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Hard Knocks was back this week, and we still don’t have full preseason games or full contact scrimmages. But hey, at least the quarterbacks can actually throw to the receivers now, right? That’s something. If they have competitive wind sprints next weeks I might shit my pants from the pure excitement.

With no football action to anchor the hijinks and repetitive drudgery this year it’s like watching a series of human interest stories adrift on the ocean, unmoored from the ship that was meant to hold them. I want to care about this third-string undrafted wide receiver, but do I dare get invested when I know I won’t be able to watch him muff a punt in a fourth quarter preseason game against Tampa Bay?? I thirst for those moments when Cinderella story meets cruel reality.

Okay, enough jibber jabber, let’s get to the depth chart.

Buff Coach

STARTER: Anthony Linn

SECOND: Sean McVay

McVay came out hot with this shirt off in episode one, but getting an eyeful of both yoked coaches in episode two I think I have to give Linn the slight edge in swolness. I’m just going to say it, I think McVay has skipped a few leg days. PC Principal lookin’ ass.

Aspirational Real Estate

STARTER: Jared Goff’s house

For just about everyone I know in Los Angeles, the worst part of living there other than the traffic is high rent and the prospect of basically never being able to afford a house. Meanwhile, Jared Goff has a pitch and putt in his yard:

Being an NFL quarterback: Nice work if you can get it.

Hey, Jared Goff’s brother, your hip turn is a little weak. “Squash the bug” with that back foot, man.

SECOND: Jalen Ramsey’s potential house.

This week treated us to a nice little package of shutdown corner Jalen Ramsey getting wooed by a real estate agent. Did you know that if you’re an NFL star, they decorate an open house with pictures of you and your family? Wild stuff. Also… is that actually a good thing? Who’s your agent, single white female?

Anyway, the house looked pretty good, though this felt like dubious quote attribution:

“Amenities include saltwater infinity pool, his and hers clawfoot tubs, subzero appliances, and pre-installed inspirational word art.”

Definitive Food Review

I miss the football action but I’m happy whenever Hard Knocks fills the hole with clips of large men talking about their favorite foods. I could watch that all day.

STARTER: “That branzino be fine though.” — Melvin Ingram III, on his favorite fish.

SECOND: “Taco Bell got wings now. I bet them joints smack.” — Jalen Ramsey

THIRD: “Fudge, man!” — Clay Johnston, seventh-round drafted rookie Rams linebacker

To be fair, I think that the third one may not have been an actual food review, it’s just the way Clay Johnston swears. I went to Wikipedia to find out whether Clay Johnston was Mormon and it didn’t say, but I did discover that he has three brothers named Kody, Kole, and Cade. He’s definitely Mormon, whether or not he knows it. (Sidenote: Do you think his parents dropped the K naming convention after two to keep from looking racist?)

Inspirational Quote From Strength Coach John Lott

Rookie running back Darius Bradwell showed up to Chargers camp weighing 253, up from his college playing weight of 235. For most people, it’s hard to say what difference 18 pounds will make on a person’s play without seeing that person actually play, but football coaches aren’t most people. They can tell just by looking at you whether you have “the right body.” So Darius Bradwell got sent down to Chargers strength coach John Lott (A+ strength coach name, by the way) for a pep talk.

STARTER: “This ain’t no pie-eatin’ contest!”

(This lack of preseason football is really taking its toll on Hard Knocks‘ watchability, which raises the question: what if it was a pie-eating contest?)

SECOND: “Don’t be eatin’ no stinkin’ tacos at midnight!”

(good thing the Chargers moved out of San Diego, eating tacos at midnight is the official civic pastime).

THIRD: “Tip your waiters!”

I actually don’t even know what that third one meant, I think John Lott’s catchphrase dispenser just got stuck. That happens with coaches some times — you have to take out their playbook and blow on it and put it back in.

First World Problem

STARTER: “I have to live in a hotel.”

Look, I’m not saying playing football for a living is an easy life, or that non-superstars don’t make all kinds of sacrifices and suffer hardships, but Hard Knocks dedicated an entire package to rookies complaining about living in a hotel. Really? You’re upset about living in a hotel? You come home to a made bed every day and when you get done using a towel you can throw it on the floor. Living in a hotel rules.

SECOND: “I got COVID from my nanny.”

As the resident grey beard, I’ll definitely be rooting for Andrew “The Juggernaut” Whitworth (knowing how f*cked my back is from playing rugby a few times a week until my mid-20s I truly can’t imagine being 100 pounds heavier and playing professional football into my late 30s), but I admit I almost choked on my drink when he revealed that his family got COVID from their nanny. And here I thought having to be simultaneous childcare providers, telecommuters, and homeschool teachers was a burden. But I guess the flipside is that you could always get COVID from your nanny. A grass-is-always-greener kind of sitch, I guess.

Inspirational Underdog

This one is damn near a pick ’em. It’s kind of a “choose your fighter” situation for the players on the bubble. Do you prefer the fat guy, the white guy, the surfer, or the goofball?

STARTER: Darius Bradwell, Chargers Rookie Running Back (the fat guy)

I just love a fat running back, man. Can’t get enough of ’em. Don’t you dare lose that weight, Bradwell. Stay swoll.

SECOND: Justin Herbert, Chargers Rookie Quarterback (the surfer)

To be fair, Herbert is a first-round pick, and thus not especially an underdog, not to mention an Oregonian, and thus probably more of a pretty boy than a surfer. Whatever, I’m sticking with my initial stereotypes. This week gave us both a package of Herbert trying to learn a snap-count and a loving montage dedicated to his glorious spirals (“I love his balls,” as one awed teammate put it last week). I don’t know whether I’m rooting for him or just rooting for the inevitable moment when those glorious spirals turn into glorious interceptions the first time Tyrod Taylor gets benched.

THIRD: Dont’e Deayon, journeyman cornerback, Rams (the goofball)

Hard Knocks is trying real hard to make Dont’e Deayon the comic relief this season. I don’t know that it’s working but I appreciate the effort.

FOURTH: Clay Johnston, seventh-round rookie Rams linebacker (the white guy)

Essentially the white equivalent of Dont’e Deayon. The very white equivalent. Fudge, man!

The James Harrison Memorial Award For Terrifying Swollness

STARTER: Still Aaron Donald

I didn’t appreciate the way Aaron Donald was all coy about taking his shirt off for the cameras this week. Let us objectify you in peace, you strong, strong man.
‘Hard Knocks’ airs every Tuesday on HBO. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

The Portland Trail Blazers rewarded those that put great faith in them despite being the 8-seed (like Charles Barkley) by beating the Lakers in a thrilling Game 1 that saw Damian Lillard do Dame things in the closing stretch to pull away from L.A.

The question now facing the Blazers is whether they can keep it going, particularly on defense where they were the beneficiaries of some horrific shooting from the Lakers role players — although, making those guys take shots is by design. Making this challenge more difficult is the news that arrived for Portland on Wednesday, as they learned Zach Collins, who sat out Game 1 is likely out for Games 2-4 as well with a Malleolar stress reaction in his ankle after having an MRI.

Collins will be re-evaluated in a week, but with the Blazers playing three games before then, it stands to reason he won’t be available until Game 5 at best. Wenyen Gabriel got the start for Collins in the opener and the Blazers had some great success deploying their two center lineup of Jusuf Nurkic and Hassan Whiteside when the Lakers went big with Dwight Howard or JaVale McGee. However, that does create some spacing problems on offense for Portland and Collins’ absence further shortens an already tight rotation at the four-spot.

Gunna continues to promote the deluxe version of his spring sophomore album, Wunna. After dropping videos for the title track and lead single, “Skybox,” his latest clip is a two-for-one deal, combining “200 For Lunch” and “Dirty Diana” into one opulent, vaguely NSFW video. The “Dirty Diana” half especially contains plenty of racy imagery to hide from your boss.

After releasing the deluxe edition of Wunna, the Atlanta artist followed up with a “Relentless” stream of new music, including the collaboration with Lil Uzi Vert that provided that last pun, the “Dollaz On My Head” video with Young Thug, an appearance on the deluxe version of DaBaby’s Blame It On Baby album, the “Wunna Flo” video with fellow Young Thug protege Yak Gotti, and the Internet Money-produced posse cut, “Lemonade” alongside Don Toliver and Nav.

Gunna also had appearances on singles from Lil Durk (“Gucci Gucci“) and Lil Keed (“Fox 5“) earlier this year, making him one of the busier artists throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

Watch Gunna’s “200 For Lunch” and “Dirty Diana” videos above.

Wunna (Deluxe) is out now via Young Stoner Life Records / 300 Entertainment. Stream it here.

Gunna is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

If nothing below suits your sensibilities, check out our guide to What You Should Watch On Streaming Right Now.

The Democratic National Convention (Everywhere, all night) — Tonight’s speakers for the remote political shindig include Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, and Gabrielle Giffords. Also expect to see Democratic VP nominee Kamala Harris and a performance by Billie Eilish. There’s sure to be plenty of fallout and reactions and maybe even a presidential tantrum (or five) during and in the aftermath.

High Score (Netflix documentary series) — The golden age of video games (think Pac-Man and Doom) gets a deep dive here with visionary artists and computer pioneers. Travel through Space Invaders, Final Fantasy, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat, Sonic the Hedgehog, and John Madden Football to learn how sheer innovation (almost inadvertently, strangely enough) constricted a multi-billion dollar industry.

DeMarcus Family Rules (Netflix series) — Jay DeMarcus of Rascal Flatts, his beauty queen wife, and their family show off their glamorous life in Nashville, and of course, things don’t always run too smoothly at home.

Late Show With Stephen Colbert: Senator Bernie Sanders

Jimmy KImmel Live: Zendaya, MUNA and The Knocks

Late Night With Seth Meyers Jason Sudeikis, Robert Costa

The Toronto Raptors needed a come from behind effort against the Brooklyn Nets on Wednesday afternoon to go up 2-0 in their first round series. Despite Brooklyn leading for essentially all of the game’s first three quarters, the Raptors were able to capitalize on 17 Nets turnovers and a late rally to come out on top, 104-99.

The Nets came out like a house of fire. Despite the fact that the team is shorthanded in the Bubble, Brooklyn showed the fight and resiliency that they’ve had from day one. They led for the entirety of the frame, leading by as many as 14 points midway through the quarter. The game did not stay that one-sided, though, because Toronto had Pascal Siakam, who scored 14 points on 5-for-7 shooting in the first. Siakam played a major role in the team’s 13-0 run that got them back into striking distance.

Still, behind a good quarter from Caris LeVert, a reliable 12 minutes from Jarrett Allen, and some hot shooting — 50 percent from the field, 5-for-9 from three — Brooklyn found itself ahead at the end of the first, 33-29.

The second quarter was defined largely by Brooklyn’s ability to figure something out when the Raptors looked primed to take the lead. Toronto tied things up or cut the Nets’ lead to one on numerous occasions, but each time, they’d be able to figure something out to get a little breathing room. That changed with 3:13 left in the quarter — after some wretched ball by both teams while the game was tied, Rodions Kurucs picked up a technical foul. Kyle Lowry made the free throw, and for the first time, the Raptors took the lead.

But even after that, the Nets were able to respond. Marc Gasol got a technical of his own, Brooklyn got a little breathing room, and thanks to Toronto going ice cold down the stretch — they only hit two shots from the field in the final six minutes of the quarter — the Nets brought a 53-50 lead into the locker room. Siakam led all scorers with 16, while LeVert stuffed the stat sheet, going for 12 points, seven assists, four rebounds, and a block.

Brooklyn starting the second quarter as locked in as they did the first. Lowry opened up the scoring with a triple, to which the Nets responded by ripping off 10 points in a row. The good news for the Raptors, though, is that they employ Fred VanVleet, who kept things from getting out of hand. He single-handedly went on a 10-2 run that steadied the waters as things were beginning to look a bit choppy and rendered the Nets’ lead moot.

Still, Brooklyn kept doing just enough to keep the Raptors at bay. Temple, in particular, did a great job hitting shots — the grizzled veteran forward had 15 points in the quarter, oftentimes giving the Nets an answer whenever Toronto would begin threatening. The 80-74 lead Brooklyn held through three was also aided by shooting woes for their opponents. One of the league’s premier three-point shooting squads, the Raptors only hit nine of their 31 attempts from deep for a paltry 29 percent success rate.

The game’s familiar thread of “Toronto threatens, Brooklyn comes up with an answer” continued early on in the fourth. But ultimately, the Raptors were able to get over the hump at the 8-minute mark following a pair of free throws by OG Anunoby. And from that point on, Toronto showed off its championship mettle, while the Nets were struck by sloppiness and an inability to hit shots.

The most impressive part might have been the players to take them home — as Tim Bontemps of ESPN noted, Nick Nurse turned to a seldom-used lineup to see out their win.

And yet despite all of this, Brooklyn had a chance to win. Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot hit a triple with 40 seconds left to pull the Nets to within three, and on the ensuing Toronto possession, Brooklyn was able to force a shot clock violation with 15 seconds left on the clock. But sloppiness did the Nets in, as a turnover led to an uncontested dunk for Norman Powell.

VanVleet and Powell led the way, with both scoring 24 points. The former added 10 assists and five rebounds, while the latter pulled in six boards. Lowry’s 21 points and nine rebounds were big, as were the 19 points for Siakam. The Nets had six players in double-digits — led by Temple’s 21 — but outside of them, the team score five points. Still, Allen and Joe Harris had matching double-doubles (14 points, 15 rebounds), while LeVert had a double-double in his own right, going for 16 points and 11 dimes.

Game 3 in this series will take place on Friday afternoon. It’s scheduled to tip at 1:30 p.m. EST on NBATV.

HBO’s new breakout series Lovecraft Country may be filled with terrifying creatures like Shoggoth and Cthulhu, but actress Jurnee Smollet wants to make it very clear that there is a much greater threat than the show’s horrifying monsters: racism.

“It affects your livelihood and it affects you on every single level,” Smollet told a Television Critics Association panel. “Our heroes essentially are going on a quest to bring down White supremacy. We are still on that quest today in 2020 as Black Americans. Racism is such a demonic spirit — it’s something that we are still fighting off.”

While Lovecraft Country is especially poignant given the Black Lives Matter protests following the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, Smollett isn’t a fan of referring to the show as “timely,” and she makes a very good point as to why. While sitting down for an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Smollet notes that the show would be relevant in 1619 as it is today due to systemic racism that has gone on for generations.

The setting for Lovecraft Country only further proves Smollett’s point that tackling racism will be timely at any point in America’s history. Taking place in the 1950s, the series prominently features “sundown towns,” a Jim Crow-era relic where Blacks were not permitted in certain towns after sundown. However, while Smollett is correct that calling Lovecraft Country timely brushes over centuries of white supremacy, the horror show is connecting with modern audiences in a big way. The debut drew similar numbers to HBO’s Watchmen, another critically-acclaimed series that wove America’s racist atrocities like the Tulsa Massacre into its narrative.

Lovecraft Country airs Sunday nights on HBO.

(Via UPI)

David Sikabwe, a student at the University of Texas who performs under the name Going Spaceward, put a modern twist on the Frank Sinatra classic “Fly Me to the Moon” and it’s both nerdy and romantic.

Sikabwe added a rap verse to the swinging ditty first popularized by Ol’ Blue Eyes in 1964 and, while at first it sounds like an awkward idea, it fits great. A big reason is Sikabwe’s smooth cadence that’s reminiscent of the rapping in “Hamilton.”

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“Fly Me to the Moon” with an original rap verse

www.youtube.com

Sikabwe’s lyrics combine a deep knowledge of science with some romantic woo-ing that would have made Sinatra proud.

LYRICS:

They say that every day, the universe expands

and we discover certain things that we don’t understand.

Dark matter ain’t the only mystery at hand

I’m wondrin’ how I got a girl like you to say that I’m her man

It’s a statistical anomaly, but girl, you’ve got me

Gravity is pulling me to your heavenly body

No astronomical phenomenon could ever stop me

You’ve got a smile that every star in the galaxy copied

The constellations couldn’t make as beautiful a pattern

The conversations—every night, I ring you up like Saturn

The telescopes tell us folks that you’re the coolest view

A supernova’s scootin’ over to make room for you

’cause you eclipse every wonder of the cosmos

It’s almost unfair to them, but you’re the one I want most

It’s a miracle that Galileo never found you

If he did, he’d say the universe revolved around you

A billboard in Louisville, Kentucky’s Irish Hill neighborhood calling for justice for Breonna Taylor has been defaced by vandals. The vandals splashed red paint on the image of Taylor’s face, making it look like a gunshot to the forehead.

No one is sure of the vandals’ intent, but the defaced image of Taylor has turned the billboard into an even more powerful reminder that the officers involved in her murder have yet to face justice.

Editor’s Note: Some readers may find the following image to be upsetting.

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via WTKR News 3

Taylor, a Black emergency medical technician, was killed when three officers opened fire on her in her apartment. Only one officer has been fired for the incident.

The plainclothes police were serving a “no-knock” narcotics warrant which took her boyfriend, Kennet Walker, a registered gun owner, by surprise. Assuming that the intruders were attempting to rob them, Walker opened fire and shot one of the officers in the leg.

The police returned fire killing Taylor. No narcotics were found in the apartment.

Walker was cleared of all charges in the incident. Taylor’s murder has led to countless protests over the past five months. But, according to Kentucky officials, the incident is still under investigation.

Last week, Taylor’s mother, Tamika Palmer, met with Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer and Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron, to discuss the investigation into the killing.

“One hundred and fifty days,” Palmer said at a news conference. “Every day is still March the 13th.”

Palmer was asked what she learned from the attorney general about the probe.

“Just that he wants to have the right answer at the end of this,” Palmer said. “He doesn’t want to rush through it. So for me, I’m trying to accept that and be patient with that. Because I definitely want him to come out with the right answer.”

The defaced billboard was one of 26 placed in Louisville by officials from O, Oprah Winfrey’s magazine, to keep the investigation top-of-mind with the community and pressure officials for justice.

“Demand that the police involved in killing Breonna Taylor be arrested and charged,” the billboard reads.

It also has a quote from Oprah Winfrey: “If you turn a blind eye to racism, you become an accomplice to it.”

Winfrey isn’t the only celebrity keeping Taylor’s death in the public eye while the investigation drags on.

Some of the Los Angeles Lakers donned striking, red MAGA hats as they left the Disneyland Hotel on Tuesday. The hats had the “Great Again” portion Donald Trump’s notorious slogan crossed out and “Arrest the Cops who Killed Breonna Taylor” scrawled in white beneath it.

Lakers star LeBron James explained the meaning behind the hats, telling reporters that Taylor “had a bright future and her life was taken away from her and there’ve been no arrests and no justice, not only for her but for her family. And we want to continue to shed light on that situation, which was unjust. That’s what it’s about.”

Earlier this week, Ariana Grande celebrated two years since she released her acclaimed record Sweetener. Now, the singer is celebrating another major milestone. According to Chart Data, Grande has officially surpassed Rihanna as Spotify’s most-streamed female artist of all time. To celebrate the feat, Grande pressed Rihanna for new music.

The singer took to Instagram to thank her fans for the support, but that’s not all Grande said. The singer also urged Rihanna to release her upcoming ninth studio record so that she can once again be the most-streamed artist. “now can rihanna pls drop her album so she can rightfully snatch this back and fill my ears again please or,” she wrote.

Grande is the latest to join in on pressuring Rihanna for new music. Even the singer herself is in on the joke, recently trolling her internet doppelganger about dropping an album. “where the album sis? #R9,” she wrote. Rihanna actually did recently give an update about the status of her impending release. Back in July, the singer revealed in an interview that her upcoming project is going to be worth the wait: “I am always working on music. I am always working on music and when I’m ready to put it out in the way that I feel fit, it’s gonna come out. And you’re not going to be disappointed when it happens. It’s going to be worth it. I’m not just gonna put it out just because people are waiting. It’s taken this long, I’m gonna make it worth it.”

See Grande’s celebratory Instagram post above.

My favorite review (besides our own) of I May Destroy You, Michaela Coel’s incredible series about assault and consent and the danger of eating an entire bag of McDonald’s too quickly, came from Seth Rogen, who tweeted, “I recommend watching I May Destroy You on HBO because holy shit it’s good.” To the point. My second favorite review is: “Michaela Coel’s cheekbones are the only structure this country has rn” (it’s Michaela approved!). And my third favorite comes from musician/actress Janelle Monáe.

In an interview with Variety, Monáe praised “fellow android” Cole for “exploring what it means to be human… Watching Michaela be vulnerable on-screen as she walks in her truth gives me and so many the bravery to walk in ours.” The Grammy-nominated “Pynk” singer, who will soon appear in the time-bending horror film Antebellum, also pointed out that it’s “rare that you see a Black woman writing, directing, and starring in their own TV show centered around the trauma she experienced.” Speaking of that rare distinction…

Coel turned down a $1 million offer from Netflix for I May Destroy You after the streamer refused to give her a percentage of the copyright, and while she says she isn’t “anti-Netflix,” she is “pro-the creator, writer, director, actor should probably have a right.”

The I May Destroy You series finale airs next Monday.

(Via Variety)