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Chicago, Illinois has been at the top of my U.S. travel bucket list for years. Not just because I’ve always heard it’s one of the coolest cities in the Midwest (which it totally is), but because I was born there. It’s right there on my birth certificate — but since my family left for Los Angeles before I was even able to form words it’s not like I know the Windy City. Not in the least.

With a curiosity about where I came from brewing, I finally packed my bags for the Chi (do non-residents who were born in the city get to call it that?) after 25 years away. I only had three days to explore Chicago’s famous food spots, nightlife scene, and classic tourist attractions, so I wasted no time lounging around. A few early thoughts before we get more granular:

1. If you’re Ubering everywhere, you’d better budget for it. I didn’t and had to walk nine miles in the heat one afternoon to get from place to place while saving cash.
2. The Windy City lives up to its nickname. I brought a flowy skirt and may have flashed a few locals on accident.
3. While the high temperatures and humidity are no joke in Chi-Town, summer is undoubtedly the best time of year to visit. From bikers zooming down the 18-mile long Lakefront Trail to young partiers chilling out at North Avenue Beach, Chicago’s lively summer vibes are perfect for adventure and party-friendly 20-somethings.

Below, you’ll find the mix of mainstream tourist attractions and low-key deeper dives that filled my days and nights. Of course, deep-dish pizza was a must on the to-do list but it was the trendy rooftop bars, authentic Greek cuisine, and a crystalline skyline that made Chicago one of the most memorable U.S. trips of my 20s, thus far. Check my full recommendations below:

PART I – Where to Get the Best Views

360 Views at The Signature Lounge

There’s no shortage of sky-high window views in Chicago, but one (literally) stands above the rest. The Signature Lounge at 96th is a bar and restaurant (The Signature Room at 95th) at the top of the iconic John Hancock Center. The lounge’s upscale ambiance and dress code make it a splurge-worthy destination for starting a celebratory weekend out on the town. To get here, you first wait in line to take an elevator that somehow races up 96 floors in less than a minute.

Be prepared for slight vertigo and roller coaster-like G-force if you’re sensitive to motion. Fear not, the view is worth the 30 seconds of discomfort.

The elevator doors open to floor-to-ceiling glass walls that offer a bird’s eye view of where the concrete jungle meets the icy blue water of Lake Michigan. Take a lap around the lounge and you’ll observe couples dressed to the nines for a date night, tourists snapping pictures of the awe-inspiring landscape (yes, I was one of them), and perfectly groomed waiters running glasses of specialty cocktails and champagne to their tables. On the far side of the lounge, you’re met with a sea of skyline that drifts into flat Midwestern terrain disappearing into the horizon.

If you can, go to The Signature Lounge at 96th during sunset. I’m not exaggerating when I say it took my breath away, but I’m also a sucker for a good sunset view.

Want to experience the spectacle for yourself? View the full menu and photo gallery here.

The J. Parker Rooftop at Hotel Lincoln

I booked a room at Hotel Lincoln for the weekend, which happened to be home to a popular brunch and nightlife rooftop called The J. Parker. This rooftop reminded me of a classic Saturday afternoon back home in LA. There were groups of young people, all dressed like a photo straight off Instagram’s Explore page, crowding the hotel lobby anxiously waiting in line to get the signature cocktails flowing. I ordered the “Bubble Around,” a tantalizing concoction made of vodka, lemongrass, elderflower, lemon, and prosecco.

The best part of The J. Parker was the unobstructed view of Lake Michigan and Lincoln Park. You can admire the lush greenery of the park at lunch, peer out at sailboats cruising by at sunset, or take in the city lights while you sip after dark.

Pro tip: If you book a stay at Hotel Lincoln, you get to jump the line for a table. The wait time for The J. Parker can get up to well over an hour, so it’s worth considering getting a room. Not only that, but the hotel is in the heart of the Lincoln Park neighborhood that’s only a short walk to Old Town, North Avenue Beach, and Lincoln Park Zoo.

Click here to book a room at Hotel Lincoln.

PART II – Where to Party

The Old Town Bar Scene

Looking to get lost in the night? Head to Wells Street in Chicago’s Old Town district. Walking distance from Lincoln Park, Old Town is filled with a plethora of bars, restaurants, and boutique shops. After dark, this historic stretch becomes a party scene where hundreds of young people scatter (or should I say stumble) from bar to bar. It reminded me of an elevated version of my university’s main street – bordering on chaotic but in the best way possible.

On one side of the street, there’re flashing lights and techno blaring at Benchmark. On the other side? A chill Irish sports pub where you can grab an authentic Irish beer to kick off the night. Just steps from the pub is a late-night pizza spot called Happy Camper complete with a disco ball, refurbished trailers, and a beer garden-esque atmosphere.

There’s truly something for every kind of gen-Z and millennial bar hopper in Old Town. My personal favorite Old Town hotspot was Happy Camper simply because of its quirky decor and cocktails.

Here is the full Happy Camper menu.

The Second City Comedy Club

Chicago’s Old Town is also home to where some of the greatest comedians, award-winning actors, and directors of our time got their big break. AKA, The Second City. It’s a comedy club and school where you can go to get some belly laughs and drinks on a night out. Notable names you might recognize (and by “might” I mean “definitely know and love”) include Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Key & Peele, John Belushi, Jane Lynch, Tina Fey, and Steve Carell…just to name a few.

If you want to understand the arts of improv and sketch comedy, this is a must-visit destination.

Click here for The Second City’s latest show dates, news, and classes.

PART III – Where to Eat

Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Co.

I didn’t know I could fall in love with a meal until I went to Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Co. This little wooden restaurant is comprised of a refurbished house that lies directly across the street from the scene of the infamous Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929. It’s even rumored to have been the lookout post for henchmen of the Valentine gunners.

One step into the foyer and your nostrils are met with a steamy combination of garlic, marinara, and warm dough. But this isn’t any old pizza place. It’s a pizza pot pie place. The individual serving-sized pies are made from scratch with triple-raised Sicilian bread, a homemade sauce, and a blend of cheeses that made the post-dairy stomach ache worth every. Single. Bite.

If you can’t wait for your pizza pot pie to bake (no shame, I couldn’t either), order the Mediterranean bread as an appetizer for the table. This massive, herby pull-apart flatbread reminded me once again why I’ll never go on the Keto diet.

Tables fill up fast, so you’re going to want to make a reservation here.

Authentic Cuisine in Greektown

A bit off the beaten path and less congested with tourists is Greektown. What was once a Greek immigrant community is now a commercial district. However, the cultural influences of the past still remain, as you’ll see passing by the many Greek restaurants, tavernas, and pastry shops. The restaurants, of course, are always my favorite part.

You know the feeling of being so satisfyingly full after Thanksgiving dinner that you can barely move? That’s exactly how I felt after leaving Greek Islands, a restaurant in the heart of Greektown that’s been filling its tables since 1971. The restaurant imports its extra virgin olive oil, wine, cheeses, seafood, olives, herbs, and spices directly from Greece, so you know you’re getting the real deal. The sampling of hummus and Taramosalata on my plate teleported me to the hillsides of Santorini. The traditional blue and white decor helped, too.

Out of everything on the menu, it was the flaming saganaki cheese that did it for me. I didn’t know whether to be scared or excited when the block of cheese burst into an orange flurry right next to my table. It was like a culinary circus act and I was the dancing bear waiting for my treat.

Ready to try the flaming cheese for yourself? View the full Greek Islands menu here.

PART IV – Where to Sightsee

Architecture River Tours

Chicago is often referred to as the “Second City” because it was rebuilt from the ground up after the Chicago Fire of 1871 left much of the city in ashes and one-third of the population homeless. What replaced the damage is a slew of skyscrapers highly recognized for their impeccably executed and creative designs. To get a closer look at the legendary structures and learn more about the city’s history, take an Architecture Boat Tour on the Chicago River. It’s maybe the most efficient and affordable way to experience most of the city without sacrificing too much of your party or dining time.

Your tour guide takes you on a 90-minute cruise that gives you in-depth detail about the tallest, oldest, and most gravity-defying buildings in Chicago. My neck was hurting by the end of it because I didn’t want to miss a single landmark.

If architecture doesn’t pique your interest, Chicago Line Cruises also offers a variety of other cruises, such as a historical tour and a live jazz tour.

Click here for the full list of options.

Historic Navy Pier

One of the most animated destinations during summer is Navy Pier. Here, you’ll find a 200-feet-tall Ferris wheel, classic carnival games, lakeside dining, sporting event watch parties, art installations, and even live performances from local dance groups and theater organizations (just to name a few). I even saw a wedding party boarding a yacht off the side of the pier for their reception.

Every Wednesday and Saturday night during summer, the pier also puts on live music and fireworks. Make sure you get to a rooftop bar or nearby park by 9:30 p.m. if you want to catch the show. If you go to the pier midday, wear sunscreen or a hat. The crowds of people and light reflecting off the water will heat you up in a hurry. I could almost hear the skin on my shoulders sizzling by the time I left.

Follow the link here for Navy Pier’s complete schedule of public events and programs.

The Bean at Millenium Park

I couldn’t go to Chicago without making a stop at “the bean.” Possibly the most Instagrammed piece of artwork in the Midwest, Cloud Gate (more popularly known as “the bean”) by Sir Anish Kapoor, can be found at the Chicago AT&T Plaza at Millennium Park. Unfortunately, it was gated off to abide by social distancing guidelines at the time of my visit. So I didn’t get the classic bean selfie in the mirrored surface of the sculpture. The upside is that I was able to take in the full essence of the piece, catching every glimpse of the skyline reflected against it.

As majestic as it was, I couldn’t help but think of a giant, silver Flubber. The surrounding area in the plaza is made up of walkways, futuristic architecture, and a queue of trees that offers a much-needed escape from the heat.

Curious to learn more? Here is the full rundown about the bean’s history, design, and location.

***

It’s safe to say that Chicago did not disappoint and there’s still so much to do and see (the jazz clubs! the theater scene! the avant-garde art!). A weekend doesn’t give you enough time to soak in everything the city has to offer. Will I be moving back? Not until I witness one of those famous Chicago winters. But I definitely won’t go another 25 years before returning to my birth city — that’s for sure.

There are a lot of fast food cheeseburgers out there and plenty of them are extremely solid. But let’s be real: there are some stinkers, too. That’s why you have us. In order to save you time and money, we’ve been eating at every fast food joint we can find and ranking everything from their dry patties to their absorbent napkins.

But one chain has evaded us and missed out on all of our rankings: Culver’s. Over and over you’ve told us we need to remedy that fact. Well, today is the day.

As a national chain, Culver’s isn’t small by any means. It’s got 600 restaurants in 24 states. Restaurant Business lists it as the 38th biggest food chain in the US (8th among burger joints) — bigger than Carl’s Jr., In-N-Out, Shake Shack, Five Guys, and White Castle. But its mostly midwest locations don’t align with the home bases of the core writers on our staff. And while ranking food is fun, we can’t really ask a writer to relocate for that task.

Still, we always want to be complete in our picks. So on a recent trip to South Dakota, I made a Culver’s run. In fact, it was a full menu feast. And it featured a revelation — the Culver’s ButterBurger.

For those of you not from the Midwest, Culver’s ButterBurger is a “pressed and seared” burger. Basically, a smash burger that’s been around far longer than the buzzword itself. The patty is a mix of sirloin, chuck, and plate beef that’s always fresh and never frozen. The burgers are made-to-order and 100 percent customizable with Culver’s vast array of toppings and condiments. Finally, there’s the soft potato bun that’s slathered with Wisconsin butter and lightly toasted on the flat top griddle.

It’s simplicity defined.

So how does it stand up? As a gourmand, chef, and traveler, I’ve eaten a lot of fast food burgers — from 2 am McDonald’s double cheeseburgers to countless Shake Shack airport burgers to monthly cheat meals at In-N-Out when I was living in L.A. Alas, it had been a long while since a ButterBurger from Culver’s had been part of that mix. But I always remembered it being really good, so I was excited to tuck in at a Sioux Falls location just a few days back.

I ordered a double ButterBurger with American cheese (this felt like the safe cheese get to compare and contrast with the competition) with onions and pickles and kechup, mayo, and mustard (making a defacto burger sauce on the bun). I’m not really a fan of lettuce and tomato on a burger. I also got a small basket that came with crinkle-cut fries in one of those old-school plastic baskets and a small drink. I took my number, got some signature Culver’s root beer, filled some little paper cups with ketchup, and found a table to call home.

Here are my thoughts:

The Burger Construction:

This isn’t rocket science but so many places get this wrong. It went a little something like this: Heel bun, condiments, pickle, cheese slice, patty, cheese slice, onions, patty, buttered crown bun, and an extra pickle chip on top.

The condiments and pickle on the bottom melded into a perfectly suitable burger sauce. It was tangy with a seriously salty deli pickle vibe. The cheese was put on when the burger was built, so it was just starting to melt as I tucked in. The onions were grilled (per my request) and added a nice crunchy, sweetness, and bite. The top bun was a soft and buttery delight that held its form.

The Burger Patties:

All that stuff mentioned above is fine but what’s great about this burger is the beef itself. These are perfectly rendered “smash” burgers. Just look at the sear across the whole patty. There’s legitimate lacing on the edges! And, most importantly, it’s still juicy on the inside. That’s a hell of a feat given how most fast food patties dry out — looking at you McDonalds, In-N-Out, Burger King…

What’s paramount to this burger is the heft of the patty. They’re light while still having a little weight to them. With a double, you know you’re getting a good-sized burger without getting weighed down.

Oh, and they’re perfectly seasoned with just the right push of umami complimenting that wonderous sear.

The Verdict:

My immediate thought while eating this was, “Oh, this is what Shake Shack has been trying to copy all this time…” Seriously, this is very obviously what Danny Meyer was mimicking when he opened his now international New York burger joint. And you know what? Culver’s still takes the trophy. This burger is really, really hard to fault. One, it doesn’t have a dumb-ass piece of butter lettuce on it like a ShackBurger, so that’s a win. Plus it had that exceptional bun and some nicely caramelized onions.

Not for nothing, but thhe crinkle-cut fries were damn good, too — completely fried and crispy down to the last one. Hell, even the root beer was a solid, albeit sweet, entry in the genre.

Is this the best burger in the fast food game? I’ll have to investigate a little deeper (Five Guys, Whataburger, etc.) but it’s sure not far off. It was perfectly smashed, buttery, and filling without being overwhelming. More than a regional favorite, this is a great fast-food burger, period.

If you don’t have a Culver’s in your home state, make it a point to seek one out next time you’re in the Midwest. You’ll be glad you did — I know I certainly am.

As has been the case on throughout these Olympics, the USA men’s basketball team found itself in an early hole in their semifinal matchup with Australia on Thursday in Tokyo, but this time it felt like they might be in some real danger.

A red-hot Boomers squad jumped out to a 41-26 lead in the second quarter, playing sensational basketball on both ends of the floor, and having beaten the Americans in their last two exhibition meetings, it looked as though they might just have Team USA’s number. However, as has been the case many times in these Olympics, Kevin Durant kept the Americans from falling into an insurmountable hole with his ridiculous shot-making, scoring 15 first-half points and leading the charge as Team USA closed the gap to 45-42 at the half (much like in their quarterfinals game against Spain).

It didn’t take long for the U.S. to regain the lead in the third quarter, as a Jrue Holiday runner put them up 46-45, an advantage they wouldn’t relinquish the rest of the way.

Durant continued to shine in the third, as he has been the driving force throughout the Olympics for Team USA on offense, carrying them at times when needed — and it has been needed probably more than he and his teammates would like.

He did get ample support in the second half from Devin Booker, who came alive and found his shooting stroke, finishing the night with 20 points on 7-of-10 shooting (3-of-5 from three).

As a team, the Americans heated up in the second half, but it was the defense that was the catalyst, as they continued to stymie Patty Mills as a scorer, but also did a much better job taking up the airspace from Australia’s perimeter shooters and asking a lot of questions from their tertiary players. Jock Landale, Nic Kay, and Chris Goulding accounted for 27 of Australia’s 61 shots on the night, which simply isn’t a winning recipe for the Boomers, as Team USA did a magnificent job in the late second quarter and the entire second half of taking away Australia’s primary options.

Holiday, Durant, Draymond Green, and Zach LaVine all were masterful on the defensive end, smothering Australia’s offense with their length to force bad shots and turnovers that led to breakouts on the other end.

In the end the Americans ran away with a 97-78 win to advance to the gold medal game, where they will either get a chance to avenge their lone loss of the Olympics against France or take on Luka Doncic and Slovenia. Durant finished with 23 points on 10-of-19 shooting from the field, as he was finally able to relinquish the offensive creation duties to others and rest up in the fourth quarter while his teammates pulled away. Booker’s 20 led the rest of the cast around KD, with Holiday and Khris Middleton each chipping in 11 points to help the cause — Holiday also led the team with eight assists.

As for Australia, they will play for the bronze against the loser of that France-Slovenia game, as they seek their first Olympic medal in men’s basketball.

A great burger is more than a delicious slab of beef — it’s obvious that the fixings are crucial. But just how crucial are they in shaping the fast food burger hierarchy? Can good bread make or break a burger? What about the cheese? Can a fast food chain overcome trash patties? These are the questions that keep a food/ weed writer up at night.

In truth, I’m not sure if I was stoned when I got the idea to follow our epic double cheeseburger ranking by grading fast food burgers on the quality of meat alone. No sauce, no onions, we’re not even interested in the bread! Whatever its origins, this experiment gave us the chance to zero in on one element to see how much it affects the whole burger experience. (Besides, we’ve done crazier things, like ranking fast food napkins.)

In the end, this exercise revealed four things:

1. Every single fast food burger is painfully overcooked. (“Something something legal department” is surely the root of this and it’s annoying.)
2. A good half of them aren’t seasoned — this blandness is usually masked by sauce.
3. Burger meat looks disgusting naked. (Our photo editor hates me now.)
4. My favorite burger… is actually pretty middling. Most diners and one-off burger joints could beat it in a “just beef” taste test, if only because they aren’t as scared of a lawsuit.

This was an odd experience taken all around and I got a lot of sideways looks from cashiers who thought I was insane for asking for “just the meat.” Most wouldn’t do it, so I ended up purchasing a lot of hamburgers with nothing on them and removing the dry meat from the equally dry bun to taste it. After a few bites, I’d reassemble my sad burgers to recover some sense of normalcy.

Ready to find out who won?

11. Jack in the Box — Hamburger

Tasting Notes

Generally, Jack in the Box is pretty middling. It’s never cracked the top five in any of our fast food rankings, but it never lands at the bottom of a list either. It’s reliable in its basicness, that is until I ditched all the sides. This meat has no flavor, aside from the dull taste of overcooked red meat. It’s grainy, full of chunky pieces of fat and other mealy bits, and it’s bone dry. Congratulations Jack in the Box, you have the worst beef in fast food.

The Bottom Line

It’s like pet food if you hate your pets.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

10. Rally’s/Checkers — Rally Burger

Tasting Notes

This burger patty was incredibly flimsy, I had to be looking at something like a sixth of a pound. Quality-wise the beef is a bit of a step up from JiB’s offering, it doesn’t have that same awful chunky mouthfeel and Rally’s actually bothered to put salt on this one. Just because the texture was better, doesn’t mean it was great. This meat is really spongey, it takes a while to chew through it which really allows you to focus on just how mediocre the meat is.

The Bottom Line

Salty, and yet still surprisingly underseasoned. Overcooked, despite its light tan appearance.

Find your nearest Rally’s here.

9. Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s — Famous Star

Tasting Notes

Carl’s Jr charbroils its meat, so right off the bat, this one is practically bursting with flavor compared to the other two. The texture is alright, it’s not too grainy, there are no hard-to-chew knots of fatty meat, but it’s way too dry. On top of that, it’s completely underseasoned, it tastes like Carl’s Jr is relying solely on the char for flavor.

The Bottom Line

Dry and underseasoned. Far from the best-charbroiled meat your money can buy.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

8. Del Taco — Hamburger

Tasting Notes

Fully-dressed Del Taco actually makes a surprisingly delicious double cheeseburger. Add slices of avocado to it and you’ve got an amazing burger experience that you can’t get at almost any other fast food joint. I guess I must’ve been really wowed by that avocado option because this meat has no flavor to it. The texture is leagues better than JiB’s or Rally’s, it has an appetizing mouthfeel giving you beef that breaks apart like meat should but it has no seasoning whatsoever. Not even salt. Just the taste of Del Taco’s flat grill.

The Bottom Line

It tastes like a burger patty should, which you wouldn’t think would be hard to do. Unfortunately aside from the flavor of cooked red beef, this one has no other flavor notes.

Find your nearest Del Taco here.

7. Burger King — Whopper

Tasting Notes

This one really shocked me. Burger King is without a doubt the worst fast food restaurant in the entire fast food galaxy. The chain frequently lands in the last place spot in our fast food rankings, and for good reason — the King does almost nothing right. Bad burgers, bad fries, horrible chicken nuggets, and pretty shitty chicken sandwiches as well. But the Whopper? It’s not bad. Burger King does the charbroiled thing better than Carl’s Jr., I’m not sure what goes on behind the scenes but this one is way less dry, and hey, look at that, they actually added salt.

The Bottom Line

A better charbroiled offering than what you’ll find at Carl’s Jr.

Find your nearest Burger King here.

6. McDonald’s — Quarter Pounder

Tasting Notes

I’ve never been a big fan of McDonald’s burgers. I know the value double cheese has its fans, and there are a few weirdos out there that like the Big Mac (middle bread? GTFO), but to me, I’ve always viewed the Golden Arches’ burgers as mediocre. I was wrong, this is a good grilled piece of meat. It’s perfectly seasoned with just the right amount of salt, it’s slightly juicy, and it has a great texture that melts in your mouth as you chew through it. I have nothing bad to say about this burger, which is something I never thought I’d feel about a McDonald’s burger.

The Bottom Line

A shockingly solid fast food burger. I promise it’s better than you think it is. I might’ve been underappreciating McDonald’s burgers my whole life.

Find your nearest McDonald’s here.

5. In-N-Out — Hamburger

Tasting Notes

This one was downright heartbreaking to me. When I witnessed this solo meat patty I couldn’t believe how small it actually was, and how sad it looked. This is hard for me to say but, In-N-Out burgers are pathetic. This has always been my favorite burger chain (yes I’m one of those, deal with it), and I’ve always reasoned that In-N-Out is so good because the meat just tastes better than all of the competition. I couldn’t be more wrong.

It’s not bad by any means, it’s juicy and well-salted, but there isn’t much to it. While the middle of the burger tastes great, the edges are overcooked, giving the burger a dull dry ring around it. that reminded me of boring bread crust.

The Bottom Line

I guess where In-N-Out shines is with their sponge dough and perfectly melty American cheese. The weakest link is the beef.

Find your nearest In-N-Out here.

4. Wendy’s — Dave’s Single

Tasting Notes

I’m not at all surprised to find Wendy’s in the top five of this ranking. The Dave’s Single is great, the burger is greasy and salty, with a juicy texture and a great mouthfeel, despite it looking like it was burnt to a crisp. I’ve always viewed Wendy’s as a beefy burger, it’s a place I almost never order a double cheeseburger, I even grab the Son of Baconator instead of the real thing because it’s just too much meat to handle.

But viewing it all on its own, it’s not really that much bigger than the other burger chains out there. I wouldn’t ever think to describe this burger as thick.

The Bottom Line

Wendy’s burgers are so good that it’s incredibly easy to forget someone made the dumb decision to cut these into squares. Buns are round Dave.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

3. Five Guys — Hamburger

Tasting Notes

Shout out to Five Guys for actually selling me just a piece of meat. They wrapped it up in a ridiculously large tin box, but I really appreciate that they didn’t

The Bottom Line

Find your nearest Five Guys here.

2. Fat Burger — Original Fat Burger

Tasting Notes

An actual conversation I had at Fat Burger: “Hi, would it be possible to just order a patty of meat?” “I’m sorry?” “A patty of meat, just on its own.” “You mean a hamburger?” “Just the meat though no bun.” “I’m sorry we can’t do that.” “No worries, can I just have an Original Fat Burger? Plain please.” “No cheese?” “No, just the meat and bread.” “Okay. Just meat and bread, right? Nothing else? No sauce, or pickles, or lettuce?” “Right.”

I ended up also ordering a Coke just because of how embarrassed I felt.

Aside from the fact that Fat Burger charged me fucking $8 for a hamburger, I have little to complain about with this one. It’s great, a little over-salted but it has a great caramelized outer that provides a nice crunch and keeps those delicious burger juices deep within the meat. This is so good I almost ate the entire patty without reassembling the burger.

The Bottom Line

One of the best patties of beef out there in the fast food galaxy. I’ve never considered Fat Burger one of the best burger joints, but after this experience, I might need to spend more time with the menu.

Find your nearest Fat Burger here.

1. Shake Shack — Shack Burger

Tasting Notes

I had a prediction that Shake Shack would end up dominating this ranking, so I’m not surprised to see it in the number one spot, but I am taken aback at just how much better this meat is compared to everything else out there. It’s not even close, Shake Shack blows our number two pick out of the water because it does everything better. It’s juicier than Fat Burger’s meat, with that same caramelized crust that keeps those savory juices locked in, but the flavor and texture of the meat is just so much better. It almost melts in your mouth without the need to chew it, with just the right amount of salt that enhances the flavor, rather than masks it. This meat is so delicate and sumptuous that I’m pretty sure your saliva alone could break it down.

The burgers at Shake Shack are made using a proprietary meat blend courtesy of New Jersey-based butcher Pat LaFrieda, so it’s no surprise that what you get from Shake Shack is much more luxurious. No other fast food restaurant is doing beef this delicious.

The Bottom Line

Hands down the best burger meat you can buy at a fast food restaurant. It’s amazing that a Shack Burger doesn’t cost more than $10, every bite is luxuriously delicious.

Find your nearest Shake Shack here.

If you’ve watched any quality TV over the past few decades (and surely, that’s the case), then you are familiar with the work of Natalie Zea. Most prominently, you know her from Justified, the beloved and acclaimed crime drama in which she played a character (Winona Hawkins) who not only had to deal with the Dixie Mafia (while pregnant with Raylan’s baby) but got dragged to hell by many of the show’s fans. We’ll talk about that in a little more detail later, but I want to talk more about how Zea’s been a regularly working actress before and after that notable role, yet none of these projects have gone the distance. Cancellations after a few seasons (as with The Detour and The Unicorn, the latter of which reunited her with ex-fellow-Harlan resident Walton Goggins) seem to be the name of the game. She’s a beguiling actress in need of her own vehicle.

Well, there’s a new show starring Natalie Zea that you really should consider putting on your calendar. If you haven’t seen the teaser trailer for NBC’s La Brea (which arrives on Sept. 28), then stop what you’ve been doing today and please enjoy yourself for approximately 35 seconds. I’ll wait for you, and we can talk this out afterward.

This looks like a glorious madhouse. An enormous sinkhole, which looks to be at least one-square-mile in area, opens in the middle of LA and sucks Natalie Zea into some primeval hellhole. There is, in fact, a “La Brea” museum in Los Angeles that preserves what has been found in the fossil quarries known as the La Brea pits. There are bird and mammoth skeletons, and it’s a whole gateway-to-the-past thing, so I guess this show is rooted in maybe 1/10 of one fact. That’s not really important here, though. What matters is that Natalie Zea gets yanked into the worst CGI-fall possible to push her back into some prehistoric land with pterodactyls and growling creatures and peril everywhere.

It’s absurd and preposterous and probably the kind of show that could find a helplessly devoted audience, if only NBC could harness the chaos and stay patient long enough to let the story unfold. The question is this: will they do so?

There are plenty of other people (including Natalie Zea’s son) who fall into that hellhole, and (according to the show’s synopsis) the husband-type figure is left above while having visions about how to find those missing, and we really do not know anything at at all about their dynamics. What I do know is this: this is an NBC sci-fi drama, and NBC has had a real issue with not nurturing their recent sci-fi dramas in an optimal way. Both Debris and Manifest transformed into casualties, with the latter being an example of an objectively bad show that grew wildly popular, to the point where people (including Stephen King) are still actively campaigning for its survival after NBC dropped it.

What I’m wildly proposing is this: if any actress can help save NBC from making more sci-fi stumbles (and the writers/producers step up, too), it could very well be Natalie Zea. She’s plucky and never receives enough recognition for pairing drama with wry humor. On Justified, she was so convincing at being the only character who ever truly tried to talk some sense into Raylan (don’t @ me about Art; he and Raylan very clearly held begrudging admiration for each other, and Art’s reprimands were largely lip service) because (gasp!) she didn’t want him to wind up dead during his swaggery-yet-sometimes-squirrely adventures. She was so good at playing this part (it ain’t easy to stand up against a lovable hero) that it was easy to kind-of grumble at Natalie Zea, too, because Raylan was mythical, to the point where one fugitive visibly marveled at his recognition of who was coming for him.

I have a hunch that Natalie’s subsequent career moves have been a little burdened by her Winona time, for understandable reasons. Look, when one plays a cop’s wife (or ex-wife) on a crime drama, then the character usually doesn’t push back too much. They’re in the peripheral, but Winona didn’t settle back and stay quiet, and she stood firm after pushing back. And Natalie Zea played her earnestly, but one can also read a little wink to the audience in some of those pushbacks at Raylan. He deserved it too, that smirking stinker, but it’s time for Natalie to shed the residual Winona aura. And Natalie can do so while using her ability to pair her Winona-honed drama-and-humor combo for La Brea.

In the years since Justified, Natalie turned in a few respectable seasons on Samantha Bee’s The Detour, which was a delightful family road-trip comedy on TBS. She also (concurrently to Justified) went toe-to-toe with Kevin Bacon in The Following, a psychological thriller series that rustled up three seasons. Before all of these shows, Natalie freaked the hell out of David Duchovny’s Hank Moody (not an easy feat) in Californication and did her soap opera time on Passions. Not to mention this: she is funny as heck on talk shows, whether she’s offering tips on the “flashback face” or admitting to her bizarre “medical problem” while Conan O’Brien can’t stop laughing.

And let’s face it: La Brea looks ridiculous in an entertaining way. Such a show requires a lead actress with a sense of humor, who can hide the giggles while playing it super-dramatic. It is very dramatic to fall into a sinkhole and find oneself in a terrifying alternate world, and yeah, I want to see how the writers clean up that hot mess. This show, from the little that has been revealed thus far, appears to appeal to the very same audience that loves Manifest. Both shows have preposterous setups that could veer in untold directions, so let’s hope that the writers can use Natalie’s strengths for good, and then maybe, just maybe, we’ll see some Justice For Winona on the horizon. Maybe she’ll even appear in that possible future Raylan show?

Never say never, and hopefully, La Brea won’t go the way of the dinosaurs Manifest.

NBC’s ‘La Brea’ premieres on September 28.

After the initial frenzy of the first few hours of free agency, things have slowed considerably in the world of NBA transactions, but a pair of important deals got done on Wednesday.

First was Spencer Dinwiddie’s sign-and-trade finally getting completed with the Nets and Wizards, as Washington finishes its roster overhaul after the Russell Westbrook trade (which the Dinwiddie deal became a part of). Later that night, word emerged from Harrison Sanford of NBC Sports Philly and confirmed by Marc Stein, that Danny Green was returning to the Sixers on a two-year, $20 million deal that will allow the Sixeers to, effectively, run it back with their squad that earned the East’s 1-seed but came up short in the playoffs, losing to the Hawks in the second round.

It is a straight two-year deal as well, per Adrian Wojnarowski, as there are no team or player options for 2022-23.

Retaining Green was always part of the Sixers plan, but it was a matter of whether the two sides could figure out the price tag to keep him around. They found that middle ground at $10 million per year, and it allows Philly to bring back their 3-and-D ace for another season. Green gave the Sixers exactly what they wanted a year ago, shooting 40.5 percent from three, while averaging 9.5 points, 3.8 rebounds, and 1.3 steals in 28 minutes per game.

Now that Philly has held serve in free agency aside from shuffling Andre Drummond in for Dwight Howard at backup center and letting George Hill walk, the question is what they’ll do with regards to the Ben Simmons trade front. Their asking price has led to executives calling it “outlandish,” but as the season approaches, we’ll see if they get more determined to move their star by moving closer to what other teams see as Simmons’ value and make a real significant move as the East around them continues loading up.

There are plenty of homages to be found in Netflix’s latest aesthetic action romp, Gunpowder Milkshake.

Keen-eyed action aficionados might find odes to the freewheeling underdog stylings of Jackie Chan in a certain bowling alley brawl, a French Connection nod in a hilarious car chase sequence, a gratifying Kill Bill throwback in a costume choice, or a John Wick-modeled showdown in a Baroque library where books double as gun cases and librarians know how to wield hammers with surprising efficiency.

But even amidst the slick set pieces and neon-drenched shoot-em-ups, one showdown in director Navot Papushado’s stylish punch-fest stands out. Mid-film, Karen Gillan’s Sam – a hitwoman for hire whose latest job has saddled her with an unwelcome, underage sidekick – must survive a Spaghetti Western-style stand-off with three goons in a dental clinic. Her attackers are injured – they shuffle awkwardly on crutches, in neck braces, and using wheelchairs – and they’re also high as kites on laughing gas. Sam is equally handicapped, having been injected with a paralytic agent that renders her arms useless. So, naturally, she improvises, and in the process, Papushado delivers the film’s most memorable, most surreal action sequence.

It’s inspiration? Roger Rabbit.

“We wanted the fight sequences to feel different,” Papushado tells UPROXX. “The clinic especially was very heavily inspired by cartoons; Buster Keaton and Who Framed Roger Rabbit.”

It’s the humor that spoke to Papushado’s directorial style.

“In Roger Rabbit, they’re laughing but they’re dying. We just went, ‘Okay, can we take that and just dial it up to 11?’ Like making something that’s really bananas. For me, that’s my childhood, watching cartoons on Saturday morning.”

That sense of whimsy played a role in everything, from the design of the clinic – shot on location in Berlin – to the music that scores the scene. It’s claustrophobic, a narrow hallway filled with flying bullets and clunky fist fighting, and unforgivingly lit – bright whites and neon greens make blood splatter and detached body parts easier to spot. The music, a maniacal Mariachi mix Papushado ended up opting for in post, only serves to heighten the absurdity of watching these professional assassins stumble about, lodging scalpels in jugulars and biting each other’s ears off.

Each character had their own theme music and Papushado often played music while shooting to “set the mood.”

“The goons, the three boneheads, were always a little bit more of the Western-style, the way Sergio Leone would cast everyone,” he explains. “They’re not sleek and handsome and they’re not working out at the gym now. These are guys, where if you look very carefully, there’s a little mustard on their shirt and they’re not in the best shape. I would play them the last track from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, and it sort of became their theme.”

For Gillan, getting hype to shoot the clinic fight required a more unique playlist.

“I played two songs, one was from a composer called Stelvio Cipriani, which is very Italian chic,” Papushado said. “The other thing we did, because Karen is such a big fan of the Muppets, we’d play that theme song. We knew it had to be silly, we had to commit to the tone, so between takes we’d say, ‘Alright guys, it’s time for the Muppet song again. Everyone get into their Muppet zone.’”

For stunt coordinator Laurent Demianoff, that humor had to extend to the page, where he crafted the fights, pulling kung-fu comedy influences and working them into Sam’s larger character arc.

“You’re not thinking the same way as when you’re choreographing a regular fight,” Demianoff told UPROXX. “It’s very different because everybody is handicapped. It’s very cartoonish but very violent. So that was really fun to write at first. And then very challenging because we were thinking, ‘How can we do that on-screen?’”

Most of the fighting was intuitive. Demianoff would task his stunt team with rehearing moves, imagining how Gillan would fling her arms one way to aim a gun, another to incapacitate an attacker on crutches. They rehearsed all of the fight scenes for the film in just two weeks, with Gillan putting in weekend hours so that her muscles could memorize the choreography and she could be free to play up the comedy of her character’s dilemma.

“It was more about acting than just being great at action,” Papushado explained. “They don’t need to deliver something very elegant, no, it’s the other way around. They need to act bad, they needed to play like they’re wounded, they’re crippled and they’re fighting for their lives. This time around, it’s not being cool and slick and ‘come and get it,’ like the bowling alley. No, no, this time she’s a wounded animal. She’s fighting for her life. She’s giving everything she got and so are the three other guys. So it was more about the acting and delivering that kind of wild animalistic vibe, which Karen, I mean, she’s incredible. She can change gears in a heartbeat. One moment she’s funny, one moment she’s dangerous. One moment she’s with her back to the wall. One moment she’s chewing someone’s ear …”

That constant change in tone during the film’s many fight scenes is what drew Gillan to the movie.

“I’ve read a lot of action sequences in scripts before and they’re a lot easier to watch than they are to read and it’s usually because there’s a lot of explanation,” Gillan said. “On the page, it’s quite hard to understand how it’s going to make sense visually, but this was so easy to follow and it was also highly original and full of sequences I hadn’t seen before.”

For Papushado, as fun and entertaining as the action is, it also needed to serve the story. He’d seen enough of the Jason Bourne class of action movies, the ones with spectacular, heavily-edited fight scenes and city chases that are exhilarating to watch in the moment, and then forgettable once you step outside the theater. The superhero fare that glosses over the more violent matchups, using CGI and conveniently timed cutaways to deliver something polished but often hollow.

“Jason Bourne was amazing, I remember seeing that movie and being like, ‘Wow, I haven’t seen that before,’” Papushado said. “But since then, it became kind of the standard, because sometimes it’s just easy. You don’t have to stay on the shot for more than two seconds. I’m a little bit fed up with it. You hear the punch, but you don’t see it.”

It’s what sets the entire film’s approach to the gun-fu genre that’s come to dominate so many of the “women kicking ass” offerings of the past few years apart. It’s not just violence for violence’s sake. In every action sequence, Papushado questions what the bruises and battle scars will mean for his heroine moving forward and what the audience will walk away appreciating the most from her fight for survival.

“I was fortunate enough to be supported by an amazing stunt coordinator and trainers,” Papushado continues. “Because there’s nowhere to hide, everything needs to look good and they need to actually land those punches. For me, it just makes more memorable set pieces, more memorable ideas, but it also captures the emotion and the story in it.”

If you’ve never heard of Bell’s Brewery you probably don’t drink much craft beer. The Comstock, Michigan-based brewery has been around in some iteration since 1983 and gaining an ever-expanding cult following for its high-quality brews along the way. From IPAs to lagers to stouts, Bell’s has grown synonymous with craft and quality.

To help you spend your beer money wisely, we re-tasted the nine year-round staples Bell’s Brewery makes and ranked them. Our ranking is based on taste alone (obvi). Armed with this knowledge, you can make your first forays into the Bell’s lineup wisely.

9) Light Hearted Ale

ABV: 3.7%
Average Price: $11.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

When it comes to ranking beer from an award-winning brewery, it should come as no surprise that a light beer wouldn’t land too high on the list. This 3.7% sessionable IPA is brewed with Centennial and Galaxy hops.

As a light beer, it’s great. As an IPA, it’s a little lacking.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is pretty bland with hints of fresh-cut grass, light citrus, and even lighter pine. Not a bad nose, just a bit thin. The palate is dry, crisp, with hints of sweet malts, citrus peel, and just a note of hop bitterness at the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is a totally crushable beer if that’s why you’re looking for. It’s light, dry, and refreshing. Fans of dank, piney IPAs need not apply.

8) No, Yeah

ABV: 4.5%
Average Price: $10 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Even if you’re a craft beer fan, you’ve probably never heard of Bell’s No, Yeah. This 4.5% sessionable, crisp golden ale is only available in Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, and Minnesota. If you live anywhere else, you’re out of luck.

Tasting Notes:

Aromas of wet grass, bready malts, and sweet grains are prevalent, but not much else. The taste reveals more sweet malts and grains as well as some citrus zest, tropical fruits, and light hops. Fairly well-balanced but not good enough to drive to the Midwest to taste (I got mine shipped — there are some perks to beer writing).

Bottom Line:

Similar to Light-Hearted, this is an easy-drinking session beer. It’s reasonably well-balanced but not very exciting compared to the brand’s other offerings.

7) Porter

ABV: 5.6%
Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Porters are great winter warmers but a little too sweet and rich for much of the year. This award-winning porter is a reasonable 5.6% ABV and is the brewery’s lighter take on the classic style. It’s basically a chocolate and coffee-flavored sipper.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is highlighted by scents of caramel, coffee, and light chocolate. It’s got a decent nose but it’s not the most exciting porter we’ve ever tried. The palate is more of the same with espresso beans, bready malts, toffee, and a nutty sweetness throughout.

Bottom Line:

When it comes to easy-drinking, sweet, chocolatey porters, this is a pretty good choice. But it’s against some stiff competition.

6) Amber Ale

ABV: 5.8%
Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

The first beer ever brewed by Bell’s, this Amber Ale is a balance of caramel and toasted malts. It’s sweet, rich, and slightly bitter. It’s the kind of beer you crack open and share with friends. We get why this was the brand’s first-ever beer.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is everything you hope for in an Amber Ale. It’s loaded with sweet caramel malts, slight cereal, and just a hint of floral, slightly bitter hops. The flavor is extremely malty, sweet, and ends with a nice complimentary touch of piney bitterness.

Bottom Line:

If you’re a fan of slightly sweet, caramel-filled, and nicely hopped amber ales, this is perfect for you. It ticks all of the amber ale boxes and does them well.

5) Official Hazy IPA

ABV: 6.4%
Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Hazy IPAs have been trending for the last few years, so it should come as no surprise that Bell’s got in on the scene with its Officially Hazy IPA. This double dry-hopped beer is brewed with Mosaic, Azacca, Amarillo, Citra, and El Dorado hops.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is all citrus and tropical fruits with tangerine, grapefruit, pineapple, and peach taking center stage. The palate is slightly bitter with hints of sweet wheat, orange peel, grapefruit, tropical fruits, and a bit of dank pine to finish it all off.

Bottom Line:

This isn’t your average hazy IPA. It’s more like a mixture of a wheat beer and a New England-style IPA. It’s sweet, fruity, and has a nice, gentle bitterness.

4) Hopsoulution Ale

ABV: 8%
Average Price: $12.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

This 8% ABV double IPA doesn’t get as much hype as Two-Hearted Ale and that’s likely because it’s only available year-round in a few midwestern states. It’s a combination of multiple different hop varieties and ticks all of the IPA boxes. It’s high in alcohol and filled with citrus, tropical, and piney notes.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is a cacophony of citrus peels, tropical fruits, and caramel malts. The palate reveals dank pine, guava, mango, grapefruit, and a nice kick of bready, sweet malts at the very end. Overall, a very well-rounded IPA.

Bottom Line:

This is a great double IPA. It’s fresh, fruity, juicy, and perfectly dank. If its availability was greater, it might become the brewery’s other globally-known double IPA.

3) Kalamazoo Stout

ABV: 6%
Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

If you’re a fan of a classic pint of Guinness, you’ll love this 6% ABV American stout. It’s mellow, rich, and filled with hints of chocolate fudge, sticky toffee, and freshly brewed coffee. It’s even richer and bolder than its ABV would dictate.

Tasting Notes:

The nose delivers aromas of vanilla beans, butterscotch, chocolate, and light oakiness. The taste is melted milk chocolate, toffee, buttery caramel, and gentle coffee bitterness at the end.

Bottom Line:

This is a great stout. It’s the kind of beer we’d crack open literally any time of the year, but especially in the middle of winter.

2) Two-Hearted Ale

ABV: 7%
Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Two-Hearted is by far Bell’s’ most popular beer, and for good reason. This highly drinkable, refreshing, 7% ABV double IPA is made with 100% Centennial hops. The result is a dank, citrus-filled, malt-fueled IPA you won’t soon forget.

There’s a reason it commonly makes lists of best IPAs in America.

Tasting Notes:

Fresh cut grass, clove, citrus zest, caramel malts, and tropical fruits lead the way in the aroma department. The palate is heavy on guava, mango, pineapple, and dank, resinous pine. That’s balanced by a lightly sweet malt backbone.

Bottom Line:

When it comes to double IPAs, this is one of the most well-rounded, complex beers around. It’s piney, filled with citrus, tropical fruits, and has just the right amount of sweet malts to make you forget some of the other IPAs on the market.

1) Lager of the Lakes

ABV: 5%
Average Price: $10 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Never had Lager of the Lakes? You don’t know what you’re missing. This Czech-style Bohemian pilsner is well-known for its combination of bready malts and bitter hops. It’s refreshing, highly crushable, and the perfect beer for a day at the lake.

Tasting Notes:

The aroma is all caramel malts, Noble hops, and light corn sweetness. Some fruity, citrus notes arrive late. The flavor is crisp, thirst-quenching, and filled with sweet wheat, corn, biscuit-like malts, slight fruit, and pleasing, bitter hops.

Bottom Line:

This should become your new go-to summer beer (and literally any other time of year). It’s light, refreshing, and highly crushable.

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As a Drizly affiliate, Uproxx may receive a commission pursuant to certain items on this list.

Last spring, Live Nation, Snoop Dogg, and Bobby Dee announced the Lovers & Friends festival, a massive showcase that would bring some of the best singers and rappers of the 1990s and 2000s to one stage. The festival flyer was equipped with names that included Lauryn Hill, Usher, Lil Jon, Ludacris, Ciara, Nelly, Ashanti, Ja Rule, Ne-Yo, Trey Songz, Brandy, and, Monica — and that’s just on the first two lines of the poster.

Then the pandemic arrived and forced the postponement of the festival, as it did for many other big name showcases. Luckily Lovers & Friends announced that the festival — with all the artists that appeared on the original flyer — would return on May 14, 2022. Now, the showcase has unveiled a second date for the show.

Lauryn Hill, Usher, Lil Jon, Ludacris, and the rest of the crew will take the stage for the festival in Las Vegas for an added show on May 15, 2022. Those who signed up for access to presale tickets for the May 14 date will now have access to the “First Dibs Presale” for the May 15 date which begins on Saturday, August 7 at 3 p.m. EST / 12 p.m. PST. Another presale for the second date will begin on Monday, August 9 at 1 p.m. EST / 10 a.m. PST while tickets for the general public will be made available starting August 9 at 5 p.m. EST / 2 a.m. PST.

For more information, check out loversandfriendsfest.com.

Summer 2021 is flying by! We’re now in the final full month of the season. So before we launch our big yearly roundup of the best new ice cream flavors on the market, we have to finish paying tribute to the classics. We’ve hit vanilla, found the best chocolate ice cream your money can buy, and now it’s time to take on that sweet fruit adored by gods and lovers: strawberry.

For some reason, strawberry is a lot more polarizing a flavor than vanilla and chocolate. When people don’t like Neopolitan ice cream (note: these people’s taste buds are broken) it’s more often than not the strawberry that they take issue with. And you’ll never find a dessert menu that has just strawberry ice cream. Not even the super hipster places that churn it themselves. A shame because strawberry ice cream is amazing.

I didn’t always feel this way — I’m a recent strawberry ice cream convert. As I child I hated the stuff but as my palate grew more refined and appreciative of nuance (just check my fast food rankings for evidence of that!), I began to see that strawberry ice cream offers an uplifting and bright burst of flavor that vanilla and chocolate just can’t match.

In a quest to find the very best strawberry ice creams on the market, we put 10 brands to a blind taste test then power ranked them.

Part 1: The Taste

For this ranking, I grabbed 10 brands that are commonly stocked at grocery stores and asked my girlfriend serve them to me unmarked, one at a time, to keep optimal frozen consistency. She constantly questioned whether this was really my job or just a way for me to eat a whole lot of ice cream in one sitting. I’m still not sure she’s convinced.

Taste 1:

Wow, this scoop isn’t messing around. The first thing that jumped out to me was the consistency — it’s thick and creamy with small bits of strawberry spread throughout. The strawberries are so small that the frozen texture doesn’t distract or take away from the luxurious mouthfeel.

Small strawberry seeds add an interesting texture to this scoop.

Taste 2:

Very light on the strawberry flavor here. It almost tastes like vanilla ice cream with the lightest drizzle of strawberry sauce mixed in, Cold Stone style. The strawberry flavoring is pretty weak, but overall I’m really enjoying this flavor.

This is a great subtle iteration of the flavor, especially if fresh strawberries in your vanilla ice cream is more your speed than straight-up strawberry.

Taste 3:

The flavor here is the polar opposite of the last tasting. Where that one was light and subtle, this one bashes you over the head with the strawberry flavoring. It’s sickly sweet, like strawberry Nesquik. This one also has chunks of strawberries like taste 1, but they’re much larger here and provide an icy popsicle-like bite that I found distracting.

Taste 4:

This one also goes heavy on the artificial strawberry flavor but it’s not nearly as intense as the last taste. Rather than chunks of fruit, this one provides the tiniest bits of strawberries that add a nice bright flavor and don’t force you to chew through ice cubes.

Overall pretty solid, but nowhere near as good as the first two tastes.

Taste 5:

This one presents a good balance between strawberry and cream flavors but it’s a bit watery on the finish. The flavor doesn’t really linger on your palate at all — it hits your tongue and mellows out into a neutral aftertaste. The chunks of strawberries in this one are huge and deeply frozen, which makes them last longer than the ice cream itself.

The ice cream melted away while I was still busy chewing on that frozen berry, which I didn’t love.

Taste 6:

Really interesting consistency here. It’s light and pillowy without being watery, presenting a creamy texture that melts in your mouth in the most sublime way. There is a lot of depth to the flavor here, it hits you with sweetened strawberry notes, mellows out into something resembling vanilla, and then finishes with a nice natural berry flavor.

From my notes: “The perfect balance between real and artificial strawberry.”

Taste 7:

This was a shock to the system after the perfection that was that last scoop. It tastes leagues different than all the other brands so far, it’s highly artificial and not in the least bit creamy, tasting more like a strawberry flavored popsicle than it does a scoop of ice cream.

I’m calling it here — this is my bottom pick.

Taste 8:

This one has a great consistency, it’s thick without being too dense, presenting a luxurious and creamy mouthfeel, but the flavor just doesn’t wow me. It’s way too sour and tangy with a tropical quality to it that kind of reminded me of a strawberry banana smoothie.

That doesn’t sound bad, but it’s not what I’m looking for in a strawberry ice cream.

Taste 9:

This scoop’s strawberry bits were perfectly distributed and I could taste actual strawberry in every bite, which is appreciated. The consistency is slightly pillowy, close to what Taste 6 offered, but the overall flavor is not nearly as delicious. While I feel like this scoop was refreshing, it tasted just a bit too watery to me.

I want ice cream, I’m not over here trying to get hydrated.

Taste 10:

My girlfriend must think she’s funny bringing me what is clearly the dairy-free brand last, what a weak close! I have a lot of sympathy for the people who have to opt for dairy-free ice cream brands because this stuff is just so far from tasting like actual ice cream. From the icy consistency to the bright flavor, this just straight up tastes like a frozen chunk of strawberry. What I really didn’t like was how it kind of sits on your tongue in a pile of slush — it doesn’t have that buttery quality that every other scoop had.

Having said that, it’s still preferable to Taste 7, which is probably the worst iteration of the flavor I’ve ever experienced. If this ends up not being the dairy-free brand, feel free to roast me in the comments.

Part 2: The Ranking

10. Kroger Deluxe — Strawberry (Taste 7)

Average Price $1

The Ice Cream:

You can grab Kroger Deluxe’s Strawberry ice cream for just $1 dollar a quart — but you couldn’t pay me to eat this ice cream again. I don’t have anything against store brands, I’m sure I have a few dozen Kroger branded products in my kitchen right now, but this experience was enough to convince me to never give their ice cream a shot again.

The Bottom Line:

Don’t buy it — hell, don’t even look at it, it’ll poison your mind with its horribleness.

9. Whole Foods 365 — Strawberry (Taste 3)

Average Price $5.99

The Ice Cream:

I swear to you, I’m not against store brands, but uh, Whole Foods 365 brand is also pretty bad. And at $6 a quart, it’s almost infuriating to me just how bad it is. At least Kroger knew to price their sad attempt at ice cream accordingly. Whole Foods charging you this premium price feels like a hard slap in the face.

Don’t let this admittedly nice packaging convince you to pay Bezos for this trash.

The Bottom Line:

For this price, you’re better off going to a nearby ice cream parlor and getting their house strawberry. You won’t get as much value, but at least you’ll actually enjoy the thing you spent money on. This will just remain in your freezer like a frozen block of sad.

8. Eclipse — Strawberry Fields (Taste 10)

Average Price $11.99 (per pint)

The Ice Cream:

Eclipse is a dairy-free, non-GMO, plant-based ice cream brand that claims that they’ve created an ice cream that is indistinguishable from dairy. That’s… just not true. But flavor-wise Eclipse really delivers. It’s bright and undeniably tastes like actual strawberries. In a ranking of non-dairy ice creams, I’m sure it would rank highly.

Against the real thing, we’re going to have to keep this one near the bottom of the list.

The Bottom Line:

If you’re looking for a dairy-free strawberry ice cream that tastes natural and delicious, this is your brand.

7. Favorite Day — Strawberry (Taste 5)

Average Price $2.99

The Ice Cream:

Favorite Day is Target’s store brand and despite its unimaginative name, it’s proven itself pretty solid in our ice cream rankings so far. This ice cream is made with a blend of nonfat milk and sweer cream buttermilk, which really gives it a luxurious consistency for such affordable ice cream.

Unfortunately, that lack of a lingering flavor is really holding it back from ranking higher for us.

The Bottom Line:

Don’t roll your eyes at Target’s store brand, Favorite Day delivers consistently solid ice cream for a low price.

6. Dreyers/Edy’s — Strawberry (Taste 8)

Average Price $3.48

The Ice Cream:

Dreyer’s/Edy’s is overall a pretty solid but unremarkable brand. The ice cream here is made with actual milk and cream (the great consistency reflects this) and contains no artificial colors or flavors, but the taste is a little lacking compared to some of these other brands. For the low price, you’re getting a lot of value here, but if you’re in the freezer aisle wondering why this is priced lower than Breyer’s, it’s because it’s not quite as good.

The Bottom Line:

A great option if you’re on a budget. This ice cream has the best consistency in this low price range.

5. Great Value — Strawberry Ice Cream (Taste 4)

Average Price $1.97

The Ice Cream:

See, I told you I don’t have anything against store value brands! Great Value occupies a similar prince point to Kroger Deluxe, only this ice cream is leagues better. I’ll admit that before I embarked on this blind taste test I had assumed that Great Value, Kroger, and even Favorite Day would likely land at the bottom of this ranking, but here is Great Value snagging that top-five spot!

The Bottom Line:

Great Value Strawberry Ice Cream really lives up to its name. For the price and with the flavor this delivers, it’s an excellent bargain buy.

4. Breyers — Natural Strawberry (Taste 9)

Average Price $4.49

The Ice Cream:

I was a little surprised that Breyer’s didn’t perform better. While landing in fourth place is nothing to scoff at, usually the brand nails these blind taste tests. Not this time, though — I found their strawberry flavor a little lacking overall. Breyer’s is made with real milk and cream, and they even use actual sugar to sweeten their ice cream, rather than corn syrup like most brands.

The quart advertises that the ice cream is made with “sun-ripened” strawberries, which is really more a case of smart marketing than anything you’ll actually pick up on in the ice cream itself.

The Bottom Line

A solid choice with great consistency and a good initial flavor but compared to the quality Breyer’s usually delivers, this one was surprisingly forgettable.

3. Blue Bunny — Double Strawberry Swirl (Taste 2)

Average Price $3.97

The Ice Cream

Another surprise for me — I know Blue Bunny has its fans, but generally, I feel like their ice creams are way too sweet. The brand also has a tendency to love putting swirls in their flavors and, generally speaking, I don’t like this (marshmallow swirl in rocky road? no thanks). With this strawberry flavor, it works! It introduces the strawberry in a really subtle way, approaching the flavor differently than every other brand in this ranking.

The Bottom Line

If you want a strawberry ice cream that doesn’t taste artificial, this is a really great and subtlety-flavored option.

2. Häagan-Dazs — Strawberry (Taste 1)

Average Price $3.79 (per pint)

The Ice Cream

I was really torn on this one. On certain hot days, I can see Häagen-Dazs hitting a spot that our number one pick can’t. This strawberry ice cream is dense and creamy, and smooth like butter and offers one of the best mouthfeels of any of the ice creams on this list. But it’s just a little too decadent. I can’t imagine myself having more than a spoonful, and where is the fun in that?

The Bottom Line

If you like to eat your ice cream sparingly, this is a great pick. The flavors are intense and the consistency is unmatched, but it’s incredibly decadent so a whole bowl or a proper full scoop might feel overwhelmingly rich.

1. Tillamook — Oregon Strawberry (Taste 6)

Average Price $5.99

The Ice Cream

Here we are at our number one pick! Tillamook uses real strawberries picked fresh from a farm in Oregon and sports an ingredients list that actually puts cream first, which trust me, isn’t the norm in the world of modern grocery store ice cream. Tillamook then uses skim milk (whole would’ve provided an even better consistency, but hey, you can’t have everything) sugar, strawberries, egg yolks, and red beet concentrate, which helps to give this ice cream its beautiful eye-catching color.

What really won me over with this one was that pillowy consistency. Sure it doesn’t have the luxurious butter-like quality that Häagen-Daz does, but it’s a lot more enjoyable to eat. The scoop might not be as indulgent, but this feels like a grocery store staple and invites pour-overs and mix-ins (make yourself a shake — you deserve it!).

The Bottom Line

While our number one and number two pick both offer an amazing experience, I have to give it to Tillamook for its interesting pillowy texture and nice balance of strawberry and cream flavors.