Previously on the Best and Worst of Friday Night Smackdown: We experienced Triple H Appreciation Night, which ended up being him and Shawn Michaels being lame to each other until a depressed Vince McMahon showed up, called them shitty, and literally shut off the lights on them.

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Here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Friday Night Smackdown for May 1, 2020.

This Week On Smackdown

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Disqualifications!

I get frustrated at WWE’s obsession with “promo parade” segments — somebody opens the show with a promo, somebody else interrupts, a third party interrupts (and so on) until somebody gets attacked, somebody else makes the save, and it sets up a tag team match for later in the show — but promo parades feel like roller coaster rides compared to time-killers. That’s when, say, someone starts off the show with a really good promo and follows it with a watchable 10-15 minute match, but the finish is so flat and retreaded that it feels like you sat through all of it for nothing.

For example, Daniel Bryan opens the show with a good promo about being hungry and leaving no man untested and gets interrupted by Corbin, who might as well have a script in his hand while he talks. I think it’s the rehearsed “ha ha!” laughs that ruin it for me. But yeah, they share a 10-minute promo to set up a 15+ minute match that … ends with Corbin nonchalantly chucking a ladder at Bryan’s face for the disqualification. Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura show up, and the Monarchic Socialists beat Bryan down and throw him into some additional ladders. Because there’s a pay-per-view about ladders coming up. Sami Zayn is at home somewhere, by the way, because the money decision during the pandemic is to win a championship and then bail. See also Rob Gronkowski.

In the interest of any available positivity, the content here’s about as good as it’s going to be considering everyone’s kind of wrestling on a treadmill waiting for shit to get back to normal. Which for Smackdown is just all this same shit, but with people watching.

Promo Parade (Digest)!

If you’re missing the promo parade, here it is crammed into one backstage segment. Tamina is being interviewed and is briefly Tamina before getting interrupted by Sasha Banks. Bayley tries to attack Tamina from behind, and Banks and Bayley clubber her until Lacey Evans makes the save. This sets up Bayley and Sasha Banks vs. the oh my God no all-star team of Tamina Snuka and Lacey Evans. Team name “Snookey.” All I can guarantee you about this interaction is that it’ll make you turn down your volume.

Jobber Squashes!

Recent multiple-time Aleister Black victim Rough Lion returns to be the latest recipient of a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Sheamus says he’ll be here when Jeff Hardy returns to Friday Night Smackdown next week to start up the hottest feud of 2009.

Distraction Finishes!

Mandy Rose loses a Money in the Bank qualifier to Carmella when Sonya Deville shows up on the stage and delivers like 90 straight seconds of distraction. Mandy seems fine at first, but ultimately the constant microphone yelling of goth Gina Linetti is too much, and she catches a sneaker to the face. The match is only about three and a half minutes long, so the distraction portion makes up about 40% of it.

After the match, Sonya gets in the zone and sNaPs on Mandy. I know Sonya provided a lot of information about her motivation as it relates to jealousy, societal expectations for female performers, and vague heel wrestler ennui, but I love that based on the information we were actually given by watching the show every week, Sonya basically turned into a violent, vindictive bully because she tried to micromanage Mandy Rose’s love life and got called out for it. “If you don’t date Dolph Ziggler instead of Otis I’ll kill myself, and then you!!!”

Dolph Ziggler Insisting He’s The Best Wrestler In The World And Then Immediately Losing!

Did you know that nobody in that locker room can do what Dolph Ziggler does, and that he’ll prove it here tonight and eventually be World Champion again? I think Ziggler cuts this promo more often than R-Truth says “what’s up.”

He also almost always follows it with an embarrassing loss. This time around he loses his second match in a month to Otis née Dozovic, an overweight lover with a Kool-Aid Man gimmick. Like most of what Otis has done during quarantine, it’s fine, but would be tremendously improved by crowd response. Shout-out to Otis just kicking Ziggler’s ass again, though, and not losing to the same distraction finish that took away Mandy Rose’s chance to put on gold lamé hot pants and throw forearms in the stairwell of an office building.

Challenger Has Pinned The Champions! You’ve Got To Think That Puts Them Into Contention For A Future Title Shot!

It wouldn’t be a modern WWE show without a champion being pinned in a non-title mach, to set up a title match the champion will win. A couple of hours before the show started, I saw that the match had been announced and Tweeted, “the Forgotten Sons have pinned the Smackdown Tag Team Champions!” The reason I bring this up isn’t because I’m “smart” or “clever” or even because I’m “paying attention.” I bring it up because it’s creatively unacceptable that half the audience could’ve typed this with absolute certainty, because the Smackdown playbook’s seriously only got like five plays in it.

• promos to interruptions to attack to tag team match
• distraction finishes
• DQ finishes with post-match attacks
• disappointing concession to either the Fox executives or the royal family of Saudi Arabia
• challenger has pinned the champion, you’ve got to believe that puts them into consideration for a title shot somewhere down the line

So, the Forgotten Sons? Really? Are we just running the New Day up against a three-man team to play up the Damned Numbers Game so Xavier Woods can make a triumphant return to even the odds? They did say “six months to a year” for his injury to heal, and it’s been seven. At the very least maybe he’ll be well enough to show up and smash a trombone over Gunner’s head, or whatever.

Also On This Episode

Hello Again, Friend Of A Friend

Bray Wyatt reads Braun Strowman a story about black sheep. When Braun challenges him to come to the ring, Wyatt just waves and says “bye!” All right, well, that was nothing. At least Bray’s practicing proper social distancing. Honestly, I hope they decide to be brave and have Wyatt actually regain complete control over Strowman. Bray would take a lot of the stuff Braun’s not good at off his plate, and Braun being subservient would “give” Wyatt the Universal Championship without him having to frustratingly win or lose championship matches.

Monies In The Bank

Finally, we get the hilarious announcement that both Money in the Bank ladder matches will happen at the same time. What would’ve been harder to predict three months ago; a WrestleMania at the Performance Center with no fans, or two concurrent Money in the Bank ladder matches happening on the roof of WWE Headquarters?

The dream of the WWF Super Bowl commercial is alive at Money in the Bank.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Birdman

Daniel Bryan’s psyched to wrestle at WWE HQ. So many people will be wearing ties

troi

Ziggler had one of the most memorable cash ins ever. Who can forget when he pinned [Deleted] and celebrated with Big E [Deleted] and [Deleted].

Baron Von Raschke

Dolph and Sonya are whispering so much they must think they are in the last five minutes of a Chicago PD episode.

AshBlue

Jeff Hardy must be one of the easiest wrestlers to put a promo package together for. Dude has almost killed himself for our entertainment so. many. times.

AddMayne

Oh Yeahs ranked

Macho Man
Otis
Percy Watson

notJames

Mandy Rose: Carmella is a formidable opponent, and a former Ms. Money in the Bank.
Kayla: So, you’ve basically got no chance, huh.
Otis: WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT EL MANDY!?!?

LUNI_TUNZ

Sheamus: “I’m coming to work next week.”

Taylor Swish

Why do all Kings in WWE dress like court jesters

DaveyBoy1991

Retroactively, Corbin is his only name; Baron really was only ever a title which has been upgraded to King of TGI Friday’s

GLOSS

*sees the Make-A-Wish logo on the ramp, remembers that WWE is allowed to have a small live crowd next week* OH NO

That’s it for this week’s Best and Worst of Smackdown. As always, thanks for getting through this with us and checking out the column, especially during this pandemic. It’s hard to keep a lot of this in context, especially with what’s going on with the company in the real world. We appreciate you, as well as your comments in our comments section below, and your social media shares.

Next week we sit through two more hours of this and then Climb The Corporate Ladder at the weirdest Money in the Bank pay-per-view® ever. See you then!

Since the start of 2020, Gorillaz has been delivering music through their new series, Song Machine. So far three songs in the series have been released: “Momentary Bliss,” “Désolé,” with Fatoumata Diawara, and “Aries,” with Peter Hook and Georgia. Its latest song is a tribute to the legendary Afrobeat drummer Tony Allen, who died of a heart attack in Paris on Thursday.

In a press release for the track, Gorillaz revealed that it was recorded with Skepta in London prior to the lockdown and is “being shared immediately as a tribute to the spirit of a great man,” which is to say Allen.

Allen was the drummer and musical director for Fela Kuti’s band Africa 70 in the 1960s and 1970s; Kuti credited him with developing the specific rhythmic style that came to be known as Afrobeat. He’s also collaborated with Gorillaz frontman Damon Albarn before, having been one-fourth of the supergroup The Good, the Bad and the Queen, alongside Paul Simonon and Simon Tong. That group played their last show this past summer in support of their Merrie Land album at Netherlands’ Lowland Festival.

You can watch the video for “How Far” in the video above.

Gorillaz is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Whether you’re spring cleaning or just sick of losing… well, everything… these products are here to help.

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Yikes.

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Since its arrival in late February, G Herbo has been on a promo run for his fourth album, PTSD — and rightfully so, as the album shows his artistic growth while giving him his first stint in the Billboard Top 10. Following its release, Herbo shared a video for “Feelings,” which found him in a therapy session in the comforts of his own home. He would later give a performance of “PTSD” and “Intuition.” Now he’s returned with a video for the album’s intro track.

While the track samples Jay-Z’s introduction on Roc-A-Fella’s album The Dynasty, the video finds Herbo reminiscing about his childhood and the hardships and struggles of his youth. He recreates scenes from when when he was young, showing his introduction to drug-dealing as a child, as well as him continuing to do it as he got older. It also recreates the moment when Herbo witnessed his first murder as a child. Eventually we get to the present day, with the rapper enduring the brisk Chicago cold.

The video comes not long after Herbo’s recent collaboration with Lil Durk, “Chiraq Demons.”

You can watch the video for “Intro” above.

PTSD is out now via Epic Records. Get it here.

The Parks and Recreation special that aired on NBC Thursday night was good for a number of reasons. It reunited the entire main cast, plus a number of supporting faves. It gave nationwide quarantiners something fun and heartwarming to watch, relieving boredom and, during its sing-along finale, making untold viewers weep with joy. And it raised a ton of money for the charity Feeding America — some $3 million so far, to be exact.

Variety first reported Friday afternoon that the special — which found its cast recording from their homes, returning to characters that haven’t been on television since the 2017 series finale — had raised $2.8 million for the charity, which seeks to help the hungry during the pandemic. As per IndieWire, that number has since ballooned even higher. That tally includes not only the amount raised by viewers, but also the $500,000 in matching donations from State Farm, Subaru of America, NBCUniversal, and the show’s cast and crew.

The Parks and Recreation special not only managed to wrangle up the entire main cast — although first and second season regular Paul Schneider (Mark Brandanawicz) and late period scene-stealer/shouter Billy Eichner (Craig Middlebrooks) were MIA — but also favorites like Megan Mullally (Tammy II), Jon Glaser (Councilman Jamm), Mo Collins (Joan Callamezzo), Jay Jackson (Perd Hapley), and more. It even opened with a surprise, gifting us with the return of Paul Rudd, aka bozo rich kid-turned-politico Bobby Newport.

Anyone who still wants to donate to Feeding America can do so here.

(Via Variety and IndieWire)

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While Instagram has attracted a lot of attention, many other platforms have also seen an increase in streaming activity. YouTube and Twitch have become the home for a number of musicians and DJs alike to showcase their talents mid-quarantine. Mark Ronson went to the former to share his star-studded Love Lockdown “video mixtape.”

Ronson recruited a laundry list of well-known talents to appear in a 90-minute mixtape, including DJs A-Trak, Afro B, D-Nice, Disclosure, Jax Jones, Lil Jon, and Peggy Gou. Notable pop stars like Troye Sivan, Miley Cyrus, Robyn, Dua Lipa and Tame Impala also made appearances. Ronson revealed that the Love Lockdown video mixtape was a collaborative effort to “create something joyful and special and give us all the opportunity to #stayhome but still dance together.” For the next 90 minutes, Ronson was joined by some of his favorite artists as they delivered homemade performances of big songs from their catalogs.

Ronson also revealed that the Love Lockdown video mixtape was a way to help Google and YouTube hit their $7.5 million target goal for the World Health Organization. For every $1 donated, Google will donate $2 — up to $5 million total — towards the fundraiser running on Google and YouTube through June 30th. The fundraiser will benefit the COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund for WHO through the UN Foundation.

You can watch the Love Lockdown video mixtape above.

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