Only a handful of albums have reached the top spot on the Billboard 200 chart so far this year, and Lil Baby’sMy Turn is one of them. The record has done quite well, obviously, which is also evidenced by the fact that he is one of the artists with the most Hot 100 entries in 2020. Soon, fans will have even more My Turn to enjoy, as Lil Baby announced today that he will be releasing a deluxe version of the album, which will add six fresh songs to the tracklist. One of those is “All In,” for which Lil Baby has shared a new video.
It appears the clip was filmed during the coronavirus-induced quarantine era, or at the very least, he abides by social distancing guidelines in it. The simple video sees Lil Baby staying mostly in his kitchen, boiling, brushing, and otherwise maintaining his fancy chains and other jewelry to make sure his look is super clean. Beyond that, he’s mostly hanging out in and around his car, smoking and rapping the song.
The tracklist for the deluxe album hasn’t been revealed yet, but that information will be available soon, since the expanded album comes out on May 1.
Apple TV+ launched last November, but its already built an impressive comedy lineup, including Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet, Dickinson (with John Mulaney as Thoreau!), and the upcoming Central Park from the creator of Bob’s Burgers. The latest addition to the streaming service: The Shrink Next Door, starring Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd.
Based on the podcast of the same name, The Shrink Next Door is a “dark comedy inspired by true events that detail the bizarre relationship between psychiatrist to the stars Dr. Isaac ‘Ike’ Herschkopf, played by Paul Rudd, and his longtime patient Martin ‘Marty’ Markowitz, played by Will Ferrell,” according to Apple. “Over the course of their relationship, the all-too-charming Ike slowly takes over Marty’s life, even moving into Marty’s Hamptons home and taking over his family business. The series explores how a seemingly normal doctor-patient dynamic morphs into an unprecedentedly exploitative relationship filled with manipulation, power grabs, and dysfunction at its finest.”
The Shrink Next Door is Ferrell and Rudd’s first working together since Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and it’s directed by Michael Showalter, of Wet Hot American Summer fame. If Rudd doesn’t enter at least one scene on a motorcycle, I’m… well, I’m still going to watch the whole thing, but I’ll pause it to watch this video, too.
The Shrink Next Door does not currently have a premiere date.
After spending years in development hell, TNT’s Snowpiercer series is finally barreling towards TV screens as it just narrowly missed being derailed by the ongoing pandemic.
In the newest trailer, fans of the original Bong Joon-Ho film will see lots of familiar scenery as class tension aboard Snowpiercer boils over into all-out violence between the wealthy passengers towards the front of the train and the impoverished residents in the tail whose backbreaking, and ultimately life-ending, labor powers the moving bunker. The new trailer also leans heavily into The Americans Allison Wright, who seems to have a prominent role alongside Jennifer Connelly.
Here’s the show’s official synpopsis via TNT:
Set more than seven years after the world has become a frozen wasteland Snowpiercer centers on the remnants of humanity, who inhabit a 1001 car, perpetually-moving train that circles the globe. Class warfare, social injustice and the politics of survival play out in this riveting television adaptation based on the acclaimed movie and graphic novel series of the same name. Starring Jennifer Connelly and Daveed Diggs.
Snowpiercer has had a long struggle to see the light of day. The series bounced back and forth between TBS and TNT before finally ultimately landing on the latter where it first started. Back in 2017, Doctor Strange director Scott Derrickson was supposed to film the pilot before he left the project over creative differences. Coincidentally, the film suffered similar problems as Harvey Weinstein infamously sliced and diced the film starring Chris Evans, Cate Blanchett, Octavia Spencer, and Ed Harris before it eventually found its way to theaters. Things seem to be moving more smoothly for the series, however, as it’s already been picked up for a season two renewal. Whether that season will suffer the same hurdles as the first is another story altogether.
Over the past month, everyday life has been completely flipped on its head. The new normal is that 92 percent of the US population has stay at home orders. So most of us aren’t leaving our homes unless we need to go to the grocery store or to pick up a prescription. Some of us are relying on services like Instacart and Postmates and not leaving our homes at all. We’ve been working from home, napping more than we feel comfortable with, and spending a lot of time drinking (but not too much).
As we head toward week six of the shutdown, we’ve found ourselves growing tired of beer and wine and we’re looking for a respite from drinking our favorite spirits neat. So we asked some of our favorite bartenders for recipes to the eight simple cocktails everyone needs to know to make quarantine just a little bit easier. And boozier.
Daiquiri
Weston Lou, head bartender at Hakkasan in New York City
Recipe:
1.5 ounces white rum
.5 ounce simple syrup
1-ounce lime juice
Directions:
Pour each ingredient into a shaker. Shake thoroughly and strain into a chilled coupe glass (or any glass you have on hand)
For me, the daiquiri is the one classic you absolutely have to know. In the modern cocktail world, bartenders are focused and can often get lost in executing complex drinks with a multiple array of exotic ingredients. The daiquiri, however, at its simplest form, is a rum sour composed of three basic ingredients.
In order to make a good daiquiri, you are forced to focus on all the minute details — such as the quality of your citrus, the type of rum, sweetener, and even glassware being used. It also provides a great foundation for understanding how to balance flavors in drinks, which will help as you branch off into making other cocktails.
Stir in ice-filled glass. Strain into a chilled rocks glass. Add a maraschino cherry garnish.
Since it’s been experiencing a resurgence for a while now, and for good reason, I think every cocktail enthusiast should know how to make a proper Manhattan. Being able to maneuver your way through the most elegant and sophisticated of classics is a must and learning to balance the fundamentals of booze, bitters, and vermouth is one of the most important bar skills that anyone can learn.
Gin & Tonic
Camilo Tavera, head bartender at Hakkasan in Miami
Recipe:
1 part gin
3 parts tonic
1 lime wedge
Directions:
Fill a glass with ice. Add gin and tonic. Garnish with a lime wedge.
The gin and tonic is a quintessential beverage for any drinker. Bright aromas and spices from your gin of preference along with a superior tonic create a light and accessible drink. Adding fresh fruit, like lemon, or lime really amps it up.
Fill a glass with ice. Stir in each ingredient. Garnish with an orange peel.
If you’re going to be drinking cocktails the one drink you should know how to make is probably a negroni. The recipe is easy as 1,2,3 (literally). This cocktail staple is sipped from every corner of the earth — for good reason.
Boulevardier
Phil Testa, beverage manager at The Rickey in New York City
Recipe:
1-ounce Campari
1-ounce bourbon
1-ounce sweet red vermouth
1 orange peel
Directions:
Stir in an ice-filled glass. Garnish with orange peel.
Every cocktail drinker should know how to make a boulevardier. It goes without saying, but other than a martini, it’s the easiest drink to mess up. I think any great bartender should know how to make a well-balanced boulevardier that alters its recipe by the whiskey (bourbon, rye, or whatever you choose) you use. Same thing goes with martinis. They should adjust based on gin or vodka and you should know how to showcase the flavors. So go ahead and start practicing.
Martini
Victoria Levin, director of project management at Blau + Associates in Las Vegas
Recipe:
3 ounces gin (or vodka)
.5 ounces dry vermouth
1 olive
Directions:
Fill a glass with ice. Pour all ingredients into glass. Stir and strain into chilled martini glass. Add an olive as garnish.
The martini. Although technically simple, there is an art to it. You have to know what to ask – vodka or gin, vermouth amount, garnish, etc. You have to know to stir or shake, you need bar tools, ideally, you want good ice… It takes pride and a little bit of love. It’s sexy but simple. Plus, whether you’re drinking it yourself or serving someone else, you know you’re getting the night started on an excellent note.
Old Fashioned
Sarah Mengoni, bartender at Double Take in Los Angeles
Recipe:
2 ounces bourbon
.25 ounces simple syrup
1 sugar cube
1 dash Angostura bitters
1 dash water
1 maraschino cherry
Directions:
Put the sugar cube (or simple syrup) in a rocks glass. Add a dash of bitters to the cube. Add a dash of water.
Muddle the sugar until it melts away. Fill the glass with ice cubes. Add bourbon. Garnish with a maraschino cherry. An Old Fashioned. It’s a simple recipe that can be used as a versatile template to create other cocktails using the ingredients found at one’s home bar. 2 ounces whiskey, .25 ounces simple syrup or one sugar cube, 1 dash Angostura Bitters. The whiskey can be replaced with another spirit, like tequila. The sugar can be replaced with a sweet liqueur, like Ancho Reyes. The Angostura Bitters can be replaced with another bitter ingredient, like Campari. The options are endless.
The NFL Draft will begin on Thursday night, as the anticipation for the 2020 virtual draft has been even higher than most years given the lack of live sports options for fans. That’s led to more discussion and speculation about what will happen over the weekend, and as always there’s a tremendous amount of bandwidth used to discuss this year’s quarterback class.
Washington quarterback Jacob Eason entered this season’s draft process with some thinking he might be able to climb draft boards once teams got him into facilities and saw his incredible arm talent in person. With just two years of tape — 2016 as a true freshman at Georgia and 2019 as a redshirt junior at Washington — those visits were going to be a big opportunity for him to make a statement with his arm and get front offices and coaching staffs excited about the possibility of taking him.
With the draft process being shifted to the virtual world due to COVID-19, Eason lost out on that opportunity and, like everyone else, has had to make a great impression over the phone and in video calls. Eason spoke with Uproxx Sports on behalf of Head and Shoulders on Wednesday about the challenges of that process, if he felt that the lack of in-person workouts was a bigger hurdle for him than some others, what he’s telling teams in interviews, what they’re asking him to work on, and what he’ll be doing for Thursday’s virtual NFL Draft Red Carpet.
Obviously this has been a unique draft process for everyone, what have the last couple months been like for you?
For me, it’s been a lot of phone calls, Zoom meetings, Skype interviews. You know, with the virus thing going on, I’m still working out and training every day, I’ve just gotta make sure I’m keeping my numbers down and staying safe with all the regulations. It’s really been the same thing it would be if there’d not been a virus, but all online. All my trips and visits were cancelled, which is unfortunate because I’d like to have had more face time with teams, but I think through calls and video meetings I’ve been able to push my strengths and get my personality out there.
I felt you were going to be a guy impacted a little more than most by the lack of private workouts since you have just the two years of tape and those are four years apart. Those are a chance to really pop and show your skills in person. Have you felt that at all and how have you tried to make up for not having those opportunities to get in team facilities?
Yeah, I have felt that. That was going to be my chance to show my strengths and how well I can spin the ball and show some throws I can make. But I was able to make a pro day video of an on the field workout, mock pro day type thing that we sent out to all the teams. So, the biggest thing right now is controlling what you can control, and this virus is out of my control. Given the circumstances, I’ve had to do everything I can to put my best foot forward and put myself in the best situation. That’s what I’ve been doing and doing everything I can to put myself in the best opportunity.
Part of the draft process is selling yourself to teams and letting them know why they should take you. What are you telling teams when you have meetings or calls with them about what they’ll get as a player and a guy in the locker room if they draft you?
My biggest thing is I’ve pushed my personality. I feel like I’m a great teammate and can be a great leader. I mesh well with just about everyone in the locker room, and that’s something I take pride in. I take pride in making relationships that are meaningful so when the game’s on the line so I can trust whoever I’m throwing to or handing off too or who’s protecting me. That’s the biggest thing for me. I want to push my leadership and my love for the game, that’s the other thing that really stands out. I’m super passionate about going out and winning football games. I have goals I want to achieve, and in conversations with these teams I’ve been able to tell them what those goals are and how I feel about playing this game and being in a locker room full of guys with their hearts set on the same goal. It’s been a pretty cool experience, a very different experience as well. I’m super fortunate to be in a position to talk with these teams and push my strengths.
On the other side, what are the things teams have told you they’d like to see you work on and improve on in your game?
You pull up the tape and there’s some things that stick out. One of the things is I have a tendency to go back and left out of the pocket and that’s one of the things I’ve been working on. Just working on moving up and through [in the pocket] rather than backing out. So I’ve been drilling that non-stop trying to get to the next level. And then whether it’s protections or seeing coverages or different man-zone concepts, really a melting pot of different things I’ve been working on and preparing for whenever I’m able to fly down to my new city and get rolling. There’s several things that I’ve been working on and there’s also several things I’ve done really well that I’ve been maintaining and making sure I stay on point there as well. It’s been a good thing to have a chance to work on small things and also keeping the main thing the main thing.
How are you managing the stress and excitement as we near draft weekend?
You know what, it’s kind of settling in. I talked to my pops last night and I kind of made a round of calls. Like, I went back and talked to Jim Cheney and Kirby Smart, my old coaches at Georgia. I talked to Chris Petersen and Jimmy Lake at Washington and I even called my old high school coach Tom Tri, and just went down the line. A lot of it, I didn’t really think of it until now what’s about to happen, and it’s been a lifelong goal of mine since I was a little kid throwing the ball with my dad. It’s going to be really emotional and exciting and I’m anxious and all of the above, really. It’s kind of settling in. Overall, I’m excited and very fortunate. Happy to be in this position where this opportunity is coming up and I’m super excited and hungry to get picked and start getting working on my new team.
You’re going to be part of the NFL Virtual Red Carpet, what can you tell me about that and how fans can check in on how a lot of you and other prospects are getting ready for and taking in the Draft?
Yeah, so we’re doing it all virtual this year, so fans and whoever wants to check it out, it’ll be #NFLDraftRedCarpet. It’ll be on on Thursday and you can see all the styles and what everybody’s wearing, and it’ll be a pretty cool deal. So, make sure you check that out. I was able to get a cool outfit, take some pictures and do a little red carpet walk. I got a nice hair cut and am looking good for the big day.
You’ve got a pretty strong flow, was Head and Shoulders just a natural fit for you?
Yeah it was. You know, Head and Shoulders, I go with their styling products to help me take care of my scalp and hair style while I’m quarantined, cause it can be hard to get a hair cut with everything going on. Their style cream’s been a go-to at home, and they’re helping me look good and feel good, so I’m excited to show off my head of hair on draft day and show the people what they want.
We’ve all got more time on our hands right now, so why not spend it binge-watching all of the killer content that HBO is delivering this month? In the mood for some feature-length blockbusters? Todd Phillips’ Joker and the horror-comedy Ready or Not are our top picks. Ready to binge a new limited series? Mark Ruffalo’s family drama might be your next obsession. Think you know how Westworld’s latest season will end? Well, you probably don’t, but catch the finale, and let us know if you got it right.
Here’s everything coming to (and leaving) HBO this May.
Joker (film streaming 5/16)
In case you didn’t catch it in theaters, or you just want to revisit the chaos and mayhem of Joaquin Phoenix’s troubled clown, Todd Phillips’ Joker is coming to HBO this month. This gritty origin story imagines the DC villain as a mentally-ill clown-for-hire named Arthur, who spirals when his stand-up career turns sour, and he discovers the truth about his lineage. Really, it doesn’t take much to put this guy over the edge.
Ready or Not (film streaming 5/23)
Samara Weaving and Adam Brody star in this horror jaunt about a wealthy family with a dark secret. Weaving plays Grace, a young woman set to marry her fiance, Alex, at his family’s estate. Alex comes from money, and Grace quickly discovers that his ancestors pulled some supernatural strings to get rich quick. A deadly game of hide-and-seek and a curse that ends in exploding bodies follow.
I Know This Much Is True (limited series streaming 5/10)
Mark Ruffalo pulls double duty in this limited drama series, playing a man struggling to reassemble his shattered life and the man’s twin brother, a schizophrenic with demons of his own. The siblings uncover tragic details about their family’s history of mental illness while also trying to right the wrongs that they’ve committed in their own lives.
Westworld (Season 3 finale streaming 5/3)
The third (but not final) season of Westworld comes to a close this month. Dolores is one step closer to enacting her endgame — which is either to rule the world and subjugate humanity, or free humans from their own loops. Serac is determined to stop her and he seeks to use Maeve as the weapon to do so.
Series Premieres: Betty, Series Premiere (5/1) I Know This Much Is True, Limited Series Premiere (5/10) Hard, Series Premiere (5/18)Series Finales: Atlanta’s Missing and Murdered: The Lost Children, Docuseries Finale (5/3) Westworld, Season 3 Finale (5/3) My Brilliant Friend, Season 2 Finale (5/4) Todxs Nosotrxs, Season Finale (5/15) Run, Series Finale (5/24)Theatrical Premieres: Bigger, 2018 (5/1) Western Stars, 2019 (5/1) The Art of Racing in the Rain, 2019 (5/2) Downton Abbey (5/9) Joker, 2019 (5/16) Ready or Not, 2019 (5/23) Lucy in the Sky, 2019 (5/30)
Original Programming: Natalie Wood: What Remains Behind (5/5)
Estrenos: Long Gone By, 2020 (5/1) Her Body, 2020 (5/1) El Pacto (AKA The Pact), 2020 (5/15)
Starting May 1: The Art of Getting By, 2011 Black Knight, 2001 BlacKkKlansman, 2018 Broken Arrow, 1996 Cast Away, 2000 Cinema Paradiso (Director’s Cut), 1990 Cold Mountain, 2003 Commando, 1985 Contagion, 2011 Cowboys & Aliens (Unrated Version), 2011 Crazy Rich Asians, 2018 Death at a Funeral, 2007 Dick Tracy, 1990 The Fighter, 2010 Friday Night Lights, 2004 Green Card, 1990 The Hangover Part II, 2011 The Hot Chick, 2002 How Stella Got Her Groove Back, 1998 In Bruges, 2008 Incarnate, 2016 Jaws, 1975 Jaws 2, 1978 Jaws 3-D, 1983 Jaws: The Revenge, 1987 John Tucker Must Die, 2006 Josie and the Pussycats, 2001 The Kite Runner, 2007 La La Land, 2016 Little Shop of Horrors (Director’s Cut), 1986 Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, 2018 The Meg, 2018 Michael Clayton, 2007 My Big Fat Greek Wedding, 2002 Nocturnal Animals, 2016 Paul (Extended Version), 2011 Precious, 2009 Rise of the Guardians, 2012 School of Rock, 2003 Signs, 2002 Something Borrowed, 2011 This Means War (Extended Version), 2012 Twins, 1988 Unstoppable, 2010 Wild Hogs, 2007 Your Highness (Extended Version), 2011
Ending May 14: Pan, 2015
Ending May 31: A Thousand Words, 2012 Agent Cody Banks, 2003 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, 2004 Bad Girls (Extended Version), 1994 Bark Ranger, 2015 Being Julia, 2004 Big, 1988 Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (Extended Version), 2011 Cedar Rapids, 2011 Closer, 2011 Cold Pursuit, 2019 The Condemned, 2007 The Condemned 2, 2015 The Darjeeling Limited, 2007 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, 2011 Down to You, 2000 Far from Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog, 1995 Five Fingers, 2006 Greta, 2019 Grosse Pointe Blank, 1997 Happy Death Day, 2017 Happy Death Day 2U, 2019 Hope Floats, 1998 Isn’t It Romantic, 2019 Jingle All the Way (Director’s Cut), 1996 The Land Before Time, 1988 The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure, 1994 The Land Before Time III: The Time of Great Giving, 1995 The Land Before Time IV: The Journey Through the Mists, 1996 The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island, 1997 The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock, 1998 The Land Before Time VII: The Big Freeze, 2001 The Land Before Time IX: Journey to Big Water, 2002 The Land Before Time X: The Great Longneck Migration, 2003 My Dog Skip, 2000 Nine Months, 1995 Red Eye, 2005 Red Riding Hood (Extended Version), 2011 Reversal of Fortune, 1990 Rise of the Planet of the Apes, 2011 Sucker Punch (Extended Version), 2011 The Station Agent, 2003 The Town (Extended Version), 2010 True Lies, 1994 Unknown, 2011
The 1975 have been teasing the release of their album, Notes On A Conditional Form, for some time now. The group recently unveiled the record’s cover art and tracklist, and now they’ve given fans yet another preview of their 22-track record with “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know).”
The track’s accompanying visual, directed by Adam Powell, slates the band as vintage rockers. The black-and-white video depicts the band nonchalantly performing the single amid a stark backdrop. The song itself boasts shimmering production and ’80s-inspired synths while a buoyant guitar riff arrives in between vocalist Matty Healy’s musings. An ultimate nod to ’80s nostalgia, the track sees a Kenny G-style saxophone interlude. “This time, I think I’m gonna drink through it / But I see her online, and I don’t think that I should be calling / All the time, I just wanted a happy ending,” Healy sings.
Ahead of their single’s release, The 1975 announced they would be pushing back their album’s release and setting a firm date. While Healy had previously stated the album would see a late April release, Notes On A Conditional Form has been delayed until May.
Watch the “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” video above.
Notes On A Conditional Form is out 5/22 via Dirty Hit. Pre-order it here.
If you’d like to keep up with this column and its thinly veiled Best and Worst format, you can keep tabs on the Ins and Outs of AEW Dynamite tag page. You can keep track of all things All Elite here.
And now, the Ins and Outs of All Elite Wrestling Dynamite for April 22, 2020.
All In: The TNT Championship Tournament Continues
This week’s Dynamite is book-ended by the two remaining first round matches in the TNT Championship tournament; one playing off an an established rivalry, and one teasing the end of a career, possibly to set up a televised murder in the semi-finals.
Up first is Sammy Guevara vs. Darby Allin, and while it doesn’t reach the heights of their classic from Revolution (and can’t, I don’t think, without a real crowd), it’s more in-ring goodness from two of AEW’s best young, for lack of better phrasing, “homegrown” stars. It’s also the latest installment of Darby Allin’s episodic quest to cripple himself by diving headfirst out of the ring into walls and barricades. It’s like Sin Cara, except he’s doing it on purpose.
AEW
Allin wins, both because he’s great and because of course he’s Cody Rhodes’ semi-finals opponent. Can I say really quickly how much I like the Last Supper as a finisher? Not enough American wrestlers choose to use inescapable pinning combinations as ways to end matches. I always dug guys like Super Delfin who had simple, hard-to-escape leverage pins as signature moves. My favorite Daniel Bryan Danielson move will always be the small package.
On the other side of the bracket we’ve got Dustin Rhodes putting his career on the line against Kip Sabian. Sure, putting your career on the line against a guy half your size who needs his girlfriend to help him defeat even the lowest-ranking jobbers is pretty low stakes, but it’s a great way to get people talking about what an incredible 32-year career Dustin’s had so far, and sets up some delightful and terrifying pathos for his semi-finals match. If Dustin vs. Sabian felt like it could’ve ended Dustin’s career, what’s it going to feel like when he’s in there against a 6-foot-8 hollering murderer who wants nothing more than to eliminate Cody Rhodes? That seems like a recipe for both blood and guts. And not in the fun way.
Everyone watching should take a lesson from Dustin here. If you’re wrestling Kip Sabian, bring a lady to the ring with you. Kip could be in there against a cardboard cut-out and Penelope Ford would try to help him win, so find Brandi Rhodes or a rough equivalent to counter it. This is doing the world’s lowest-effort homework.
Student Squashes Of The Week
Here’s AEW Tag Team Champion, AAA Mega Champion, and promotion non-specific Best Bout Machine Kenny Omega having to try way too hard to defeat Alan Angels. After all, this is the same guy Lance Archer put in a grave two weeks ago. One of the strangest things about Omega is that his character completely ignores tier charts and has random difficulty turned on for every match. Not that Kenny shouldn’t devote some of his TV time to making young guys and new stars look like they deserve to be in the ring, but there’s got to be a happy medium between the Kenny Omega who mindlessly no-sells everything to do anime taunts, and the Kenny Omega who’s letting Alan Angels ground-and-pound him. I’m really happy he won with a V-Trigger too, not only because that makes V-Trigger nearfalls in AEW more believable, but means Omega didn’t have to bust out the goddamn One-Winged Alan Angel.
“Justin Law, man. Justin Trouble’s what his name should be.” — Chris Jericho, talking to the “AEW Galaxy”
Justin Law, who definitely interns at Wardlow & Associates, gets bludgeoned by the brother Brodie Lee. After the match, Brodie makes a point to walk over and intimidate Marko Stunt, which seems like another example of a giant AEW monster picking on the smallest guy in the room, but actually makes sense given that Stunt was one of the first guys to turn down a Dark Order mask. The highlight is probably Jericho, a man who has competed off and on in Japan for his entire career and definitely understands the concept of match-ending lariats, incredulously declaring, “He just beat Justin Law … with a CLOTHESLINE!”
AEW
In a match that didn’t get a clip on AEW’s YouTube page, GoldbergBrock Lesnar Wardlow defeats Lee Johnson. Johnson, who we recently saw on Dark accidentally busting open his trainer, takes a Goldberg-style military press into a powerslam and two throwing vertical suplexes before hopping up like nothing happened and being like, HAVE THESE TWIRLS AND FOREARMS! There’s got to be somebody better for this gig. At least Lee took the F-10 better than Ryan Piles.
Orange Is The New Black
The only other match on the card is Orange Cassidy vs. Jimmy Havoc, which is fun, but would’ve been ten times better with a crowd. Sure, you could say that for any match happening during quarantine, but I think Orange Cassidy only works when being digested in real-time by a wrestling audience. He’s great no matter what, but his character and presentation’s already a tightrope walk without losing that instant validation.
Highlights:
Orange winning with what I’m assuming is called the ORANGE CLUTCH, continuing my love of pinning combinations as match-enders, and
Orange Cassidy winning, just in general
“LOOK AT PENELOPE WHAT’S SHE GONNA DO …. oh, nothing” — Chris Jericho
Outside The Ring Nonsense Of The Week
Did you watch last week’s episode of The Bubbly Bunch and think, “this would be so much better if they were engaging in a fake TikTok dance contest to win a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer?” If so, what’s wrong with you? Also, you’re a genius and they did the thing. Enjoy FLIM FLAM — “not affiliated with TikTok” — featuring the Inner Circle doing what appears to be a Judas Effect-themed dance with “Don’t Rush Challenge” transition vibes. If this is a real TikTok dance don’t @ me, I don’t want to know.
AEW
walking into The Temple to ruin Lucha Underground like
I didn’t think they’d be able to continually top themselves after adorable dogs chasing a drone while Chris Jericho curses at it and random edits of Grinch close-ups and breakfast spills, but Jericho offering the world’s worst prize to his friends for an imaginary social media platform dance contest, getting mad at Sammy Guevara for upstaging him, and angrily throwing the bottle of sanitizer at his own phone as if he’s “giving it” to Guevara is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.
Here’s MJF in front of someone else’s house doing a riff on a Randy Orton bit from 20 years ago. I like that not only does he have his scarf tucked under the sling arm, but he got a finger sleeve with the same design. What a wonderfully insufferable human being.
Matt Hardy adds a great layer to his AEW character this week by revealing that he can transmogrify between his “essence” and “vessel” and morph from DAMASCUS into regular old, unkillable Matt Hardy. The ability to switch between characters like this is going to do him a lot of favors when he wants to have serious beefs and feuds that don’t involve magical backyard fights and drone-assisted teleportation. But don’t worry, he stays Damascus long enough to hit a few choice lines, with this one being my favorite:
“Samuel, I welcome you here if you wish to fight Jericho’s fight for him. But be warned, Samuel. If you come to the Hardy compound, I will mash you up into a MOFONGO … and EAT YOU!!“
Mofongo, of course, is both a Puerto Rican dish consisting of garlic mashed plantains, and what you’d call the tag team of Dan Maff and Steve McMichael.
Finally, here’s a great character video on Scorpio Sky to remind you that the rest of the AEW roster still exists, we just don’t ever get to see them.
All In: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Birdman
Bad scouting by Jimmy Havok not realizing OC gets +50 to all attributes once his hands go in his pockets
Brute Farce
What Dustin really means is “if winning tonight means I have to wrestle Lance Archer, I’d rather retire.”
AshBlue
they should just debut Marty Scrull as a random crowd member but never call attention to it
I hope the payoff to that Roomba shot is that it’s actually a sentient robot sent by Damascus.
Baron
“Help from an Angel…Highway to Heaven…Whatever the hell that show is!”
JERICHO IS A NATIONAL TREASURE!
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
A Canadian Destroyer used as finisher, what is this, 2007?
AddMayne
my favorite Luke Harper memory is when he was warning Bray every week that the guy named after a snake was obviously going to turn on them and he never listened
Mr. Bliss
Poor Best Friends, their feud gets downgraded from Death Triangle to Meth Triangle
Clay Quartermain
Scorpio Sky’s segment felt like a Dark Side of the Ring episode where nothing bad happened
TheGreenMiles
Amazing that Jericho is such a brilliant commentator because he just reacts to what’s happening without trying to feed us talking points. Somehow “he hit him hard, that musta hurt!” comes across as refreshing.
Dave M J
…how did Jake Hager get back into his house?
I forgot to mention it, but Cody has a Bat Cave now. [shrug]
That does it for this week’s column. Thanks for reading about Dynamite! If you’re able to leave us a comment below, give the column a share on social media, and make sure you’re back here next week. Here’s what you’ll see:
Brodie Lee trying to break Lance Archer’s “Beating The Shit Out Of Marko Stunt” record
Jon Moxley, hopefully staying far away from Jake Hager forever
Kip Sabian and Jimmy Havoc in a no disqualification match against Best Friends that will probably be more like a six-person tag
Cody vs. Darby Allin in the TNT Championship tournament
While every live sporting event has been postponed or canceled in the last month-plus due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the NFL Draft is proceeding as scheduled, just virtually, with Thursday night’s first round.
ESPN and the NFL Network will co-broadcast the draft, sharing remote coverage duties, but one staple of ESPN’s draft coverage over the last decade will not be on the broadcast. Todd McShay has become one of the leading draft experts since joining ESPN and became the foil for the legendary Mel Kiper Jr., with their back and forths being one of the most entertaining parts of any draft. Unfortunately, McShay will not be part of this year’s coverage as he is currently recovering from a battle with the coronavirus, as he made public in a statement on Thursday morning.
McShay thanked the tireless efforts of the nation’s healthcare workers, who he called the “true heroes,” while also making sure to prod at Kiper by telling Trey Wingo and everyone else to make sure they keep Mel in line during the broadcast. It’ll be a bit odd not having McShay offering analysis and insight into prospects during this year’s draft, but hopefully he will have a speedy and full recovery and will be back sparring with Kiper ahead of the 2021 edition.
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