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Aaron Sorkin has a certain flair for writing so over-the-top obvious, garish lines of dialogue that hint at current events, yet delivered with such conviction and spite that it feels stupid to even point it out. And, of course, there are a lot of those moments in Sorkin’s new film The Trial of the Chicago 7 (which will be on Netflix in October). There’s a moment in the film when the former Attorney General Ramsey Clark (Michael Keaton) is testifying that the whole trial is a sham and a political witch-hunt. The judge (Frank Langella) doesn’t want the jury to hear the testimony based on attorney-client privileges between the former attorney general and former President Lyndon Johnson. Michael Keaton mumbles a response. The judge asks him to repeat himself. Keaton dramatically turns to the camera and says that the president is not a client of the attorney general. A-ha! (Also of note, Ramsey Clark is still alive today.)

But, again, it’s delivered with such zing that instead of feeling pandering, it instead gave me a chill down my back. There were a few moments like that during The Trial of the Chicago 7. So, yes, 28 years after Sorkin wrote A Few Good Men, he returns with yet another blistering courtroom drama and, this time, he directed it himself.

The Trial of the Chicago 7 is, obviously, based on the real story of seven counterculture protesters who are charged with inciting a riot around the time of the 1968 Democratic Convention. It features an all-star cast that I hesitate even trying to list because then it would start to look like a who’s who of the IMDB star meter. The film starts right before the trial and uses the proceedings of the trial to tell the story in a series of flashbacks. Taking center stage at the trial is a combination of Sacha Baron Cohen as Abbie Hoffman (Cohen is much older than Hoffman was at this time, but he’s so good that it’s hard to care. Then after the movie I watched some Hoffman interviews on YouTube and let’s just say he looks a bit older for his age anyway, his buddy Jerry Rubin (Jeremy Strong, doing his best Cheech and Chong impression; to the point I didn’t even recognize him), Bobby Seale (played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as the co-founder of the Black Panthers who was railroaded into this trial even worse than the others), and Tom Hayden (Eddie Redmayne, in maybe his most un-peculiar role ever).

(It’s also worth noting how many times we hear Sacha Baron Cohen’s name associated with these amazing roles, only a few months later to hear he’s dropped out for some reason or another. His last movie before this was back in 2016 with, for no real reason, Alice Through the Looking Glass. Before that is was a cameo in Anchorman 2 and before that Les Misérables. But here, he finally went through with one of these amazing sounding roles and, yes, it turns out, he’s incredible. Also, I’d watch a documentary of Cohen and Strong on set together, never breaking character, most likely annoying anyone who crosses their paths.)

I mentioned Michael Keaton earlier, but his role in this film is basically as the ace reliever. The story is just cruising along and then, almost as if not wanting to make sure that lead is secure, here comes fireballing ace Michael Keaton to close the whole thing out. He’s not in the movie all that much, but he kind of plays the Bizzaro Colonel Jessup from A Few Good Men. Basically the star witness, only he really wants to testify and lay it all out there for everyone. It’s just remarkable to see a movie firing on all cylinders like this, then Michael Keaton strolls on in and just blows the whole thing up to another level.

A Few Good Men is on television a lot. It’s actually difficult to flip through cable (yes, I still have cable television) and not see A Few Good Men playing. And I get sucked in every time. Sorkin’s dialogue just works so well in the courtroom setting. And with a fixed set like this, it all comes down to deliver and blocking as opposed to some of the tricks Sorkin leans too heavily on like the walking and talking thing. So imagine now, Sorkin has basically made a spiritual sequel to A Few Good Men with maybe just as many “I just got chills” moments. Honestly, since theaters basically ceased to exist, there’s been a few movies I’ve watched screeners at home and have really, really enjoyed. But this is the first that made me feel like I was back in a theater. This it felt like a real event. That I got those chills down the back as I watched something I’m just loving for the first time of what will be many times. (Though, being a Netflix movie, it won’t have a chance to be on cable nonstop. Alas.) Like I said, Sorkin’s dialogue can be pointed, almost to a fault, and he doesn’t shy away from that here – and it just works so well that I couldn’t help but give a little applause when it all wrapped up.

Also, this movie has a roll call during the credits. If I ever run for public office, I will campaign on the promise that, by law, every movie has to have a roll call at the end.

‘The Trial of the Chicago Seven’ will stream via Netflix on October 16. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

The NFL season is now officially in full swing, with two full weeks of results in the bag. As usual, there is some weirdness to sift through but, in terms of the success or failure in this space, things have been pretty good. Week 2 was highly profitable, even with the ineptitude of the Philadelphia Eagles, and Week 3 provides another opportunity to let it fly.

Before we dive into this week’s slate with five selections, here is a look at where we’ve been to this point.

• Week 2: 4-1
• 2020 Season: 7-3

Come get these winners.

Minnesota Vikings (+2.5) over Tennessee Titans

The Vikings look horrific. There is no arguing that. Minnesota is arguably the most disappointing team in the NFL through two weeks so, naturally, here we are on their side. I’m betting that the Vikings didn’t fall off entirely overnight and, truthfully, I’m probably a little lower on the Titans than the consensus. Give me the home underdog, especially with the entire universe on the other side.

New York Jets (+11.5) over Indianapolis Colts

I can hear you laughing. I get it. The Jets might be the worst team in the NFL and they are already a punchline this season. I won’t argue with any of that but, as a result of the pointing and laughing, New York is now undervalued. Should they be a substantial underdog against the Colts? Absolutely. Should it be 11.5? Absolutely not. Give me the candy.

Carolina Panthers (+6.5) over Los Angeles Chargers

Christian McCaffrey is an enormous loss for the Panthers and that probably plays into this line being where it is. I’m definitely skeptical of the Chargers as this big of a favorite with their quarterback situation, though, and the market might be overreacting to Carolina losing its best player. McCaffrey is great, but he’s still a running back and this line should be closer to four in my view. That’s enough to give me the value with the public on the other side.

Detroit Lions (+5.5) over Arizona Cardinals

Oh look, another underdog that absolutely no one wants! The Lions were getting some buzz before the season but, with haste, the bandwagon emptied and it was probably justified. Detroit utterly imploded in back-to-back games and, at the same time, the Cardinals opened with two wins and a lot of excitement. This line should probably be closer to a field goal at the moment, but these are the situations we are made for. Fade the public.

New Orleans Saints (-3) over Green Bay Packers

Our pals at Action Network tell me that more than 70 percent of the tickets are on the Packers. Green Bay looks great right now, so that isn’t too shocking, but the Saints are laying only a field goal at home? That seems odd. Candidly, I’m a bit of a Drew Brees skeptic at this point in his career, but New Orleans is loaded on defense and they can lean on Alvin Kamara to make some things happen. This is just me playing against a number and the public, though, with a little bit too much love for the Packers in the market right now.

Disney’s latest tribute to the late Chadwick Boseman is an artist’s interpretation of the very real impact the Black Panther star had on his millions of fans. Artist Nikkolas Smith created a mural of Boseman at the Downtown Disney District in Anaheim, which was officially revealed on Thursday.

Though Disneyland remains closed amid the coronavirus pandemic, the nearby shopping center is still operating. And now it will house a tribute to Boseman, who died of cancer in late August at the age of 43.

“This one is special,” Smith said in an Instagram post about the mural. “My King Chad tribute is now on a wall on display at Downtown Disney.”

The artist, a former Disney Imagineer, shared more details about the mural, which features Boseman crouching down to give the Wakanda Forever salute to a Black child wearing a Black Panther mask. He explained that the commission was a “full circle moment” for him and touched on the impact Boseman’s work as T’Challa had on the community as well as the mural’s goal.

“To millions of kids, T’Challa was a legend larger than life, and there was no one more worthy to fill those shoes than Chadwick Boseman,” Smith wrote. “I’m so thankful to be able to honor Chadwick’s life and purpose in this way.”

The post includes the official unveiling of the mural, which was hidden behind a sheet until Thursday. Smith later signed it and posted in front of it several times, including with a child of his own.

“I am grateful to the Disney family for being so supportive of my journey as an artist,” Smith wrote.

Chef’s Table has become the touchstone of beautifully shot food television. David Gelb’s show married the worlds of high-end photography, personal storytelling, and food porn into a single package that entrances, engages, and entices viewers in equal measure. Since launching in 2015, the show has grown from highlighting the uber-elite of the restaurant world to seeking out unique voices who tell millennia-old stories through the food they cook, sometimes in faraway jungles or inaccessible ancient monasteries.

In short, the show is no longer is a paean to the 1%-pleasing celebrity chef. It’s now a well-rounded exploration of everything that food is and can be for humankind.

To celebrate the beauty of Chef’s Table, we thought we’d call out the ten episodes across the entire franchise that speak to us most deeply. We’ve updated the list to include the latest season of the show, which was centered on four BBQ chefs from different corners of the world. Overall, these ten episodes offer a gateway to the show’s larger ecosystem. Hopefully, they’ll help you get into the docuseries and that, in turn, will help you expand your food knowledge, dining palate, and overall appreciation.

10. Massimo Bottura (Volume 1)

This is where it all started. So where better to start your journey with Chef’s Table?

Chef Massimo Bottura’s legendary Osteria Francescana had already been around for 20 years by the time this episode dropped. The episode caught Chef Bottura in the moment just before his lauded osteria was crowned number one by The World’s 50 Best Restaurants (he had come in second the previous year). The episode has distinct echoes from creator David Gelb’s Jiro Dreams of Sushi. Bottura’s artistry, charisma, and, of course, dishes are all on full display and it hooks you right in.

9. Sean Brock (Volume 6)

Volume six of Chef’s Table upped the ante when it comes to what great food TV can be. A shining example of that was chef Sean Brock’s episode, which found the chef transitioning from his life at Husk to the next chapter both physically and mentally.

Chef Brock is a celebrity chef who has made the rounds of food TV for years now. He’s been a proponent of local Carolina foods and helped herald a resurgence in a wider appreciation for Southern cuisine. He’s also battled many demons stemming from alcohol and loss. Brock’s episode will move you while showing you how deep some chefs have to go to reach the highest levels of culinary achievement.

8. Tootsie Tomanetz (Volume 7/BBQ)

Snow’s BBQ in Texas’ Hill Country is iconic. That’s in no small part thanks to the tireless work of Tootsie Tomanetz.

The octogenarian wakes up in the middle of the night to make beans, stoke fire pits, and ready herself for the weekend onslaught of BBQ fanatics who flock to Snow’s. Oh, and all of that is done after a full work week as a custodian at the local high school. But this episode is more than just a look at Tomanetz’s amazing work ethic. The show tells the story of one of the most important people in Hill Country BBQ in the modern age, along with the highs and lows that life brings. All of that makes this one of the best “non-chef” episodes of the series.

7. Alex Atala (Volume 2)

Chef Alex Atala is helping redefine what we think of Brazilian cuisine. The genius of chef Atala — the son of Irish and Lebanese settlers — lies in his ability to parse the various influences on Brazilian food from colonialism to slavery to the depths of the embattled Indigenous Amazon.

This episode feels important. You’re lured into Atala’s life in his busy kitchen and then transported into Amazonia. The show balances the colonial world with the Indigenous world in a fascinating and respectful way, without playing into any white savior tropes. It’s enlightening food TV.

6. Jeong Kwan (Volume 3)

Volume three was a big shift for Chef’s Table. It was a glimpse at what the show would become. Big-name chefs were still at play in five of the six episodes. And then there was an episode about a nun who cooks for her monastery in the mountains of Korea.

This episode was a game-changer for the show. The story of Jeong Kwan, her garden, and her kitchen was revelatory. Suddenly, we were out of the hustle and bustle of professional kitchens and thrown into the calm of mountain streams, prayer sessions, and the breeze rolling through trees. A new chapter for the show had been found in the most unlikely of places, a Korean monastery. The show would never really be the same after this episode.

5. Rodney Scott (Volume 7/BBQ)

The top five of this ranking are pretty much all just splitting hairs. Each of the next five episodes could stand alone at number one for how engaging and well-rounded they are as short documentaries.

Rodney Scott’s Carolina whole hog BBQ pit mastery is the stuff of legend. Scott’s so good at whole hog, he’s able to travel the country bringing his expertise to the masses.

Scott’s episode feels like a blend of what the show was and what it’s become. There’s a sense of the real-life, accessible food at play here. Anyone can rock up to Rodney Scott’s BBQ joint in Charleston and eat there. There’s no elitist reservation system or elitist pricing-out of average consumers. But this episode is also about a true master of the culinary world. There’s a bit of inaccessibility to this in a good way. That is, as you watch, you realize that you can’t cook a whole hog anywhere near as good as Scott and you probably never will.

4. Mashama Bailey (Volume 6)

Chef Mashama Bailey found her voice while turning a formerly segregated Greyhound bus station in Savannah, Georgia into one of the nation’s best restaurants.

Chef Bailey’s story starts when she returns home to Georgia after years spent in New York’s kitchens. Bailey pulls no punches in searching for her roots and meaning through food. The episode shines a light on what America was and offers a ray of sunshine what it can be when chefs like chef Bailey take a stand, look inward, and find their own truth.

3. Asma Kahn (Volume 6)

It’s hard not to fall in love with Asma Khan in this episode of Chef’s Table. There’s a directness to her. You do not bullshit this woman. Then a welcoming smile inches across her face as fragrant and gorgeous food is set on the table and you know you’re home (I speak from experience. I’ve been lucky enough to attend chef Khan’s Briyani Supper Club).

Everything about chef Khan’s story and restaurant, Darjeeling Express, is engaging. Khan’s story from lonely housewife to the supper club toast of London to running one of London’s best restaurants draws you in and doesn’t let go. You feel Khan’s pains, triumphs, and power. Her all-female/all-migrant kitchen is a testament to Khan’s mettle and unwillingness to compromise her family, her friends, or her food.

2. Cristina Martinez (Volume 5)

The risk taken by Indigenous Mexican chef Cristina Martinez in this episode is massive. We don’t mean risks in the kitchen or with some esoteric artistic ideas. We’re talking about real-life consequences where losing one’s home and freedom are painfully real. Martinez is an illegal immigrant from central Mexico. She put her livelihood and home on the line to make this episode of television.

What’s more, Martinez is making some of the most American food there is in Philadelphia — a city that’s virtually forgotten Indigenous food. Martinez is also bringing corn back to a place where it was expunged through genocide and reigniting a way of cooking meat that has been gone for far too long.

In the end, this episode should leave you questioning how we can call Indigenous Americans from south of a border made up by colonists “illegal.” It’s patently absurd. But after your outrage will come a sense of admiration through some of the most beautiful food ever seen on the show.

1. Rosalia Chay Chuc (Volume 7/BBQ)

There are two reasons why this is at number one. The first is the uniqueness of this episode. Rosalia is a home cook who feeds her community but has recently turned to feeding foodies from all over the world who make it to the Yucatan. This episode also touches on issues even deeper than the millennia-old Mayan foodways Rosalia is preserving. Issues of culture, tradition, and the decimating power of colonialism.

There’s a real sense of place, time, and trauma at play here. Rosalia talks about having to learn Spanish to survive in modern Mexico and the challenges of fighting to preserve her ancestral agriculture and traditions. The conversations and point-of-view offered throughout the episode are a rare and engrossing look at the foods of Mexico — which are most-typically filtered through a colonial-settler lens.

Machine Gun Kelly was set to release his fifth album, Tickets To My Downfall, but prior to its arrival, the rapper-turned-rockstar sat down with Howard Stern to discuss one of the biggest moments of his career: his beef with Eminem. The beef between the two artists goes back to 2013 when Kelly spoke about Eminem’s daughter in a tweet. Eminem would later respond to Kelly in a string of songs including “Not Alike” from his 2018 album, Kamikaze. The two would go all out in their beef, one that produced Eminem’s “Killshot” and MGK’s “Rap Devil,” but if you ask the Cleveland artist, he’ll tell you he has no regrets.

When asked about his beef with Eminem and where he was when he heard the Kamikaze diss tracks, MGK’s said, “I’m like asleep on my tour bus and this f*cking guy drops an album with like three songs consecutively talking about me.” He added, “What the f*ck you think I’m going to do, just f*cking roll over and go back to sleep? I said what I said, and respect the fight—that’s it.”

Despite this, Kelly explained that he’s more concerned with making friends than enemies. “I’m just a different type though, man,” he said, “I’m all about putting my arm around people, I’m not with [shunning] people, so I can’t relate. The last thing I ever want to be is an angry legend.”

Since the “Killshot” and “Rap Devil” diss tracks, Eminem and MGK have kept their beef to a simmering minimum, with Eminem throwing a few shots on his Music To Be Murdered By album while MGK took aim once again the Detroit legend on his single, “Bullets With Names.”

Fewer than ten days after the Big Ten announced the decision to reverse course and pursue a 2020 college football season, the Pac-12 will reportedly be joining them. Jon Wilner of the Pac-12 Hotline newsletter first reported the news on Thursday evening that the conference voted to play this season.

Later, word came to light that the season will begin on the weekend of Nov. 6, with each of the 12 schools set to play seven games.

It does not appear, however, as if fans will be allowed to consume the games in person.

If the seven-game conference season comes to fruition, the Pac-12 championship game will reportedly take place on Dec. 18. In mid-August, the Pac-12 announced the decision to postpone all sports until Jan. 1 at the earliest, focusing on the health-related fallout from COVID-19. In the days since, however, momentum has apparently been building for a return and the end result was reportedly a unanimous vote to play.

In perhaps related news, Brett McMurphy reports that, with many conferences returning in abbreviated form, bowl season could be quite weird and the NCAA may waive any win requirement for inclusion.

The logistics will be incredibly interesting to monitor, as the Pac-12’s campaign is the shortest season announced by any major college football conference. Still, it appears as if the Pac-12 will be throwing its hat into the ring and, for its programs, this is an opportunity to take the field in relatively short order in comparison to the original timeline.

Like the Big Ten, the Pac-12 schedule does not include any bye weeks which, given there have already been 21 games canceled or postponed in college football this season, doesn’t offer the opportunity for rescheduling games should teams have internal outbreaks or be unable to field teams due to contact tracing.

UPDATE: The league confirmed the news shortly after, noting that fall and winter sports can begin practicing when they get clearance from their respective universities, including football, and basketball will be able to begin its season along with the rest of the NCAA on November 25.

Click to download here.

Sopranos season three continues on Pod Yourself A Gun this week with a discussion of “Proshai, Livushka,” episode 302 and the second part of a two-episode premiere that originally aired March 4th, 2001. Our guest this week is Brodie Reed (named a “best up-and-coming comedian” by Vulture), host of the Dark Weeb and Male Gaze podcasts.

Brodie joins your regular hosts Matt Lieb from Newsbroke/AJ+ and me to discuss arguably the greatest Sopranos episode there is. In this episode (SPOILERS TO FOLLOW, DO NOT @ ME) Livia dies, we meet both Svetlana the gruff nurse and Noah Tenenbaum, Meadow’s film buff pseudo boyfriend, help AJ with his Robert Frost assignment, and try to understand Christopher’s position on fingerprints at a truly epic funeral for Livia (where Janice, against all odds, once again monopolizes the conversation). We tend to love the funny episodes and this one is surely one of the funniest.

I absolutely love this episode of the Sopranos (whaddya gonna do? …at least she didn’t suffer) and I hope you love this Pod Yourself A Gun episode just as much. Nay, twice as much. In fact if you don’t love it, maybe you should get some therapy.

As always, give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or wherever you get your podcasts.

Working parents have always had the challenge of juggling career and kids. But during the pandemic, that juggling act feels like a full-on, three-ring circus performance, complete with clowns and rings of fire and flying elephants.

With millions of kids doing virtual learning, our routines and home lives have taken a dramatic shift. Some parents are trying to navigate working from home at the same time, some are trying to figure out who’s going to watch over their kids while they work outside the home, and some are scrambling to find a new job because theirs got eliminated due to the pandemic. In addition to the logistical challenges, parents also have to deal with the emotional ups and downs of their kids, who are also dealing with an uncertain and altered reality, while also managing their own existential dread.

It’s a whole freaking lot right now, honestly.

That’s why a Twitter thread from January of this year—that blissful month before we knew that the novel coronavirus was making its way around the world—is resonating with parents now more than ever. Author Jennifer Lynn Barnes shared a bit of wisdom from prolific novelist and mother Nora Roberts. Roberts, who has written a whopping 215 books, did a lot of writing while raising her two children, so she has some experience juggling work and family life.

Barnes wrote:

“One time, I was at a Q&A with Nora Roberts, and someone asked her how to balance writing and kids, and she said that the key to juggling is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic & some are made of glass.

And if you drop a plastic ball, it bounces, no harm done. If you drop a glass ball, it shatters, so you have to know which balls are glass and which are plastic and prioritize catching the glass ones.

I think about this ALL THE TIME. I dropped more than one ball today. It is hard to drop any ball, and I hate it! But they were plastic, and tomorrow, it will be okay.

As this has gone viral, I have seen a lot of people interpreting this as “your kids are the glass ball” and/or referring to speeches made by men about juggling five balls, where work is plastic and family is glass.

That’s not what Nora was saying in this case.

Nora was not talking about juggling five balls. She was talking about juggling FIFTY-FIVE balls. The balls don’t represent ‘family’ or ‘work.’ There are separate balls for everything that goes into each of those categories. ‘Deadline on Project Y’ or ‘crazy sock day at school.’

And her point, addressing a room full of women, was not ‘prioritize kids over work.’ It was ‘some kid stuff is glass and some is plastic, and sometimes, to catch a glass work ball, you have to drop a plastic family one, and that is okay.’

And the reverse is also true. Sometimes, to catch a glass kid ball, something at work has to slide, and that is okay, too.

If you are juggling 55 balls, some are going to drop, so you have to focus not on broad categories, but on the glass balls.”

Now that is what seriously sage advice looks like. Much of what parents hear these days can be summed up as “Make time for self-care!” which is nice, but not particularly helpful when you’re in the thick of things. We have no choice but to juggle many things at once, but discerning which balls are okay to drop for now and which ones we absolutely have to keep in the air can help us cope a little better with the circus act we’ve found ourselves in—clowns, fire rings and all.

The big story about Season 2 of The Boys has been fan anger about, well, there not being enough of the show to go around. So perhaps news that another show in the superhero-infested universe that it occupies will be enough to sate the masses. Reports on Thursday indicated that Amazon is already working on a college-themed spinoff to series, adding to an ever-growing Vought Industries-run universe where Season 3 of The Boys is already on the way.

According to Variety, Amazon has “fast-tracked” a spinoff of The Boys that will have a much younger superhero cast with all the raunch and brutality of the original:

The spinoff is set at America’s only college exclusively for young adult superheroes (or “supes”) that is run by Vought International. It is described as an irreverent, R-rated series that explores the lives of hormonal, competitive supes as they put their physical, sexual, and moral boundaries to the test, competing for the best contracts in the best cities. Part college show, part Hunger Games — with all the heart, satire and raunch of “The Boys.”

According to the report, many behind the scenes of The Boys will usher the spinoff into existence. Craig Rosenberg, a writer and executive producer on the original, will write the pilot and serve as showrunner. He will also executive produce along with The Boys showrunner Eric Kripke, who perhaps was hinting at this news when he posted a cryptic video of Homelander getting mad at all the bad ratings fans frustrated with the weekly episode release cycle have left. Maybe having a lot more The Boys to go along will be enough to turn fan opinion around, as Amazon clearly seems excited about the show and wants to give everyone involved what they want: more.

(Via Variety)

Welcome to Wednesday Night’s Alright, my Uproxx Sports column where we compare AEW Dynamite and WWE NXT, the two shows that air on the best night of the week for wrestling. There was also a little bit of Dynamite on Tuesday night this week, but that really just consisted of two solid wrestling matches with no story, and one story-advancing match that wasn’t that impressive in its wrestling. So let’s stick with Wednesday for now, and look at the highlights from both shows.

Nefarious Heel Behavior: The Lucha Bros and Ricky Starks

After Jon Moxley had just fought tooth and nail to escape Eddie Kingston with his AEW World Championship intact (skip to the end for more on that), the Lucha Bros showed up to punish him for it. Will Hobbs, Ricky Starks, and Darby Allin all joined in and the ring descended into chaos. Ricky Starks driving Darby’s own skateboard into his body while Kingston lovingly cradled Mox’s head and also bashed it in was a particularly strong look for the heels.

And yeah, admittedly seeing Kingston’s guys team up with Ricky and Taz, who had previously been allied with Jake Roberts and Lance Archer, did seem like a last minute change related to the COVID-19 outbreak (we know Lance Archer is sick, and Jake, Cage, and the Butcher and Blade are all conspicuously missing too). On the other hand, this did build the ongoing feud between Starks and Allin, and I’m kind of down with all the heel teams working together when it serves them. They’re nothing if not opportunists.

Runners Up

Candice LeRae beat up Tegan Nox to keep her out of the Number One Contender Women’s Battle Royal, which didn’t seem all that necessary since Tegan just recently had a title shot. I guess it was just about continuing their storyline and generally reminding everyone how nasty Candice is these days.

Matt Jackson smashed Tony Schiavone’s phone and then dismissively tossed money at him to buy a new one, which furthered the “Wow, the Young Bucks are terrible people now” story. And yeah, I know if you followed the Bucks’ indie career, it doesn’t seem like much of a revelation for them to be jerks, but keep in mind they’ve been presented as heroes essentially since AEW started.

Johnny Gargano showed up after Damian Priest’s match to superkick him, and also followed Candice around being a jerk to everybody but her. Johnny really is the best loving but terrible husband in wrestling, at least since Eddie Edwards told Alisha, “I love you baby but I’m going to go out in the woods and murder Sami Callihan with a big stick, whether you like it or not.”

Best Enormous Charismatic Bruiser: Miro

Miro’s in-ring debut wasn’t necessarily the greatest match. I like everyone involved in it, but there were definitely some sloppy moments and missed calls. Nevertheless, Miro himself looked amazing. He’s possibly more jacked than he’s ever been, and he can throw guys like Joey Janela and Sonny Kiss around the ring like rag dolls with wiffle balls for heads.

Plus he still has that Rusev magic that just makes you love him, even when he’s putting a guy you like in the hold that JR accidentally called the Accolade before being reminded that it’s called Game Over now. Related, I love that Miro has a gamer gimmick in AEW. The truth is, he doesn’t need a “big scary Eastern European guy” gimmick, because he’s literally a big scary Eastern European guy. Let him have more personality on top of that; nobody’s going to forget he’s a badass.

Runners Up

Ridge Holland had a squash match on NXT, which was a good reminder of what a badass he is as well. Also, I hope he gets to have some fun in NXT before Vince McMahon catches a glimpse at what his body looks like and decides Raw needs him that very day. In any case, I do think he’s better suited for American NXT than NXT UK, because being English seems to be part of his gimmick. Over there when he comes out in a schoolboy cap it’s like, “Look, he’s wearing a hat,” but in Orlando it’s more like, “Look, he’s a tough English guy!”

Bronson Reed also had a good run in the Eliminator Gauntlet match that main-evented NXT, even though he didn’t make it to the end. He still got lots of spots to show off his strength and skill. I have to admit, I’m a little sad that his “Thicc Boi” nickname has been replaced with “Colossal,” which seems a lot more generic. I suppose somebody (maybe Bronson himself, maybe someone backstage) probably decided Thicc Boi wasn’t intimidating enough, which like, sure. It was fun though.

Best Inevitable Victory by a Scary Bearded Man: Brodie Lee Defeats Orange Cassidy

I’ve already seen some controversy about this match, but I really liked it. Cassidy’s been looking great after winning his feud with Jericho, but it wouldn’t have made any sense for him to win the TNT Championship off of Brodie so soon after Brodie squashed Cody Rhodes for it. Plus, this loss establishes that AEW is not strapping a rocket to Orange’s back for the moment. We’ve established that he’s a legit (if lazy) wrestler who can win a match when he’s really motivated, but that doesn’t mean he should win every match.

I really enjoyed Cassidy’s dismissive treatment of the Dark Order, dropping his jacket on John Silver and putting his glasses on Anna Jay, but I also liked Brodie Lee looking like a monster with no patience for nonsense. Of course he is the leader of the Dark Order, which is mostly nonsense in its own right, but as a pro wrestling heel whose gimmick is being a religious leader, it only makes sense for him to be a big hypocrite.

Runners Up

Tommaso Ciampa handily defeated Jake Atlas. I love that mask Ciampa wears to the ring (somebody put Retribution in touch with Ciampa’s mask guy), and Ciampa’s always at his best when he’s a heartless monster. I do like Jake Atlas, too, and I look forward to a day when he gets to do more than this, but in the meantime, he’s perfect for the job.

Best Climb Up The Chaos Ladder: Candice LeRae

Candice, now a fully evolved Poison Pixie who enters in cute little wings, used a pretty messy Women’s Battle Royal to become the Number One Contender to Io Shirai’s NXT Women’s Championship. This was far from my favorite NXT Battle Royal (they’re usually very good at them, so that’s a high standard), but Candice winning was great. Not only will it lead to a really strong match at TakeOver in a couple of weeks, but it gives Candice and her terrible husband something else to be terrible about.

Runners Up

Kyle O’Reilly similarly became he Number One Contender to Finn Bálor’s NXT Championship by winning the Eliminator Gauntlet Match. That wasn’t quite as chaotic as a Battle Royal, but it did enable O’Reilly to come in and win after Bronson Reed had done a lot of the hard work.

Isiah Kassidy of Private Party spoke up during a confrontation between Matt Hardy and Chris Jericho, and got himself a match with Le Champion for next week. Kassidy’s not actually great at talking yet, but I didn’t mind hearing him because that’s how he’ll get better. Later in the show Jericho was asked about it and he said something like, “I like Isiah Kassidy, and he’s going to be a huge star some day in the future … but not next week.” There’s nothing quite so powerful as a heel who tells the truth.

Best Weird Nonsense: Sherlock Dango’s Tag Team Master Plan

With his deerstalker hat and pipe, Fandango mapped out a plan to find a contender for his and Tyler Breeze’s NXT Tag Team Championship. It didn’t make any sense to William Regal (or us at home) until Danny Burch translated it into British English (which was even more incomprehensible to us Americans). It turned out to be a tag match in which Danny Burch teamed up with Roddy Strong to take on Fabian Aichner and Raul Mendoza. Danny and Rody won, which means that next week they’ll fight for the chance to face Breezango at TakeOver. Nobody ever really made it clear if that will be a singles match or if Oney and Fish will show back up for a tag match, but honestly that probably depends on who does and doesn’t have COVID.

Runners Up

NXT also had a weird segment in night vision (and possibly digitally animated — that mystery person didn’t look terribly real when they moved). It seems to be somebody returning, and a lot of speculation is that it might be Bo Dallas. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen that guy, and even longer since he’s had much to do, so it will be interesting if that’s true. In any case, the mystery person is due at TakeOver on October 4, so we’ll see who it is soon enough.

Best Promo: Mister Brodie Lee

Cody Rhodes made his return (with dark hair and a dark suit) after the Orange/Brodie match, to renew his feud with Lee and the Dark Order. Brodie was so furious that he stormed backstage to rant about it. Anna Jay pushing Dasha Gonzalez out of the way was a great touch, too. Brodie wants to have a dog collar match, which is exactly the kind of 1980s Southern hardcore wrestling that Cody’s in love with, so I’m pretty sure he’s going to accept.

Runners Up

Eddie Kingston had another great promo this week too. He could have won this category, but honestly I’m worried that if I let that happen I’ll just start giving it to him every week. Still, that stuff about how he and Mox used to be similar before Mox sold his soul to become a Sports Entertainer was great. It’s not about putting down WWE, it’s about using WWE to put down Moxley.

Io Shirai didn’t get to say much before she was interrupted by Candice LeRae, but I have to give her points for directness: “I’ve never liked Candice. Never have, never will.” Most of the rest of what she said was in Japanese, but the emotions came through, which is why letting wrestlers cut promos in their native languages works. It also gave Gargano the chance to say “I don’t know what you’re saying, lady, but I don’t like the sound of it,” which was golden.

Tully Blanchard and FTR had a great talk segment too, where they no-sold SCU’s fame and then called the Best Friends outdoor comedy wrestlers. That led the Best Friends to come out and challenge them to a match right then, and Chuck called FTR “weenies” when they begged off.

Damian Priest had a good backstage promo over on NXT. I think I’m starting to get that guy’s charisma, which is exciting. Isaiah “Swerve” Scott had a solid promo too, as did Ridge Holland. Honestly I didn’t understand everything Ridge said, but I feel like that’s really on me as an American.

Best Match: Eddie Kingston vs Jon Moxley

This main event match had to be booked at the last minute after Lance Archer came down with COVID, but these two facing off was immediately exciting, and King’s aforementioned promo early in the show only increased my anticipation.

No matter what Eddie said about Mox being a sports entertainer now, this was a hard-hitting brawl between two guys who hit hell of hard. As unlikely as it seemed that Kingston could possibly win the belt, he fought like hell and convinced you it was a real possibility. One day Eddie’s going to come for that belt again, and win it, and he’s going to make a hell of a champion.

Runners Up

The Gauntlet Eliminator Match on NXT was actually really solid and fun. It worked a bit like a Royal Rumble but with no over-the-top-rope elimination. Trying to get a pinfall or submission on somebody while a bunch of other randos are in the ring with you is that much harder, and it led to fun spots like Bronson Reed carrying two guys on his back.

Hangman Adam Page had a solid match against Evil Uno, who was more impressive as a singles wrestler than I expected. Also after all those months of tag team angst, I love seeing Page start to rack up singles wins. This guy’s best days are 100 percent ahead of him.

Finally, AEW’s one women’s match was Hikaru Shida and Thunder Rosa teaming up against Ivelisse and Diamante. Rosa accidentally hit Shida at one point, but Shida didn’t turn on her for it, which might make her the smartest person in pro wrestling. I think this might be Thunder Rosa’s last AEW appearance, but I do hope she returns at some point. Also, Ivelisse and Diamante are literally on the show every week, so maybe it’s time to sign them?

That’s all for this week. Join me next week, for more of the best and worst of Pandemic Booking.