One of those is former Los Angeles Clippers star turned athlete investor Baron Davis, who said “I think it’s just life coming full circle,” after he was front and center for many years of the dark Donald Sterling saga in Los Angeles. Shelburne adds that Dream president Chris Sienko, majority owner Mary Brock and her husband and former Coca-Cola CEO John Brock, “have been providing financial information to potential buyers of the team.”
While Loeffler has stated her intention is not to sell the team and WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert has indicated it is not currently the plan of the league to force her to do so, the cleanest split would be for someone genuinely interested in growing women’s basketball in Atlanta to purchase the franchise. This is something Loeffler has shown herself unwilling to do any longer, as Shelburne brings in political scientists and longtime Atlantans to show how Loeffler’s fight with the WNBA grew spontaneously out of a need to win politically over a primary opponent who is seen as more supportive of President Trump than she is.
Whether Davis is the right person to becoming the managing partner of the Dream is unclear, but he is certainly a well-known and passionate person in the basketball community and seems to care about turning the page for the Dream after this fight with Loeffler.
Meanwhile, the players of the WNBA have worked with politicians like Michelle Obama and Stacey Abrams to develop a plan to encourage voter turnout in support of Loeffler’s Democratic opponent, Rev. Raphael Warnock, this fall. At the same time, the players have taken the stance of no longer mentioning Loeffler by name or addressing the situation directly, turning their cheeks to the woman who once supported them fully and now is using her connection with the league as a political advantage.
Cereal and coffee — they’re bonafide breakfast staples designed for people who live a life on the go. Even for those of us who have transitioned into the new normal of working from home, there isn’t really an easier way to start the day than with a bowl of cereal or a cup of joe. Both can be consumed rather quickly and provide a jolt of early morning energy to help propel you into your day. But we say, why choose just one when you can have both?
No, we’re not talking about pouring a cup of coffee into your bowl of cereal instead of milk — though… let’s try that. We’re talking about giving Post’s new caffeine-infused Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato and Mocha Latte cereal a try. Sure, no one asked Post cereal to link up with Dunkin’. But hey, we’re all for random cross-brand collaborations. How else would we have things like the Doritos Locos Taco? Are you going to tell us you want to live in a world without Doritos Locos Tacos? Aren’t things bad enough as it is?
For the collaboration, Post utilized the flavors in Dunkin’s Caramel Macchiato and Mocha Latte sweetened coffees, infusing each bowl with caffeine, espresso swirled marshmallows and corn-pop like cereal bites that provide a crunch to go along with the layered flavors of the iced coffee of your choice. Basically, Post is offering us all an edible form of iced coffee.
We’ve tasked ourselves with figuring out not just which flavor is worth your money, but if a bowl of Dunkin’ cereal lives up to its namesake. Will this replace our morning cup of coffee? Let’s find out.
Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato VS Dunkin’ Mocha Latte
Dunkin
You could argue that ranking these two cereal flavors is futile. Doesn’t it just fall to personal preference? In the coffee world maybe, but in the world of cereal, things are a little more black and white. For example, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is objectively better than Kellog’s All-Bran. While our own personal cereal rankings may differ slightly, the world of cereal is a world of truths. And the truth is that All-Bran, plain Shredded Wheat, Fibre 1, and Special K cereal just aren’t as good. For all we know, the Dunkin’ cereal line is awful, or maybe one is good and the other is trash — look we’re just going to shut up, eat the damn cereals, and tell you our thoughts.
Sometime later…
Alright, we’ve tried them! We felt it was important to try both boxes in three separate states: Dry, slightly milked, and fully engorged (excuse these names please). In the dry test, it was pretty clear that the Mocha Latte was superior over the Caramel Macchiato. Where the Caramel tasted like a violently sweet corn pop, the Mocha had a Cocoa Puffs quality that was further complemented by the earthy roasted flavors of espresso. I could truly taste the coffee with this one, but everything changed once milk was involved.
As the cereals started to gather milk, the flavors really started activating, turning the Caramel Macchiato into a surprisingly smooth experience with a creamy well-balanced flavor that was further complemented by the occasional burst of sugar via the espresso-swirled marshmallows. The experience was less like drinking a Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato and more like drinking a blended caramel drink.
The Mocha Latte, on the other hand, went from being senses pleasing coffee forward experience to a bitter mess of chocolate chalk milk and a flavor that feels less harmonious than it’s Caramel counterpart. With the Caramel, the flavors truly mesh into one thing — save for the marshmallows — whereas in the Mocha you’ll find yourself wishing there were more marshmallows included. Let us say that overall we would’ve preferred more marshmallows in both boxes!
Both bowls of cereal improved when the cereal hit a soggy state, once the chocolate puffs soaked a good amount of milk in, the flavors became much more balanced and some of the harsh bitterness was tamped down, leaving a cereal that truly tastes like coffee in a bowl. Unfortunately for Mocha though, the Caramel also improved, with the milk further intensifying the flavors, bringing much more of the caramel flavor forward.
The verdict: We finished the bowl of Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato cereal. We’ll probably never touch the Mocha Latte again.
How Do They Compare To Their Real Coffee Counterparts?
Dunkin
Our verdict on the Dunkin’ cereals is probably the opposite of their Dunkin’ coffee counterparts. Both iced coffees are almost sickeningly sweet, which by the way is fine for cereal, another story for coffee. Dunkin’s Mocha Latte iced coffee is a much more pleasant experience with hints of dark chocolate complimenting freshly ground espresso, resulting in a cool and creamy beverage that never fails to remind you that you’re drinking coffee.
The Caramel Macchiato on the other hand? It tastes like someone melted a Werther’s Original into a cup of ice, tasted it, said “hey any way we could get more caramel in here?” and then proceeded to melt one of those Green Caramel Apple pops into it and mixed it around with that weird candy apple pop (after dragging it along the bottom of their shoe) and then topped the whole thing off with skim milk to create the illusion of a “creamy” beverage. It’s just awful.
But if I had to choose, I’d opt for the bowl of Caramel Macchiato cereal over everything. Post’s Dunkin’ Caramel Macchiato cereal is a top ten cereal. Will fans of Dunkin’s coffee find something to love in the cereal versions? Maybe, but if you’re looking for a 1:1 flavor matchup between the cereal and its coffee, the Post Dunkin’ cereal is very much its own beast.
Will It Replace My Morning Cup Of Coffee?
Unfortunately, no. After I knocked back a bowl and a half of this stuff I wasn’t feeling the same buzz I’d get from a 16-oz. iced coffee thanks to Dunkin’ cereal only having about 1/10th as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. However, you’ll definitely feel more awake while you’re eating either cereal, as the unmistakable smell of coffee tricks your brain into thinking you’re about to get that much-needed dose of morning caffeine. Strangely, that makes the cereal a great option for someone who is trying to ween themselves off of caffeine. Unfortunately, that’s not us!
The only rush you’re going to get from a bowl is a sugar rush.
Run The Jewels is back with another video from their long-awaited, critically-acclaimed fourth studio album, RTJ4. This time, the dynamic duo links up with Ninian Doff, the director of the Amazon Original movie Get Duked!, for the surreal and hilarious “Out Of Sight” video featuring 2 Chainz. The director brings the cast of his movie along for the ride as they reprise their film characters in the midst of an art heist in a museum where all the paintings are living reproductions of El-P and Killer Mike in various styles throughout history.
The heist itself appears to be for a sculpture of the group’s fist-and-gun logo — the very same one from their album cover, in fact — but as the Get Duked! cast members make a few ill-advised moves, the scene rapidly turns into a RTJ-influenced trip.
Get Duked! (originally titled Boyz In The Wood), revolves around four kids from the city camping in the Scottish Highlands trying to escape “a mysterious huntsman.” It has a 96% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be putting that on momentarily.
RTJ4 was released earlier this year near the start of the pandemic that brought the music industry to a grinding halt. The group released it for free after the police murdered George Floyd and Breonna Stewart and Americans across the nation took to the streets in protest.
Watch Run The Jewels’ “Out Of Sight” video featuring 2 Chainz above.
The NBA will be back this weekend, but after extensive conversations with governors throughout the week, the league and its players released a joint statement on Friday detailing the concrete changes they hope to see going forward as they resume play.
Among those actions are the formation of a players’ social justice coalition (taking a nod from the WNBA which has had a players’ council since the beginning of the season); turning team-owned buildings into voting centers (following the lead of the Hawks and others that have already done so, in conjunction with LeBron James’ More Than A Vote initiative); and placing ad spots and public service announcements during broadcasts related to civic engagement and voter awareness.
In reports throughout the past few days, it’s become clear that many players and coaches, including most notably LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers, were ready to hang it up for 2020 unless team governors promised to do more to affect direct change. Governors will be tasked with working with local officials to turn team-owned venues into polling places or ballot intake sites, and the release states that the social justice coalition will also feature team governors. There also must be league-wide buy-in to take the step of airing ads and PSAs that are overtly political during game broadcasts.
NBA players have shown they are willing to put games on the line to enact change, so how this plays out in practice, as well as how the league continues to push outside the confines of the court, will clearly be just as big a part of the remainder of the 2020 playoffs as who comes away with the title.
This week, the NBA and players around the league have been finding ways to rethink their priorities in the wake of yet another police shooting of an unarmed Black man. The season abruptly went on hiatus on Wednesday as players staged a walkout in order to put pressure on the league and its owners to enact social reform using their connections and influence.
Individually, players have continued find ways to use their own voices, money, and influence to support change in their local communities and beyond. The stoppage of play has also acted as a rallying call for other sports leagues around the country, several of whom have also pressed pause on their seasons in the midst of a re-energized movement.
Donovan Mitchell of the Utah Jazz became the latest to use this opportunity to make a difference, announcing a joint effort with adidas on Friday to use a portion of the sales of his newest sneakers to help fund Jacob Blake’s children future education.
Mitchell will donate $45,000 of the proceeds from his sneaker sales to the Blake family, a number that will be matched by adidas, who confirmed the news in a release on Friday.
“adidas stands in solidarity with athletes, coaches and cultural leaders driving positive disruption and demanding justice for the senseless shooting of Jacob Blake and the many whose lives have been impacted by systemic racism.
Donovan Mitchell and adidas will donate all proceeds from the sales of the D.O.N. Issue #2 launching today, up to $90,000, to a college scholarship fund for the children of Jacob Blake.
In support of those voices being heard, all other product releases scheduled to launch this weekend will be postponed across adidas stores, adidas.com, the adidas app and CONFIRMED.”
The news comes just on the heels of the league announcing that it would return to action on Saturday after what will have been a 72-hour hiatus, marked by renewed efforts on the part of the league and the Board of Governors to create new initiatives for social justice reform.
KenTheMan‘s debut tape 4 Da 304s is strictly for the hoes. It’s an exhilarating thrill of sexual excitement and monetary gain at the expense of men from the first listen of its leading track “Try Me” to the raw “Freaky Freestyle.”
It’s the hoe lessons KenTheMan is instructing on the Houston native’s 10 track project that delivers fun and flirty guidance on how to make men pay up. There’s no crying in hoe life, just bags of money and good stories to tell. 4 Da 304s is one of the most sexy rap EPs out.
Uproxx spoke with KenTheMan about the making of 4 Da 304s, womanhood, and how she was finally able to quit Door Dash to rap full time, thanks to her 2019 hit song “He Be Like.”
Congratulations on your new project. 4 Da 304s coming out. Tell me about that title.
Well, I honestly was sitting in the studio and I’m like, bro, I can’t believe I still haven’t it figured out my album name. I said, man, I don’t know because this shit really for the hoes. And then I was like, oh, I should name it 4 Da Hoes. My engineer was like, man but I still got to figure out a way to make it a little more commercial to where it’s not curse words, so it can can get played in certain places that a curse word couldn’t. I could say “4 Da 3-oh-4s.” In high school and middle school and stuff, we used to call hoes, 304s.
On the calculator, right?
Yeah, and you turned it around, and it’d say “hoe.” I was like, damn, I’m going to name it 4 Da 304s because it’s for the hoes.
What can your fans expect on this project?
I feel like they should expect to get off their feet and feel confident and it’s really all turnt. Like it ain’t nothing soft on it. It’s all happy music. Like literally it’s all music that make you feel good.
Was that a conscious decision?
Yeah, because that’s what they into. I always switch it up. I drop different things because I’m a real versatile artist. When I dropped my slow song, they was like, we’re ready to stand on a chair. So I was like, all right, they want to stand on a chair. It’s like quarantine got everybody kind of like down, so I was like, why would I make down music during quarantine? I need to make something to make them at least feel like they outside.
I see you’re mainly working with a producer named Big Cuz and it looks like he produced like majorly all of your projects. Tell me about your relationship with him.
Me and him have been working for probably going on four years, this year. I was very uncomfortable in the studio and when we started working on this project… he makes beats on the spot and I was nervous to rap on the spot. I was very weird about him hearing me and my mistakes. Since I gained a relationship with him it started becoming comfortable for me to rap. He started making these beats that I feel like, he learned me just by having a personal relationship. We just clicked.
He would make the beat around my words. So when you would hear my beat kick up in a certain way, it’ll be because I said something a certain way and he made the beat, like it’s catered to it. So he’s dope.
I know right now women are like really running it in rap. It’s like such a great time to be a woman in rap right now but I know as women we deal with so many insecurities and societal pressures. We are seeing more women being more comfortable with themselves but it’s also making other people uncomfortable. Do you feel like maybe there’s going to be a time where women won’t be judged for anything that they do? You can just do whatever you want without…
I don’t feel like it’ll ever change. I feel like we’ll always be judged because no matter, it can be the classiest woman in the world and somebody’s going to tell her that she’s too fucking classy. It’s kind of like, if you’re doing you of course people are going to have something to say. I also feel like back then it’s been women that’s confident. We grew up on one of the most confident women in Nicki Minaj. I feel like it’s been going on. It’s just more of it now.
Sex been selling, like Trina, Kim, Foxy, like all them, they real grimy with they words and they really sell sex. I just don’t see why it’s such a shocker that people still selling sex. It’s just like now I don’t know if it’s more put in they face or maybe people is just highly opinionated. It ain’t going to stop. I just feel like it’s good that we have like a lot of female confident rappers, because why would we be sitting around acting like we not confident? I just feel like power to us, power to the pussy right now.
For you, when was that moment that you decided I’m going to do me and I know people are going to say whatever they want anyways?
When you try to do anything that you do, somebody’s got something to say about it. It kind of makes you just be like, you know what? I might as well, you know what I’m saying? Why am I trying to do stuff to please other people that are never going to be pleased? People are never pleased, naturally. So it’s kind of like when you start doing stuff for yourself, you notice that more people latch on to literally you doing you.
I do want to talk about your album cover. It looks like you’re teaching a class of some sort and there’s these girls taking notes. What kind of stuff are you teaching on this project?
How to not give a fuck and break these n****s. Again, I want every lady to know out there, that it’s no reason to be crying if you ain’t getting paid for it. I just had that logic. I had that logic like recently because of my ex. One day, it hit me like, wow, I should get some money for this. For every future relationship, I’m not going to let nobody stress me out. If we having a little ups and downs, at least you can pay for it. That’s how I feel. Just get something out of every situation and do you. It’s really a carefree tape. I’m just telling them like, to be your best hoe self girl. Just be you.
You’re basically coming off of a big single “He Be Like,” so how do you plan on following up that to make sure that everybody’s peeping this project out?
I don’t know. I’m just like, me, I’m weird. I never can make something like something. I made “He Be Like” on accident. I was driving — Door Dashing. Didn’t expect it to be a song that was going to literally stop me from having to Door Dash. “He Be Like” will always be my baby. I’ll never forget the song that stopped me from working and got me my bands girl. Got me my bands. I ain’t never forget.
What was the first thing you bought when you got your first big check?
I bought a lot of clothes, because I didn’t get to shop for a minute because I was kind of broke. I just bought a lot of clothes and shoes. Now that I’m a rapper, I got to fit the part girl. I felt really good. I can’t believe that I made a song and it was like, it’s my song. It’s nobody else’s song. It’s mine. I didn’t know it was going to be the song.
You were doing Door Dash, but like, do you remember the moment where you were like, I’m not doing Door Dash today?
I think after “He Be Like,” I was still Door Dashing because I was still broke, girl. You know those checks don’t come right away. Still got to make a living while the song is revving. I was still working and then I started getting booked a lot. I started realizing how much I had.
How have you been able to keep it going during Corona?
I just keep making music. I hate that this whole thing is going on. Of course I’m not happy that we’re experiencing some bullshit like this, but I really got like to pause real quick to get my shit together and I did because I made my tape during it. It gave me time to realize my priorities. When I had my single and money was flowing, I started getting comfortable not thinking like, oh shit, it’s time to get in EP mode. It’s time to get a body of work. I wasn’t thinking like that because it was moving so fast. I was always on a plane. I was here. I was there. It gave me a chance to sit in the house and realize, bitch, what are you going to do after this?
Never one to let an opportunity to voice an alcoholic dragon go by, Nicolas Cage has agreed to voice an alcoholic dragon.
Deadline reports that Cage will voice the lead character in the Amazon series Highfire, based on author Eoin Colfer’s novel of the same name. Described as “True Detective by way of Pete’s Dragon” (so… Reign of Fire?), Highfire is a “gritty crime-thriller with doses of magical realism. Its central character, Highfire (Cage), is a vodka-drinking, Flashdance-loving dragon who lives an isolated existence in the bayous of Louisiana.”
Here’s more (feel free to take a shot of Absinthe after every sentence):
Once upon a time, dragons ruled the earth and Lord Highfire ruled the dragons from his eyrie. But this is not once upon a time, this is now, and now all Lord Highfire rules is his shack in Louisiana’s Honey Island Swamp. Highfire has become plain old ‘Vern’ and, by day, he hides out among the alligators, watches cable-TV and drinks obscene amounts of vodka to pass the time. It isn’t much of a life but he’s alive to live it, and Vern is prepared do whatever it takes – even if its violent – to preserve his own hide. When Vern’s world collides with a human teen named Squib, who becomes mixed up in some trouble while running booze for the local mob, their mutual struggle for survival becomes entangled in the most unlikely of friendships.
Earlier in the month, Joe Rogan went viral on Instagram after the popular podcast host shared his thoughts on a “Satanic” photo filter that his 10-year-old daughter brought to his attention. While Rogan is often a lightning rod for controversy, he did make a valid point by posting an image of himself that the filter transformed into an image that is very clearly not Joe Rogan. The experience prompted him to go on a valid rant about how these filters are distorting “young women’s expectations of beauty.”
“My 10 year old daughter is laughing hysterically because she took a picture of my ugly chimp face making kissy lips and ran it through some satanic filter designed to steal women’s self esteem through pure deception and f*ckery, and this is the result,” Rogan wrote in the caption. “Protect yourself, my friends. The internet is trying to rob you of your happiness.”
Apparently, Rogan’s post caught the attention of someone at Texas Tech who thought it was worthy of including in a lecture. In a follow-up post, Rogan shared a photo from student who immediately recognized the viral image as it popped up in the middle of a class discussion.
And here is Rogan’s original post for reference:
Despite Rogan dabbling in hyperbole by calling the filter “Satanic,” the incident was a surprisingly insightful moment from the podcast star who’s mostly known for stirring up controversy more than taking pro-feminist stances. Maybe we’re looking at the turning of a new leaf for Rogan. He recently opined that Twitter will go extinct like Blockbuster, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing if he was right about that, too.
“I think we’re gonna look back, ‘You remember when we used to communicate through Twitter? Like, oh my God, it was so toxic. Everybody was so mean,” Rogan predicted on his podcast. We’re open to that future.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — You’re looking for something to watch anyway
This is an excellent time to watch (or re-watch) Watchmen. To be fair, it’s kind of always a good time to watch Watchmen. What a terrific season of television that was. I’m not even a big comics guy. I’ve never read the original text the show was based on. I haven’t even seen the Watchmen movie. But man, did I ever enjoy that series. I would recommend it to anyone, any time, even if conditions in the real world weren’t making it extremely relevant, again, for like the third or fourth time since it aired, which was somehow less than a year ago.
But conditions in the real world are making it relevant. Again. The series takes a hard look at policing and race and gets to some interesting truths by addressing everything from an angle instead of head-on. There are messages about vigilante justice and government ineptitude and real-life historical events that some viewers might have just been learning about for the first time, and yes, this is a reference to the Black Wall Street massacre in Tulsa that opens the series, which was not entirely on my radar before the show even though I took multiple American history classes in college and paid attention in most of them. I’m not proud of this, but the educational system in the country should be substantially less proud.
To be clear, the show is also a blast. Just a joy to watch all the way through, with its serious messages occasionally punctuated with the silliest things you’ve ever seen, the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Jeremy Irons plays a madman on a country estate in the cosmos and chews up all the scenery out there in the best way possible. James Wolk, Bob Benson from Mad Men, uses the phrase “squid pro quo” in a context that both makes sense and is hilarious. Regina King plays a cop who is uncovering the corruption and evil plots and she drops about five or six emmeffers with such force and passion that it feels like maybe we should make a rule that she’s the only one allowed to say it.
HBOHBOHBO
It’s a good show! And again, this is a great time to watch it, whether it’s your first time through or your second or third. It’s a shame that it keeps being relevant like this, in a few ways, and if you see me on the street this weekend I will happily elaborate on my position that millions of tiny squid raining from the heavens out of nowhere is kind of like a global pandemic, but if we’re going to live through it over and over we might as well take our silver linings where we can get them.
For me, that means I get to write about Watchmen again. For you, it means you might get introduced to — or reacquainted with — the one and only Lube Man.
It’s not going to solve anything, not on its own. But does serve the dual purpose of facing some ugly issues with an interesting perspective and being an entertaining way to spend 8-10 hours, and I don’t know if you can ask for much more than that out of a television show. Watch Watchmen. Or rewatch Watchmen. Or watch and then rewatch Watchmen. Tell other people to do it, too. Don’t tell them about Lube Man, though. Let them discover that on their own.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Bitcoin entrepreneur and former Mighty Ducks child actor Brock Pierce is running for President and has been endorsed by Bitcoin entrepreneur and R&B singer Akon, who is also building a $6 billion Bitcoin-funded city he named after himself
There’s a lot going on here. I can’t wait to tell you about some of it. But we need a foundation first, a place to build from. Let’s start with the basics. Brock Pierce is a former child actor who played the young Gordon Bombay in the flashback scenes of the Mighty Ducks movies. He is now an adult who identifies as a tech entrepreneur and “Bitcoin billionaire,” which is kind of funny just in general, but specifically when you Google him and see the hats he chooses to wear and the various characters with whom he chooses to associate himself. He got married in a unicorn-themed wedding at Burning Man and that is maybe the fourth weirdest thing you can discover about him in under 10 minutes of Googling.
Anyway, he’s running for president. Sure. Welcome to the future. His platform appears to be, and I’m admittedly generalizing a very little bit here, “because Bitcoin,” which is why it probably makes sense that he was endorsed by fellow Bitcoin entrepreneur Akon, the R&B singer best known for songs like “Locked Up” and “Smack That,” and who is also, according to news dot Bitcoin dot com, Pierce’s new campaign manager.
“Not only is Akon one of the most well-known artists globally, he is a successful global businessman and philanthropist,” Pierce, who announced his candidacy in July, said in a statement quoted by Cheddar. “I started my life as an artist so I have the utmost respect for culture and the arts — without it we are lost. His aspirations to be in politics, to be in civil service, and what he has accomplished in Africa and beyond will be valuable for our platform on a regional, national, and world-wide level.”
This story is already fabulous. Just so many things happening that don’t make sense on their own, let alone rolled up into one big chaotic ball with all the other things that are happening. I love it. And it brings me a great deal of pleasure to inform you that it gets even better. A few paragraphs lower in that news dot Bitcoin dot com story, this happens.
Pierce was also an inspiration for Akon to create his own cryptocurrency called akoin. This cryptocurrency will be used in Akon City, the futuristic city Akon is building in his home country of Senegal, Africa. Phase one of Akon City is expected to be completed by 2023 and the entire city is expected to be completed in 2029. Phase one will include a 5,000-bed hospital, homes, hotels, schools, police and fire stations, an airstrip, a mall, a waste facility, a solar power plant, and all the other hallmarks of modern-day cities.
Akon is helping a kid from Mighty Ducks run for president while building a $6 billion city called Akon City that he intends to bankroll with his own personal cryptocurrency, which is called akoin. This is the only political story I care about now.
This is a video of Adam Sandler trying to teach his beloved dog Meatball to skateboard and Meatball failing in just the most charming ways possible, over and over, as Sandler cheers him on. It is so refreshing that I think it has hydrated my entire soul. I wish it lasted a full hour. I hope someone greenlights it as an entire show. The Meatball Show featuring Adam Sandler. I would watch and recap weekly.
Adam Sandler gets a lot of grief online, some of it justified, for making a bunch of movies that appear to be more “excuses to go to Hawaii with his friends” than they “artistic endeavors.” Which, fine, yes, sure. But he also appears to be just about the most normal, well-adjusted very famous person in Hollywood, and everyone who works with him comes back raving about what a sweetheart he is. He keeps his buddies employed and eating. He plays with his dog. He wears sweatpants and basketball shorts 350 days a year. Once a decade he tries really hard and reminds everyone he’s insanely talented. It’s a pretty good life. Maybe the Sandman has things figured out pretty well.
It says a lot about where my brain is at after six months of quarantine, but I… I would watch Fart Vacation? Yes. Yes, I would.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — I will watch this movie
Two things worth noting right off the top:
This is the video for “Gravel Pit” by Wu-Tang Clan, and I must insist you watch it before you continue reading, only because it is completely nuts and ends with a Tyrannosaurus rex eating an evil ninja, which is the second most Wu-Tang thing in the video, just behind Ghostface wearing head-to-toe white fur in a damn prehistoric rock quarry
It is relevant here and now because RZA is working on a movie about the time Pharmabro Martin Shkreli paid $2 million to purchase the only copy of a Wu-Tang album.
[Brittany Runs a Marathon helmer Paul Downs] Colaizzo has already done his own pass on the script, which follows the auction for Wu-Tang Clan’s seventh studio album and its aftermath. Once Upon a Time in Shaolin was recorded in secret over a period of six years, and a single two-CD copy was pressed in 2014. It was stored in a secure vault in Morocco before selling to Shkreli for a reported $2 million the following year. In March 2018, a federal court seized control of the album following Shkreli’s conviction for securities fraud, which required him to forfeit millions of dollars in various assets.
I will, of course, watch this movie. As soon as it is made available to me. Earlier, if we want to break in and steal the completed copy from the studio before it hits theaters, which conveniently brings us to one of the best tweets ever written: the fake, Photoshop-produced clause in the contract that tricked half the world into thinking the Wu-Tang Clan was going to heist their record back, which is now what I want this movie to be about.
Forget the $2M, this is easily the most interesting part of the whole deal between Wu-Tang and Martin Shkreli. pic.twitter.com/5nSshXhjnJ
It’s kind of a bummer that the tweet is fake. Luckily, that bummer is softened a bit by this very real excerpt from the jury selection process at Shkreli’s trial. Please go read the whole thing, only after you’ve watched the “Gravel Pit” video, but start with this bit, which gets more beautiful with every sentence.
JUROR NO. 77: You’d have to convince me he was innocent rather than guilty.
THE COURT: I will excuse this juror. Hello, Juror Number 125.
JUROR NO. 125: I’ve read extensively about Martin’s shameful past and his ripping off sick people and it hits close to me. I have a mother with epilepsy, a grandmother with Alzheimer’s, and a brother with multiple sclerosis. I think somebody that’s dealt in those things deserves to go to jail.
THE COURT: Just to be clear, he’s not being charged with anything relating to the pricing of pharmaceuticals.
JUROR NO. 125: I understand that, but I already sense the man is guilty.
THE COURT: Well, I’m going to excuse you. Juror Number 144, tell us what you have heard.
JUROR NO. 144: I heard through the news of how the defendant changed the price of a pill by up-selling it. I heard he bought an album from the Wu-Tang Clan for a million dollars.
THE COURT: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that?
JUROR NO. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.
THE COURT: You are Juror Number 144 and we will excuse you. Come forward, Juror Number 155.
JUROR NO. 155: I have read a lot of articles about the case. I think he is as guilty as they come.
THE COURT: Then I will excuse you from this case. Juror Number 10, please come forward.
JUROR NO. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.
I want to buy Juror 144 a lobster dinner.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Go sit under a tree and read a book this weekend
Merlin Films
I’ve said it many times but I’ll say it again here: There is a lot going on right now. Too much. Look at this week alone: two hurricanes in the Gulf, wildfires in California, ongoing pandemic, increasingly ugly political campaigns, and massive unrest and uncertainty over the intersection of police and race, the last of which resulted in multiple NBA teams taking part in a wildcat strike during the NBA Playoffs. Any single one of those things is a lot, and the crazy thing is that the relentless chaos of the last six months has made a lot of us almost numb to the importance of them. Like, I know they’re important, very much, and I’m trying to be sure I keep telling myself that, but also, it’s kind of like we’ve all been living inside a rave since March — NEON LIGHTS! THUMPING MUSIC! IS THAT GUY PUKING INTO A SHOE? THUNKTHUNKBEEPTHUNK! — and any new stimuli are just getting swallowed up in the noise. Like tossing a bucket of water into the ocean.
It is understandable if you are very fried and very on edge, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. My recommendation is for you to log the hell off and go sit under a tree with a book for a while this weekend. I don’t know where you live but I live in Eastern Pennsylvania and Sunday looks gorgeous. I’m going to grab an iced tea as big as my head and go sit in a park for like three hours with some beachy crime novel — I’ve been reading Donald Westlake’s Dortmunder series lately, which is all about a group of doofus criminals trying to steal stuff and watching their plan go to hell in a parade of goofs misadventure, and is very on-brand for me — and try to turn the noise in my head down to a low hum for a little.
Please consider doing the same, or something similar. This can’t be healthy for our brains, all of… everything. There’s a lot of stuff still worth addressing and stuff that badly needs dealing with, but I worry a lot of us are thisclose to becoming one of those lunatics you see online who are screaming at no one in particular in the produce section of a grocery store. Go outside. Put your phone in your pocket and leave it there. Drink some iced tea. Just for a little. Come back fresh and ready on Monday.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Don:
I remember seeing your batman/joker theory before and overthinking this then, but you reupped it so I figured I should ask you:
Which actor most defies your theory; is both a Batman AND a Joker, could pull off playing both characters, and why haven’t they yet come up with a movie where the same actor played both? I’d watch that movie twice.
I’m pretty sure it’s Rob Lowe. But I’ll hang up and listen to your thoughts.
Don is referring to this article from earlier in the week, in which I expanded on my long-held theory that every actor is either a Batman or a Joker. And he touches on something I forgot to mention in there. So it’s a very helpful email.
A Joker can play Batman, but a Batman can’t play Joker. Look at the actors I classified as Batmen: Will Smith, Chris Evans, Michael B. Jordan. Try to picture them as the Joker. Doesn’t work. But now look at the actors I identified as Jokers: Shia LeBeouf, Lakeith Stanfield, Tilda Swinton. They would be fascinating Batmen. I know this to be true because Val Kilmer and Michael Keaton have both played Batman in believable ways despite being Jokers deep in their soul. I can’t explain it beyond that. You’re either with me or you’re not. Either way is fine.
To answer the final question: It’s Jake Gyllenhaal. He has the Batman look and ability to play reserved characters, but is also a complete lunatic. I mean…
A Fresno man is in custody, accused of taking part in an elaborate scheme that involved the theft of $300,000 in pistachios from a Terra Bella farm and trying to sell them in Madera, the Tulare County Sheriff’s Office reported Wednesday.
PISTACHIO HEIST.
Detectives say that Bhavna Singh Sekon, 23, was part of a scheme that involved stealing the identity of a legitimate trucking company and taking possession of two tractor-trailer loads of pistachios valued at nearly $300,000.
WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO WITH $300,000 WORTH OF PISTACHIOS
QUESTION MARK
QUESTION MARK
Tulare County detectives were called Aug. 14 to Setten Pistachio in Terra Bella, where they learned of the theft. Instead of delivering the nuts, the thieves took them to an abandoned property in Selma, where they were repackaged, and sold to an unwitting buyer in Madera County, said sheriff’s spokeswoman Ashley Schwarm.
This is… this is diabolical. The evidence would all just get eaten. And it’s all profit. The biggest hassle would be packaging all those pistachios. That seems like a lot of work. But still. Kind of a genius plan.
Which raises the question: How did these pistachio thieves get caught? It seems like they thought of everything.
The plan went bad because the trailers were equipped with GPS tracking devices, leading to the recovery of the pistachios and the trailers.
I like to picture one guy named like Larry or Fred watching a screen with the truck’s location on it, like a cross between old-timey military radar and how you can see your Uber moving on the little map on tour phone, and as it goes off course he turns around to face his supervisor — also named Larry or Fred, but he has a cigar — and says “Sir… I think we have a problem.”
NBA 2K21 will be available next Friday, September 4, and we already have gotten word of the gameplay updates promised for the current-gen version, but on Friday, they dropped their latest trailer, this one showing what the MyCareer mode story will look like.
Your character, “Junior,” is the son of a hoops legend and goes from high school ball to one of 10 colleges that you can pick from –Michigan State, UConn, Florida, Gonzaga, Syracuse, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, UCLA, Villanova, and West Virginia. As has become expected in 2K’s career mode, a number of actors make appearances in the story, including Jesse Williams, Dijmon Hounsou, Mirelle Enos, and Michael K. Williams, along with interactions with cover athletes Damian Lillard and Zion Williamson.
On top of the reveal of the career journey you take prior to the NBA, the trailer also reveals the new neighborhood: 2K Beach. It features all of the customary spots in the 2K Neighborhood, but with a SoCal beach vibe.
It’s nice to see 2K continuing to go with a more traditional storyline after years of preposterous, “you’re a DJ who now gets an NBA tryout after playing a game in a park tournament” type things, and they’re clearly leaning hard into the concept of balancing building your own legacy with that of your father. It’ll be interesting to see how all of this plays out and, hopefully, they keep up what they did in last year’s game which is a more brief opening story mode before you begin your NBA career, allowing you to get to it in the Association.
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