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Stipe Miocic Is Down To ‘Fight Anyone’ If He Has A Full Fight Camp

After winning the UFC heavyweight title in August 2019, Stipe Miocic could go more than a year before he defends the belt. While the promotion moves forward with fights, beginning May 9 with UFC 249, there are no immediate plans for the two-time heavyweight champion’s next bout due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic.

Instead, he’s focusing his energy on serving his community as a volunteer firefighter in northeast Ohio. It’s that role as a first responder that makes him so grateful for his partnership with Modelo, which recently donated $500,000 to First Responders First, an initiative of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, Thrive Global, and the CAA Foundation to support American healthcare workers battling COVID-19.

Modelo and Miocic are celebrating Cinco de Mayo by encouraging people to toast first responders and post their support on social media with the hashtag #CincUp. For every post, Modelo will donating $1 to the First Responders First initiative.

“It’s awesome, Modelo is such a great company. They always put people first before them and they’re always looking to help. It doesn’t get better than that,” Miocic told Uproxx Sports over the phone. “The whole idea of celebrating Cinco at home, at the same time, looking to give back with the #CincUp, it’s just awesome.”

While Miocic has been hard at work outside of the Octagon, he’s kept returning to the UFC in the back of his mind, whenever that might be.

“I’ve been training, but not really,” Miocic said. “I can only do so much at home. It’s tough. Right now, my gym is closed and it doesn’t look like it’s going to open any time soon here in Ohio.

“Definitely, the break is nice,” he continued. “I was out for a little bit with the torn retina. I was ready to get back in the swing of things when this all hit. It’s nice, but at the same time, it sucks because you lose your routine. In hindsight, it’s all about making sure my family is ok. We’ll get past this and get back to normal, but right now, it just sucks.”

As the UFC ramps up building cards and scheduling fights, Miocic isn’t opposed to Dana White’s efforts over the past month “as long as everyone is safe.” Still, while UFC 249 takes place next weekend and “Fight Island” will be up and running soon, Miocic’s mind is elsewhere.

“Right now, I’m not worried about fights,” Miocic said. “We’re doing the best we can to help with the pandemic. We’re trying to keep our head down and keep moving forward until this clears up. We’ll get through it soon.”

When he does fight again, it won’t be rushed. He’ll follow in the footsteps of Amanda Nunes, who pulled out of the UFC 249 card in order to ensure she’s fully ready and in fight shape, and make sure that he’s not cutting any corners before his next time in the Octagon.

“As long as my gym is open and I can get a full fight camp, I’m down to fight anyone,” Miocic said.

As for who Miocic would fight next, there’s no guarantee, but he’s expected to give Cormier a rematch in what would be their trilogy bout for the heavyweight crown. His last fight with Cormier resulted in surgery to repair a torn retina stemming from several inadvertent eye pokes. Miocic hasn’t necessarily forgiven Cormier for that, saying, “I’m glad I can see, it’s all I really care about. That’s it. I’ll leave it at that.”

For now, Miocic will continue to do what he can for his community until he can step back into the Octagon. But when that day comes, it may not take long until he’s participating in a super fight.

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What To Expect From HBO Max: Prices, Notable Dates, The Library, And Differences From HBO Go And HBO Now

The streaming universe weaves a complex web already, and with HBO Max launching soon, things might look even more confusing. It’s safe to say that if any service can rival the likes of Netflix and Disney+ in terms of sheer sign-up numbers, then it’ll probably be HBO Max. The library will be jam-packed and include not only loads of movies and TV shows that make up existing HBO programming fare, but also a wealth of content that falls under the WarnerMedia stable. Importantly for many folks, HBO Max will also be the only place to stream every episode of Friends. Then there’s this added bonus: an expanding slate of wonderful-sounding HBO Max Original TV series and movies.

Subscribing seems like a done deal for anyone willing to shell out $14.99 per month, but there are still some relevant issues to iron out. One major question on peoples’ minds, for good reason, is how HBO Max will differ from the other two HBO streaming services (HBO Go and HBO Now) already offered. You’re probably also interested in pricing and timing details, along with the good stuff: details on exactly what will be included in the package. Some of the particulars — like which current HBO subscribers will get HBO Max at no cost — remain somewhat muddled, so let’s sort through what we know.

Launch Date:

It’s the easiest detail. May 27 is go-time, so expect the vast majority of the existing HBO Max library to land then, along with a handful of original TV series (to be detailed later in this piece) and movies with followups to come.

HBO Max Vs. HBO Go And HBO Now:

– HBO Max is the newcomer streaming platform from WarnerMedia. At launch, the service will feature 10,000 hours of premium content, which includes HBO’s entire library, HBO Max Originals, a massive slew of Warner Bros. movies and TV shows, and much more. (We’ll talk the catalog stuff out soon.)

– HBO Go is the on-demand streaming service that HBO cable subscribers already receive as part of their subscription. The service includes HBO’s original content (TV series, documentaries, specials, and a decent chunk of movies), and access is tied into your specific cable TV package.

– HBO Now is a standalone, on-demand streaming offering for people who don’t hold a cable or satellite package but still want to subscribe to HBO and watch on a smart TV, laptop, tablet, phone or other compatible device. The current price for this service is $14.99 per month, and many current HBO Now subscribers will automatically receive HBO Max access (when the service launches) without any added cost.

If You’ve Got HBO, Do You Get A Free HBO Max Upgrade?

Maybe. The current guidelines just aren’t that clear-cut. We do know that neither HBO Go nor HBO Now will be erased from existence for the foreseeable future. You can keep on doing your thing independent of HBO Max and pretend that HBO Max doesn’t exist, but you probably will want to take advantage of the expanded library if you can.

– HBO Now subscribers who pay straight through HBONow.com will automatically receive access to HBO Max when it launches. At this time, it remains unclear whether those who pay for HBO Now as an add-on service through Hulu, Amazon Prime, Apple, or Roku will also gain access to HBO Max with no extra charge, but hopefully, that detail will be firmed up before May 27.

– HBO subscribers who pay for the channel through Charter or an AT&T package will receive HBO Max at no added charge. That includes subscribers to the AT&T-owned DirecTV, IPTV, and AT&T TV, which means that millions of these HBO customers are in luck. However, those who subscribe to HBO (and, in turn, HBO Go) through a cable TV service may or may not be in luck. As it stands, there’s no deal between HBO and many cable TV service companies, but that could change at any time.

The Cost Of HBO Max:

– If you’re not already an HBO Now subscriber (or a fortunate package holder as described above), then HBO Max’s standard price will run $14.99 per month. That’s a higher price than Netflix’s standard plan ($12.99) and lower than its premium plan ($15.99). HBO Max also runs the same baseline price as HBO Now, but there’s a way to sign up now and lock into a special 12-month HBO Max rate for $11.99 per month. A limited (and unspecified) number of these discounted subscriptions are up for grabs before May 27, so visit the HBO Max home page to take advantage of the offer.

So, What Will HBO Max Include?

As mentioned earlier, one of HBO Max’s big boasts will be Friends (and the upcoming reunion special). That’s been the headline, but there’s much more up for grabs.

– Everything HBO, which includes all original HBO TV series, past and present. So, we’re talking about everything from Game of Thrones and Westworld to The Wire, along with The Sopranos, Veep, and Sex and the City. Basically, this means the whole back catalog of HBO programming in addition to new episodes as they air, and all of the HBO original movies, documentaries, and specials.

– Licensed TV content (much of it from Warner Bros) will include some high-demand series from past and present, including Rick And Morty, South Park (although new episodes won’t drop until the day after Comedy Central airs them), and The Big Bang Theory. Many CW series (including superhero and dramatic/soap-operatic fare) will also be folded into HBO Max. Tons of content from CNN, TNT, TBS, truTV, Cartoon Network, and Looney Tunes will also be on tap.

– Lots of movies (about 18,000 of them), which includes whatever is already available on HBO or one of their existing streaming services, plus all Warner Bros. movies, including The Matrix trilogy, The Lord of the Rings, the Harry Potter franchise, and so on. Under the Warner Bros. umbrella, comic book movies that fall under the DCEU (Justice League, Suicide Squad, Shazam, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, and more caped dudes) and outside it (Joker) qualify. In addition, there’s plenty of classic movies up for grabs (The Shining, The Goonies, The Wizard Of Oz, etc.) along with every Studio Ghibli anime movie.

Max Originals (TV Shows And Movies)

AVAILABLE AT LAUNCH:
Love Life: A romantic comedy series starring Anna Kendrick and Scoot McNairy
Legendary: A reality competition series showcasing the underground ballroom community (expect plenty of vogue-ing) with a judging panel that includes Megan Thee Stallion
On The Record: The documentary film that explores allegations of sexual abuse and harassment made against hip hop mogul Russell Simmons
Craftopia, a youth-friendly crafting competition show that takes things to extremes
– Kid-geared programs including fresh New Looney Tunes offerings and The Not Too Late Show with Elmo

COMING IN 2020:
– The Friends reunion special, which will be unscripted
Doom Patrol‘s new episodes for added DC flavor
Raised By Wolves, a Ridley Scott-directed TV series in which androids raise humans
The Flight Attendant, a dramatic TV series starring Kaley Cuoco
– A quarantine cooking series starring non-chef Selena Gomez, who receives assistance from culinary masters, all to benefit pandemic food-relief charities
Search Party, Season 3 for the existing mystery comedy TV series
Close Enough, an adult-oriented animated comedy series
Expecting Amy, a docuseries from Amy Schumer about doing stand-up while pregnant

DATES TO BE ANNOUNCED:
An American Pickle, a film starring Seth Rogen in dueling roles: (1) A 1920s laborer who awakens 100 years later in Brooklyn; (2) The immigrant’s grandson, a computer coder, who baffles his grandpa
– Three projects from J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot production company, including a Justice League Dark TV series, along with Overlook (inspired by and including characters from Stephen King’s The Shining) and Duster (a 1970s-set adventure about the life of a crime syndicate’s getaway driver)
– Five Conan O’Brien-hosted-and produced stand-up comedy specials, in which Coco will feature rising comics and hopefully stay funny in his own right
Rap Sh*t, a comedy series produced by Issa Rae about three women attempting to take over the Miami music business
– A documentary movie about Anthony Bourdain
The Boondocks: two new seasons and a standalone special
College Girls, another coming-of-age comedy series from Mindy Kaling about, well, the life of female college students
– Multiple new DC Comics TV series, including a new show from Greg Berlanti (Riverdale); Strange Adventures, an anthology series about mortals interacting with superhumans, also from Berlanti; and DC Super Hero High, a comedy series from Elizabeth Banks
Super Intelligence, a comedy film starring Melissa McCarthy as a woman whose dating adventures are of great interest to AI
Bobbie Sue, a comedy film starring Gina Rodriguez as an attorney who’s a little fish in a big pond, which might be how we all feel while deciding what to watch on HBO Max when the enormous library arrives

HBO Max launches on May 27.

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Drake’s Laser-Focused ‘Dark Lane Demo Tapes’ Probably Should Have Been An Album

For a decade, as fans debated whether or not Drake truly has a career-defining classic in his catalog, the primary argument against him was always that his lack of editorial touch hurt his projects. They were always just a few songs too long, just a little bit out-of-sequence, needed to better balance his seemingly opposing melodic and rhythmic instincts. While this isn’t an argument that his latest mixtape, Dark Lane Demo Tapes, is that classic — it isn’t — it certainly shows that those arguments were well-founded. A Drake willing to kill his darlings is a Drake capable of crafting a project that isn’t just a compelling collection of songs but a cohesive statement, a solid exhibit of evidence in his case for being one of rap’s greatest of all time. With Dark Lane Demo Tapes, Drake finally delivers a concise, thrilling project without the filler.

Dark Lane is also just a couple of songs away from being the project most rap fans hoped they’d get ever since Drake was crowned hip-hop’s savior in 2009 after the release of So Far Gone. Because his big breakout came with the leak of “Brand New” a half-year before, Drake’s fan base has always been split between the bars-first/only purists who heard him shout out Slum Village and Phonte Coleman — and work with both on his 2007 tape Comeback Season — and those who first discovered him through the guts-spilling emo-R&B he pioneered with “Brand New.” While those loyalties have always shifted and clashed, on his latest, Drake comes as close to a platonic ideal as he ever has.

By paying homage to classic rap-first cuts like Jay-Z’s “Song Cry” and Eminem’s “Superman” on “When To Say When” and “Chicago Freestyle” — both released as a double music video a few months before the mixtape was conceived — Drake shows his longtime supporters that he hasn’t forgotten his roots. Meanwhile, as he gives his R&B fans just enough with “Not You Too” and the elongated deliveries he’s best known for elsewhere to keep them on board, he never lets the slower moments overwhelm the tracklist has he did with Views or Take Care. He also gets the plodding, moody heartbreak anthem out of the way early so the rest of the album has a strong, engaging pace.

It helps that he uses some of the more fascinating production of his career here. While it’s widely accepted that Drake makes indisputably strong tracks with his usual partners in crime, 40 and Boi-1da, here he branches out — and not in the culture-vulture-y, affected Caribbean accent way that usually gets him flogged on social media. While he does once again borrow from a pre-existing musical subculture — UK drill, with its sparse drums and airy, eerie synthesizer sounds — the style meshes more readily with his normal voice and flow, keeping him from having to adopt any questionable regional deliveries, the super Top Boyesque dialect on “War” notwithstanding.

As usual, he shares his stage with both common collaborators and rising stars, with the usual mixed outcomes. While “Desires” with Future gets lost in the wash, “D4L” with both Future and Young Thug is captivating, while Drake spotlights some of drill’s New York contingent — in the form of Sosa Geek and Fivio Foreign — on the futuristic “Demons.” Employing Playboi Carti for “Pain 1993” turns out to be the one misstep, as Carti is nearly impossible to understand with a squeaky, rushed delivery that sounds like he’s on a completely different project. Of course, bringing Chris Brown into any project is always a miss — “Not You Too” doesn’t really benefit enough from his presence to make the potential backlash worth it. Fortunately, Long Beach native Giveon almost makes up for it as a Sampha stand-in on “Chicago Freestyle.”

The most remarkable thing, despite all of Drake’s forward-looking production, incorporation of English slang, and successful TikTok baiting with the infuriatingly catchy “Toosie Slide,” is the fact that, for once, Drake seems to have figured out “When To Say When” (pun intended). Instead of forcing listeners to slog through every single thing he’s recorded over the past two years, he instead brings his butcher knife to the edit bay, chopping the fat and presenting a product that’s easy to digest and earns its repeat listens. We can only hope he keeps the lessons in mind when he releases the follow-up, “official” album he’s been teasing later this year.

Dark Lane Demo Tapes is out now on OVO / Republic Records. Get it here.

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Dirty Projectors Announce Their Ambitious Plan To Release Five EPs In 2020

The Dirty Projectors continued their nearly two decades-spanning career last March with the EP Windows Open. But the four-track EP is not the band’s final project for the year. Instead, Dirty Projectors have an ambitious plan in the works. The group’s latest EP was not a one-off effort. Rather, the band plans on releasing an impressive five EPs over the course of the year. Announcing their plan, the group shared the next EPs’ lead single, “Lose Your Love.”

“Lose Your Love” arrives on the forthcoming effort, Flight Tower. The track’s exuberant instrumentation lays the groundwork for the accompanying feel-good lyrics. “I never want to lose your love / I never want to let you down / In wilderness we won’t give up / Just hold on let yourself be found,” keyboardist/vocalist Felicia Douglass sings. For both “Lose Your Love” and Flight Tower as a whole, Douglass took the lead. The singer built each track off the forthcoming EP around her high-reaching alto and penned the lyrics in collaboration with Dirty Projectors’ longstanding member Dave Longstreth.

Watch the “Lose Your Love” video above and find the Flight Tower EP cover and tracklist below.

Domino

1. “Inner World”
2. “Lose Your Love”
3. “Self Design”
4. “Empty Vessel”

Flight Tower is out 6/26 via Domino. Pre-order it here.

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A 5-Year-Old Boy Was Pulled Over While Trying To Drive To California To Buy A Lamborghini


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25 Subscriptions That Make Perfect Mother’s Day Gifts

At a loss for what to buy for your mom? Can’t go wrong with a subscription box.


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17 Seriously Hilarious Things People Have Discovered About Their Partner Since Being Quarantined Together

“My boyfriend doesn’t know how to make microwave popcorn — he doesn’t even know which side goes up!”


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Katy Perry Revealed What Her Pregnant Met Gala Look Would Have Been And It’s Iconique

“What could have been.”


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Is It OK To Go To A Park Or Beach? We Asked Seven Experts.

Images of people in New York crowding a park and not wearing masks went viral this weekend. Here’s what coronavirus experts say about parks and beach trips.


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The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 5/4/20: Redneck Zombies

Previously on the Best and Worst of Raw: Jinder Mahal returned, Drew McIntyre told Seth Rollins he was completely full of shit, and Apollo Crews died on the way back to his home planet.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for May 4, 2020.

Worst: Whatever This Was

You know, there’s a lot I could say about this segment. I think the thing that gets to me the most is the fact that Shayna Baszler and Asuka each got their own full couch, but Nia Jax, who is twice the size of either of them, got stuck squatting on a small, square table. What is that, an end table? If it had wheels on the bottom it’d be one of those little scooters you used to roll around on in kindergarten. It’s only there so Nia can easily fall back onto it, break it, and fall over at the end of the segment. It’s the WWE equivalent of in old cartoons where you know which object someone’s about to pick up because it’s drawn on top of the background.

Asuka screaming BIG BOOTY at Jax (and just being Asuka in general) is delightful, but not quite enough to get us through concurrent Shayna and Nia promos. They should’ve had Liv Morgan interrupt from one side of the building and Natalya interrupt from the other and had everyone talk at once to see if it opens the door to the Rock of Eternity.

Worst: A 40-Minute Match In Front Of Nobody That Wouldn’t Have Gone Over Great In Front Of A Crowd

So, the majority of hour one was dedicated to the “Last Chance Gauntlet Match” to replace helpless sad boi Apollo Crews on the men’s half of the two concurrent Money in the Bank ladder matches at Money in the Bank.

Gauntlet matches without a crowd are the pits. It’s usually hard to enjoy gauntlet matches even with a crowd, because they don’t make any structural sense — who decided the order of these entrants if your scripted sports organization runs on “momentum” instead of rankings or observable statistics, and who gets over if your finalists are always a loser who worked hard, and a winner who didn’t? — and because the way these matches are booked lets everyone watching know the early falls don’t, won’t, and can’t matter.

Here’s the full rundown of participants:

  • Titus O’Neil, whose 45 seconds of gauntlet-opening wrestling might be the longest we’ve seen him in the ring in years
  • Akira Tozawa, who hits two moves that do nothing and then bounces off the ropes specifically so Lashley could spear him
  • Shelton Benjamin, who is like Titus O’Neil and Akira Tozawa did the Fusion Dance
  • Bobby Lashley, who easily runs through three opponents just to get himself disqualified like a complete moron
  • Humberto Carrillo, who gets beaten up during and after his fall and only advances because Lashley kicked too much of his ass
  • Angel Garza and Austin Theory, who are so dedicated to being Raw’s Sami Zayn and Shinsuke Nakamura that they lose two straight falls to an injured guy
  • and, because the winner in WWE gauntlet matches is always the guy who comes in last …

Your winner is AJ Styles, who is a ghost, returning to Raw and feeling sort of angry but ready to move on about the whole “watching his friends get actually murdered and then being buried alive and murdered himself” thing from WrestleMania. I’m not sure I’m asking for him to show up repackaged as a wrestling zombie or even for him to be constantly covered in a thin layer of dirt he’s unable to wash off, I just wanted, you know, for something to matter. Styles being totally fine and unchanged here means even a cinematic match at the biggest show of the year starring the most legendary character in the company and ending in multiple homicides doesn’t mean anything and has no consequences.

He doesn’t even feel BAD about it. He brushes off HIS ON-SCREEN DEATH with “that was then, this is now!” For fuck’s sakes. He also didn’t lose the Boneyard Match at all, because, “there’s no rules in a boneyard match!” “I got buried, so what!” “That doesn’t mean I lost, that doesn’t mean I lost anything!” Cool, I’ll remember not to give a shit next time you have a match. “None of this matters, who even cares,” is the lead talking point for the flagship show of the biggest wrestling promotion in the world. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering that Triple H Appreciation Week on Smackdown ended with the owner of the company turning off the lights on a show Fox paid a billion dollars for because it’s boring and sucks.

AJ wins by tapping out an already extremely injured guy who’d wrestled three people, but needing over 10 minutes to do it. I hope they explain that he came back to life due to his close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Other Money In The Bank News

Congratulations to Janitor’s Closet Satan for being accepted into Starfleet Academy.

Note: If Seth Rollins is trying to be Joseph Seed, Aleister Black is 100% trying to be Jacob. They have the same beard, the same voice, and cut the same promos.

Rey Mysterio is VERY WORRIED about falling off the roof of WWE Headquarters at Money in the Bank. Somebody convinced the Superstars that the top of a building is like a balance beam, and not 110,000 square feet.

The only scenarios I’ll accept for someone falling off Titan Towers are as follows:

  • If it’s AJ Styles, and WWE’s going to start dramatically murdering him at every pay-per-view only for him to show up fine a week later, like they’re South Park and he’s Kenny McCormick, or
  • They have Big Show participate and try to grab the briefcase, only for Hulk Hogan to appear and knock him off the roof again
WWE Network

Bonus points if anybody gets humped by an ancient corpse afterward.

Worst, Oh My God, Stop It: Challenger Has Pinned The Champions! You’ve Got To Think That Puts Them Into Contention For A Future Title Shot!

1. Viking Raiders do embarrassing karaoke
2. challenger pins the champion (again) instead of doing an actual feud to build a match
3. ???
4. Profit

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. WWE is goddamn obsessed with this. Just having a challenger pin a champion in a non-title match to earn a title shot, instead of writing something or having the characters do something interesting or anything resembling effort or a desire to write an episode that’s not exactly like every other show you’ve written for the past DECADE. If you want to know the last time they did this match you’ll have to turn back the clock all the way to Friday, when the Forgotten Sons pinned the Smackdown Tag Team Champions.

STOP 👏 DOING 👏 THIS 👏 OVER 👏 AND 👏 OVER 👏 AND 👏 OVER 👏 YOU 👏 LAZY 👏 MOTHER 👏 FUCKERS 👏 . THIS IS GARBAGE. STOP IT. YOU HAVE THE ENTIRETY OF HUMAN CREATIVITY AT YOUR FINGERTIPS, POWERED BY THE BEST ROSTER OF WRESTLING TALENT AND WRESTLING MINDS AND PRODUCTION TALENT AND BUSINESS MINDS OF A GENERATION, NOT TO MENTION SEVEN HOURS OF PRIME-TIME TV EVERY WEEK AND UNLIMITED RESOURCES, WHY 👏 IS 👏 THIS 👏 ALWAYS 👏 THE 👏 SAME 👏. YOU’RE MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND. NOW I’M JUST ANGRY CLAPPING 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏.

If I never see another WWE match where a challenger pins a champion to “build momentum” and get “in contention for a future title shot” I’ll be too soon. And by “too soon” I mean “this Friday, on Smackdown.”

Vink, Man

In other tag team news, Ricochet has gone from challenging Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship on a Network live special to getting dunked on by Brendan Vink in the middle of an empty Performance Center Raw in the span of like two months. Two months and a week. Nothing says modern WWE quite like obsessing over how much momentum everybody’s built up, and then cutting off your performers at the knees as soon as they start building up momentum.

Shane Thorne and Brendan Vink, who are managed by MVP except when they’re participating in wrestling matches apparently, score what loosely equates to an “upset win on Main Event” after Vink hits Ricochet with the Andrew Martin Driver ’99. Sad to see the Jaguar Tribe get humiliated by the Wallaby Tribe like this.

Best: Liv Morgan, Amnesiac

Sure, Liv Morgan’s getting better in the ring (and is certainly being given a ton of chances and resources with which to do so), but I’m increasingly interested in her amnesiac gimmick. There’s a difference in taking a step back and realizing you don’t want to be the infantilized third wheel in a jobber girl gang and spending several months talking about how you’re “trying to figure out who you are.” Even Charlotte Flair’s out here like, “you don’t know who you are!” Can someone get Liv a glass of water and some help?

Morgan/Flair — fun side note, Ric Flair’s middle name is Morgan — is a fairly solid 11 minutes, because Charlotte’s good enough to carry someone like Liv to something more watchable than she’s used to. Flair’s character also provides a number of bad faith contexts that make it feel like Liv’s being fed into a professional wood-chipper after several weeks of improvement and, you know, momentum. But even though I’ll probably tell you the opposite at some point when I get worked and frustrated with the product, I think some characters benefit from being truly “holier than thou.” Charlotte should completely body Liv Morgan in a match, and the fact that Liv could hang with her at all is a testament to Liv’s improvement. It’s a bigger version of the thing they did with Liv and Asuka. Liv’s doing better every time she tries to be a part of something bigger than herself, and I think she’ll really blossom once she remembers where she lives, and how she got here.

Exactly What You’d Expect: The Main Event

Me listening to a Seth Rollins interview:

Frinkiac

The main event plays out exactly like you thought it would the second you saw “Drew McIntyre vs. Murphy” announced. Murphy’s dope and McIntyre’s probably excited to work with somebody who isn’t a giant mess, so they’ll give us a good five or six minutes before Drew Mac Claymores him into obsolescence. Then Seth Rollins will try to pick a fight with Drew, Drew will be stressfully gung ho about it, and Rollins will bail only to sneak back in and attack him from behind. But both because Drew McIntyre and because Seth Rollins, Rollins will get too confident and McIntyre will fire up and kick his ass. Rollins is a weird coward now despite being KINGSLAYER and BEASTSLAYER because if you don’t like the fans you’re a bottom-feeding scumbag, and McIntyre is basically Hogan in his prime. You could shoot Drew McIntyre in the chest with a pistol right now and he’d just reach into his chest, pull out the bullet, and throw it at you so hard you died. I don’t hate it.

Let’s hope Rollins doesn’t do anything to get himself edited out of any Money in the Bank highlight videos.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

EvilDucky

Plot twist – SAMOA JOE LEAVES THE TABLE TO MURDER EVERYONE IN THE RING, SECURING THE LAST MITB SPOT

AddMayne

WWE right now:

JayBone2

NXT ratings are down – give Flair the title
Raw ratings are down – give Flair the mic.
Smackdown ratings are down – let Tamina have a shot at the title.

GIPHY

Clay Quartermain

Rollins: “ I do this for the Greater Good…”
the Neighborhood Watch Alliance: “THE GREATER GOOD.”

Birdman

Phillips: “AJ Styles is back!”
Samoa Joe: *Under his breath* “He’s still not getting his wife back”
Saxton: “What was that Joe?”
Samoa Joe: “Nothing!!”

Baron Von Raschke

Why am I picturing Vince in the back going, “I thought I let that guy go.” each time someone’s music plays during this gauntlet match?

MachiavelliX

I want the final spot to go to that tire that Lashley humiliated. Everyone likes a good redemption story.

Jae-Su

FeltLuke

So McIntyre was a hapless goon until finally getting a good singles run. Murphy was having a good singles run (at least allowed to look good) until he became a hapless goon. The WWE formula!

AshBlue

There should be at least one Escape Room in MitB that some people get stuck in for a while.

CFCarboni

What’s AJ going to do when he gets to the roof of the WWE HQ building and he sees the horizon?

WWE

bye Felicia

That does it for another episode of The Best and Worst of Consistently Depressing Quarantine Raw. Not the best show they’ve done, but look at it this way, Jinder Mahal might be back again next week! [sigh] This is what we’ve become.

Anyway, as always you can help us out tremendously right now by sharing the column on social media, as well as dropping down into our comments section to let us know what you thought of the show. I will keep trying to watch these and say something constructive about them, but if I fall into existential, nihilistic despair waiting for real episodes with fans to return, try to laugh at my thinly-veiled cries for help.

Join us here this weekend for our full Money On Top Of The Bank coverage, and again next week for Randy Orton and Edge, who will save the ratings. Hooray!