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With the release of Bill & Ted Face the Music only two weeks away, Weezer has a brand new music video for the time-traveling, hard-rocking adventure. Titled “Beginning of the End (Wyld Stallyns Edit),” the video features the catchy Weezer tune and an absolute smorgasbord of footage from Bill & Ted Face the Music. If you don’t like spoilers for your music video, maybe skip this next sentence, but Alex Winter’s Bill and Keanu Reeves’ Ted also stop by the band’s set and invite Weezer to open for the Wyld Stallions — but only if they’re down with playing covers.

The Weezer video kicks off the announcement of the official Bill & Ted Face the Music soundtrack from 1oK Projects, which features songs from Cold War Kids, Mastodon, and of course, the Wyld Stallions.

Here’s the official soundtrack listing via Variety:

Big Black Delta – “Lost in Time”

Alec Wigdahl – “Big Red Balloon”

Weezer – “Beginning Of The End (Wyld Stallyns Edit)”

Cold War Kids – “Story Of Our Lives”

Mastodon – “Rufus Lives”

Big Black Delta – “Circuits Of Time”

POORSTACY – “Darkest Night”

Lamb Of God – “The Death Of Us”

FIDLAR – “Breaker”

Culture Wars – “Leave Me Alone”

Blame My Youth – “Right Where You Belong”

Wyld Stallyns (feat. Animals As Leaders, Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah) – “Face The Music”

Wyld Stallyns – “That Which Binds Us Through Time: The Chemical, Physical and Biological Nature of Love; an Exploration of The Meaning of Meaning, Part 1”

Originally set to hit big and small screens on September 1, the film recently saw its release date moved up, which is a rare treat during these pandemic times when nobody knows how or when most movies are going to see the light of day.

Bill & Ted Face the Music hits theaters and VOD on August 28.

The donut is a near-perfect dessert. For starters, it’s fried dough — which sort of automatically makes it delicious. It also often comes in a perfectly circular shape — and who isn’t a fan of symmetry? Plus, the variations! You can go basic, with cheap sugar icing and rainbow-colored sugar sprinkles, or get as snobby as you want and opt for more “culinary” donuts topped with fresh fruit and organic ingredients. There are cake donuts, glazed donuts, jelly-filled donuts, donuts with cereal on top, donut twists, donut holes…

F***ING BACON DONUTS!

Sorry, I got a little overexcited there. Point being, the donut is a culinary canvas for an infinite number of wild dessert/ breakfast ideas, which is why it’s no surprise that Krispy Kreme — probably the most famous donut chain nationwide next to Dunkin’ — has linked up with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups every year since 2017 in an effort to craft the perfect combination of the two beloved snacks. This year, instead of dropping a fourth iteration of their collaboration, Krispy Kreme is mixing it up a bit. They’re serving up all three Reese’s Krispy Kreme donuts for a limited time, to give fans the chance to single out which year’s donut deserves a permanent place on the menu.

Naturally, we had to throw our two cents into the mix. And you’d better believe we have pretty strong opinions about which of these three donuts — 2017’s Classic Reese’s Donut, 2018’s Reese’s Outrageous Donut, or 2019’s Reese’s Original Filled Chocolate Lovers Donut — deserve that permanent menu spot. If you disagree with our pick (which would be insane) you can vote by tagging @krispykreme across your social accounts this weekend.

3rd Place: Reese’s Filled Chocolate Lovers

2019’s Krispy Kreme Reese’s Original Filled Chocolate Lovers Donut ranked last for us. It’s not bad, it is a donut, after all. But it may be proof that Krispy Kreme is running out ideas on how to utilize the Reese’s name. A chocolate ring makes up the base of this donut, which is dipped in Hershey’s icing (you’ll actually be able to tell its Hersey’s, which is cool) filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter Kreme, and topped off with some Reese’s peanut butter icing.

This just doesn’t really scream “Chocolate Lovers” to us. It’s certainly chocolate cake, but with the peanut butter filling and minimalist three-stripe peanut butter icing on top, this feels more like peanut butter’s show than chocolate’s. While the flavors combine nicely (hence the success of Reese’s), with the peanut butter acting as a sweet contrast to the semi-bitter chocolate, this donut just left us underwhelmed.

Don’t worry, it gets much better from here.

2nd Place: Reese’s Outrageous

We went back and forth on 2018’s Reese’s Outrageous donut quite a bit. On appearance alone, it was the clear winner. When someone says “Reese’s donut,” you won’t necessarily imagine the Reese’s Pieces toppings, but the Reese’s Outrageous Donut is probably pretty close to what comes to mind. At the very least, the Reese’s Pieces act as a visual signifier that you’re about to experience a Reese’s donut, something 2019’s Filled Chocolate Lovers didn’t have going for it.

Diving into the donut, you’ll find a soft, yeasty chocolate ring dipped in Hershey’s chocolate, with the Pieces adding some crunch and texture to play off of the sponginess of the donut. While the contrasting textures are the first thing your mouth will notice, once the flavors begin to work their way across your palate you’ll begin to understand why they called this one “Outrageous.”

The combination of Hershey’s chocolate and the crunchy chocolate and peanut butter filled Reese’s pieces is an intense combination of flavors in itself — this donut will make you feel like a Reese’s lover, at the very least — but the whole thing is really pulled together by the salty caramel peanut butter drizzle on top. Those toasted notes of caramel and that creamy hint of peanut butter help to add some complexity to the donut that makes this feel less like a Frankensteinian collision of brands, and more a legitimate snack worthy of your time.

We wouldn’t be mad if this one takes the permanent spot!

1st Place: Reese’s Classic

Which brings us to the final and best tasting Reese’s donut Krispy Kreme has ever made — and it also happens to be the first. Krispy Kreme really knocked it out of the park with 2017’s Classic Reese’s Donut. And it’s not even a ring!

While the Outrageous definitely meets the visual expectations, at the end of the day that one just feels like an expensive chocolate-sprinkled donut with Reese’s pieces instead of sprinkles. The Reese’s Classic tastes like an actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in donut form and that experience is one we want to enjoy. Over and over.

FaZe Clan, the popular esports organization that has built up a gigantic following across a number of video games and content creation platforms, is getting into the movie industry. The organization announced on Thursday that a series of feature films starring FaZe Clan personalities are on the horizon, with details about the first movie already trickling out.

FaZe Clan member FaZe Rug, who joined the group in 2012 and has the distinction of being its most followed personality (16 million YouTube subscribers, 11 million combined Instagram/TikTok/Twitter followers), will star in the project. It will be directed by Gregory Plotkin, whose Hollywood credits as an editor include the Paranormal Activity franchise, Get Out, and Game Night.

“I am beyond excited to star in my first film!” says FaZe Rug, whose real name is Brian Awadis, in a statement. “This is a dream come true for me. The idea to blend the world of YouTube content into traditional films is a creative adventure that I’m so proud to be a part of.”

There’s no word on a specific release date (outside of sometime later this year) or a name for the project, which will occur in conjunction with Invisible Narratives. We do know that it will be written by Simon Boyes, while Adam Goodman and Andrew Sugerman of Invisible Narratives and Lee Trink and Nikhil Jayaram of FaZe Clan will have producer credits.

“It’s his time and it’s our time,” Trink said in a statement. “This is the moment where YouTube and Hollywood finally collide. Not only do we have an incredible team and thoughtful concept to take the leap from the smallest screen to the largest screen, FaZe Rug is also the perfect lead actor to kick it off.”

The 2020 MTV VMAs are set to take place in just a couple weeks, which means the entertainment world is about to be really focused on music videos. That makes now a perfect time for Obsessed hosts and pop culture fanatics Taylour Chanel and Britt Ellis to discuss them, as they both have experience in the nuts and bolts of that industry.

The pair have spent their fair share of time working on videos in various capacities, which gives them fascinating insight about how a visual goes from idea to finished product. Chanel (who has worked as a make-up artist on videos) admits that no matter how great the final video turns out, from her perspective, there’s usually doubt about how good it actually is until it’s finished: “Almost every single music video I do, I’m like, ‘What am I… What have I done? What have I done? What have I said yes to?’ And then the music video comes out and I’m like, ‘That was tight, that was it.’”

Ellis and Chanel also spoke with guest Christine Yuan, who has directed videos for artists like Summer Walker and GoldLink. She explained how competitive even getting a gig can be, as she’s often trying to have her ideas chosen over those from 50 other people. Once you get the job, though, it won’t necessarily be anything like previous gigs. Musicians have different ideas and personalities, so Yuan notes that working on set is all about “responding to the energy of the artist.”

There are plenty of other great tidbits that came from from the three experts sharing their unique perspectives, so check out the full episode above.

More than five months have passed since the NBA’s non-bubble squads got to play organized basketball, and it appears those teams are finally nearing an agreement with the Players’ Association to form a clean site in their home markets that would allow them to resume five-on-five practices and full-team training as soon as next month.

Initially, these eight non-bubble teams were in talks to put together their own bubble in some host city, but those talks fell through. The compromise, as reported by Shams Charania of The Athletic, appears to be a strict public health regimen in teams’ home markets.

Since about June, players have been able to access team training facilities for physical therapy and medical attention, as well as individual shooting and workouts, but have been forced to physically distance from coaches and teammates. By paying for daily testing, the league will be able to create for these teams a modified “bubble” where they can be safer coming into close contact with one another.

As Adrian Wojnarowski noted, the absence of Summer League is being felt particularly strongly by young, building teams.

So while it will be nice for recovering players like Klay Thompson and Steph Curry to get up and down the court after a long break, it’ll be equally, if not more, important for a lottery team to continue building player chemistry and installing their system, even if it does appear to be for only three weeks.

When the market for any spirit grows saturated, people will soon start identifying overhyped and overrated expressions. Partially because the competition is improving the overall quality and “good” bottles slide down that ranking to “mediocre.” Partially because branding occasionally helps the wrong bottles get mainstream love. And partially because of plain, old luck. The biggest reason people will trample their grandmothers for a bottle of Pappy is that Anthony Bourdain famously loved the stuff. Then there’s the awards circuit, where some bottles pile up win after win — adding a certain luster.

In 2020, with more expressions on the shelf than ever, there are a lot of bourbons competing for your attention. And yes, some of them seem to get a little too much shine.

That’s not to say any of the bottles below are bad. What we mean is that you shouldn’t limit yourself. Whiskey is about exploring and we’re encouraging you to do just that. As drinkers and aficionados, we have a real love for the art of whiskey making and the craftspeople producing it — hating on expressions isn’t fun for us. So for each bourbon that we’re calling out as overhyped below, we’re also naming another (cheaper) bottle as a solid alternative.

Bulleit Bourbon

ABV: 45%
Distillery: Four Roses Distillery, Lawrenceburg, KY (Diageo)
Average Price: $30

The Bottle:

It was almost impossible to get away from this whiskey at one point. That’s not some grave injustice — this is a perfectly fine bourbon, for what it is. The whiskey is sourced from the Four Roses Distillery (for now) and then aged at Bulleit’s facilities, adding their own mark on the juice. That being said, recent controversies and that over-saturation have taken some of the sparkle off of this expression.

What To Buy Instead: Four Roses Yellow Label

In my humble opinion, this is just as fine as Bulleit and about $10 cheaper. And given that the juice is coming from the same place, you’re within reason switching these out for each other.

George T. Stagg

ABV: 58.45%
Distillery: Buffalo Trace Distillery, Frankfort, KY (Sazerac)
Average Price: $500

The Bottle:

Look, if you want to spend $500 on a bottle, we’re not going to stop you. But whiskey can only get so good, right? This release from the Buffalo Trace’s yearly Antique Collection is a very fine bottle that’s incredibly well-crafted. But this price tag is more for investment than drinking if we’re being brutally honest.

What To Buy Instead: Stagg, Jr.

You can buy six of these bottles for the price of one George T. Stagg. And you know you’re still getting a great bourbon. Stagg, Jr. has been cleaning up the awards recently and is, itself, about to go into a shortage situation. That also means that this bottle isn’t going to stay this cheap for much longer.

Angel’s Envy Bourbon

ABV: 43.3%
Distillery: Angel’s Envy Distillery, Louisville, KY
Average Price: $50

The Bottle:

Angel’s Envy does some great work in aging whiskey. Many would argue — myself included — that this expression isn’t the best example of that work. For me, it’s too sweet. Verging on high-fructose pancake syrup. If that’s what you dig in bourbon, please don’t let me stop you from loving this. Still, I find their more adventurous and refined expressions to be what people are really talking about when they name drop this brand.

What To Buy Instead: Angels Envy Rum Cask Rye

And this expression is exactly what I’m talking about. This dram is a really lovely sip. The use of Plantation XO rum casks that previously held Cognac makes for a wholly unique experience in bourbon that’s worth every cent.

Blanton’s

ABV: 46.5%
Distillery: Buffalo Trace Distillery, Frankfort, KY (Sazerac)
Average Price: $85

The Bottle:

This is a cool looking bottle with very fine bourbon inside of it. But when it comes to Buffalo Trace, there are so, so many great bottles to choose from that are, frankly, cheaper than this. In the end, it kind of feels like you’re paying a premium to collect little horses for behind your bar.

What To Buy Instead: Buffalo Trace Bourbon

This is one of the best deals in all of the bourbon world, in my opinion. This is a well-rounded bourbon that works as a sipper on the rocks or a cocktail base. The fact that you can basically get three bottles for one Blanton’s seals the deal for me.

Rebel Yell

ABV: 40%
Distillery: Lux Row Distillers, Bardstown, KY (Luxco)
Average Price: $18

The Bottle:

Sorry, but I can’t get past the name of this brand. It feels like a statue that needs to fall. We live in a world where NASCAR gets that message, it’s time this whiskey did too.

What To Buy Instead: Ezra Brooks Bourbon

Sticking with Luxco and a similar price range, Ezra Brooks gets the job done. This whiskey isn’t going to knock your socks off but at least it’s not directly associated with the Confederacy.

Kings County Bourbon

ABV: 45%
Distillery: Kings County Distillery, Brooklyn, NY
Average Price: $45 (half bottle)

The Bottle:

This is the entry I sweated over the most. I really like the juice this craft distillery puts out. But it’s really hard to get past the price point for half bottles. It’s not a deal-breaker, but it does create a pause where you wonder if it’s worth it.

What To Buy Instead: Kings County Distillery Peated Bourbon

Here’s my pitch: If you’re going to pay $30 to $40 for a flask of whiskey, that whiskey had better be something truly special. King County’s Peated Bourbon matches that ideal. This is a special whiskey that’s changing minds about what bourbon can be by adding in peaty malted barley with the corn.

This bourbon opened up a whole new world of flavors for me when it comes to bourbon and it will for you too.

Old Grand-dad

ABV: 40%
Distillery: Jim Beam, Clermont, KY (Beam Suntory)
Average Price: $20

The Bottle:

This is a solid, cheap bottle of bourbon. No one’s arguing that point. Yet we’re not here to talk about rail shooters or cheap cocktail bases. People love the throwback labeling and idea of the bottle, and that’s perfectly fine. But at the end of the day, it’s just a standard bourbon that’s no different than many, many others.

What To Buy Instead: Jim Beam

Call me crazy, but Jim Beam doesn’t get the love it deserves. Maybe because it’s so huge or because Jim Beam puts out so many other expressions that get lauded by drinkers and pros. Still, this is a great workhorse bourbon that sets the bar for what solid, cheap bourbon should and can be.

Bib & Tucker Small Batch Tennessee Bourbon

ABV: 46%
Distillery: Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits
Average Price: $50

The Bottle:

This is probably the only bourbon I think should be cheaper than it is. Basically, if this was closer to $30 a bottle, it wouldn’t be on this list. The expression is well-crafted but, let’s face it, there are scores of $30 bourbons that are just as well-crafted from big international brands and small local independents.

What To Buy Instead: Redemption Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Case in point, Redemption from the same shingle is equal in every way at the $30 price point. This high-rye bourbon is also an award winner that hits the right balance of depth and accessibility in both taste and price.

Evan Williams

ABV: 43%
Distillery: Heaven Hill Distillery, Bardstown, KY
Average Price: $15

The Bottle:

Bartenders tend to love this bottle. It’s cheap, meaning profit margins really pop when you keep this one on the rail. And it’s fine. I’ve called it out a lot in the past as a great cheap bourbon. But we all need to stop pretending this is something more than it is. It’s a workhorse bourbon that you take shots of and chase with a beer.

What To Buy Instead: Evan Williams Bottled-In-Bond

There are a lot of great brands to call out at Heaven Hill. But for this exercise, we don’t even need to call out a different brand. Evan Williams Bottled-in-Bond — or White Label — is a big step up. One, it has a higher ABV (50%). Two, it’s legitimately more flavorful and works better as a cocktail base. That should be enough to lay down a few extra dollars for this bottle.

Pappy 23

ABV: 47.8%
Distillery: Buffalo Trace Distillery, Frankfort, KY (Sazerac)
Average Price: $2,500

The Bottle:

There’s no way this list couldn’t end up talking about this particular bottle. No bottle of whiskey is worth $2,500. Sadly, the MSRP of this bottle is only $300. That’s a shame because us mere mortals will probably never get a chance to pay that much for this bottle. If we could, then this bourbon 100 percent lives up to the hype and is absolutely a bourbon worth celebrating.

What To Buy Instead: Weller Special Reserve Bourbon

For now, Weller Special Reserve is the play if you want to get in on the wheated bourbon action from Buffalo Trace. These whiskeys come from the same stills and rickhouses. They’re damn near twins. But people are catching on to that fact and Weller isn’t going to stay this cheap much longer.

The final season of Game of Thrones, particularly the last episode, was, to put it mildly, divisive for audiences. After eight seasons of the hit HBO series, fans were disappointed, if not downright angry with the conclusion to the epic tale of dragons, deceit, and frozen zombie invasions. While most people were content with voicing their displeasure on social media and moving on with their lives, a gathering of hardcore fans decided to lay siege to HBO by launching a petition that demands the eighth season be entirely remade with new writers.

While the overzealous fan petition faded into the background after being ruthlessly mocked on Twitter, it’s making headlines again after Game of Thrones star Nikolaj Coster-Waldau recently revealed that he almost donated to the fan campaign. Although, Coster-Waldau’s interest in the petition mostly comes from a place of amusement and not from wanting a different ending to the series. Specifically, he’d love to see the look on HBO’s face if they actually had to remake the final season. Via Variety:

“I was aware of the petition for a new ending, which I thought was hilarious. I almost wanted to donate to that petition. HBO saying, ‘You’re right, so many people want it, we’re going to do it.’ I think everyone had their own opinion. I find the world of fandom really interesting. Everyone wanted something specific and different from what they got. It’s a combination of — you imagine an ending; but also, I think if you’re a hardcore fan, it was really upsetting that it ended. You lived with this for eight seasons.”

However, when asked how’d he end the series, Coster-Waldau started to indicate that he has ideas of his own, but then quickly went the more diplomatic route. “How do you end that story?” he ultimately responded. “Let’s talk about this in 10 years, then you can talk about it. But now, I think it’s a little too recent.”

(Via Variety)

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Deafy

The good news here is that Fargo is back. It was almost back months ago, but then everything happened, and the fourth season of FX’s anthology crime series got put on hold like every other project that had not been finished by March of this year. But again, it’s back, again, starring Chris Rock and debuting in September and dropping this new switchblade-filled teaser as a promise that it is really, finally happening.

This is good news for a number of reasons. It’s good news because Fargo is a good show. It’s good news because there’s a vast television wasteland on the horizon as the production shutdowns catch up to what’s already aired, and a season of Fargo can help hold that off for at least a little while. And it’s good news because the new season looks cool as heck, from both the teaser and the official description, which I will now blockquote
.

In 1950, at the end of two great American migrations — that of Southern Europeans from countries like Italy, who came to the US at the turn of the last century and settled in northern cities like New York, Chicago — and African Americans who left the south in great numbers to escape Jim Crow and moved to those same cities — you saw a collision of outsiders, all fighting for a piece of the American dream. In Kansas City, Missouri, two criminal syndicates have struck an uneasy peace. One Italian, one African American. Together they control an alternate economy — that of exploitation, graft and drugs. This too is the history of America. To cement their peace, the heads of both families have traded their youngest sons.

Chris Rock plays the head of one family, a man who — in order to prosper — has surrendered his youngest boy to his enemy, and who must in turn raise his enemy’s son as his own. It’s an uneasy peace, but profitable. And then the head of the Kansas City mafia goes into the hospital for routine surgery and dies. And everything changes. It’s a story of immigration and assimilation, and the things we do for money. And as always, a story of basically decent people who are probably in over their heads. You know, Fargo.

But mostly, this is all good news — for me, at least — because it means we get to have the discussion about the fantastic collection of character names the show has given us so far. It started right away, back in season one, with a demonic hitman named Lorne Malvo and a Minnesota cop named Molly Solverson. The second season gave us a slew of additional Solversons and added a teenage butcher shop employee named Noreen Vanderslice, a drunk lawyer named Karl Weathers (with a K), Gale and Wayne Kitchen, Constance Heck, and, I swear to God, a man named Skip Sprang. The third season somehow topped both of those, thanks in large part to a season-long game of cat and mouse between a hustler named Nikki Swango and a cop named Gloria Burgle, with a Donnie Mashman and a Ruby Goldfarb sprinkled in here and there. I really must insist you read all of these names out loud at some point this weekend. They are a real treat for your entire mouth, from the soft mushy consonants of Lorne Malvo to the carnival ride of Nikki Swango. You deserve this.

And when you’re done with that, take a gander at the list of names in this upcoming fourth season. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself but I really think these could be the best yet. Chris Rock plays Loy Cannon. There’s a Thurman Smutney and a Constant Calamita and a Zelmare Roulette. There’s an Odis Weff and a Josto Fadda and a Swanee Capps. There is, for some reason that I can’t wait to discover, a person named Doctor Senator, which is somehow more perplexing to me than the fact that the second season featured a full-on alien visitation.

I love all of them very much. The one I love the most, though, is the character who will be played by Timothy Olyphant: a U.S. Marshal named Dick “Deafy” Wickware. Dick “Deafy” Wickware! At first glance, it might lack the showmanship of the others. It’s not the smorgasbord of syllables that Constant Calamita is. But again, say it out loud. Do it right now. Do it quietly if there are people around who might judge you for it, but do it. Hit the hard consonants extra hard. Make a meal out of “Deafy,” a completely unnecessary addition to the already perfect U.S. Marshal Dick Wickware that somehow puts a ribbon on the entire thing. Dick “Deafy” Wickware. I can’t stop saying it now. I’m not joking. I’ve been saying it over and over out loud as I type this paragraph. Right now I’m enjoying the Wickware of it all. I can’t wait to hear a character say it out loud on the show.

Dick “Deafy” Wickware.

Dick “Deafy” Wickware.

Dick “Deafy” Wickware.

I missed you so much, Fargo.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — Listen to Mike Schur, always

Mike Schur created Parks and Recreation and The Good Place, co-created The Office, and was a big part of the team behind Fire Joe Morgan, quite possibly the best website in the history of the internet. He is smart and funny and kind and thoughtful. He is at least partially responsible for the screencap you see above, in which Ted Danson pretends to be a dance troupe leader named Zach Pizazz. I point all of these things out for two reasons: One, when Mike Schur talks, it’s generally a good idea to hear him out; two, it is infuriating to me that he is good at so many things, which proves that he is more kind than I am again, which makes me upset that I’m being jealous and petty, which just spins the cycle around again.

He spoke to Vulture’s Jen Chaney this week about the final season of The Good Place and about a dozen other things, including the one I want to discuss: The process of improving yourself. The context here is the recent controversy over bad old tweets by longtime Parks and Good Place writer Megan Amram, but the general theme applies on a much more broad level.

The theme of the show is, “Look, you’re going to blow it sometimes. You’re going to make mistakes. Everybody does.” So the question isn’t how to avoid making mistakes. The question is, once you make mistakes, how do you go about improving yourself?

In this case, those things she tweeted were, I don’t know, eight, nine years ago. So I knew her not as that person but the person who came after that. And that person has spent pretty much every waking moment of her life fighting for LGBTQ rights and radical equality among all people in the world, especially marginalized people, women, and gay people. So when it came out, it was like, “Well, the advice that I would give you is the advice that you’ve not only already taken but have actually been acting on for the last nine years, which is to be a better person than that.”

I like this a lot. It’s a good policy, and it’s one I’ve touched on before. If we always hold each other to the worst things we’ve done, there’s no point in any of us trying to improve ourselves. Improving yourself a little bit every day — or at least trying to — is the whole point of being alive. Yes, it’s important that people apologize for past bad acts and do the work to move forward. Yes, it’s fair to say “Hey, this thing was kind of messed up. Do you still feel that way?” But it’s also okay to look at the person in front of you and decide if that person has grown and changed since they did or said the crappy thing. It’s not good or healthy for all of us to be stuck in a non-stop game of gotcha with each other, like we’re all the kind of gross political hacks who make the kind of gross attack ads we all complain about every other fall. Sometimes it’s okay to accept someone’s apology, thank them for not being that person anymore, and move along with your own life.

There’s too much bad stuff worth fighting against to spend all our time ripping each other to shreds. Try to get better, let other people try to get better, eat more onion rings. These are the pillars of a happy life.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — JOHN BRONCO

You know what I like? I’ll tell you. I like Walton Goggins. I like the HBO Wimbledon mockumentary 7 Days in Hell. I like completely insane things that have no reason other than “because it is funny and awesome.” And so, with that said, I give you the first teaser and the official description for John Bronco, a completely insane thing starring Walton Goggins and directed by the director of 7 Days in Hell, Jake Szymanski.

Some have said that if you were famous before the internet, you might as well never have existed. Such is the case for John Bronco, the greatest pitchman who ever lived. In 1966, Ford tapped him to race their new prototype SUV at the Baja 500 in Mexico. Not only did he win, but he gave a rousing speech that rallied a nation. Legend has it that Ford named the new car “Bronco” after John, made him the face of their campaign and skyrocketed him to stardom. His commercials were on every channel and his jingle went triple-platinum. John launched his own cologne, breakfast cereal, video game, action figure, you name it. He was the very embodiment of the American dream, that is, until it all came crashing down

We are all watching John Bronco. To be fair, I would be saying this about almost any project titled John Bronco, including but not limited to a CBS procedural about a hotshot Colorado defense attorney who plays by his own rules but has a rock-solid moral core under his wild playboy exterior, but it’s especially true here. It’s got so many things I like. And it has Tim Meadows in it. You know what other projects had Tim Meadows in them? Walk Hard and Popstar. Am I saying this will be as good as both of those? No. Maybe. I don’t know. But it looks really good on paper, though.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — There is no limit to the amount of “James Gandolfini loved Green Day” content I will consume

It was only a short time ago that we all learned about Sopranos star James Gandolfini’s deep love for the Green Day album Dookie. This was a thrilling and profoundly upsetting development. Thrilling because, like, have any of us stopped hearing Green Day songs in James Gandolfini’s voice in our heads ever since? And profoundly upsetting because he’s gone and we cannot ask him 40,000 questions about this news. Real twister of a factoid, this one.

That’s why I am both happy and deeply sorry to tell you the story has a new development. Michael Imperioli, the person who broke the news the first time in an Instagram comment, provided an update to Stereogum.

“Gandolfini would also sing basket case and make up his own lyrics about HBO and the writers and producers of the sopranos,” Imperioli wrote to us. “Usually when he was feeling overworked and overexposed, and his lyrics would reflect that. Some of the more musical crew members would add a verse or two. Great fun.”

A few hours later, he followed up: “He also named his dog dookie and used it in his email address.”

[taps microphone, clears throat]

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I keep on seeing ducks
Am I just paranoid?
Or I am just Ton’?

I’m really very sorry about this. Please know the original draft had a whole part about the “went to a shrink to analyze my dreams” line that referenced both Dr. Melfi and Big Pussy. It was awful. So awful that I deleted it for both of our sakes. Substantially worse than the awful thing I did print up there, which is saying something. I have regrets.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — No

This is a difficult subject for me because just last week I wrote a whole thing about how much I’ve missed going to a movie theater this summer, but I’m going to soldier on anyway, to be strong: This is not a good idea.

AMC Theatres, the nation’s largest movie theater chain, will reopen in the U.S. on Aug. 20 with retro ticket prices of 15 cents per movie.

AMC Entertainment, which owns the chain, said Thursday that it expects to open the doors to more than 100 cinemas — or about a sixth of its nationwide locations — on Aug. 20 with throwback pricing for a day.

THE WORLD: It’s probably not safe to sit in an enclosed movie theater for two to three hours during a pandemic, even if relatively strict social distance policies are enforced.

AMC THEATERS: But what if we made it cheaper???

During its opening-day promotion, AMC will show catalog films, including “Ghostbusters,” “Black Panther,” “Back to the Future” and “Grease.” Those older films will continue to play afterward for $5.

Two things worth noting before we move on here:

• The silver lining in all of this is that between the cheap prices and minimal available seats, you could probably buy out an entire theater for a private screening of Ghostbusters or Black Panther for like $5, which is hilarious
• It is always fun for me when AMC makes a weird decision like this because I get to point out that its current CEO was also the CEO of my beloved Philadelphia 76ers when the team made the disastrous 2012 trade for Andrew Bynum, which is also hilarious

I think that’s all I wanted to say on this. Yeah, I’m good.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Joe:

With your possibly (probably) successful prediction that the Fast and Furious franchise will go to space, I wanted to share with you my prediction for the John Wick Franchise. Basically at some point, we get a film called John Wick 10: The Quest to Kill God, where you guessed it, John Wick has to kill God. John, not wanting to do such a thing, gets an audience with the Pope asking what he should do, and the Pope, after reminding John that he is “excommunicado,” pulls out a gun and John Wick has to fight the Pope in the Vatican with all the Vatican guards also trying to kill John. Have either Jude Law or John Malkovich play the Pope so we also get a nice crossover. Needless to say, John wins and he begrudgingly takes on the quest to find and kill God.

This email is good. Almost… too good. It mentions the Fast & Furious movies going to space, it pitches a nutso plot for a John Wick movie, and it references the Young/New Pope universe. It’s so perfectly tailored to my interests that it feels like it might be a trap. Is this a trap, Joe? Are you hacking me? Did you already hack me? Have you had access to everything on my laptop ever since I opened this email earlier in the week? Are you doing cybercrimes to me? ARE YOU? You have to tell me if you are. That’s the law.

If you are not and I am just overreacting, then I apologize for accusing you of malicious intent. It’s just… I mean, come on. You have to see where I’m coming from here. This is almost exactly what a notorious cyberhacker would send as a trick to cybercrime me. It’s got all the pieces. Now I’m getting suspicious about John Bronco, too. That could also be a trap, now that I think about. I’m going to have my head on a swivel all weekend. Can’t be too careful.

The funny thing in all of this, even if it is a trap: I still want to see this Pope-based John Wick movie. Badly. I’m not a complicated man.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Germany!

A nudist in Berlin got too close to nature for comfort when a wild boar snatched his plastic bag – which had his laptop inside.

You have undoubtedly seen these photos floating around if you’ve spent any amount of time on social media in the past week. If you have not, please click that link and go look at them now. A naked man chasing a boar that stole his laptop is high comedy. I don’t care who you are. That’s just pure humor.

Let’s learn more.

While the man was bathing, [the photographer] writes, the boars calmly ate a pizza from his backpack and then “they were looking for a dessert”.

“They found this yellow bag and decided to take it away. But the man who owned it realized it was the bag with his laptop.

This is such a fantastic multi-layered own by these boars. They didn’t just steal his laptop and make him chase them while nude. They ate his pizza and then stole his laptop and made him chase them while nude. I’m kind of… I’m kind of proud of them? I don’t know. Maybe I’m getting carried away. I have a soft spot for rascal swine, what can I say?

The onlookers “adored him how focused he stayed and when he came back with his yellow bag in the hand we all clapped and congratulated him for his success”.

I have a feeling this clapping was more than a little sarcastic. I wish we had the whole thing on video. And speaking of video… GUESS WHAT. This was not the only German boar incident this week. There was a second one! A second German boar incident! Here, look!

I don’t know what has gotten into German boars this summer, but as someone who watched every episode of the short-lived CBS animal revolution drama Zoo, I will say that we should probably keep an eye on this. Just baby steps from this to, well…

The Killers were previously forced to push their upcoming album, Imploding The Mirage, back to a then-undetermined date. Last month, though, they confirmed it will be out soon, writing, “COVID-19 monkey wrenched us. But we persevered. Folks, mark your calendars. ‘Imploding The Mirage’ is out August 21st.” Now, with the album just a week away, the group has shared another preview of it, “Dying Breed.”

The song begins with a krautrock-inspired motorik drum beat before being joined by bass and Brandon Flowers’ vocals. The track continues patiently but persistently before exploding into the high-energy, Springsteen-esque chorus, “From the coveted touch of a girl in love / I was lifted by the sound of a spirit in need / Baby, we’re a dying breed.” “Dying Breed” keeps the tempo up from there and is one of the most exciting tracks from this album cycle so far.

Meanwhile, Flowers recently told the story of the time he apologized to John Mayer after talking sh*t about him, describing an encounter with Mayer and his friends, “I just addressed the whole table, and I was like, ‘I said this about John, and I regret it, man, and I’m sorry.’ He was really gracious about it. The world doesn’t need more negativity.”

Listen to “Dying Breed” above.

Imploding The Mirage is out 8/21 via Island. Pre-order it here.

James Wan’s The Conjuring franchise is still kicking, long after the film’s first movie reaped over $300 million at the global box office. The next upcoming installment, The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, got pushed back to a July 2021 release date (because of you-know-what), but never fear, the demonic doll who stole franchise fans’ hearts (and their souls) is still kicking. She’s not doing so in the way that social media users think that she’s doing today, but she’s still around to scare the bejesus out of us.

Actually, the thought of the possessed artifact somehow busting out of the Warren Occult Museum is the perfect compliment to 2020, but alas, this hasn’t happened, at least not as far as a verifiable source is concerned. Twitter became Ground Zero for rumors that the possessed artifact had gone AWOL.

I mean, why not? This story is less terrifying than the real news, but the O.G. Annabelle doll is apparently safe and sound inside her glass cage. However, her Hollywood counterpart is up to no good. In July, she was spotted by New Line employees while getting restless during quarantine. In this iPhone-shot video, Annabelle gets into trouble, again with the popcorn obsession. She also adds candy to the mix, plays with stuffed animals, and gets rowdy with the Xerox machine. Enjoy the haunting below.