effervescent and aromatic brew. Chef crafted with certified organic ingredients.

Bottom Line:

Effervescent is right. I had never heard of this brand before conducting the taste test, but it didn’t disappoint. I’m pleased to have found it and will likely be drinking more of these in the weekends to come.

2. JuneShine (Taste 7)

Price: $36 / 12

Taste Test Flavor: Blood Orange Mint

Info:

From the website: From sunset sessions to late-night antics, this dangerously drinkable flavor has become a crowd favorite for any occasion: a tangy, yet soothing sip of sunshine.

Bottom Line:

I’ve been wanting to try JuneShine for a while now because I’ve always heard good things about their hard kombucha. I’m happy to report that it is, in fact, worth the hype. I know that their ingredients (and branding) are on point because, referring back to my notes in the above taste test, I said it’s the perfect summer day drink.

So yes, I do agree that it’s like a “soothing sip of sunshine.”

1. Kombrewcha (Taste 2)

Price: $11.99 / 6

Taste Test Flavor: Berry Hibiscus

Info:

From Website: We set out to create a beverage for those seeking balance in life. Between alcohol and organic ingredients. Between taste and a healthy lifestyle. Between a refreshing drink and a revitalizing get-together.

Bottom Line:

Kombrewcha, as another brand I wasn’t previously familiar with, surprised me as the number one spot in my hard kombucha ranking. “Refreshing” and “revitalizing” is 100 percent an accurate description of this drink that’s perfectly fruity, fizzy, and downright tantalizing.