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While you can easily (and maybe even happily) spend the rest of your days drinking the same whisk(e)ys that have been readily available for decades, there’s a world beyond that classic black-labeled bottle of Jack Daniel’s, red wax-sealed Maker’s Mark, and poultry-adorned Wild Turkey. That’s why we suggest that between sipping on “the usual suspects” you try a new release every now and then. What better way to improve your palate and whiskey IQ?

Besides, who doesn’t want to try something different from time to time?

Well, lucky you. These days there’s a new bourbon, Scotch, or rye released every week, a mix of annual releases and limited-edition offerings. Some are just okay, plenty are solid, and a rare few are worth getting truly hyped about. Knowing which is which — that’s the art.

To help you out, we’re naming eight of our favorite recently released whiskeys across all styles. These memorable bottles might not be around for long (certainly not at these prices), so get them while you can.

Last Drop 1980 Buffalo Trace Bourbon Whiskey

Released: January 2021

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $4,600

The Story:

This 1980 Buffalo Trace Bourbon Whiskey was, you guessed it, distilled in 1980 at what was then referred to as the George T. Stagg Distillery. Jimmy Carter was still the president and Empire Strikes Back was the number 1 movie in America.

The Sazerac Company (which owns The Last Drop) purchased the distillery back in 1992. It wasn’t until 1998 that a full inventory was taken, and the 1980 barrels were discovered. Already having aged for 18 years, it was decided that they’d be left where they were. That is, until 2000 when they reached the ripe old age of 20 and were removed from their barrels and vatted into stainless steel to halt the aging process.

This is where they’ve remained for the last 20 years, before finally being bottled by The Last Drop Distillers — which specializes in these sorts of releases.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of the musty, ancient barrelhouse, rich almonds, dried cherries, and charred oak. (That oakiness is expected for how long this one is aged.) The sip is full of notes of leather, sticky toffee, raisins, almonds, creamy vanilla, and treacle. The finish is mellowwwwwww, long, and ends with a final dose of sweet, buttery caramel.

Blissful and all too easy to sip.

Bottom Line:

This rare, limited-edition whiskey is truly special. But obviously… the price.

If you can swing it, it’s worth knowing that you’re drinking an exclusive dram of history — the brand only released 240 bottles of this 40-year-old expression — so for god’s sake don’t muck it up by adding anything more than a single drop of water.

Angel’s Envy Cask Strength

Released: Nationwide November 2020

ABV: 60.2%

Price: $248

The Story:

The genesis of the Angel’s Envy Cask Strength program hails back to 2012. This is when late master distiller Lincoln Henderson, his son Wes, and grandson Kyle walked around the rickhouse and picked out a few barrels of bourbon to finish in Port wine casks. Even though Lincoln passed away in 2013, the Henderson family has continued his tradition every year since.

2020-21 is a special year for the brand — this expression is finally available for the whole country to enjoy. Prior to last year, Angel’s Envy Cask Strength Kentucky Straight Bourbon was only available in eight states, including Kentucky, New York, and California. Named as the “Best Spirit in the World” back in 2013 by Paul Pacult’s Spirit Journal, you can currently find this beloved bottle in all 50 states (and at the distillery in Louisville).

While regular Angel’s Envy bourbon clocks in at a potent 86.6 proof, its Cask Strength bourbon comes in at a robust 120.4 proof. Just like the brand’s original bourbon, this one is finished in Port wine casks.

Tasting Notes:

Before tasting this expression, it pays to give it a proper nosing. You’d expect such a high proof bourbon to have at least a few harsh alcohol aromas. This one doesn’t. All you smell is sweet cherries, rich vanilla, and brown sugar. The palate delivers subtle Christmas spices, candied orange peel, caramel sweetness, and charred oak. The finish is medium in length, warming, and signs off with even more toasted vanilla and just a subtle kick of peppery spice at the very end.

Bottom Line:

This bourbon is exceptionally mellow for its high proof. It’s complex and full of so many flavors it’ll take you a few glasses before you uncover them all. That’s the fun of it and makes it worth the high sticker price.

WhistlePig Boss Hog VII

Released: November 2020

ABV: 52.6%

Price: $500

The Story:

Back in 2013, Vermont’s WhistlePig launched the first edition of its now iconic Boss Hog expression. It was made using only 24 barrels. These two-dozen barrels were (at the time) WhistlePig’s oldest and highest quality casks. Aged for over 12 years, this single grain 134 proof rye whiskey was filled with memorable flavors like spicy cinnamon, subtle pepper, and mellow, sweet vanilla.

This whiskey was so well received that the folks at WhistlePig have released a new, unique expression every year. Iconic offerings like Boss Hog: The Spirit of Mortimer, The Black Prince, and The Samurai Scientist. Along the way, Boss Hog bottlings have become some of the most sought-after rye whiskeys in the world. Many sell for hundreds of dollars more than the original price.

This year’s offering is WhistlePig Boss Hog VII: Magellan’s Atlantic. Made to pay homage to Magellan’s circumnavigation of the earth in 1519, it’s by far the series’ oldest offering to date. Sourced from Canada and aged for 17 years in American oak, this rye whiskey gets its unique flavor from being finished in Spanish oak barrels as well as South American teakwood.

Tasting Notes:

If you’re spending this amount of cash on a bottle of whiskey, you better get the most out of it. This includes a nice, slow, patient nosing. While you might expect spicy pepper to be prevalent in such a high-proof rye whiskey, the first aroma that fills your nostrils is that of sweet, creamy butterscotch. This is followed by warming cinnamon, maple syrup, and toasted caramel. The first sip delivers on the sniff — adding layers of candied orange peel, charred oak, and baking spices, all underpinned by that pleasing pepper. This finish is long, warming, and ends with a beautiful balance of cracked black pepper and rich toffee.

Bottom Line:

This is a bottle for a special occasion. Save this one (if you can) for a cold-weather special occasion and enjoy it neat while you sit under a blanket in front of a fireplace.

Glenmorangie A Tale of Cake

Released: October 2020

ABV: 46%

Price: $109.99

The Story:

Called Glenmorangie: A Tale of Cake, this limited-edition whisky is a celebration of sweet frosting and rich, sugary cake in alcohol form. While this sounds like the perfect luxurious expression to sip during these mid-winter nights, you might be wondering how exactly a renowned Scotch brand known for its high-quality, nuanced whiskies decides to make a cake-based expression.

It all started with a sweet childhood memory.

Dr. Bill Lumsden, Glenmorangie’s Director of Whisky Creation, found himself reminiscing about the various memories he had baking with his grandma. It made him wonder if there was any way to take that nostalgia and make it into a whisky. He finally settled on finishing Glenmorangie’s single malt whisky in Tokaji dessert wine casks. The result is a mellow, sweet, vibrant, fruit-filled expression that pairs just as well with a piece of cake as it does with a chilly evening on the back porch.

Tasting Notes:

Like all the drams on this list, this dark copper-colored whisky deserves a thorough nosing before taking your first sip. Right away, there’s a quick hit of ripe fruits and sweet sherry scents. This is followed by dried cherries, rich milk chocolate, and creamy vanilla. The sip transports you to grandma’s kitchen as you watch her bake sweet cakes. It’s syrupy, sweet, velvety, and filled with almond, toasted vanilla, candied orange peel, and subtle herbs.

The finish is long, very warm, and ends with a dollop of honey and just that perfect gingerbready hint of cinnamon.

Bottom Line:

With winter on full blast, the time is right to stock up on a bottle (or two) of this limited-edition offering. It’s the perfect end to a hearty meal or as the accompaniment to rich, sweet seasonal desserts.

Orphan Barrel Muckety-Muck

Released: September 2020

ABV: 45%

Price: $251

The Story:

Orphan Barrel’s newest offering is a complex whisky in pretty much every aspect (even its name: Muckety-Muck). It’s a 24-year-old single grain Scotch whisky from the now-defunct Port Dundas distillery. Located in Glasgow along the Forth and Clyde Canal, this renowned distillery shuttered its doors back in 2010. The whisky exists because Diageo found the very few remaining casks of Port Dundas 24-year-old single grain and determined that it was the perfect addition to the Orphan Barrel family.

While the price tag seems a bit high for the average drinker, you’d be hard-pressed to find a bottle of Scotch from a renowned distillery aged for this long for even as low as $300. Added exclusivity bonus: the distillery literally doesn’t exist anymore.

Tasting Notes:

If you find yourself with a glass of whisky aged for this long, please please please take your time with it. The first scent that fills your nostrils is that of sweet cream. This is followed by dried cherries, rich vanilla, and sticky toffee pudding. The first sip is sublimely smooth with hints of charred oak, brown sugar, butterscotch, and a subtle kick of cinnamon spice. The finish is medium in length, effortlessly warming, and ends with hints of leather, toasted caramel, and sweet honey.

Bottom Line:

Orphan Barrel’s bottlings are extremely limited-edition. If you can get your hands on a bottle of Muckety-Muck, save it for a special occasion. Sip on it slowly this winter and savor every moment and nuanced flavor therein.

Blackened Whiskey Batch 106

Released: October 2020

ABV: 45%

Price: $59.99

The Story:

Back in 2018, the famed rock band Metallica collaborated with the late Master Distiller Dave Pickerell to release an extremely unique whiskey. It’s called BLACKENED and to some, the process used to create it might seem like a gimmick, while others couldn’t imagine a more rock and roll way to produce whiskey. The juice is a blend of bourbon and rye with an average age of 8 years. It’s finished in black brandy casks. While this alone sounds great, this is where things get crazy.

Using a process called “BLACK NOISE”, the whiskey is bombarded with low hertz music frequencies throughout the finishing process. While this isn’t the first time a spirits brand has used music to age its product (Louisville’s Copper & Kings has used sonic aging to mature its brandies and absinthe), it’s the first time on record a band used its own music to do so. Did you think they’d use music from someone else?

While the world was just getting used to the idea of one Metallica whiskey, the band and Sweet Amber Distilling Co. dropped a second version in October. It’s called Batch 106 X S&M2 and while it sounds like the name of the child of Elon Musk and Grimes, the title has an important meaning. While the first expression was made using a playlist selected by the band members, this second offering was finished using the S&M2 live album, a concert that featured Metallica and the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of caramelized sugar, rich, charred oak, toasted vanilla beans, and spicy cinnamon. The first sip is filled with hints of clover honey, dried fruits, sweet chocolate, and brown sugar. The finish is long, mellow, warming, and ends with a nice kick of maple candy.

Bottom Line:

Pour yourself a glass, crank up your favorite Metallica song and sip on this whiskey the same way it was created. What could be better than “Master of Puppets” while you enjoy a glass of whiskey?

O.H. Ingram River Aged Whiskey

Released: November 2020

ABV: 48%

Price: $79.99

The Story:

Historically, whiskey maturation occurs in a massive, dusty barrelhouse in a long line of barrelhouses that’s reminiscent of the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Casks or barrels sit stacked on top of each other for years, slowly aging until they hit a certain milestone, or the distiller deems them ready. This is pretty much the industry standard for whiskey from Tullahoma to Taipei.

In November, the aptly named Brown Water Spirits introduced its first whiskey, called O.H. Ingram River Aged Straight Whiskey. This is the first-ever whiskey to be aged in a floating rickhouse (another name for barrelhouse) moored on the shore of the Mississippi River.

While aging whiskey in a foating barrelhouse sounds like a gimmick, the brand swears there’s more to it. Moored in Ballard County, Kentucky, the whiskey is exposed to the varying climate conditions of the river as well as the constant rise and fall of the water level. The distillers believe this creates unique flavors and barrel exposure for the juice inside.

Tasting Notes:

You’ll be greeted with notes of caramel corn, baking spices, charred oak, and sweet vanilla on the nose. The first sip yields buttery treacle, dried cherries, allspice, and buttercream. The finish is long, warming, and ends with a nice mix of spicy and sweet.

Bottom Line:

A fun conversation bottle and more affordable than most everything on this list. Having tried it, it’s hard to be sure if river aging really is an exceptional technique — but we are willing to state that the bottle quality is worth tracking down and trying.

Westland Garryana 2020 Edition 5

Release Date: November 2020

ABV: 50%

Price: $183.58

The Story:

This fall, the Seattle-based distillery Westland dropped the fifth edition of its sought-after Garryana. This annual release is the first expression from the brand’s new “Outpost Range.” This and the other whiskeys that will be released are made to pay tribute to a single, specific malt with heightened regard for terroir.

Specifically, Garryana is a reference to the wood used to mature the whiskey. It’s a type of oak (scientific name Quercus garryana) that is found throughout the Pacific Northwest. The 2020 version changes things up by aging peated whiskey in garryana oak and new, charred American oak barrels. The goal is to show that the wood used to age the whiskey is just as important as the juice itself.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’re sure to get notes of charred oak, sweet vanilla, dried fruits, and subtle spice. That’s followed by caramel apples, licorice, buttery caramel, and subtle cracked black pepper on the sip. The finish is long and filled with pleasing heat.

It should come as no surprise that a final flourish of rich oak shows up at the very end.

Bottom Line:

Since this is a different type of whiskey, it should be treated as such. Sip it slowly to let all of the nuanced, barrel-aged flavors emerge. If you can, stare at a pine tree while you drink it and let it transport you to the Pacific Northwest.

While the women of the Kardashian household have held reputations for dating musicians, the latest love connection from the dynasty may come as a surprise to those who mainly know them to woo rappers. Eldest sister Kourtney has reportedly broken type, according to Consequence of Sound via People and Us Weekly, entering a relationship with Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker. However, Barker is hip-hop adjacent thanks to his production work with Run The Jewels, Post Malone, Lil Wayne, 03 Greedo, and more, so maybe it shouldn’t be all that surprising, after all.

Barker and Kardashian are also neighbors, living in the same gated Calabasas community and moving in the same circles for years per COS. Observers online noticed that the two both uploaded photos from Kris Jenner’s Palm Springs vacation home to Instagram over the weekend, with People’s source observing, “They’ve been dating for about a month or two. They’ve been friends for a long time but it’s turned romantic.”

If Travis does start hanging around the Kardashians more often, he may need a nickname to differentiate himself from Travis Scott, with whom Kylie Jenner shares a two-year-old daughter (maybe they’ll just call Travis Scott by his real name, “Jacques”?). Neither star has officially confirmed their relationship as yet, but the development could take some heat off one of the Kardashians’ other high-profile paramours; rumors have circulated recently that Kim is divorcing husband Kanye West after his social media outbursts cast his relationships with the family in a negative light.

At 7-9, the Charlotte Hornets are off to a much better start than most prognosticators predicted, thanks in large part to a resurgent Gordon Hayward, who they famously inked to a 4-year, $120 million deal this offseason. When Hayward signed that contract, the general consensus was that Charlotte had overpaid. Here was a player who was entering his 30s and, while he enjoyed a bounceback season in 2019-20, hadn’t been asked to be the focal point of a team since before his gruesome 2017 ankle injury that cost him a full season of basketball.

If the Hornets were paying $30 million a year to get a secondary playmaker and scorer, that felt like a steep price to pay, even when factoring in the small-market tax required of a team like Charlotte. However, through 16 games of his Hornets tenure, Hayward has been nothing short of sensational, averaging a career high 24.1 points per game on a career best 62.5 true shooting percentage, leading Charlotte’s young squad to a surprising start.

He has continued to be a terrific marksman from deep, shooting 42.5 percent from three-point range as he builds upon his resurgence in that area a year ago in Boston, where he shot just north of 38 percent, but it’s what he’s doing off the bounce and inside the arc that has been the most impressive. Hayward is getting to the rim at a higher rate (23.4 percent of his shot attempts) than at any point since he became a primary weapon in Utah, which some wondered if that would be possible after his injury. His game-winner against Orlando on Sunday night, capping off a 39-point, 9-rebound performance, showed how, while not the most explosive player on the floor, he is still terrific at setting up an opponent with his handle to get by them and get to the rim.

The tight crossover going left has been a favorite of Hayward’s all season, freezing defenders and allowing him to get a step on them into the paint to get to the basket or force a rotation to create a drop-off pass to a wide-open big man.

Part of why he’s able to get to the rim like this is that he’s also having his best midrange shooting season of his career, which means defenders can’t sag off of him, especially in a late-game situation as he’s been lethal on the pull-up. Hayward is shooting a rather ridiculous 55.3 percent from 10-16 feet and 46.2 percent from 16 feet to the three-point line, both career-best figures (via Basketball-Reference), and as evidenced by Evan Fournier’s defense on Sunday, opponents are taking note and adjusting to try and eat into his airspace in those areas of the floor.

There’s a decisiveness and confidence to Hayward’s game this season that hasn’t necessarily been there in recent years, as he knows he has the green light and is more than willing to use that when he gets the ball in a spot he likes. Playing with other creators like LaMelo Ball, Devonte’ Graham, and Terry Rozier allows him to work off the ball as he grew accustomed to in Boston, but when he gets the ball from them he appears to be more confident in going straight up for a shot rather than considering if there’s a better shot to be had.

Take these two plays from earlier in the season against the Knicks, where he catches the ball and immediately rises and fires from the short midrange.

They aren’t anything jaw-dropping, but they’re the type of play that show the confidence Hayward is playing with and the comfort he has already with this new team in being their offensive leader. He’s embraced the pace of Charlotte’s young team, happy to run the floor in transition, but provides them with a much needed steady hand in the halfcourt when the opposing defense does get set. With four 30-point games already this season, he’s just one behind the number of 30-point games he had in his entire tenure with the Celtics, and he’s doing so efficiently and in a way that’s impacting winning.

The Hornets currently sit in a tie for ninth in the East, just percentage points behind the Knicks for eighth, and expectations in Charlotte have to have shifted a bit to real belief that they could make the play-in tournament at the end of the season. It will take the continued growth of their young talent, but the play of Hayward (and fellow former Celtic Terry Rozier) provides them with a baseline of competence and competitiveness that is higher than most anticipated.

Big news on the World of Wizarding front. Sources for both The Hollywood Reporter and Variety say that a live action Harry Potter series is headed for HBO Max. While the streaming service and Warner Bros. denied to Variety that a series is in development, and no writers or actors are currently attached, the two publications report that sources have confirmed that the series is in the “very early stages.” Obviously, a live-action series based on Harry Potter would be a huge win for HBO Max as it looks to gain ground after a competitive first year. Considering the wizard world is one of Warner Bros.’ most lucrative franchises, the show could be HBO’s next Game of Thrones but with the added benefit of reaching a much younger audience.

However, this latest news isn’t without controversy. Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling has been facing intense backlash for her anti-trans views, and the Fantastic Beast series recently had a problem of its own. As Variety explains:

Franchise creator J.K. Rowling received tremendous backlash due to a series of anti-trans tweets and a lengthy essay on the subject in June 2020. Then Johnny Depp, who played the dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald in the “Fantastic Beasts” films, exited the franchise after he lost a libel case against the British tabloid The Sun, which published an article in 2018 alleging he was a “wife beater” due to allegations of domestic violence made by his now ex-wife, Amber Heard.

Considering Warner Bros. and HBO Max are denying that the Potter series is in development, there’s no word on Rowling’s involvement with the project. But as THR notes, it’s pretty much a given that she will be given the “complicated rights issue” surrounding the IP. “Rowling controls the franchise and has a say in everything involving the property.”

(Via The Hollywood Reporter & Variety)

Keeping up with new music can be exhausting, even impossible. From the weekly album releases to standalone singles dropping on a daily basis, the amount of music is so vast it’s easy for something to slip through the cracks. Even following along with the Uproxx recommendations on a daily basis can be a lot to ask, so every Monday we’re offering up this rundown of the best new music this week.

This week saw a fresh Billie Eilish collab and another posthumous appearance from Juice WRLD. Yeah, it was a great week for new music. Check out the highlights below.

Billie Eilish and Rosalía — “Los Vas A Olvidar”

Billie Eilish’s most successful singles have been solo efforts, but she has a handful of collaborations in her discography as well. The latest is her Rosalía meet-up, “Los Vas A Olvidar,” which Eilish wrote not just with her brother, but her entire family.

Rhye — Home

Rhye has been a unique voice in music over the past few years, and his airy, dreamy vocals make a return on Home. Throughout the course of the soothing album, Michael Milosh shares more subtly funky R&B that’s as good for relaxing as it is for moving your body to.

DJ Scheme and Juice WRLD — “Buck 50”

It’s been just over a year since the tragically premature passing of Juice WRLD, and since then, there’s been a steady stream of posthumous content from the late rapper. Another one popped up last week with his and DJ Scheme’s “Buck 50,” a mellow effort that sees Juice letting detractors know not to mess with him.

Smino — “MLK Dr”

MLK Day was especially poignant this year in light of recent racial tensions in the US, and Smino marked the occasion with “MLK Dr” (short for “Martin Luther King Drive”). The track only runs for about 90 seconds, but it’s a worthwhile slice of psychedelic hip-hop with an equally trippy video.

Wale — “Good Vibes (Za)”

Wale, a native of Washington DC, is perfectly qualified to address the Capitol Building riots through song, and that’s just what he does on his latest single, “Good Vibes (Za).” On the track, on which he seeks the title, he also pays tribute to a couple of his recently deceased hip-hop peers, Nipsey Hussle and Pop Smoke.

Hand Habits — “4th Of July”

Hand Habits is in the lead for the year’s best video about digging a hole thanks to “4th Of July.” Naturally, the concept is deeper (hehe) than it might sound and it scores another anthemic folk-rock gem from Meg Duffy.

Rich The Kid — “Nasty” Feat. Flo Milli, Mulatto, and Rubi Rose

A number of women have been dominant hip-hop forces in recent years, a fact that Rich The Kid acknowledges through his featured guests on “Nasty.” Joined by Flo Milli, Mulatto, and Rubi Rose, the foursome follow the title’s lead and get rauchy, rapping about the bedroom, the ways they excel within that domain, and so on.

Kota The Friend — Lyrics To GO, Vol. 2

Ten tracks usually amounts to a full-length album, but since there’s not a track on Lyrics To Go, Vol. 2 that runs for over 2 minutes, Kota The Friend’s latest ends up being a brief 15-minute project. While it may seem like the songs don’t have enough time to lift off, Kota still manages to pack a punch throughout the release.

BRS Kash — Kash Only

UPROXX Sessions alum BRS Kash only just released his debut mixtape a few days ago, but he was becoming a star even ahead of that. One of the project’s highlights is a remix of “Throat Baby (Go Baby),” he got DaBaby and City Girls to join him, and DaBaby’s new contributions include lyrics about some action down low at a Lowe’s.

Joey Badass — “Let It Breathe”

Joey Badass had more to celebrate than just the start of Joe Biden’s presidency on January 20, as the date also marks his birthday. To mark the occasion, he dropped a video for “Let It Breathe,” in which he treats himself to a birthday Porsche.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The problem with movies these days is that not enough of them feature King King punching Godzilla straight in the mouth. Some of them get close, like Pacific Rim, which featured a giant robot walloping a Godzilla-like beast in the face with an ocean liner. I appreciate that if only for the effort. It’s not the same, though. We do not need to bring robots and sea vessels into this. Let’s keep in simple: just one huge monkey punching one huge lizard right in the kisser. That’s why I was — still am, if we’re being honest — so excited about the trailer for Godzilla vs. Kong, the sequel to the 2017 film Kong: Skull Island, set to drop straight to HBO Max this March. It features King Kong punching Godzilla in the face. Hard, too. A real haymaker. Cinema has returned.

The trailer features a ton of other dope stuff, too. We are going to get way into it in a second, I promise. You won’t even believe how many people from your favorite television shows are in this thing. But first, if you haven’t seen it, or even if you’ve seen it 25 times, please take three minutes and enjoy the trailer right now. A decent argument can be made that this — just the trailer, not even the full film — will be the best movie of 2021.

God, what a perfect piece of art. How lucky all of us are to be alive to witness this. The sucker straight-up opens with a city in shambles and King Kong tranquilized and groaning on a boat. This is a good start, and it gets better immediately because danger is looming and Alexander Skarsgard and his Aviators are about to set this plot in motion with three simple words.

Agreed.

It’s fun to pretend this is his character’s solution to everything and this is the first time he was right. Like, the government is holding a meeting about water quality and he raises his hand and the mayor is all “Look, I’ll call on you but this better not be another suggestion about King Kong” and then Alexander Skarsgard gets all fidgety and mumbles “It couldn’t hurt” and the mayor just sighs deeply and moves on and Skarsgard slinks back into his seat mumbling about how maybe King Kong should be mayor.

Oh, hell yes. Not only do we have a cool vest scientist, we also have a little girl who is the only one Kong communicates with, and who Kong is sworn to protect. While this is troublesome because it means this little girl is 100 percent going to be in Godzilla-based danger by the end of the movie, it also rules so hard. I hope she’s sitting on Kong’s head in the final battle and controlling him from up there by yoinking on his fur like she’s Remy the Rat from Ratatouille.

Freakin’ blammo. After a bunch of shots of an ocean beast terrorizing the open seas with what appears to be an indestructible tail that missiles bonk off of like Q-Tips, the scaly demon launches itself out of the water and into the curious Kong’s jaw. But… what it is? Who is it? How could anyone possibly know besides reading the title of the movie or consuming any small cross-section about 100 years of pop culture?

It’s a mystery. We may never fig-….

YES.

Imagine how powerful it must feel to deliver the “It’s Godzilla” line in a movie about King Kong and Godzilla engaging in hand-to-hand combat. God, it must be so thrilling. I bet Rebecca Hall leaped out of bed the day this scene was being filmed. I hope she got to do 50 takes of it with a slightly different reading on each one. I need to stress here that I am not being sarcastic at all. A movie like this always has a line like this and getting to deliver it is like earning a new badge in the Boy Scouts for an actor. I am legitimately happy for her.

“It’s Godzilla.” Just beautiful. I don’t see how this can get any b-…

I just shouted. I probably shouldn’t have shouted because I knew this was coming and wrote the whole intro about it, but I did and I do not regret it. Look at it. Look at how far Kong reared back for that punch. He telegraphed it from a mile away and stupid Godzilla still didn’t even get his stupid head out of the way. It’s so beautiful I could cry.

I don’t know why I love it so much. Maybe it’s the simplicity of it. Here we have a movie that cost nine figures to make and features more CGI than Star Wars and has the resources to do anything it wants, and what it wants to do is have King Kong coldcock Godzilla like they’re in the later rounds of a title fight in a Rocky movie. I don’t see how I can be expected to focus hard enough to finish writing this with that GIF just sitting right up there. I might have to cover my screen with a sticky note.

Oh really? These are dangerous times? How could you tell? Was it the massive hell-lizard bursting out of the deep to destroy half of a navy? Maybe the thing where our only hope at stopping it is releasing a different massive beast that only takes orders from one small child? I don’t know. Seems pretty under control to me.

Maybe if the lizard also shot lasers out of its mouth. Then I could see it.

Ahhhhh, okay. Fair enough.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Chandler is in this movie. Coach Taylor himself. And, as I mentioned way back in the first couple paragraphs, he is one of many people from your favorite television shows in this movie. We also have Millie Bobbie Brown (Eleven from Stranger Things) and Brian Tyree Henry (Paperboy from Atlanta). It’s almost to the level of John Wick 3, which had Ian McShane (Al Swearingen from Deadwood) and Asia Kate Dillon (Taylor from Billions) and Jason Mantzoukas (from every good comedy) and Jerome Flynn (Bronn from Game of Thrones) and Lance Reddick (from The Wire and Bosch), which raises an important question: how the hell is Lance Reddick not playing an authority figure in the movie about Godzilla and King Kong whomping on each other?

Well, my friends, I have excellent news: Lance Reddick is in this movie. According to IMDb, he is playing a character named “Monarch Director,” which is almost perfect if it is the character’s title and full-on perfect if it is the character’s actual name. I’m going to pretend it’s the latter until I have real indisputable evidence to the contrary. Please do not ruin this for me.

This is very stupid but do it anyway, just for me. Next time you watch an action movie, think about two things:

• A 24-hour news network covering everything that happens live on-air
• The insurance adjuster who has to go out and investigate the damage after everything is over

The first one is fun but the second one might be even better, especially if you picture some guy trying to convince the insurance company that a bumped fender from six months earlier happened in the Godzilla fight.

ADJUSTOR: So Godzilla did this? You’re sure? He burned down 15 city blocks downtown but also made his way out to this neighborhood — 10 miles away — and did no damage to any property here or in-between other than cracking your fender on the left side?

GUY WHOSE NAME IS PROBABLY LIKE LARRY OR EARL: Uhhhh, yeah. And he stole the new 80-inch flat-screen I had in the backseat. Put that down, too.

Oh wow. Oh, my God. Not only does Rebecca Hall get to deliver the “It’s Godzilla” line, she also gets to deliver the “The myths are real” line that shoots us off into an explanation of exactly why Godzilla and King Kong hate each other so much. What a role. Again, not being sarcastic at all. This is Jeff Goldblum Territory here, people. This is a big deal. And I would take another paragraph or two to get into it all if I had time, which I do not, because it turns out their feud has been bubbling for centuries and that means I get to post a GIF of King Kong knocking a flying hellbeast out of the sky with a second flying hellbeast like he’s Jim Thome smashing a dinger or something.

I cannot possibly express to any of you in strong enough terms how badly I need this in my life. Things have been so weird for the past year or so. Everyone has been stuck inside and terrified because of a deadly global pandemic and we had a particularly ugly presidential election that featured an armed insurrection at the Capitol and, I’m sorry, but I think we deserve to see King Kong and Godzilla just wallop the hell of out each other for two hours while a crew of recognizable faces pops up every now and then to deliver the most obvious information possible.

We’ve earned this. Would it be cooler to see it on a huge IMAX screen in a theater, surrounded by a bunch of other lunatics who freed up a substantial chunk of a Saturday to see two monsters clobber each other? Yes, sure, of course. But will it also be nice to watch this on HBO Max in my living room on some boring Friday night with a pizza and a couple beers? Also yes, extremely. I want it now. I want it before now. I want to have seen it and I want to be getting ready to watch it a second time tonight. I want to have seen all or parts of it on basic cable on three dozen different rainy weekend afternoons, to the degree that when someone sees I have it on they’re like “Are you watching the Godzilla and King Kong movie again?”

Yes. Yes, I am. I mean…

Yes.

YES.

YES.

Thank you.

Donald Trump just spent his first weekend out of office, and you’ll never believe what he misses the most: His Twitter account. The twice-impeached former president is reportedly furious that he can’t publicly vent his anger after being banned from the social media platform following the attack on the U.S. Capitol building in early January. Trump is particularly incensed at Dr. Anthony Fauci, whose demeanor notably improved as soon as Joe Biden’s administration started, and Fauci hasn’t been shy about highlighting the drastic improvements right out of the gate.

Just like his time in the White House, Trump spent the weekend “hate-watching” Fauci on TV, but without the aid of his Twitter “release valve.” According to The Daily Beast:

Fauci’s re-emergence on prime-time television during the Biden era infuriated the exiled Trump, who began whining about how “incompetent” the doctor was, and how he probably should have fired Fauci when he had the chance, a source close to the former president and another individual familiar with the matter tell The Daily Beast. (Technically, Trump did not have the power to fire Fauci, a career federal employee.)

It probably doesn’t help that the visible change in Fauci’s mood immediately went viral not even a day into the Biden administration taking over. As some Twitter users pointed out, Fauci is feeling so good that he doesn’t need to wear glasses anymore.

In Fauci’s defense, working for Trump was not only frustrating from a public health standpoint, but also legitimately frightening. In a new interview with The New York Times, Fauci opened up about the death threats his family received, including the time he opened up a letter filled with white powder. Understandably, Fauci was furious that his wife and children were in danger, and that the danger was coming from Trump supporters who were angry that the doctor’s coronavirus briefings would cost Trump the election.

“There was chatter on the internet, people talking to each other, threatening, saying, ‘Hey, we got to get rid of this guy. What are we going to do about him? He’s hurting the president’s chances,’” Fauci told the Times. “You know, that kind of right-wing craziness.”

(Via The Daily Beast & New York Times)

Glenn Close has been nominated for seven Oscars, and lost every time. That’s three Best Supporting Actress nominations (for The World According to Garp, The Big Chill, and The Natural) and four Best Actress nominations (Fatal Attraction, Dangerous Liaisons, Albert Nobbs, and The Wife) but zero trophies. Close is only one nomination-but-no win away from tying the record set by Peter O’Toole (Amy Adams is right behind her), but Pete Davidson, of all people, is hoping the actress doesn’t make history.

Variety had Close and Davidson chat for a virtual interview (he was in a basement in Long Island, she was in Montana, could I make it any more obvious?) during which her close calls at the Academy Awards were brought up. “What can we do to get you an Oscar?” the SNL star asked. “We have to get the internet to help, because you deserve seven!” Clearly someone hasn’t seen Albert Nobbs… But Close isn’t sweating her losses.

“Is it better to be wheeled out in a wheelchair and get the lifetime achievement award?” she said to Davidson. “You don’t have to make a speech. It’s beyond me. I don’t know what to say about that. I just have to keep doing what’s good. You’re fulfilled by your work, and that’s the process to me. It’s what feeds my soul, but it really is nice when other people like it. It might be cool to never get one. I wouldn’t mind being wheeled out when I’m old and drooling, and I have a gray wig to cover my bald head.”

You hear that, Pete Davidson? Close thinks it would be “cool” to not win an Academy Award for Hillbilly Elegy, one of the most bad terminator (worst) movies of 2020. Respect her wishes. Save the passion for the Sunset Boulevard remake.

Late last year, as Donald Trump agitated to overturn the results of the recent election, Kodak Black made it a point to trouble the outgoing administration for an early release from prison. He tweeted support for the so-called “Platinum Plan” and even offered to donate $1 million to charity within the first year after his release if he was pardoned.

However, now that his wish has been granted, with Trump commuting Kodak’s sentence on his last day in office, sharp-eyed fans noticed that Kodak’s donation promise may have been rescinded. Several noticed that the tweet had been deleted (although screenshots last forever, as you can see above), although Kodak profusely thanked Trump and even shouted-out the former game show host in his new song, “Last Day In.”

After the tweet’s absence was noted, Kodak Black’s lawyer, Bradford Cohen, reached out to TMZ to offer a statement.

“A statement promising something for something in exchange is not appropriate and although Kodak has always given to charity his whole career and will continue to do charity, not in exchange for anything. Some think this is a story. It isn’t. Instead of harping on a young Black man and how much charity he does, why don’t we take a look at the amount of charity the writers of these articles do? Last week, Kodak pledged $100k to setting up a scholarship fund in the name of Meadow Pollack. The week before he donated $50k to barstool fund to help small businesses. That’s $150k and he’s been out 5 days.”

That may be the case, but this may be a case of Kodak’s words speaking louder than his actions — especially since he still faces prosecution in his 2016 sexual assault case in which he was accused of raping a 17-year-old girl at a hotel after one of his concerts.

I told a friend last week, “there’s a new Taken movie out with Liam Neeson.”

“They made another Taken movie?” he asked, incredulous.

Well, not exactly, but yes. It was called The Marksman, and like most Liam Neeson action movies since 2008, it was essentially a Taken movie in everything but name. I think we all know what a “Taken movie” is by now. Key and Peele perfectly distilled the phenomenon for posterity in their recurring valet sketches, which eventually grew beyond “Liam Neesons” to encompass everyone from Bruce Willy to Anne Hathaway.

One man (or, sure, woman), at least 40 to 45 years of age but preferably older, has something important taken from him — his wife, his daughter, his dog, his car, or maybe just a rug that really tied the room together (no, The Big Lebowski doesn’t count, but that’d be a fun parody). That now-pissed-off person must then have “a particular set of skills” that make him a nightmare for all the kidnappers and rug thieves out there. Thus begins his (or her!) one-person revenge rampage (no buddy revenge movies, no “one last score movies,” those are different).

All of which got us to thinking: what are the best non-Taken Taken Movies? I tried to outline the best of the genre below, as well as create a brief taxonomy of why they qualify as “Taken movies.” Such as: the reason for their revenge rampage (“this time, it’s personal”), and the personal qualities they bring to it (“a particular set of skills.”).

Movie: Rambo Last Blood

Liam Neesons?

73-year-old Sylvester Stallone

This Time… It’s Personal

Rambo’s adopted granddaughter goes to Mexico to try to find her father, who tells her that he never cared about her, and when she goes to drink away her troubles she gets drugged and kidnapped by a drug cartel who want to sell her into sex slavery.

A Particular Set Of Skills

In short… he’s Rambo.

Or as he puts it in Rambo (aka Rambo IV, aka John Rambo, aka the Rambo movie before this one) “You know what you are. What you’re made of. War is in your blood. Don’t fight it. You didn’t kill for your country. You killed for yourself. The gods are never gonna make that go away. When you’re pushed, killing’s as easy as breathing.”

General Thoughts

Rambo: Last Blood is one of the all-time masterpieces in accidentally (?) saying the quiet part out loud. It’s one of the goriest, most xenophobic movies ever made, in which a now actually-ghoulish looking Sylvester Stallone is a Frankenstein’s monster of grievance politics. Stallone has always been legitimately brilliant when it comes to having his finger on the pulse of Americans’ worst impulses at any given time, whether it be furthering the POW/MIA canard in Rambo II or dedicating Rambo III to the mujahideen, and Last Blood is his BUILD THE WALL! The man also can’t not make an entertaining movie. Last Blood is like Taken, only 10 times more violent and xenophobic.

Movie: The Outlaw Josie Wales

Liam Neesons?

46-year-old Clint Eastwood.

This Time… It’s Personal

Josey Wales is a simple Missouri farmer, until one day, a gang of pro-Union Jayhawks murders his wife and son.

A Particular Set Of Skills

Wales joins a Confederate militia and survives a massacre. If Wales learning to fight from the Confederacy seems somewhat… ah… problematic… we’ll get to that.

General Thoughts

Folks… I fell down the rabbit hole with this one. I always thought of Josey Wales as a sort of proto-Taken, with pissed-off old Clint Eastwood spitting tobacco juice on everyone, and it is, but I didn’t entirely remember the plot. Nor did I realize that it was based on a novel by “Forrest Carter,” which was actually the pen name of Asa Earl Carter, a former KKK leader and speechwriter for George Wallace. Carter even wrote the “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever” speech. He later fell out with Wallace on account of Wallace not being racist enough, and ran against him in the 1970 primary. If you’re wondering why a story that seems so pro-Confederate is also so pro-Native American, well, Carter’s fake writer persona, “Forrest Carter” was Cherokee (Asa also claimed Cherokee ancestry). Though one might also note that he named his persona “Forrest” …after Nathan Bedford Forrest, the founder of the Klan.

Carter even wrote a fake Native American memoir that Oprah put on her recommended reading list (side note: how many times has Oprah been duped by a fake memoir??). The Outlaw Josie Wales‘ original screenwriter Philip Kaufman, was apparently aware of this and tried to tone it down:

The film’s first director, Philip Kaufman, was not impressed by “The Rebel Outlaw Josey Wales.” “‘Fascist’ is an overworked word,” says Kaufman from his California home, “but the first time I looked at that book that’s what I thought: ‘This was written by a crude fascist.’ It was nutty. The man’s hatred of government was insane. I felt that that element in the script needed to be severely toned down. But Clint didn’t, and it was his movie.” Eastwood eventually fired Kaufman and went on to direct himself.

For movies in the Taken genre, I would argue that having terrible politics is canon.

Movie: Destroyer

Liam Neesons?

51-year-old Nicole Kidman

This Time… It’s Personal

A gang of bank robbers killed her boyfriend!

A Particular Set Of Skills

Kidman’s character, Erin Bell, is an LAPD detective, basically the lady version of every self-destructive alcoholic detective character who’s smart and cynical and doesn’t give a shit anymore. At one point, she gives a gang member in a hospice a handjob in exchange for information. It’s basically Destroyer‘s twist on Liam Neeson stabbing the old lady in the arm. Brilliant.

General Thoughts

It’s about time someone made a lady Taken! Destroyer is actually smarter, more artsy, and less pulpy than most of the movies on this list, and for the most part my only criticism is Kidman’s over-the-top alcoholic make-up the entire movie. Like, really? We couldn’t have a female version of the drinking-himself-to-death detective without giving her black eyes, sallow skin, and fake liver spots? Talk about hamming it up. She was like the live-action embodiment of the kid’s mean cartoon of Moe on The Simpsons.

Aw, jeez, you got the stink lines and everything?

Movie: True Lies

Liam Neesons?

47-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This Time… It’s Personal

The terrorist group “Crimson Jihad” kidnaps Harry Tasker’s wife and then his daughter.

A Particular Set Of Skills

Schwarzenegger’s character, Harry Tasker, poses as a computer salesman but is actually an intelligence agent with “Omega Sector.” He excels at weapons, hand-to-hand combat, subterfuge, and can even fly a Harrier jet. The man has range.

General Thoughts

You could make the case that while Harry Tasker’s wife and daughter do get kidnapped, it wasn’t exactly the “inciting event” for the whole movie like in a pure Taken movie. It was more just a consequence of his life as a spy, from which he hasn’t yet retired. True Lies is probably more of a straightforward, eighties-style action movie, and also a brilliant parody of eighties-style action movies. What makes it so rare and wonderful is that it works perfectly as both. It may not fit the genre perfectly but I’d be damned if I left it off.

Movie: John Wick

Liam Neesons?

50-year-old Keanu Reeves.

This Time… It’s Personal

They stole his car and killed his dog, who was a gift from his dead wife. The full tooken trifecta!

A Particular Set Of Skills

He’s an orphan who raised by Belorussian assassins to become an assassin.

General Thoughts

It feels like John Wick was born when someone thought “what if Taken, but more?” (Shoulda called it “Taken It To The Limit”) It works, probably because Taken was built on excess to begin with. Keanu Reeves was also inspired casting — who knew then that the good-natured dopey surfer guy had it in him to play a crotchedy bruised up badass? No one transitioned from young and cute to scarred and rugged as seamlessly as Keanu Reeves.

Movie: Blood Father

Liam Neesons Played By:

60-year-old Mel Gibson.

This Time… It’s Personal

Mel’s character, John Link, has a drug addict daughter who was dating a drug lord, but she shoots him in the neck during a botched robbery and has to flee. On the run, she reconnects with her estranged father and John Link subsequently has to protect her from a drug cartel.

A Particular Set Of Skills

John Link is an ex-con and recovering alcoholic, but mostly he’s just grizzled as hell.

General Thoughts

Separating the art from the artist and all that, Mel Gibson might be the ideal, if not original, Liam Neesons. He arguably helped invent the Taken genre in Ransom. I will never escape the image of an unhinged Gibson barking “GIMME BACK MY SON!” into the phone. He perfects it in Blood Father. A lot of actors who were sex symbols in their younger days have an awkward phase in middle life where they’ve clearly aged out of “young heartthrob” but haven’t quite owned “badass grandpa” yet. For Mel that period lasted probably a decade. Blood Father was the film where he finally fully accepted his leatheriness and it worked (again, assuming you can watch his movies without hearing him scream racial slurs). Being that it also stars William H. Macy and Dale Dickey, it probably has the best cast of any movie on this list.

Movie: Gran Torino

Liam Neesons Played By:

78-year-old Clint Eastwood.

This Time… It’s Personal

(*long string of racial slurs*)

Mostly, there’s a Hmong gang that tries to coerce Clint’s neighbor, Thao, into joining their gang, and his initiation is trying to steal Clint’s prized Gran Torino. His vengeance is part retribution for Thao, part retribution for his Gran Torino.

A Particular Set Of Skills

Clint’s character is a Korean War vet and winner of a Silver Star who still keeps his M1 in pristine condition. Also, he’s really old.

General Thoughts

It’s hard to separate movies in which the “retired badass” learns to kill again and ones in which he finds a reason to live. Lots of them, like The Marksman, which inspired this list (which was directed by a long-time Eastwood collaborator), are both. Gran Torino is like that. By now Eastwood has made a string of “problematic old man” movies, and Gran Torino is still by far the best of them.

Movie: Falling Down

Liam Neesons?

49-year-old Michael Douglas.

This Time… It’s Personal

First William Foster gets laid off from his job, then he gets stuck in traffic and his A/C breaks down, then a shop owner won’t give him change for a phone call, some gang members try to mug him, the fast food place has just switched to the lunch menu even though he wants breakfast and have you ever noticed they sell hot dog buns in packs of six but hot dogs in packs of eight??? Falling Down is kind of like if Limp Bizkit’s “One Of Those Days” and a Denis Leary bit tongue kissed and then became a movie, the ultimate example of a white man slowly driven insane by petty grievances.

A Particular Set Of Skills

William Foster is a former defense engineer but mostly he’s just really pissed off. It works because no one juts his jaw and grinds his teeth like Michael Douglas.

General Thoughts

Admittedly, Falling Down is technically probably more of an “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” movie than a Taken movie, but it’s such a landmark pissed-off-old-white-guy movie that I feel like I have to include it. The beauty of Falling Down was that there was actually a scene in which Michael Douglas rebuffs a neo-Nazi fan of his work. As if to say, “Whoa whoa whoa, I may be a pissed off old white guy, but I’m not that kind of pissed off old white guy!”

Movie: Man On Fire

Liam Neesons?

50-year-old Denzel Washington.

This Time… It’s Personal

Bad guys kidnap his 9-year-old client and best friend, played by Dakota Fanning. She was the reason he decided to live! He was even acting as her swim coach.

A Particular Set Of Skills

John W. Creasy is an alcoholic former U.S. Marine Corps Force Reconnaissance Captain and CIA Special Activities Division officer.

General Thoughts

Does anyone direct a meat-and-potatoes action movie better than Tony Scott? And is there a better Liam Neesons than Denzel Washington? Man On Fire is also, to my knowledge, the only movie on this list in which the hero crams a bomb in someone’s ass. Now THAT’S how you Taken.

Movie: The Accountant

Liam Neesons?

44-year-old Ben Affleck.

This Time… It’s Personal

The CEO of the company the Accountant has been hired to audit fires him before he can finish the job, which makes him furious. He hates leaving things unfinished!

A Particular Set Of Skills

Chris is a high-functioning autistic whose father, an Army Psyops officer, put him through “an intense regiment of stoicism and martial arts training” from the time he was just a young child. Also, he’s really good at math, can instantly calculate the distance and wind resistance of long-distance sniper shooting, and eating foods in multiples of three. He also listens to heavy metal for exactly 15 minutes a day and stares at a Honus Wagner baseball card to calm himself. Basically, the greatest action hero ever created.

General Thoughts

The Accountant may not fit the genre perfectly, in the sense that Ben Affleck’s character isn’t coming out of retirement. But come on, a high-functioning autistic assassin trained in martial arts who loves baseball cards? You can’t beat that plot. If I were Joe Biden, my first executive order would be to greenlight three Accountant sequels.

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.