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Before we begin, let’s be clear about something: Donald Trump and Joe Biden, the two nominees for the two major American political parties in the upcoming presidential election, would both be horrible UFC fighters. They’re both old guys who don’t seem particularly strong or fast or athletic, and it stands to reason that neither are trained in any mixed martial art. If you know Biden or Trump and can attest to them knowing Brazilian jiu-jitsu or something, please, reach out.

Anyway, now that the very obvious disclaimer is out of the way, Trump held a rally in Arizona on Wednesday, six days before Election Day 2020. We’ll move past everything from “this is assuredly in violation of CDC guidelines” to “he held one in Nebraska last night in which people were left outside to freeze and a few had to be hospitalized” so we can dive into one particular thing he said. Behold:

White is a well-documented Trump supporter, having giving a very public endorsement during the 2016 Republican National Convention. Having said this, it is unclear exactly how or why this conversation happened — it is, of course, an extremely Guy thing to muse about hypothetical fights. But it is, and I am editorializing here, very weird that one septuagenarian asked this about another septuagenarian. Also unclear: Was this asked through the lens of of Biden and Trump fighting, or is this Biden stepping into the Octagon against, like, Jon Jones and being asked to fend for himself?

If it was the latter, then yes, I agree wholeheartedly, Joe Biden would probably be in trouble. If it is the former, I cannot imagine that fight would be good at all, although it does bear mentioning that Biden once jokingly said he would challenge Trump to a push-up contest on stage if the president challenged the former vice president’s age or mental capacity to serve. Anyway, Election Day is in six days, and you can head to Vote.org for everything you might need as we approach next Tuesday.

The Atlanta Falcons are the NFL’s greatest performance artists and will stop at nothing in their quest to lose games in increasingly ridiculous ways. They have, to date, blown a 19-point fourth quarter lead to the Cowboys thanks in large part to the worst onside kick coverage in NFL history, blown a 26-10 fourth quarter lead to the Chicago Bears offense that can’t score, and, on Sunday, lost on a last second touchdown from the Detroit Lions because on the previous drive the Falcons accidentally scored a touchdown to allow Detroit to get the ball back with enough time to drive down the field.

That accidental touchdown came from running back Todd Gurley, who has a rather incredible history of making the correct decision to fall down short of the goal line in that exact situation in years past, but because he is now on the Falcons he is incapable of stopping himself from reaching the disaster scenario. In case that wasn’t bad enough, NFL Films happened to have quarterback Matt Ryan mic’d up on Sunday and video emerged on Wednesday of Ryan explicitly telling Gurley to get the first down but don’t score, emphasizing the don’t score part multipel times before breaking the huddle. Ryan’s reaction as he watches helplessly as Gurley falls into the end zone while trying to stop himself is perfect.

It’s a tough spot for Gurley who seems to expect to be tackled by the defender and the natural instinct of fighting that carries him closer to the goal line and then the defender just kind of lets up which leads him to stumble his way until it’s too late to stop his momentum and he lands on the goal line to the delight of Lions defenders.

It has been a great week for Mic’d Up segments, as we got the tremendous reaction of Budda Baker to being chased down by DK Metcalf on Sunday night, and now get to see the absolute pinnacle of Falcon-ness — being told explicitly not to do the one thing that could result in a loss and then doing exactly that accidentally. It’s the cherry on top of the horrific sundae that is this Falcons loss for Atlanta fans, who now have to watch their team play once again on Thursday Night Football against the Panthers in a standalone spot on the sports calendar where, surely, nothing can go catastrophically wrong.

Holidate (Netflix film) — Here we go, everyone. The holiday season has officially begun, according to Netflix, which drops a romantic comedy starring Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey. Both their characters loathe the holidays, including family gatherings and friend-loaded celebrations, so despite being strangers, they make a pact to do the “holidate” thing with each other for a full year. Because this is a romcom, they will obviously vow to never have romantic feelings for each other, but you know how that always ends, right? Oh, let’s just embrace the clichés, already. It’s 2020.

Devils (CW, 8:00pm EST) — The Irish crisis leads to conflict between Massimo and his traders. Meanwhile, Dominic’s trap is causing chaos, and Vicky’s doing some interrogating while Massimo’s all upset about a promotion. Whew.

Coroner (CW, 9:00pm EST) — Two grisly suburbian deaths torment Jenny, and an unreliable witness isn’t helping matters at all.

Archer (FXX, 10:00pm EST) — Antarctica is the chosen destination for Archer and the gang to tackle a murder mystery, which ends up doing international.

Late Show With Stephen Colbert — Jaime Harrison, Elvis Costello

Jimmy Kimmel Live — David Letterman, Gillian Jacobs, Gracie Abrams

The Late Late Show With James Corden — Chelsea Handler, CL

Late Night With Seth Meyers — Bette Midler, Bryan Washington

In case you need some Adam Sandler in your life before Halloween:

Hubie Halloween (Netflix film) — This movie might be wonderfully funny escapism for you, or it might be Adam Sandler’s revenge for not receiving an Oscar nomination for Uncut Gems. Perhaps it can be both things? Regardless of intent from the Sandman, settle in for the latest Happy Madison production, which follows Sandler’s Hubie Dubois, a Halloween safety crusader who gets sucked into a murder mystery. Kevin James and Kenan Thompson play cops, and more co-stars include Julie Bowen, Ray Liotta, Noah Schnapp, Steve Buscemi, and Maya Rudolph.

Sales numbers don’t lie. Grabbing a burger at McDonald’s is still an incredibly common piece of the American experience. For some of us, it’s an economic necessity. For others, it’s all about nostalgia. Or maybe those famous fries are part of your personal a cheat day meal.

Whatever the case, the Arches are still a major player in the fast-food conversation.

Since so many of us are prone to hitting up Mickey D’s for a quick bite, we thought we’d rank the best burgers on their menu. Not the special releases, mind you — we’re talking about the nine burgers that are on the chain’s national burger menu. Other than that caveat, our methodology is pretty simple. Which one hits those umami-comfort notes we crave? Which stand up, without having to add or take away a component? Which has the flat out best flavor?

That’s the question of the day and we’re taking it head-on. Let’s go!

9. Hamburger

Average Price: $1.59
Calories: 250

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, pickle, and minced white onion.

Burger:

This is one of the most simple burgers on the list and in fast food overall. But it’s in that simplicity where this burger falters. There’s very little “there” there when it comes to both either appetizing or filling. It’s… a little bland. Though the simplicity of the pickle and onion is a nice touch.

Bottom Line:

Even if this is on the Dollar Menu, it still feels like you need three or four of these to feel full. And that’s way too many calories for the flavor you get.

8. Big Mac

Average Price: $5.49
Calories: 550

Toppings:

Shredded iceberg, Big Mac sauce, one slice of American cheese, pickles, and minced white onion.

Burger:

This is the burger that made McDonald’s a powerhouse in the fast-food space. Does it hold up? Not really. It’s big but in all the wrong ways. The extra bun in the middle really doesn’t add much besides an almost-cardboard texture. The Big Mac sauce is great but gets lost with all that bread.

Bottom Line:

Order this without the extra bun in the middle and add an extra slice of cheese and you’ll have a much better burger experience.

7. McDouble

Average Price: $2.69
Calories: 400

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, one slice of American cheese, pickle, and minced white onion.

Burger:

This is a standard McDonald’s Hamburger with an extra patty with cheese added. That, in theory, sounds like a great upgrade from the regular old hamburger. But there’s a baffling lack of a second cheese slice that knocks this burger down in any ranking. How often have you ordered this mistakenly — thinking it was a Double Cheeseburger (hey, ordering high can be hard sometimes) — and then realizing your mistake once you unwrapped this disappointing double burger with a single slice of cheese?

Bottom Line:

Who (soberly) orders this instead of the double cheeseburger? Honestly? When does anyone ever decided they want a double cheeseburger with double the meat but not double the cheese?

6. Quarter Pounder with Cheese Bacon

Average Price: $6.59
Calories: 630

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, two slices of American cheese, bacon, pickles, and sliced white onion.

Burger:

The Quarter Pounder is a very solid hamburger. Bacon cheeseburgers are a wonderful indulgence every now and then. However, McDonald’s rubbery and lackluster attempt at “bacon” is always such a disappointment. Who would have thought that bacon could bring the Quarter Pounder so low?

Bottom Line:

The play here is to replace the ketchup and mustard with BBQ sauce when you order. That way, you’ll have a McJordan throwback to the early 1990s that works better with the limp bacon.

5. Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Average Price: $7.29
Calories: 740

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, two slices of American cheese, pickle, and sliced white onion.

Burger:

This is a big double cheeseburger. Again, the Quarter Pounder is a very solid sandwich. The only reason this is lower than the other Quarter Pounders on the list is that this burger gets a bit unwieldy. That second meat patty is always sloppy and your hands are left a mess.

Bottom Line:

This is a pretty tasty burger, albeit a gut-bomb. It’s just a lot. You could eat a ten-ounce steak for about the same amount of calories and get two more ounces of protein. Just sayin’.

4. Cheeseburger

Average Price: $1.59
Calories: 300

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, one slice of American cheese, pickle, and minced white onion.

Burger:

It’s hard to argue with the McDonald’s Cheeseburger. Sure, it’s small and you almost always need to order two (or more). But it’s also a testament to how much heavy-lifting a single slice of American cheese can do on a hamburger, especially when you compare this to the classic hamburger.

Bottom Line:

Another testament to this cheeseburger is that you can smoosh two of them together and still have a tastier sandwich than a Big Mac. Bready, yes. But a full-fledged (stoner) classic.

3. Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Average Price: $5.49
Calories: 520

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, two slices of Amerian cheese, pickle, and sliced white onion.

Burger:

The Quarter Pounder with Cheese is the classic McDonald’s burger that their ad execs think the Big Mac is. This takes all the best elements of a McDonald’s burger with cheese — simple toppings, simple assembly — and makes it meal size.

Bottom Line:

You don’t need more than one of these burgers, which is a testament to McDonald’s, where a two cheeseburger meal is the norm. Still, it’s just a simple McDonald’s burger.

2. Quarter Pounder with Cheese Deluxe

Average Price: $6.19
Calories: 630

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, two slices of American cheese, Roma tomatoes, leaf lettuce, pickles, and sliced white onion.

Burger:

This is as close as you’ll get to a classic cheeseburger as you’ll get at McDonald’s. The addition of diner burger toppings and mayo works on the more traditional Quarter Pounder with Cheese and, yes, elevates it just above most of the competition.

Bottom Line:

The only reason this isn’t number one is that the lettuce has a short shelf life. Let this one sit a little too long (or don’t ask for it to be made-to-order) and that lettuce will wilt. Nobody wants that.

1. Double Cheeseburger

Average Price: $2.99
Calories: 450

Toppings:

Ketchup, mustard, two slices of American cheese, pickle, minced white onion.

Burger:

While value wasn’t really a component of this list, you can’t beat the Double Cheeseburger’s price. This is a simple and very handleable double cheeseburger that hits every mark just right.

Bottom Line:

This burger feels like it’s the only one on the list where nothing can go wrong, nothing needs to be added, and nothing needs to be removed. It’s perfect just the way it is, every single time. More importantly, you don’t feel as bad grabbing a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger as you do a Quarter Pounder, since it’s so much lighter.

If you’ve watched HBO’s documentary The Vow, you’re familiar with Keith Raniere. The 60-year-old founded and ran NXIVM (pronounced “nexium”), a sex cult that masqueraded as an expensive, exclusive self-help group, but which appears to have served as a way for Raniere to get his rocks off while controlling and manipulating young women.

Raniere was convicted by a jury in July of 2019 of a host of crimes that include racketeering, sex trafficking, and sexual exploitation of a child, according to CNN. On Tuesday, he was handed a sentence of 120 years in prison by a federal court in Brooklyn. U.S. District Judge Nicholas Garaufis also forbade Raniere from having any contact with NXIVM associates and fined him $1.75 million for his crimes, which Garaufis described as “cruel, perverse, and extremely serious.”

The Daily Beast described the bizarre NXIVM cult as “an ultra-secretive organization that preached personal growth through sacrifice” and that had amassed an estimated 17,000 members since it started in 1998. Raniere was a charismatic leader who used the lure of the organization to indoctrinate women, pressure them into have sex with him, and engage in various forms of abuse. In a disturbing twist, the organization was largely run by women, and five of them—including Smallville actress Allison Mack and heiress to the Seagram’s fortune Clare Bronfman—were charged along with Raniere, some pleading guilty to the racketeering and forced labor charges.

More than a dozen victims either spoke out or issued statements at Raniere’s sentencing, including a woman who was just 15 years old when Raniere began having sex with her—or more accurately, raping her, based on her age. She said psychologically and emotionally manipulated her, leading her to cut herself off from her family. He also took nude photos of her, which led to his child pornography charge.

“While he hid our sexual relationship from others, he explained it to me by telling me that I was very mature for my age. And I know now that it was false—I was a child,” her victim impact statement read. “He used my innocence to do whatever he wanted with me—not just sexually but also psychologically.”

Another woman who spoke out, Kristen Keeffe, has a 13-year-old son with Raniere. She worked in NXIVM’s legal department for a decade, and once she broke away from Raniere’s grip, she went into hiding with her son for four years. “My child will never get back the years we spent in hiding,” she said.

Testimonies included stories of “women’s empowerment group” within NXIVM, which victims allege was a master-slave program in which women were forced to obey, have sex with Raniere, and to brand his initials into their skin with a cautery pen without anesthesia. Followers referred to him as “Vanguard,” and saw him as an “evolved” guru of sorts, according to NPR. He promised women that he and the organization would help them get control of their lives, but then ended up controlling their lives.

“You’re a liar and a sadist for getting pleasure watching our skins burn,” India Oxenberg, daughter of Dynasty actress Catherine Oxenberg and NXIVM member for seven years, said to Raniere at the sentencing. “I may have to live the rest of my life with Keith Raniere’s initials on my skin.” She also called Raniere a “racist” and a “sexual predator,” and said that he had forced her to lose so much weight that she stopped menstruating.

For his part, Raniere maintains that he is innocent of the charges. Prosecutors wrote that in his communications with his supporters (yes, he still has some), Raniere “repeatedly attempts to cast himself as a victim of persecution and harassment from the government and from unknown enemies.”

According to CNN, Raniere wrote in a November 2019 email shared in a prosecutors’ memo “It is tragic the current organization has been stymied by a few envious men abusing position of power in government, media, and film; some women who didn’t live up to their sacred honor and vows; and people in general who just feel threatened by this idea.”

At Tuesday’s sentencing, Raniere expressed vague remorse for the pain of his victims, yet still maintained his innocence. “I am deeply sorry and I see that where I am is caused by me I am deeply remorseful and repentant,” he said. “It is true I am not remorseful over the crimes I do not believe I have committed at all. But I am deeply remorseful of all this pain.”

The pain runs deep and the descriptions of the victim’s statements here are just the tip of the iceberg. “I can still hear his voice in my head” one victim said in her statement as her voice shook. “He robbed me of my youth. He used my innocence to do whatever he wanted with me.”

With 120-year sentence, Raniere thankfully won’t have the opportunity to victimize any more women for the rest of his life.

Back in 2018 (a billion years ago), Spotify pulled The Alex Jones Show podcast from its platform “for violating our hate policy.” The move followed a threatened boycott from Spotify users, and the music streaming giant wasn’t alone in its move. Almost in unison, YouTube and Facebook banned and/or pulled the far-right conspiracy theorist’s content from their platforms for violating community standards, and now, Jones is causing a ruckus for Spotify again. This time, it’s down to Joe Rogan (who recently transplanted to Austin while moving to Spotify as part of a reported $100 million deal) inviting Jones (who also lives in Austin) onto The Joe Rogan Experience.

Naturally, this shindig turned into three hours of Jones spewing theories to millions of Rogan fans. This wasn’t the first time these two had met, of course, although when Rogan first ported over to Spotify, the far-right threw a fit over the Infowars host’s previous visits going missing from the archive. With Jones making an appearance for Rogan, it seems like the far-right is probably happy right now. Here’s a telling visual from comedian Tim Dillon (wearing a “Free Ghislaine” t-shirt in support of Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged madam), who was also in attendance.

The trio chatted about Jones’ anti-vax-and-and-mask stances, and at the very beginning of this three-hour video, Rogan and Jones both state their belief that Rudy Giuliani was “set up” in Borat 2. Rogan then stated that “nothing happened” while diving into his theory that Giuliani might have a “bad back,” which is why he reclined on the bed while reaching down his pants. What?

Giuliani stuff aside, people are pretty steamed to see Jones, who has remained unrepentant for his harmful Sandy Hook conspiracy theories, receive such a large platform for his misinformation. The backlash has started anew:

There’s been no official statement from Spotify on the matter, although months ago, Jones claimed that he had spoken to Rogan about the missing episodes from his back catalogue on Spotify. As Jones told his audience, those episodes are (according to Rogan, says Jones) staying on YouTube for a strategic reason:

“Here’s the key. Joe Rogan’s favorite 100 episodes of the last 10 years or so will be left on YouTube starting December 31 when he goes exclusively to Spotify. For this couple months no man’s land the content will be on both platforms and will be migrating over. And so that’s why the Alex Jones interview is not there. That’s why some of the other interviews are not there, because those are going to be the exclusive interviews that are left on YouTube where, in Joe’s words, they’ll probably get more views than if they were on Spotify.”

As for whether the new Joe Rogan-Alex Jones meetup will be left to stand on Spotify, only time will tell.

In recent days, there have been rumors that UK music stars Adele and Skepta are officially dating. For example, People published a report today in which they cite a source who says, “Things have been heating up. They run in the same circles in London and she’s having fun.” Now, Adele (who filed for divorce from her now-ex-husband in 2019) has addressed the situation, and she indicated that she isn’t currently dating Skepta or anybody else.

Adele shared a photo of herself during her recent opening monologue on Saturday Night Live and wrote a message thanking everybody on the show for helping her have a positive experience. Towards the end, she referred to herself as a “(single) cat lady”:

“Had the best time on SNL! Thank you to the most wonderful cast, crew, writers and producers. What a sublime bunch of people you are. Lorne thank you for believing in me! Lindsay my sister for life, Maya my comedy and Mama hero! Plus the so up for it audiences at both the dress rehearsal and live show! I did it for the joy of it and I hope you got some from it too! Good luck with the election America I love you so much. Look after each other and go easy on yourselves. Happy Halloween! I’m going back to my cave now to be the (single) cat lady that I am! Peace out til next year.”

The last sentence of her caption is also worth addressing (“Peace out til next year”), as that could be taken as a hint that Adele will drop new music in 2021. Before the pandemic, there were multiple indications that Adele would have a new album in 2020, but that has yet to happen.

Despite the celebration around the Dodgers’ first World Series victory in 32 years, many of the headlines in the aftermath of Game 6 on Tuesday night centered around the peculiar handling of All-Star third baseman Justin Turner’s infection with the coronavirus. Now, it appears MLB will investigate Turner’s actions as the Dodgers celebrated their win.

A new statement from the league shows that Turner was instructed to isolate from Dodgers players and staff in order to keep others safe once it became clear Turner tested positive for COVID-19. Rather than doing so, Turner openly violated league policy, with reports suggesting he intentionally disregarded rules agreed on between MLB and its players in order to be on the field celebrating with his team postgame.

“When MLB Security raised the matter of being on the field with Turner, he emphatically refused to comply,” the statement says.

While it was shocking to many watching the festivities to see Turner without a mask next to his teammates as they posed for photos, or kissing his wife on-field, MLB’s statement shows that Turner seemed to clearly break league protocols on top of being unsafe. That could be the grounds for a more serious punishment given from MLB to Turner or the Dodgers.

Fortunately, as the statement above notes, nobody from the Dodgers or Rays seems to have showed signs of the virus in any of the tests administered in the hours since Los Angeles’ Game 6 win.

The NBA’s Board of Governors is currently working through a plan and proposal for the 2020-21 season that would bring the start of the season back to December 22, saving the coveted Christmas Day slate, which is a major revenue driver for the league.

That proposal must be approved by the NBPA, and the pitch to them seems centered around a pair of things: they get to keep their summers off and keeping Christmas Day brings a lot of money into the fold. Still, there’s going to be pushback from some players in the league, particularly those that just finished a long playoff run in the Orlando Bubble and would be asked to restart play less than three months later — with less than two months from the end of the Finals to the start of training camp.

On Wednesday, Chris Haynes of Yahoo Sports brought word that a number of stars and players will be pushing for an MLK Day start date on January 21, with free agency pushed back to Dec. 1. It had previously said that free agency could be as early as Nov. 20 with a December start date.

It’s going to be very interesting to see how the negotiations between the league and players go, because it’s clear that players are going to need to be sold further on a Christmas start date. This is, of course, all part of players using their leverage in this situation, given that next year’s salary cap is still up in the air and just about everything is on the table. If the league is insistent on a Christmas start, which is clearly a play for a big financial windfall, the players will need to be sold on that by way of assurances that money from the Christmas Day games would find its way back to the players in the form of buoying the cap for next season.

We’ve already heard from Danny Green that he wouldn’t expect Lakers vets to play immediately if the season started in December, and now it seems other players are not too keen on such a quick turnaround. For those hoping for a resolution on all of this to come soon, this seems to indicate there might be more of a fight — or at least some serious discussion and back and forth — that might drag on into November.

While Charli XCX has been working in music since she was a teenager, the singer’s 2013 track “I Love It” with Icona Pop is what really put her on the map. While the song served as her breakout, Charli recently revealed she didn’t even like it when she was writing it.

Charli sat down with Red Bull in one of her last in-person interviews before the pandemic. During the nearly hour-long conversation, Charli discussed her career, influences, and songwriting processes. The singer described how she penned “I Love It” in just 20 minutes while sitting in a hotel room and thought the track was the “worst song ever”:

“I actually really thought ‘I Love It’ was the worst song ever. I honestly didn’t even know what it was about when I wrote it. I wrote it in like 20 minutes in a hotel room with my boyfriend sitting there. He was like, ‘What are you doing?’ And I was like, ‘Oh I wrote this song. I don’t really get it, but whatever.’ He was like, ‘Yeah it sounds bad.’ So then I was like, ‘Okay. I’m going to stop making this.’ And then I spent hours making this other song.”

Elsewhere in the conversation, Charli said that when she first broke into the music industry, she wanted to be the next Britney Spears. “When I was younger, I think it was Britney Spears [who] really blew my mind, especially the ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ video,” she said. “I remember being at home and just thinking that I’d never seen somebody so glamorous and cool and fun. It was real, but I really bought into the dream.”

Continuing to talk about how Spears influenced her artistic vision, Charli said, “When I entered the music industry, I was like, ‘I want to be Britney.’ I didn’t really know and there was no other route for me. I was like, ‘This is what happens when you sign a record deal. You become Britney. That’s the only path.’ And then I signed the record deal and I was like, ‘Oh. I’m not Britney.’ But before being in the music industry, I didn’t realize there was so many different paths.”

Watch Charli discuss writing “I Love It” in a conversation with Red Bull above, around the 24-minute mark.

Charli XCX is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.