Previously on Total Bellas: Nikki attempted to make repairs in her new home and her relationship with her father. Both of these things seemed vaguely traumatizing for Artem!

Was There Anything About Wrestling In This Week’s Episode Of Total Bellas?

Just a few shots of Daniel Bryan wrestling while Brie explained that he couldn’t come to Mexico because he was on the road, so not really. But the preview for next week features both Bryan and John Laurinaitis so that one should be much more relevant to this website!

Down In Mexicali

“Bellas Without Borders” seemed like a promising episode on paper with its promise of family drama and vacation shenanigans. (Vacation episodes almost always bring the best and/or most deranged out of reality TV, and also I would like to live vicariously through people with beautiful hair experiencing new places because I am trapped inside, my haircut deteriorating, my only new experience the occasional spider.) However, this was the weakest episode of season five so far. Some potential was there, but the editing barely allowed it to breathe. Reality TV editing usually enhances drama, but here the scenes were so short that it barely registered before the show raced on to something else. It was a weird viewing experience.

The premise of this week’s episode was the Bellas going to visit their estranged dad, Jon, and his new family in Mexicali, and the fallout of that trip. After visiting their grandma, they cross the border to meet Jon, his two kids, and his wife Ana, who is only one year older than the Bellas. That’s 36 or 37, depending on when this was filmed, so it’s not an inherently creepy age gap, but Papa Bella makes it creepy by calling his wife and daughter “triplets.” This is twenty times weirder in the context of how aware this dude always seems to be about being on TV.

Jon is pretty sleazy throughout the episode, but his kids seem nice and the Bellas find the trip fulfilling while Artem tags along and plays a tenser Tyson Kidd. The twins never really go over the childhood chapter of their book with their dad, which was supposed to be the main reason for their trip, but the Mexicali excursion does lead to more tension with their mom. The resurgence of this conflict introduced last week becomes the one thing from this week that gets explored a little in the episode’s final scenes.

Their settings aren’t all that naturalistic, but the segments where the Bellas and Kathy (and sometimes JJ) talk about their past still feel rooted in the real history of their family. The twins were vague about their childhoods last week, opening up its negative aspects less than their parents, but here Nikki admits that yeah, there is a part of her that blames Kathy for not taking them out of a bad environment sooner. Both mommy and daddy issues have now been placed on the table this season.

As fake as Total Bellas usually looks and feels, it’s clear that our heroes (?) have experienced a lot of a kind of pain that doesn’t easily fit in the box of an E! show. It’s completely understandable both for Nikki and Brie to want to have a relationship with their dad and for Kathy not to even want to hear about them reaching out to the other half of what seems like a traumatic marriage. That kind of stuff can’t just be cleanly introduced and wrapped up in an episode or three. Like the other episodes in season five, “Bellas Without Borders” leaves you hoping everybody’s talking about the part of the legit-feeling part of the conflict off-screen too.

Bella Lines Of The Week

The biggest indicator that this was a weak episode of Total Bellas is that I barely have any options for this section! Nikki telling Artem that “Brie says that I gave everyone in the school head lice, but I was just the first to admit it” was pretty good though. (She definitely gave everyone head lice.) The most baffling line of the week besides the “triplets” thing actually comes from outside the Bella clan when their former babysitter tells Nikki in a derogatory way that she looks heavier on TV. What is this person talking about? Nikki Bella has been professionally in good shape on TV for over ten years? She looks very hot in this very scene?? Was this negging???

John Laurinaitis Compliment Of The Week

Nothing from this week could be interpreted as a dig at John Cena, but another wrestling John got a mention. Johnny Laurinaitis – former Dynamic Dude and Raw general manager, current stepdad to the Bella Twins – was put over by his wife, Kathy, when she said that in contrast to her first relationship, she now has “a wonderful man, and we respect each other.” Way to crush it, Ace.

During a recent Bernie Sanders livestream, Justin Vernon debuted a new song called “Things Behind Things Behind Things.” It turns out he’s not done with new music: Today, Bon Iver have shared “PDLIF,” the title of which stands for “Please Don’t Live In Fear.”

The song is based on a sample of Alabaster DePlume’s “Visit Croatia,” and it features contributions from Jim-E Stack, BJ Burton, Kacy Hill, Rob Moose, and Michael Lewis. Bon Iver notes, “It proves that, though apart, we’re never alone; the importance of collaboration/community is as strong as ever.” All proceeds from the song will go to humanitarian aid organization Direct Relief, to support healthcare workers during the pandemic.

Bon Iver have been all about good causes lately, as they brought attention to another important issue earler this month, tweeting, “April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and survivors need our help and support more than ever. The severity of sexual and domestic violence is only made worse as the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic forces countless survivors into lockdowns with their abusers. […] Know that we stand behind you always.”

This comes not long after Bon Iver, like many other artists, were forced to postpone upcoming tour dates. They wrote at the time, “The entire Bon Iver team has been closely monitoring this unprecedented worldwide health situation, and it is under the guidance of those more knowledgeable than us that we have determined rescheduling to be the safest path forward for all involved.”

In more positive Vernon news, though, new material from Big Red Machine is apparently almost done, as Aaron Dessner wrote last month that he was “literally finishing new @bigredmachineadjv as we speak.”

Listen to “PDLIF” above.

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The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.

Long before we were all forced into it, Fiona Apple turned social distancing into an art form.

For the better of the early 21st century, the masterful 42-year-old singer-songwriter has sequestered herself away from the pop mainstream she once uncomfortably ruled. In the past 20 years, she’s only put out three albums — including her latest, Fetch The Bolt Cutters — and the gap between releases has grown longer with each LP. That she retreated to her home in Venice Beach was not a surprise — at the height of her early fame, she famously stared down the vacuous hordes at the MTV Video Music Awards and declared that “this world is bullshit.” This clearly was not a person who longed for the red carpet. What is surprising, however, is how this separation from the larger culture hasn’t diluted her skills as an artist or perceptive observer of human nature. In spite of the eight years that separates her new album from 2012’s The Idler Wheel …, Apple remains bracingly vital, with a perspective that’s as insightfully thorny as ever. Perhaps more than any other musical artist, she understands that we have ways of infecting and even destroying each other that have nothing to do with pandemics.

Take the title track, which derives from a line of dialogue in the Gillian Anderson British crime TV series, The Fall. Over a clattering, rhythm-centric instrumental track — constructed in part from a “percussion orchestra” of various instruments and household objects that Apple painstakingly assembled herself — she recounts feeling ostracized as a teenager: “The cool kids voted to get rid of me / I’m ashamed of what it did to me / what I let get done.” (She could also be referring to the fallout from the VMAs incident, when she was a popular target for mockery in the media.) You might think that the title phrase alludes to an introvert escaping exile, but Apple actually flips it in novel, droll fashion. For her, the escape is into exile, emboldened by the confidence of an adult woman who can look back and see that her tormenters “don’t know shit.”

This, again, might seem like typical thematic terrain for a Fiona Apple record. But what makes Fetch The Bolt Cutters feel like a new high-water mark for her — is it possible to rank all five of her albums as tied for her best? — is how she has pared her music down to the barest essentials, while also deepening and broadening her lyrics, finding fresh nuances that eschew easy answers or reductions.

This is her rawest record, but also her funniest, distinguished by sparse yet eccentrically detailed soundscapes that provide a backdrop for Apple to fully explore every aspect of her (and perhaps your) highly contradictory inner life. She’s furious and forgiving, full of love and hate, and capable of both eviscerating and soothing her subjects.

This comes through in her words, as well as her music. Fetch The Bolt Cutters uses the final track from The Idler Wheel …, the ecstatic Andrew Sisters-in-hell tour de force “Hot Knife,” as a starting point, removing almost every sound that is not a voice or an irregular beat. The vocals sound like first, or at least imperfect, takes, preserving every cracked or frayed note, creating moments of unnerving emotional violence amid the hypnotic rattling that surrounds her. Imagine if Beyonce made music inspired by the first Roches LP, and you’re not that far off.

That’s right — I said funny. You don’t hear that adjective enough applied to Fiona Apple. Intense? Cathartic? Soul-baring? Yes, those words all still apply. But there’s also a sardonic quality to her curmudgeonly dismissal of other people. This Larry David aspect of her work comes through most clearly on “Under The Table,” which is about how dinner parties are the absolute worst. I actually laughed out loud the first time I heard her deadpan delivery of the opening line of the first verse: “I told you I didn’t want to go to this dinner.” Of course she did! Who thought Fiona Apple of all people would have fun at this party? She proceeds to describe her lack of patience with the boorish man who dragged her there with acidic glee. “Kick me under the table all you want / I won’t shut up.” Cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme.

And then there’s “Shameka,” the wittiest and truest song about feeling zero nostalgia for childhood since Steely Dan’s “My Old School.” Over a theatrical piano lick that sounds like a cut-up parody of her Extraordinary Machine period, Apple relates another anecdote about being bullied as a child, with loads of pithy details about how she tried and failed to deflect her classmates by acting tough or ignoring them. In the end, however, there’s a small moment of triumph, related in the chorus: Her bully says she “had potential.” Even when Fiona is down, she is never out.

While fans having been writing down Fiona Apple lyrics for solace in their journals since the late ’90s, Fetch The Bolt Cutters stands apart as her best-written album. In terms of both style and substance, her songs have never been as quotable or inviting for close reading. “Rack Of His,” which features the album’s most dynamic and unvarnished vocal, also includes some of her most dazzling writing, including this show-stopping line: “Check out that rack of his / Look at that row of guitar necks / Lined up like eager fillies / Outstretched like legs of Rockettes.” It’s the poetic equivalent of an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo.

As a narrative, “Newspaper” is the most gripping track: A woman becomes obsessed with the new lover of her ex, a feeling driven by jealousy and empathy, and manifested by a somewhat unhealthy desire to befriend this person. The music — a booming, syncopating slap that sounds like a bat hitting a trash can and a set of pots and pans occasionally accompanied by a chorus of heavenly voices — suits the song’s Hitchcockian set-up. It’s not clear whether the protagonist is a hero or villain; her feelings are virtuous and a little unhinged.

Fans and detractors alike have caricatured Apple over the years as a spiteful “scorned woman” figure, forever raging at cruel, unfeeling men. But the most compelling dynamics explored on Fetch The Bolt Cutters are between women, and how the world (to quote “Newspaper”) makes “sure that we’ll never be friends.” If there’s a connective thread in these songs, it’s Apple working her way through to the other side of this, from the self-awareness of “Relay” (“But I know if I hate you for hating me, I will have entered the endless race”) to the righteous fury of “For Her,” which was inspired by the Kavanaugh hearings. Here, again, Apple is a master of commingling conflicting emotions for maximum emotional effect, setting the album’s single most disturbing lyric — “You raped me in the same bed your daughter was born in” — to some its most ebullient music. In the end, identifying the rage in yourself is the first step toward transcending it.

Throughout my listens of Fetch The Bolt Cutters, I kept having the same thought: I can’t imagine another person on Earth, living or dead, making this album. This, ultimately, is what was happened during Fiona’s hiatus away from the rest of us: She became her own genre. How lucky are we that it just grew by one more classic.

Fetch The Bolt Cutters is out now via Epic Records. Get it here.

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Can movies ever do justice to books?

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🎶 If there was a problem, yo, these will solve it. Check out the hook on this strainer spoon while my DJ revolves it. 🎶

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“Please go judge someone else because you don’t know what’s happening in my house.”

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