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Because the internet has a funny little way of processing the horrifying by isolating brief moments of humor and using them to process an event, a video of Wednesday’s legitimately scary attempt to take over the United States Capitol by a number of MAGA protestors is now the butt of jokes. Specifically, it is the butt of one joke involving legendary wrestling announcer Jim Ross.

In the video, a supporter of president Donald Trump is shown attempting to scale a wall, but it is obvious that they need some help. As someone reaches their arm down to try and get them up, the person’s grip falters and they go tumbling to the ground below. In classic internet fashion, this video got made fun of endlessly because, well, the person in it looks ridiculous.

One person decided to take it one step further and bust out a joke that has been on Twitter for years. The video had the audio stripped away and was replaced by the audio of Ross calling Mankind getting thrown off of Hell In A Cell by The Undertaker in 1998.

The primary thing here is kudos to whomever did this for getting the audio all synched up perfectly, because they nailed the moment where that person hit the ground, which looked slightly more cumbersome than when it happened to Mick Foley. There is no word on whether or not this person also got broken in half, as god as my witness.

Alex Trebek’s final episode hosting Jeopardy! aired on Friday and included a tribute to the longtime host who died in November at age 80. Though Trebek’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis had been known for more than a year, his death still came as a shock to fans and those working on the show. He died just days after filming his last episode, and the month that followed saw those episodes air while fans mourned his inevitable loss.

Friday’s episode was originally set to air on Christmas Day but was pushed back two weeks to run 10 episodes in which Trebek traveled around the world to record clues. There were several references to Christmas and that the episode would air that day, including a holiday movie category. But aside from that, it was a wonderfully ordinary episode, with no real indication that it would be the last he ever hosted.

That changed at the end of the episode, though, as the program aired a moving tribute to Trebek that included some notable moments over the decades in which he served as the iconic trivia show’s host.

It was funny, emotional, and a perfect encapsulation of who Trebek was and why he meant so much to fans of the show. There are costumes, ad-libbed jokes and a long montage of Trebek saying “so long” over the years, including his final sendoff. Trebek will be missed, but there are few better ways the show he loved so much could have paid tribute to the host it will miss very much.

The indie rock musician Ariel Pink has been under fire since photos surface of him in Washington, DC during the pro-Trump riots that stormed the Capitol building. Don’t worry, there was some good news this week too as Killer Mike points out, flipping Georgia will have a lot more long-lasting effects.

Though Pink maintains that he was in DC but not part of the violent mob writing in a Tweet: “i was in dc to peacefully show my support for the president. i attended the rally on the white house lawn and went back to hotel and took a nap. case closed,” the idea that he was supporting President Trump was too much for some people he’s affiliated with to stomach. His label, Mexican Summer, wrote on Twitter today that they have severed their working relationship with Pink. “Due to recent events, Mexican Summer and its staff have decided to end our working relationship with Ariel Rosenberg AKA Ariel Pink moving forward,” the label wrote.

Whether or not Pink was part of the mob, his stance on Trump has been clear for a while now, as he’s tweeted about it twice before the riots took place. Either way, he’s no longer affiliated with Mexican Summer.

Donald Trump was permanently banned from Twitter on Friday, and if he’s looking for a social media alternative he may be running out of luck with MAGA-friendly Parler. The social media site, deemed a safe space for violent rhetoric without fear of censorship, may be in trouble with Apple after Trump helped fan flames of a riot that was encouraged in part on social media platforms by Trump supporters.

Buzzfeed reported Friday that Apple has threatened to ban Parler from its app store unless it provides some sort of content moderation to remove hate speech and other threats of violence, some screenshots of which have been widely shared on other social media sites in the wake of Wednesday’s MAGA riot in Washington that killed five people.

“We have received numerous complaints regarding objectionable content in your Parler service, accusations that the Parler app was used to plan, coordinate, and facilitate the illegal activities in Washington D.C. on January 6, 2021 that led (among other things) to loss of life, numerous injuries, and the destruction of property,” Apple wrote to Parler. “The app also appears to continue to be used to plan and facilitate yet further illegal and dangerous activities.”

Apple said that “to ensure there is no interruption of the availability of your app on the App Store,” Parler was required to submit an update and a “requested moderation improvement plan within 24 hours of the date of the message,” which was sent on Friday morning. Apple said if it did not receive an update from the company within that time frame, the app would be removed from the App store.

On other social media accounts, Apple and Google were seeing pressure to ban Parler and essentially deplatform those who have fled Twitter and Facebook in recent weeks over cries of conservative censorship.

And is often the case when conservatives grapple with the constitutionally-protected freedom of speech, well, it doesn’t really apply here. While everyone has the ability to say things that they want, companies distributing those thoughts on platforms that are allowed by a company like Apple may be liable if violence results from it. And it’s well within their right to protect themselves by removing apps that violate their terms of service.

That doesn’t necessarily mean Parler would go away forever, just lose an extremely popular way applications are downloaded onto phones. Although Friday did bring word that Parler itself was down for a time, especially in the wake of Trump getting banned from Twitter.

It’s impossible to know whether Parler can actually institute those changes in time to avoid removal from the app store, and like that phone you still have Flappy Bird on, it may be able to survive without a presence in the largest mobile marketplace in existence. But it’s certainly bad news for those who like Parler as it is, and part of a day that’s changing the very face of social media in an enormous way.

[via Buzzfeed]

UPDATE: On Friday, Google banned Parler from the Google Play store.

As someone who’s been married to the same human for 22 years, I can say with confidence that a big key to marital bliss is to come at it with a sense of humor. Living with and loving someone for life (hopefully) is a shared journey with ups and downs and unexpected detours. The story of that journey is filled with big life events and mundane daily details, and with moments both precious and perturbing.

If you’ve been married a while, this collection of funny tweets about marriage will hit home. Shared by Joshua Johnson on Facebook, this “Marriage: A Story of Love in 28 Parts” compilation includes universal sentiments, classic spouse conundrums, and pandemic-specific realities for people in long-term love

Here they are, linked to the original tweets so you can follow the creators if you wish, and written out in text for our friends with audio aids. Grab your partner and have a good chuckle at your own expense:

“DATING: can’t wait to see you again

MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night”

–@TheCatWhisprer

(BTW, you also pulled the covers off me every time you rolled over. Thanks for that. Love you.)

“Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not.” –@maryfairybobrry

(Have done this. Can attest it’s a mistake.)

“My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” and there are no winners” –@ericspiegelman

(Pandemic togetherness is so fun, isn’t it?)

“Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.” –@LizerReal

(This is legit advice, young people.)

“There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.” –@dadmann_walking

(And the early packer spends six days panicked over the last-minute packer not being packed. Ain’t love grand?)

“Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong” –@mom_tho

(Always from the bottom, rolling as you go. This is the way.)

“I told my husband I wanted to buy an expensive blender, he said we don’t need an expensive blender. Long story short, how long should I wait before I tell him it arrives tomorrow?” –@3sunzzz

(Pssst. Don’t tell him at all. He might not even notice.)

“Wife: You’re doing it wrong.

Me: What?

Wife: *motions vaguely in the direction of my entire life*”

–@XplodingUnicorn

(Ouch.)

“My wife said she’d buy her own birthday cake this is a test right” –@DadBroDad1

(Yes. Yes it is.)

“Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I can’t listen to your problems right now.” –@thearibradford

(This is just psychopathic behavior, honestly.)

“In 34 years on this planet I’ve learned one very important lesson that I’m going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You cannot eat her fries.” –@CrockettForReal

(It’s funny because it’s true.)

“-commercial break-
Husband: *silent*
-fight scene-
Husband: *completely and utterly silent*
-quiet dialogue scene-
Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets”

–@Megatronic13

(SHUSSSHHHH.)

“Me:

My wife:

Me:

Wife:

Me:

Wife:

Me:

Wife:

Me: (stands up)

Wife: While you’re up….”

–@simoncholland

(This one hits a little too close to home. I LIKE SITTING, OKAY?)

“My wife and I are both working from home.

She microwaved fish.

Time to alert HR.”

– @Xploding Unicorn

(Or a divorce lawyer. Honestly, woman.)

“Me, giving my husband’s eulogy: It’s so hard

Husband, from coffin: ᵀʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ˢᵃᶦᵈ.”

–@mommajessiec

(Even when he’s stiff. That’s what she said.)

“I miss how my wife would say “he’s a rescue” whenever I misbehaved at parties.” –@SladeWentworth

(The pandemic has ruined everything.)

“This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize I’m not out of his league.” –@RachelNoise

(Seriously. COVID ruins every darn thing.)

“MIL: You have to teach them really young to pick up after themselves

Me: *watching my husband take off his socks and leave them in the middle of the living room*”

–@mom_ontherocks

(Ahem. Thanks for the advice, “mom.”)

“I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse.” –@simoncholland

(I believe the Latin term for this is spousus patheticus.)

“[my husband has the man flu. After 3 days]:

M: will you please just take medicine??
H: *pouts* fine, what flavor is it??
M: what flav…it’s ADULT FLAVORED!”

–@jaxwax04

(Case in point.)

“Welcome to marriage. Here’s the new way you fold towels.” –@HenpeckedHal

(And you’re pretty much guaranteed to never do it quite right, so don’t bother trying.)

“Made it to that level of marriage where you get in trouble for being able to fall asleep so fast.” –@simoncholland

(Oh, but wait until you find out what you did to piss her off in her dream…)

“My husband: We were way over on groceries last month.
Me: How did THAT happen?
Him: Well we spent like $100 on ice cream sandwiches…
Me: …
Him: …babe, that’s bad.
Me: I HATE THIS PLACE IT SUCKS HERE”

–@thearibradford

(Seriously. I’m a grownup, I do what I want.)

“My wife managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I am now nonessential.” –thedadvocate01

(It’s okay. If you keep on taking out the garbage that she could take out herself, she’ll probably keep you around.)

“Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”

Me, “A bottle of champagne.”

Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.

“Me, “I said what I said.””

–@Parkerlawyer

(And I meant what I meant.)

“My wife asked me if she had any ‘annoying’ habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation.” –@BattyMclain

(Hey now. Two can play at this game, buddy.)

“Husband: Does it bother you when I —

Me: Yes.”

–@mommajessiec

(Ouch again.)

“Wife: Are you just going to walk around all day without a shirt on?

Me: Just giving you a show.

Wife: Can I change the channel?”

–XplodingUnicorn

(And they lived happily ever after.)

If I’ve learned anything in two decades of marriage, it’s that there are few things a good belly laugh together can’t fix. Here’s to taking care of one another and finding the humor in marital bliss.

In a Friday evening news dump unlike any other in modern history, Twitter suspended the President of the United States from its platform. Donald Trump, who used the platform earlier in the week to incite a coup attempt at the US Capitol that left five people dead, had his account permanently suspended just hours after it was reported the company was not yet willing to deplatform him.

After hundreds of Twitter employees reportedly circulated a letter asking Twitter to ban Trump for his actions on social media, and days after he endured a suspension and two of his tweets were deleted because they were perceived to amplify violence in Washington, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey reportedly outlined how Trump had not yet crossed a “very clear line in the sand” that would remove him from Twitter permanently.

But on Friday evening, the company decided that line had already been crossed, and Twitter’s safety account explained that @realdonaldtrump had been suspended.

Trump had already been suspended from both Facebook and Instagram through the end of his presidential term, but the permanent removal from his favorite social media site coincided with a purge of QAnon-affiliated accounts and other Trump supporters who had helped fuel conspiracy theories and baseless accusations of voter fraud which played a part in Wednesday’s deadly insurrection.

News of Trump removed from Twitter sparked an enormous reaction on the platform he can no longer use. Words like “permanently” and “Trump’s Twitter” immediately started trending, and for many it felt like it was far too late to truly celebrate much of anything.

There were still time for plenty of jokes, though.

Many wondered where Trump would turn to fire off his takes next.

Some people hoped some of his most absurd tweets will be preserved now that he’s lost his account. And, thankfully, screenshots live forever.

There were a few good TikTok jokes in there, too.

Trump deplatformed is a net good, though amid calls for his resignation, the use of the 25th amendment to remove him from power and talk of a second impeachment there really is no telling what will happen next while he’s still technically in power. But we know that whatever it is, we won’t hear about it on Twitter. Not from him, anyway.

There’s something about a Moscow mule that is timeless. Yes, it’s super thirst-quenching, making it a great summer cocktail; but the layered ginger in the drink also gives it a wintry-fresh vibe, which feels very January. It’s also extremely light, much needed after a heavy (on multiple levels) month of December.

The best part, though, is that a Moscow mule is easy to make. In essence, you can grab some vodka (chilled of course), pour that over ice in a mug or rocks glass, squeeze a lime over the vodka, and top that with some solid ginger beer. Done. And if that’s your plan for making a Moscow mule, we’re not going to stop you.

Still, top-shelf cocktails are about balance and depth. A good Moscow mule is fine. A great Moscow mule is something you’ll want more than one of. We’re here to help you go from “solid” to “superb.”

To get the right balance for this drink, you have to add a few little flourishes to amp up the depth of the drink and help balance it out. The best thing you can do for your Moscow mule to help it pop is not skimp on the ginger beer (no ginger ale, folks), filter the pulp from your lime juice, and infuse your vodka with fresh ginger.

When I was coming up at Victoria Bar in Berlin way back in the day, one of my prep jobs was to fill a case of Smirnoff bottles with freshly grated ginger once or twice a week. Then, the next day, I’d filter out the ginger and stock the bottles in the freezer. Having that infused vodka at the base of your mule takes the drink from “hey, that’s nice” to “Wow, that’s f*cking great!”

Let’s get mixing!

The Moscow Mule

Ingredients:

• 3-oz. ginger-infused vodka***
• Fresh lime juice
• 5-oz. ginger beer
• Ice
• Lime
• ***Fresh ginger

I’m using Moskovskaya vodka. It’s super cheap, easy to track down, and great for infusing. You can use Smirnoff, Stoli, whatever. Just make sure it’s drinkable and not the bottom shelf/hand sanitizer stuff.

As for the ginger beer, I’m using Thomas Henry. I’m also a fan of Bundaberg and Reed’s. The point is to use ginger beer and not ginger ale.

Lastly, make sure your limes are fresh and juicy. Don’t be afraid to give them a squeeze to find the juiciest ones.

You’ll Need:

• Copper mug or rocks glass
• Barspoon
• Juicer
• Knife
• Box grater
• Extra bottle
• Funnel
• Sieve
• Jigger

This is a build-in-the-glass cocktail. Still, we’re infusing vodka. So, there are few more tools necessary, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Method:

First, we have to make our ginger-infused vodka. You’ll need a minimum of 24-hours to do this, as it has to sit overnight, get sieved, and then chilled. The point is to make a whole bottle of ginger-infused vodka to keep in your freezer for easy Moscow mule making.

I use a standard box grater on the small teeth side to grate a thumb-size piece of fresh ginger. I then add that ginger into the bottle of vodka. I place that on the shelf and let it do its thing overnight.

The next day, I get an extra bottle ready with a sieve and funnel and pour the ginger-filled vodka through. Once poured through, I press down on the ginger to pull all the super gingery juice into the bottle. I then throw away the ginger flesh.

I place the bottle in my freezer to chill for at least four hours, preferably overnight again. Now, you have amazing ginger-infused vodka that’s going to make your Moscow mules pop like they do at cocktail bars.

Okay, let’s build the cocktail.

I’m not making lime juice on the side. I’m simply squeezing one lime of juice straight into the mug with a hand juicer and sieve. This saves time. If you want to juice and filter a bag of limes to have a bottle of lime juice in the fridge, go for it. I’m not in the mood for that today, so I’m squeezing limes straight into the cocktail.

Build like so…

• Fill a copper mug or rocks glass with ice.
• Add the ginger-infused vodka and lime juice then top up ginger beer.
• Stir with a spoon and top with fresh ice.
• Garnish with a lime wheel.
• Serve.

The Bottom Line:

The first sip takes me right back to the bar. The ginger beer has a nice sharp yet sweet edge with that signature fizz. The real highlight is the tongue-tingling sense of fresh ginger in the vodka, which really helps this pop. It’s an eye-opener!

The drink is fresh, spicy, sweet but not overly so, icy cold, and very quaffable. I may have to make a bottle of lime juice after all, because I want five more of these ASAP.

The NBA’s ongoing attempt to put on a season while the COVID-19 pandemic is ongoing hit several bumps in the road this week. Whether it was a player testing positive, as was the case with Philadelphia 76ers guard Seth Curry, or close contact protocols keeping someone sidelined, like Denver Nuggets youngster Michael Porter Jr., the stark reality of the circumstances surrounding this season feels like it has been as prominent as ever in recent days.

Now, another team has found itself impacted by all of this, according to Shams Charania of The Athletic. The Dallas Mavericks reportedly had a positive test in their ranks following Thursday’s win over the Denver Nuggets, and to compound matters, a pair of players were viewed as close contacts. As a result, they are slated to stay in Denver, although it is unclear how long they’ll need to remain quarantined.

The remainder of the team has made its way back to Dallas, and in a bit of good news, both of the close contacts have tested negative up to this point.

It is unclear if further contact tracing into this particular case will be necessary. Dallas, which is one of seven Western Conference teams that boasts a 4-4 record at this early juncture of the season, will play Orlando on Saturday.

Friday marked the birthday of the iconic David Bowie. To celebrate the late venerable singer, BBE Music tapped a handful of contemporary artists like Khruangbin and Helado Negro to cover some of Bowie’s music for the tribute album Modern Love.

The announcement of the 16-track tribute LP arrives alongside a wavy cover of Bowie’s 1972 hit “Space Oddity,” reimagined by R&B duo We Are King. The project itself was curated by music executive and DJ Drew McFadden, alongside BBE Music founder Peter Adarkwah.

Speaking about his inspiration behind the compilation, McFadden said he wanted to have Bowie’s music reworked across genres:

“I felt that the connection between Bowie and R&B, jazz, funk, gospel and all things soulful, had never really been explored before — at least not so much in covers, which tend to lean more towards rock and pop. Certainly, there’s been plenty of Bowie covers over the years, but none that have really tapped into what seems to have been a big part of his core musical style and direction.”

Echoing McFadden’s statement, We Are King explained their decision to cover “Space Oddity” in particular. “There were so many amazing Bowie compositions to choose from but ‘Space Oddity’ has always been our favorite. It’s so visual; it has always felt like time travel in a song,” they said. “It tells such a vivid and imaginative story of Major Tom’s trip through space and it was such a cool experience to reimagine what it’d be like on the voyage.”

Listen to We Are King’s cover of “Space Oddity” above and see the Modern Love album cover and tracklist below.

1. “Life On Mars” by Miguel Atwood-Ferguson
2. “Sound & Vision” by Helado Negro
3. “Lady Grinning Soul” by Kit Sebastian
4. “Soul Love” by Jeff Parker and The New Breed Feat. Ruby Parker
5. “Panic In Detroit” by Sessa
6. “The Man Who Sold The World” by The Hics
7. “Right” by Khruangbin
8. “Silly Boy Blue” by Nia Andrews
9. “Chant Of The Ever Circling Skeletal Family” by Foxtrott
10. “Move On” by L’Rain
11. “Tonight” by Eddie Chacon & John Carroll Kirby
12. “Modern Love” by Jonah Mutono
13. “Where Are We Now” by Bullion
14. “Fantastic Voyage” by Meshell Ndegeocello
15. “Heroes” by Matthew Tavares
16. “Space Oddity” by We Are King

Modern Love is out 5/28 via BBE Music.

Donald Trump finally conceded the 2020 presidential election on Thursday, months after all the votes were counted and a day after a violent coup attempt at US Capitol was incited by the president of the United States. Despite all of that, many couldn’t help but speculate that Trump finally verbally agreed to a peaceful transition of power only because he couldn’t tweet.

Several social media companies took action following a violent attack by Trump followers in Washington on Wednesday. The New York Times reported Friday that Reddit banned a Trump-centric forum on Friday. A bot could quite literally followed as Rudy Giuliani’s follower count diminished on Friday when QAnon-related accounts were removed from the platform. And those reporting on QAnon activity on the platform saw their accounts suspended when the conspiracy’s followers rushed Twitter support to prevent their actions.

But Trump, despite clearly violating the rules of the site and seeing his tweets removed and account suspended in the wake of the MAGA riot, remains on Twitter as of Friday evening. That comes even after hundreds of employees at Twitter have reportedly lobbied for his removal from the platform altogether, like Sidney Powell and Lin Wood and Michael Flynn before him. According to The Verge, Twitter employees have circulated a letter demanding the company remove the president from the platform for a laundry list of violations.

“We must examine Twitter’s complicity in what President-Elect Biden has rightly termed insurrection. Those acts jeopardize the wellbeing of the United States, our company, and our employees,” they wrote.

The letter writers also call for Twitter to “provide a clear account” of the company’s decision to temporarily suspend Trump’s account and to investigate “Twitter’s role in today’s insurrection.”

“We must learn from our mistakes in order to avoid causing future harm,” they wrote.

Despite growing pressure from inside and outside the company to deplatform Trump, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has resisted those calls. In a statement sent within the company and reported by The Verge, Dorsey said Twitter had drawn “a very clear line in the sand” regarding what Trump cannot do on Twitter, but said he had not crossed it and therefore the company would not delete his account.

“It’s important we follow a clear and public rule set that can endure beyond any one moment,” Dorsey wrote. “Why? In order to earn trust. I know it may not feel that way right now.”

Dorsey also argued that it was up to elected leaders to repair the damage from Wednesday’s attack. “We aren’t the government,” he said. “Our elected officials must do the work to right this and bring the country together. Our role is around the integrity of the conversation of that work, and doing everything we can to promote healthy discourse, knowing it’s not always going to be accepted in the short term. But it will be over the long term. I’m certain of that.”

Dorsey said that Twitter had drawn “a very clear line in the sand” by saying it would permanently suspend Trump if he further violated the platform’s rules. “If that line is crossed, we will do what we said we are going to do,” he wrote.

Trump, whose personal account on Twitter has more than 88 million followers, has tweeted just three times since two posts were removed and his account was suspended amid the insurrection he sparked in Washington on Wednesday. The Daily Beast reported on Thursday that Trump was furious his ability to tweet was taken away from him, and there’s speculation that Twitter may be willing to take more action against Trump and his violent rhetoric when he leaves office. But until then, it seems Twitter is hesitant to remove Trump from the platform permanently, for better or worse.