Previously on Jesus Christ, Superstars: A reverend did successful missionary work and converted a Ugandan to Christianity. Also we found out the evil clown’s name is “Doink,” and watched Razor Ramon beat the purple Zubaz off of Owen Hart.

If you’d like to watch this week’s episode, you can do that here, and you can support the column (so we’re allowed to keep writing it) by reading previous installments on our Jesus Christ, Superstars tag page.

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Here’s what you missed 27 years ago on WWF Superstars for January 16, 1993.

Jobbers Of The Week

This week’s most notable jobber is Mickey Jay, pictured here looking like the least interesting tent at Le Cirque des Rêves. Mickey (usually spelled “Mickie,” like Mickie James … wait a minute …) was a referee and wrestler in the dying days of Championship Wrestling from Florida, but he’s best known as one of WCW’s head officials during the heyday of WCW Monday Nitro. He managed big time matches like the Starrcade ’98 main event — yes, that one — and the Owen Hart tribute match between Bret Hart and Chris Benoit. Here he is getting punched in the face by Mongo. You may also know him as the most notable WWE ECW referee, so much so that they made him the only ECW referee in Smackdown vs. Raw 2009, or from his brief run as senior official on Smackdown. Here, he gets his face rubbed in Brian Knobbs’ deeply unsanitary armpit.

Taking the fall in the match, however, is Jay’s tag team partner Rock Werner. Rock’s been pulling a Shawn Spears on Superstars, teaming with every jobber he can find. So far we’ve seen him with poor man’s Bobby Roode Butler Stevens and your aunt’s ex-girlfriend Butch Banks. After that, teaming with Mickie Jay must have felt like he was in there teaming with the Undertaker.

Here’s Carl Almont. No, not the geisha, although that’d be a pretty hilarious name for a geisha. I’m talking about pre-Crisis Shia LaBeouf back there, not getting a nameplate and calmly stretching in the background like he’s not about to get his whole chest and throat sat on by a 600-pound Samoan. The only other match of his I can find is against the Headshrinkers from that same set of tapings, so I’m gonna assume he wasn’t a wrestler, just some schmoe off the street who’s super into getting his shit kicked in.

Tom Bennett returns this week, but since his loose-fitting sweatshirt has T.R. BENNETT across the chest, he has to wear it inside out. He chooses to wear it Flashdance style, which isn’t a look a lot of guys can pull off. Especially this one.

Since I didn’t have a lot to say about Native American Superstar Tatanka® chopping this guy in the forehead, I googled Tom and found out that literally every other alias he wrestled under sounds hilarious. The Superstars naming committee actually did him a favor for once. Past gimmicks include Killer — that’s Rellik spelled backwards! — both “Kodiak” and “Mighty Kodiak,” Texas Hangman #2, Texas HANGMAN Killer — that’s Rellik Namgnah Saxet spelled backwards! — and the always effective Tough Tom. You may remember him as one half of the also hilariously named tag team DISORDERLY CONDUCT.

Incredibly I also discovered he portrayed the legendary GREY SKULL in Big Japan Pro Wrestling. Yes, Grey Skull was a Skeletor from He-Man gimmick. No, not from the cartoon. FROM THE LIVE ACTION MOVIE. Look at that Frank Langella mask! It might be the real one, they could’ve gotten it on the cheap, who knows!

In case you’re wondering, his tag team partner on the left there is called TORNADO JUICE. BJPW is GREAT. Ol’ T.J. is also a notable WCW jobber of the era, Bull Pain, but if I start listing off every bizarre gimmick a Japanese booker gave a low quality American wrestler looking for work overseas I’d be here all day.

Waist Trainer Jones also returns this week, although sadly not in a Messy Tessie from The Garbage Pail Kids Movie gimmick or whatever. As a helpful reminder, “W.T.” stands for “Wilton,” although he very easily could’ve followed Sgt. Slaughter into the G.I. Joe line as “Walkie Talkie Jones.”

He loses via massive brain hemorrhaging to Crush, who is managing to retain his identity as a fun-loving man of the people despite the fact that he wins wrestling matches by trying to crush people’s skulls. Although I guess the Big Boss Man was also a huge fan favorite at the time, and he’s literally a disgraced prison guard let go for brutality who handcuffs his opponents to the ring ropes and brutally beats them with a stick. The WWF should’ve brought in a guy as “Stabby” and had him high-five a bunch of kids before stabbing his opponents with a kitchen knife. They could’ve sold foam kitchen knives.

Speaking of brutal attacks, however …

Doinking Of The Week

After the match, Doink the Clown (most recently seen wearing an unexplained arm sling) shows up and gives Crush a flower, presumably to avoid any further Stiff Warnings from brah. Crush begrudgingly accepts the apology but he doesn’t want some random clown’s flower, so he turns away to hand it to a child in the audience. All right.

That’s when Doink strikes:

It turns out that Doink’s sling actually contained a mannequin arm, which he uses to beat Crush within an inch of his life. I’m talking complete split-ends unconsciousness, a full-on stretcher job, and multiple cutaways to crying children. When you stiffly warn a clown and he beats your ass for you, you might as well leave your purple boots and shrubbery-quality mullet in the ring.

I like that Doink tried to hide the arm, though, severely overestimating how much the World Wrestling Federation will notice or care if he’s carrying around random mannequin parts.

Excellent Execution Of The Week

WWF Champion and possible fascist Bret Hart promises he’ll get back at Razor Ramon for his attack on Owen by executing him at the Royal Rumble. As you know, their Rumble match ends with Bret delivering the King’s justice and severing Razor’s head with the Hart ancestral sword, Ice.

That was the Harts, right? A well-meaning, legendary family from the far north with too many kids who’ve faced tragedy after tragedy trying to be honorable in a world where only the dishonorable succeed thanks to being in direct opposition to an aging war monger, his weird incestuous kids, and the dwarf they disowned? And let’s not forget that aging war monger’s son in law, who made his name leading a revolution only to become King, become complacent, and father a bunch of bastards?

Exactly. The Harts.

Giant Threat Of The Week

The only other thing you need to know from this week’s episode is that Harvey Wippleman is upset about having his slave labor taken away by a reverend — a reverend who treats him like a man, but doesn’t seem willing to buy him a shirt — and promises to drop a BIG BOMB on them.

At first I thought he was referencing Adam Bomb, Crush’s future weed buddy, but Bomb doesn’t debut until May, and he isn’t actually managed by Wippleman until later. No, Harvey wants you to put the emphasis on big, not bomb. At the Royal Rumble, he’ll debut the biggest bomb he could find: an 8-foot tall Argentinian who can barely move, wears pajamas with human muscles drawn on them, and wrestles in furry underwear to make it look like his pubes grew all crazy and formed natural clothes. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US, SLICK?

Next Week Of The Week

If I can get up my nerve, I’m going to ask her to the big homecoming dance. Oh, wait, sorry, you mean THAT Crush. [checks notes] He died. From the clown attack. Sorry, everyone.

See you next week!

The 100 (CW, 8:00 p.m.) — After the mindf*ck that was Sky Ring, we head back to Sanctum this week as Raven faces a new threat, and Clarke tries to keep the peace between different factions of this new society.

What We Do in the Shadows (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Nandor and Laszlo are abducted by a coven of witches in Brooklyn — presumably, because they need their sperm for another spell — so it’s up to Nadja, Colin Robinson, and Guillermo to save them.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) — Each agent is left questioning their own purpose after the identity of “the thread” is revealed, and it’s up to the team to protect him.

Spelling The Dream (Netflix) — You haven’t truly lived until you’ve experienced the pulse-pounding drama of watching Scripps Spelling Bee. The national competition may have been canceled because of COVID-19, but this Netflix documentary about the long tradition of Indian American kids dominating the event fills the void, giving fans a surprisingly riveting look at what it takes to compete and win this thing.

Defending Jacob (Apple TV+) — Look, there’s not much happening on cable TV right now so may we recommend getting caught up with this Chris Evans crime thriller? The full season is now available on Apple TV+, and it follows Evans’ District Attorney, a father forced to question the character of his own son after he’s accused of a horrible crime.

The protests that have occurred across the United States over the last week in response to the death of George Floyd, a black man who was killed by a police officer, have brought Colin Kaepernick’s protest during his final season in the NFL back into the discourse. Kaepernick famously sat on the bench and then knelt during the national anthem, saying that he wanted to bring light to the issues of police brutality, injustice, and systematic oppression that exist in the United States.

That conversation never really happened, though, because it was quickly morphed into a conversation about disrespecting the flag of the United States and the national anthem. A number of folks adopted that line of thinking, including New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees, who was quoted at the time as saying, “there’s plenty of other ways that you can do that in a peaceful manner that doesn’t involve being disrespectful to the American flag” and “it’s an oxymoron that you’re sitting down, disrespecting that flag that has given you the freedom to speak out.”

While that wasn’t what was happening, it still caught on, and these important conversations never happened. Now, they’re back in the discourse following Floyd’s death, and on Wednesday, Brees made it clear that his thinking has not changed in a cameo on Yahoo! Finance.

“I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country,” Brees said. “Lemme just tell you what I see or what I feel when the national anthem is played and when I look at the flag of the United States. I envision my two grandfathers who fought for this country during World War II, one in the Army, one in the Marine Corps, both risking their lives to protect our country and to try to make our country and this world a better place.”

The sentiment led to Brees getting called out by a number of individuals in the world of sports, with Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James joining the chorus. James, in a pair of tweets, made it clear that he believes Brees does not understand why Kaepernick did what he did, and that he spoke to his father-in-law, a veteran, who supported Kaepernick.

LeBron is hardly the only athlete who has expressed serious discontent with what Brees said, as a number of his teammates on the New Orleans Saints have also expressed disappointment in the team’s Super Bowl winning quarterback.

Drew Brees decided to come back to the Saints on a two-year deal this offseason, but the longtime New Orleans quarterback put his position as a locker room leader in jeopardy on Wednesday as he continued to criticize Colin Kaepernick’s silent protest of police brutality and racial injustice by kneeling during the anthem prior to NFL games — something that has gotten him blackballed from the league for three years.

Those comments earned swift and rightful condemnation from Brees’ top target in recent years, as Michael Thomas took to Twitter to call out Brees while also posting about how black veterans were denied access to the GI Bill and other veteran programs after World War II. This was a clear message to Brees, who invoked his grandfathers’ service as a reason for not agreeing with the method of protest.

Thomas wasn’t alone on the Saints in responding to Brees, as Cam Jordan and Alvin Kamara both offered some thinly veiled responses.

Others from around the NFL and beyond also gave their thoughts, with Julius Peppers and LeBron James explaining why Brees is so wrong on this issue.

Brees’ statement is a reminder of how Kaepernick’s protests and the message they were meant to deliver got hijacked and spun into some discussion of whether or not it was disrespectful to the flag or the military, when it was simply an effort to spark conversation around injustice in America, which years later remains a major issue. One would hope Brees would listen to his teammates and change his stance, but that seems unlikely given it’s been years of people explaining what Kaepernick was actually protesting and people still insisting he was disrespecting the military.

A disturbing image posted by LaToya Ratlieff on Instagram is visceral proof that peacefully protesting police brutality in the United States can get your skull cracked open by law enforcement.

On Sunday, May 31, Ratlieff was at a peaceful demonstration at Huizenga Plaza, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida organized by Black Lives Matter Alliance of Broward and other local groups to protest the deaths of George Floyd and people of color at the hands of police.

An estimated 1,500 citizens attended the protest and they were told not to engage with the police and to remain calm at all costs. Organizers chose a couple of dozen marchers and designated them as peace keepers if tension should arise.

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At 6:15 p.m., three hours after the protest began, marchers returned to the park for a final prayer before going home. As the demonstrators returned to a local parking garage, they were confronted by a riot squad.

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They tear gassed the protesters and shoved a kneeling woman, further agitating the crowd. Some protesters began throwing plastic water bottles at the police.

“While continuing to walk toward my car, the crowd began to become angrier and angrier,” Ratclieff wrote on her Instagram post.

“Several of the protesters, including myself, began asking the other protesters to relax. And, we decided to kneel on the ground. While, we were kneeling, the officers continued to throw tear gas at us and even began pointing the guns at us,” she added.

The gas began to suffocate Ratlieff. While coughing and gasping for air, an aid approached her and asked if she needed assistance. Within moments, she claims a police officer shot a foam rubber bullet at her head.”It wasn’t until I saw all the blood on the ground that it hit me,” Ratlieff told the Miami Herald. “I’ve been shot.”

If it wasn’t for two aids that came to her assistance, Ratlieff says she would have continued to “lay on the ground while the cops watched me bleeding.”

The incident was witnessed by a reporter from the Miami Herald who says a “black projectile hit Ratlieff in the forehead and ricocheted 50 feet down the street. Reporters were unable to locate the munition, but later returned to the scene and found cartridges labeled: ’40 mm Foam Baton.'”

Foam Baton bullets fly at the extreme velocity of 325 feet per second.

Scott Ross, a photographer on site, says that the police shot people who were fleeing the situation in the back of the legs. “The tear gas is working. People are running away,” Ross said. “Why are they shooting people in the back? It appeared punitive.”

Ratlieff was taken to the hospital where she was treated for a fractured eye socket.

“I’m okay. My eye will heal. I was able to come home,” she wrote on Instagram. “But, George Floyd and many others did not.”

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Retired NBA wing Stephen Jackson has been outspoken since the death of George Floyd. Jackson considered Floyd a brother, going as far as to call him “twin,” and has used his platform to demand that the officers involved in Floyd’s death are brought to justice as swiftly as possible.

During a press conference on Tuesday at Minneapolis City Hall, Jackson joined Roxie Washington — the mother of Floyd’s 6-year-old daughter Gianna — in speaking about Floyd’s death. Jackson spoke passionately about the desire to see justice in this case, and made it clear that as long as justice is not served, he will fight tooth and nail in memory of his “brother.”

“Floyd might not be here, but I’m here for her, I’m here to get justice, and we gonna get justice for my brother,” Jackson said. “We not leaving, we’re gonna keep fighting, we’re gonna send him home in beautiful ways this week. But I’m telling you, we are not leaving, we demand justice, and I’m tired of seeing that. I’m not gonna see her hurt every day like this. We need justice, we demand it, and some kind of way, god dammit, we’re gonna get it.”

Jackson also responded to Washington’s heartbreaking remarks about hers and Floyd’s daughter. Washington lamented on how, “He will never see her grow up, graduate, he will never walk her down the aisle. If there’s a problem she’s having and she needs her dad, she does not have that anymore.” It’s a crushing comment, but Jackson made it clear that he plans on doing what he can to fill that void.

“There’s a lot of stuff you said that he’s gonna miss, that I’m gonna be there for,” Jackson said. “I’m gonna walk her down the aisle, I’m gonna be there for her. Imma be there to wipe away her tears, I’m gonna be here for you and Gigi.”

Jackson posted a video to Instagram of himself walking around with Gianna on his shoulders. While that happened, Gianna proudly proclaimed that “daddy changed the world.”

As for the pursuit of justice, the murder charge against the police officer who dug his knee into Floyd’s neck for nearly nine minutes were upgraded from third-degree to second-degree on Wednesday, while the three officers who watched as this happened were charged with aiding and abetting murder.

When Ruby Rose announced her surprise exit from The CW’s Batwoman, fans were naturally concerned about how the show would handle her departure, considering she, as Batwoman, was the main character. Rose’s decision to leave is a first for the Arrowverse, which has never had to deal with losing one of its lead actors before, and it sounds like the writers are taking an interesting approach to the dilemma.

According to Decider, the show is looking to cast an all-new character named “Ryan Wilder” who will replace Rose’s Kate Kane as Batwoman in the second season. While the news originally came from a leaked casting call on Reddit, The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that The CW is planning to replace Rose’s character instead of simply recasting her role. Notably, Ryan Wilder will also continue the show’s commitment to featuring an LGBTQ actress as Batwoman:

“She’s likable, messy, a little goofy and untamed. She’s also nothing like Kate Kane, the woman who wore the batsuit before her,” the notice reads, according to Decider. “With no one in her life to keep her on track, Ryan spent years as a drug-runner, dodging the GCPD and masking her pain with bad habits. A girl who would steal milk for an alley cat could also kill you with her bare hands, Ryan is the most dangerous type of fighter: highly skilled and wildly undisciplined. An out lesbian. Athletic. Raw. Passionate. Fallible. And very much not your stereotypical All-American hero.”

As for Rose’s reason for leaving Batwoman, numerous sources have said that the actress was not a fan of the long hours required for the series, and it allegedly led to unpleasant experiences on set. Outside of a joint statement announcing her decision to leave, Rose has stayed quiet about exiting the show, but she recently shared a cryptic message on Instagram that would suggest there’s more to the story than is being reported.

“It wasn’t an easy decision but those who know, know..,” the actress wrote in the caption. “I didn’t want to not acknowledge everyone involved and how big this was for TV and for our community. I have stayed silent because that’s my choice for now but know I adore you all.”

You can see Ruby Rose’s message to Batwoman fans below:

(Via Decider, The Hollywood Reporter)

A number of athletes have issued statements over the last week in the wake of the killing of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer, while three other officers watched. Some have even organized protests in various cities around the country, as the movement against police brutality and racial injustice has spread globally, with demonstrations this week in all 50 states and in major cities around the world.

On Wednesday, Dak Prescott joined the legion of stars from across the sports world to issue a statement condemning the systemic racism that leads to the disproportionate targeting and killing of black people by police, and pledged to donate $1 million to “improve our police training and address systemic racism through education and advocacy in our country.”

Prescott’s pledge received mixed reviews, as some questioned whether the right approach right now is to give money to police departments in expectation that it would actually lead to more effective training, and it would be on Prescott to ensure that pledge is going to the right organizations. Prescott addressed one of the chief issues at hand, which is that a “good cop” who doesn’t speak out or stand up to confront officers who abuse their power is, in fact, not good.

“When you choose to wear the badge of a police officer, you pledged to PROTECT a life and property through the enforcement of our laws and regulations. How can you claim to uphold the law when those within your ranks don’t abide by it? You need to hold your own accountable! Each of you are as guilty as the men who stood beside Derek Chauvin if you do not stand up against the systemic racism plaguing our police forces nationwide. TAKE ACTION!

“As long as cops continue to profile blacks as a threat, cops will continue to be perceived as untrustworthy. You have to CHANGE YOURSELF before you can ask anyone else to Change!”

After a number of statements from brands, teams, and even players tiptoed around that issue, Prescott addressed the problems of systemic racism that are deeply seeded in police forces around the country. Hopefully Prescott’s statement and donation can cause others to speak up about these issues and lead to actionable change in police departments, and if nothing else, keep the focus of the conversation on the real issue at hand, which is racist actions carried out by those supposedly sworn to protect and serve.

The next item on the docket for the NBA is figuring out how to arrange an ad-hoc schedule, something that a team of people in league offices across pro sports typically spend their entire job working on. A report from Vincent Goodwill presented one possibility for the league, but a light was quickly shined on the difficulties with even the most simple plans.

Sounds easy enough, right? If you play the eight teams who aren’t in Orlando, just skip that game and move on. The only problem is some teams, especially in the Western Conference, are more loaded up with scheduled games against teams who will be in Orlando, while others, especially in the East, are going to be skipping around a lot.

This was initially brought up by Dan Feldman of NBC Sports, who found an example involving the Raptors and Rockets.

It doesn’t take long to find other, similar situations. The Spurs’ eighth game under these rules would come against New Orleans, originally scheduled for April 5. Yet the Pelicans’ eighth game is scheduled to be against the Magic, two full games before they would be scheduled to take on San Antonio.

Keith Parish of the Fastbreak Breakfast podcast worked out the math for all of us on the bubble teams in the West and pointed out another scheduling issue for the Blazers and Grizzlies.

Sure, this may sound like semantics, but the NBA will quickly get backed into a corner in which there just aren’t enough teams to pull this off. Fortunately, this won’t involve travel, so putting something creative together would be easier than usual, but the priority of course is making sure everyone can play the same amount of games, while trying to keep previous strength of schedule intact.

The obvious solution would be for the NBA to just put out a full schedule soon, whether it includes these machinations or not. We don’t necessarily need to be privy to how it was put together, so long as it’s not overly taxing and it is fair to all parties. Weeding out the tankers will already make these games more competitive and interesting. It’s going to be good teams up against good teams every night.

There are likely a few weeks to sort the schedule out, but it has ripple effects for broadcasters, the use of gyms, and social distancing procedures to ensure teams aren’t coming into contact with one another unnecessarily.