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How does that old saying go? Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it, but those who attempt to learn about history from Donald Trump might be out $100 and think Frederick Douglass is still alive? Yeah, that sounds about right. On Monday night, Seth Meyers dug into the talk surrounding the sluggish ticket sales for Trump and Bill O’Reilly’s so-called “History Tour,” where they’ll undoubtedly chat about fake news and the rigged 2020 election. But will anybody be listening?

Quoting a Politico article from last week, Meyers explained on Late Night with Seth Meyers how the not-so-dynamic duo are having trouble moving advance tickets for their shows, a claim which O’Reilly is vehemently denying to the point where he’s threatening a lawsuit against the article’s author. The story made specific mention of a show at the Amway Center in Orlando, Florida, which has the capacity to host 20,000 people. According to Meyers, a box office employee of the arena (who opted to be quoted anonymously) said there are still a lot of tickets left for the December event and that “We have concerts that are doing a lot better than this.” Meyers’ response?

“I’m sure they do. First of all, it’s in Orlando. There’s a wealth of theme parks. Why go to a Trump/O’Reilly History Tour when you can learn more about U.S. history at the Hall of Presidents or even Space Mountain? Hell, even SeaWorld could probably be a better use of your time… Who the hell wants to go see a so-called ‘History Tour’ with a disgraced former cable news host and a man was just quoted as having said: ‘I think it would be hard if George Washington came back from the dead and he chose Abraham Lincoln as his vice president, I think it would have been very hard for them to beat me.”

Let’s put that into context: One of the few sitting presidents to lose a reelection bid not only believes that he could beat both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln in a presidential election, but has actually spent time pondering what would happen if Washington and Lincoln were brought back from the dead? (Though, from his quote, it’s not completely clear whether he knows that Lincoln was assassinated more than 150 years ago.) Meyers said it best when he described a history tour with Trump as “the opposite of a Ken Burns documentary.”

You can watch the full clip above.

Click to download here.

The Makings Of A Varsity Podcaster

Comedian, writer, and actor Paco Romane from the Sup Doc podcast takes a break from his eighth rewatch of the Sopranos to join Matt and Vince for a conversation about season five episode three, “Where’s Johnny?”

This episode, unlike the marinara Janice is buying from Vesuvio and passing off as her own, is full of beef. Johnny Sac and Little Carmine have beef over who collects gambling debts, Feech and Paulie are beefing over gardener territories, and Tony and Junior are beefing over Tony’s athletic prowess. Junior says it was Tony’s small hands that kept him from being a varsity athlete, but I think he was always winded from all the nose whistling.

Near the end of the episode you’ll hear as Vince experiences the great Fresno earthquake of 2021. Sort of felt like the earth’s way of saying it was time to wrap it up.

If you have any suggestions for how Vesuvio could improve the eggplant parm, leave them in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

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-Description by Brent Flyberg.

Brooklyn singer-songwriter Steve Gunn has unveiled a lovely new single, “Fulton,” plus news of a three-night residency at Los Angeles’ Gold Diggers, happening from September 9 to 11. The lovingly melodic “Fulton,” which you can hear above, follows two previous singles from Gunn, “Other You” (which is also the name of his forthcoming album, arriving in August) and “Reflection.”

As you might remember, Gunn first got his start in Kurt Vile‘s backing band, The Violators, before moving over to a solo career. In a statement alongside the album’s June announcement, Gunn described how he arrived at the album’s title, Other You:

“I came up with this title when we were recording vocals and [producer] Rob [Schnapf] was very into harmonies. There was a third part and I just couldn’t find the note. I couldn’t vocalize it. He went in and took my voice and put it into his computer program, then he could playback and ‘sing’ the note with my voice using the computer. And he said, ‘Sing to the other you.’ So I was singing along to myself singing a note I couldn’t sing.”

Gunn’s updated tour dates are below, with the LA residency reflected.

07/22 — Brooklyn, NY @ The Bell House^
07/23 — Livingston Manor, NY @ Catskill Brewery^
07/24 — Burlington, VT @ Backside 405^
07/25 — Peaks Island, ME @ Lion’s Club^
07/26 — Keene, NH @ Nova Arts^
07/27 — Newport, RI @ Folk On^
07/29 — New Haven, CT @ Cafe Nine^
09/09 — Los Angeles, CA @ Gold Diggers
09/10 — Los Angeles, CA @ Gold Diggers
09/11 — Los Angeles, CA @ Gold Diggers
12/02 — Chicago, IL @ Thalia Hall #
12/03 — Minneapolis, MN @ Cedar Cultural Center #
12/04 — Milwaukee, WI @ Cactus Club #
12/05 — Lakeside, MI @ Lakeside Inn #
12/07 — Nashville, TN @ Third Man #
12/08 — Atlanta, GA @ Terminal West #
12/09 — Charlotte, NC @ Recover Brands #
12/10 — Asheville, NC @ The Grey Eagle Tavern #
12/11 — Carrboro, NC @ Cat’s Cradle #
12/12 — Baltimore, MD @ Creative Alliance #
12/14 — Cambridge, MA @ The Sinclair #
12/15 — Holyoke, MA @ Gateway City Arts #
12/16 — Kingston, NY @ Tubby’s #
12/17 — Ardmore, PA @ Ardmore Music Hall #
12/18 — New York, NY @ Bowery Ballroom #

^ with William Tyler
# with Jeff Parker

Listen to “Fulton” above, and grab tickets to Gunn’s LA residency here.

Other You is out 8/27 via Matador. Pre-order it here.

There are few athletes who have found social media late in their careers who have done more with it to make themselves seem likable than Tom Brady. The surefire Hall of Famer has delighted fans in recent years with his Twitter account that happily pokes fun at himself and others, making timely quips and embracing jokes about his age, mistakes, or drunken boat parade escapades rather than trying to run from them.

For someone who long played the villain as the leader of the Patriots dynasty, it has been stunning to see the face turn in Tampa, where the 43-year-old Brady has let the more fun side of his personality shine through. On Tuesday, the Bucs visited the White House, a place Brady is quite familiar with, for their Super Bowl celebration with Joe Biden and Brady came prepared with a full on standup routine that few expected but absolutely delighted POTUS and his teammates.

The surprise in all this is that we are not all that far removed from Brady having a MAGA hat in his locker (and refusing to talk about it), and here he is jabbing at Trump and his supporters. I’m not sure Tom has a future on stage as a comic, but after a little stumble setting up the 40 percent joke he found his stride and the “Sleepy Tom” one landed pretty well. Biden was clearly loving it and the continued emergence of fun-loving Tom Brady remains a somewhat stunning but enjoyable final chapter in his legendary career.

Coldplay have announced that their ninth studio album, Music Of The Spheres, is due for arrival in October. Posting a handwritten note to social media, the band said that their forthcoming follow-up to 2019’s Everyday Life was produced by pop superproducer Max Martin and that a single, “Coloratura,” would drop in full on Friday, July 23. Also, another single will drop sometime in September, according to the note, which looks like it was written in Y2K-era milky pens.

https://twitter.com/coldplay/status/1417501479263477770/photo/1

Chris Martin and company also shared a new teaser trailer for around the new album. The clip, titled “Overtura,” is overtly space-themed, depicting a swirling, cosmic trip around a bustling solar system. Meanwhile, song snippets play in the background as the camera circles around each planet. (Visually speaking, “Overtura” contains definite Windows screensaver vibes, but I mean that in a good way.)

Back in May, Coldplay released “Higher Power,” also Max Martin-produced. At the time, they circled around the subject of a new album, saying, “there won’t not be one.”

Martin also spoke with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe around that time, touching on his interest in musical experimentation: “I think that every artist is completely intertwined with what’s happening culturally and what’s happening technologically around them, you know? So when the delay pedal came through, whoever invented that, then you had all these amazing delay pedal records. So we’ve existed in the band concurrently with the barriers between types of music coming down… which for us is the biggest blessing in the world. When we started, it was like, ‘You’re a white indie band and this is urban radio and this is alternative radio,’ and basically old-fashioned racist statements. Of course, we fit in a box at the beginning, and then right now in 2021, everyone’s doing everything. You can like Olivia Rodrigo as much as you like AC/DC and no one thinks that’s weird, and that’s musical utopia for me. […] It’s miraculous. So why would you want to stay in one box?”

Music Of The Spheres is out 10/15 via Atlantic. Pre-order it here.

Coldplay is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music.

It’s been over a year since Tekashi 69 was officially released from prison due to COVID concerns. The rapper finished the remainder of his sentence on house arrest and in that time recorded a hit track with Nicki Minaj. He’s played a handful of large-scale stadium concerts since his sentence was completed, which he’s been majorly flexing on Instagram, but it now looks like he’s opting to put some upcoming shows on hold due to more legal issues.

Though he usually posts regularly, it’s been a while since Tekashi has been active on Instagram. But this week, the rapper took to social media to inform fans he would be postponing a few concerts. Tekashi explained the shows will be pushed back to deal with family matters and court issues. “I must postpone my North Carolina show & Virginia show due to personal family & court matters,” he wrote. “Update soon.”

While the rapper didn’t specify which family or court matters he needed to attend to, Tekashi has had his fair share of legal troubles in recent months. Earlier this year, Tekashi was reportedly sued by a stripper in Miami after getting in a fight with someone who called him out for snitching. After that, the rapper was hit with another lawsuit, this time by his own security team. The lawsuit reportedly noted the rapper owed the company which employs his security team over $75,000.

UK songwriter Nilüfer Yanya gained a cult following with her jaunty 2019 debut album Miss Universe. Late last year, the musician followed-up the LP with the three-track project Feeling Lucky?, which further explored her melodic pop-rock sound. Now, Yanya has tapped a few talented artists to rework each song for her Feeling Lucky? Remix EP.

Yanya officially announced the remix project with a reworked version of the track “Day 7.5093” by Chicago-born producer KeiyaA. The new version of the track picks up the original song’s pace, melting Yanya’s textured vocals over a skittering beat and vibrant keys.

In a statement about the upcoming project, Yanya said, “The soundtrack to your summer has arrived! I’m a massive fan of all the artists and really honoured they took the time to put their own unique spin on each track. Hope all 3 remixes lift your mood like they have mine.”

After reworking “Day 7.5093” for the remix EP, KeiyaA expressed her excitement about the project. “It was an incredible challenge to re-harmonize this record using Nilufer’s melodies as my guide,” KeiyaA said. “Nilufer is an excellent songwriter and I was thrilled to be asked to do this remix.”

Listen to KeiyaA’s remix of “Day 7.5093” above and find Yanya’s Feeling Lucky? Remix EP tracklist below.

1. “Same Damn Luck (Little Dragon Remix)”
2. “Day 7.5093 (KeiyaA Remix)”
3. “Crash (Kwes Rework)”

Feeling Lucky? Remix EP is out 8/18 via ATO Records. Pre-order it here.

Donald Trump Jr.’s post-election escapades have included amped up, slurry “Motel 6” rants and bombing at CPAC, and let’s just say that he’s extremely online these days. And not so much based in reality. However, Don Jr. wanted to tell everyone that he’s a very hands-on type of guy in terms of, like, putting hammers to wood on his own?

There’s no telling whether Don Jr. fancies himself as a lost Property Brother, but he did describe himself as a “builder.” Perhaps he thought he could make that claim because his fam has deep ties in the construction business. It’s not too clear on that front, but what’s more obvious is that the shoutiest Trump son attempted to make a terrible, no good-connection between a George Floyd mural being hit by lighting (and it’s unconfirmed whether lightning is to blame or vandalism) … and “a higher power” which he believes is attempting to confirm something unsavory about Floyd himself.

Jr.’s racially charged rhetoric continued. “When was the last time you heard of a brick building being destroyed by lightning?” Jr. tweeted. “I am a builder and I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it.”

Well from there, the question wasn’t whether lightning ever strikes brick buildings (because it does happen, as chimneys will attest) but why, exactly, Don Jr. called himself “a builder.” Social media enjoyed that claim, and it didn’t turn out well for Jr.

No “Infrastructure Week” jokes? C’mon Twitter.

With all due respect to The Godfather, The Lord of the Rings, and Back to the Future, the greatest trilogy of all-time is the Jackass trilogy. Or at least it was, because now Jackass is now the greatest quadrilogy of all-time. Sorry, Toy Story, but I don’t make the rules. To be fair, I haven’t actually seen Jackass Forever — I’m still annoyed they didn’t go with Jackass 4ever — but something tells me Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, and the rest of the gang won’t let us down.

After 2020, we need to “laugh our asses off” to Jackass now more than ever.

Jackass Forever stars returning favorites Knoxville, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Dave England, Wee Man, Danger Ehren, and Preston Lacy (but no Bam Margera), who are joined by new members to the troupe, Sean “Poopies” McInerney (last seen getting bit by a shark during Shark Week), Jasper, Rachel Wolfson, Zach Holmes, and Eric Manaka. It’s directed by Jeff Tremaine and produced by Spike Jonze, which will never not be funny to me. He’s an Oscar-winning screenwriter who spends his free time watching his long-time buddies get blasted off the toilet and hit in the nuts by a softball, like in the trailer above. It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry (the Johnny Cash song at the beginning had me weeping), but most of all, it’ll make you glad Jackass is back.

Jackass 4 comes out on October 22.

This article originally appeared on 06.29.18

Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.

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“Why don’t we ever go anywhere?”

“We have everything we need here,” he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

“We actually don’t,” I said. “I’m hungry, let’s check out that new Indian place around the corner.”

“No! We might run into one of my buddies,” he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn’t take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that’s the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It’s just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They’re OK with banging a fat girl, but they don’t want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It’s one thing if you’re not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that’s emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there’s consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don’t act like we’re in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I’ll tell you what it’s like: It’s as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who’s into having sex with you. We don’t have magic vaginas, and our breasts don’t do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn’t mean we’re so hungry for attention that we’ll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful or who isn’t proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you’re someone’s big dirty secret.

You’re not only dateable, you’re lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I’m responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.