Adam Brody recently appeared on Dax Shepard’s podcast, The Armchair Expert, where they talked about — among other things — Dax nearly replacing Steve on Blue’s Clues, their shared obsession with rocket engineer Jack Parsons, how Brody “back-doored into hunkdom” on The O.C., and working with Vince Vaughn on Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
They also talked about Brody’s work with Dax Shepard’s wife, Kristen Bell, on the Showtime series House of Lies. As Brody explains it, he played the wealthy owner of a dildo company. In fact, they filmed their scenes in an actual dildo factory (and according to Shepard, Bell brought a nice gift bag home).
On the series, Brody also filmed a “love scene” with Bell and Dax Shepard’s, uh … yeah, Bell was pregnant with their daughter.
“Kristen was like eight months pregnant at the time, or at least about as pregnant as you can be,” Brody explained. “And we have a sex scene where we break-up during [the sex scene]. She was on top of me, which is about the only way she can be. It was pretty weird because your child was on my stomach,” Brody told Shepard. “Very, truly on my stomach.”
“When I first talked to you about it,” Shepard laughed, “you described it as ‘my only three-way on camera.’”
“It very much was,” Brody confirmed, although he added that it wasn’t even the most awkward part of that sex scene. “We shoot the close-ups. The three of us [Brody, Bell, and the fetus],” Brody says, “and then for the wide shot, they bring in a 21-year-old stand-in with pasties and she has to sit on me very awkwardly, slowly gyrating for the wide shot, and we’re trying to avoid eye contact. And we’re both like, ‘Uh, hi, nice to meet you.’ It was so brutal for both of us.”
The two also wax poetic about the thankless job of playing a body double for sex scenes. “There is almost no reward,” Shepard said. Brody agreed. “You have no rapport, you don’t know them, and they’re not allowed to speak on camera. It’s just unfortunate.”
Brody can be seen in The Kid Detective in some theaters, although the film should be available on streaming formats soon. It looks surprisingly good.
There’s this notion about white wine, that it’s best enjoyed in the summer. When it’s warm and the sun is beating down. We don’t know why this connotation exists or how it came about, but we do know that it’s not entirely true.
Yes, a zippy Italian Vermentino can be the best solution for cooling down on a scorching day in the middle of July. And sure, nothing quite beats the luxury of sitting poolside with a bottle of Chenin Blanc from South Africa. But these wines and several other white varieties are totally capable of keeping you cozy in the colder months, too. Just like the hideous sweater you wore to last year’s office holiday party.
In fact, there are bottles of Chardonnay and Viognier that can keep you as warm as chestnuts roasting on an open fire. As warm as any whiskey in America (almost).
To help get you in the mood for a few fall and winter white wines, we’ve rounded up a list of the 10 best bottles of white wine to drink right now and on the cold nights to come. The bottles listed below are all under $30, because enjoying quality wine doesn’t necessarily mean you need to break the bank. These selections are also widely available and can be found in retail shops across the country, or you can have them delivered straight to your door by clicking the linked prices.
2019 was an exceptional year for grapes grown in the South of France like this Chardonnay, which is produced in the Languedoc. There was little rain during the spring and summer and the temperatures were particularly hot, yet the grapes maintained good health and displayed their natural acidity during maturation—the point of the winemaking process that occurs after fermenting and before bottling, when the wine usually sits in barrels.
At Mas La Chevaliére — one of the wineries under the Domaine Laroche umbrella — the wine matures in stainless-steel tanks, so there are no signs of oak in the juice. Just 100 percent pure Chardonnay greatness.
Tasting Notes:
The pale-straw wine opens up with the aromas of breakfast grapefruit sprinkled with sugar, while rich flavors of bright and ripe apricot and cantaloupe blanket the palate and balance out the citrusy acidity. The finish is as clean and fresh as the first snow of the season.
Bottom Line:
This is an easy, breezy wine and a great example of what Chardonnay grapes actually taste like. Since it’s matured in steel tanks, there’s no presence of those oaky, toasted vanilla and buttery notes usually associated with Chardonnay, making this one a refreshingly bright change from the rest of what’s on the market.
Sonoma-Cutrer Russian River Ranches Chardonnay 2018
Comprised of grapes grown in Sonoma, California, 85 percent of this Chardonnay is barrel-aged while the other 15 percent is aged in steel tanks. The blend results in a perfect marriage of flavor for a medium-bodied, dry wine that will pair perfectly with those easy sheet-pan dinners like salmon and veggies or takeout favorites like chicken tinga or al pastor tacos.
Tasting Notes:
You know the smell of a fresh-baked lemon butter loaf hot out of the oven? That’s the aroma aerating the glass, while a soft harmony of roasted almonds, Bosc pear, and hints of oak permeate the palate. The short finish, peppered with a slight spice, shocks the back of your throat before it quickly evaporates.
You’ll be pouring your next glass before you even finish your first sip.
Bottom Line:
This isn’t a sweet wine by any means, but it’s just as comforting as fall time baked goods without all the sugar (only 1.80 grams of residual sugar in each bottle!). Sonoma-Cutrer’s humanitarian efforts make this wine even more soothing to the soul. Sales of every bottle of the Russian River Ranches Chardonnay directly support Sonoma-Cutrer’s $100,000 donation to the Restaurant Workers’ Community Foundation, a relief organization helping restaurant workers affected by the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, as well as the winery’s $50,000 pledge to No Kid Hungry, which provides meals to children in need.
It’s when night falls earlier and temperatures drop sharply that we dream of beach days and sorbet sunsets the most. That’s what this wine is. It’s a medium-bodied Sauvignon Blanc and Semillon blend of the warmth and splendor of the beach in a bottle. That shouldn’t be surprising, considering this wine is produced in Margaret River, Australia — near one of the most famous surf breaks on the planet.
Tasting Notes:
This wine is complexly vibrant, with fresh green lime, lemon sorbet, and chalk rock aromas. Yet it’s swirling with melon and a peachiness that creates a creamy texture to balance out that mineral backbone. Nectarine in the lengthy finish makes it a full circle experience, completely washing out the palate with the same acidity that’s noticed on the first sip.
Bottom Line:
This wine is a trip down under without the expensive and long flight. Pair it with a piping hot bowl of spicy laksa — a Southeast Asian favorite found often in Australia — and thank us for the staycation escape.
Sauvignon Blanc grapes grown in the heart of the Loire Valley, in a small region known as Menetou-Salon, make up this classically French wine. True, there is some acidity in this wine, but it’s much gentler than that of the New Zealand and Australian Sauv Blancs of the world. This wine is bright and vibrant while at the same time warm and welcoming — kinda like the folks you love but may not get to see at Friendsgiving this holiday season because… 2020.
Sigh.
Tasting Notes:
This wine is ripe with fruit. Apple and pear radiate on the nose and transition onto the palate while the acidity of the wine is soothed by an herbal touch. Is that a hint of mint lingering in the finish? Yup, that’s exactly what you’re tasting. Pour another glass.
Bottom Line:
This is the wine you buy when you want something fresh and inviting without the bite. Pair it with a hearty salad or drink it by itself.
Made from 100 percent Pinot Gris, grown in the Alsace region of France, this wine is a staple from a family that’s practiced viticulture since 1680. The devotion, passion, and tending of the land and grapes has been passed down from generation to generation, and you can almost taste the heritage in every glass.
Tasting Notes:
This is a fresh and delicate wine that subtly displays aromas of apricot and nectar. Pear is the most dominant feature, although you get a sense of Meyer lemon lending to the mineral structure of the wine. Those expressions combined create an unexpected creaminess. Not too dense, not too bright—a perfect balance of crunchy and soft stone fruit giving way to the right amount of tension in the finish.
Bottom Line:
Take this bottle out of the fridge 15 minutes before you plan to crack it open and let the fresh delicacy of the wine wrap around your tastebuds like a fine-knit quilt.
Unlike the effervescent Vinho Verdes of Portugal, which are often spritzed with a little CO2 before bottling, there’s no fizz in this white wine from the northwestern and coastal villages of Moncao and Melgaco. The result is a richer, fuller, juicy fruit wine kissed with salinity.
Tasting Notes:
Although the plots where this wine is grown are slightly more inland, the grapes are still heavily influenced by the sea. Peach and tropical fruit are most prevalent on the nose while the palate zings with fresh citrus and sea salt. Floral expressions round out the clean and airy finish.
Bottom Line:
Grab a jacket and pound this one on the porch while the sun is out. Take the bottle outside with you. Brisk weather will keep it cold. Be careful though, this wine is so incredibly easy to drink, you may find yourself running through it quicker than expected.
This is a savory thirst quencher, comprised of 100 percent Vermentino grapes grown in the Bolgheri appellation of Italy. On one hand, it’s soaking with white flowers. On the other, it’s sopping with fresh acidity. Put both hands together and you’ve got a completely balanced wine, worthy of a round of applause.
Bravo!
Tasting Notes:
Intense fragrances of elderflower are met with splashes of yellow fruits like apples, pears, and pineapple. This is a wine with body and you can feel the weight of it on the palate as a rich, saltwater acidity balances out the long and lingering finish.
Bottom Line:
Pair this wine with an Italian feast. It’s got the bones to cut through even the most decadent cacio e pepe or spicy Ragus. Caprese anyone?
Now here’s a wine to snuggle up with. Grown and produced in California’s Central Coast, this wine made of 100 percent Viognier. It has a medium-to-full-bodied profile, which means, it leans high in alcohol. This wine is a slow sipper.
Tasting Notes:
Wafts of white flowers and drops of honey are intense on the nose, but its orange marmalade that stands out in the sip. The texture of the wine is ethereally glossy. When you swirl it around, you can see its dense structure in the slow drizzle of its golden-hued legs sliding down the glass.
Bottom Line:
The high alcohol content is a dead giveaway that this is a good wine for pairing, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the white wine for steak. This wine is an elegant counterpart for all your squashes, vegetable stews, and vegan chilis. It pairs exceptionally well with root vegetables but it also brings out the best in chicken and lean meats.
Furmint is a grape that doesn’t nearly get the attention it deserves, but in Hungary, it reigns supreme. That’s thanks, in part, to the winemakers at Royal Tokaji who, 20 years ago, set forth on a mission to bring Furmint back to the glory it held when it was used to make the gold and sweet elixir aszú for European royals in the 17th century.
This one is much different from what was enjoyed in the 1600s, but it’s worth all the acclaim.
Tasting Notes:
Although Furmint can be sweet, this wine is notably dry. However, it maintains all the ripe sensations that can be found in sweeter styles too, in the way that apple and peach lead on the palate. Those notes are given a crispy uplift from the wine’s mineral structure, which remains throughout the long finish.
Bottom Line:
As hard as Hungarian wines are to come by, you’ll be a legend when you break out this superior and well-priced find at the next socially-distanced function.
Produced in the Western Cape, this is an organic Chenin Blanc, or Steen as they call it in South Africa. It’s charming and has an interesting character. Is that smoke you’re smelling after a quick swirl of the glass? Why, yes, it is. Quick someone fire up the braai!
Tasting Notes:
The first thing this wine greets you with is the smell of smoked applewood and orange peels. On the sip, you’ll notice hints of grilled peaches and nutty flavors, which get rounded out by a bit of spice in the silky and memorable finish.
Bottom Line:
Drink this wine now, with rotisserie chicken or duck. Or you can save it until you can actually get the grill going. It’s good for storing through 2023.
With Boba Fett playing an, at least seemingly, important role in this second season of The Mandalorian, the howls on social media about how Boba Fett is “overrated” have once again started. You know, basically that he looks cool, but didn’t really do all that much in the actual movies. And it’s hard to argue with all that. But there’s still this disconnect between people who love Boba Fett and the people who just don’t get it. The answer is the original line of Kenner action figures that spanned between 1978 and 1985. Okay, sure, the Star Wars Holiday Special can take some credit, which was the first actual appearance of Boba Fett, at least in animated form, but Kenner took character anticipation to a new level with the release of the Boba Fett action figure in 1979.
At first, Fett was offered as a free action figure that was acquired by mailing four proof of purchases from other Star Wars action figures. The description of Boba Fett on that mail away offer was simply, “A fearsome interplanetary bounty hunter. A threat to the Rebel Alliance, especially Han Solo. A new character in the Star Wars sequel.” Let me tell you, a kid’s imagination could run wild with that description. The other characters didn’t even have descriptions. With Fett, there was a jumping-off point. So, by the time a lot of impressionable youths had seen The Empire Strikes Back, Boba Fett had already been on hundreds of imagined adventures. And this is why Fett has such a cache.
The thing is, a lot of those characters who had Kenner action figures have a lot of deemed importance for those of us that were around who owned them. It was, let’s say, curious who got an action figure and who did not. Grand Moff Tarkin, who, if you look at the original Star Wars as a singular movie, was the main villain, did not get an action figure. R5-D4, the red droid with 30 seconds of screen time, whose name is never mentioned and is just called “red”, whose head explodes, causing Luke to pick R2-D2 instead, did have an action figure. So, for many kids, it wasn’t about recreating scenes. It wasn’t like we all rolled R5-D4 out for a few seconds so his head could explode. No, R5-D4 joined back up with Luke and the Rebel Alliance and went on many, many adventures. As did Hammerhead, and Walrus Man (who was most likely dead), and Greedo, (who was for sure dead), and Snaggletooth. Kenner made something called Death Star Droid, which to this day I have trouble even finding in the movie. But in my adventures, you didn’t mess with Death Star Droid.
In the season premiere of The Mandalorian (written and directed by Jon Favreau), Amy Sedaris’s character, Peli, calls for her Droid, “R5.” As we see R5 roll in, from behind, with the residue still on its head from a nasty explosion, it’s undoubtedly the same “red” we saw in the original Star Wars. Only now for the first time, its name is being used and it has more of a function in the actual plot other than “being broken.”
I’ve noticed this a lot in The Mandalorian, especially episodes Jon Favreau directed or wrote. (As opposed to Dave Filoni, who seems to drift more toward the newer characters he helped create in Clone Wars and Rebels.) Favreau was 10 years old when Star Wars hit theaters in 1977 and would have been 11 by the time the first Kenner action figures came out, which puts him right in the age range where these would have had an effect on him. So it is curious that so many of his episodes have these characters: from R5-D4, to Ugnaughts, to Gamorrean Guards, to a Bossk stand-in, to an IG-88 stand-in, to, just this past week, a whole planet of Admiral Ackbars and Squid Heads. (Look, I realize planets like Mon Calamari have been seen before in other forms of canon, but seeing it in live-action is really a trip.) I truly believe Jon Favreau is here to try and make the old Kenner action figures relevant … finally.
Which brings us back to Boba Fett. I used to think The Mandalorian was a way to do a Boba Fett show without actually doing a Boba Fett show. Now it seems that a reason The Mandalorian exists is to vindicate the ultimate Kenner Star Wars action figure, Boba Fett himself. You see, even those of us who love Fett because of the many imaginary adventures we had with him over the years, we were still pretty horrified by how he went out in Return of the Jedi. Unlike The Empire Strikes Back, now he didn’t even have any lines. He just kind of hung out at Jabba’s palace, living off his notoriety. Then when he jumped into action, he was beaten by Han Solo, who couldn’t even see at the time, who didn’t even know Fett was right behind him – then accidentally igniting Fett’s jetpack, which sent him into the mouth of the Sarlacc. Then the Sarlacc burps. (Though, at least we finally hear Fett’s name said out loud for the first and only time in the Original Trilogy. Though, the lack of exposition is something I love about the original Star Wars movies. To the point they don’t even bother telling us anyone’s name half the time.)
I think, deep down, Favreau is tired of Fett being picked on for being “overrated.” I bet Favreau was one of these kids who had hundreds of adventures with his Fett action figure before he ever saw Fett in a movie. He was tired of R5-D4’s one lone appearance being the indignation of being called “red” then having his head explode. The Mandalorian is a lot of things, but I’m personally very excited that my old Kenner Star Wars action figures, that were relegated to being in the background for a few seconds, all have new lives of their own.
The headlines about Conan O’Brien getting ready to leave late night after almost 30 years (to go host a weekly variety show on HBO Max next summer) are technically true, but they also seem to herald some kind of big change while adhering to a linear idea of what a late night show is and where it has to happen. An idea that is slowly losing its form. In as much as indie films and music aren’t solely things made in a basement, late night comedy doesn’t have to be two guests, a performance, and a focus around the midnight hour. It’s an aesthetic. One that O’Brien has helped shape and one he’s still going to inform in his next spot. Perhaps with more ease than before. In short: I’m not sure how earth-shaking this news really is.
It should be noted that, damn, does Conan O’Brien know how to pivot. When Andy Richter left Late Night in 1999, the show dynamic changed somewhat. The show changed again, more fully, when O’Brien briefly took over The Tonight Show in 2009 and again when he went to TBS to start Conan after NBC’s fuckery. That show has changed as well, gradually over the years before a total remix in January 2019 when it went from an hour to a half-hour. And then it transformed again, like every other late night show, going virtual due to COVID before shooting crowdless episodes at Largo in LA. Depending on how things go with social distancing and public health, the show may well change again before its now concrete end date in June.
O’Brien and company’s demonstrated adaptability isn’t just a virtue, it’s a necessity on par with comedic instinct in the effort to keep making people laugh while maintaining relevancy across generations. This all while confronting the ultimate TV existential threat: the explosion of available outlets and the splintering of audience. Because for everyone a niche offering and a niche offering for everyone. O’Brien has embraced this reality and the need to reach fans in multiple spaces already, creating a network of podcasts that allows friends of the show, fixtures, and O’Brien himself to focus on specific interests and giving love to Late Night old heads with the Classic Conan archive on his Team Coco site. Additionally, there’s a series of comedy specials he’s producing for HBO Max that keep him and the Team Coco brand connected to the world of stand-up. The TBS show has its own segmented niche offerings as well, with Clueless Gamer and Without Borders (which will continue with stand-alone specials on TBS) feeling like shows within the larger show. Money people call this diversification. It makes you less vulnerable in a volatile industry. Even in entertainment.
David Letterman is another uncommonly durable comedy culture figure. He and O’Brien will be forever linked since they both hosted Late Night on NBC (Letterman from 1982 to 1993 with O’Brien following him and then taking the reigns until 2009) and preferred a kind of “let’s see what we can get away with” esotericism that managed to find bigger than anticipated audiences and impact. But I’m wondering if their respective third acts also joins them.
When Letterman left The Late Show in 2015 it was assumed that he’d sit in a rocking chair for 20 years, but instead he went to Netflix and isolated and elevated the element from his late night show that he seemingly liked best (interviews). And now he gets to do it without the guardrails and expectations of a network nightly “late night” show even though it still feels like late night for who it is and what it is. For Letterman, this “do whatever you want, just do it for us” treatment seems like a reward for a foundational run in classically defined late night. Is this new show on HBO Max Conan O’Brien’s version of that? Maybe. We’ll see if he has the freedom or inclination to make big changes or hone in on a single aspect, but O’Brien certainly has the name recognition and loyal multi-platform audience to be a separator for a freshly launched streamer when it comes to buzz and maybe subscriptions. And he’s still got a lot of pathways to entertain his audience (the previously mentioned Team Coco, those specials, the podcasts, Without Borders at a time when the world will be ripe for re-exploration and a little cultural curiosity, etc). This on top of whatever this new show winds up being. So the stage is set for him to take advantage of this.
You know what else this feels like? When Howard Stern left terrestrial radio for Sirius. It’s a further breakdown of an established formula and subscription fees suck, sure, but in the end, no one will really give a shit about what channel or service the content is on if it’s still good. That’s the challenge, same as it ever was. So long as O’Brien has the ability to follow his instincts and do his thing then does it really matter if it’s all on channel 39 or on a couple of different apps? Conan ala carte is still Conan and it’s still going to be late night.
Donald Trump’s continued legal battle to win the 2020 election despite Joe Biden winning both the popular vote and the electoral college has certainly had its Rudy Giuliani-fueled ups and downs. Well, mostly downs when it comes to Trump’s actual chances of changing or invalidating tens of thousands of votes and flipping some states his way.
Some would imagine that it takes a certain devotion to Trump in order to keep the fledgling legal campaign going, but according to a report one of the president’s legal advisors isn’t nearly as loyal as you’d expect. According to report from CNN’s Andrew Kaczynski, Trump’s legal advisor, Jenna Ellis, has a history of criticizing Trump both on Facebook and on a radio program in Colorado.
Ellis, an attorney and former law professor from Colorado, repeatedly slammed then-candidate Trump as an “idiot,” who was “boorish and arrogant,” and a “bully” whose words could not be trusted as factually accurate. She called comments he made about women “disgusting,” and suggested he was not a “real Christian.”
In one March 2016 Facebook post, Ellis said Trump’s values were “not American,” linking to a post that called Trump an “American fascist.” She praised Mitt Romney for speaking out against Trump, referring to him as “Drumpf,” — a nickname coined by comedian John Oliver after a biographer revealed Trump’s ancestor changed the family’s surname from Drumpf to Trump.
Things have obviously changed for Ellis, as she’s worked for Trump as a legal advisor and surrogate for more than a year now. But the network reported on a number of different instances where Ellis attacked both Trump supporters for not caring about the truth and the candidate itself for being an “unethical, corrupt, lying, criminal, dirtbag.”
Ellis gave a statement to CNN and didn’t deny the reports, but instead called her early criticism “no secret” and that things, in her mind, have changed.
In a statement to CNN on Wednesday, Ellis said, “It’s no secret that I did not support Donald Trump early in the primary process in 2015, like many others who didn’t know him, and I’ve always been straightforward with my opinions and I’ve always admitted when my opinion changes. I am glad to have learned that I was completely wrong about Trump back then and I’ve said that over and over publicly, as I saw him keeping his promises, and then eventually getting to know him personally.
Ellis has apparently changed her mind about Trump, and as the full story shows certainly has the more recent social media activity to prove it. But the list of criticisms is pretty long, too, and if we know one thing it’s that Trump definitely doesn’t like being called names.
Growing up in Los Angeles equips you with two key attributes: 1) an ungodly amount of patience for sitting in traffic, and 2) enough experience eating tacos to be a certified taco expert. I’m also Latino, which means my authority on what makes a good taco is essentially bulletproof. Am I saying that every Latinx person living in LA is a Jonathan Gold-level authority on tacos and Mexican food who would make respected Mexican chefs like Aarón Sánchez weep with pride?
Yes, that is what I’m saying. Come at me.
I have other hallmarks of a true LA taco snob, too. I’ve already published a hierarchy of the best tacos the city has to offer (most of my picks are on the east side, another taco snob hallmark), I make my own salsas, and I’m one of those people who says “but tacos don’t even need cheese” even though I know damn well they taste better with it. Plus I always, always rep for my favorite LA street vendor.
But being a taco snob can be a lonely life. Because there are times when you’re away from your home turf and you have to try things on the fly, compromise, or — gulp — hit the drive-thru to get your taco fix. It may not happen anytime soon (my beloved spots are near where I’m riding out the pandemic), but it will happen. To help prepare myself (and you) for just such an eventuality, I went on a quest last week to find the best fast food tacos on the market.
Before we dive into my definitive ranking of fast food tacos, here is something I discovered on my odyssey: If you compare a fast food taco to an authentic corn tortilla street taco, you’re never going to be satisfied. They should be recognized as two vastly different items. So if you came to debate “authenticity” with me, know that this isn’t the place. Once you accept the fast-food taco as its own beast, the snobbiness starts to fall away and you’re able to appreciate them for what they are.
*A brief note on fish tacos*
On this list, you’ll find all sorts of chicken and beef-based tacos, but you won’t find any fish tacos. Mostly because I don’t like fish tacos and I’m especially dubious of any fish taco you can pick up at a fast-food restaurant. This shouldn’t be a problem unless you’re a huge Baja Fresh fan, in which case, you have my sincerest apologies on multiple levels.
Let’s go!
15 — Burger King — Crispy Taco
Oh boy. I knew things were going to get dark during this ranking, but I didn’t know I’d experience something quite as awful as Burger King’s Crispy Taco. First of all, it was news to me that Burger King even had a taco. Not only have I never noticed it on the menu, but I’ve never heard a single person ever mention tacos from Burger King.
For good reason.
The meat here is questionable. It’s crumbly yet wet. Salty yet flavorless. It’s more texture than anything. This might as well be lobster at a diner, something inexplicable on a menu for variety’s sake, not for the intention of ever being truly savored.
It’s the Dream Cafe from Seinfeld.
The Bottom Line:
Close your eyes, point to the menu and there is a high chance you’ll land on something better than Burger King’s Crispy Taco.
14 — Carl’s Jr — Crunchy Beef Taco
Carl
The Carl’s Jr Crunchy Beef Taco is a lot like the Burger King taco only (marginally) better… because there is less of it. Seriously, this taco is probably the thinnest taco in all of fast-food. The shell-to-fillings ratio is all off here. Luckily, the shell tastes better than Burger King’s entire taco. The taco sauce isn’t bad either, it provides a nice, warming heat but is still mild enough for people who can’t tolerate spice.
The major miss on this taco is the lettuce, I’ve had the Crunchy Beef Taco on a few occasions now and every time the lettuce has been white and flavorless. At that point don’t even put it in, Carl!
The Bottom Line:
A step up from Burger King. Better shell and less taco overall, which — in this case — is a gift.
13 — Taco Bell — Chicken Soft Taco
Taco Bell’s chicken is the worst chicken I’ve ever tasted. That’s it. That’s the review. You can also order it with tomatoes and sour cream, which does nothing to improve the experience.
The Bottom Line:
The worst chicken I’ve ever tasted in my life, yet somehow still a better overall experience than I had at Carl’s Jr or Burger King.
12 — Baja Fresh — Baja Taco
I’m pretty split on the Baja Taco. On one hand, I love the grilled double corn tortilla, I’ll take cilantro on tacos every time it’s offered to me, and Baja Fresh’s salsa options — which include verde, a chunky red sauce, and a spicy six chili sauce — offer pretty deep complexity, for a chain.
But then there’s the meat.
If I had to rank Baja Fresh’s non-fish protein options it would go 1) Tender Steak, 2) Pork Carnitas, 3) White Meat Chicken. The chicken is almost inedible. Now, I’m not expecting fresh non-frozen chicken from Baja Fresh (ironic as that is), but the texture here is rubbery — like it was reheated after being pre-cooked. I’m not saying it is, I have no idea, but it tastes like what I imagine Subway’s grilled chicken would taste like if it was cut up and thrown into a taco.
It’s bland, it’s dry, and relies on the salsa to impart any flavor.
The Pork Carnitas are a significant step up but are generally pretty dry. The steak is tough but has a flavorful outer char.
The Bottom Line:
For the love of all that is holy never order the chicken! The other two are… middling.
11 — Baja Fresh — Americano Taco
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I prefer Baja Fresh’s Americano Taco over the Baja. Fast food flour tortillas taste better than fast food corn tortillas. The romaine lettuce is a nice addition, the tomatoes pack a lot of much-needed flavor and are a great compliment to any of Baja Fresh’s salsa options, and the inclusion of jack and cheddar cheese offers a big step up.
While I appreciate the Baja Taco’s attempts to recreate a taqueria-style street taco, the Americano just has more flavor. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.
The Bottom Line:
The better of the two Baja Fresh tacos.
10 — Rubio’s — Classic Chicken/Steak Taco
Rubio’s is a very small step up from Baja Fresh, mostly because their meat is of slightly higher quality. Unfortunately, the salsa options are much more limited here than at Baja, but the classic taco features cheese, romaine lettuce and is topped with a creamy spicy chipotle sauce that results in an all around better flavor experience. The tortillas here are also leagues better.
The Bottom Line:
A mid-tier fast-food taco. Too bland to be considered good but inarguably a taco. That’s an improvement from the bottom five on this list!
9 — Rubios — Grilled Gourmet Taco Chicken/Steak
While Rubio’s Classic Taco is just so so, the Grilled Gourmet is actually pretty good. As I mentioned before, Rubio’s corn tortillas are solid and they’re made all the better when toasted cheese is melted on top of them. The Grilled Gourmet also features avocado slices, a roasted version of their Chipotle salsa, cilantro, onions, and bacon.
All fast food tacos would be better served with some bacon!
The Bottom Line:
One of Rubio’s best menu choices. That being said, you’re still at Rubio’s.
8 — Chipotle — Tacos (Crunchy or Soft)
It might surprise some that someone who calls themselves a “taco snob” would rank the more “authentic” offerings from Chipotle in the middle of this list. I mean, these tacos contain meat that can actually be identified, and that’s saying something, right?
Unfortunately, while being able to choose between chicken, steak, barbacoa, carnitas, and carne asada is nice, none of that really matters when your food is as flavorless and uninspired as Chipotle’s fare.
Chipotle’s entire menu just lacks character. No single item on the menu — aside from the MEGA-LIME chips — tastes like any creative thought was put into it. It’s like making a sauce without tasting it. It doesn’t matter that you followed a recipe with perfect precision, if you don’t dip your finger in, taste it and see how the spices are coming together, it probably won’t come out very good. We’re not suggesting the burrito makers at Chipotle dip their fingers into the guac or the salsa to see if the stuff tastes good (God knows the chain has already had food contamination issues), but the point stands.
You can order these tacos crunchy or soft. Not a lot of people know that, which is probably because this choice doesn’t really make a difference.
The Bottom Line:
Chipotle is a master of options but doesn’t know anything about how flavors come together. Because of that, this taco tries to pass itself off as “authentic” and falls short.
7 — Qdoba — Tacos
Qdoba suffers from all the same problems that Chipotle does, only I’m not nearly as angry over Qdoba. Honestly, the two chains are interchangeable in my eyes, though Qdoba has better meat options, like the Grilled Adobo Chicken, Pulled Pork, and Smoked Brisket. Their fajitas are also more flavorful, and they’ve got cotija cheese.
Alas, I’ve never in my life once craved Qdoba. Jack in the Box from a drive-thru at 3 AM after two too many drinks? Definitely. But Qdoba? I’ve eaten at Qdoba for two reasons ever: 1) morbid curiosity and 2) this article.
The Bottom Line:
A tiny step up from Chipotle. Not a regrettable choice, but definitely a forgettable one.
6 — Taco Bell — Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco
Now see, this is what a fast-food taco should be. It’s tacky and eating one kind of feels like a dare, but come on, the taco shell is essentially a giant folded Dorito. If you ate the shell alone, it’d be an enjoyable experience and that’s hard to say for any fast food taco.
Honestly, this taco should’ve been called the “Americano Taco.” It’s such a bastardization of what a taco should be that I kind of appreciate it. It’s truly Frankensteinian.
The Bottom Line:
If you like Doritos you’ll love this. If you don’t, it’s time to grab a joint and run through a bag.
5 — Jack in the Box — Two Tacos
Are these ranked way too high? Absolutely. First of all, Jack in the Box uses American cheese in these tacos. They just slide a slice of American cheese into a taco shell.
What? I’m sorry, what?!
If that isn’t f*cking crazy enough, it almost seems like they age the lettuce. You don’t cure lettuce in a wine cellar, friends. That’s not the way. The taco sauce’s flavor can only be described as wet and no one — Jack in the Box included — knows what the hell kind of meat this is. Seriously, this is the description of the taco straight from the Jack in the Box website: “Two crunchy tacos with American cheese, shredded lettuce, and taco sauce.”
That’s it. No meat call out at all. Jack knows we’ll roast him.
Having said all of that… have you ever had one of these while drunk or stoned? Tacos aren’t a meal from Jack in the Box, they’re an add on. Jack in the Box is full of stoner food, it’s why they made the “Munchie Meal,” and this is their crown jewel. The next time you’re high, go to Jack in the Box, order Two Tacos, Curly Fries, Mozzarella Sticks, and, f*ck it, an Oreo Milkshake.
Will you regret your decision an hour later? Yes. But for the previous 59 minutes, it’ll be the most amazing fast food indulgence you’ve ever enjoyed.
The Bottom Line:
A stoner staple. Never eat sober.
4 — Taco Bell — Beef Soft/Crunchy Taco
Taco Bell’s meat is weird. For the longest time, when Taco Bell was the only prominent “Mexican” fast food offering, we all just collectively agreed that this was beef. Sure, ground beef tacos exist. They can often be delicious. But there is something about Taco Bell’s meat that just seems… suspect.
It’s wet, greasy, and flavorful, but I just know what I’m eating isn’t 100% beef. My only gripe is that once I’ve had one of these, I burp the flavor for a full 24hrs. That experience alone makes me pause on ever opting for the Taco Bell drive-thru.
I can’t explain it. To me, the soft flour tortilla version of this taco is vastly superior to the crunchy version, but I’ve been known to order one of each when that Taco Bell craving strikes.
The Bottom Line:
Good enough to eat sober!
3 — Del Taco — The Del Taco Crunchy/Soft
Del Taco is massively underrated. It doesn’t enjoy the same cult status amongst stoners, teenagers, and college kids as Taco Bell, but just about everything the Bell does, Del Taco does better. They slow cook their beans, the tacos are less greasy, their meat isn’t as wet and actually tastes and looks like ground beef, and their cheese is freshly grated.
Also, they have fries! That might seem like a random aside, but buy a Del Taco taco, throw some crinkle-cut fries in there, and prepare for one of the tastiest fast food tacos you’ll ever experience. The beef is well seasoned, with a nice peppery bite, the lettuce never feels old, providing you a crisp mouthfeel and the salty crinkle-cut fries offer that addicting umami.
The Bottom Line:
More mature and refined than Taco Bell.
2 — Del Taco — Grilled Chicken Taco
Fast food tacos sometimes feel like an afterthought. They’re generally designed to be added to your meal, rather than a meal unto themselves. But Del Taco’s Grilled Chicken taco is something you might actually go to Del Taco for. We don’t know we can say that about any of the tacos that preceded this entry. At Chipotle and Qdoba, people generally opt for burritos or bowls. Rubio’s and Baja Fresh have the fast food fish taco scene on lock. And nobody is visiting Taco Bell or Jack in the Box for their standard tacos alone.
But Del’s Grilled Chicken Taco is actually good enough to base a meal around. The chicken is as good as fast food chicken can be. Again, the freshly grated cheese makes a major difference, and each bite is infused with some creamy habanero sauce or Del Taco’s “savory secret sauce” (which is just modified sour cream.) Both sauce options are good, but a packet or two of Del Taco’s green or red sauce will still really help to enhance the flavors.
The Bottom Line:
A fast-food taco you don’t have to feel ashamed for ordering.
1 — El Pollo Loco Chicken Avocado Street Taco
This is a curious one because I never, ever, ever order tacos from El Pollo Loco. Hell, most of the time I don’t even remember that El Pollo Loco has tacos. But they do, and they’re pretty f*cking good.
In fact, I think they’re the best fast-food tacos in the game (obviously). First, you have a thick and flavorful stone-ground corn tortilla (though El Pollo Loco’s quality varies, sometimes you get a stale tortilla) thick fresh slices of avocado, cilantro dressing, Pico de Gallo, queso fresco, and El Pollo Loco’s tasty marinated chicken.
Top it off with El Pollo Loco’s avocado salsa and you’ve got an absolute flavor bomb. Everything melds together like a great taco should and feels greater than the sum of its individual parts. While overall I believe the best fast food tacos are the ones that don’t try to be authentic, El Pollo Loco’s Chicken Avocado Street Taco provides an experience I can’t deny.
The Bottom Line:
Did you know El Pollo Loco had tacos? They do, and they’re actually pretty good. The bridge between fast food tacos and the real thing.
After many months of anticipation and uncertainty, the 2020 NBA Draft kicked off on Wednesday night with a virtual format, and as always, it was a good opportunity to learn more about the talented young men who will comprise the incoming class and their long and often arduous and emotional journeys to achieve their basketball dreams.
It was a big night for the Ball family in particular, as LaMelo Ball was selected with the No. 3 overall pick by the Charlotte Hornets, making him the second Ball brother, behind his older brother Lonzo, to be taken as a top five lottery pick in the last four years. And not to be out-shined, Lonzo had a little something up his sleeve for his brother’s big night.
On Wednesday night’s episode of The Masked Singer, #WhatchamacallitMask took the stage to do a version of Terror Squad’s “Lean Back,” with some lyrical edits that dropped a few hints about who might be behind the mask, before it was revealed to be Lonzo.
Our own mock draft had LaMelo going No. 1 overall to Minnesota, but he’ll make a good addition in Charlotte. Of course, there’s the added layer of father LaVar’s many outlandish boasts about his basketball abilities and his son now playing for the team owned by Michael Jordan, the world’s most maniacal competitor and nurturer of petty slights. Regardless, the Ball family legacy continues to grown, both on court and in prime time.
Ok, so the year is 2020 and Dolly Parton is responsible for funding a vaccine for a deadly disease that the sitting American president has all but ignored. Strange sci-fi short story plot or real life? Who in the hell would choose the latter if given that sentence any time before March of this year? Yet here we are, that’s all true. Parton’s well-known benevolence has apparently drifted into the medical world, and a lot of us have Dolly to thank for that.
But the situation is just strange and surreal enough, and everyone stuck at home during the pandemic are just bored enough, that the internet is really showing out when it comes to jokes and commentary about the matter. They’ve had me cackling all day, so I’m collecting a few of the best here to entertain you.
Joining in the fray are the likes of Steve Martin:
I imagine Dolly Parton sitting in a quiet room, manipulating RNA while writing a hit song.
Which is, of course, referencing this classic Dolly moment:
Dolly Parton not only funds public health endeavors like the Covid vaccine, has given away 100 Million books, and has been willing to take flack to speak out for BLM, BUT she can also do this!pic.twitter.com/vIftlnVHmI
The NBA Draft is a life-changing event in so many young men’s lives each year. Even though it’s being conducted virtually this time around, we still get to watch all of the emotional moments with the draftees and their family members as they hear their names called and find out where their NBA journey will begin.
But for some players, it’s not always so clear how things are going to pan out. Take R.J. Hampton, for instance. Hampton opted to forego college last season and in favor of playing professionally in New Zealand, and after struggling somewhat overseas saw his draft stock fall.
So when the Bucks selected him with the No. 24 pick, it was with the understanding that he would be heading to New Orleans, who would subsequently trade him to the Denver Nuggets. Confused yet? Don’t worry. You’re not alone. When ESPN cut to Hampton’s live feed, they still hadn’t figured out which hat to use, and in the commotion, the elder Hampton tossed one across the room.
It appeared to be the Bucks hat that went sailing, before they realized that was the one they actually needed for the purposes of the live spot. One of the more interesting developments for the virtual format was that each player was sent all 30 hats just to be sure that all their bases were covered, although in this case, the complex mechanisms of the draft and trade and trade again scenario were still too much to overcome in the moment.
Though 2020 has been chock full of decidedly surprising and even mind-blowing things, it’s safe to say that many people who formerly thought they disliked Machine Gun Kelly have been proven wrong by his new album, Tickets To My Downfall. The album even went No. 1, a solid benchmark for commercial success. Former haters have morphed into fans, and MGK has become the kind of pop-punk star (rapper?) that’s cool enough to grace the cover of ultra-cool mag Nylon. Nice.
If that wasn’t enough, he’s profiled by none other than Naomi Fry, New Yorker staff writer and definitely one of the funniest and best culture writers in the game right now. You should read her piece on MGK in full, but well, if your brain is short circuited from election drama, fake recounts, a pandemic, unemployment, and the men who insist on wearing masks below their noses, then let me pull out the most choice quote for you right here in this blog post. As first called out by Tyler McCall on Twitter, Fox compares their relationship to… a tsunami.
Describing her relationship with MGK as a “once in a lifetime thing” and a connection of “mythic proportions,” Fox went on: “Loving him is like being in love with a tsunami or a forest fire. The intensity of merging with him is just overwhelming, and the threat it poses is so powerful but so beautiful that you have no choice to surrender with reverence and with gratitude.”
There you have it, that’s what dating MGK is like. And my gratitude, Megan, for that description. Anyway, here’s my favorite song off Tickets To My Downfall:
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